We are about to venture into new territory here.
This website is filled with “guides” on the exact steps to getting an ex boyfriend back. I talk about stuff like the no contact rule, what to say to your ex to make him want you, how to rekindle his feelings for you, etc, etc.
I think you get the idea.
Whenever I write something new for this site I am looking for new topics so I can expand your knowledge on the mind of a man. Of course, as this site gets bigger and bigger I can have trouble coming up with good ideas. So, sometimes I take a step back and look at the weakness of this site.
I ask myself something like:
“Ok, what haven’t I covered yet?”
Well, as I have been made painfully aware, recently, one aspect of the ex recovery process that I have failed to go into great detail on is what to expect when you get your ex boyfriend back. Sure, I have written a guide on how to keep your ex boyfriend but I haven’t really told you what it is like to actually get him back.
What This Guide Covers
This guide is going to assume that you have succeeded in your quest to reclaim your ex boyfriend (more on that later.) It is going to specifically focus on the emotions that will go through your head and his head during the new relationship that you have rekindled.
Will this guide help you keep him once you get him back?
It can help but I didn’t really create it for that. Instead, I wanted to make you aware of the emotions that you and your new boyfriend (previously your ex) will experience when you get into a new relationship and how you can deal with those emotions.
Here is a birds eye view of what I will be going over in this guide:
- How to get your ex boyfriend back (see the next section.)
- The fallout of getting an ex back.
- A secret, that’s not really a secret that no one realizes.
- What goes on in your ex/new boyfriends head.
- How to keep your ex/new boyfriend intrigued in a relationship.
- Texting and calling your new boyfriend.
- And much more!
Lets get started!
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How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
I am well aware that probably 90% of the people reading this guide haven’t gotten their exes back. I actually prefer this.
A good friend of mine said something incredibly insightful that I thought was perfect to use for this guide.
“One of the problems with people is that they never get advice BEFORE their problem occurs. They get advice AFTER it already happens.”
I suppose in this case there technically isn’t a problem but after you read this guide you are going to know exactly what to expect when you succeed at getting your ex back (positive thinking remember š .) Of course, before any of the stuff I talk about here can be used you actually have to succeed in getting your ex back.
So, how do you do that?
Well, getting an ex boyfriend back is actually an incredibly complex subject. If I were to tell you everything you needed to know to succeed it would probably take me a month to finish this guide. So, let me make this extremely easy for you.
I wrote a book detailing every single step that you need to implement to successfully get your ex boyfriend back. My book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO has received high praise from many of you and I promise you won’t be disappointed with it.
Essentially, everything in that book is almost like a requirement to reach the point where the stuff I talk about on this page can be implemented. Again, I can’t recommend Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO enough. Click on the link below to learn more about what the E-Book will cover.
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Take the quizWould You Like To Learn More About Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO?
Lets move on to the beginning of what you can expect when you get your ex boyfriend back.
The Secret That No One Realizes Until It’s Too Late
I want you to be prepared.
Part of my reasoning for creating this guide was so that you know exactly what it is like to get an ex boyfriend back. Part of this type of reasoning relies on me being completely honest with what I have seen hundreds of women experience who have actually succeeded in getting back with their boyfriends.
Well, what I have seen might scare you a little bit.
All of the other ex recovery relationship “experts” out there are afraid to tell you the truth. So, rather than be completely honest with you they keep a secret. Luckily for you, I am about to expose that secret.
You want to know what it’s like when you get an ex boyfriend back right?
It’s HARD WORK!
Your Fantasies Lie To You
Whenever I meet a pretty girl I often find myself thinking about her.
(It’s nothing sexual… god, get your mind out of the gutter š .)
I think about whether or not she could fit into my life. I think about how we would interact and what a simple date would be like.
Anyways, when I think of you I imagine that is how you probably felt about your boyfriend when he was your ex. You probably had all these daydreams and fantasies about how great things would be if you got him back. Those fantasies are probably even more intensified if you do something like the no contact rule.
They feel good right? Having those fantasies probably reinforce the idea that all of this trouble to get him back is worth it.
Well, the reality of the situation is that if you do get your ex boyfriend back it isn’t going to be all dandelions, candy canes and ice cream. No, it is going to require both of you to put some hard work in to make this thing work.
Most women are under the impression that the second they get back with their ex boyfriends everything will just suddenly become easy. I am here to tell you that, that is not the case.
Why Most People Fail At Keeping Their Relationship Together
(Would you like to learn the EXACT steps to getting an ex boyfriend back?)
It doesn’t take a genius to realize that relationships take work.
Of course, most people who I encounter tend to forget this fact. Yes, a relationship is supposed to be fun and leave you with a sense of fulfillment but maintaining that relationship to ensure it can last the test of time is going to take hard work. FOR BOTH PEOPLE.
Therein lies the problem.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizA relationship is a two way street. In other words, you can be the best girlfriend in the world. You can fulfill him mentally and physically but unless he is there to pull his weight in the relationship things probably won’t go well.
Relationships take an equal amount of effort from both participants.
Trust has to be exhibited from both of you which could be a problem because a previous breakup can cause all sorts of trust issues.
Jealousy needs to be held to a minimum. Now, I am not saying that you can’t be jealous. You are a human being and human beings get jealous. All I am saying is that you can’t let it consume you and be a lightning rod for the problems in your relationship.
You have to constantly be mindful of what your boyfriend likes and how to keep him fulfilled in all areas.
The point I am trying to arrive at here is that if you think a relationship is a cakewalk then you are dead wrong and you need to change your mindset immediately.
Of course, I still haven’t addressed the real elephant in the room. If you are doing an amazing job of “pulling your weight” in the relationship but he is doing a poor job pulling his then the relationship is destined to fail. Yes, I understand that you two really like or love each other. However, that fact alone isn’t enough to create a successful relationship. Work has to be done from both sides and that includes his side.
So, how are you supposed to maximize your chances of your ex boyfriend pulling his weight in a relationship?
Understand That This New Relationship Will Have To Be Different
If there is one thing I am really good at when it comes to relationships it would have to be that I am an excellent communicator. I think a part of me was always this way but now that I have seen so much through Ex Boyfriend Recovery I make it a point to communicate to the best of my ability in every relationship I am in.
Of course, and I mean this with the greatest respect to my fellow “bros,” I am probably one in a million.
Most men don’t talk about their feelings. They are scared to. They don’t talk about their fears, insecurities or thoughts. This can lead to a lot of emotional problems in relationships because women are the exact opposite. They almost find it therapeutic to talk about everything.
So, the question on the table is:
“How are you supposed to get a guy to communicate and pull his weight in a relationship?”
The first little nugget of knowledge I would like to give you is to not assume that he understands he will have to pull his weight. Look, when you deal with men you almost have to talk to us like we are little children. Remember, we aren’t good at picking up your hints but we are good when you tell us exactly what you want.
This is where the communication bit comes in.
Talk to us like a five year old.
I want you to have the following conversation with your ex/new boyfriend
You: Hey, can I talk to you about something?
Him: Sure!
You: I think this relationship needs to be different than the last one. We both know that, that didn’t end very well and I want this new relationship to last.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizHim: You are right. What do you have in mind?
You: You know how much I love you right? Well, I think both of us should work really hard to make this relationship last. I am willing to put in the time to make this work. I want you to know that this relationship is my number one priority right now.
Him: Me too! I am going to make sure this relationship works this time around. I love the way I feel when I am around you.
You: I know it is not going to be a cakewalk but I know that if BOTH of us put in the work we can make this last :).
One of the most annoying things to me about women is the fact that they are never direct. Let me give you an example. There was one girl who I really liked a few years ago that always kept saying things to me to try to test if I liked her or not. She would say stuff like:
“Didn’t you think that was a really fun class?”
I think it might be important to the story that I mention that I met this girl in a college class. Whenever she would say that to me I would talk about how I thought the class was great and how the material was interesting to me. What this girl really wanted was for me to say was something relating to her.
Something like:
“Yes! You made it so fun that I wish we could have stayed there another hour.”
How in the world was I supposed to know that? I thought she was talking about the class.
Anyways, I want you to notice how direct the fake conversation above was. There were no games and both people said what they wanted to say.
The moral of the story?
Be direct!
Lets move on.
The Two Outcomes Of Getting Back Together
(Before any of the stuff on this page applies to you, you have to get your ex boyfriend back. Find out how with Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)
I have been a witness to many couples getting back together. Some of those relationships are still going to this day and some of them have ended. The point I am trying to make here is that I am in a very unique position to tell you what I have seen when couples do get back together.
I entitled this section “The Two Outcomes Of Getting Back Together” so you are probably wondering what these two outcomes are right?
Firstly, I would like to say that there are probably thousands of things that can happen during a reconciliation. The two things that I will be talking about here seem to be the most frequent things that occur. So, what are these elusive outcomes?
- The Mini Honeymoon Period
- The Fallout Period
The thing I found most interesting about these two outcomes is that they are almost exactly the opposite and while one is definitely better than the other one neither really guarantees a long lasting relationship. So, keep that in mind while you read through this entire section.
Lets start with the most positive outcome of a reconciliation.
The Mini Honeymoon Period
You are aware of what a honeymoon period is right?
It is basically this period of time when you get together with someone new where everything is pure bliss. There are no problems and both people in the relationship are completely happy. One thing that I see quite often from couples who get back together after a breakup is that they can go through this mini honeymoon period.
What is a mini honeymoon period?
Well, essentially the definition is exactly how it sounds.
Lets say you got back together with your ex boyfriend and entered into a mini honeymoon period. This is essentially the same thing as the honeymoon period but the big difference here is that it won’t last as long.
Why won’t it last as long?
That’s an interesting discussion. Throughout this site I have established multiple times that I have this theory that everyone is obsessed with new things.
- New cars.
- New shows.
- New episodes.
- New computers.
- You get the idea.
Well, when you get back together with an ex there is a sense of newity (that isn’t even a word but I don’t care.) The newness you will feel with him will create this honeymoon period but the reason it won’t last as long is that you have already been with him before so that sense of newness fades into normality.
It is almost like the ultimate contradiction.
On the one hand the two of you are back together so that creates a feeling of newness. However, on the other hand the two of you have already dated before so you already know what it feels like to be with your ex so that newness tends to fade faster than normal.
Do you kind of get it?
The Fallout Period
This is the more “negative” consequence of getting back together from an ex.
Sometimes things aren’t always as fun as the honeymoon period when you get back with a boyfriend. Sometimes the fallout that is left over from your breakup will carry into the new relationship that you are trying to establish with your boyfriend.
I would like to take a moment to further describe the fallout period.
The Fallout Period- A period of time after you get back with an ex where things seem kind of weird and awkward. This is usually caused by the emotional fallout of your breakup.
It’s not your fault really.
I blame Hollywood. Most women are obsessed with watching these chick flicks where everyone gets a happy ending or where the couple who FINALLY gets together has this super intense lovey dovey moment. This has created unrealistic expectations.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that it is impossible (look at the honeymoon period above.) However, the reality of the situation is that if you get back with an ex it can be a little dark.
If you really sit back for a moment though it makes sense.
Imagine that you and I dated (yes, I am using this analogy again so deal with it š .) Of course, we broke up and the breakup didn’t end well. You said things that really hurt me and I said things that really hurt you. Since this is me we are talking about you wanted me back desperately and you managed to convince me to take you back. When we got back together things aren’t the same. It feels a little…. awkward.
This would be the fallout period in full effect.
The things you said to me during our breakup are running around in my mind and the things I said to you are running around in yours. Communication isn’t really all that great and things are just different.
Most women who experience this end up emailing me something like this:
“Chris I need your help ASAP!!! I just got back with my ex using your advice but now things are different. I don’t really know how to explain it other than the fact that he is very distant all the time and I just have this feeling in my gut that something is wrong.”
The fallout period….
How You Can Combat The Fallout Period
(Anyone who gets this reference deserves a hug!!)
When most women experience the “fallout period” they immediately panic.
I understand why too.
It’s like this. You worked so hard to get your ex boyfriend back. You did the no contact rule, you ended conversations first, you planned dates, made moves, etc.. etc. After all this work you finally succeeded in re-igniting a connection within your ex boyfriend. The two of you get back together and you are expecting fireworks. That is what’s supposed to happen right?
Well, when it doesn’t and you are greeted with the fallout period you immediately start to panic because that is not the way this is “supposed to go.”
The thing about combating a fallout period is to not panic. Yes, things aren’t as good as they can be but I am going to show you right here and now how you can overcome one.
Understanding What Your Ex Boyfriend Is Thinking
Ah, another section on the complicated mind of a man.
More specifically, what your ex boyfriend (or new boyfriend) is thinking during the fallout period.
The first thing I think we need to talk about is the fact that throughout your new relationship it is unavoidable that he is going to be thinking about the old one. What will he think? Well, I guarantee that it won’t be very good things.
Maybe he is still stuck on some silly comment you made out of anger during the breakup. Perhaps he is thinking about a certain way he was treated by you during his old relationship or maybe he has serious doubts that this new relationship can last.
He will be thinking these things at some point during the fallout period. That is probably the closest thing to a guarantee that I can give you.
It is important to understand this fact but don’t let it upset you.
Why?
Because deep down somewhere in your mind you have thought the same thing too. So, instead of being a worried mess lets do something proactive to PROVE to your new boyfriend that his concerns about you are ridiculous.
How To Overcome The Negatives In His Mind
How are you supposed to overcome negative thoughts about you?
Well, with the power of love of course!
I know I am usually not one to get all lovey dovey in my guides but since we are talking about what it is like to get an ex boyfriend back it was a foregone conclusion that I had to pull out all the stops on this one. In my opinion, there are two ways to overcome all of your exes concerns during the fallout period.
- Address & Prove
- Make Him Fall In Love Again
Lets take a moment to explore each of these ways.
Address & Prove
To this day it is mind boggling to me how poorly most couples communicate.
Either the guy has concerns and won’t say anything about them or the girl has something bothering her and she won’t speak up. Every day I am bombarded with comments and questions regarding breakups. So, essentially I see how poorly people communicate on a daily basis. Sometimes I just want to put a couple together and knock their heads together like this:
WAKKKEEE UPPPP!!!
So many problems that couples have are because they refuse to communicate. I want you to put an end to that trend.
What were the three BIG negative thoughts that I said most men have during the fallout period?
- Resentment towards something you said (out of anger) during the breakup.
- Upset over the way he was treated during the relationship.
- Concerns that the relationship WON’T last.
I think deep down all women who find themselves in the fallout period know that these are the concerns that their guy is having but they do nothing about it.
LAZY!
What you need to do is address the thoughts above and prove that things will be different this time around.
Yup, it isn’t enough anymore to just talk to your ex (currently new) boyfriend about his concerns for the future or the way he was treated. You actually have to prove you mean what you are saying when you say “things will be different this time.”
Make Him Fall In Love Again
Yes, it’s that stupid thing again, love.
If there is one movie that EVERYONE can watch over and over again it would have to be The Princess Bride.
I mean, this movie literally has it all.
Sword fights (check)
Giants (check)
Miracle workers (check)
Revenge (check)
Inconceivable!!! š (check)
True love (check.)
I think I will leave it up to Wesley (aka: the dread pirate robins) with his thoughts on TRUE LOVE!
“Ok, ok we get it Chris if we can make a guy fall in love with us all over again the fallout period will cease to exist.”
If you are caught in the fallout then that definitely means that your ex hasn’t let his guard down completely yet. If you were to… say, make him fall even deeper in love with you than he already has that guard will vanish.
But how do you do that?
A friend of mine said something to me pretty recently that really resonated with me.
She told me that:
“They say the way to make a person fall in love with you is to experience new things together. That act of experiencing something new will bring the two of you closer together in a way that no one else can compete with.”
Not only was it a really cool quote but I think it is actually true.
What if you and your ex just did all sorts of new things that you haven’t ever experienced before? What if you were to make each of those experience special for him? I am talking about the type of special that he can’t get out of his mind for years. The type of special where he literally thinks about you every second of the day!
Need ideas?
Well, you could always storm a castle and break up a wedding š .
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How To Keep Your Ex/New Boyfriend Intrigued In The Relationship
(Learn how to get your ex boyfriend back with my E-Book.)
One of the beautiful things about this site is the fact that you can (for once in your life) get a mans perspective on pretty much everything you have ever wondered about relationships.
I have a feeling that a lot of women (who aren’t even trying to get their ex boyfriends back) are going to be extremely interested in this section because I am going to be giving you my perspective on how to keep a man intrigued in a relationship.
So, buckle up because this is going to be one heck of a ride!
The Chase
Men love the chase.
In fact, “the chase” is one of the reasons why some men prefer to stay single over being in a relationship. But we aren’t talking about those idiots today are we? No, we are talking about the men who have taken a leap into a relationship. In other words, the actual MEN out there in the world.
One of my favorite things to do is to surf YouTube for funny pranks pulled on people. One day I came across one of the most interesting pranks I have ever seen.
The prank was relatively simple. A guy tricked his girlfriend into walking into a pile of green goop. Well, after the goop attack and consumed with anger the girlfriend marched over to her boyfriend to give him a piece of her mind. When she found him he was on one knee ready to propose!
I thought it was awesome.
A moment of pure anger was replaced by a moment of pure ecstasy. However, it was what she said next where I had the problem…
“I’M ENGAGED… I’M ENGAGED… in your face all you single ladies because I’M ENGAGED…”
Seems like a relatively harmless comment right?
I mean, this is probably one of the happiest moments of her life so we should give her a pass right?
Well…. ya I will give her a pass but I want you to read the quoted material above a few times. It’s almost like she is saying “game over!” or “I won so everyone else can suck it.”
The biggest misconception that I see with women is that they think that when they get a boyfriend (or get married) that all the hard work is done…
I am sorry to break it to you ladies but if you really want to keep your man intrigued in the relationship then you still have to put in the work.
Well, really what I want you to do is not make things so easy for him all the time. In other words, I want you to still make him chase you while in the relationship BUT you have to do it in a specific way.
The Rules Of The Chase In A Relationship
I really don’t know any of you personally but I care for you.
I know that is a weird thing for me to say but I really do. Everything that I have accomplished through this site is because of you. So, the best way that I feel I can give back to you is through my own experiences in my life. In other words, the things that women have done to me to make me incredibly interested and chase.
Obviously you are in a predicament here because you are dating someone and he can’t really “chase” you because… well, you are dating him.
That is why I have come up with the following rules for you to follow.
Rule 1- You Can’t Play Hard To Get Too Much
Look, the idea here is to leave a guy intrigued and sometimes you have to play hard to get for that to happen. Well, I would beware of doing this too much because if you play too hard to get in a relationship your boyfriend is going to think that even though he is dating you he can’t have you the way he needs in order to feel fulfilled because you are playing hard to get.
Rule 2- Always Remember That Men Need To Feel Admired BUT Not TOO Admired
I am a guy so I can tell you this with full confidence.
I love hearing compliments from people. However, I love to hear compliments from women more than anything. It really feels good. But if I hear too many compliments from the same person too many times then the compliments become kind of stale.
It is ok to compliment your boyfriend but don’t do it too much. Make each one of your compliments mean something.
Rule 3- Don’t Spend All Day Every Day With Your Boyfriend
This is probably the hardest rule to talk about because so many women have trouble with it (especially on this site.)
How can I explain this to you best. Hmm…
My family used to have this tradition that every summer we would go on a vacation somewhere. Unfortunately, that tradition seems to have been killed… What the heck family?
Anyways, I digress..
We would go on these vacations together for about 2 weeks. That meant that for 2 weeks straight I would be with my family all day every day. Now, I love my family to death and I am usually super excited about spending time with them but after a while it can get kind of old. I found that I would be extra irritable and I would be ready to have some alone time and see my friends.
When you spend too much time with a boyfriend I think that this effect can come in to play.
I think most men need a little space but that is not the real reason I created this rule.
Lets pretend that you and I are in a relationship. If we spent every moment together the chances are high that I will grow less and less intrigued in the relationship. However, if you worked really hard to make every moment with me count, you left me wanting more and you gave me enough time to miss you then all of a sudden you hold my attention easily.
The two main factors that come into play here are:
-
- Leaving your man wanting more.
- Giving him time to miss you.
But how do you do those two things in a relationship?
I am so glad you asked!
Giving Him An Emotional High And Making Him Miss You
(If you want to learn more tricks like this I can’t recommend my E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO enough.)
I would like to talk about this section in two different ways.
I know that is a strange thing to say right off the bat but in my mind there are two big ways that a couple can communicate and use this particular method. I would like to cover what you should do for each of those ways.
So, what are the two main ways that this particular method can be used?
- Through text messages.
- Through phone calls.
Lets recap for a moment what this section is going to be all about before I start going through each of the “methods of communication.”
The Recap
The point of all of this is to keep your ex/new boyfriend intrigued in his new relationship with you. Everything that I discuss in the following sections of this page is going to be working towards accomplishing that.
Specifically though, the method that I am going to be teaching you is actually quite easy (as long as you have some discipline.)
Step 1- Create an emotional high within your boyfriend.
Step 2- End the conversation prematurely after you get your boyfriend to an emotional high.
Step 3- Let him miss you a little bit.
Step 4- Rinse and repeat.
Lets talk about how to use these steps for each of the three methods of communication.
Text Messages
This method works extremely well for texting.
In fact, I have had this exact method used on me by a woman before and let me tell you that it works like gangbusters.
An interesting fact about me is that I can sometimes be very quiet about what I am feeling on the inside. On the outside I can look like everything is fine but trust me a lot is going on in the inside emotionally. I think most men are wired this way to be quite honest. So, just because they look like they aren’t feeling something on the outside that doesn’t mean they aren’t feeling anything on the inside.
For example, when a girl once used the method I am about to describe to you on me my emotions were a roller coaster. I remember our conversation would progress and then she would say something that really made me happy. Of course, every time it seemed that I got to an emotional high with her she would just stop texting me back for a little while.
Maybe she had a meeting. Perhaps she just got busy and couldn’t text me back or maybe she was doing this on purpose because she knew it worked. Whatever the case let me tell you it really worked.
Here is what was going on in the inside of my head.
I think the best way I could describe it would be using the “agony & ecstasy” terms.
She would leave me with an emotional high through text messaging and I would feel complete ecstasy and happiness. Of course, the conversation would soon end with her and I would be left with agony. It is one of those things where you are constantly checking your phone hoping that SHE would be the one who would text. Every time you received a text message that wasn’t from her you were almost angry at that person for texting you.
I don’t know how this girl did it but somehow she timed exactly when my agony was about to turn into anger and that was when she would text me back finally. Of course, the moment I would see a text from her I would run around the room in complete ecstasy again.
Do you see how this works?
Ecstasy to Agony to Ecstasy again. Then you just rinse and repeat.
Lets talk a little about how we can create that ecstasy within your boyfriend.
Creating That Emotional High With Text Messages
This is the important stuff so listen up.
Creating an emotional high in your boyfriend is all about the lead-up and the payoff. A lot of things have to happen for this to fall in place so I will try to explain it the best way that I can.
The first thing I want you to do is to make a pretty neutral comment that can be kind of sweet. The idea here is to set up your text so you can give him a string of compliments in the future (and probably get a few yourself in the process.)
Here is an example of a nice little text you can send to set things up.
(Side Note: This is assuming the two of you were talking about him waiting for his friend somewhere.)
Once he responds to this text message it is time to set up the big pay off. The key to leaving a guy with an emotional high is the fact that you can’t be too complimentary. In other words, you can’t just send him a compliment text every other text message. You just need to softly sprinkle them here and there. Sure, you give a compliment but he should give one back. That is the way this is supposed to work. BUT DO NOT OVERDO IT.
So, what is the big payoff “compliment text” that I keep talking about?
The thing you have to understand about men is that we all love to feel wanted. In other words, the more we feel wanted the better we feel about our lives.
Take me for example.
If a girl (that I am interested in) gives me a really good compliment then I walk around the entire day thinking to myself “I am THE man!”
That is what you are trying to accomplish here. You want your boyfriend to feel like that throughout the day without him thinking that you are laying it on too thick.
Here is a good example of a compliment text:
I realize I came up with this text on my own but I swear to god if a woman (who I was dating) said that to me I would be walking around all day thinking I am the greatest thing to ever walk the earth. The most beautiful part about it is that the compliment seemed so natural.
Of course, here comes the hard part.
This is the part where you have to show discipline and pull the rug out from under your man for a second.
After you send a text like the one I gave in the example above you have wait a minimum of 3-5 hours to reply to his response.
Remember, the text above is supposed to incite ecstasy and you not responding for 3-5 hours will incite agony.
The agony is really important so it cannot be skipped.
Phone Calls (Facetime/Skype)
Is it just me or have you noticed that no one talks on the phone anymore?
In fact, I have heard of couples (people who are actually dating each other) that don’t even talk on the phone. They just text.
I think that is disappointing because I love talking on the phone and talking on the phone is a step above text messaging.
Of course, there are disadvantages to talking on the phone. For example, the majority of people aren’t very quick on their feet so they end up saying something that is viewed as unattractive to the other person. Luckily for you, this guide is geared towards women who have already gotten their ex boyfriend back which means you don’t really need to worry as much about how you are perceived.
So, in that sense you have already “won.”
I guess the question on the table right now is:
“How can the emotional high/missing method be used in a phone call?”
Well, what you have to do on a phone call is very different from what you have to do in text messaging.
In text messaging I talked about the agony and ecstasy effect. With phone calls it is all about leaving your guy wanting more so what you have to do is completely different.
The Thing I Noticed About Phone Calls
I have done my fair share of talking on the phone to girls in my life.
No matter what, with every single girl I have ever talked to on the phone I have noticed something.
There is almost like this set amount of time where you can talk to a girl before the awkward silences set in and you can’t think of anything else to talk about. I am the type of guy who likes to talk so awkward silences annoy me and I feel forced to fill them by talking.
What you don’t want to do is get caught in the trap of the awkward silences.
I know it can be really hard to talk to a guy on the phone and make a conscious choice to hang up prematurely but that’s what needs to happen.
Let me make this simple for you.
Just going on the knowledge you have what do you think is better:
Ending a conversation when the awkward silences have set in?
or
Ending a conversation on the phone where both people hit their emotional high point?
Which one of these choices do you think leaves a man wanting more?
If you guessed “ending a conversation on the phone where both people hit their emotional high point” then you are spot on.
The key to keeping a guy intrigued in a relationship when you talk on the phone is so simple. In fact, any woman has the power to pull it off. The reason most women don’t is because they don’t have the discipline to consciously say
“We have to hang up now.”
Those six little words could be the difference between keeping a man intrigued or making him think that this phone call is boring.
Oh, and did I mention it always leaves a guy wanting more?…
Hurting yet trying to love
August 17, 2020 at 12:40 pm
i’m confused. my ex and i are trying to get back together after a year of being on and off.
we have feelings for one another but there is a lot fear of intimacy due to the fear of a heartbreak. Again.
we’re trying our best to tune into one anothers needs and respect one another. it’s okay so far. but lately i feel like being cute with him but he seems to be wanting to go away. he gets awkward and seems distant when i try to be flirty. its a little demotivating and hurtful when he does that, at the same time i understand that one cannot force it on the other. this article is making a lot of sense to me but i am afraid that he’ll take me leaving him unattended on text or on call as a way of me pushing him away.
we still have some issues in communication of our emotions we’re working on, also loads of pent up anger.
i want to make this work. i’m as awkward as he is. but we’re kinda out of sync, if he tries to be flirty i freeze and i get awkward, if i try to be flirty and cute, he gets awkward.
its frustrating. we have been together for 4 years now. last year was on and off tbh. but the emotional intimacy never went, there was hurt and angst but we’re trying to overcome that. i want to be there for him but i feel rejected when he gets awkward. i want to feel nice around him. i am also having a lot of trust issues. i tried the technique above and sent him a cute message…he had a very pallid reaction. i don’t know what to feel. although he was the one who wanted me back this time after he left me and tried to talk to someone new. he realised his love for me and apologised and asked me for another chance. i see him put in efforts in bonding and creating a strong foundation. but i guess i’m hurt too. i don’t want to lose him again. i feel he’s wonderful.
Carey
June 26, 2020 at 5:27 am
I waited 21 days to contact my ex. The day I did he agreed to meet. Well the āmini honeymoonā phase lasted like one day. We lived together before the split. Now weāre a few days into being back together. Itās very awkward and weird. We had a conversation about it. He said he just doesnāt know what to
Expect. He also mentioned some things that upset him during that break up. Iām really hoping that the weirdness stops but Iām worried it wonāt. I feel like we moved way to fast and that this break and slow down is good. Everyone else tells me you canāt slow down like that. Canāt a slow down be healthy?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 27, 2020 at 8:40 pm
Hey Carey, the awkward feeling when you first get back together can be difficult to pass. With you only being apart for a short period of time, some old issues may not have been resolved yet, but just be sure that you control your emotions and don’t let the past ruin your new relationship
Heidi
April 17, 2020 at 9:19 am
My ex and i had a bad breakup. Although we still loved each other when it happened, we broke up after a fight and he had to go because he couldnt handle any more of how he felt if we would fight. Its been months, ive tried nc and reaching out but he doesnt seem ready. Now the pandemic is also not helping. I know i am getting ahead of myself here, cause as of right now he does not want to meet or talk on the phone. However i am hoping i will get to meet him sometime once the pandemic slowa. However i am worrying about is if i am able to make him talk to/meet me again, is it normal that it is awkward? I am scared i wont be able to be my explosive self because i will feel my hope is breaking and i am so nervous i will ruin everything. I guess i am talking about something like the fallout period _before_ actually getting back together. Cant find much about this online. How can one get past this awkwardness and move towards my goal of getting back together? Will everything i have worked with up until then be completely ruined if it is awkward?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 21, 2020 at 10:03 pm
Hi Heidi, part of getting an ex back is letting the past go not bringing it up if it was just arguments and fall outs. I would suggest that you work up the value chain with your conversations and try to get some phone calls in there talking about things that he is interested in talking about to get to know each other again in a new relationship rather than letting the past ruin your possible future relationship
Fragile
January 29, 2020 at 4:42 am
Hi Chris
Thank you for the article. This is whatās happening to me-all the hard work for 5 months. Got back together but it doesnāt feel the same…a bit awkward. My boyfriend is still quite resentful and told me so that he is scared what if the negative pattern will come up again. So he is not as affectionate as when we were starting dating in the first place (not opening his heart). I feel I mostly did all the work and now feel a bit frustrated because I expected fireworks and happy ever after. Any advice?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 31, 2020 at 11:30 pm
Hey there so I went through this when I got back with my guy, it does not go back to how it used to be because you are being cautious but you also want to build a stronger relationship this time around. Let it build naturally and dont try to force what you used to have. It didnt work for a reason.
Ivana
December 16, 2019 at 5:04 pm
Hi, I have met this wonderful guy about months ago and we started dating. He was absolutely wonderful, gentleman, opening doors for me, picking me up from home and work, spending every 2nd weekend with me as he has a share custody of his daughter. He would leave me messages every morning and call me every evening. Brought me flowers and chocolates, simply a dream man. Always giving me compliments how beautiful I was and how crazy he was about me and that there was no toher woman except me and thatĀ“s what he wanted. When we started dating I sked at the first 3 dates if I can pay but he said no. After that I didnĀ“t ask anymore for I thought he prefered it that way. We have reached 2 months, spent a great weekend together and on that occasion he asked me in the pub to pay a round, 3 to 1 ratio. I was surprised but I did. I need to mention that he started a new job on the following Monday. On the Monday evening he called me and we chatted, he was absolutely sweet. At the end I asked him why he asked me to pay for the drinks and never asked me before. He hung up. I called him back and he said itĀ“s over and not to call him again. I didnĀ“t understand so I texted him what happened. He told me I was demanding and mean, I didnĀ“t let him be himself, that Im too much work and he tried but IĀ“m not for him anymore. I was absolutely shocked because he was so sweet and attentive 10 minutes ago and now its over?! I spent the rest of the evening explaining why I asked but he didnĀ“t want to talk to me and always hung up. I went to bed crying myself to sleep. In the morning he texted me that he is sorry for hurting me. I wrote to him that if there is something bothering him he has to tell me, I cannot read his mind. We texted, he said i donĀ“t want a men like him and that the new job is worst then the last one and that he wishes he never took it and that he was angry when I spoke to him and that jsot drove him over the edge, We texted for the next day and he said he is not sure if we can work this out. I asked for forgiveness and promised not to do what he didnĀ“t like and to be equal in the future. He started to be same again, calling me honey, but it feels different now. Before he would text me and leave messages, now when we text and talk I feel a coldness and distance. I donĀ“t know what to do as he said he wantĀ“s to work things out but I think he is punishing me now even though he said it was not fair he took his bad mood out on me. I realy like him and want this relationship to work. Help please?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 21, 2019 at 11:17 pm
Hey there you need to go into a no contact of 21 days and reach out in a way that seems like you are only wanting to have a conversation and general chit chat and you end the conversation first, do not mention meeting up or about the past just start re attracting him as if its the first time you have met him
Jmae
December 10, 2018 at 6:43 am
Hi Chris/EBR team!
I have been following and reading your website and even helps me a lot. Well my bf of 15mos broke up with me a month ago. We had low contact in that one month broke up. We met after a month. I was surprised he want me back that in that night I was decided to do NC with him. But surprisingly it was his idea to got back together. I didnāt even open about our relationship. He initiated it. I was just been happy on our date that night. So we got back. We spent one full week together and was happy and feeling all love. He is now back in hongkong (im from Philippines) but I felt he is cold and distant. And it makes my anxiety triggered and very confused why he act as if distant towards me. What should I do? Should I not initiante āgood morningā, āgood nightā or āhow are youā text? Please help me I am at lost again and miss him. But I donāt want to confront him and act needy or desperate as it is not helping. Your words would be a very big help. More power.
Chris Seiter
December 10, 2018 at 11:32 pm
Hey there Jmae!
Glad you dropped by. Not sure what is running thru his mind…..almost like out of sight…out of mind. I do think you lose your personal power if you reach out too much. Give it a little time, then you can always send out a teaser text, such as I discuss in my eBook “PRO” and the “Texting Bible”.
Nicole
December 29, 2017 at 2:17 pm
Hey EBR TEAM,
I have been a fan of page for a while now. I have followed your advice and luckily I got my ex back to a semi relationship. We are not fully commited, we are trying to take things slow, test the waters (his idea). We have been like this for 2 and 1/2 months…. Lately however I felt things were off, I asked him about it and he seemed so confused. He says he likes me alot but doesnĀ“t love me like he used to… That he isnĀ“t sure we should continue this any longer…. it hurt. I donĀ“t know if I scared him away by being needy and asking for reassurance….
Either way I decided to try and give him some breathing room… he continues to call me everyday and text me everyday which makes ME more confused…I feel like he doesnĀ“t want to give up either but he canĀ“t regain the feelings…. IĀ“ve been nice replying to the texts and answering the calls without initiating contact…. any advice for me?
I would really apreciate your help!!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 31, 2017 at 8:46 pm
do the push pull.. in some days, don’t reply and then be active in posting.. and go out more with your friends…
Caroline
October 11, 2017 at 7:44 pm
Hey!
Following your guides I reconnected with my ex after no contact and for the past 2 months we have been seeing each other multiple times every week. Even though he is the one who broke up with me, I was unhappy in the relationship before. We had a wonderful sexual connection and enjoyed spending time together, but I could tell he wasn’t completely opening up and putting in the effort to make us last. Since we’ve reconnected though I have noticed such a change! He is amazingly sweet to me, opens up emotionally, and I’m learning more about him in this short time than I did our entire relationship. One thing that has remained from the past relationship is his focus on sex. We are both very sexually charged people, but he talks about it often which scares me because when we dated before I felt like the relationship was very sex focussed. Two weeks ago he told me that I am the most amazing woman he’s ever met and he regrets the break up. He told me that he knows he never really never even gave us a chance to work out before but he promises that over time he will prove to me that he’s serious this time if I give him the chance to and become his gf again. I have such strong feelings for him and I can really see a difference already, but part of me doesn’t know if I should trust it. What if all this “effort” is fake and he really just wanted sex again? Is sex focus normal in a relationship? Can I trust his changed actions or should I still be weary?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 12, 2017 at 6:19 pm
HI Caroline,
if you don’t trust, let him prove it. Let him earn it.
Louise
August 22, 2017 at 8:55 pm
Hi I broke up with my partner back in April we got back together last month it was a serious break up he was talking to other girls an I made a big mistake An done something I should have never with another guy so I worked really hard in getting the love of my life back after I hurt him so badly however getting back together hasn’t been a easy road either it started off ok first couple of weeks we added each other back on social media had the horrible of who what an where whilst we wasn’t with each other which I think caused abit of jealously on both sides but we got over that however with it being such a bad break up his family are completely against me an they are a close unit he is the only boy An pretty much abit of a mummy’s boy with them not being on my side or happy that we back together it’s made me extremely paranoid that they’re working really hard to stop us from being together however he kept coming not as often as I’d like but often enough to make me know he still loves me regardless he is much more distant now doesn’t want to spend as much time with me as he used to sometimes doesn’t answer my calls or text An will msg back ages after an I’m left feeling like I’m not wanted I know because I’m scared of losing him again I may have tried to smother him to much which has always been one of my bad habits he doesn’t like an it has got to the point where 2 days ago we spoke last An I haven’t heard from him since his phone has been off for these two days An he hasn’t tried to reach out to me considering I’m staying about a 10-15 min walk from his house I’m truely worried I have ruined things I don’t want to go back to his mums house an ask for him again as I said there not very fond of me anymore so it’s awkward An I don’t want to not bother with him that he thinks I don’t love him or miss when I truely do I want nothing more then for us to have our happy ending I also have a son who is very close to my partner an Hes asking for him I’m not eating or sleeping properly just don’t know what to do anymore I know he’s loves me but feel his family are putting pressure on him to stay away how should I approach the situation from now on I don’t want to ruin it anymore I want him to see I can change my ways An that it’s just I was scared his family were going to change his mind which is why I got clingy again please help
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 22, 2017 at 10:33 pm
Hi Louise,
check this one:
Stage 5 Clinger ā Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy
Danielle
November 7, 2016 at 4:30 pm
Hi! After reading this, I was pleasantly surprised that you seemed to hit everything right on the head. I never thought of myself as a person to get back with an ex, if you broke up for a reason why put yourself threw it again? Yeah.. until this most recent man came into my life. He changed everything for me, my view on relationships, preferring to be alone but now rather being with him, the idea of having to talk to someone everyday.. however, within the past month he decided the end it, we weren’t together long, only about 6 months, but he said it was all too much, now he has admitted to be a very depressed person and has a lot of his past still hurting him but he seemed to be extremely open in the beginning, texting all day everyday, facetiming every single day the second I walked in the door after work, sending the sweetest texts that wouldn’t literally make me smile all day.. (oh you should know, we also live 10 hours from each other and don’t get to see each other often) anyhow, all of that sort of slowed down, didn’t stop just slowed down. We talked about moving in together so we could avoid the distance and be together. He said he didn’t feel he deserve me,I am too good for him and not I deserve someone who isn’t broken.. he thinks he had nothing to give me. There’s really a ton more but I hope you’ll get the gist. So he broke up with me a few weeks ago, which of course tore me apart. I personally didn’t know I was capable of such strong feelings.. it happened after a HUGE texting blowout just because either of us would back down.. and .. because we were texting.. ( I now HATE texting) to continue.. 6 days ago, he texted. He said He missed me and he loved me and that I (still) deserved better and not a broken man. Well I wrote on a blog and I wrote one on a night I decided to text him but never did so I sent that to him. It resulted in a lot of confusion on my part because he isn’t a very direct person.. then it finally got good and we felt like we were getting somewhere, he opened a little and told me he did any to be with me, he just felt like he couldn’t fix things or make them better or that he was good enough. He might not be perfect but he is definitely good enough. we kept talking and eventually started making each other laugh and then it got ‘good’ The next day I asked if it would be alright if I went to see him, he have done a ton of texting and I think it’s time we maybe have a face to face. so I drove 10 hours to see him, it was a great weekend. We laughed, we talked, fooled around.. I missed him. The morning I left was however, not good.. we were talking the night before and I had asked him what we were, stupid mistake? But he said that he figured we would decide together but he didn’t see a point in labels and we needed to go slow. Soooo I should tell you, he may have been half asleep and drunk. But I just drove 10 hours to see you after you broke up with me, I let you back in and have done everything I could on my end. And that’s what he says? So… he doesn’t want to be together? So confused! Yeah I realize now that I am crazy.. I think I just wanted to be okay with whatever his response was. Like just say ok, if that he wants I will have to be ok with it… we did talk after I maybe sorta kinda blew up and wanted to leave right then and there.. but we talked. He was mad I started something ago, and just kept using that he was drunk instead of listening to oh maybe she can’t help that she heard what she heard but let’s try and make this better and make her see that i do want to be with her.. no he just kept bringing other stuff up and just how I actually believed what he said when he was drunk and not half asleep.. well after talking a bit more we decided we needed to just slow down.. not plan to move in together and just try to be in a normal steady relationship.. now.. all I can feel is that’s it’s going to be in that awkward stage, the not so good one.. and I don’t want that, I want us to work and get past all of this. I don’t want him to hate me for what he has said but I don’t want to be disappointed him for what he Says or doesn’t say.. I don’t know how to make this better? Especially being long distant?! What can I do to put us back on track, happy and in love again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 7, 2016 at 11:15 pm
Hi Danielle,
if it’s getting all over the place,.take a break. Try doing the no contactb rule..try 30 days.. check the article below too:
The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship
Heather
October 31, 2016 at 6:54 am
Hey Chris! Please help, I’ve made a massive mess!
I broke up with my ex bf in May this year and he went back home to Australia. I had already planned a trip to Australia in October this year and we’d promised to try to be friends. A month of NC went by and we gradually started talking again. It started off purely friendly but after a few months he said he wanted to try again and I said he was welcome to try if he changed a few of his behaviours that made me break up with him (lying, poor communication and immaturity mainly). I arrived in Australia a few weeks ago and immediately he begged me to have him back. I agreed but said we should take things slow because I was worried it might not last. I have trust issues after our previous relationship and we’d fight over stupid things but always make up and there were plenty of happy times and I gradually realised I might be in love with him. I got drunk one night and “subtly” tried to find out if he felt the same way and his answer was “not yet”. Cue another fight brought on by my insecurities. The next day I asked if I could stay at his place to fix things but he said no and I got a bit huffy with him but I tried to fix things on the way home. He eventually said he needed time to think about things. That was the last time I really spoke to him. We made tentative plans to meet a few days later, which he didn’t keep. During this time I started working on my issues and realised how scared I was of losing him. I started to panic and after chasing him with texts and phone calls, he angrily broke up with me saying I wasn’t giving him space and he was sick of fighting. I apologised sincerely and told him all of the steps I’m currently taking to fix my issues. He said we could be friends but he didn’t want to meet for a while but I could call the next day. I did so but he didn’t take my call. I texted him asking when I could get some of my stuff back from his house – still haven’t had a response and that was 2 days ago. Please help, I can’t stop crying! I know that I have messed up hugely but can’t give up hope on a guy who said he cares about me and made serious efforts to be the amazing boyfriend I knew he could be. I’ve decided to follow NC for 30 days but I’m miserable not knowing if or how I can save this and I’m angry that he can’t simply shoot me a quick text to let me know when I can send someone round to pick up my things. I can’t decide if he’s still in love with me and just angry and hurt, or if he genuinely doesn’t care about me and is trying to hurt me. Either way I want to fix this!
Heather
November 1, 2016 at 4:23 am
Hi Amor, thanks for responding. I realised I was pushing him away more so that’s why I’ve decided not to contact him for a month. Thing is, do you think I can still fix things after that? Or have I messed things up completely? Is there anything I can do to improve my chances?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 1, 2016 at 7:53 pm
just give him space.. and focus more in your own activities, so that he may think you won’t chase again.
Heather
October 31, 2016 at 6:58 am
Correction: I know he’s not in love with me, but he has strong feelings. He was very angry when I last saw him and when I called him so I know he’s angry. it’s just a question of how to get through that and remind him of the good times.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 31, 2016 at 11:57 pm
Hi Heather,
well, if he’s angry, persisting to talk or show up is pushing it. It’s ok to talk about your things, because those are you things but if he’s not answering, then just let him be.
Nicky
October 18, 2016 at 10:58 pm
My boy friend and I Split up after a year , when I found out that he been chatting with his cousin from his country and he blocked me on his face book on his birthday as she had send him a birthday wish on his page .. I didn’t txt or call when I found out .. he was done for me , though I do care and love him . He started texting me after 3 weeks and calling me ,and bought me a bird as a present and took me out . And being calling me every day a few times .. but he hasn’t apologised for what he has done , never brought the subject up and hasn’t told me what he really wants . I mean he hasn’t even said let’s get back together , ..
Am just so confused ..!!! Is that normal ..!!
Or is he waiting for me to open up , or is this way some sort of man attitude saying am sorry ..
I don’t even know or can’t understand if he really likes me or not ..!!
If yes why is he acting cold ..!! Like we have spent a few nights together ,we sleep in the same bed but not even a good night kiss ..!!
Or if his not in to me why his back with me again and calls me every day a few times a day ..!!
What am I suppose to do ..!?
Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 20, 2016 at 7:42 pm
Hi Nicky,
I dont understand.. what did he need to apologize for? did you mean he was flirting with his cousin?
KCee
September 6, 2016 at 7:30 pm
What does it say about your bf if he seems to get irritated when you end a text on a high note and he appears to then ignore You the next day or seems “short” with you. Seems that rather than drawing him in he might feel I’m playing games with him. What mindset should I have when he reacts that way so I don’t get triggered by his confusioning reaction? I feel like I do it correctly and at the time it’s done everything is lighthearted. But as soon as I say, ” Well I gotta go, talk soon..” He cuts it even shorter by saying “Goodbye” even when I’ve left him with a question to answer or a comment to make. Then it seems I get the cold shoulder for a day.
Kelly
July 14, 2016 at 1:00 pm
Hello
Me n my bf were dating for almost 2 and a hAlf years. And thn we brokeup because it got very complicated. And i hes friends camebetween us. N now 3-4 months later he is calling me n texting me n wants to get back togther. But i jus have so much negativty build up inside towards him because of how he just walked away. I do want to get back n i miss him. But everytime i think of everything that happened. I just think twice n i dont know how to go about or how to talk to him. Please help!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 14, 2016 at 8:17 pm
Hi Kelly,
you need to start active nc to start healing
P
April 13, 2016 at 3:21 am
My boyfriend and I broke up over a year ago but still saw each other, not intimately just as friends. In October we had a fallout and decided not to ever talk again as he said. In February we got in contact again and he asked me to give our relationship another try. We got back together but we seemed to have had a fall out 2 weeks later. He got upset because I started behaving a bit insecure and questioned him about stuff. He told me to give things a rest for a few days, that things would be fine. He didn’t want to go back to the old BS. We didn’t speak for 2 weeks, than he got in contact with me last Thursday and seemed like nothing was wrong when we were talking, but he seems distant and we haven’t really communicated about things. We haven’t texted since Sunday. I’ve tried texting just comments not questions but he hasn’t acknowledged my texts, or a phone call. We have not seen each other since we got back together. He has been way some of the time for work but not all the time. I’m not sure what to think. We are both in our 40’s. We’ve been together on and off since September 2013. We broke up once before for two months and got back together lasted 6 months than broke up again, which was the last time, and now got back together. A note he’s the one that broke up with me both times. Please any comments or suggestions would be helpful. I don’t want to chase him.
p
April 14, 2016 at 5:09 pm
We are suppose to be together but he’s not acting like we are. He hasn’t tried to contact me and he hasn’t tried to see me since we got back together. My question was is it possible he’s wondering if he made the right decision or is he going through one of the stages you talked about when you get you ex back. Could he be going through a fall out period? And in the mean time should I say something?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 17, 2016 at 2:11 pm
nope that’s not normal because if you’re back together.. he should be making effort.. it’s different when you’re just about to get back together compared to actually being back together.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 14, 2016 at 5:06 am
Hi P,
that’s good. Don’t chase ler him be for now, of he wants to get back with you..talk about how you would handle problems that time around
Excelsior
March 25, 2016 at 10:28 pm
My boyfriend and I broke up after a year and a couple months because we fought. I committed the error of many times giving him the whole blame of the fights when in reality I was to blame as well, and when he realized that was when he decided to end things with me. Both of us had fatal flaws and would hurt each other but after a month or so of being apart we decided to get back together because at the end of the day we love each other and see a future together. After reading this post i understand that he can still be resentful because of the pain i caused, but sometimes i feel as though he doesn’t care about hurting me when he brings back those past fights. For example today he got mad and started to treat me awfully, like he never has before, and when i told him he replied that now he doesn’t even know when he’s to blame or not, which is understandable but at the same time hurts me. My real question is how long will this period last? I miss how sweet he used to be to me and although I am trying to show him I’ve changed it gets harder and harder every time to maintain my patience.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 2, 2016 at 2:09 pm
Hi Excelsior
YOu have to talk to him at a good time. Talk about that observation in a calm way and in way that you’re going to think solutions for it. Because it’s not just a period, it will get worse if you don’t address it.
Sachi
March 23, 2016 at 4:56 pm
I just tried the ecstasy and agony move, and it worked! We talked all night after and were really happy! Another thing to try later on! He seems much more open and relaxed now, as well as much more loving!
AL
March 6, 2016 at 4:03 pm
My boyfriend and I first decided to take a two week break, then we met up for him just to tell me that he wanted to officially break up. Of course I was weak and we made love and he was treating me the way I so desperately wanted to be treated for the last two months or so of the relationship. I could tell something was up so that’s when we decided to take the break. Then when I asked why, after the two week break, he said his reason was that he was capable of making me feel this way, but he just couldn’t move further with me until he saw what else was out there. I have had a few relationships that failed, but I was his first seriously girlfriend. He’s 26 and I’m 29. I think I fall into your 40% category of having this work for me. I’m now in day 21 of the no contact since we met up and he’s reached out to me once saying he doesnt want to play head games, but he wants me to know he misses me. Can this work for me or will he really need to see what else is out there before giving me another chance?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 7, 2016 at 2:13 pm
Hi Al,
YOu don’t need another chance, he needs another chance with you… I don’t know if you get that but what I mean is that he has to really miss you.. He has to regret leaving you.. He may be young and all but if he realizes you’re the one, then he won’t have to search or experience other girls.. and also, if he knows he can make you chase then 21 days is not enough.. I’d go for at least 30, and be really active in doing other stuff so that he realizes you’re not the chaser anymore.
Laura
February 16, 2016 at 11:11 pm
What should I do if he’s in my class? It’s impossible to do the no contact rule because we always end up talking about homework or something
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 17, 2016 at 2:18 pm
It’ s okay just as long as you don’t have small talks about each other the relationship and your feeligs..
Laura
February 5, 2016 at 10:17 pm
Hey Chris!
I got my ex of a year back after 2 weeks of us being broken up. I didnāt see it coming at all, in fact, I felt like we were reaching a level where we were at ease and comfortable in the relationship. He told me things like āitās not you itās meā and āI donāt know why but this feels like the right thing to doā and āitās better to do this now than a couple months or years down the lineā. I asked him if he thought we were better suited to see different people, and he said āprobablyā and I asked him if he loved me still and he started crying and wouldnāt answer. He kept texting me the day after we had broken up as if nothing had happened, and I started the NC rule after reading your blog.
I wanted to get back with him more than anything, and when he begged me to get back together, I thought I would feel elated, but instead I felt apprehensive. We talked about what our “new” relationship was going to be, and I told him what I wanted from him, and how I was going to be different. When I asked him what he wanted from me going forward, he said ānothingā. I asked him why he broke up with me in the first place, and he said that he just took me for granted. I didnāt find his answer satisfying, because Iām not really sure that it was the truth, but I figured that maybe with time, he would better understand why and tell me.
Now itās 3 months later, and while he changed a lot of little things to make things better, I find myself always wondering if heās going to drop me again out of the blue, as I still donāt understand what I did (or didnāt do) to drive him away. I donāt completely understand it, but lately Iāve just felt like our relationship is ultimately doomed to fail, and although it makes me so incredibly depressed to think about it, I feel like maybe breaking up with him is the right thing to do. Basically, Iām starting to feel how he felt when he broke up with me.
But I donāt want to just throw the relationship away, I want to try to fix the problem first, because we promised weād have more open communication. I was debating bringing up my feelings of doubt, and trust issues with him, but I donāt want to bring it up. I feel like Iām always the one to bring up problems that IāM having, and he never seems to have a single problem with me. I know Iām not a perfect person, he must have SOME problems with me, because he broke up with me last time. But he never brings anything up, so I feel like the couple times weāve talked about things in our relationship, Itās one sided and Iām just being down on him the whole time.
My question is, should I bring this up with him? Are my feelings of insecurity valid, because he HAS been trying to be a better boyfriend? I know something has got to give, I just want to be constructive without being down on him.
Thank you for reading my novel, Iām just at a loss with this whole getting back together thing!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 6, 2016 at 12:36 pm
Hi Laura,
It’s that feeling of needing the answer to move forward, I understand. Go ahead, even just one last time to ask him about it but of course take time on how to do it and pick the right moment to ask him. It’s that moment when you’re both relaxed, having fun and then throwing the question in the same way.