What Your Ex Says Vs. What They Mean- The Comprehensive Guide

909 thoughts on “What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means”

Kaylin C

October 6, 2016 at 7:13 am

My boyfriend (now ex) and I were together for over a year. We are long distance. He lives in NC and I live in AZ. We were in love for a long time and the last month or so, we have had alot of fights because I’m very stressed with school and he’s been working pretty much full time so we hardly spent time together(talking, skyping, watching movies, playing games, etc.) We had a rough break up last week because I got upset that he hadn’t told his parents he was moving here yet. He’s 21 and I’m 23, I’m older. He stopped going to school because he didn’t want to do his major anymore and wants to figure out what he wanted to do in college and is working in the mean time. His parents got really pissed that he stopped going to school and have been really hard on him about this. So when I broke up with him last week, I was upset that he won’t make plans because we already made plans for him to move here at the end of december. I had bought my one way ticket there to drive back in his car. He bought a ticket a month ago to visit me during my fall break and look for an apartment. Anyway I gave him an ultimatum about telling his parents he’s moving here because he said he would tell them a long time ago, so I know I pushed him. He got really upset about the ultimatum, and after we broke up for a day, we got back together and I told him he can take however long he wants to tell them (I decided not to push him anymore). I was scared to lose him. He assured me that it was just a bump in the road, we were gonna get through this, and he loves me. This past saturday, he had been acting weird. He said he went to the movies with his dad and it lasted 4 hours. I asked him what happened and he told me he was in a bad mood and had a bad day. After bugging him a bit to tell me what was going on, he breaks up with me through text message. He’s never broken up with me before… I tried calling him but he said he can’t handle a call and he was going to be miserable, etc. He said that he wants to be alone and figure out his life and he doesn’t see himself moving out of NC. He doesn’t think he’s mature enough for me (I’m a serious student that is pretty responsible and gets stuff done). He also said “I’d rather make other people happy”. I really think he was talking about his parents. He’s a really good, nice guy. Not a player at all. I mean he was a virgin when he met me. I was confused about the whole situation and completely heart broken and devasted. He said he wasn’t going to visit me on friday. The next day I messaged him, it was the longest day of my life and still had alot of questions for him. He tells me he only sees me as a friend but would want to be with me in the future. That confused me. Still tried to get him back, but he wouldn’t budge at all. After sunday, I have not contacted him. He removed all my cute comments I left on his profIle but has kept the picture of us together up… he also didn’t remove the link to my page saying “my girl”. We had been using whatsapp to message eachother because his house gets bad service and he only used it to talk to me and I’ve noticed he’s been checking it once or twice a day. Our mutual friend talked to him yesterday and he said he’s been running to get through the break up. I haven’t contacted him since that Sunday and I’m trying really hard not to. Do you think I have false hopes?? I love him so much and I wanna be with him. I’m trying to give him space so he’d maybe miss and contact me sometime. When he was breaking up with me he said he wanted both of us to move on and didn’t see himself being with me for years. He said he didn’t want to be in any relationship, just wanted to be alone. But I truly believe pressure from everyone caused him to push me away. Thoughts??

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 8, 2016 at 6:33 pm

Hi Kaylin,

yeah it looks like it’s pressure.. but to be honest, he is young.. it’s a big deal to move from one state to another and leave everything you’ve been familiar with behind. Maybe he realized that it’s just not the right time for him but he can that that’s all you want so, he decided to break up with you..

If you want, take the no contact rule as a restart.. be more active in your life.. show that you’re moving on and then take it slow when you reconnect again.. just be friendly and set aside asking him to move there if you get back together. If he wants to move there, he’ll move there himself, without you asking.

gzav

September 28, 2016 at 11:02 pm

My ex boyfriend and I dated two years ago and separated because we ended up in two different cities after college. We were so in love and it was really hard for both us when it didn’t work out. Now we’re living in the same city and are seeing each other again. It’s been less than a month. We saw each other almost every day last week and that has never happened before. Last night, I went to his house and bought him dinner because he needed to study. We had such a nice evening and then I ruined it. In the morning, I woke up and found a dirty clean wipe with make up on it and the only reason that I could think of at the time was that another girl had stayed over. So I woke him up, and asked if he was sleeping with anyone else. He looked at me confused and said: “why would you ask me that? I’m not. Why would you ask me that?” I told him about the dirty clean wipe and he explained that it was there because a few friends were getting ready at his house before they went out for his birthday the other week. I was there and so were his females friends and I believe him now… But at the time, I was confused and didn’t know what to think so I got up and left without saying a word. I didn’t think I’d hear from him until later, but I’ve received a string of angry texts. They began with him explaining again why the clean wipe was there, how typical it was of me to freak out, how he wanted to pay the dinner I bought him last night because it wasn’t a nice treat after all, how he couldn’t be responsible for making me feel hurt and not trusting him, and how he wants me to stop contacting him. After the last text which he wrote that he never wanted to talk again, I immediately responded and apologized and said how stupid I felt and how I wanted to forget about the whole thing. This was two hours ago and now I’m worried that I will never hear from him again and that he will never forgive me. In the past, when we were separated, occasionally, we’d see each other and then fight because I wanted to try long distance and he didn’t, and one of us would say “stop contacting me, it’s over, etc.” I guess that never worked out because now we’re in the same city, seeing each other and giving it a shot. I’m just worried he means it this time because I’m the one who messed up. So now it’s been 2 hours since my apology text and I haven’t heard back (mind you, I didn’t respond for several hours to his texts) and now I’m on your website because I don’t want to lose him again. It sucked the first time and it’d suck even more if we didn’t give this a real chance. What should I do if he says he means it?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 5:38 pm

Hi gzav

You already apologized. So, just let him cool down.

Melissa G.

September 25, 2016 at 11:03 pm

2yrs ago I dated my ex and he broke up with me after a short time because there was too much arguments on my part. After 2yrs he contacted me a few months ago because he wanted to reconcile the relationship. Recently his Mom passed away and I was there for him, but now he told me through text message that its best that we go our separate ways because he wants to focus on his family and I should focus on mine and that he still cares for me. I really do care for him and I wanted the relationship to work. Does it mean that we’re done for good or should I give him time and not reach out to him?

Melissa G.

September 27, 2016 at 12:32 pm

Would the NC rule work in this situation? I don’t know if it would and if he would contact me again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 27, 2016 at 2:10 pm

That’s ok. We understand.. Well, there’s no guarantee in any situation that the no contact rule will work. It can only help increase your chances.
Melissa G.

September 26, 2016 at 3:34 pm

I broke the rule and sent him text messages today because I was so upset until I had to regain focus. After today I will not contact him… no contact rule until he get his mind together. After that I don’t know if he would come back to me.
Melissa G.

September 26, 2016 at 12:00 pm

But we still had a bit of conflict, but he told me he was willing to work it out with me. But yesterday due to deaths that happened on my side and his side of the family, he told me that its best that we go our separate ways because he wants to think and focus… and now he’s saying he wants to be apart. I am so confused. He said he has fallen in love with me and now he wants to go separate ways. Is this because of the events that has happened? I truly love him. I don’t know what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 26, 2016 at 1:22 pm

He’s probably overwhelmed. Are you going to start doing no contact rule?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 26, 2016 at 10:33 am

Hi Melissa G,
He contacted you after two years of not talking and then just said he wants you back? If that’s so, then there’s a good chance that you’re not yet done.

Johanne

September 23, 2016 at 8:08 pm

Hello,
My name is Johanne and my ex boyfriend wrote to me on Skype : Do not contact me again (for the situation 2)

but he did not delete me on Skype…..

do you think it mean he will maybe contact me again?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 4:04 pm

Hi Johanne,

Well, he probably will if he didn’t delete you

Danielle Watt

September 23, 2016 at 8:23 am

Here is the run down. My boyfriend and I have been long distance for the last 3 years of our relationship (been dating since 17). In August, he moved to my city for an internship. I will admit everything didn’t go as planned…he got into a wreck being in a new city and he’s been dependent on my family to help him with transportation. On top of that (I see now from me giving him space) that I was acting like a mom instead of a gf a lot of times…especially when his family was so supportive of him permentanly moving to my city.
I start to feel him becoming distant. Finally on a Monday I asked him if he wanted to be single and he fought for our relationship and it made me happy because I didn’t want to be single I just wanted to see how much the relationship meant to him since he started to act so different.
The next day we got into a very heated argument and he just said he needed time to think. Later on in the week I went by to see him and talk this out and he said he needed space (mind you he asked me for a break during the summer but he really didn’t go through with it because we talked and he said he really wanted to focus on us and just see if the worries and doubts would go away) of course I was devastated and cried and everything and asked why and couldn’t we just try to work it out before a break but he didn’t budge and told me that he wanted to say yes to the break when I suggested it this week but didn’t want to be an a**hole about it. So that night I sent him a text telling him I would give him space because I saw my errors and everything. Didn’t talk to him the whole weekend then he text me on Sunday asking me if I was doing okay. I was so happy thinking this break was about to end that I called him but he sounded like he was having the time of his life and I got disappointed. After Sunday I asked him should I just move on and later that day he said he was just focusing on him no distractions or anything and he “couldn’t imagine moving on from me” because he remembers the good times and “ultimately time will tell” and he’s sorry he put me through this. I will admit I was okay with this…because it gave me hope. Later on that week I saw he changed his relationship status on Facebook to single. And my heart sank. If he didn’t need any distractions why change the status? I haven’t talked to him as much but we’ve talked (nothing about the relationship) but all my guy friends basically say we will get back together and just give him space. But it’s just hard for me because why did he have to change the status? Key things he has said is “he was trying to feel the same way he felt before with me” and that he wanted to just focus on himself. I think because we’ve dated since 17 maybe he feels it’s more out there then me. The reason I fell for him because he was so in love with me and he always talked about us getting married and kids and he never seem pressured about it. He also mentioned that he wanted to do things he wanted to do without thinking about my feelings towards it. He said 80% of the decisions he made was about how I would feel about them. How he wanted to one day go overseas but because I was hesitant it made him not want to go. SN: we both wore promise rings and I gave him back mine and told him to give it back when he wants to get back together…and I saw he still has my promise ring and his sitting on his nightstand. I wish I would’ve read this blog before this happened but I’m glad I found it now. Surprisingly, I’m very optimistic and I think we will get back together from talking to my guy friends…but I want to know if maybe I’m thinking Unrealistically. Thank you in advance

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 9:06 am

Hi Danielle

yeah, it’s a grass is greener syndrome.. He felt withheld from doing what he wants because of you.. which you didn’t ask him to but I think you fed it by being motherly.. but I think there is still a chance.. yes, give him space but improve yourself as well.. have your own life so that he would think that you will not stop him with whatever he wants to do in life because you got your own thing going.

A

September 21, 2016 at 1:25 am

On NC Day 6. Late last night, my ex sent me a message saying he’s thinking about me and is praying for me. I replied with a simple thank you. Was that breaking the NC period already? What did he mean about his message?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 22, 2016 at 8:52 pm

Hi A,
Yes, but since you’re still early. For me you can just continue one the count and don’t do it again. The only reasons that you can reply is if you’re talking about things that needed to be given or taken, emergencies, children, really important stuff that can’t wait until after nc(that doesn’t include your feelings nor his) and if he gets back together. Other than that, focus in improving yourself. That means he missed you

Cell

September 17, 2016 at 11:30 pm

Hello

My ex fiance left me and my daughter over a month ago I came home from work to find his stuff gone. We had a date set for next year had all our deposits put down. He sent me a text 3 days later basically saying he has been unhappy for a long time and loves me and always has but his love for me is his weakness. I tried texting him and calling him for a month nothing. Two days ago he called me sounded super angry amd said he changed his number n that we are done and goodbye. I am so devastated do you think he will ever give us a second change my heart hurts for our daughter.
Thanks

Cell

October 6, 2016 at 5:01 pm

He still hasnt come to see his daughter i ran into him at tim hortons a few weeks ago and he still wouldn’t talk to me and hasn’t made an effort to come get his things back
Cell

September 20, 2016 at 6:02 pm

I was really bossy but I see that now and want to change I am 21 and am still learning we were together for 4 years but best friends for 8 years we had deposits put down for our wedding next year. He called me said we are done for ever and he won’t be coming back and that he changed his number and I pushed him away from our daughter. I don’t know what to do he was my life…. his best friend just started dating mine 3 months ago so now that’s awkward.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 22, 2016 at 5:17 pm

Well, time to start to have your own life.. And even if you get him back, you have to maintain that.If you are going to do no contact, ge can still talk to his daughter.. as long as you don’t talk about you and him, it’s ok to keep talking about your child.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 20, 2016 at 7:09 am

Hi Cell,

so, what do you think is the real reason why he left? Did you always fight? was the relationship boring? How long were you together?

Britney

September 17, 2016 at 3:57 pm

When my ex broke up with me three months ago, he said that I was “beautiful, gorgeous, smart, and you have so much to offer the world.” But that he thought we were incompatible, that he didn’t want to stay with someone he didn’t see marrying, and that he was sorry he wasn’t the man I wanted or needed. I told him that wasn’t true, and I apologized to him for how I nagged him about putting pictures of us on facebook, pushed him to say, “I love you” (we only dated two and a half months), and drank a little too much a couple of times and said some things I didn’t mean. He said he would always care about me, but he just didn’t think we were compatible. Then, he said something interesting. He said, “I’m not going to be laughing about this; I’m going to be devastated if we break up.” (What does THAT mean?) I just told him that I thought he was wrong about me, I was happy with him, but if he has made up his mind, well, okay. I was kind of prepared for it, because he had said he “needed time to think” a week prior. I didn’t hear anymore from him for a week, so I changed my Facebook relationship status to “single” (hidden from newsfeed) and did nothing. When he called and asked if I had been thinking about things, I actually said, “I thought we weren’t talking anymore.” Then, he launched into the break-up speech. I really cared about him and would like to have another shot, but I am literally scared to try. I initiated NC that very day and have not broken it in three months. He even ignored my birthday last week. I’ve continued to self-improve and posted nice pictures with friends and family on social media (looking my best!) But…still nothing. I’ve tried your system before, and it worked with another guy, but I only got him back for one weekend. 🙁 My question is, should I even try anything, or would it be best to accept things and move on?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 19, 2016 at 4:25 pm

Hi Britney,

For me, I think you should move on..

Brit

September 15, 2016 at 10:46 pm

My divorce is almost finalized. I didn’t want the divorce. What’s it mean when he text me saying he doesn’t want me to feel like I have to be alone and wants me to find someone who makes me laugh, smile and who I can trust. Also saying that his leaving wasn’t my fault and he doesn’t want me to bear his cross.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 17, 2016 at 2:56 pm

Hi Brit,

He wants you to move on and be happy.

Sharn

September 15, 2016 at 2:31 pm

Hello. My boyfriend (now ex) and I were starting to develop feelings. We weren’t dating. He was a playboy. So one day he stopped talking to me and slept with another girl. Few weeks later, he came back and didn’t tell me anything, just said sorry. I didn’t really thought he would do that and accepted him back. He proposed me and we started dating. We were very happy. Until it’s been 2 months when I found out he stopped talking to me to fuck someone else. It was very hard to take it. I was constantly having thoughts like maybe that girl was way more attractive. I never realised that it was before we started dating and now he’s changed
I thought that maybe if I get involved with someone else, things would get better for me. He got to know about my one time affair and broke up with me. I feel disgusted and terrible. I want him back. But he says that he hates me but he still cares and that there’s no way we are getting back together
Does he really mean that? Or is he just angry? Also personally I think that if he didn’t really had second thoughts, he wouldn’t text to ask me to move on or tell me that he will be moving on soon. My heart says he will forgive me and come back to me, but my heart says something else

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 18, 2016 at 1:55 pm

Hi Sharn,

I think he just said that because he’s angry and hurt.. Listen to this: Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)
EBR 020- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If YOU Cheated

Kimberly

September 13, 2016 at 9:29 pm

Hey so my ex and I broke up bout almost 3weeks ago and even packed his stuff then came back but I wouldn’t let him fix it. And ignored all his calls and messages and him at work. Then he saw me talking to one of my customers at work outside while smoking and accused me of sleeping with him and caused a scene. Then came to the house after work and took his shit and left. Then told me to delete his number. And he posted in all the photos I forgot to delete of us and still sent me memes. Then he avoids me at work now. Then he told a frnd of ours how much he missed me and tried getting ppl at work to fix us. But then last week when I tryd to reconnect with him he sed No and get over it. But he still has my mom on fb and added all these girls States away and been trying to make jealous? So I dnt understand he says leave him alone and since I only tried that one day to fix it he sed no so I haven’t txted him since and it’s going on a week since. He just avoids me,but I see him at times out eyes meeting at work and we both just look away. Is he taking time to get through his emotions or is he just really done??

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 16, 2016 at 6:49 pm

Hi kimberly,

I think it’s either he got tired or he’s wants to get even..

Sam

September 11, 2016 at 4:57 am

Hi, quick question, my ex and I have been really close friends (with benefits sometimes) since we ended things, (he went back to his ex) we talk every day, we go for lunch twice a week, sex sometimes, but just as friends, however he gets really defensive in certain situations, for example:
He takes a whole day to reply to a text, and I go ‘hey what took you so long!” and he goes “I’m not explaining myself, cause we are nothing” OR we’d be walking together and I’d be like “hey wanna go for lunch?” and he says “No I’m really busy today, don’t think I can” and I’d say “oh cool what are you so busy with?” and he’d get all defensive and say that exact same line, as if I didn’t know we are just friends, and I ask him the same way I would ask any friend during casual conversation, and any friend would kindly reply, so I don’t get why he gets like that, and it’s so weird cause he gets kinda violent, and I’ve thought “maybe he’s meeting his girl and he doesn’t want me to know” which is dumb cause i’ve already accepted the fact that they’re together; but I’ve realized sometimes he’s just going home to study or whatever and he still gets really defensive and almost violent when I question him in a friendly way, kind of as if I were questioning him as a girlfriend! Why does he act like that? why do he always say “we’re nothing” and he won’t “explain himself to me”? please help

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 12, 2016 at 4:09 pm

Hi Sam
you said it yourself, he probably thinks you’re asking him like a girlfriend, and he doesnt want you to expect, so he’s always setting the record straight that your just friends with benefits and he doesnt want you to ask questions, that for him, only girlfriends or friends that he doesn’t have intimate relationships with can ask..
he doesnt want you to get comfortable with him

Amy

September 10, 2016 at 11:35 pm

Thank you. Before I got your response, i texted that I was ok being friends, and he never even returned the text. I am going NC any suggestions? He’s already showing his true character

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 12, 2016 at 12:54 pm

Read this article to do nc properly: The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)

Marianne

September 10, 2016 at 5:32 pm

My ex-boyfriend and I were together. He broke up with me abruptly about four months ago, out of the blue and with seemingly no reason. He ignored me for about a month but then started sending me text messages like I miss you and things like that,. We started seeing each other again off and on and I thought that he was just taking things slowly. He broke up with me again by text a month later and immediately started dating another girl and bragging to everybody at work how serious they were and how excited he was to have met her. He leaves the room whenever I enter and totally avoids me and I don’t understand why, I did absolutely nothing wrong to him.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 12, 2016 at 9:38 am

Hi Marianne,

maybe he feels guilty whenever he sees you. Does the girl work with you two?

Amy

September 10, 2016 at 12:19 am

Hi there here is my question. My ex and I broke up and I have gone bk. and forth on if I should be friends with Him. I told him I would stay friends, and then we got into an argument later. I apologized and said as friends, I’d like him to apologize (he said some bad things), but he wouldn’t. I texted bk. that “I don’t want to be friends”. I am ok moving on and can’t stand his disrespect. I don’t even know if he can change. Should I go NC if I love him and want his best self back? If so, should I text back that we can still be friends first, or just go NC? I want him to see he was wrong not to aoologize, but would still like to see a future if we can both improve.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 5:36 pm

Hi Amy,

why did you break up? In your case, you have to just start nc because it would be confusing if you tell him you want to be friends and youll ignore him

Amy

September 9, 2016 at 11:43 pm

Hi there here is my question. My ex and I broke up and I have gone bk. and forth on if I should be friends with him. I told him I would stay friends, and then we got into an argument later. I apologized and said as friends, I’d like him to apologize (he said some bad things), but he wouldn’t. I texted bk. that “I don’t want to be friends”. I am ok moving on and can’t stand his disrespect. I don’t even know if he can change. Should I go NC if I love him and want his best self back? If so, should I text back that we can still be friends first, or just go NC? I want him to see he was wrong not to aoologize, but would still like to see a future if we can both improve.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 5:36 pm

Hi Amy,

why did you break up? In your case, you have to just start nc because it would be confusing if you tell him you want to be friends and youll ignore him

Ayesha Parker

September 9, 2016 at 8:40 am

My ex and I have been on and off.
We had the most amazing day a few days ago and after that he stopped speaking to me.
He thereafter unfollowed me on Instagram & when i asked him why, he said that he needs to get over me and he needed to do that to make it easier for me.
I did not reply to those messages of his but it has devastated me.
What should i do now?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 11:12 am

HI Ayesha,
why does he say that? Why is he hesitating on getting back with you? Are you too available? How much have you changed from the girl he broke up with?

Lita

September 9, 2016 at 1:20 am

since me and my boyfriend broke up things have been so crazy and stupid its hard to understand what the heck is going on anymore. we dated for 4 years , alot of things happen with his life and my own .. and because of a stupid things i did at work and got let go he broke up with me .

he says i dont tell him the whole truth when it comes to things i would only give him the good and make things pretty, he said i didn’t have my life together , and i saw after the break up he was right . he said he wanted to be friends and to be all honest i didn’t even want that , i was just trying to be nice …but even trying todo that he was fighting with me, looking to see if i was lying about something to stay angry.

atm i am working on myself but i see that almost everyday he is posting more and more on facebook , showing off , hanging out with people he never would before …and always telling me His doing so much better everytime we talked.
and when i would tell him im happy for him he would get upset. even when talking on the phone when i was being relaxed he would yell or be mean , or make it so big to yell at me at the end that i hurt him.
yet he tells me his doing so well…I don’t know what to do
i don’t know how he feels about me
and i do want to make this right and get back with him
i feel like his doing all this to prove something
but i dont know 100%

right now im doing the no contact rule seeing that he told me
he doesn’t need to talk to me and wants me to work on myself
but yet i kinda saw that he spys on me

see i watch him on instagram but he doesn’t watch me
so he cant see when i post stuff ..but yet after are big fight …and him saying he doesn’t want to talk to me and to work on myself he goes ahead and likes something i post.

Plz help me! i am so lost

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 9:27 am

Hi Lita,

you’ve already made the right first step. You just have to focus in it. Continue improving yourself. Don’t mind if he checks you or not, because you’ll never know if he checks it through a friend or he’s content with Facebook posts.

Focus in improving yourself, you only have a limited time to start this new routine before you build rapport with him again after nc. So, make the most of it.

Malak

September 5, 2016 at 3:58 am

Ok so i’ve been with my bf for 5/6 years, we’re high school sweethearts, each other’s firsts and all that now i’m 22, he’s 23 and we’re in college we live 2h from each other and we used to see each other every week end…
Everything was great up until last year, he didn’t want to spend as much time with me anymore, he stopped introducing me to his friends, stopped going on dates except when we’re just hanging out with friends or having the routine of ordering at home and netflix and chill basically, our sex life suffered from it as well and I kind of complained and he got hurt or annoyed and so it made things worse, he stopped answering his calls and he just didnt seem interested anymore and that made me frustrated so I would lash out and it was a vicious circle. And he did hurt me a lot, just a quick example (ok the worst one but i’m still hurt and i still cant believe he did this): there were problems with the trains but i still took one and i spent 5h just to get to his city +(the train is expensive and i’m just a college student) and then we got into kind of a fight (as in i told him we only have sex once every three weeks/month and i’m 22 i’m still young and i dont like this lifestyle) so he got upset and he went out he said he will watch a football game with his friends but then come 2am he still wasnt home i called like a 100 times because i was genuinely worried about his safety I didnt have his friend’s phone number and i couldnt reach him and i didnt know where he was, and he came back like the day after at noon and he started apologizing and begging me to stay so i did (he was shocked that i stayed tho)
Anyway this is just an example and it’s true that everytime we had an argument i would bring up past arguments like theseand he basically got annoyed and at one point he texted me and he said he wanted a break, at that point i said no, you either break up for real or we’re still together, he said he didnt want to break up because he doesn’t me seeing other guys (lol what) and then he basixally cut his phone again like he just sent this and cut his phone so what i did (and i know it was stupid) i basically took the train and showed up at his door and asked for an explanation he was shocked i came, he was with his friends it was so embarrassing for me but i mean we talk in private but it’s obvious they talked about me after this. ANYWAY, so we went on a break for about three days and then i went to his house (he asked me to and it was convienient for me because he lives in paris and i was going to take a flight from paris) so basically at that point even if he was the one at fault i started apologizing for being mad because i just didnt want this situation to go on like this and i told him i just wanted things to go back to the things they were. We had sex. I honestly felt pathetic afterwards but whatever..
So at that point i thought we were somewhat cool, and we kept talking on text (i went to my parents house in my homecountry and he was still in paris so we couldnt see each other) and things were okay but i still felt like there was this big elephant in the room and it was uncomfortable so I just told him that i felt like he was avoiding me, he said that he loved me but he think i should get my act together because i do nothing apart from reading books watching tv and eating crap. (That’s something that i’ve been actually working on, i went through a hard time last year because i experienced an academic failure and i had to give up on my dream job which is surgeon), i told him that really if he’s given up on me at my worst then why should i rely on him especially since i never did that when it happened to him like litterally two years ago i was really supportive and i did everything for him. He was like no i care about you and im here for you i want you to get better… So at that point it was ok, I was starting to be better and I started seeing a therapist, so i told him that after a few days and he said that he wants to throw up because he realizes the way he makes me feel and he thought that i was seeing a therapist because of him so it scared him off and he wanted a break. I was kind of offended and i lowkey begged/argued (mostly argued). But then i said ok and i said i wasn’t going to talk to him, the same night he sees me on line and he send me a msg to go to sleep, i told him that i was busy talking to a guy from school and he didn’t like that (ok that was a petty attempt to make him jealous but it was the truth) so i told him that i have a right to talk to whoever i wanted now and that it was just friendly talk. He agreed and he said he just wanted to say good night so the conversation went like this
“I just wanted to say goodnight”
“Ok say it”
“Goodnight baby”
“Baby?”
“Just because we’re on a break doesnt mean youre not my baby anymore” (lol again what)
Anyway, at that point the next day i was kind of devastatef and that’s when i found this website and i pirchased the exbfrecovery pro (thxx btw it’s a great book) and i started doing the no contact rule and focusing on myself and the more days passed by the more i actually questionned if i really actively wanted to go back to him (i still loved him but i was hurt and i still am and i just was so confused because why would i put so much effort to go back to someone who treated me Like i was nothing, bit whatever the heart wants what it wants) (this was back in 5 august)
So i didn’t reach out to him since 5 august i just focused on myself and we actually share a spotify account and he put a song in my playlist and it was basically saying that he missed me and he miss the sound of the phone ringing i kinda got happy about this because you know at least he misses me. But fastforward to 20 august, i saw a video of him on snapchat and he wqs filming a girl drawing on a wall and it was like a party and they were joking so i got hurt and i said “hey” and instead of idk at least appearing like he missed me he was just neutral and said “hey” so after that i thought long and hard and i decided that inwas going to break up, i sent him a long ass text i didnt even talk about the girl i just told him that i deserve better than this, that this time i was done for good and i wasn’t looking back, i blocked and removed him from all social media but i kept his number just in case i guess and at that point i just focused on myself and even though it’s so awful i decided that it was for the best
But than yesterday, calling it stupidity or love, i reached out to him and the conversation went like this:
Me: “Hey i miss you..”
Him: “Hey i miss you too. How are you?”
Me: “I’m good, you? What have you been up to these past few weeks?”
Him:”just work. You know I really miss you, i keep looking at pictures of us together”
Ok at this point i started crying when i saw this msg and i wanted to seem detached so i said “Awww. You should’ve reached out if you missed me this much”
Ok so right now i have no idea if i screWed it up because it’s been 27h and he still hasn’t answered. I’m not sendobg anything ( i’m trying to keep the texts balanced) but like was my text too bossy lr lowkey petty pr something? Was i supposed to say me too ? (Even though i technically deleted all our pictures) so really i have no idea what is happening right now, and i don’t get it

Malak

September 12, 2016 at 12:21 am

Ok, he called the other day and we talked but like at one point i told him that i missed him and i wanted to see him for my birthday which is today, he said he has plans and then he told me he’ll see me the next weekend but i told him i had plans with a friend of mine that lives in paris but i can see him there if he wants and he said no, when i want to see you i’ll come to your house.
Anyway i felt him being rude and distant about this whole thing. We talked more i told him that there were things i wanted to say but i didnt know if i should and he said “if you think its going to piss me off then dont” and like at one point i asked him what was up because he was silent and i was basically talking all by myself, he said nothing since yesterday or whatever (i did the no contact the day before) rn i went back to no contact, what should i do if he wishes me happy birthday?
I also got kinda pissed because he went out with some girl “friend” today i didnt say anything to him because of the no contact but i’m just freaking out, its really annoying me now i’m just so mad at him because this is supposedly a friend but when we were together he posted a picture of her on instagram with the hashtag “mygirlfriend mysoulmate” and then he said it was a joke between them i just dont get it, and this is the same girl i saw on his snapchat a few weeks ago, i just don’t understand is he with her now or is she just a friend? What is happening? I just want answers like clear answers. I think i’m going back to no contact completely. It’s just way too hard for me right now and I think i need to take a step back.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 13, 2016 at 5:34 pm

I’m going to be honest. This is going to sting so, brace yourself. I didn’t read your previous comments, so based just on that, he sounds like he’s annoyed. He sounds like he’s forced to talk you, or just being kind as he can be, but the truth is he’s not really into talking.. And he sounded like, he doesn’t want you to expect him to make efforts for you..

And with the other girl, whether they’re together or not, it’s obvious that they’re flirting.

after doing this no contact, take it slow with him.. Remember even if he says he misses you or not after this nc, don’t jump to expecting him to be back like before..
Malak

September 6, 2016 at 8:19 pm

Quick update: we talked on the phone, i told him what was up with my life and he started laughing at my stories and everything i said to him. I asked him why he didnt try to reach out to me if he missed me he said that he did try, I told him i didnt get anything and he said he wanted to send something to me but then his friends kept him from doing so, they told him you can’t do that, it’s weird or whatever.
So anyway he didn’t really have any story or anything to tell me (he usually doesn’t but whatever) I asked him if he’s seeing anyone and he said no (he asked me as well and i said no).
So anyway that was basically it, I asked him if he wanted to meet (i know im supposed to do texting/calling/meeting but since he called i figured might as well jump right into it) he said “i dont know”. we talked for 50min and then he went to study and I went out with friends. So now i think i will not talk to him tomorrow and maybe wait for his call/text the day after tmrw or if he doesn’t i’ll call myself.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2016 at 7:41 am

Ok.. Malak but take it slow. He’s clearly cautious. He doesn’t want to rush things, and if he thinks you’re trying to get back with him, he might avoid you..
Malak

September 6, 2016 at 10:57 am

Hii,
Yes i’m trying to build rapport right now, I sent him a msg asking if he wanted to keep in touch even if it’s just friends, he took a long time to answer but then he said yes but he still hasn’t reached out right now.
Do you think I should do the no contact rule for a few days now? And when we establish contact I do the friendzone/flirt/friendzone/flirt thing?
I just don’t understand why he takes so much time to answer if he says that he misses me and that he keeps looking at our pictures together.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 6, 2016 at 9:52 am

Hi Malak,

maybe he just doesnt know what to say after that.. so are you going to aim to build rapport now?

Vonica

September 5, 2016 at 3:49 am

My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday. We been together for 3 years. I have really been complaining to him about his lack of communication. He works for fox news so he be really busy. The things is we have plans to do something and he gets called in to work and won’t even tell me that he is unable to make our plans instead he keeps leading me on like we still going to go out. Then I won’t hear from him until hours later. So yesterday he did it again. So when I start telling him how I felt. He told me that maybe he is not the man for me and we should just leave each other alone. Just last week he told me he want us to work out and how he want us to go all the way. So I don’t understand how he go from telling me that to telling me it’s over. I want to ask him for my house key back but don’t know how.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 6, 2016 at 8:52 am

Hi Vonica,

maybe he really wanted to go out and have fun with you but his work gets in the ways but he still wanted to do that once he’s free.. And maybe his work cant let him update you on time

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