What Your Ex Says Vs. What They Mean- The Comprehensive Guide

909 thoughts on “What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means”

alana

January 24, 2021 at 12:42 am

Hi
My ex (hurts to call him that) broke up with me because he needed to work on himself. He has significant traumas that he has never addressed and that made him more in more distant. He is finally starting therapy but said it was not fair to me because he would not be able to give himself emotionally to me if he felt incomplete as a person. He said he loves me so much and wants to be with me, but just feels guilty that he cant give me all he knows I deserve. His sister said the same thing. I know “I’ll always love you” doesnt mean getting back together. But considering we didn’t break up because a lack of love/chemistry/attraction/etc., do we still have a chance? If we both work on ourselves? we’ve done no contatc for a couple days….
Faith

January 11, 2021 at 9:42 pm

Well my ex used to love me so much. He made tremendous efforts while we were in the relationship. Brought me and introduced me to his parents, family and friends. Asked for my parents and family’s permission to court me. But I was still so young back then, and having him as my first bf, I was really scared. I was scared that he might just end up hurting me or leaving. I couldn’t really commit myself to the relationship because of my fears. so I kept breaking up with him for more than 5 times in our 2 years relationship. I have certainly hurt him deeply. He told me he was indeed so hurt but never regretted loving me. He finally gave up because he couldn’t take it anymore. I finally realized I was so wrong and apologized to him deeply. And I finally admitted that I still love him. But he told me he has already moved on and so I should. He also told me he did love me so much and but he just already fell out of love. Still, he told me he still wishes for the best for me, and for me to always take care of myself. He also learnt about another guy asking me out, but he told me I don’t clearly like the guy and that I should not date immediately if I am still not sure the other guy. He also told me that I should assess first for a LONG TIME if the other guy would really stick to me and if I am really capable of sticking to that other guy too. But I told him it’s not that the guy is not likable. He is. Just that I couldn’t bring myself yet to date the other guy because I still love my ex bf. And I finally asked him if he really isn’t coming back anymore and if it is really over now because if it is, then I would just start to open my heart to the other guy. By the way, it was him who told me first that he’s courting another girl and that he would be faithful to her as he was faithful to me. So I told him that if he really has gotten over me, that there is another guy courting me. And that if he really isn’t coming back anymore, then I might as well just accept the fact that it’s over between us and just give the other guy a chance. So I hope he would really just tell me honestly if there’s nothing more to hope for in our relationship. He then told me I am now free, that he will not stop me from dating other guys, and that yes, I should no longer hope that we’d get back together.

There was no 3rd party issues during our relationship, just me not being ready to commit yet because we were still young back then and I do not know how to handle the relationship, and him ended up being deeply hurt for my numerous rejections of him. But I can no longer blame him if he’s already fallen out of love for being hurt so much. I just decided not to respond to his last message anymore and just focus on myself. It’s just sad though. But maybe life is really just like this.
Mandy

January 10, 2021 at 8:53 pm

So me and my ex have been togther 9 yrs and have a child together.
I cant say it was anything major that broke us up, lack of communication, drifted a little&didnt make an effort to speak about it. I was going through a tough time having just lost my dad&he left abt a month after he passed. We have been apart three months and having asked about a chance to sort things he has said he dont want it anymore&has moved on with his life&it wouldnt be the same if we tried again.
After we split i think there was another woman but that ended before it even began he wasnt interested.
Do you think he means it when he says defo no going back

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 11, 2021 at 6:30 pm

Hi Mandy, no I don’t think that it means there is no going back, it sounds as if he just wants to be on his own “right now” so I would suggest that you follow the limited no contact work on yourself, attempt to show him who you are now as a mother, but also who he fell in love with 9 years ago. There are many articles here to help you work through the program especially ones where you share children and have to follow limited no contact

Isa

January 5, 2021 at 5:40 am

My ex boyfriend, Matt and I broke up on September 2020. Our last form of contact was on November 2020. I haven’t contacted him since then because he told me he no longer feels the same. He didn’t attempt to contact me either. What does that usually mean? Does this mean he has someone else? Or met someone else?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 6, 2021 at 10:01 pm

Hi Isa, I can not really tell you if he has met someone else, that information is only something he could tell you / you could be told. However, him telling you that he no longer feels the same way, means that he is not feeling as attracted to you or as happy in the relationship as he used to be. This does not mean that it is the end though, if you spend some time working on yourself so that you become the best version of yourself, use social media to show this and reach out after 30 days NC then you may be able to follow the program and get your ex back.

rose

November 21, 2020 at 1:20 am

i broke up with my ex, we still love each other but a week after we got into an argument, we started playing the “making the other one jealous” game and then he met a girl, says he likes her. he said he doesn’t love me anymore. he keeps telling me to move on. he wants to be friends though. i want him back badly. but i’m afraid if really is over. 🙁
Samy

November 21, 2020 at 1:14 am

My ex replies to me i have a lot on my plate.
We have stopped speaking since July 2020 and i really want him back but i think he is not attracted to me or he might’ve moved on.
How do i get him back?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 9, 2020 at 5:51 pm

Hi Samy, you start by working on yourself and reading the articles on this website to help you understand the program, going forward be sure that you read the texting articles ready for when you start to reach out to your ex

Maddy

November 14, 2020 at 8:22 pm

My ex broke up with me after 3 years of a really serious and loving relationship. We got a bit passive and complacent, but we are best friends, and we really felt we are soulmates. I still believe we are soulmates. I moved across the country for him, and we always said we’d be together forever. We live together at the moment. We even have a cat together, who is like our son, one which he loves and I can’t believe he would ever leave.

We broke up mutually at first. I decided to talk with him one night, because my friend pressured me into doing it after I told her I felt like it was getting passive. We agreed to be friends. I felt slight relief afterwards, and it was okay for the first 2 weeks.

After 2 weeks I regretted my decision when I realized I was still in love with him, and willing to work on the relationship. It was too painful for me to live around him without being romantic or I did all the wrong things – begging, pleading, etc. I told him we can work through it and work to get the passion back because we still love each other. He said no, he’d never get back with me. After that I left for 10 days to my parents in another state and went no contact, hoping when I came back he would change his mind.

When I got back, we had a few more talks where I tried to convince him this was a mistake for both of us and I really wanted to try again. He ultimately said no, he would never love me again and said he didn’t have any feelings for me anymore.

He’s looking for an apartment and moving out as soon as he can get the paperwork done. I have distanced myself from him emotionally and physically as much as I can in the apartment, but I’m still crying every day and can’t sleep from anxiety. When he leaves, I plan to implement no contact for as long as it takes to heal (and at least 30 days), but I still believe we can work and that it’s not the end of our story.

Is him moving out of our shared apartment the nail in the coffin? Or is it a good thing? Is there a chance?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 4, 2020 at 9:21 pm

Hi Maddy, it is actually a good thing that he is moving out as you are able tog into a proper No contact once this happens, while living together you need to follow the rules of LNC as well as emotional control – try not to get upset in front of him etc. Work on yourself as best you can right now and read articles that you feel apply to your situation.

Lou

November 12, 2020 at 11:46 am

What if he broke up then said didn’t feel same bout you anymore felt after a couple months be better as friends

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 12, 2020 at 5:03 pm

Hi Lou, he probably has the impression that there is someone else out there who can make him happier. You need to work on yourself and read the article about being Ungettable and show your ex how he lost someone amazing, work on yourself during your No contact of at least 30 days

T

October 7, 2020 at 12:36 pm

What if he stopped complimenting you a while ago and a month and a half after the breakup sends a text saying you’re looking good keep it up?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 8, 2020 at 8:34 am

Hi T, take the compliment that he noticed that you are looking good. I wouldn’t say there was much more in the message apart from a genuine compliment

Angie

September 23, 2020 at 12:51 am

I think I blew it. We broke up because he said he wasn’t worthy of me and he needed to have a career before feeling like he was worth a relationship. We remained friends for a month, and I could tell he was still interested in me so I pressured on getting back together. He finally said he isn’t blocking me but he is going to ghost me and doesn’t want to speak anymore since I could not respect his request to stop. It’s been 8 days since we spoke. I have no idea what this even is at this point. He games and isn’t doing so as much without me around now and he is really forcing himself to even speak to people or portray a semblance of being “ok” all the while complained in a group chat that I wasn’t gaming anymore with him. No idea how to take any of this. Is this considered no contact at this point? I am working on myself. I crashed hard up until 2 days back. Now I am slowly getting back on my feet, studying and exercising. I am so confused.
Paige

August 13, 2020 at 5:43 pm

I got:
“I don’t feel the same way anymore”
“I’m not invested in this relationship” followed by “I have other priorities” (ie school, new job)

And then “maybe i’m being selfish, and I might be making the biggest mistake of my life right now”

Within two days of our breakup, he removed me from Instagram and Facebook, and signed up for Tinder. I feel like I was completely wiped from him life and that everything we built together in two years meant nothing.

I feel like he was so dead set on his desire to break up that I didn’t even get the opportunity to plead my case or fix the problems he felt we were having.

Currently on day 15 of no contact, not having heard a single peep from him, and i’m struggling with feeling like he will never come back no matter what I do.
Sarah

August 9, 2020 at 5:15 am

We dated for 5mths (LDR) & he was attentive & loving but I felt he pulled away & said “I’m worried at how close we’ve become”. He came out of a toxic 5yr relationship about 4-6mths before we got together. I’m worried I was an unintentional rebound. When we split he said the “it’s not you, it’s me” & “I don’t know what I want” excuses. We talked a couple of times a week for a few weeks after the split & he was always receptive & said he loved & missed me. I started NC 3 weeks ago when he cancelled a planned visit. I did send short email when I colleague died & he responded that it was good to hear from me & hopes I’m well. I didn’t respond. I’m so confused. Please help.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 2, 2020 at 8:59 pm

Hey Sarah, so if you want to get this ex back then you would need to start following the program. With day one of no contact being from when you read his email, in that time work on your holy trinity and yourself and prepare yourself for the texting phase

Bailey

July 4, 2020 at 4:30 pm

We broke up yesterday and he was silent during the break up what does that mean? He said nothing hurtful on the way out the door or packing all of his stuff. He was completely silent and only talked when I said something. The only thing he said was that he didn’t need help with packing and to leave him alone. Please please help me understand!!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 4, 2020 at 10:01 pm

Hi Bailey, it was his way of dealing with the break up. Some scream and shout, some talk through it, and others choose to run from it. This is his fight or flight kicking in. You need to follow the 30 day No Contact rule and work on yourself before you start reaching out to him in a months time

J

June 16, 2020 at 8:03 pm

My ex boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years going into 3 but we recently broke up a month ago. We were engaged so the break up really messed me up. I immediately started no contact & after the 30 days he reached out to me & started talking to me again. The first few weeks were going well but then he became very hot & cold & started giving me mixed signals. I just don’t understand what he wants & I feel like messed up my chances of us getting back together. He says he cares about me & has love for me & still will but isn’t in love with me? I don’t understand how his feelings can disappear so quickly.. what should I do? I feel stuck & I really love this guy.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 16, 2020 at 9:01 pm

Hey J the main thing you need to do is work on yourself so that you do not feel that you are so upset by the break up. Where you reach a point of being happy focusing on being the best version of yourself. If you have not done so yet you need to complete a period of No Contact for at least 30 days

Molly

June 6, 2020 at 7:31 pm

My boyfriend of 4 and a half years broke up with me 5 days ago, after I discovered he had been pursuing another girl behind my back. He told me that he felt differently about our relationship, that he wasn’t in love with me anymore, that he didn’t see how we could be together, that there was too much pressure… whilst also telling me he cared about me and loved me and would never abandon me.
He of course said “let’s still be friends”, but I said no, it’s too difficult. I tried to say that we can always find a way to fix things (even the cheating), but he was defiant. I said “if you walk out that door, this will be the last time we see or speak to each other”. He left, I broke down and he returned twice to hug me, said I love you and then truly left.
We’ve had no contact since then, until today.
I went to his to speak to him, as I had things I wanted to say so I knew for myself, I had done everything I could for our relationship. As I still truly love him deeply and my relationship is important to me. We talked, and he still said the same things. He couldn’t leave the past behind, he didn’t feel the same, he couldn’t see how he could feel like he did before this, our relationship was too dramatic, and he thought we couldn’t and shouldn’t be together. I tried to leave twice after dying a true farewell, accepting his no, and he came after me both times. Saying that he still wants to be friends, I’m his best friend, and he hoped in the near future he could contact me to better articulate his feelings. I said no, as I didn’t want to be friends and the cheating makes friendship impossible.
I did leave, we hugged and said goodbye.
I kept my composure the entire time too.

I desperately hope he regrets his decisions and contacts me. I am not going to contact him. What do you think our chances are?

In that talk today, I said I was willing to do what was needed for our relationship, what I felt had gone wrong and for us to leave the past behind and press the reset button. But I feel my words fell on death ears.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 17, 2020 at 12:19 am

Hey Molly, giving that you work on yourself and strive to get that Ungettable mindset then yes your ex is going to regret his decision because when you reach the Ungettable mindset and being the best version of yourself he is going to realise he made a mistake to let you go

Antonina

May 19, 2020 at 3:07 pm

Hi everyone! My ex broke up with me 35 days ago. During that time I ‘ve tried to do no contact. We were 3 years together and he broke up with me one month before he moved into my flat. He had signed a half contract already and now he quit it. I am still looking for a flatmate. He broke up with me saying “it is over. I cannot be with you. You are selfish and egoistic. I dont like your lifestyle”. When i asked if there is a chance getting back together he said no. Immediately after the break up I sent him an email where I apologise, i apologised once more the next day and I took all my stuff from his flat, i transfered him 300 euros and i disappeared. He has texted one time after 2 weeks asking how i am and what’s going on with the flat. I told him that when I find a new flatmate they will contact him (I talked to him completely neutral) and then I ended the conversation. He said he would go to his parents -i didnt ask him and I also didn’t comment on that . The 2nd time was on the 11th of May where he asked me how it is going with the flat. I responded a day later and i explained that it takes longer because of reasons and that I understand he is afraid of loosing money but i kindly asked him to be patient because I need to get out of town for a few days. He told me he didn’t want to push me with the flat question and that he doesn’t care about the money and he wants me to get out of this stress asap and of course to get out of town and enjoy my days. I was kind and not very cold after that. We chatted a bit, I made an inside joke we laughed and he ended the conversation. Today I texted him for the first time on day 35 by myself and I asked him something about a cable I wanted to buy, because he is a sound engineer and he can only answer that. He answered immediately and he said it’s a pleasure to help and he made a small joke when he ended the conversation. I am not gonna text him again. That was it from my side I believe. But it sounds like he is being friendly/neutral like me, right? Do you think there are chances to turn things around in the future? Thank you for reading my long message! I really appreciate it!! Have a beautiful week!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 9, 2020 at 11:39 pm

Hey Antonina, yes it is possible but it means that you are going to have to work through the program implementing the information in these articles.

Your girl

May 18, 2020 at 9:36 am

Me and my ex of 8 months have broken up yesterday.our relation was an on/off
.we used to fight alot..he always pointed out my mistakes whenever we brokeup and then always came back by taking this as an excuse..but we were not happy..because he always thought that I was at fault even if I was not.. sometimes I was surely at fault but my intentions were never to hurt him..he just could not understand my feelings and the reasons behind the way I behaved.. he just kept on feeling depressed because of my insecurities and jealousy.. but he never think about the point that what made me feel like this.. no matter what we never gave up on this relationship. Since last month things were going extremely crazy.. and he said he was getting mentally upset..and then he asked for space.. even after space he didnt talk to me in positive way..and fought again w9th me..then I said take more space.. after that he came back yesterday after having space..and right away yesterday I found out that he hide from me about his female friend which I came to know about myself.when I asked him he told me that he met her before our relationship and she was beautiful and that she help him in studies and sent me screenshots of their chat in which both parties were frankly joking with each other..teasing too…this fact hurted me that he never told me about this..I felt broken because he never gave me a chance to help him in his studies..I said that I dint want him now.. and in anger I blocked him from everything.then he texted me and again he didnt feel sorry but he said that again I made a mistake by doubting him..he said he just came back today after space and I right away created a mess again..he said he hates me..and also told me that he is fine with this relation and will never come back..do you think it is over ?is there any chance?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 20, 2020 at 11:11 pm

Hey there, so I would suggest that you spend some time in NC so that your ex has some space and in that time you need to learn about how to control your emotions when you speak to him next

Sofia

April 30, 2020 at 3:51 pm

Hi there,

My ex and I broke up about a month and a half ago. We dated for about 9 months. Everything was good, yes we fought a few times because he said I was always pushy and selfish. Every time we fought I tried to talk to him so we could fix things instead of giving him his space. When we broke up for good he said a lot of hurtful things to me. Deep down I don’t believe them all but some other things I do. When we broke up he called me after a week of not talking to tell me that we were never getting back together and to never contact him again. He blocked me and I left a few voicemail telling him how much I miss him, truly I didn’t know he could get those, I was just leaving them for the sake on me moving on. A little close to a month I contacted him again and asked him if we can talk and end things in good terms. He went off on me and told me that he had asked me not to contact him never again. That he was in a relationship already and he was happy with her, this was a month after we ended things. He threatened me with a restraining order and I got scared. He blocked me again so I contacted him from other people’s phones because I was scared. After me begging him not to do that he told me that he wasn’t going to if I leave him alone. I also found out he had heard all my voicemails. After this we didn’t talk for 3 days so I wanted closure and left him a voicemail saying that all I wanted was for us to end things in good terms and I promised that he didn’t need a restraining order because I wasn’t going to contact him never again. That same day he texted me and told me he was willing to talk but that we were never getting back together. I told him that I didn’t want to get back together but end things on good term because we had a great relationship. We made amazing memories and had good times. He told me that he never loved me and that all he wanted from me was sex and a good time. That same day he called me to tell me the final good bye and told me so many sweet things about my parents who he never met and my siblings. He thanked me for the amazing times we had and that i was a great woman to him. He always felt loved and appreciated by me and he was thankful for it. Truly idk what to think, he was a good man with me, for 9 months we shared a lot of things together, great dates, trips, he was a gentleman. He spoke with my mother once and meet my siblings and best friends. His sisters knew about me and all the things we did together. He shared some of his darkest and most hurtful times with me, I saw him at his worse and he told me that he had never done this because everyone else always judged him, but I didn’t. I know I pushed him, begged him and didn’t give him his space. It hurts that it was so easy for him to move on so quick when I can’t. I do want him back but he is the type of man that his word means a lot. I started no contact with him since the last time we talked. It’s been a week and I am making sure I am good but some days a bad.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 7, 2020 at 5:00 pm

Hey Sofia, I am so sorry that you are finding it difficult to deal with your break up but it is so important that you stop reaching out to him, and not using other peoples phones to contact him too. You need to give him some real space before he is going to be willing to hear you out. Also closure is a state of mind and it is not something he is going to be able to give you as he is not willing to tell you what you want to hear. IF you want to try and get him back then your first step would be 45 days No Contact and working extremely hard on your emotional control during that time

Joy

April 15, 2020 at 8:22 pm

We dated for just a month and I already fell deeply for him but the relationship wasn’t going that smoothly because we haven’t understand each other better,he decided to break up with me and I said crazy things to him which I regretted, I apologized to him, said he has forgiven me,he still loves me but not ready to be committed again,he can’t risk it we should be good friends, I don’t know what to do because I’m still I love with him

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 18, 2020 at 4:49 pm

Hi Joy, I would suggest giving it some time in NC and then reaching out again and building up your connection after 30 days NC

Kim

March 29, 2020 at 3:26 am

So my ex and I have been broken up for 6 weeks after dating and living together for 1 1/2 years. He became distant in the relationship and so I asked him what was wrong, he said that “nothing was making him happy in the world” not even me. I suggested maybe it would be best if I left and we could see if thats what he needed to feel better because he was very confused. He just felt like he had fallen out of love with everything. After a month of no contact I contacted him wanting to talk and looking for closure and he just seemed like he really didn’t want to see me and “couldn’t understand why i needed to see him in person”. His messages were short and sharp. I persisted and met him at his house however, he was not the same guy I knew, the man I knew was sweet and kind however this guy was rude and indifferent. I asked him if he felt sad at all after the relationship and he said no, I asked if he missed me at all since and he said he only misses my food and my body. I asked him to look me in the eyes and say that he had absolutley no feeling for me, which he did. I don’t know if he was being so cruel because I was acting so happy and because he pointed out “you’re handling this alot better than I thought”. Either way he was completley out of character and I cant believe that he’s changed so drastically. He kept saying stuff like “you’re more attractive than me, you’re smarter than me and you’re going further in life than me” and if he really thinks that how can he be so willing to let me go? We even got talking about friends and I’ve made a really close male friend and he said i should “give him a shot” certainly if he had feelings for me at all he wouldnt tell me to date someone else.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 6, 2020 at 2:31 pm

Hi Kim, it sounds as if your ex is struggling with his own issues if he is unhappy with life. I would suggest that you go into another No Contact of 45 days. And this time work on your emotional control so that you do not go through this conversation again – it honestly pushes him further away. You need to show your ex that you are focusing on yourself, bettering yourself in ways you want, and making sure you are HAPPY in life. Read about the Holy Trinity and focus on that, and when your no contact ends reaching out to your ex should be short, positive and unemotional conversations. You need to behave as if you are indifferent to him.

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909 thoughts on “What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means”