What Your Ex Says Vs. What They Mean- The Comprehensive Guide

909 thoughts on “What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means”

Sarah Pratley

March 24, 2020 at 3:11 pm

Hi I lasted 18 days of no contact and as my mum got more ill I reached out to him with a msg..I said I really wished he was here. He unblocked me on WhatsApp and said..I will always be there for you but this was bad timing of our separation and if I wanted contact I can email..then re-blocked me on WhatsApp ..I actually thought he would have come home by now. I have been seeing my friends and keeping busy. I just don’t understand how he can just walk away.i guess I start no contact again.
Sharma

March 22, 2020 at 1:29 pm

Hey chris..
I am happy to tell you that I got my ex back today.. just after 4 days of no contact rule..he messaged me on 1st day of no contact nd was just fighting with me..I didnt react..then on second day too he messaged me again with resentful nd angry messages making me feel guilty..I still didnt reply..nd on 3rd day neither he nor me texted each other and on 4th day means today he just texted me again y explaining each nd everything that which factors made our relation failed nd tried to sort out things and asked me for another chance..though he was very stubborn but yet he managed to start a conversation..then I broke my no contact. I have heard all the things like he never loved or hate me or regret loving me..its when I started moving on nd ignoring his messages he got super angry..nd then he found out that I have talked to his friend which made him even more rejected ..its when he texted me asking for another chance..thankyouuu chris

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 24, 2020 at 1:12 am

I wish you luck Sharma 🙂

Sharma

March 15, 2020 at 12:04 pm

Things have gotten worst between nd my ex.
He is not ready to understand my pont of view.he is just super angry st me after the breakup which has recently happened due to misunderstanding..he think I cheated him or lied to him while I didnt..he is not ready to think about the things according to my view..he is continuously abusing me..he sa8d i am the worst girl he ever met..hecsaid he wish i never met me and i made his life like hell..also he asked me not to come back to him as he never want to do anything with me again..please help..

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 17, 2020 at 8:48 pm

Hi Sharma, so you need to accept and respect your exes need for space right now. Gnatting him and pestering him is going to make it worse for yourself. You are not going to convince him other wise while his emotions are running high. Allow some space. No contact for 45 days

Scarlet

March 5, 2020 at 3:11 am

I broke up with my ex boyfriend and then realized that i put too much pressure on him and pushed him to be the perfect boyfriend. I told him I made a mistake and i undersrand how to fix it. But he said although his heart begs him to come back he needs to stay rational. He texted me for the first 2 weeks then we did 1 week no contact. We met up and he told me that he didnt feel anything during the week (feelings less strong), that he is happy with or without me, but hanging out with me made him feel something. However, he still doesn’t know if he wants to get back (he wants for 50%). He told me i love you too when he lefr but said it was 50% of the time (i think he jjst said it to make me feel better ?) He has been partying/seeing friends everyday since the no contact week until now. After that meeting, i told him lets start over as friend and see how it goes, but i started the 30 days no contact. I am scared that he will forget about me since he seems so happy about his freedom… Is he going to miss me after his party phase ? Thank you

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 16, 2020 at 5:29 pm

Hey Scarlet, your ex won’t forget you during a 30 days No Contact.. that’s not mentally possible. You do have that chance for changing his perspective of who you are as a person in those 30 days and making him question his decision. As you have already met and had an emotional conversation I would suggest that you do a 45 No Contact, so that it gives your ex more time to get over the break up and the pressures he was feeling in the relationship

Sophia

March 3, 2020 at 2:07 pm

My ex and I dated for 4 years long distance, we grew up together and we were best friends before we started dating. We went to college in 2 different states and he’s older so when he graduated he ended up taking a job in another state again while I’m still stuck in college in the same place. It ended up being harder to make it work so I broke up with him about 5 months ago. He was devastated and cried which I’ve never really seen him cry like that. Now I regret it because I miss him terribly. He sent me a text on valentine’s with a picture of me saying he missed me and I ended up seeing him 2 weekends later. The weekend went great it felt normal and we joked around, had fun nothing to be alarmed about. I want to get back together but he said that he doesn’t feel the same as he did as in he still loves me but the “fire” isn’t as strong as it was and he’s not obsessed with me like he was before. I’m not really sure what this all means since he acts like he misses me but doesn’t want to get back together. He kept assuring me this isn’t the “end” for us so I don’t know if he’s just not over being hurt by the break up or what. I just really want to know what he means when he says he doesn’t feel the same but still loves and misses me.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 7, 2020 at 9:48 am

Hi Sophia, so when someone still loves you but isn’t in love with you means that the excitement has died down and that they are no longer excited by the relationship. This happens when we get into routine, when things become stagnant or predictable. So you can work the Ungettable girl information and see what I mean by being secure but also unpredictable and exciting. Complete a No Contact of 30 days and work on yourself in that time then reach out with a text that Chris suggests to get your ex talking and work your way up the value chain again

Linda

March 1, 2020 at 10:55 am

My ex said it’s not me but him?? I think he still has baggage from his previous toxic marriage.he said his ex nearly drove him to suicide and now that I’m exhibiting some character traits similar to his ex,that i don’t know when to stop.So i told him that I’m not his ex and he shouldn’t compare me to her.he said he loves me and I’m a great woman but the breakup is not cuz of me that it’s him,he said he can’t go down that lane again,that he is a weak man and he struggled to survive his last toxic marriage,he was like he can’t be with anyone that has same character traits like his ex..I pleaded for a few days and decided to give him the breakup.Do I stand a chance of getting him back?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 7, 2020 at 9:21 am

Hey Linda when someone is coming out of a marriage they struggle to deal with emotions but when the relationship was toxic too it is even harder to be secure when moving on. I would allow your ex to have space and go through the motions that he needs to go through. You need to allow this space to happen and you can work on yourself during the NC so that you get over the break up. Then reach out in 30 days with a text like Chris suggests

Sarah Pratley

March 1, 2020 at 8:00 am

My boyfriend of 6 years has just moved out. He has been living with me for 7 months. My mum is poorly and I haven’t been the easiest to live with. We had a fit and he has moved out and says I’m jealous and put him down and a horrible person..I am not a horrible person..and he says if I love him I should let him go.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 6, 2020 at 11:15 pm

Hey Sarah, start you no contact and reach out after 30 days with a text like Chris suggests that is of his interests. This will give him time to clam down from your arguments.

Kimberly

February 22, 2020 at 7:43 pm

My boyfriend of 1 year split up with me about 3 weeks ago. Completely out of the blue, night before an argument he was talking about planning our first holiday together then the next day he lost it as I took my dog out for a quick walk when he was on his way to mine with his son to do it (I had an operation 5 days earlier) he said you live your life and I’ll live mine as that’s what you do anyway you don’t need me, he came over 3 days later and said it was over, he was tearful never seen him cry, he said it’s him not me, he doesn’t love me that way and he’s accepted he will probably be on his own forever. He wants to still be friends and continued to come round to help with the dogs, he was the same cuddling and slept together twice. I tried no contact and lasted 1 day. I’ve been increasingly needy asking him to come round and see me and he has ignored my message for the first time yesterday. He’s recently had his single cousin move into his and helps his friends all the time. I’ve been a mess crying most times I e seen him. I don’t know what to do I’m anxious and can’t think of life without him, we don’t really argue, get on brilliantly and same interests. Please can you help?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 2, 2020 at 10:10 pm

Hi Kimberly you really really need to start and complete a No Contact! You need to realise that you are giving your ex confirmation that he can have you back if he wants you, so you need to find your strength to stick to No Contact the whole time, reading the materials about becoming Ungettable on this page

Mary

February 17, 2020 at 10:29 pm

My ex and I were talking for a few months. I Despite him saying he wanted to be with me and such, he wasn’t moving the relationship forward. (We were basically just sexting buddies).
I told him to take some space and that he needed to figure out what he wanted. That I hoped I was still there when he decided.
To that, he agreed. He blocked me and said I hope you have a great life.
My gut says he was just upset, but it’s been 2 week and I’ve heard nothing from him. I’m trying to move forward and do what’s best for me, but it’s hard.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 20, 2020 at 11:05 pm

Hi Mary, so to move forward you need to read the Ungettable work and start casually dating

Jammey

February 11, 2020 at 11:28 pm

What does it mean when he says he will unfollow me on social media Until we are ready to be friends with each other again? We split on mutual understanding, I didn’t beg for him to stay Nor make a big fuss I simply respected his decision to leave. But now that he has unfollowed me do I still stand a chance of getting back together? How can he see the change in me in being the UG girl 🙁 I’m confused and no cheating was involved we broke up bc I felt like he wasn’t ready to commit.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 11, 2020 at 11:55 pm

Hey Jammey, so he will notice as when you stick to No contact and not reach out to him in the next month he is going to start looking at your social media and see how amazing you are doing with your life. Also dating casually is going to be good for you too, as he is going to realise that someone else is going to snap you up if he does not commit to you soon

Kay

February 10, 2020 at 7:24 am

I broke up with my ex because he apparently felt a spark with another girl when she kissed him. That girl had a crush on him and he got to know that. So he took her out for coffee and told her it’s not gonna happen since he already has a gf. While going out, she gave a peck on his cheek and he felt a spark with her. He told me this after almost a week . I was upset and broke up with him. Its been a month. Initially when I tried to talk to him, he was like I don’t feel for you as much as you feel for me. And that he is not sure about me..so it would be unfair to me if he keeps me waiting. And we dint speak to each other for a month. After that he texted me suddenly asking how I was, whether I have been talking to people. He said not to stop talking with friends or else you will bottle up your feelings. Suddenly he said he messaged because he felt like crying and that this has been in his mind for a long time. Later after a few days when I texted him, he just blew me off telling he is really tired from all the work and would want to sleep. We have a mutual friend. She told him that I was acting weird before he texted me. And he said to her that he was sad too but he is keeping himself busy with work and friends. He has his exams coming up. Am not sure whether he really misses me or not..I think he moved on..but then why would he say that he wants to cry and was just checking up on me?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 17, 2020 at 8:24 pm

Hi Kay so from the sounds of things your mutual friend has told him you are not doing great after the break up. Ideally you want the opposite information to get back to him you need him to think you are doing great with out him. You need to make him question why you are so happy after he left you. I do suggest that if you are having a harder time moving on that you start working through the information that is on this website about Ungettable

Radhika

February 5, 2020 at 2:25 am

Me and my ex boyfriend broke up yesterday and it was worst breakup ever..the reason was we both were insecure about each other and misunderstanding never left us.love was there on other sides but yet lack of trust spoiled it.we dated for 6months and since last 2 months we were fighting alot with multiple breakups and patchups but after he somehow got changed nd I was getting negative guts so I decided to check on him through fake Instagram account but he found out that it was me he got super angry and then he asked for reason but I didnt want to tell but he insisted I got frustrated nd said I did timepass but I did not mean timepass in relation but he took it in this way he broke up with me..he became completely different man h abused me talked bad about me and my family even he scared me with warnings..he said he dont love me anymore he just hate me so much.and we were never getting back.what should I do now?is it over?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 12, 2020 at 9:09 pm

Hey Radhika, so if you want to get your ex back, and show him the amazing person he has lost then you need to start with No Contact and working on yourself to become Ungettable during that time. While reading articles and the information that you are able to link to your situation on this website that is going to give you, your best chance of getting your ex back

Lynn Bocca

February 3, 2020 at 2:01 am

Hey Chris,
We were together for 6 years, lived together for 3. Over winter break he met someone (they may have met online prior to her coming home for break). He spent 5 days over the course of the month with her. I found out and contacted her. He was pissed and we broke up Jan 4. I looked up what St. Georges University schedule was and seen she returned to school mid January. Jan 18, he came to my house. He still has me blocked on FB but has come over every single day, except 3, since then. He is affectionate, we go out-like to movies, dinner etc. HOWEVER he has said to me we will not be back together (I wonder if they are in a LDR- he says that relationship was ruined but who knows). Can you tell me what hes really saying? Aside from living here things seem like they used to be before this craziness. On occassion he will not hug or kiss me when he leaves saying he doesnt want to be that close to me anymore despite being that close the previous day. He has also gone as far as to when guys ask me to dance while out, give me a hug etc. He will move their arms, stand between us etc.
Can you decipher whats going on?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 12, 2020 at 8:40 pm

Lynn, the way your ex is behaving is not wanting you to move on, but is not wanting a relationship either. So you need to take some time where you are NC your ex, or even LNC so that he feels you are moving on with your life. And I would not allow him to remove other guys from you, you are not his girlfriend, you are not his property. I would even start dating to show him you are not going to wait around for him. This should scare him to either make you his girlfriend or accept he can not continue to be this way

Jessie

January 24, 2020 at 2:32 am

Got into a fight with my ex who I also work with…

He didnt block me but he said dont ever speak to me again..unless it’s work wise. ..

Yet he continues to stare at me and laugh and flirt with other women infront of my face.

Why does he do that??

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 24, 2020 at 11:15 am

Hi Jessie he does it for a reaction, so the best thing you can do. Appear like you are not bothered at all. Just get on with your job and control your emotions and reactions. Dont even give him the time of day while in work he will start to wonder why you’re doing so well and what is going to get curious about you, so make sure you are doing work to be Ungettable

Winter Dill

January 21, 2020 at 11:32 am

I’m needing some help so me and my ex boyfriend split 5 to 6 days ago , well I was crying and begging him to come back to me and telling him I loved him and he told me hes going through alot with his mom getting worse like shes basically dieing , he said he has alot of stress on his plate well me and him are split well Saturday I messaged him and he told me we are done and goodbye and was giving me the cold shoulder like wouldnt give me a reason and just kept saying bc and bc this is goodbye and I’m done talking too you , and told me to have a great life without him and then blocked me on facebook and me and him were together for 4 years , i looked at his profile and he still has pictures of me and him on there do I need to give him space and some time like he told me to do he said he needed time to think but friday he told me that he does still care for me and does love me and we split up Wednesday I know I have been annoying him and I have went now 2 days with no contact no calling nothing and he told me before he blocked me I could come get my stuff another time like never gave me a day nothing and we had lived together for 1yr 1/2 , is it because I’m annoying him that he said those cruel things too me and just is trying to tell me too back off

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 24, 2020 at 12:48 pm

Hey Winter Dill, so if that is the case that he is needing space, wanting you to back off. Do this, No Contact for 45 days and work on yourself in that time. You need to allow the space for him to have that time to reflect how he feels the more time you spend you spend gnatting him the more you damage your chances of getting him back

Shanaya

January 12, 2020 at 7:31 am

I was in a long distance relationship since 4 months. We have met only once 3and a half years back at a counseling place in my city(we already lived in other cities) . We talked there and exchanged our numbers, after that he gave me a call once we talked for an hour and then nothing happened. After one year I saw his same no on a chatting app and I sent him hi, after that he responded ( he was leaving his home town for future studies) . After that we chatted randomly but never called each other but we talked for long but sometimes as he was busy. Last year I saw his missed call, I asked if he called me. He said yes and then said he would call on evening ,and he actually called and we talked for two hours. Then we chatted frequently and he used to tease me sometimes as friends. After that two months later if there was something more than friendship between us and he replied that I was more than a crush for him but exactly he also don’t knew. After that we talked but less he was busy and most of time I initiated chats. We had fights also on between but still we continue to chat. Four months back he confessed his feelings for me and then we started to call each other, ( in between once he said that let’s end this if we don’t understand each other) but again we got in touch after days and he said that he realized that what he said was not right. But he always complained of being busy and it was me only who initiated talking to him every day, he didn’t took so much initiative to talk from his side. But still I loved him so I focused on his good points as he was giving his exams also that time. We finally met this month and after meeting me he said that he want to say something which would hurt me that after meeting me he rwalisedthat he does not have that feelings for me, he has feelings just as he have for his other friends, he was trying it for me but after meeting it got more strong and he is telling me that because he knows my unconditional love for him, and he is only ending the relationship that bond that friendship is still there from his side and he know that how hurt I am but he wanted to tell me this.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 17, 2020 at 8:20 pm

Hi Shanya so he knows that he could have you if he wanted you this is not a situation you want to happen. Follow the program and do the work that is recommended you do if you want to get your ex back you need to start casually dating too so that he sees that you are moving on as you do not want him to treat you as a back up plan

Samantha Copen

January 11, 2020 at 2:05 pm

I got this message 2 days of NC,” Soo this might be in appropriate however I fell you should know….. I have only had sex with one woman since we split up however it was due to being extremely inebriated as I am now. You can say I used you till you are blue in the face however I am not sorry for breaking up with you I only want the best for you as I always have. Just not with me any more. I have loved you and always will love you but I am truly over you and I am terribly sorry if you have difficulty accepting that.” Why would he send this 2 weeks after the break up when we aren’t even talking? We were together for 1.5 years and lived together for 1 year. We had a good relationship with the occasional fight between us. I have heard this about 4 times since the break up. Is he regretting the break up? Or just confused about his feelings so if he keeps telling me he’ll actually believe it? Is there a chance of us getting back together? We broke up because we got into a fight.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 14, 2020 at 8:46 pm

Hey Samantha, so I think he is sounding more about him wanting to hurt you or upset you because he is struggling with his feelings. The fact you are not answering these messages is brilliant as he is left to read what hes said to you with a no response tells him you don’t actually care what he has to say to you because you’re past it. So stick to your NC and if you were near the end soon I would extent a little just because he still seems so angry, and just letting you know he is NOT over you if he is feeling the need to send those messages when you are not in contact

Shanaya

January 10, 2020 at 4:58 pm

I was in a long distance relationship since 5 months. I met him 3 years back just at a counseling point. We talked and exchanged numbers. We talked only once on call after that and he called me. After one year I approached him through what’s app and we started talking, he was going for admission in other city( we already lived in different cities by the way). After that we chatted randomly sometimes for an hour also. Once after 2 years I saw his missed call on my mobile. I asked him if he called, he said yes and said yes he called and would call in evening. He actually called and we talked for two hours literally. After that also we kept on chatting and he used to tease me a lot in a friendly way but always on chatting. After that I started feeling for him and after two months I already him if we have something more than friendship between us. He said I am more than a crush for him but exactly he don’t know. We chatted occasionally after that he said I was busy, once I fighted with him on this but still we had a friendly decision but we never called. He said he was not committing because he thinks he was not right for me but at last he confessed to me five months back that he loves me and he is finally confessing it to me. He introduced me to his friend on chatting app. I called him, but most of time it was ke who initiated chats or call, he was also busy with his exams during that time. In between we had a fight and he said that let’s end this if we don’t have understanding between us( major issue was he was not able to give me time as he was busy and might what he was giving was less for me u still don’t know). We had time issues but still we managed. This year we met and after meeting me he said that after meeting me he realised that he does not have that feelings for me except as that of he had for his other friends. He said his love for me far before which according to him was just infatuation. He was trying for me, for my happiness, nice nature and thought that he might come closer to me with time, but after meeting me he realized its not working for him and he told this to me because he thought that my love for him was unconditional and according to him he didnt wanted to keep me in dark. He said I am just ending the relationship not that bond not that friendship and he knows that I am very hurt because of him and what I am going through
RR

January 4, 2020 at 3:13 pm

Hey Chris
Me and my boyfriend were in a relationship for the past 2 and half years . we were very happy together but the moment i entered college(after a year of relationship) (i was 19 then and now i am 21)many issues were raised by him …he was very insecure and he never listened to me …he always fighted with me …that time i was immature … i didn’t know how to handle the situation because it was my first relation ever …all i did i always tried to convince him that i am with him always ….i even can’t imagine anyone at his place in my life and i think he knew this fact very well …thats why whenever he fights ..he always blocks me from every where including my phon number ….and what i did i use to call him from different numbers of my friends …i have even tried all the numbers of all the hostelers ….and he used to block them too …however i always managed to make him normal …i know he loved me because he used to cry when ever he saw my pics with any of my male friends…but he is so insecure that he doesn’t even trust me and always blames me …the situation became so worse that i had to lie sometimes when i was out even with my female friends …but i never intended to hurt him ….i lied because i never wanted to lose him because i really love him and i am truly committed to him ….a few months ago i took part in a dance performance which i knew he would never accept …bt i was forced to perform by a teacher …i was unable to refuse to i decided to hide everything from him …but he saw the video on YouTube …he felt so hurt … it took a week to get him back after 100 calls and texts per day …i went to his college and he became normal ….but there i came to know that he became friends with a girl …who studies in his class …he even clicked so many pictures with her to make me realize what he feels when he saw me with anyone else ….and seriously it hurts it hurts tooo much ….since October (when i went to his college)he completely lost trust over me….he daily fighted with me . even i am so irritating i keep on texting him ..calling him from different numbers even after he blocks me ….but seriously i love him tooo much… i miss him with each beat of my heart..on Nov 27 i called him again and again …he got so annoyed that he called my mother and told her everything about the relation and said that he doesn’t want me anymore …he hates me now ….he don’t want to see me ….and even gets irritated whenever he listens my voice . I was in college and my exams were going on …my mother was worried and she told him to please talk to me till my exams …the next day i called him ..i asked him to meet me for the last time ….he didn’t give me a clear reply …sometimes he agreed and then the next moment he refused ….at the end of the call he refused to meet and texted me that he is unable to face me and he apologised for what he has done (calling my mother) but at the same time he also texted “goodbye forever and be careful with people …they would take advantage of me”…after next day i again called him again and again …he again called my mother and blocked my number …i begged him to unblock me… he said that he will unblock me right after 4 days ….one out of those 4 days …i went out with my female best friend (whom he doesn’t like)….and i enjoyed with her, went for shopping …the 5th day when he unblocked me …i called him ….he told me that he needs time …he has not gone anywhere and he will never go with someone else …all he want is a break from me ….i just don’t understand what type of behaviour is this !!and then i told him abt the meeting with my bestie …he got angry and blocked me again ….i again called from different numbers and begged him to unblock me …he unblocked me and said that he will block me again If i tried to text or call him …..then again after 6 days i called him from another number (i was at my home by that time).he picked up the call and told me that this kind of behaviour of me will never bring him back …he needs a break …i kept on asking how long ???he never replied clearly and everytime i asked this …he cut the call.after 4 days i texted him to send his picture …he called me (video call)

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 7, 2020 at 10:08 pm

Hey RR, so the most important thing you need to do is give your ex space. REAL space of 30 days minimum, no contact at all. No texting, calling or social media stalking. Radio silence, and work on yourself at that point.

V

January 1, 2020 at 11:20 am

Hi Chris,

Me and my ex dated for a little for a year and I broke up with him a few days ago because I felt that he didn’t treat me the same anymore, and the fact that our long distance relationship was making everything really difficult. I also asked him why he never told me he loved me during this whole relationship. He told me that he loved being with me but he didn’t feel love… This literally shattered my world… Did he really mean that?
Why did he call me everyday and why did he fly over to visit me so many times if he didn’t love me?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 3, 2020 at 5:34 am

Hi V I can not answer those questions to be honest, all I can do is advise you on how to get him back. Him investing time to come and see you and spend time calling you he clearly liked you, but there is a difference between liking someone and loving someone, some people need more time

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