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Yulya
May 26, 2017 at 7:32 pm
I was with my ex in a relationship for 2,5 years. We lived together, but once he had a virtual sex with his friend and after that our relationships went wrong. They were intense, he was trying hard to make it better, but i was offended and sometimes could start arguing with him about that situation (it lasted for 2 years) or started talking about living apart. So now we broke up and live apart. He is not sure if he loves me, if he wants this relationships, sometimes he says that he wants to find sex buddies so he never get hurt again. We decided not to talk while we get something sorted out in our heads, 4 days after no talking he started missing me and texted me 7 days after. We met, talked, he said he missed me and wants to kiss me, but still not sure if he loves me. We had sex, but after I told him to take another break. So today is the first day of no talking. What are the chances of getting back together and what should I do? We both messed up this relationships
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 27, 2017 at 5:16 pm
restart nc, dont sleep with him again if you’re not official, because you’re going to be friends with benefits if you keep doing that.. do at least 45 days.. be active in improving yourself and in posting and keep doing it even while slowly building rapport.. but, if while you’re building rapport, he brings up just having sex, move on..
Jessica
May 11, 2017 at 10:55 pm
Need advice .
Me and my ex got in a fight Friday . He was blowing up my phone & being insecure so I said something along the lines of how it’s not adding value to each others lives to fight like that. He took it very person “glad to know I’m appreciated. Find someone who adds value . I’m done.”. I begged him to realize I didn’t mean it . At this point damage was done . Next day texts saying he wants to be friends because I made it clear I’m discontent. He said he still wants to be in my life, I agreed and asked if we could hang out next week. He said he wanted to see me too . Later I blew up at him (long story) and he got mad . Left him for 2 days then apoligized. He thanks me for apology & says we can talk next week. I agree . 2 days later I be break and say I miss him and become desperate and weepy . I ask to see him & he says now he doesn’t know know cause of how fiesty I was last week with him . He said we can try to talk next week. We have broken up before and got back. What now? What’s are my chances?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 12, 2017 at 7:16 pm
Hi Jessica,
check this one:
You Desperately Begged For Him Back And Failed… I’m Here To Fix That
Joni
May 8, 2017 at 2:58 am
My and my ex were friends before we started dating , we went out for 2 and a half years and a year ago we broke up, we’ve been in contact and have been hanging out but he brings up that we’re not getting back together still, what do I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 11, 2017 at 3:12 pm
Hi Joni,
check this one:
EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend
Hannah
May 3, 2017 at 12:27 am
I need your advice. So I was friends with my ex for a few years before we started going out. We went out for around 3-4 months when he decided to break up with my because I am saving myself for marriage and he didn’t think he could handle it. Everything else in our relationship was going well and he had been aware of this fact before we started going out, so his decision to break up with me came as a shock. Well after about 2 days, he apologized and said that he wanted to get back together and that he had made a big mistake. I took him back hoping for the best, but 2 months later, he broke up with me citing the same reason but saying he really liked me and it broke his heart. I tried no contact for about three weeks and we have recently started talking as friends. We hang out with my group of friends and he still talks to me the same we talked when we were dating. The only problem is he stated that he never wanted to get back with me about a week after our breakup because he didn’t think it would work out and he would only hurt me. I honestly don’t know if he will come back again and if I should even take him back if he does at this point. Your advice will be greatly appreciated!
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 3, 2017 at 7:17 pm
try the no contact rule and do at least 30 days
Monica
April 26, 2017 at 12:37 pm
I have dated with my ex for an year. He is very possessive, controlling and jealous type. When he can’t control me, he cut himself sometime. Though I do love him, I feel so confused at times. Though I wanted to break up, he always threatened me that he will kill himself if I leave. He always said he can’t leave without me.Then, he cheated on me with his boss and told it was my fault because I wasn’t caring gf. She was so nice for him and she is the one for him. Then, Two week after he dumped me, he called me and said he still love me and cried. But he didn’t cut off his new gf either. When I told him to come back, then he said he couldn’t. Then, I told him to go away, he texted me everyday that he missed me so much. I am so confused with his action.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 29, 2017 at 10:18 pm
you should move on from him, he’s abusive..
Brooke
April 15, 2017 at 12:07 am
Hi
My boyfriend of 14 months broke up with me 4 days ago and I’m heartbroken. We began fighting a lot more towards the end of our relationship due to my anxiety and him not being able to handle it. In the 14 months we did fight but he treated me so well. He told me he loved me everyday and he wanted to marry me and that I’m “the one”, mind you he is only 15 and I’m 18. I pushed him away with my anxiety and overthinking and I’ve just lost the love of my life. You might think it’s hard to say because we’re so young but we had already been through so much and always stayed strong. He dumped me over text saying that “I was the best thing that ever happened to him but he physically and mentally couldn’t take the fights anymore”, but he did it while with his friends and his friends have never liked me. I know many people after the breakup have been telling him that they’re glad we’ve broken up etc.. He blocked me on Facebook and Snapchat and told me he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore and that he never wanted this. I know that we’re meant to be together and that I was the main culprit to most of our problems in the relationship. I want him back because I know he’s the one and that it can’t be the end for us. Do you think I still have a chance due to what’s already been done, and his age? I still love him and I’ve noticed he’s been following loads more girls on instagram lately and it hurts. What do you think my chances are?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 16, 2017 at 11:25 am
I think you have a good chance.. if you’re going to do the no contact rule, do at least 30 days.
Kayla
April 13, 2017 at 3:38 pm
i was friends with my ex for a few years before i fell in love with him, then we went on 2 dates and he said that he didn’t want to go on anymore dates with me. Six months later we became boyfriend and girlfriend. And we dated for over a year and about a month ago he broke up with me, He called me to explain his issues with the relationship and i didn’t know that at the time and i got so scared that i din’t know what to say. he said he was acting like a tv bf for me and i don’t want that i love him for him and i would do anything to make him happy. My friends told me recently that he thought i was obsessed with him but i know that i am really not. a week after the breakup i called him to apologize for all the mistakes i made like being all over him, texting too much, etc and he said “what do you want” and i said “i want you to forgive me and i hope we can still be friends” and he said that he forgives me and that we can. After that i started the no contact rule it’s been about three weeks since i did anything to contact him. One of my friends told me the day after that phone call when i apologized that he won’t get back together with me. What should i do to get back together with him?
what should i do to prove i’m not obsessed? what should I do with everything he gave me, i’ve hidden them in a box right after the breakup but i don’t know i should keep them hidden?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 13, 2017 at 8:14 pm
if you were not active in improving yourself and in posting in social media.. restart the count of 30 days. Aim to be this:
The Ungettable Girl
Victoria guidry
March 25, 2017 at 2:23 am
I want to give my input because I have a story that is about the king of douchebags. In 2015, Our relationship failed because of him & in the end he could have cared less about how I felt because “he was in Vegas for business”. That should have been the end right there but I am surrounded by good, quality people so even in this instance, I wanted to believe he was a good person……..2 months later we saw each other & it’s as if he was on the fence about things. He said he knew I was getting mad at him but also hurt me by saying “a relationship is the 1st and last thing on my mind”. Well what would make me want to see him anymore? I told him I couldn’t do this. He texted me weeks later saying/begging he wanted to see me so I let him. I saw him for another year and a half, the entire time fighting with him for commitment and falling in love with him. He was only taking advantage of me the entire time & now he won’t even answer a text or phone call because I told him “either we are together & you treat me right or we’re not” to which he says,” either we are friends with benefits or not” the entire time I was with him he always told me we couldn’t be together as well “because he lived so far” he lied, he lives in my town out of half the month.
I had slipped into being fwb without even realizing it. I have done and completed 30 day no contact but he doesn’t even give me the time of day. It makes me feel so very used & betrayed like all I was, was just a service to him. He even tried to get me to believe that we were never together & that all we were was friends with benefits. He hurt me so deeply and I have cried forever. I could have saved myself a lot of pain & there is a lot more to this story(trust me, he is a horrible person that does not have a good heart.) but my question is, and I have even asked him this many times myself, why would he do this to a person? (His response is “I’m sorry I don’t know what to say) he uses me for years, breaks my heart, absolutely destroys my heart with all of his hurtful words AND HE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY????!!!!!! At one point he even said to me, awful things like “All we ever were was fwb”
“I haven’t ever done anything to you at all”
Am I right that he doesn’t want to look like the bad guy because he tried to get me to believe that we weren’t together? At one point when I was talking to him about a relationship, he was asking “how could we get back together?” And then a month later changed it all and was set that we were never together. The hurtful words he has said are burned in my mind and my heart is deeply hurt. I have become depressed.
Victoria guidry
March 25, 2017 at 2:34 am
Another thing: he did tell me “I have my travels and am not ready to settle down” OK BUDDY (1st of all, my emotions run extremely high with him..2ndly, who said anything about planning a wedding right now? I just wanted commitment that is going to lead somewhere eventually & we can talk about that in the future.) so when I say it’s like all I was, was a service to him is because he didn’t care at all about me & had made it clear that if I wasn’t going to sleep with him (remind you: he still doesn’t want to be together) “plenty of other girls will”
All I was, was a bump in the road and if I said anything about how he made me feel he was a J E R K & would tell me to “please stop”. “Go get a boyfriend or hangout with me when I am in town.” (So basically like Mentioned before, be fwb or go find something real with someone else.-this is where I felt like a service to him.) I am completely shattered and have even considered therapy or something. I am in shock that it ended like this because I wanted to believe their was good in him but I was looking at a false vision that I had of him the entire time.no one wants to believe that the person their with is like this.
carla
March 20, 2017 at 5:21 pm
I miss my boyfriend so much but he broke up with me just yesterday. His reasoning was anger and being upset and needing to remove himself from a deteriorating situation since he knew he would be very angry at me and didn’t know he could get past something he saw in an old email of mine. he had asked before if i had any pictures of my ex or if there were any compromising pictures. I had said no i had deleted everything and anything having to do with my ex. turns out i lend him my phone n he went through it and in a sent folder on my icloud there were some compromising pictures of my ex and i. grant it it was from 4 years ago, i’ve been w my now ex a year and a half, and i swear i did not know they were there. i had everything deleted form teh emails i actually use… never did i think of that icloud email much less the sent folder. even took me a while to find it when he told me and i didnt’ even open just deleted them. i miss him and i love him and i was pretty sure he loved me too until he told me i wasnt the kind of girl he wanted. and in some words that i wasnt good enough. n when i threw that to him he said maybe for somebody else. that he was humiliated and that losing me was easy this time because of what he saw. he blocked me seemed so uncaring about the fact, but thats how he is when he’s mad. i want to reach out but he has blocked me on text and facebook. he’s still on snapchat and he saw after he broke up with me my story which was pictures of us he took at a wedding the same night we ended up breaking up. should i let him be or try to somehow fix it or what. i know he’s very angry, although he says he’s at peace with it and right away was posting pictures of himself smiling n even himself which is what i know he does each time we have broken up. what should i do????
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 24, 2017 at 8:48 pm
Hi Carla,
if he thinks you cheated approach it this way:
Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)
Patfg
March 17, 2017 at 4:41 pm
My ex broke up me because he broke something n blames me. He says we r never getting back together n that I’m controlling he has sat n sun off work so this is the only time my kid n I can spend time with him.
He told a friend that when he’s with me he wants to shoot himself…
He tells my kid that he don’t want mommy
MELODY
March 22, 2017 at 6:21 am
hello
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 21, 2017 at 4:24 pm
Hi Patfg,
He sounds abusive.. you shouldn’t go back to a person who talks to your kid like that..
Samantha
March 2, 2017 at 7:41 am
Soo I see this is a pretty active website with the current blog posts and quick responses following…so I’ll give this a go for someone’s outside interpretation, which would be highly appreciated. So the first time he broke up with me was about a year into our relationship. He wrote me a random enexpeted letter saying how he didn’t like me as a person, like I wasnt making him a better person…well that resolved after about 2 weeks of silence. During that time he texted me why I was wasn’t trying to communicate with him and I told her him because the relationship is in his hands sense he thinks I’m the flaw so I was waiting for him to confront me first. Nevertheless it worked and he begged and told me he had made a big mistake and never let him break up with me again due to his own personal stress..well about 3 times since then he has needed a day or two of “this stud thinking” , as in I feel happy atleast and things are gong well then he needs a moment. Ez this time (it’s be 5 days now) he randomly called me cling for asking him to go to the grocery store with me and then the following day break up with me. I never know what will set him off. Is it me with him that doesn’t work. Or is it a mental thing with him? Because clearly I’m not doing anything wrong and acting the same way like when he is infatuated with us…help
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 2, 2017 at 11:58 pm
Hi Samantha,
Give it a week and then ask, if he doesn’t want to make things clear, try the no contact rule.
Datruevine
March 1, 2017 at 6:02 pm
Hi
I was in a relationship for 8 months. He moved me out of my place into his when I lost my job. We planned on getting married. We started having problems about sex and then old contacts in my cell but we always made up and had loving fun together when he was in town, because he works a lot out of town. Two days before Valentines day he came home and started an argument before we made love and by the 14th of Feb. he kicked me out the house, by the 16th which was my birthday he had packed all my stuff and put it in the shed out back. I had to call the police because he wouldn’t let me back in the house. Now I’m back in the house but he has left with all his things and didn’t renew the lease. I feel like there’s another girl. I love him so very much, he made me fall in love with him because he had been hurt in the past like I was, he would cry to me as he asked if I really loved him. I repetitively assured him that I did. In tears I asked him why was he doing this and he said because he had asked me 5 times to delete the old contacts of ex that I no longer spoke to. He was so angry with me and we had a bad argument. I was heart broken and could not believe this was happening because of old contacts. He has told everyone bad things about me but told his brother he knew that it was wrong but he just wanted me gone. He has blocked me fully on every thing. I just don’t understand. I would love more then anything to be back with him but I would love it even more if he would just talk to me and tell me what happened.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 1, 2017 at 10:24 pm
Hi Datruevine,
Are you going to stay there or move out too? If you are going to stay check the link below for a possibility that he might come back and live there again. If not, do the no contact rule:
EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend
Kristen
February 28, 2017 at 7:16 pm
I completed the no contact rule once. He contacted me and everything was going pretty well… he just didn’t seem interested. He wouldn’t reply at times, short messages… I’m confused as to why he even wanted to talk again. It became very frustrating but I went with the flow and we started hitting the gym together. But I messed up… again. He still contacts my best friend and that bothers me. Or did. And it was even worse when I found out she went behind my back and went drinking with him and friends because I couldn’t make it. I went crazy. I felt so betrayed I ended a ten year relationship and told him that he costed me a ten year friendship. He didn’t understand and I explained but in a way I should not have saying I lost my best friend over somebody who never cared about me, and never will. He never responded and I got angry asking for all of the money he owed me to which he responded with “k”. I guess I just wanted to feel heard… so I told him I needed to talk to him but not about us getting back together. He seemed a little frustrated and told me to tell him “now”. I tried calling and he sent me to voicemail…that threw me over the edge. So I asked him why he couldn’t just stay away from me and my friends? I understood if he hated me or what not but why did he have to get in the way of my friendship? To which he responded saying there I go again with my bs drama and not to talk to him anymore, that he would give me money and that’s it. So I called and texted a couple more times and told him I deserved an explanation after everything he has caused to which he responded he wasn’t going to go through that with me again and that’s why he didn’t want to be just friends with me because then I would start with all of this again and told me to stop calling and texting him already. I did. But I just sent one last text apologizing and explanning how all that rage came from a place of hurt and that I didn’t expect him to understand and that if he didn’t want to be friends he didn’t have to. Nobody made him. I never asked him to be my friend in fact I was in the middle of healing when he came out of nowhere.
I guess my question now is if I ruined every chance I had with him? I know for a fact if he gave us the chance to sit down and talk about it we would probably be back together same day. We would fight quite a bit but made up within five minutes after talking it out… I just don’t know what to do. I’m going back into no contact… but I just want to know what is it that he wanted in the first place?! He knew better. He knew I wasn’t going to lose feelings in three weeks. What did he want from me? And did I ruin my chances?
Kristen
March 1, 2017 at 9:43 pm
It happened on Monday so it’s still really fresh.
We had not spoken for a month and a half before but had been in contact for a couple of weeks prior to the last day we spoke (Monday)
It’s all just confusing. He knows how deep my feelings are for him and even told my friends the day we went into no contact that he just needed space, and when he decided he was ready to come back, if I wasn’t willing to work things out he would understand. At that point he had mentioned he couldn’t be my friend at the time because we would just hurt each other. Which was one week into no contact. Three weeks later he’s back.
I left the ball in his court and he initiated everything. From texting to meeting in person. He just seemed to open up more and more each time we hung out. He kept wanting to see me again, but through text it was a different story. I get he’s a busy guy…and I shouldn’t expect him to prioritize me since we broke up but… I’m just confused. Normally he’s straight forward with what he wants, this time he had me guessing.
I’m not going to lie I do want him back… but now I feel hopeless because I just reminded him of why he left me in the first place. Even after all of the great things I did for him he sees me as “drama”.
I just don’t know what moves to make from here. I’m confident in the kind of girlfriend I was to him, it was just our arguments that got the best of us. Just the night before we broke up he was begging me not to leave, the next minute he’s saying we can’t be together. (There is nobody else involved, I’m one hundred percent on that) But if that were true why wouldn’t he be true to his word and stay away? He’s not the type to remain friends with ex girlfriends. That I’m sure of. Yet he came back… there were days where he confided in me like we used to, days where he was quiet, and days where he was the happiest to see me (usually in person)
I feel like I messed everything up. What do I do now? Is there any hope?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 2, 2017 at 4:50 pm
Just rest from initiating for at least two weeks.. go back to establishing you have your own life and then slowly build rapport after that.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 28, 2017 at 9:33 pm
Hi Kristen,
when did all of that happen? It’s actually common for exes to want to be friends because they miss talking to you which is what they’re used to.
Andrea Rivera
February 26, 2017 at 7:11 am
Hello, me and my ex were together for over a year. We moved In together almost immediately and our relationship was intense and we both knew we’d marry each other one day. We moved into his parents because I lost my job and that’s really when all the arguing began. He broke up with me back in November but we still lived together and acted like a couple when we weren’t arguing. We got into a big argument and I left back in December. He came back for me, told me he wanted to grow old with me, loved me, ect. I didn’t do no contact back then. So up until the middle of February, he said that were not getting back together and that he’ll be my friend. I left again and now I’ve just been texting him randomly, but when I text randomly I send a bunch at a time. I asked if he loved me and he didn’t answer me directly, just said he’ll always care about me as a friend. I blew up his phone again today. I want to know if there’s a chance, if I do the no contact. Is there?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 26, 2017 at 7:40 pm
Hi Andrea,
There’s no guarantee that it will, but it’s better than chasing.
Lucia
February 17, 2017 at 4:39 pm
I had a kind of fwb arrangement with a guy five months ago. We get along pretty well and were really close, but I have been rejected him twice before.. So quickly he decided to stop and to find a serious relationship, but we decided to stay friends. It hurted me to stop seeing him and it was the beggining of fights between the two of us.. Then he told me when he found new girls etc, and I was mad at him for “stuff” that people were saying about him around me.
Last week I discovered that my “friends” had lied to me since the beginning, by jealousy, and I believed them (that’s why I didn’t want a serious relationship with him when we met). Finally, we reconcilied with the guy. I wanted to try to bring us closer again, because now I have huge feelings for him, until another friend says false things about him. I had a big argument with my ex-fwb (for the second time in a week) and he told me to never talk to him again and that the friendship was over. I regret everything.. Have I lost him forever ?
Lucia
February 20, 2017 at 9:37 pm
Hi,
Thanks a lot for replying !
Well, I have another question : I still haven’t reply to his texts (it’s been a week now), where he said that our friendship was over, to not talk to him anymore and other meanful things. I would like to apologize but I wonder if I have to do it now, or do I have to wait until the end of no contact period ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 21, 2017 at 9:52 pm
after no contact period..
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 17, 2017 at 9:16 pm
Hi Lucia,
if he doesn’t want to talk, take this opportunity to do at least 30 days no contact rule and be active in improving yourself. After that, take it as a restart. Slowly rebuild rapport, and don’t be fwb again.
Ano
February 16, 2017 at 8:59 am
Hi,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years, we broke up about a month ago. I broke up with him because I was going through personal problems at home and at work that I tried dealing with them on my own and not involving him. And that pushed him away because I became distant and just wanted to be alone all the time and hardly with him. I also became less intimate with him. I literally tried getting back with him after two days of breaking up but he said he doesn’t want to get back with me coz he knows second chances never work for him. I have been seeing him coz we agreed to be friends but that kind of stopped after I went begging to him and he pushed me away. That was wrong for me to do I realized, so I decided to start the NC rule and it has been almost a week now. Do you think I still have a chance with him? Please suggest other things I can do to win him back.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 16, 2017 at 7:46 pm
Hi Ano,
If he’s just getting back at you, there can still be a chance.. Are you actively improving yourself?
Julie
February 14, 2017 at 4:23 am
I almost feel pathetic at wanting a guy back that doesn’t want me – but we did have a great relationship and I just want to make sure I don’t mess this up
So when he broke up over the phone unexpectedly he was very upset saying we are never going to be friends we will never see each other blah blah
Well at over 3 weeks post contact we talked for 2 hours (I called) and I want to know why he did somethings
Basically he made me feel guilty about some things that happened and that he has to do because immnot in his life – why
He also said he hopes I find someone that treats me how I want to be treated
And that
It’s best if we just move on
But we talked for two hours and he talked about all the good times (while placing the blame on me causing fights)
Julie
February 16, 2017 at 5:41 am
Ok so we talked on the phone 3 nights ago for two hours I called
And we ended it with me waiting to hear back if I’m coming next week – we’ll he called and I’m at work
Should I not have answered ? Like I am trying to play non chalant but I answered at work
I told him I was a little busy
He didn’t sound happy – but maybe he’s tired
He said well we prob wouldn’t talk long
So now I’m freaking out because he said he would talk to me in two nights cuz he knows I’m
Off work early then
What do I do
Julie
February 14, 2017 at 7:59 pm
Oh I definitely want to try!
I just don’t understand what he was doing
I mean it’s like he was Trying to make me feel sorry for him because he has to do things that he wouldn’t have had to do if we were together and some things happened that wouldn’t have if I was there
Like things like that
I mean we talked for two hours and he brought up happy moments and good times and it seemed like he was laying in the guilt trip but i mean why did he do all that and say we should move on ? Like what was he hoping I’d do
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 14, 2017 at 7:23 pm
Hi Julie,
so, what’s your decision? Do you want to try or just move on?
Amy B
February 11, 2017 at 5:44 pm
I’ll try and make this as short as possible. Me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 8 years. With a few hiccups inbetween. We have both hurt each other in the past and after splitting up for a year we decided to give it another shot. Everything seemed to be going well, he is a little emotionally unstable at the moment and I have been there supporting him and encouraging him to better himself. The past week a girl he had been seeing when we were broke up tried contacting him although he ignored her and got really angry when she kept calling. Then the other day he told me he needed to talk. I knew what was coming. FIrstly he said he thought we were moving things too fast.. bearing in mind we hadn’t moved back in together and last week he asked me my ring size.. Then he said he needed some space and to get his head sorted. Then a few hours later he said he loves me but doesn’t think he could love me the way he used too. I am so confused and hurt by all of this. He has since blocked my number, although said he would call today. He hasn’t. I’m not 100% if the other girl is on the scene. But I just want to know if there is anything I could do to higher my chances of getting back with him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 13, 2017 at 2:42 pm
Hi Amy,
since he already blocked you, why not try the no contact rule and focus in improving yourself?
Sherisse
February 10, 2017 at 2:55 pm
Hello Amor,
My ex and I were together almost three years broke up December 7th and we have been in NC since then. Although our break up talk was calm he said he missed me but we will never be together and that he wants to be single for a few years. However he stalks my social media, drives past my house, walks around my work station trying to get me to notice him, and sent our mutual friend to see how I am doing after the breakup. Given my fear of rejection I am too timid to initiate contact so I have been using social media to try to inform him that I miss him. He still hasn’t reached out to me but keeps doing what I mentioned above. How does one sort this out?
Sherisse
February 10, 2017 at 2:57 pm
Sorry the website didn’t show my comment so I reposted it. Please delete one if you can. Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 10, 2017 at 5:58 pm
hmm actuallt you should use the no contact rule and social media to make hin regret through your improvementa and not chase..if it’s just subtle clues that you miss something that’s ok but if it’s so obvious, then you have to restart count.. And if you really don’t want to initiate contact, the best you can do is to set a limit on until when you would wait
Sat
February 9, 2017 at 8:04 pm
Hi there,
My boyfriend of 17 months and I split up last weekend. We had a kinda on and off relationship. I say kinda purely because whenever one of us considered breaking up, we would never go through with it because of how much we loved and cared for each other. Now you’re probably wondering why we would be breaking up? From day one there were external stressors – relocation, long distance, losing my job, living in a restricted environment, university pressures, family issues. There were a lot of external factors, and we both agreed it was a case of the right people but the wrong timing. Had the circumstances been kinder we would’ve made it work. We both loved each other so much and just the other week we were discussing marriage and our wedding. The break up was quite sudden. The argument got out of hand and it was just too much to cope with. He initiated it as he felt it was for the best. Being off and on (even though we never actually went through with breaking up… maybe just for a few mins) brought uncertainty and instability and he felt enough was enough. During our time together, the external issues made me very insecure, and i developed anxiety and mild depression. He had just left a relationship as he had met me so was not entirely prepared for something so meaningful and loving. We got into a pattern where we would be so focussed on the other person’s happiness that we began to neglect ourselves. The break up was highly emotional but amicable. Our friends said it was probably the cleanest and most amicable break up they’d heard of, a real testament to our love. But his friends and family are also repeatedly telling him that this is for the best. We both thought each other was the one. But his philosophy is, if he met the one once in his lifetime, he surely can again. He said he would not rule out getting back together in the future, but he can’t make me any promises as it is unfair to give hope like that. Even if he asked me back today, I would say no, as I realise I need to make a lot of changes and learn to love myself and settle into my life. As does he (the next few months are going to be tough for us both in terms of work commitments). He even messaged me today saying that if I need anything, I just have to let him know. We are not going to be strangers, but I feel I shouldn’t contact him for the time being so that we can start to heal and grow and become our best selves. It wasn’t like he didn’t love me anymore or stopped caring. We will always be there for each other but we’ve minimised contact to essential only for the time being. However, I do want him back. What are my chances of this in the future? I would really appreciate your thoughts.
Sat
February 10, 2017 at 8:29 pm
Thanks for your advice. How long do you think it will take? And how do I suggest a meeting after going NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 10, 2017 at 11:36 pm
at least 30, if you need to extend to 45, that’s ok.. And dont stop improving yourself even after nc.. slowly build rapport and attraction first through texts, and then calls and then procees to meet ups
Sat
February 10, 2017 at 3:35 am
Overwhelmed by what? What else do you think could be the case? And what is indicating to you that I may have a good chance? How long should I implement no contact for?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 10, 2017 at 5:15 pm
overwhelmed by everything that happened in he relationships, the stressors, that he has related you to the problems..And you said it yourself it was too much to cope with.. So, if he sees you’re moving on, really changing, improving, then that can make him see you in a different light.. that’s why it’s good that you said you need to heal first..that’s the right step
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 9, 2017 at 9:31 pm
Hi Sat,
yeah, the no contact period would help you start to heal and start a new routine.. Take it slow.. If it’s just because of being overwhelmed, then I think you have a good chance.