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Mary
December 14, 2016 at 10:09 pm
My ex and I broke up five days ago. (Friday) I last contacted him Monday and it is now Wednesday. He texted me five times and called three times on Tuesday asking to talk. I still haven’t responded and don’t plan to but before i stopped contact I asked for my things back. He is now asking what time to meet up to return them. We had agreed Wednesday would work but I don’t necessarily need those things back. But I’m not sure how to approach this because a part of me still wants him back but I don’t want to blow my chance. I don’t want to give in and text him because I know he is expecting me to do that. But I don’t want to come off childish and immature I already blocked him from every social media site mostly because it helps me in the process of healing. We were together for about 8 months I know him well but not enough to know if he will completely walk away from me. I’m really confused as to what my next move should be.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 15, 2016 at 10:33 am
Hi Mary,
why did you break up?
Bell
December 11, 2016 at 6:17 am
Hey, so my ex broke up with me about a week ago and I instantly started NC and haven’t heard a thing from him until today. He literally did the ‘hey how are you doing’ text. If he keeps texting do I respond? Just to say I’m not going to contact him? We were going out for 3 years and it’s happened before around this time that he gets fidgety and I get clingy in response (counterproductive I know). But he said he still loves me when we broke up so I feel bad not telling him I need ‘space/time’ (but is that against the rules??) pls help. Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 13, 2016 at 4:49 pm
HI Bell,
He broke up with you last week because he got fidgety? It would be better if you really stick to nc, since you already broke up. You’re not together anymore, so there’s no reason to keep talking. Check this one:
EBR 046: Can You Ever Break The No Contact Rule?
Ozi
December 5, 2016 at 10:02 am
My wife and i have been together for 5 years we got married 3 years ago we both came from previous divorce in the past she has 2 kids from her previous marriage 5 years boy and 7 year girl i love them dearly as if they are my own. We both love eachother. We both have strong personality we had or ups and down and I believe we did not deal with our past issues and we drag it into our marriage we argued alot and rebal aginst each other this has resulted resentment and the feeling of not been accepted.
At beginning of this year we had a lot going on we were trying for a baby she was scared I was not listening then to her fears ,wife left our home in March 2016 after big fight she swar me off in a restaurant and I pushed her she fall down and she went home packed and moved out.
2 weeks after that my sister had an accident and been admitted into a hospital near her new flat my wife stod by my side for 4 months and she also needed my help with car for dropping kids to school so i moved in wirh her in her new flat and we started counselling she was asking for space i was pushing her to reconsile we would have sex and do things together but then she will switch and get angry and we were going on a circul then she went on holiday to hear family to South Africa for a month this was supposed to be our separate time to heal and think of what we want but she was calling me every day so we did not talk about our problems and we started chatting like we used to in the past. then she came back and I stayed in with her for 3 weeks then our counselling advice for proper sepreation and then try again as she was confused angry hurt and has high anxiety.
I helped her buy a car and moved out immediately then 3 days later she found out that I syncysed her whatssapp to my laptop which is something wrong I did it when she wanted to leave home the first time I wasn’t sure why she wanted to leave our home the marriage and I had problems anger management controlling issues I used to shout when I get angry I used to argue with her and never used to listen to her i did not understand then that i needed hep started getting help from August after she left i also enrolled in a marriage course and realised were i went wrong in our marriage i also went for counselling for angar management and I have completed 3 months and now I’m even going on a group counselling for an other 3 months she confronted me I denied I was embarrassed I stopped immediately and 5 days later she asked for her divorce 2 months ago I agreed and admitted all my wrong doing and apologised. We did not divorce we started talking and having passionate sex and then we went back to same circle she keeps reminding me that we are divorcing this is confusing and I backdoff and we start talking about how we got here and then I asked her if she is 100 %”wants the divorce she said no but she is confused hurt angry and she doesn’t know if she can trust me and she wants to protect her kids then she asked me if i want to divorce her and i said no but if she is not happy i woudnt hold her in a marriage that she doesn’t want to be in.
she love my family and want me to tell them that we are separated I said to her I will and will let her know when I do. I asked her why you are so angry with me now she says because I feel that you are nice with me and i feel you want to fix us. I did not want to push her any more I said to her let’s have no contact for a month and see how we feel and she agreed and we made love and she cried when I was saying goodbye to her.
And then she started calling texting I just put my foot down as I don’t want us to be going on circle again. I did respond to her and explain to her that we both need the space after we talked about everything she said I’m mad with you and what makes me angry more is that I miss you. I didn’t respond and 4 days later I send her msg to let her know that I spoke to my parents and she can say her goodbye when she is ready I do not want to divorce her I love her so much I just don’t know what to do after the 30 days do I contact her and what is the best way to get out of the circle how do I start do I go straight to serious talk or do I start by talking and building connection again I just want us to get over this I want my family back. Please help with the best guide.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 5, 2016 at 4:10 pm
Hi Ozi,
there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but if it’s the only thing you haven’t tried and you’re just going in circles, wouldn’t it be the wiser choice? The bad thing about your no contact is that she knows how long it will be. So, it’s like she will just wait for a month, and then the cycle starts again. I think you should do 45 days and really stick to it.. Restart the count. If you want, you can tell her, you really need space to heal and you don’t know for how long it will take.
Nat
December 5, 2016 at 9:12 am
I’m in the middle of the no contact rule with my ex. My question: I sent him a Christmas gift prior to me breaking up with him that is scheduled to be delivered in around a week. Do I ignore him when he writes to thank me for the gift (and he will)? Also, can I tell him thank you when I receive my gift from him (he hinted at the same thing before we broke up)?
Thank you kindly for your help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 5, 2016 at 12:19 pm
HI Nat,
You can say, you’re welcome but that’s it.. If he ask’s something about your day or you, ignore it. If he sends something, say thank you.. If you want, for it to not be too awkward, include int that thank you message that you’re busy.. Like, “About to go to work, I just saw your gift in the mail. Thank you very much. Have a nice day!”
At least that includes your goodbye too.
Sandy
December 4, 2016 at 1:55 am
I broke the nc rule just after two wks. Actually I’m not sure if it was even a considered a proper bc rule as I was blocked and being ignored and my last try was two wks ago with no answer. My msg was good and positive with apology and all yet he still didn’t reply or call me since. So I waited two wks and tried again w a simple hello and he actually replied. I was so happy to see him typing back but it was super brief then he stopped replying. Hi how are you? and an I’m good and you kind of thing. Then when I proceeded to engage in a conversation but asking how’s everything going and how’s work he then shut down again 🙁 I’m hoping it was just bc it was at a late hour and he will reply tomorrow but I’m afraid if he doesn’t I’m gonna feel like crap again. Should I start the nc rule all over if that happens? I hate these games. Wish we can just talk normally and things can go back to normal 🙁 what do u suggest?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 4, 2016 at 4:44 pm
Hi Sandy,
if he doesn’t repl..restart the count and finish thr 30 days..
Nora
November 28, 2016 at 7:16 am
Hi,
I have a situation here. we decided to called off our relationship of 9 months last Thursday, however after 3 days of separation and no contact, he agreed to proceed with our planned travel in the 12 days. It was a difficult situation for both of us, he wants it quit cos he’s bored with the relationship. He’s afraid of the situation after I’m always at his place.
for this case, when is the appropriate timing for the NC? and the period of NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 28, 2016 at 10:40 pm
Hi Nora,
If you’re really going in the trip with him, then start the no contact rule after it.. Try at least 30 days
Jeanna
November 25, 2016 at 8:28 am
My boyfriend and I broke up earlier because of different priorities. He prioritize his career and he said he is not the type of person who can prioritize career and relationship at the same time. We ended up in good terms. No shouting, no bitter feelings. The breaking up decision in mutual.
Now I want to make him miss me and get me back. But he wants us to be friends. Now he is texting me casually telling stories about his work. I want to do the no contact but wouldn’t he get mad if I don’t text him back when I agreed to be friends with him? Wouldn’t it be rude?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 27, 2016 at 4:24 pm
Hi Jeanna,
Tell him it’s not workable for you to be friends now, but don’t tell him you’re doing nc, and then do nc.
Susan
November 21, 2016 at 9:24 pm
Hi me and my ex broke up 3 days ago after a three years long distance relationship. I love her dearly and would love to have a second chance with her. First she said she wasn’t happy and wanted to end the relationship, I cried and begged her not to very reluctantly she said she wasnt leaving me however she was caking cold towards me so I phoned her up and said I agree it her decision if she is not happy then we should let go and I also said I love her and is willing to work things out if ever she changes her mind. 4 days now I told her that and she hasn’t messaged or called me. Do you think I stand a chance in getting her back? Pleas help me
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 24, 2016 at 9:13 am
Hi Susan,
how often do you see each other personally? Was the distance the reason she broke up with you? Are you going to do the no contact rule?
Kelsey
November 18, 2016 at 9:59 pm
I think it’s working!
I go to grad school with my ex and we are research partners in a 3 hour long Tuesday class. 2.5 weeks into no contact and he’s asking me personal questions like “How was your weekend? How’s your family? How’d you do on the exam?” And I’m giving him one word answers like “Good. . . . They’re well. . . Good.”
And he’s struggling. And finally breaks down and says “Can I confess? I’m really struggling with how to talk to you right now. This is new for me. I’m trying my best.”
I just smiled my kindest smile and said “I understand.”
And I love this guy, right? But at the same time, it feels SO GOOD to be in control. And I think it’s a positive thing that he’s trying so hard, because maybe that means he’ll be receptive to me when I’m ready to end no contact. What do you think? Am I handling it well?
Kelsey
November 21, 2016 at 4:11 pm
I’m working hard to improve myself. I’ve been dieting and running and have lost about 10 lbs in three weeks. I’ve also started journaling everyday. All things considering, I feel like I’m rising above the pain of the breakup, though I do have to let myself be angry or hurt every now and then.
So here’s my question: I’m planning to end No Contact in a few weeks with a text message. (His birthday is on the 2nd, so I’m extending NC to the 6th.) What’s the best way for me to act around him in class once NC is over? Do I let up with the one-word answers and start responding? Do I initiate conversations with him again?
Kelsey
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 23, 2016 at 1:34 am
That’s very good! Maintain that..Start being more nice slowly.smile if you bump into each other, answer longer than before and then later on initiate conversations
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 21, 2016 at 3:13 pm
Hi Kelsey,
yes, you’re handling it very well!! Are you improving yourself too?
Deb Schlott
November 15, 2016 at 2:59 pm
Hi , I have and ex lover who messaged me everyday twice a day.We both are in unhappy marriages and are 59 years old. First he said he wanted he was leaving his wife.Next he wanted to just be friends with benefits, after that he said he kept falling in love with me over and over and we were lovers. He also called himself my boyfriend. I was hoping for a lasting relationship. In reality didtance, 2 hour drive,hisbusy work schedule, my clinging and that fact that he wants to experience other lovers of possible has limited out time together to just public meetings with a group. We met at ACIM meetings which he lead.To be honest I pursued him. It was only a couple of months, fast, hot and intense. Thinking he pulled away because I was a mess and almost divor 23rd my husband which I may still do. The question is why does he message me everyday? Usually twice a day? Many days it is just short like goodnight.Also , he is an ex alcoholic. He seems very Spiritually advanced. I still love him.P.S – He wants me to be his eiges friend because she has no close friends other than family. In my mind she is a bitch and treats him terribly. She is loud, bossy and many people cannot be around her
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 9:11 pm
Hi Deb,
he wants to experience other lovers while being with you? that means he’s just playing you. What is eiges?
Ann
November 12, 2016 at 11:46 pm
The relationship is long distance. He broke up with me before last year asking if we could just be friends and I agreed. We continued to talk everyday. We got back together during his deployment. I broke up with him during his deployment because he would rarely respond to my emails but he convinced me otherwise to keep talking to him. Once he got back, we weren’t together because of the distance but we would talk about the future together once his time in the service was over. A month ago, he asked me to promise him that we would end up being together and I was hestiant because I haven’t seen him since he got back. But I agreed because I love him. Well, a week ago he told me he started seeing someone else but it wasn’t official yet. He said we could keep talking and that I’ll always be best friends. When I said I was sad, I guess I hoped he would have at least wanted to see me again after having all these conversations about the future; he said I needed to be happy for him. I travel for work and get free airfare, he really had no excuse to not see me. Later that night, he was messaging me like we hadn’t had that conversation at all. I knew I had to do something different because a year ago he basically did that to me when he asked to just be friends. So, I blocked him on everything: all social media and his cellphone when he was sleeping. I just figured history would repeat itself if I continued talking to him. Did I already mess up NC by blocking him where he can’t reach me? I guess I’m having trouble when you’ve talked to someone everyday and then all communication just stops. I didn’t want to be strung along again if the “not official” relationship at home didn’t work out for him. Thanks!
Ann
November 13, 2016 at 12:41 am
I should add that the conversation didn’t end badly. He kept saying he wanted a tangible relationship and that he knew I had opportunities to find one to. But he had said this new girl doesn’t really give him a lot of attention because she’s always busy. I understand his need for someone “real” but it struck me that he only talks to me now because I give him the attention the other girl doesn’t. He said they’ve been talking for a while now. I should add we sext quite often, three times a week (I’m embarrassed to admit).
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 8:46 am
Hi
it’s ok to unblock him but dont send a friend request. Dont say that you’re not pretty. You shouldnt criticize yourself. That’s good that you have standards because you’re right. He cant have both. He treats you like he expects to be at his service. For me, I’ll.move on from him..
Su
November 10, 2016 at 2:53 pm
So my husband broke up with me. He said he is unhappy and needs some time away from me to think if we should divorce or not. We are having a 4 month separation before deciding anything. On the beggining of October we decided to split but at the time I had no ideia about EBR and we have been having a friendly relationship, mainly because of our 3 year old son.
He is still living in our home but he will be moving out in a week or so. I started NC 3 days ago when he told me he found an appartment (and he is currently travelling this week). I don’t know how to keep NC when he comes back home. If I only engage in the necessary subjects about our son will that count towards the 30 NC days? What if the NC period ends right after he moves out? Should I wait some more time before engaging in a first text?
Also, when one of us is with our son we send each other pictures of him. So he is expecting me to send him news and pictures of our son (at least once a day). Otherwise it will just feel like I am trying to keep his son from him, which I am not! If i just text him a picture of our son, would that break NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 14, 2016 at 5:13 pm
Hi Su,
it’s ok to keep talking about important matters, like your son. Aslong as it’s only about that, no relationship or feelings talk… And you have to be active in improving yourself. If he’s goung to move out in 1 or 2 weeks then it’s not going to coincide with the end of your nc because I think you should try either 30-45 days..
Amey
November 9, 2016 at 10:05 am
i need advise on what to do- me and my partner have been completely smitten everyday of our 10 month relationship, we got offered a house through the council as he has a little boy and he was so excited saying we had our own little family home. his parents were getting so involved and i let it get to me one day when we was planning to have a family day out his mum said she was coming i was like i cant do this anymore i need it to be about our family! he begged me not to end it then the next day we told his parents we would be moving in( this was 10 days ago) then that night he was really off with me just kind of cold so i said id go home and he said he needed space. The next day he came and said his head wont let him do it anymore and he cant be with me. then on the sat he knocked at my door at 4 am wanting ‘sex’- got it then disappeared- i pounded him with texts etc to try and get him back then a few days later i checked in a photo of me and that i was going for dinner with a guy called mat(a friend) the next day my ex unfriended me on facebook and changed me from his picture. i messaged him ouch- and he said well i didnt want to see you going out for dinner did i, we talked and agreed to go out for dinner that night and talk, he was sending me messages like ‘ i cant wait i may have been missing you a little’ etc etc, we went out for dinner had an amazing time and i saw the old him back- then he said i know what i want, i was like ok, he said i want to go back to dating and having fun with you, i settled for it as thought it was the only option but struggled to understand as we had been a family for 10 months. then he was taking ages to arrange a second date but i backed off and yesterday he told me that he only sees me as a friend ( we have had sex 3 times since the breakup), 30 minutes after a whole conversation about being friends we was dirty talking via text and agreed to be friends with benefits. I dont think he wants it to end i just dont think he is ready o commit and the prospect of moving in together probably scared him into that decision- so i think now i should do the no contact but im scared he will move on – help!!
Amey
November 9, 2016 at 10:07 am
i also started n contact rule yesterday and have had 56 missed calls and a message last night and 4 missed calls this morning (although he knew i had an important hospital appointment) i didnt want to annoy him so i responded with- all ok speak soon, do i now start NC again
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 12, 2016 at 3:01 pm
Hi Amey,
You don’t have to restart but you do have to keep in mind, to not agree to be friends with benefits again. Don’t lower your value just for somebody to stay. I understand that it’s hard but right now you’ve done the right thing by stopping to be his booty call. Make the most of no contact. Improve yourself, start a new routine and be more independent.
Mandi
November 8, 2016 at 5:49 pm
Hi. Me and my boyfriend split 6 months ago. My decision as he was calling me nasty names when drunk and I just couldn’t take them anymore. Aside that he was great although insecure as he hated men looking at me etc. We were together 18 months and after 14 months I started going out with my friends again. He didn’t like it. Said I put them first etc. He didn’t like the place I went. During the break when drunk he would say nasty things and sometimes nice. He asked me if there was ever a chance for us and I said there was always a chance. I just wanted the nastiness to stop. Last week he came to get the rest of his things. Guess I was putting it off. Anyway I kissed him and he responded and we went upstairs . Things happened but not fully. Then when he left I was heartbroken . He said the next day he broke his heart too when he got bk home. So I thought I’d try get him back but he’s saying I hurt him too much and he can’t . Obviously saying angry words about what happened etc and that I haven’t cared about him for the last 6 months but I have I just wanted him to be nice . He was nasty n nice during the split if you understand. I’ve begged him etc and he won’t have none of it. We’ve even spoke naughtily and he asked for photos and I sent (I know bad move) He has said let the dust settile and we can work on becoming friends. Or even FWB (again I know) I’m 48 and he is 51 . I love him so much . I’m I fighting a losing battle ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 12, 2016 at 12:29 am
Hi Mandi,
If you really want a chance for him to change, don’t feed his bad behavior and don’t settle in him being like that. Walk away when you know your values is compromised. Don’t allow something that you don’t want to happen to you.
In reality, we can’t force people to change. And it’s not realistic to wait for them to change, that’s why you need to know what your values and standards are because if you don’t walk away when somebody treats you the wrong way, you wouldn’t notice that you are the one changing, forgetting your own standards just to keep that person.
J
November 7, 2016 at 8:07 am
Kinda confused here right now,
I have a girlfriend and I’m in love with another woman right now.
Alright…Alright…I know whatcha tinkin’. Jerk is in the house.
Before this confusion happened
Me and my girlfriend, lets call her Lyn, have been together for 2 years and 5 months.
I’ve been faithful and loyal to her, even though we’re in this situation called LDR we didn’t dated or entertained anyone.
Yup, LDR due to work, a 2 hours ride. Even though, we didn’t care about that long distance anyway.
Lyn is 25 years old and I’m 29 years old. She’s young and can enjoy youth-fullness, can travel in many places and can achieve her plans in the future.
We have our differences which are normal; anyway we get along with this embracement of differences.
We also fight and argue which is also normal for a couple to undergo such misunderstandings.
It was about this year when we fought/argued sometimes, she oftenly inserted to our argument that line, “I hate you, and you’re useless, let’s break up”.
We were on/off in our 1st year of relationship maybe because were just adjusting.
Til this another conversation happened again and inserted that line again.
We fought for such useless and unmatter things.
After a fight, yeah as usual what couples do, we reconciled and back on track again.
Unmatter things like I forgot to call or text her because I had no load, I’m busy for a moment, I can’t visit her as of that time because my leave was not approved, I was out of budget, and gets mad when her request was not given to her (I’m not talking about material things).
I am a breadwinner in my family, I don’t have savings, I’m not broke, is just because I supported my younger brother for his education In college and for his expenses in taking a licensure exam.
What pisses me off sometimes is that when she inserted that line again kind of frustrating breaking up with me and reconciled that easily (Hahahaha until I become immuned with it). Yeah we talked about that matter and she said she will not do it again but she did.
Her family, especially her mother don’t like me because I’m a bit to old for her age, her mother said that I’m supporting my younger brother and maybe cannot give what her daughter wants, or what if she get pregnant what will I support, or we are distant and might get in love with someone else in the future or maybe she thought i would marry Lyn and have a family in a young age.
I know her mother is just being protective and I understand that trust cannot be given it should be earn.
What I don’t like are the insults, people judge as if they know our/my future.
I dunno but Lyn doesn’t see as her better half in the future, but she loves me for what I am and understands our/my situation.
Anyways, I met this girl, her name was Rose 25 years of age and I met her in work just this year.
We became friends until we became more than friends.
At first, I distant myself to Rose because I have a girlfriend and I don’t want to developed a feelings to her.
Rose is not a girl whom you can just pick up or hanged out with.
She just simple, intelligent and have empathy.
What I’m looking for a woman is with her.
I’ve been going over it in my head and it just keeps coming back to the same conclusion that I should be with Lyn.
Rose was with me in my ups and down and she was there to cheer me up.
Rose knows that I have a girlfriend, what kind of relationship we have, and how it will end up but still all she can do is to understand.
It hurts but I ended my relationship with Rose.
I am selfish and I know it’s unfair for both of them especially to Lyn but I love Rose not because she was there to care for me or when I need her but because I found happiness with her and found imagining things like waking up with her everyday.
I know I chose Lyn because I don’t want to hurt her and I know I will hurt her in the future and I owe her respect and honesty.
I broke up with up Rose and we don’t have any communication now its been 1 week.
Yeah, I do the no contact rule, it helps me because it reassesses and realigns my state of thinking.
Until now I’m still thinking if I want Rose back how can I assure that this matter will not also happen to her?
How to be the man she really wanted me to be?
I want to contact and talk to her but my mind refuses I don’t want to go back to her like as if nothing happens coz she might maybe thinking that this could be a rebound and maybe can hurt her further.
Lyn started to notice that I’m not as the same as before, I love Lyn but I also love and I’m happy with Rose.
If I wanted to be with Rose there should be no complications.
I have also my personal battle, my work is a mess, my life is a mess, I do not care for my self anymore, I also miss attending my self cause my whole damn life focused on the needs of my family and others.
I like to change my attitude, I need time to focus on reassessment of my life and to have goals, plans, and direction in life again.
I need time correct things especially in my relationship.
It’s gonna be a long days…
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 7, 2016 at 8:57 pm
Hi j,
That’s ok.. We appreciate honesty.. Put yourself first. Take care of yourself.. and then write down, yes, write it down. Write down your non-negotiables. Write down how you would your future to be like with your future wife when it’s just the the two of you, when you dont have kids yet or when the kids have all left the nest.. What kind of person would you like to be on your side?
Love does't die
November 7, 2016 at 3:39 am
Ex Boyfriend and I broke up about a week ago. I havent contacted him since then. I told my ex I had a present for his dad ( birthday is this week), and my ex said he would like that because he is going through a rough time (relative in the hospital). My question is, am I able to contact my ex’s family during NC or should I hold off on the present?
Love does't die
November 7, 2016 at 3:41 am
I told my ex about the gift the night we broke up, just an FYI.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 7, 2016 at 6:59 pm
Hi Love doesnt die,
you can give the gift before hand and then just do nc..
louie
November 7, 2016 at 3:25 am
Me and my ex boyfriend had dated for 1.5 years. The relationship was great and our connection beat anything I have ever experienced with anyone before. I love him alot but he says he does not see potential in us for the future and his parents have influenced him alot in this way as they are a very catholic family – no one in my family is catholic, so they told him that I am not right for him because I will not let him reach his potential in life and later on with a family. What he does not know is everything he wants for the future I do as well, I have similar aspirations and I have told him this and I think there is potential for us, but he does not think so, I even have begun my initiation to convert to catholicism – not just for him, but I was inspired by him and his familys way of life. We are both very young – me 18 and him 20. We broke up about 6 months ago, in this time i had tryed NC once, but i failed miserably and messaged him constantly during this time so i ruined it, even though we did not meet up for 3 weeks. When we did meet up there was alot of tension and the connection between us was undeniable so much so that he kissed me at the end of the date. For a couple weeks he would tell me how much he liked me still and that we are just too young at the moment to be in a relationship. But then after these two weeks passed things changed again and we became nothing more then friends and his reasons changed from age to me being just not right for him. He is still flirtacious when we hang out and finds reasons to touch me and always compliments the way i look every time i see him and tells me he is extremely attracted to me. I dont know what move I should make next, should i move on? Try NC again? Remain friends with him and hope he changes his mind?
Louie
November 14, 2016 at 5:18 am
So I should just cut off all contact with him and not agree to be his friend anymore? What if after a while when we are older he sees me in a different light? If i cut off all connections with him I feel like all hope for possible reconciliation when we grow older would be lost..
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 14, 2016 at 9:38 pm
well, moving on means not talking to him anymore. If you want to be friendzoned right now and hope things will change in the future, that’s your choice. But if both of you really matured, he’ll understand later on, that you moved on. He’s more probably even going to respect you for that.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 7, 2016 at 6:58 pm
Hi Louie,
Move on. You’re wasting time waiting for him.. He said it himself, you’re both still young. He doesnt have the courage to stand up with his choices yet..
Shiloh
November 1, 2016 at 11:35 pm
My boyfriend dumped me a week ago. We had dated for around 6 months but had been close and had hooked up before we made it official. He was my best friend, and we hung out almost everyday. We understood each other very well and he was really supportive. Unfortunately I discovered his obsession with asian girls early on to the relationship. He would mention things he liked about them and say that something was hot and show me a picture of some random model. I have always been insecure about my looks, but at first i got really mad and hurt when because it occurred to me thats what he wanted me to be. I’m not asian. And he also ran a tumblr account of just pictures of them. 2 months in i told him how much it hurt me and if he loved me why would he ave done that, blah blah. But I guess it really upset him. He’s really bad at communicating. But he stopped with all of that. I ended up internalizing this and tried to look how I thought he wanted me to, by changing my hair, losing my tan, and talking about plastic surgery. Apparently this had hurt him a lot, which he never told me. He would constantly tell me how beautiful I am up until a few weeks before he dumped me. But he never told me that it had an impact on him. I think he blamed himself for my insecurities, even though I had them but manifested them into that. Other than that I was super happy. I did have severe depression and anxiety and have been in hospital for overdosing before, once. So he worried a lot about me. I think he was unhappy and didn’t want to fix anything. He also said that he wanted to break up with me from early on, but he always seemed very happy when we were together. He put me on a pedestal but I didn’t see it. I also constantly told him how marvelous he was. I thought we were good. But he ended up dumping me in a very harsh fashion, just going off on how I was to blame. I missed A lot of school last week but it made me think a lot. I still love him and have a new love for myself and appreciation of both of us. He doesn’t believe me when I say I’ve changed but people are telling me I have and I strongly believe myself. He said he doesn’t know if we’ll get back together. Before I came here, I did beg him to consider going on just a break, not breaking up. I must have seemed so desperate. He wanted to remain friends, but has become very angry because of mood swings I hope, from his new medicine. He is not talking about it to anyone and being very quiet at home and at school. I still care for him. What should I do?
Kennedee
November 6, 2016 at 11:10 pm
i go to highschool with my ex. we broke up a few weeks again but i found out he has a thing with his ex and they are talking. what should i do i can’t stop obsessing over him and texting him. would the no contact rule work?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 7, 2016 at 6:31 pm
Hi Kennedee,
there’s no guarantee that it will work. Since you go to the same school the same rules below can apply to you. Check this link:
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend
Shiloh
November 1, 2016 at 11:39 pm
but that turned out to be a lie
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 3, 2016 at 1:00 pm
Hi Shiloh,
never lose yourself or turn your back on who you really are just for another person to accepy or like you.. he re ally wont believe you’ve changed because it’s too soon..even if you did, he probably thinks it’s to get him and not for yourself..do you want to try doing the no contact rule?
Shiloh
November 1, 2016 at 11:38 pm
I think he just said he ‘didn’t know” if we’d get back together to be nice, because he lies to protect feelings a lot. He originally said he was leaning towards more of a break than a break up.
david saint
October 26, 2016 at 9:28 pm
my ex and I broke up a month ago. my neediness in the later stages i think were the big factor, along with being with each other 24-7 (for 5 months). We have a deep bond that goes back 20 years, and we have been in and out of each others lives but always managed to circle back.
So i offered to be friends when she wanted to break up. I didnt do much begging, but i initiated contact a half dozen times via text and 1 phone call. Anyways, i changed my look up (hit the gym hard and put on size quick) and picked something up from her and got some light flirting and body language (she had me come literally right next to her at one point to look at something). Before i left, i told her while i still have feelings for her i am good with the situation.
After this exchange i decided I was going to do a NC for 2-4 weeks. I initiated contact via text about a couch cover, she replied short, which i ignored, and then she texted again elaborating more. Then last night she text me being nice and said sorry (i assume for being short, like she thought i was mad?)..i just replied matter of factly, no emotion. was this the right move? I am usually really nice, but lately indifference seems to be the only thing she responds to. i dont want to change who i am, but i dont want her to think she is on a pedestal with me anymore.
ps i found out from a mutual friend she made a date 2 weeks after we broke up..im playing it cool though
david saint
October 26, 2016 at 10:01 pm
lol oops..wrong site. my bad
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 29, 2016 at 2:19 am
Hi David,
It’s ok.. But you have to restart no contact. During no contact, you can’t contact her and you can’t reply, no social media stalking and no liking too. You just have to focus in improving yourself only.
Crag
October 25, 2016 at 10:11 pm
I want to try a 30 day No Contact on my ex girlfriend (She was the dumper). She had blocked me from everything apart from Snapchat. I know she still checks up on my Instagram and Snapchat Story while I would only have the chance to see her Snapchat Story at current. If she unblocks me on Facebook or Instagram during this time I will obviously have the ability to see her posts again but with the No Contact I can’t allow myself to. Do I need to block her from everything? The positive of this would be that the temptation to see her stuff would be severely reduced however this would stop her seeing my development as detailed as part of the rule and I feel as though I would appear to be childish or bitter (Names her own friends had called her for blocking me) and I also feel like I have nothing to hide. Please help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 26, 2016 at 11:46 am
hi Crag,
do nc for yourself..even if she is the one who started it, make this nc to focus in healing and improving yourself,.not for getting even.. Yes, you are using social media to influence your image in her, but your actions or the activities should be for yourself.. So, that whatever happens, you’ve already started changing..
why did you break up?