Learn When The No Contact Rule Won't Work On Your Ex

748 thoughts on “When NOT To Use The No Contact Rule On Your Ex Boyfriend”

Jenni

October 24, 2016 at 4:10 am

On the first day of the break-up (he broke up with me) mine told me to burn his clothes. I was shocked that he would be that extreme. So now i have no reason to see him even one last time. I have no way if seeing him unless he decides he wants to see me. Im devastated, to say the least. Im trying to do nc after a week of doing the unthinkable (begging). I feel like i may break it. I feel lost, weak and confused.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 25, 2016 at 7:56 pm

Hi Jenni,

why did he break up with you? how long were together and how old are you both?

Jasmine Tenor

October 22, 2016 at 10:25 pm

Me and my ex broke up about a week ago. A lot has happened during this week. My ex is very caring and has such a good heart. I love him. & I have a feeling he still loves me. But, I’ll admit I wasn’t the best girlfriend. After we broke up I was giving him the cold shoulder. He kept telling me how much he really cared about me but I was too hurt to accept any of it. When we got back to school he started ignoring me. & that really hurt me. He did everything he could just to avoid me and I was prepared to let him. I knew that if he really cared about me like he said he did he’d come back eventually. I wasn’t contacting him. I was trying very hard to act as if I was unfazed. But recently he broke his ankle and I couldn’t help but text him. I told him I hoped he was doing good and he texted me back a short paragraph thanking me and telling me how hurt his ankle was. He seemed like he really appreciated me texting him. We had a short conversation & he started getting short all of a sudden & I ended up telling him that I still care for him. I said it in a way that most people would think was friendly but I know he knew what I meant. I also told him I didn’t want things to be awkward between us. He asked if we could be friends. Even though I had just gotten friend-zoned I accepted. I ended the conversation by saying “goodnight (:” and he sent me a text an hour later saying the same exact thing. After that I contacted a mutual friend of ours. I made the mistake of telling this friend how much I missed my ex and wanted him back. I told him everything. I even told him how much I’ve cried. The friend told me that he could help me get him back. That I had to be straight-up with how I felt for him. At first I declined because of everything I had read. I also know from experience that I needed to give my ex time. He really needed space and I was going to respect that. I told this friend that I wanted to give my ex a chance to miss me. He would come back eventually. If not then it was never meant to be. After some time my friend convinced me to let him speak to my ex. Since they were also friends I thought maybe he was right and he could convince my ex to come back. But I told this friend that if he wanted to talk to my ex that it had to be on his terms. I told him not to say anything about me specifically and not to tell him how much I miss him. My friend didn’t exactly agree with what I was telling him because he felt that I should just tell my ex or let him know that I still love him and want to be with him but he eventually agreed to not say anything about how I felt. Later that day I texted my friend and asked him what all he had said to my ex. He only told me that my ex still cared about me and the reason we broke up. As if I didn’t already know. After he told me this information I figured my ex would still probably need some space and I definitely wanted to give him time to miss me. So I went back to NC. My ex and I have the same lunch so yesterday when he came into the cafeteria looking for somewhere to sit we accidentally made eye contact. I quickly looked away and decided to have a short conversation with this other guy that sat on the opposite side of me. I could see my ex approaching from the corner of my eye and when I looked up he was standing next to my table. I gave him a small smile and he gave one back. At first he asked if we could talk and I didn’t know what to do. I was trying so hard to not contact him. So I gave him a confused look. He had a slight smile on his face and he said that “my friend” (our mutual friend) had come into their classroom and told him that he should talk to me. I was still completely confused and said “what?” and then he rephrased what he had said before and told me that our friend had told him I wanted to talk. I then gave him a look and said “I’m perplexed” he smiled at my word choice and asked me once again if I wanted to talk. I just told him that I never told anyone I wanted to talk to him. & when I’d said it I realized it came out a little rude so I tried to back track by saying “not that I don’t but I just never said I did.” He then asked again if I wanted to talk. In my head I knew I shouldn’t say yes. I was thinking that this would ruin everything since I’m still trying to get him back. There’s no way I’d be able to talk to him without telling him how much I care about him and what not. But I was also thinking that maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad idea. I wanted him to know I still cared. I actually did want to talk to him. & I had a small feeling that he wanted to talk to me too. After awhile I just told him that I did want to talk but not so soon. He simply said okay. I haven’t talked or seen him since. I did text my friend and he said that he didn’t even talk to my ex that day. So I’m still confused on whether or not my ex wanted to talk to me or if he just came up to me because he thought that’s what I wanted. I have this really strong urge to text him. But I’m sure he still needs space. I’m just scared he’s gonna move on. It’s only been a week but I feel like the more time I give him, the more he’s gonna think about the fact that I didn’t try & why we didn’t work. I want to be able to have the chance to tell him how much I’m willing to change but I don’t know how to tell him that. & I don’t know how I’d be able to show it either. I doubt he’d notice a change in how affectionate I am. I also feel that if I continue with NC he’ll take that as me not caring or it’ll be another example as to how I “never cared” and he’s going to try and move on. I’m just so scared that maybe how I acted in our relationship has ruined my chances of ever getting him back. At this point I’m confused and don’t know what to do.

Jasmine Tenor

October 24, 2016 at 9:39 pm

My ex broke up with me because of the lack of effort he felt I was putting into our relationship. We were together for 9 months.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 26, 2016 at 12:53 pm

Ah.. well, with how you said it, I think it’s late if you suddenly start being more affectionate or attentive to him now..You can talk to him if you want to, for the last time.. If it doesn’t work out, then start the no contact rule..
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 24, 2016 at 12:27 pm

Hi Jasmine,

why did he broke up with you? how long were you together?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 18, 2016 at 10:08 pm

yep I did! 🙂 did you mean about what you feel? For me it wouldnt matter anymore if you chose to move on(which I strongly suggest you do)

If I were you, I would payback what she paid for the car..whether it’s a gift or not, in any way that you can..but it would be clear that you’re just paying it so she doesnt have any more to say and so that you dont owe her anything..
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 17, 2016 at 8:22 pm

Hi Jedi,

I just reached your comment.. Move on from her.. If I’m a betting person, I’ll bet 90% she’ll cheat on her new guy too..
Jocelyn

October 17, 2016 at 12:39 am

Long story short, I ended up giving a guy an ultimatum. Either he would be my official boyfriend or we would not do anything at all. He chose not to be my bf. I then tried no contact for a few days, failed, and since then about a month we’ve been friends. But I obviously still have feelings for him. Is there any way to make this work now, to make him want me back?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 18, 2016 at 2:57 pm

Hi Jocelyn,

You’re friendzoned…I think it’s not yet too late to restart no contact..do that and just focus in imprpvong yourself.. he has to think that you have chosen yourself now and that stick to your standards

Nana

October 15, 2016 at 3:16 pm

Hey.

I think my situation is a bit different.

Briefly after the break up:

We broke up 4 months ago. He worked with me for 2 months. It was a cycle of good and bad days. I must admit i was not very strong and I did show him I was very upset about the break up. He came to visit the office (says he was saying hi to his employees weekly for the rest of the two months before he left the country for good). He was leaving to another country to pursue his masters and mentioned/asked on different occasions if we’d still be friends and stay on speaking terms when he leaves, but he said he’ll leave it up to me to decide and take the step to contact him if i think its a good idea. He also told me that he doesn’t want to admit but still thinks about me some times but is completely over this relationship, doesn’t have feelings for me and hopes i could move on soon.

Why we broke up:

There were continuous fighting towards the end. He felt we weren’t compatible because i did not challenge him intellectually.

My concern:

I haven’t contacted him since he left (22 days so far), he hasn’t either. Honestly, i’ve reached the point were i do wish we could get back together but I don’t want it as badly as i did at first. I just don’t want to regret the decision of not contacting him and losing any tiny chance that i might have of getting back together.

Question:

Do you think I should contact him after the NC period (maybe in a month)?

Do you think I still stand a chance, or is it completely over?

Sorry for the long post
& Thanks in advance.

Nana

October 17, 2016 at 12:02 pm

Hey. Thanks fro the reply.

What do you mean be active in social?

I think you forgot to send the link. 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 18, 2016 at 4:42 pm

oh sorry!!! active in posting in social media
here’s the link,:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 16, 2016 at 6:24 pm

Hi Nana,

You have to be active in improving yourself and in social when you’re in the no contact period, if you haven’t done that, you have to restart the count.. And yes, you can initiate contact. Check the link below for that.. What did you feel about the reason he gave you? Is he saying the truth that you were not intellectually compatible?

Leigh

October 13, 2016 at 12:07 am

Hi there~

Unfortunately this article didn’t cover my situation, so let me explain in detail… everything up until today basically has settled in my mind as being right. My ex went to college and had to call things off with us after a month because he’s basically imploding with the stress of his degree and family pressure. I get it, we made all those “we’ll try again when we’re ready” promises (we’re only going to be living an hour away from each other for at least 2 years), and he wants to just be friends (to make sure we don’t lose touch I guess). The thing is the last time I saw him (oct 2nd) when we “finalized the breakup,” he made mention of how getting texts and sweet snapchats from his friends and family keeps him going, including the random funny pictures I’d gotten into the habit of sending him. He called this time in his life when he’s realizing who really matters and made me feel like I was one of those people (but without specifically saying so; also, we met only 4 months ago and were a couple pretty much the whole time but we’re young and basically each others greatest love for different reasons). So, I’d been obliging him with the funny pics and actually talking only a fraction of what we’d used to as school kept him busy and he no longer had real reason to communicate with me, then he came home over the weekend because of the hurricane which let him text a lot the first night. Unfortunately, the conversation was not great. It was a moment of weakness for him after missing me so much, and it made me feel like I was just being used, and I snapped harshly at him. He fell asleep very unhappy but we kinda moved on like it didn’t happen. However, he talked to me less and less as the weekend progressed (mainly because of our new “single” status I’m sure).

Finally, he went back to campus the other day, and last night I realized I had to apologize even if he’d lost trust I wouldn’t get back. “I’m very sorry for snapping at you the night of the storm. I hope you know it wasn’t because you opened up to me,” is what I said hoping he would say something like, “Then why?” or, “Oh, no I don’t know,” so I could further explain…but he never replied.

I’ve caused what’s seemingly happening here before, where I get snappy with a boy who’s being thoughtless and it drives him away. I’m honestly not sure if he’s deliberately ignoring me because he’s angry now and wants nothing to do with me, or if it’s just the real result of how much college is messing him up/bossing his time and he just doesn’t feel the need to reply to that. I’m hoping it’s only him needing space which I’m willing to give and not worry about the text, so my question is, based on all this, how does the no contact rule apply? Should I still send him funny pics but not volunteer life updates?

I want him to come back to me when we’re in a better place so much…we willingly moved too quickly in the relationship but it served to let me see the potential we have when we grow up some and get our issues figured out. I can’t stand the idea of being the reason he never comes back.

Leigh

October 14, 2016 at 12:27 am

Ack, nevermind nevermind, that’s a completely bad idea
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 14, 2016 at 2:42 pm

yeah.. it sucks of she has a good advice buy he will probably just think you’re using that as a reason to check up on him
Leigh

October 14, 2016 at 12:17 am

Amor, I got another question! >_< Does nc apply to his family in the case where they barely know me? I love them dearly and need life advice from his awesome mother. She's been friendly enough, so in a couple weeks, I'm gonna text and ask if she's alright having a heart to heart with me then call if allowed. He's very protective of them so if he's upset with me at all, it may get worse if he finds out I bothered her (especially if he thinks the conversation is about him, which it won't. of course I'll be mentioning him, but I'll literally only ask for life advice).
Leigh

October 13, 2016 at 8:52 pm

Very well..I’ll try. Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 13, 2016 at 9:10 pm

You’re welcome!
Leigh

October 13, 2016 at 4:40 pm

Thank you, Amor. You’re right. I still think sending him the pics perhaps on a regular basis would help us both heal, he doesn’t really reply to them anyway. When college starts up for me, he’ll probably notice how I won’t be telling him what goes on. I’m not trying to get him back right now, he’ll know and get annoyed if I do anyway. Besides, the breakup went on for a week leading up to the day he let me have closure, which let me look back and see I would have called it off myself sooner or later without knowing it would have simply been because we aren’t ready for what we want.

Isn’t friendzoning the point in this case? Or will that ruin our chances of ever getting back together? The last real conversation we had, he knew I meant business when I told him I’d be out if one day he decides we’re better as friends, and he said he doesn’t think we are, that it’s just what we need for now. So, all I want is to give us the best possible chances of not forgetting each other. I’m working on something to give him next month and already picked out the gifts for his birthday in december.

But again, you’re right. The split wasn’t messy besides misunderstandings that got cleared up, but it was hard. We need space for a while.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 13, 2016 at 8:39 pm

I understand that you still think and want to send the pics, but don’t do it.. Because if you do, sending it straight to him is breaking the no contact rule.. Even if you don’t talk, it’s still a way of communicating to him directly.. You can be active in posting in social media, just don’t tag him.. He’ll probably look at that , and that’s ok.. He should be looking at them. That’s your indirect way of updating him.

And the goal is to start as friends and then build up rapport and attraction slowly. Being friendzoned means, you’re just friends, no potential or goal of being together, so we don’t want that..

I’m getting the vibe that you’re thoughtful, that’s very nice.. but just a word of caution, gifts are intimate.. it’s ok to give him something on his birthday but if you haven’t built enough attraction next month, hold off on giving gifts..

And one last, enjoy your nc.. you only have limited time of only thinking about yourself.. So, make the most of it.. Make a new routine and continue that routine even after nc..
Leigh

October 13, 2016 at 12:23 am

Oh, and I should add, when we first started talking, we both made it a point of being upset by no contact behavior. As in, he told me about how girls would suddenly get mad at him and ignore him forever, and I said I’d just been dropped by a guy, no word (who I wasn’t attached to at all, the dropping part was just unnerving). It was a connecting understanding for us, so I’m worried that NC will backfire horribly, especially since we’re supposed to be friends now (even if the reality is we have to take time to settle into it).
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 13, 2016 at 2:55 pm

Hi Leigh,

actually it was just normal for you to feel that way, because that’s the truth. You broke up and yet he didn’t take your feelings into consideration in asking you to keep talking to him. You need to heal too. And by keeping on talking to him, you’re slowly being friendzoned. If you want, to make you more comfortable, tell him you understand that he’s taking his time now and you realized that you need time for yourself too. You were glad to really help him through college but now you need space to get in touch with yourself again and heal from the break up..

And then do the no contact rule.. but don’t tell him for how long you’re going to need space

Hilary

October 12, 2016 at 1:05 pm

Hi…my fiance and I (we’ve been engaged for a year..dated a year now a half)…had a huge fight a week ago…he ignored me at first then he sent a text that he needed some time..he would see me when he’s done….I went crazy knowing he’s a sucker for frequent contact …I did the whole crazy gf thing..lol…he never responded to any of my msgs / calls. it’s been a few days I’ve been on the no contact rule…is giving him space the same as him breaking our engagement? ?..I really don’t know what to do

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 12, 2016 at 4:51 pm

Hi Hilary,

he just needs space for now..dont worry too much.. use this time to regain your balance too. go back to your activities, improve yourself

Brad

October 11, 2016 at 10:35 pm

Hi, so I dated a girl for 7 years. We were engaged for the past year and 4 months before the wedding, I was battling severe depression and doubting myself that I’d be able to provide for her and be the man I wanted to be. I hated being broke and that was the big thing we fought about. So I said I needed some time to myself and I left and was in low contact mode, she was broadsided and going through what I’m going through now. She’d also cheated on me a few times in the relationship (in the first 3 or so years – she had been pretty committed the last 2). Anyways, it’s been 5 months now since I’d left, and now is when it finally hit me. I was upset and broken up before when I left but it’s like before I didn’t see it as the end – I just needed time to be a better person so I could help our relationship, and I needed time to get over what had happened. She took it really hard and I still talked to her every few days, and she was always talking about looking forward to us being together again. That ended about a month ago, and that was around the time I realized I was ready and more committed than ever to me and her.

Should I go into no contact now? I’m the one messaging her first, not the other way around. She said she hasn’t been with anyone and doesn’t want to and said she doesn’t know what she wants. Or that she doesn’t want to rush into anything right now. What do I do from here? I’m about to take a really good job offer to NY and that’ll put us 12 hours away where I’ll work a lot. I was really surprised that she wasn’t ready to enter the relationship again because she said the entire time she’d wait for me and she was so optimistic before. Is it over? I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, every thought I have leads back to her. I spend my nights crying, and I’ll take a few shots to ease the pain but that only backfires after about an hour and makes me feel worse.

I need the help here. I don’t know what else to do.

Brad

October 14, 2016 at 1:04 am

Thank you so much. Just final stipulation I have: I think her biggest fear and I guess the thing that she’s really feeling insecure about is from me leaving obviously – like I abandoned her and that’s messed with how she values herself. Would no contact really be good for that? I just feel like I should be reinforcing the idea that I’ll be there for her if she needs me. Also, we still share a phone plan and she could check my phone history to see that I’m intentionally ignoring her. This is for sure the best route?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 14, 2016 at 3:54 pm

hmm.. you asked her and she declined.. It’s understandable that of course she wouldn’t hold you back, but the danger of being constantly available to her despite the fact that you told her you want her back and she refused, is that you’ll be friendzoned..

You have to have space to get a chance that she will realize your value.. Ok, you can at least tell her that you thank her for understanding and supporting you but you hope she understands that you need space to heal too.. and when you’re ready, you’ll reconnect.. dont tell her for how long you’re going to do nc..and then be so active in improving yourself..after nc, slowly build rapport
Brad

October 12, 2016 at 7:31 pm

Not trying to blow you up here. I mentioned dropping the job for her, and she told me to go to NY, and that she’s not interested in seeing anyone, and that I need the job – says she wants me to be happy, that if I meet someone else then I meet someone else. She has said she misses me, she does care, and she loves me – but those are I suppose the only “positive” responses she’s had. Everything else she’s said has been distant.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 13, 2016 at 6:35 am

It’s ok Brad, you can comment anytime.. When you go into no contact, you can’t reply to her..And with what she said, you should really try doing no contact.. Be active in improving yourself and be active in social media too.. but don’t reply nor greet nor like her posts..
Brad

October 12, 2016 at 4:58 pm

When I go into no contact, if she messages me, should I respond at all? That’s the only part I don’t know about NC. Do I just completely drop off her radar, or should I reply when she messages me first?
Brad

October 12, 2016 at 12:05 am

Yes, when I told her she asked if I was for sure going or not yet and I said I hadn’t signed the contract yet but otherwise yes.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 12, 2016 at 9:46 am

Ok, honestly, it will not be worth it to lose your job for someone who is not sure with you. So, make it clear with her because pull this card on you when you move there.. I know you’re willing to forget the job just for her, so address that.. if she still says, she’s not sure, then it would be better to just go to NY and then do no contact.. give her space to think.. That would mean, you would approach it as a potential long distance relationship after no contact.Don’t tell her that right away when you start to build rapport, just keep in mind that that’s the goal. Now, what if you get back together and you’re already in NY? That means you and her have to work out the money for traveling, time to see each other and a plan to be together someday for it to work..
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 10:45 pm

Hi Brad,

does she know you’re moving to NY?

Mélodie

October 5, 2016 at 10:10 pm

hi,
My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago and i really have difficulty with the no contact rule. I haven’t talk to him, but his mother have send me a couple of message text and ask me if I want to go with her to drink a coffee. Sure I said yes, but we haven’t seen each other yet because I dont no if that count for a contact ( He still live with is mom because he is at college) Should i go and tell his mom i am doing fine and use a little bit of invert psychology on him?
He broke up with me because he said he doesn’t love me anymore and that he dont want a relation ship right now. I understand that he need time and I really hope that that time will make him miss me.. But should I avoid his mom to?
Please answer to me, i dont know what to do!! And sorry for my bad english, i actually talk french!
Thanx

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 7, 2016 at 4:17 pm

Hi Melodie,

why did his mom ask to see you? Is it to talk about what happened between you and him?

jessica

October 1, 2016 at 1:42 pm

what if he text or calls me about bringing back my stuff from his apartment?
how should i act? to break the nc rule?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 4, 2016 at 4:10 pm

it’s ok to talk about stuff, just as long as it’s only about the stuff.

Ella

September 22, 2016 at 9:46 pm

I recently confessed my feelings to man I have been seeing for almost a year, asking for clarity and reassurance that he felt the same. To my surprise he got angry instead of embracing the love I was showing and has completely cut me out of his life. The texts became fewer and farther between until he just stopped replying. He still thinks ok to send stupid snapchats though. We work together and I can’t bare to see him happy and living like I meant nothing. I decided that I would stop texting and initiate no contact but am in limbo if this is over or he is needing time out because he refuses to communicate what he wants despite repeated requests. Help! Should I take these as signs it’s over and move on initiating no contact or hang in there waiting for a response?

Ella

October 21, 2016 at 11:41 pm

So this man has run cold again. Just as I thought we were back on track. I’m feeling like a toy he just plays with when he is bkred when he goes through these cold phases. How do I initiate no contact without seeming cold myself and when supposedly “nothing is wrong”. My feelings are so hurt and I know I should walk but I care so much for him and when the good times are here it couldn’t be more perfect. Help me please
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 23, 2016 at 11:14 am

nope,..dont initiate contact if you feel that way..
Ella

September 26, 2016 at 5:42 am

Okay – so we are back kind of talking but things are weird and uncomfortable. He doesn’t seem himself, last week he couldn’t get enough of me, the minute I asked for clarity he told me I should know and has shut down. First the ignoring thing, he has slightly thawed since the freeze out but he is still not himself. Choosing to spend time doing everything but spend time with me. Last week I thought things we were good, no I have no idea – can you start no contact with someone you’re in a semi relationship with? Or – do you have to wait til a complete breakup to do this.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 26, 2016 at 12:14 pm

Oh, he thought you wouldn’t bring up the topic. He doesn’t want to talk about it and it looks like it was not the right time to ask him about it. Yes, you can still start no contact even if you’re not really together.
Ella

September 24, 2016 at 6:08 am

Dating – for a long time and sleeping (in the literal term), he is ignoring me after the conversation and said I had trust issues. He refuses to tell me either way what he wants (finish or move forward together) despite numerous requests. I’m heartbroken at being ignored but wondering if he is trying to tell me something without actually saying it. Should I just walk away?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 7:33 pm

Ah ok… Try no contact first before totally moving on. At least that way, you can focus more in healing before making a decision out of unstable emotion.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 23, 2016 at 5:05 pm

HI Ella,

What do you mean by seeing? Do you just date or you slept with him?

Anna

September 22, 2016 at 7:33 pm

I’m so lost…I started no-contact a couple of days ago and he just out of the blue showed up at my work to give me a couple of my things back. I have not heard from him since Sunday so I was surprised that he messaged me asking me to come outside by my car for a minute. I responded with “for a second.” I walked outside and as he was getting out of his car, I said “hey, what’s up.” He hands me an envelope with my first and middle name on it. I asked him what it was and he said something along the lines of it not being a shock or no surprise that it’s my “earrings and gate card.” I said something along the lines of “ok,” or something like that. I don’t really remember but whatever it was, it was I said was in my confusion as to what was going on. He followed it up with something about it’s not like he was going to need my earrings. He then gave me a hug (what in the heck!?!?!) As I walked away I said “thank you.” I am so confused as to why he just showed up unexpectedly. In my confusion, I didn’t even think to ask him how I should get him his things back so I shot him a quick text asking him how he wanted to handle it. He responded about a half hour later asking me what things of his I had. I mirrored him by responding a half hour after he messaged me and telling him what things of his I had. It was about 15 minutes after that when he sent me another text that said he could probably stop by my place around 8 tomorrow morning. When I responded a couple of hours later, I just said “that should be alright.” Again, I am completely confused as to why he would go out of his way to come by my work and return things that he could have easily thrown away. And the hug? What was that all about? Any ideas if what happened was a good thing or a bad thing? My only other questions would be, did I screw the no contact up and do I have to start it over? I appreciate any advice you can give me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 23, 2016 at 4:04 pm

Hi Anna,

looks like he missed you and he’s wondering why you’ve been ignoring him. Nope you didn’t break it because you didn’t have any feelings talk nor relationship talk.

Robert

September 20, 2016 at 1:52 am

Hey, me and my ex were in a long distance relationship. She caught feelings for another man who is significantly older than her so i broke up with her. Before they got together i messaged him saying that it’s illegal for him to do stuff with her. After that I pleaded for her to come back, she wouldn’t. 2 days after that, me and her skype and she tells me that they’re together now. So I tell her that I hope he makes her happy and doesn’t use her and that we had a good talk. We disconnect. I decided it was time to imply the NC rule. The next morning she texts me asking me what I sent him. I decided not to reply. 2 hours later she texts me “???????”. 2 hours after that she text me that we need to skype tonight. Still I don’t reply. I go on facebook and read her messages which say “We need to skype tonight”, “ok?”, “can you not ignore me”, “please answer it’s important”. I still do nothing. Her friend 3 hours later then messages me saying “hi”, “can you talk”. Still I don’t reply. Am I doing the right thing?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 20, 2016 at 10:41 am

Hi Robert,

what was she asking about? Did you send something to her or was that just referring to your last message? If it was just your last message, then you’re doing the right move ignoring her messages. If it is really important, she would tell what that is.

Rupsha

September 12, 2016 at 3:45 am

Me and my bf had been in a relationship for last 3 years.First two years were good but after that he went away to another place and in the last year we were in a long distance relationship.The last time he came back, he was perfectly fine and was commited.But suddenly a 1 mobth after our 3 years completion he said that we cannot be in a relationship.First he was not stating any reason and asked me to move forward.Then he finally told that he loved me but does not want to be in a relationship with me. What should I do now?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 13, 2016 at 6:04 pm

HI Rupsha,

when did you break up?

Antony

September 11, 2016 at 9:07 am

Hi,

Girlfriend broke up with me and I am doing no contact know. But she texted me that she´s not getting her period yet. What should I do . Should I respond or she´s just testing me a playing games on me ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 13, 2016 at 6:09 am

Hi Anthony,

you should reapond.. maybe she’s scared or worried..

Rhys

September 7, 2016 at 8:54 am

me and my girlfriend broke up a month ago. long story short, I ended up in a brief financial crisis because I lost my job due to epilepsy. She was willing to go through hell and high water with me but once her parents found out she was helping with our finances they freaked out and said that if she didn’t leave me they’d take her car away, stop paying for her college, and stop ever helping her. weird thing she ended up moving into the apartment above me in a 4 Plex and it’s hard to move on. I’ve heard she asks about me and I could tell she’s not over me yet (even though she says she is) when we talked the other day. I spoke my mind about what her parents did towards the end of our conversation and she was holding tears back and I could tell she knew I was right. how can I open up her mind to how messed up her parents are being and fix things with me? I’m hurting here, I see her car next to mine every day and listen to her walking around upstairs. i dedicated my heart to this woman and I want her to see what her parents really did to her. what can I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 8, 2016 at 8:34 am

HI Rhys,

Truth is, she’s still dependent on her parents. And her parents felt that their money that is supposed to be for their daughter is being used on a boyfriend.

So, you have to prove first that that wouldn’t happen again, because she’s losing more than what she would gain if she would go back with you.. Unless she can prove to her parents that it would not happen again, it’s less likely that she will go back with you.

Harry

September 6, 2016 at 3:08 am

Hey,
My ex and I were having problems and she wasn’t putting an effort to fix them. A week before she moved to college I got fed up and broke up with her. Realizing my mistake, I tried to fix it and tried to get her back but she was tired of me taking her for granted and she didn’t want to get back with me. I begged and pleaded and even went to see her. She got back together with me and after I came home, I got a text from her saying good bye that she doesn’t want to do this anymore because it feels forced. I went to go see her again, forcing her to see me because she didn’t want to. She told me that she didn’t want a commitment, she wanted to live her life and wanted to enjoy college. This is so stupid because in the 11 months we’ve been dating she told me that I was the one and that it was us against the world and that she’d never quit on us. I had gone mad after the break up and she found out that I had bought a gun because I didn’t have the will to live anymore. She called me a pyscho during the meet up, but I told her I was sorry and that I was going to return it and I wasn’t going to use it. After seeing her that day I initiated NC. I haven’t talked to her in over a week. My birthday is coming up in 10 days, what do I do if she wishes me a happy birthday? Or even calls me? I don’t know what to do, but I really want this girl back! What do you think of this situTion?

Harry

September 7, 2016 at 10:52 pm

But do you think with her being in college now, she want to get back together if I do everything right?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 8, 2016 at 3:12 pm

We can’t guarantee that. Your actions can increase your chances, and help you avoid making the situation worse but it’s not guaranteed that you will get her back.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2016 at 5:24 am

Hi Harry,

don’t answer. Be focused in improving yourself and I think you should do at least 30 days. Read this article too about birthdays so that you understand why you can’t answer her.
EBR 057: Birthdays And The No Contact Rule

Kristy

September 6, 2016 at 3:04 am

Hi I’ve been doing no contact for about 5 days. Me and my boyfriend are amazing together: we have been dating 2 years. A year in we started living with his parents it’s been ok and we all get along. Last week my brother came and had evape in his gym bag. His mom accused him of having drugs and told me to leave. I’m not sure what she said to my bf because he told me it’s over and I disrespected his mom. I’m heart broken. Me and him have been so happy and now it’s over due to his unhealthy attachment with mom/ he told me my family is uneducated and he can’t marry in to it/

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2016 at 5:26 am

Hi Kristy,

I’m assuming you moved out there. Stick to no contact and let him think. YOu need to listen to this too: EBR 054: My Exes Mom Made Him Break Up With Me

Luke

August 30, 2016 at 11:10 pm

Hey there!
I’ve been having trouble and I was wondering if you could give me some advice?
Before I say my story I would like to say I do still love this girl and I would still like to get back with her.
Me and my ex fiancé broke up about 4 months ago. In our realationship we had issue sometimes but it was rare. We went through a mis carriage at one stage and she was caught lying about a child she told me was hers with another man but I later found out it wasn’t hers and this poor guy had no idea any of these stories where being told about him. Anyways off topic.
When we broke up it was because she believed it was for the best I did try to ask her to come back and almost got her within the first few days but she eventually told me that we where never getting back together after that. I then didn’t talk to her for the week and she blocked me on all social media after I posted a picture of me and my family. I quickly reacted to this by sending a so call “accidental message” to her so we could talk but it turned worse on me because she stilled showed recenent towards me. Time passes and accasionally I tried to talk to her and ask for her to come back when one day I decided that I wanted answers so I ended up doing some digging and found our she slept with a guy she said was just a friend during our realationship. I confronted her and she said that she was really drunk and didn’t remember the night much. After that she said we could try and work things out which we did for the next 2 weeks and we even met up for dinner and such but one day she messaged me saying she was gay and had been seeing a councelor about it. After hearing this I asked what about us and she replied ” I don’t think it will work then” after this I said “are you sure you are?” and she said “not really” from there we agreed that she needed time to think about it and sought out her head but being me I didn’t believe her that she was. I eventually got love sick and wanted to talk to her where this is where we argued and she said that she was gay and didn’t want to be with me. The argument ended badly and from there after that we meet up and we discussed the situation and she said she could never see us together ever again and she didn’t want to because she believes we won’t work. I tried to explain logic but we all know that doesn’t work in these situations so I used a work of advice her man gave to her which was you need to be 100% to be able to be with someone properly or it’s not fair on them. With this I suggested time so NC because all she ever wanted was time so I said you can have it and when she’s done she contacts me and we will see if we can work things out which she disagreed with the first time but then I rephrased it differently so se then agreed. From there we have contacted about some money she owes me but that’s about it and this NC has been going on for about 4 weeks now and during this time she is meant to be looking for a house which i told her she can slow down on payments of money she owes me because she might need some of it for the house. Anyways at the same time she is meant to be doing instalments to me but also find a house and when she pays me she lets me know so I’m aware of it, but last payment she said she couldn’t because she’s going away on a holiday ( I’m assuming it’s to see her family ) and she said she will pay double next time but at this time she’s meant to be looking for a house. So to sum it up I have a questions because I’m not to sure what to do.

1. This guy what is he with her and should I be worried?
2. Do you think there is a chance?
3. What should I do right now?
4. What do I do when she finally comes back and says she doesn’t want to be together? ( I would like to also add she said she wants to be friends but I told her I couldn’t do that, and she said she also cares about me but not in that ways anymore) I’m not to sure if she is just saying this to make me feel better.

Thanks for reading and I’m really sorry this is a long message.

Luke

August 31, 2016 at 11:58 pm

I believe she is still talking to him but she told me that they aren’t together but she said this at the start when we broke up and I found out she was trying to get with him but stopped after I found out that she slept with him. She also esplained to me that she believes she is bi but I knew this when I first met her and she told me this aswell I think she just forgot.
Luke

August 30, 2016 at 11:42 pm

I used a word of advice her nan gave to her*
Sorry spell check
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2016 at 2:31 pm

Hi Luke,

If she’s not seeing the other guy now, then they’re probably not together and if she is gay, then that means it wouldn’t work with her.

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