Learn When The No Contact Rule Won't Work On Your Ex

748 thoughts on “When NOT To Use The No Contact Rule On Your Ex Boyfriend”

Julie

March 16, 2016 at 8:44 am

Hey,

I am currently doing NC with my ex, but he send me a message with some information he really needs. Before we split he borrowed me his cellphone, he didn’t use it anymore, but he texted me that his phone broke and now he has to use it again but in order to reset it he needs some of my accounts details. Should i still ignore him or just give him the details? And if i do give him the details is that all i say?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2016 at 10:17 pm

Hi Julie,

Does he ry need your account details for that. In nc, it’s ok to talk with your ex if it’s only about emergency things or things that you really need to talk about like that..and yes you only talk about the specific info

Lina

March 15, 2016 at 2:41 am

Hi there. I have a unique situation. Over 20 years ago I dated my ex and almost married him. We both married other people, had kids etc. I divorced over 7 years ago and he is recently divorced. 6 months. We rexomnected and he went from 0 to 60. A few days ago he lashed out at me via text. Not even sure why but said he doesn’t want a relationship and he needs his space. Then said don’t mess this up I will not tolerate it. I will talk to you when the time is right. But did state he would go to a concert with me in 2 weeks. Just prior to that he had taken some of his things out of my house and left the key. I still have some clothes, 2 stereos, a 12 foot ladder and a few misc. Items. I told him I would leave him alone. That lasted 4 days and I sent a hey how are you text. He reaponded with a good morning, i am ok. How about you. I replied but he didn’t. That was it. I am back to the no contacting but if I do not hear from him, I will send a simple text regarding the concert. Nothing about what I have been up to etc. I do know he is under a lot of stress from his divorce and was complaining of headaches prior to this blow up. Not sure if he will go to the concert or if I will hear from him before that or after. Any thoughts on that?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2016 at 2:14 pm

HI Lina,

The lashing out and stating that you would go in a concert is in one same text? They’re not sent separately?

Anum

March 12, 2016 at 11:14 pm

hi,

I had a 2.5 months relationship with a boy. one day he told me that he will be busy in his business and unable to talk throughout the day. however promised me to manage 2-3 hours. From the very next day he left me all alone (texted me once a week). however, he got online for an hour daily but didn’t talk to me. I begged him and apologized him but nothing had happened. he always said he haven’t left me. The worst mistake i made was making a Fake FB account and started chatting there and after some day i told him its me… he left me suddenly, blocked me from all his accounts and told me to that our relationship couldn’t continue due to trust issues. i again begged him but hadn’t gotten any reply. After that i moved to NC (i know its late but at last i have to). Its been a week he haven’t contacted me even he left the country for business tour for a month but haven’t texted me before leaving.

Please let me know what should be done. Should i still apply NC rule or try something else.. Please help. that guy have serious EGO issues and had 7 Exs before me. Please suggest what should be done. Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 13, 2016 at 7:00 am

Hi Anum,

yes finish nc, I think you should 45 days but you have to make it seem that you’re moving on…if he still sees that you’re not over him, he may just avoid you.. do active nc and establish to be the ungettable girl

Erin

March 3, 2016 at 12:39 am

I just started no contact but I know I’m going to run into him at the gym at some point. I definitely won’t seek him out, but what do I do if we end up making eye contact? My gut feeling is to smile and wave at him but not make any move to go over to talk. But if I smile and wave isn’t that inviting him to come talk to me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 3, 2016 at 12:02 pm

if you’re in no contact, don’t do that.. distance yourself from him

hridaynee

February 29, 2016 at 11:37 am

Hey,
Me and my ex boyfriend broke up 6 months back and after all my pleading begging and crying for one last chance he hates me.
He don’t want any communication or relationship with me. He asked me not to call or text. THOUGH HE HAS NOT BLOCKED ME ANY WHERE , …

I started No Contact since last five days without informing him that I am going to do that ( as such he was only responding to my calls previously so no point in telling him not to contact etc )

But during these five days I haven’t received a single msg or call from him… I am worried what if instead of missing me he feels happy and move on???? Should I continue No Contact or call him ?
Advice

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 10:13 am

Hi Hridaynee,

os he responding positively with your calls?

Katrina

February 27, 2016 at 1:57 pm

Hi,
My boyfriend just broke up with me one week ago. We lived together and I am currently 6months pregnant with our child. To be honest I never even seen this breakup coming. We did not have issues in our relationship. I will however say everything g happened so fast for us but regardless we had that relationship that everyone envied. I’m completely thrown by this and I’m hurt he walked out on us. I would’ve never imagined him doing this, as he wasn’t this type of neglectant man to me and our unborn baby. He already spoiled her with gifts all the time and she’s not even here yet. At first he gave me no reason but said some hurtful things like you’re not good enough for me, I just don’t want you anymore, and this is done forever. Again out of nowhere. Then a couple of days ago he told me it was mostly stress but he still loves me. Well as hard as it is and as much as I miss him I decided to do NC on him which I just started a couple of days ago. My question is since I’m 6 months pregnant with his daughter and this is a high risk pregnancy, would it be fair to do a 30 day NC on him. Even if he tries to communicate with me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 28, 2016 at 8:05 am

Hi Katrina

the baby is first priority.. If he wants to talk listen..but don’t argue.. let him prove his words while you remain calm.. Give him space but first mostly give yourself space away from stress for the baby.. Think of what’s fair for the baby right now, not for him..

Sophie

February 21, 2016 at 4:17 pm

My boyfriend and I split 1 year ago… I found him texting a number of other women around 30 he was not sorry for this an always blamed it on friends etc. I was so upset I could not talk about this with him he knew he was destroying me. Everyone time we would argue he would block me for 3/4 days at a time when I would get anxiety and message him hundreds of time abuse until he would block me. He went on holiday and never spoke to me again only blocked me on every social media site etc we argued non stop for the past year now he would like to be friends every time we try to be friends I lose my head and message him constantly until he blocks me. Is it too late for the no contact rule I do want to get back with him but I don’t know if he will he says I am physco after I message him non stop till he blocks me on what’s app I message etc. I need time to forgive him and work out what I want

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 22, 2016 at 11:09 am

Hi Sophie,

Just to make it clear, you want to do no contact to move on from him?

Gami

January 17, 2016 at 6:00 pm

Hi Chris, I live in a city far from family and my ex and I have been in a long distance relationship for over 2.5 years. He wanted to find out if I was ok and make sure I am alive/not hospitalized because he is worried about me. I just started week 2 of no contact. I assume it’s ok to respond to let him know I’m ok, is that correct? If so, how should I respond? Responding “I’m ok” seems curt and not inducive towards leaving a positive feeling in him, but responding also indicates I’m purposely not contacting him.. Thanks for your help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2016 at 9:34 am

Hi Gami,

Are your friends in any social media platform? You can post there some of your activities, it’s one way of indirectly showing you’re ok

Lesly

January 10, 2016 at 5:40 pm

Hi Chris,
my ex and I have been in a real beautiful and flawless but long distance relationship for 6 months. He broke up with me due to his depression, he said that it stopped him from loving me. I ve been in a NC periode for 16 days, but broke it because he contacted me, Ikept tye discussion friendly, but not emotionnal. I believe that theNC rule is not suitable in a long distance, yet short relationship. Please correct me if i am wrong. What is your advice ?

Mel

February 1, 2016 at 2:49 am

I understand this. I have been worried about my ex who broke things off with me during a depressed state saying he needs time to think about things. I was seriously worried he was suicidal last weekend, and I broke NC to check on him (In this case, he only lives 5 minutes away). While he was “ok,” he had been on a bender the night before, texted me drunk and vague, and it worried me. I think it’s ok if your intentions are truly for his mental and physical well-being. I considered having a friend or his mother check on him, but I didn’t want to worry anyone else since he is very private about his issues. If you’re a praying person, I suggest taking some time to pray or meditate on it with him at the center of your concern, as opposed to your own feelings. Good luck, and please let me know how things work out!
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 17, 2016 at 9:40 am

Hi Lesly,

The no contact rule is not tailored for everybody. It can be flexible. But you did great even though you didn’t complete it, it doesn’t mean you failed. He’s in depression and you not contacting him for a while can help him too and how you replied to him is awesome. So go with your gut while also taking in some of our advices

Girl

January 3, 2016 at 10:16 am

What if I am doing NC and my ex boyfriend asked me to clear and remove away my stuffs from his house?

Can I ignore him and contact him after the NC is over?

I was very needy before break up and I begged continuouy I don’t think I should break the NC …

Should I ignore his text ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 19, 2016 at 9:28 am

Hi GIRL,
Yeah. Ignore it for now. It might be his way to check on you

Tamara

December 29, 2015 at 9:23 pm

my ex and i communicate through skype. should i stay offline for 30days?
Anonymous

December 7, 2015 at 4:40 am

My boyfriend and i have been together for 10 long unhappy years. I was 20, he was 30 at the time when our eyes met across our local pub. The first time I saw him he was unkept and scruffy with long black hair, beard and his army jacket but that seemed to appeal to me at the time. I was a little Rock chick and in serious rebellion mode.

When he asked me to visit him at his place I thought sure as I found him intriguing and wanted to find out more about him. All i can say is i was completely shocked and horrified by what I discovered when he accepted me in though his front door. He turned out to be a hoarder of the worse kind, I mean my dreams and fantasies of this guy were crushed when I realised he was super lazy and super unhygienic! He kept 6 cats, 3 large bosc monitors (in filthy cages you couldn’t actually see though the vivs glass) 1 MASSIVE common boa snake (again in filth) the cats were allowed to use the house as a toilet and he was happy to walk through the mess and not blink an eye. He would hoard all his rubbish to the point where you couldn’t see the floor/sofas. The kitchen was diabolical with what you would expect from this kind of person!
I quickly realised he lived with his 80 year old disabled auntie who was incontent and would also use the house and a toilet through no fault of her own she was mentally disabled.
When he finally agreed to show me his bedroom it was so packed with all his crap it barricaded his door and he had to force the door open (I mean seriously)!! The stuff behind his door was a tidal wave of boys toys!!! Marvel super hero stuff/DC comic toys!!! Just WHY???
I came to realised he also lived with his stoner brother who was equally as disgusting as this man I seemed to be so fond of.

Even after all these horrifying discoveries my young, nieve mind thought I can help this man! I can get him straight, tidy his place, make him see life can be better than this. So I stuck with it. I grew to love him but I also dispised him! So right hindsight is a total batch! He is not capable of such change! Hes been this way since his mum, nan, grandad died when he was 21 who left him sole carer so his disabled auntie! So I get it, he was alone very young and massively depressed. But does it really justify his downfall?? I don’t know I still have my parents so I can’t comment. I would like to think I would keep my insanity enough to keep clean house and body after the mourning process of loved ones??

Any 5 years later I’m still with him arguing like cat and dog but I’m pregnant with his little daughter I said this situation has to change NOW! We stripped the house down deep cleaned and redecorated. Stoner brother OUT auntie was placed in a home at this point anyway. So we had babies room ready all seemed pleasant. But that dirty hoarder monster still lurks in him. I’m lucky if he would shower once a week?? Brush his teeth EVER!!!!!!

2 years after our daughter is born I’m pregnant again, we planned this one it’s a boy. I didn’t want my daughter to be an only child my son was more like a gift to her, not for my boyfriend and i?! At this point I’m growing wiery of his ways. I may as well have 3 children. He’s incapable of cleaning himself up and enjoying life to its maximum!

I’m really done this time. I left him iv packed my stuff drove 200 miles me and the kids are living with my parents now.

Im worried for him. Because he needs us to survive?? What else can I do? Iv tried to get through to him but he just doesn’t get it. ?

Chris

December 7, 2015 at 6:43 pm

Thanks for the name change wasnt sure if i were able to edit post.
Not unless I ask him too, and even then he moans. Yeah I’m sure this is the right thing to do, a huge weight has been lifted and I’m ready to start a new chapter.
Chris Seiter

December 7, 2015 at 3:43 pm

I changed your name because it was showing your email and I didn’t want that out there for people to see.

Man he seems like he needs to take care of himself a bit more. He doesn’t even shower?

Pauline

November 23, 2015 at 10:59 am

Hello Chris,
I was with my ex boyfriend for a 1 year. He broke up with me more than a month ago and went abroad to figure out what he wants from life and improve his financial situation. During our relationship he had some problems with jealousy and luck of trust. There was no reason for this.
Few months ago he said he feels to insecure to tell me that we’re going to be together forever&ever.I’m 27 he’s 33 so we’re not teenagers anymore and I thought we could create something strong.
He always needed his space,we lived separately but I felt he didn’t give me enough attention. On the other hand all the moment we had were amazing and I have so many good memories.
Anyway…he left me saying that he has to be on his own till the rest of his life and he’s not able to live with anyone.Now…I love him and it’s hard for me to let him go like this.We talk after a break up but it was too painful.He started saying “we have to get over it…it’ll be easier with time”.After a phonecall I decided to cut the contact. It’s a biggest nightmare.It’s been 4 day and yesterday he send me a sms that he’s thinking about me,about my sweet face and kind eyes…that he wish he could have changed and he hope I’ll forgive him one day.I didn’t reply.
My question is what should I do?I want him back but I don’t know if it’s even possible and should I keep using NC rule in that case? Looking forward for your answer.
Tyler

November 15, 2015 at 3:45 pm

So, he broke up with me on a Saturday I cried and you’d him I don’t agree that we should break up. Later that day I texted him and said it was a great idea and that may we can fix our problems trough friendship( like he wanted to) then I canceled on us hanging out link we have spoke of over the ephemeral and stopped texting me for about 5 days in the year
time he text me twice and I did not reply
The other day I sent him a link to a video about getting ears pierced and asked him if he was ready it was something we were going to do together, I was worried he would do it with out me and when the video popped up in guess I thought it was a sign.
I acted nonchalant and ended the conversation with I’ll look some place up sometime (as if it was not important to me) unfortunately he did not reply this time and now I’m worried Ibroke the no contact rule AND did not properly end the conversation I started
Am I ok? We go to college together I sreally him almost every day he still likes my stuff on Facebook and instagram and says Hi to me in a flirty voice and it’s annoying.
Keyana

November 12, 2015 at 4:53 pm

In regards to the exchanging things… What if my ex is completely ignoring me and he has my televisions, blu ray DVD player and all of my movies? What should I do then?

Chris Seiter

November 19, 2015 at 5:28 am

How have you tried contacting him? Only through text?

Emily

November 2, 2015 at 6:42 pm

Hi there!

I just wanted to say Thankyou very much for this website! I implemented the 30 day no contact rule on my military ex boyfriend and we are now back together!

However, while our new relationship is going great I am well aware that he has left me once before, therefore I am wondering if you have any advice to keep him interested!

I genuinely feel better than I have ever been, working out, eating healthy, new job! I am truly at my best, but there is still that niggling of worry at the back of my head that he could always leave again.

If you have any advice I would greatly appreciate it!!! You’re fantastic!!!!!

Emily ?
Elisa

October 9, 2015 at 2:48 pm

Hi Chris,
Thank you for all you do on this site and all the time you take to read and answer each comment.
Me and my boyfriend broke up 5 days ago because he told me that he doesn’t love me anymore but he feels for me something that he could never feel for any other woman. We’re living together. I started NC basically ignoring him. We haven’t talked until today when he kissed me on the cheek while I was still sleeping. I woke up and didn’t say anything. And when I came back home he told me he wanted to talk. I had to answer and told him I don’t want to talk no. He said ok. Did I break NC by answering? And what does his behaviour mean? I’m confused.
Thank you again.
Joanna

September 9, 2015 at 11:42 pm

How do you get someone back who leaves just because they wanted more sex? Mine was already with someone new the same week he left me. We were together 11 years. It has been a month and i only contact him about splitting our stuff and his daughter. He even told his mom he left because of not enough sex. I had no clue he was leaving until he told me goodbye. Now he wants us to be friends.
Tiffany

September 8, 2015 at 12:49 am

What if my ex is being a text gnat but it’s neither positive or negative. For an example, he calls 5 times and sends to texts saying “hey” and “Tiffany”. Is it ok to break the NC rule then?

james williams

October 14, 2015 at 10:01 pm

if your the right Tiffany’ thank you for doing it , my emotions were out of control. its one of the worst thing i have been through, hope you can forgive me.

Annie

September 7, 2015 at 4:17 pm

Alex and I broke up last week. We live together and he is deciding to move out. Over the course of our relationship (1 1/2 yrs), we’ve both turned into nasty versions of ourselves. We’ve both done bad things, and I’ll be the first to admit that I did a horrible job reminding him of how great he was. He in turn became short tempered with me, and began pushing me away.

One day, out of the blue, he’s made up his mind that he’s leaving and wants nothing to do with me, and is hesitant to say anything hopeful about our future. I did the “don’t” and tried fixing the problem and convincing him that although some separation would be good, breaking up wasn’t necessary. I know I shouldn’t have, and now we still have 2 and 1/2 weeks left before he moves over an hours drive away, and he says he realizes how much of a b**** I’ve been and wants nothing to do with me. He also tells my friend that he doesn’t care that he’s hurting me, because “being heartless is better than feeling heartache”.

I’m terrified that him leaving angry will ruin any chance at a future. Because he’s moving so far away, it isn’t possible do accidental run-ins. And he is the one so adamant about a permanent NC that I’m afraid NC won’t work. What should I do?

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748 thoughts on “When NOT To Use The No Contact Rule On Your Ex Boyfriend”