Learn When The No Contact Rule Won't Work On Your Ex

748 thoughts on “When NOT To Use The No Contact Rule On Your Ex Boyfriend”

Madison

January 30, 2020 at 11:33 pm

Hi there, my fiancé broke up with me about a month ago. Unfortunately I did beg and plead and act very needy and desperate about the whole situation, and I know that he felt it was all too much. He has said that he wants and needs space and he does not want a relationship right now because there’s too much going on and he does not see us getting back together in the future. He broke up primarily because of mental health problems as well as stress from work and family. I was just wondering, if I start the no contact rule today, will it still work because he is the one that has Chosen to have complete space and distance from me right now, and he unfriended me on Facebook and wants nothing to do with me. Will the no contact rule still get the point across since he Has been very clear that that’s what he wants anyways at this point? Will it really be proving anything to him since it’s what he wants? Will he still have that fear of losing me even if he told me that he wants space for me? Thank you

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 12, 2020 at 8:56 pm

Hey Madison, No contact is definitely the best way forward and taking that time to work on yourself. Even though your ex asked for space he is not going expect you to not reach out to him at all for the next 30 days.

Anonymous

January 28, 2020 at 7:29 pm

My boyfriend and I were only together for about 3 months, which I know doesn’t seem like a long time. From the very beginning though, we were head over heels for each other, we couldn’t get enough. It was like we had finally found the person we’d both been looking for. He absolutely felt the same way too. I’ve got really bad history with men, always being cheated on, lied to, used. Which started to cause problems in our relationship. I had a hard time trusting him, even though he never did anything to make me doubt him. I started running away easily, and pushing him away. I broke up with him over something really stupid, my fears got the best of me, and I just broke his heart. He was devastated. I regretted the break up pretty much immediately, and we got back together. But after that, he didn’t really seem to feel the same about me as he did before, and we started fighting a lot. Starting the cycle of breaking up and getting back together. He’s not perfect by any means, but I know that I screwed up repeatedly in our relationship. I love him very much, but don’t know how to handle my fears and concerns of being hurt or left again. A little over a week ago we had gotten into another bad fight, and I ended it. I didn’t know what else to do. But then of course I regretted it, and tried reaching out to him, only to get very negative responses from him. He seems to be completely done. He has done a soft block from what I can tell. I tried reaching out for 4 days, and just made a complete fool out of myself. I acted like a total spazz trying to get him to talk to me. Today is my 5th day of no contact. I want to give this man some peace, I don’t want to make his life miserable. But I also know that if I can work on my issues, he is my person. I start therapy today, so I’m taking a big step to try to get this worked out. I’m confused about how to handle things though, because obviously I’ve pissed him off to the point where he wants nothing to do with me, so NC seems like the right thing. But since I’m the one that technically ended it, NC might not be the best answer? I’m not sure. His happiness is most important to me, so if I need to just move on, I will work on that. I just can’t stand that I pushed away the most incredible man I’ve ever met. He deserves so much better than what I gave him, but I want to be the person that gives him all those things. I’m so lost right now.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 7, 2020 at 8:20 pm

Hey there so I get why people think they shouldn’t do no contact when they ended things but you do need to follow the no contact rule. Mainly to give you both the space to have time to deal with your emotions and think about what you want for yourselves. So follow the process and stick with it

Ann

January 22, 2020 at 11:16 pm

We (both previously married and long divorced) dated for two months, lots and lots in common, many of same values…he was a gentleman in so many ways. He asked me if I would ever want to get married again to which I said yes, eventually. About a month ago he started to act aloof. Asked if he still wanted to date (he said yes and that we would talk about our relationship). We never did talk about it as he said he wasn’t quite ready to. Wished him a merry Christmas and that I understood we were at two different places in our relationship. He quickly responded Merry Christmas and that he would reply in more detail to my comments on our relationship, but he never did. On 1/9/20, I texted him to invite him to grab a quick bite to eat as friends. He texted me back promptly to say that I was a very kind person and an amazing woman. And that he has some issues that he did not want to drag me into.
On 1/13/20 I texted him to invite him to go grab dinner on the 16th, but he had to work that night and that maybe we could try another night (he works several evenings a week until 8:30-9:00). Told him “that’s too bad” and I wished him well. He apologized that he had to work. So I replied with my last text to him, saying that he could let me know when he knew his schedule better and that I would be happy for us to plan a time to eat dinner that worked for both of us. That evening I started NC.
He texted me last night that he was saying hi and asked me how I was. Keep doing the NC? 21 or 30 days? Thank you for any insight you can provide.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 23, 2020 at 10:29 am

Hey Ann I would do the 30 days NC just because of the recent interactions being you asking him to meet etc. Spend some time focusing on yourself and learning to show yourself love and build your confidence, be open to casually dating too

Elly

January 21, 2020 at 6:35 pm

I was with my boyfriend for just four months. We had a lovely time together, had loads in common, children the same age and similar relationship experiences. He never cancelled on me and always went out of his way to come and see me and plan nice things. He seemed super attentive and into me. I thought things were moving maybe a bit too quickly but he treated me so well and I loved his company. It was a normal relationship. I’m 47 (he’s 51) and divorced and also had a 6 year relationship which was totally dysfunctional so I have to admit I found being treated so well quite hard to deal with at first. My friend died just before Christmas, I was totally stressed out with work and my daughter who is quite difficult and I was suffering from insomnia. I didn’t really talk to him about any of this as previous partners never listened to me or were supportive in that way, so I stupidly assumed he wouldn’t understand either. I Ended the relationship with him and regretted it instantly. He took it very well and he suggested we met for a drink where I tried to explain that I’m quite guarded because of previous bad relationships and I hadn’t meant to be distant and push him away. I asked him to reconsider and think about giving us a proper chance. The next day he messaged me and said that he really just wants to be on his own for a while. He did say several times that he really thought an awful lot of me and reiterated that he doesn’t want to lose contact with me. I messaged him after 13 days, just to see how he was and to tell him that I miss him and think about him a lot. We exchanged some very nice messages and he said he may regret it himself, but time on his own is what he needs right now as he hasn’t been single for a long time and it’s much needed time out. When he met me he said he’d been out of a four year relationship for two months but I recently found out it was only about a month, if that, although he said it was over long before they split. It’s been a week since we messaged. I’ve decided to leave him to it if time on his own if what he wants. I don’t see how doing no contact will get him back if being on his own is what he feels he wants and needs. And he’s Probably just saying keep in touch to be nice. As it was such a short relationship I think he’ll just move on and forget about me. I do believe he cares about me but I broke trust. It’s such a shame that I didn’t realise how much I care about him until I made the utterly stupid mistake of assuming he wouldn’t Understand about my problems and ending our relationship. I’m so sad and upset and angry with myself.
Dalia

January 20, 2020 at 6:01 pm

Hi Chris and Shaunna,
My partner (30) of almost 7 years just broke up with me (27) and I would be really grateful for a word of advice. He’s from Australia, I’m from Europe, we started living together 6 years ago but have also been long-distance multiple times due to my career. Overall, he’s been incredibly supportive and considerate, we pretty much never fought and I thought our relationship was solid, despite some difficulties. I just came back to him to Australia 3 weeks ago, after being apart for 8 months (our longest time LD). Although we’ve both been pretty unhappy for the past 2 weeks and not communicating well with each other, this breakup came out of the blue for me. We had never communicated about our issues or tried to resolve them together, so I’m baffled he decided to give up so abruptly, not wanting to give it another chance. He said we periodically have ‘bad’ times, and drift apart, after which we temporarily fix things by putting more effort into the relationship (without communicating about it), which works for a while, but in the end the same thing keeps happening again (It’s true). He said we have grown apart too much while I was away for 8 months and that we’re not able to communicate/have fun anymore, and that he doesn’t want to pursue this anymore.

He was supportive even during the breakup, staying with me while I cried, asked questions and pleaded for hours, before going to sleep at a friend’s place. He’ll be back at our place tomorrow to return the car and I don’t know how I should act. Of course, I’m done with the begging. I would prefer to move out quickly to give us both space to think (and to work on being ungettable!), but I don’t know if I should do No Contact? If not, how should I interact with him? I’m afraid it is a lost cause, since he’s the type of person that can keep silent for ages and is very good at distracting his thoughts. Also, I don’t have any other business here in Australia, so if I stay too long, it’ll be obvious that I’m hoping for something (but if I go back to Europe, there will be no return).

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 22, 2020 at 7:23 pm

Hey Dalia, so yes you should do No Contact but if you share a living space then you need to do limited no contact where you act as polite and emotionally controlled when you see him and have to speak to him about the shared living space. As for staying in Aus, I suggest that you work and spend some time with friends around the area that you are and see how things develop. Even if he does keep silent for 30 days you can reach out to him via text and be friendly to see what sort of response you get, make sure you work on yourself and start focusing on how to be happy in life without him and start dating casually too showing you are not hanging around hoping to get him back, just living your life down there before moving back up to EU

Gem

January 19, 2020 at 7:40 pm

Hi there, so this was the first break up between me and my guy. We were together for 4 1/2 years, we were talking about moving country together and so on. We didn’t fight alot, nor did we possess toxic traits. I’m just so confused on what to do now. The above states I probably shouldn’t use the no contact rule if the relationship has been lengthy and successful. I mean, by no means were we perfect, but we weren’t horrible together either, and everyone loved us. If I don’t use the NC rule, how will I initiate the process of getting him back ? I’ve tried using it, but I’ve broken it a few times this week, because we lived together and needed to talk about how we will divide the items in our house. Or he just keeps coming over for his stuff. Could someone please guide me in the right direction ? Its been a week since our break up.. should I give him more space then ? Then follow your texting guides/videos? Just any help would be greatly appreciated, thanks so much!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 22, 2020 at 2:43 pm

Hey Gem, so yes you need to give them space this is why we do No contact, during which time you can work on yourself, get over the break up and the upset of everything that has happened and plan your first few texts. Where he gets time to understand his emotions, start to wonder why you are not reaching out to him, and starts to miss you just in time for you to reach out.

Sienn

January 18, 2020 at 2:42 pm

Hello
I hope i’ll get an answer here,
4 years ago i met a boy and we were in a relationship for 2 years, i was 25 and he 26, all was fine and we didn’t have serious problem, we started to talk about marriage till he suddenly migrated to another country and long distance relation didn’t work for us and we broke up after a while. But we were in touch all the time for 2 years and kept our memories and pictures and everything
Till 8 month ago that i migrated to that country also, we started dating but both of us were kind of angry about past and he was hot and cold and i wasn’t patient, so we started to fighting several times and last time i blocked him for 2 weeks and after when i start to talk with him he was angry but we wanted to make it right till i found out he is meeting someone, after several days he said i wanted to move on to ur place and live with u but because of differences and fights that we had we have to break up, i spoke to him but he said he feels insulted and he had enough which i think the main reason was that new girl, so we broke up and after 1 month i texted and he was too mean to me and he said he moved on, then again after 2 month i texted that we have a little party he can join with our mutual friends and he said im not interested and after a while he and that girl started to private any social media activities and now i dont know if they are dating or not, and from a friend i found out that he was dating that girl last year also but for a couple of months and nothing got serious, and the girl is really different from me and him, she is 7 or 8 year smaller too.
Everyone who knows us are saying that girl cannot be compared to me from appearance to manner and it’s odd that he is dating her (im not sure they are still do or not) and almost all of friends saying that we will end up together, but what should i do? And do u think there is a chance?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 18, 2020 at 10:30 pm

Hi Sienn, it is so upsetting knowing your ex is with someone else and I really do feel for you. However there is something we call the being there method that you can use when following this program, but first you MUST complete a No Contact where you are working on yourself and getting over the break up and your ex so that you can be happy again. If you click on this link you can read about the being there method ready for when it is time to reach out to your ex. https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-win-back-an-ex-who-is-with-someone-else/

Unknown

January 15, 2020 at 1:01 pm

Hi my ex dumped me out the blue after 4 years together & this was our first break up, he did change alot over the last few months we where together & I expect he’s a fearful avoidant we have been broke up 10 weeks now & he’s made zero effert to communicate but does reply coldy If I msg him, I’m finding it hard to not keep in touch it’s been 1 week no contact what’s your advice ? Thanks

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 16, 2020 at 10:30 pm

Definitely stick to No Contact this time and do not reach out at all because he needs to feel the loss, all you are doing is reassuring him that you are there waiting for him and holding on to hope that you are going to get somewhere with him. Read as many articles from this website and apply the information to your life and your situation. Not reaching out to your ex for a long period of time is going to also give your ex a chance to start missing you as you said you were together for four years, thats going to be a long time before he doesn’t miss you and your company.

Kristin Jarrell

January 12, 2020 at 8:32 am

He broke up with me for a girl and if I do 30’days no contact that will be valentines and he’ll have a romantic date with her.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 13, 2020 at 11:51 pm

Think of it this way, it is just another day! It is not relevant in the long haul of things. Do No Contact and follow the program, besides even if you dont they could still end up on a date. So just have faith in yourself that you are strong enough to do this

Madison

January 8, 2020 at 8:26 pm

Me and my boyfriend of 2 years broke up, I cheated on him about 6 months ago, after he found out we still tried to work things out for that time but 2 weeks ago he broke up with me because of that and because of the constant arguing. He told me that he kissed someone after our breakup and I drunk texted him on New Years asking why he had to go kiss her and basically made a fool out of myself and he blocked me. I want him back. All my friends seem to think he will miss me as long as i continue to use the NC rule. He told me he wasn’t happy anymore and doesn’t want to ever get back together. I’m still blocked but only on one social media. i’ve been doing the no contact rule for about 8 days now, i’m wondering how long I should continue and how to start contact after?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 14, 2020 at 6:16 pm

Hi Madison, so all that information is on this website where you can work out how long you need to do No Contact for. And when it is over what it is you need to do on your first reach out text. So, read some more articles on this page and see what you can find, I suggest that you do a minimum of 45 days No Contact because of the fact you went off on him for kissing someone else enough for him to block you.

Jane

January 7, 2020 at 11:24 pm

Hi there,
My ex bf broke up with me just 3 days ago. It was kind of sudden. We are long distance for most of the year and go to different schools but have been dating for 2+ years and have done extremely well in visiting each other and overall communication about where we both were during different phases of the relationship. Because his decision seemed sudden, I reached out to him yesterday to meet up and talk (for my clarity). He was not opposed and we actually had a very amicable conversation where he explained that he does still have feelings and loves me and still sees his best friend in me but he needs space because he has been realizing that he was spending too much time doing things to make me happy without thinking about himself. We both spoke of how we thought this was it and were so happy with each other. I understand he needs space and didn’t argue the break up but still told him that I have a lot of faith in us and he promised to reach out if his feelings were still there once he had some time alone. He still wants to be friends but right now, I can’t speak to him. I know I should do some amount of no contact but don’t know how long considering the fact that he explained his feelings are still there but he just needs some time. He is taking his mcat in 2 weeks and i know that is creating more stress right now. Should i wish him goodluck? In a month it will be his bday, do i wish him then? How do I go about the no contact while still remaining in his mind enough for him to not lose the feelings.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 11, 2020 at 4:57 am

So based on how relaxed your break up appeared with out the upset and arguing. You could do a 21 day NC giving that you do the work on your Holy Trinity during that time really well! As in focus and work it. If you are in no contact during his birthday, you do not reach out what so ever. You make him worry that he is losing you by doing this

Amber

January 6, 2020 at 8:29 am

Hey guys!
I just need an answer because I have been researching for hours now and don’t understand what to do. My ex broke up with me a month ago and he was really sure he wanted to too like I knew it was over. Then the next day I texted him about having a break instead and he accepted and then we went on 3 amazing dates then he said he loves me at the last one. Then a couple days after he said he was not interested anymore due to my attitude changing over time compared to when we first met to something he can’t be happy around. So now we broke up again which was 10 days ago. Within these 10 days we talk constantly, were each others #1 best friend on social media (meaning we chat to eachother the most). We have hung out at a social gathering and another time after and got lunch together and chat for 3 hours about life. I could tell he wasn’t interested in me in a romantic way but he makes it seem like he wants to genuinely hang out. So we’re friends. Now that I’m in this situation idk if I been friend zoned and after all this talking and everything it’s a great situation for no contact? I feel as if it’s rude to cut him off completely right after talking to him just then for 3 hours in person about life? Can I still do no contact or have I gone too far and it’s over?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 8, 2020 at 10:56 pm

Hi Amber, so you have placed yourself in the friendzone by being his friend straight after a break up. Hes told you he does not have romantic feelings for you and he is seeing you as a friend. So you need to change that, you need to pull away from the friendship, spend some time on yourself to get over the initial break up and then start dating other guys casually without getting into anything serious. This is going to reach your ex through social media and mutual friends that you are moving on with your life, he is going to see that others see you in a romantic way. Then when you start talking to him again you need to appear mysterious, you need to have little time to chat because you have to go somewhere with “a friend” and then when you reach a point you are confident you are going to be able to control your emotions and have meet ups, always have those meet ups in settings that could be seen as romantic

Blair

December 31, 2019 at 2:11 am

Hi this is Blair again.
My bf broke up with me a week ago, that day was really nasty, he was being very panic. After three days, we met up and he apologized to me, told me he felt really badly what happened that day breaking up is very bout of the blue.
Yet he still thinks that we should break up, bc our relationship moved too fast for him that he cannot give a person that much love right now.(he has relationships problem with people) he said he need time to process everything.
He also mentioned that he really wants to remain friends after a period of time, (we skipped friendship part in the beginning) so that we can restart and see do we really fit each other.
Here’s the thing, he said: “maybe we should not text each other as much as before for one or two months, or I’ll never move on.”
Does NC rule work when he said that? Bc it seems that he wants to do nc rule too….

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 3, 2020 at 6:03 am

Hey Blair, yes it can still work giving that you do the work to become Ungettable in that time and use social media to show how much you’re progressing in your life without your ex around

Sarah

December 30, 2019 at 9:46 pm

My ex broke up with me after 8 months together after I got annoyed at him for cancelling seeing me for a fifth time because someone had asked him to do somthing to help them that day. This was arond my birthday and he was trying to please everyone but at the expense of us. He had just started a new job and moved to a new flat after having to stay with his parents during a few months training for the new job. He text me to say he couldnt do it anymore and it was too hard and blocked me days before our disagreement he had still been making plans for me for things to do when he was free from work. A few days later he unblocked me and told me he couldnt see a time when it would be convinient for us and we were bettet off as friends for now. He has since sometimes been replying to my texts and other times completly ignoring me.
Katie

December 27, 2019 at 11:47 pm

Hi,

Me and my ex split up 8 days ago. We had been together 3.5 years. Our relationship had a lot of fighting. It is the first we have split up. However, the split was really amicable.

He had been living at my parents with me and his dog in one room which definitely strained things. He went from a long relationship to this one quickly also. His reason was he needs time on his own for a while to get his own place sorted, for me to work out what I want. Initially at the break up he was really upset saying loads of times it’s not permanent, even to my family. A few days later he said he “doesnt want a relationship right now, doesnt know when he will be ready and he cant tell me to wait around so if I want to move on I can.” But he has also mentioned that people break up and get back together all the time. So he is open to it.

He had come over on Christmas day to see my family, we got on very well, chatted after he said the same as above. At that point, I sent him a quick text just saying if he needs anything he knows where I am. I haven’t contacted him since, it’s been 2 days. He has sent me 2 snapchats, related to the dog. Both on the first day.

I am unsure if to follow NC as it was a friendly split, he has admitted he might get back just not now, it’s our first break up and I do care about the dog also. I dont know if he will contact me, possibly but he might respect that I want space. I wouldnt contact him first just curious that if he contacts me, do I respond?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 30, 2019 at 3:28 pm

Hi Katie do not respond and keep to a no contact even though your break up was civil you do not want your ex to think you are sat there waiting for him to come back, you need to give him the silence to make him miss you and worry that you are moving on with your life

Blair

December 23, 2019 at 3:17 pm

Hello, I really need advice
We’ve been dating almost a year.
My bf broke up with me couple days ago, bc I fight him with the same issue again and again…(about his ex). He is very sorry that he fucked up in the beginning. He didn’t cheat on me it’s just something about trust and moving on the past. That day we were going to have sweet date but I mentioned that again and I was crying and a little bit overreacted.
He said we should break up bc this problem seems that can never be fixed. He was very emotional and said a lot to hurt me, like I love you but I’m not in love with you, I don’t want to marry you, This is just best friend love bla bla bla.
The most hurt part is, I can truly feel that he loves me a lot but he said this is not romantic love….or wife love at that day…
How can be those feeling are fake???
I can’t tell he was just too angry or he really feels like that.
But today he sent me msg that he hopes me doing well and he’s here if I want to talk. Should I reply to him?? Or stop contact with him at least a week?
This is the first time we broke up, is this situation fit NC rule?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 23, 2019 at 7:16 pm

Hi Blair, so you need to do no contact but it needs to be at least 30 days not a week!! Work on yourself in that time and reach out as a friend when your 30 days are up to try and re connect friendly do not bring up the past and you need to work on your insecurities and trust issues so that you do not throw his ex in his face if he has done nothing wrong

Lucy

December 17, 2019 at 7:04 am

Help! I need advice… My boyfriend dumped me 8 weeks ago because he said we were drifting, we were together on/off 2 years. We were on good terms when he first dumped me, it wasn’t nasty between us at all, we still spoke almost everyday and were still sleeping together.
Then he came back 2 weeks later and said he’s so confused and missed me and us and we’d try work it out. 2 weeks after that we had a really bad fight over the phone and he hung up on me. I was so hurt and upset, I sent him this really nasty text message saying I was fed up and done with him, I told him to stay out of my life for good and called him all the names in the book. I didn’t mean any of it, I was just angry. We didn’t talk for a week and then I messaged saying I was sorry and I didn’t want to be done I wanted him back.
He shut me down straight away and said now he was done. He said it’s different now and we couldn’t come back from this. I did exactly what you’re not meant to do and begged and pleaded for him to take me back and that I was so sorry. It’s been 3 weeks since this and we’ve spoken maybe once a week since then and I have initiated it each time and he’s been quite nasty, saying that I wanted this and he doesn’t feel the same anymore and he just wants to move on.

I miss him so much but I feel like he’s punishing me. Our relationship had been rocky in the past but never this bad and the last 7 months we were in such a good place. Planning to move in together and booking holidays, we still have a joint account together. I just want him back.
Is it too late to do the no contact rule on him? It’s been 4 weeks since I sent that message and 3 weeks since he said he wants nothing to do with me. He is just so so angry and refuses to speak to me.
Please help !!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 22, 2019 at 10:26 am

Hi Lucy, so giving that you were really angry and hurtful he is going to be hurt for now so this is why you need to do a no contact for 30 days minimum maybe 45 depending on how well you do the ungettable girl work during the 30 days. Let him be hurt and let him get over what you said in his own time. The positive is that you are a on and off again relationship your chances of getting him back are good, staying together is where you need to work on things. You keep breaking up for a reason, you need to find out what it is and face that issue so it does not happen again if you are to get him back this time.

Lorna

December 12, 2019 at 7:50 am

Great website! Does this work with men who won’t commit to you?
I started seeing a man for 4 months and about a month in he told me he didn’t see himself getting serious because he doesn’t see himself marrying me (getting married is what he says his goal is) and there is an age difference between us, he is younger but I’m not that old that i couldn’t give him a family. He still wanted to be friends. We are very attracted to eachother and share common interests as well as an emotional bond although he has so many walls up with everyone and doesn’t trust people in general. He avoidant and has an idealized idea of the perfect woman and finds faults in previous women he dated and i stupidly thought he would see how great i am and stuck around.

He said he was fine not sleeping together but then would still try his luck. We stopped sleeping together for a bit but then started again. He hasn’t been sleeping with other women as i knew where he was most of the time and I trust he was honest with me but i know he is on dating apps more recently and doesn’t want to be monogamous because he is looking around for something serious elsewhere.

In that time together we both became the other persons closest friend and would see eachother once a week, we even went away together. He would fluctuate between being cold on dates to the point where it would be dismissive and other times holding my hand and being affectionate.
I got a bit demanding of attention at one point then took a step back and so did he. Since then he tried to make same day plans only and i started to feel deprioritized so I kept saying no to seeing him. Our last date we planned in advance and it felt very connected and was great as we hadn’t seen eachother for a bit even though we talk a lot. He was very affectionate.

The next week he didn’t follow through with making plans with me ahead of time even though he said we would hang out but still asked me for a favour that week and I decided i could no longer be a placeholder and that I allowed him to settle into a comfort zone. I called him and we had a nice talk where he pretended he was ok with me taking a step back but I think he was hurt I was leaving. I said i couldn’t continue sleeping with him if we weren’t monogamous and when he said he wanted to be friends and sees me as a good one i told him it was too hurtful for that now and that I’m not sure how i will feel in a while. I told him if he really needs me (he has been depressed this last month) then he could still reach out if he isn’t ok. We left it at that, saying we will see who reaches out first and go from there.

I’m two weeks into no contact. He sent me a cute animal video last week which I ignored and I believe it was to test my boundaries as they were loose before. When i stopped viewing his instagram stories he stopped viewing mine and immediately unfollowed me the other day after I posted a feed post.

I’m worried that he will feel betrayed as he is so mistrustful of people and that he won’t want to talk to me after no contact. Also i fear if i do reach out he will think i just want to be friends again and could try and string me along. I don’t know if no contact is worth it or if it’s so unlikely in these situations that I should move on and save myself future rejection, even though I love him. Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 15, 2019 at 7:21 pm

Hi Lorna, so as hard as this may be to understand to get a man to commit to you is to make him see that you are appealing to other men, so complete your no contact and work on building your confidence up and start looking at dating new men. Not committing to anyone but casually dating to make your ex see that you are desirable to others, and when he sees that there is a chance that you could meet someone else and not be there waiting for him to commit to you. Read about what it means to be the Ungettable girl and strive towards your version of that

Madison

December 8, 2019 at 11:10 pm

Hi, I recently broke up with my ex 3 months ago. after my 2 months of finding myself. I have cheated before like in year 1. Fast forward 3 years later and engaged I broke up with him. During this break, I had sexual encounters with someone else. Then I told him about because I thought weren’t getting back together. Well, Now that I want him back he is talking to someone new and has made a connection with her with similar interests. I was just wondering if I should do the no contact rule? If yes, How long?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 9, 2019 at 5:59 pm

Hi Madison, so yes you need to do a no contact rule. And in that time you need to read about the being there method so that you can prepare yourself to deal with anything that may develop with this new person

Madison

December 8, 2019 at 11:04 pm

Hi, I just bought your ebook. Well, my story is that I broke up with him because I wanted to find myself. Found out all I really wanted was him. We were engaged when I broke up with him. One of the biggest mistakes of my life. So I have cheated on him one like 3 years ago. We moved on from that, well when we were on our break on told him that I was with a guy sexually and he freaked out. Well, when I wanted him back he was already talking to another girl. They seem to have a lot of things in common. I just wanted to know do I do the no contact rule? If so, how long should I do that? I’m scared that he is going to move on

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 8, 2019 at 11:12 pm

Hi Madison, so you need to do No Contact and it needs to be 30 days minimum, even if he is getting to know another woman you need to show your ex that you are the best version of yourself, read up about the Ungettable Girl

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