Learn When The No Contact Rule Won't Work On Your Ex

748 thoughts on “When NOT To Use The No Contact Rule On Your Ex Boyfriend”

Audrey

December 7, 2019 at 1:23 am

Hi Chris,
So me and my ‘bf’ broke up, we have been ‘together ‘ for just about 3 months then he loses his feelings for me i was really dumb i did no contact for 3 days and he texted me and we chatted cassually he then regained his feelings for me tho i am still pretty scared so for the last months i have been pushing his away hot and cold said i wanted to be friemds and then freak out if he agrees i’m scared to get intimate with him because i’m scared of gettung hurt, now he lost his feelings for me again, i loved him like this its really scary to be fair i was crazy i would say lets not talk anymore then we won’t talk
then i’ll reach out we never talk cassually that much because well i was obsessed i decided to stick with my guts and stayed no contact with him for as long as i need its been 5 days and well he haven’t talked to me i decided to block him cause i have soo many issues i need to fix it first but i’m scared he’ll be ok without me, he usually texts me every week he never actually commit tho maybe i was too insane but apparently he has girls too he was trying to explore? Idk, but he told me he never felt this way before and while he was with someone he said that he wants to be with me after her and stay with me? This was before any of this mess, oh and recently before i went completely insane with him he saod he miss me i played it cool amd ask if he wants me to move on and he said yes and then again i went insane with him and now i think he is back with his ex i confonted him and he said yes and i played it cool for a moment until he could tell i am ipset and said “don’t do that, lets just talk it out right now” I said “no, don’t want to amd i need a few months time” I previously said i need time to and he still concats me but now he doesn’t, is it hopeless? Can i still get him back?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 9, 2019 at 4:40 pm

Hi Audrey so it sounds like you have blown hot and cold too many times so what you need to do is complete a proper No Contact for 30 days minimum but the more times you break it the less effective it is. So stick with it this time. Then reach out to him as a friend and start rebuilding your connection slowly

Remy

December 3, 2019 at 6:39 am

Hi. So I have had a problem where I tend to “freak out” on my ex as he says it. I have anxiety and especially when it comes to him not wanting to take another chance with me I get major panic attacks. Usually in those moments I tend to text a lot or call and try to get any response if he stops responding. Or yelling and getting more angry than I should in person. Which the last two cases have lead to me getting blocked. I have already done the no contact rule once. Sent the letter and got a positive response. Talked a small amount went out with him one night and he wanted to get back together right away. Then decided he wanted to focuse on himself. Then wanted to be with me again but this time he tested me. He told me the girl he was talking to asked him out and they are together now and wants me to respect that. Up till then I was doing good on the not arguing and not freaking out. But then I completely lost my composure and went into a full blown panic attack. I asked a crap ton of questions and kept pushing about stuff then he told me it was just a test and we argued. And then he stopped answering me. The next day I tried to get him to answer. Many texts, a couple of calls, even used my old Instagram account to try to reach out to him. He blocked me on everything about 2 days ago. I honestly don’t know what to do from here. I told myself and him that I would stop acting like that. I don’t like when I do it either, just as much if not more than him. But idk when I should try to contact him again and what to say where I already used the elephant in the room letter. Where I’m blocked i know I’ll have to do another letter but I’m afraid hell just toss it out and say yeah you’ve said that before. I just don’t know where to go from this point. Please help, I’m so afraid I’ve completely messed everything up and have absolutely no chance now…

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 6, 2019 at 7:30 pm

Hi Remy, so I advise that you do NOT send a letter this time, I suggest that you actually leave him alone and take some real time in No Contact where you work on yourself, because sadly it seems you have not done so. You need to learn how to control your emotions, and learn how to work through panic attacks, there is help with this so going to speak to your doctor about how the attacks come on and they should refer you to someone who can teach you to not let it take over. While you do not take REAL action to change this behavior I’m afraid you won’t get your ex back and you will do this to the next person you meet too as you are not working through your emotional issues.

Donnah

December 2, 2019 at 9:11 am

Hi Chris, I have been in a relationship with this guy for about 6 years. In the first 3 years, we were all over each other and then we started getting differences, he told me he a kid and he’s a moslem.i started losing interest but I loved him cause he’s a good guy and he respected me. He were still looking our ways of making a living, I had just finished compas trying to look for a job and I started giving him less time, so recently he came to and told me he’s been seeing someone that beaches I wasn’t giving him time, I told me he was sorry but it seemed he wasn’t really sorry cause after telling me, I needed my time a lone to process all the information, in that period he went back to that girl when I confronted him, he told me he has lost Interest in me , that we should break up. Actually he wanted us to stay friends. I also told him to that’s break up and stop talking also. But deep down am hurt, I miss him, I fell like am losing vthe love if my life, I feel he’s lost. Do you think the no contact rule will make realize his mistakes and comes back to me? Cause even when he was cheating, he never stopped telling me how he was going to marry me

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 4, 2019 at 9:29 pm

Hi Doonah, stick to No Contact and take some time for yourself and think about if you can trust him and see a future with him after cheating. If you can then you need to read about being ungettable and the being there method

Leah

November 28, 2019 at 8:44 pm

Hey Chris I dunno if you can help me but I’ve been broken up from my partner for 8 months we’ve kept in contact because of our child and have tried on few occasions to make us work and his always like this isn’t going to work after like a week but this time we lasted a month and now his telling me he needs to focus on himself so I suggested the no contact rule and he agreed but am I to late to save our relationship after 3 1/2 years and 4/5 months of being engaged?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 28, 2019 at 9:11 pm

Hi Leah, so it isnt too late to give this a go but you are going to have to be so strong and strict with yourself keeping to No Contact (limited where you are allowed to discuss your child if it is about shared responsibilities etc) You need to do some work to show him how you are still the woman he fell for and that you are also not sat on the sidelines waiting for him. Which at this point he knows he can have you back anytime he wants from you asking him to try to make it work a few times. So read up on this website about the program and how to follow it. There are also articles when you share a child here too that can be helpful

Sandy

November 22, 2019 at 2:24 am

Hey Chris. I read so many of your articles and watched your videos, I hope I can get a response on here. My ex and I are both in our 40‘s. We only dated 4 weeks. We had an instant connection and he wanted to be in a relationship after only 2 weeks. He said he was falling for me (which- according to him never happens. He is the typical bachelor). Shortly after he became very jealous for no reason. We talked about it and everything seemed fine but he stopped making me a priority. After I „complained“ about it, he gave me the silent treatment and I broke up with him, sending him a friendly text, explaining what I wanted from a relationship and that I didn’t think he was ready for it. He didn’t respond. After 10 days I asked for my stuff back. He said he would get back to me but he never did. I’m not sure what to do. You mentioned that the „dumper“ shouldn’t do NC. Do I even have a chance to get him back after only dating him for a few weeks? Thank you for your help!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 24, 2019 at 12:03 am

Hey Sandy you will definitely give yourself your best chance if you follow the program even though you only dated for a few weeks it just means your no contact only needs to be 21 days and you can reach out as a friend first and try to rebuild your connection with your ex. Good Luck

Kassandra

November 21, 2019 at 9:25 pm

A long-distance thing developed when I reconnected with an old friend this summer. We realised we had secret/repressed crushes on each other many years ago when we were at university together. I think that’s why very intense feelings developed very quickly this summer. We live in different European countries. By coincidence I was supposed to visit his country for a business trip this autumn. The plan was to meet and potentially start something. About 6 weeks before we were supposed to meet, he “broke things off” with me. His reason was that things developed too quickly and that he was confused. He didn’t want to put our friendship at risk by being intimate with me. But two days before the break up, both of us confirmed that things were getting more serious than we intended. We were texting each other, so I am not imagining this. With the break up, I asked him if he wanted some distance and if we should have no contact for a while. He didn’t want to have no contact with me and insisted that he still wanted to see me as we had planned, but only as friends. We kept in contact. Three weeks after he “broke up” with me, I asked him why he’d become so distant if we’re still friends. I was continuing the chattiness as we had it before because this is what he said he wanted. He replied saying that all of his feelings for me were gone; this is 3 weeks post-break up. I found it hard to believe that such a deep connection was suddenly gone. I asked him again if he wanted distance and he said no – we’re just friends, we should keep texting and he still wanted to meet me.
Two weeks later, I did something really stupid. I wrote a message to say that I couldn’t be friends with him after what happened this summer. I told him that I’d unfriend/unfollow everything on social media. I bid him farewell. I regretted it immediately. I frantically re-established contact and wrote him an email saying that I made a big mistake. I think when he saw my farewell message, he blocked me on WhatsApp and social media (because I asked him to do it for us, but then I did it!). But then he replied to my email a couple of hours after. He sounded upset and angry, which is understandable. He said he needed some distance and that he’d get to me when he’s ready. I replied the next morning saying I’d wait for him. Then, when the date we were supposed to meet finally approached, I broke the no contact rule (did I?) and emailed him to ask if he’d still like to meet because I was travelling to his country. I said I’d like to honour our meeting because even he said post-break up he wanted to see me. I suggested we should just we meet for dinner, talk and try to move on from what happened this summer. He replied to my email, sounding like his old self again. But he was quite vague, saying we’d not meet this time around and repeated that he’d write to me. I’m really worried because he hasn’t unblocked me on social media yet. It’s clear he needs to limit our contact now. We can only email each other now.
My problem is that I don’t believe his feelings suddenly vanished a few weeks before we were supposed to meet. We were so excited to finally see each other and a very deep connection developed between us this summer, all based on our long-standing friendship. I’m trying very hard to believe him when he says he feels nothing for me because I’d like to take what he says for face value and move on. It’s just difficult if my intuition tells me otherwise. None of my friends – male or female – think that his story makes sense. I don’t understand why he needs so much distance now if he knows that he is the one that initially broke my heart.
What do I do now? It’s now been a month since I did that stupid thing of cutting ties with him. I’d like to trust that he’ll write to me and hopefully soon. He repeated himself with the same wording that he’d get back to me. Knowing him, he’d usually follow through with something like this. But I’m insecure and I’m scared, and I worry that he’ll never write back to me. I don’t want it to be over between us and I don’t want our friendship to be over either. I’ve known him for 20 years and I am scared that this is the end.
We realised this summer that we’re very invested in each other and that a lot of feelings were dormant for many years. What can I do to get him back? I have the feeling there’s still something between us we could save.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 24, 2019 at 6:33 pm

Hi Kassandra, so the way to get him back, or at least give yourself your best chance is learning how the process works and following it. Look up posts about being Ungettable and what the No Contact Rule is

Elly

November 15, 2019 at 5:17 am

My bf broke up with me a month ago wants to be alone and focus on his young kids but he keeps the communication open and actually said “we’re going through this together” so we never lost contact most of the time his the 1st to text and he updates me on the kids which I got attached so much but I want to try this NC rule on him, will it work for him to realize what he really wants?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 18, 2019 at 7:43 pm

Hi Elly, yes it will do the world of good in your situation as the reality is you are not going through this together! You are just helping get on with the situation to feel better. NC him and let him feel the loss of you as you are not going to be able to be his support and his friend if you want to be back with him. Good Luck

Anne

November 7, 2019 at 4:04 am

Hi Chris,
So my boyfriend ended our year and a half relationship suddenly a few days ago. I am trying to figure out how to go about the NC and feel as if the situation falls within a few of the categories you mention in this article. During the relationship we minimally fight over the course of our 5 year friendship and 1.5 year relationship, and this is the first time we’ve broken up (also the first time he has ever mentioned that he wasn’t fully happy during the relationship), but he did mention one of his reasons for wanting to end it was that I liked to talk to him more than he did (I like to talk every day and he rather talk every other day since he hates texting), so I feel like I should also give him space. We are/were long distance and we would see each other in person every other weekend. I also feel like he will most likely not message me first since he is more of a passive person and I ended the final conversation saying we needed to spend time thinking about what it {the breakup} could mean, so he might just wait until I say I’m ready to talk. In this type of situation would you still recommend 30 days? And would you recommend me reaching out to him if he does not at the end of it? Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 8, 2019 at 10:41 pm

Hi Anne yes still do the 30 days NC and when it is over you reach out to him asking for advice on a subject you know he is interested in to get him talkingto you again. This conversation needs to be short and polite it is only opening the window for communication again. Then a few days later you can reach out again short and positive agian and so on until you are talking regularly

Becky

October 29, 2019 at 6:31 pm

Hi Chris,
Here is my situation. My now ex-boyfriend broke up with me a about 5 weeks ago, however we still live together. We were together for 2 1/2 years and lived together 1 1/2 years. I moved 400 miles away to be with him. He says he still loves me and doesnt want this to happen but feels it’s best for both of us due to the amount of fights we have had. He has also said that he is not saying no to getting back together in the future. We briefly spoke about getting some counseling after we get some space a couple weeks ago and he said he would be willing to do so but has not brought anything up since. I am doing my best to stay away and give him some space (no contact while living together) however he seems to be becoming more and more distant and also more angry. His actions are telling me that he really doesnt want this to happen and is trying to force himself to believe this is the right thing for us. I am moving into my own place in a little over 2 weeks which would make 2 months since we broke up. My question is, once I move out do I go no contact again? And if so for how long? We see each other every day but rarely speak currently. If we do it’s very short and to the point. I’m concerned that once I leave the house the time frames for another 30 days no contact will be way too long. I have already made huge strides in correcting the things about myself that he said I need to work on and I think he can see these changes already. I’m just a little confused on what to do once I move out. No contact? Limited contact?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 30, 2019 at 1:16 pm

Hi Becky, so I would add another 21 days – it is a long time but it does give him the chance to miss you when you are gone, I would maybe leave some prints of counselling out on a table or something to show you are making changes but DO NOT TELL HIM just leave them somewhere (table, coffee table) so he will notice that you are working on yourself even if you dont go to therapy it shows change. The fighting you need to find the source of them, why is it that you’ve come to the point or always arguing?

Samantha

October 7, 2019 at 5:02 am

Hi Chris,
My ex boyfriend and I broke up a couple times in the past. One of the times we broke up, I got with someone else as a rebound. He was a friend in college and he was the reason my ex broke up with me in the first place. After about 3 months my ex came back to me and asked me if anything happened while we were broken up and I lied about it. We were dating for about year after that break up and the truth came out. My ex told me he couldn’t date me anymore or stand the fact that I was with someone else (he’s categorizing it as cheating because he told me to stay away from the guy even though we were broken up) he also couldn’t stand that I lied to him for so long. I moved a couple hours away from him in the past year we made it work, always visiting each other and talking every day. We did have our fights but overall we had a great connection, and relationship. It truly felt like we were best friends. I lived with him for the summer, that ended abruptly when he found out. I was and still am very close to his whole family. His mom, brother and cousin still check up on me. Anyways, after he told me I couldn’t stay with him I was staying with my friend for a week and for the first couple days my ex and I were texting as if we were still dating, we saw each other a couple times and hooked up. He was telling me he needed space to see if he could get over it but was still talking to me, calling me hun, babe, etc. then I went out one night with my friends (he’s 19 and I’m 22 and he always hated when I went out) and he didn’t text me for the whole night and the next day he sent me a long paragraph saying how he couldn’t do it anymore. I called him up and we were screaming over the phone at each other and he hung up. We continued texting until he blocked my number. Then I was texting him from texting apps and when he calmed down he unblocked me, for almost a month I was texting him everyday, begging him, telling him the steps I’m taking into changing (I started talking to a therapist, he suggested it) and he just didn’t seem to care. He would always come back with degrading comments and names. I blew up his phone and kept asking him questions like “does it bother you that I keep texting you?” He would say no it doesn’t bother him but on the other hand he would tell me to give him space, but make it seem hopeful that he’ll get over what happened. Then he sent me a text saying he’ll never get over it and he needs to get over this painful part of his life and move on. I have been using the no contact rule but only for 4 days and I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do in this situation, is the space going to confirm his decision because of what happened when we were broken up the last time? I reassured him nothing was going to happen for a very long time but he doesn’t believe me because I lied to him. We also shared a netflix account and he said he was okay with me using it, then when I stopped talking to him for the 4 days he changed the password. Idk if that’s something or I’m just thinking too deep into it. Sorry this is so long, and I appreciate everything you put out there, it’s the reason why I decided to start the no contact rule in the first place, your advice is comforting as well. Thank you for taking the time to read my situation!!!
Jennifer

October 4, 2019 at 8:07 pm

Hello! My ex boyfriend and I were together for 13 years (15-28) and we live together. We’ve had break ups before but the most recent one was last year. Now we’re in another one and it worries me that it is so close together!

He broke up with continued problems from the last break up and feels there is a better fit for us. Said he loves me and could continue but cant because it’s unfair to the relationship when he feels there’s something missing. He enjoys doing creative things and i think he wants someone who will work beside him. This is so important to him because it’s his passion and future career. I enjoy being creative but stride differently. He also said he does not want to date yet but wants us to work on ourselves. But thid could lead to dating others like before and I cant help but think and prepare for this.

We’ve been living together for about a year now (he moved in during the last break up and stayed after) and our relationship was mainly good aside from my own problems of not letting go of the past. I should of looked at thr break up more positively and kept it in the past. I would have fits and make him feel lonely in the relationship. He was very good to me and was incredibly sweet.. we even talked about kids! (This was never an easy topic for him, so that’s huge.)

He gave me confusing signs during this break up… we held hands, cuddled and had sex once, we also slept beside each other. I cried and cried, and pushed to keep talking time after time. Basically pleaded and tried to tell him why we’re good together, tried to hear him tell me something that resonated with “I love you”. I couldnt handle it and freaked out and broke trust, by looking through his phone to find nothing. This resulted in him moving to the couch. So i changed and kept distance for a few days and also stopped hugging him before work, doing certain household chores that dont benefit me (his dishes, his work clothes, cooking for him and packing lunches), not replying right away through messages, avoiding his playful nature that result is horse play or chasing around the house but we still eat together in the living room and draw together. I’ve talked on my own more than i should last night but if i keep it to a minimum… would this be the right approach? None of my friends have had a relationship like we have and we’re not able to live seperately so i want to make a difference by cherishing what i have instead of being upset for what was lost. To show him i’m capable of change but also doing things i said earlier and getting out of the house more often.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 4, 2019 at 9:47 pm

Hi Jennifer, so you need to work on re attracting him – doing this by being secure and confident again. Easy to be around and being the best version of yourself or “ungettable”. But while living together you need to do a Limited NC for a short time. You can’t be his friend if you want him back as a boyfriend.

Izzy

September 24, 2019 at 8:38 pm

Hi guys, so its been a few weeks since my ex and I broke up. He kind of called the shots? But not really? We were fantastic, everything about us meshed perfectly, then I got a weird vibe from him one day. I asked about it and all i got was an “I don’t know how I’m feeling about us”. He recently started college (we broke up like.. 2 weeks into the year. He said that he was having a just having a hard time balancing school and a relationship. So of course, me being me and worrying about his feelings over mine and not wanting to keep him in anything he was unhappy with, I told him that I respected his decision. He said he wanted to end on good terms and stay friends. That was September 6th of this year. Through my wallowing, I starting being more active on social media… posting stories and pictures and what not. One day (last week or so) I noticed that he IS CONSTANTLY one of the first 3 people to look at everything. I want him back . Even though I keep telling myself I don’t, I know I do. I loved his family and I really adored him (right down to how I witnessed someone change an insulin pimp for the first time ever.) We’d only been dating for a few months though… I’ve started conversation a few times. He always responds within minutes. But he never initiates. Im confused as I’m sure this entire paragraph is. I guess I’m just calling for an SOS? A flare in the middle of the night? Is the No Contact method a good idea? Should I keep posting on my social medias to keep his attention?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 26, 2019 at 9:25 pm

Hey Izzy, so YES to the NC because you need to create some mystery about yourself, working on being UG and also YES keep posting great things to social media showing how amazing your life is and all the fun things you’ve been doing recently.

Mia

September 12, 2019 at 11:34 pm

Hi Chris, my ex boyfriend broke up with me late last night over text. He mentioned it a day before at possibly being friends for the time being due to his life becoming overwhelmingly stressful with his family and son. I ended up basically begging him to change his mind and talk to me in person about it as he’d previously stated that we had a lot to talk about….but instead he reiterated his decision and blocked me on snapchat. He has not however blocked me anywhere else as I texted him this morning (no response). For context my ex has been dealing with a lot of terrible things for the majority of our relationship (4 months) but I’ve stood by him and helped him with a lot and he’d constantly tell me how thankful he was to have me during these times. However the past 5 or so days he’s changed, I don’t really know what happened but he began to distance himself to the point where he’d open my messages and not respond. I of course being worried would text and try and call him to see what’s wrong…but to no avail. He tends to distance himself from people when he becomes overwhelmed but we’d talked about this previously and he was trying to stop. During the relationship we rarely fought and were very much into each other, albeit a little jealousy here and there but a healthy loving relationship. I’m really afraid of losing him and want him to work on himself and work on the more important things (as he stated ANY type of relationship is not a priority right now), which I’m trying to respect. I just wish he’d let me help him…he’s grown sort of cold and distant to my advances…I don’t know if I should proceed with the no contact rule or what as we broke up mostly due to his stress level and other minor fixable issues. Just two weeks ago he was telling me how he saw a future with me, so for this to sort of happen out of the blue is just nerve wrecking and makes me wonder just how bad his stress level was getting.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 15, 2019 at 12:52 am

Hey Mia, yes stick to your No Contact, even though there are reason. Give it time and focus on you during your no contact.

Oviya

September 12, 2019 at 1:29 pm

Hi Chris, pls guide me on ur suitable program and help me understand this.
we r frm different country and LDR. He is unable to forget his online ex gf of 2 yrs, who he hasn’t met ever and lives in different city. she has rejected him for marriage citing her parents not agreeing. she refused to meet him directly Whn he travelled to her city to meet her.she gave excuses & remain a mystery. She shares pictures in Whtsapp & chats wt him so he has deep feelings for her though She’s cold in her communication & clear tht nothing going on btw them.
He slowly moved away frm her & got close to me online but propose few times but we age issues. I visited him 3 times in 5 months & got close physically & emotionally. The entire family loves me & wants me to marry him. He’s 38 & I’m 43 and his family wants him to settle soon & they told him to let go of that non existence ex gf occupying his mind.
In July he proposed marriage.After accepting the proposal,he wrote to me saying he can’t go on as he is unable to forget her, don’t love me, if he marry it’s only for marriage sake and he decided not to get married at all ! I was hurt,angry and sad. I knew he had loved me some point & had feelings but it’s not enough to marry because he might have to cut ties wt her & he’s not ready to do tht so I sent him nasty messages for leading me on & hurting me badly and blocked him in WhatsApp. That was 2 weeks ago. I heard frm his cousin,he cried saying he made mistake by flirting & coming into my life bcoz he don’t love me fully & he knows im angry & blocked him & in few months I’ll forget him and get a new person.. ! is this a good sign ? I want him badly and can’t forget him .. do you think I should unblock the WhatsApp but do NC or continue NC while still blocking him.

Shaunna

September 12, 2019 at 7:39 pm

Hi Oviya, I would unblock but stick to your NC until finihsed

Amina

September 12, 2019 at 12:49 pm

Hi Chris, my best friend and I decided to take a step forward and start a relationship. At first it was long distance (coast to coast) but then I moved closer due to work transfer but still, we are about 1.5-2 hours away. It was a great 10 months until he started to pull back and I thought he needed space so I gave him 1 week space of no contact thinking it would do him good since he didn’t answer my call but he broke up with me last weekend. I was blindsided by it all and none of the reasons seem real, just excuses really (I’m not a good bf, you deserve better, I don’t know what I want right now etc) This is the first break up, I haven’t seen another situation where couples were bffs first and became a couple on the site so I wanted to know if the NC should be implemented bc I’ve already started and on day 4. We already said ILY, and he said he wants to still keep in contact and be friends and believe if we were meant to be we will be together again. Within the 10 months we never really fought and if we did it was resolved within 24 hours or within 1-3 hours. Definitely not toxic and we are the opposite sex of each other. I still want him in my life because I still see us growing old together, build a life together as supporting professionals and as partners. Please help! Thank you.

Shaunna

September 12, 2019 at 7:43 pm

Hi Amina, best thing to do is start your NC and let him see what life is like without you. If you want him back as a boyfriend, you can not be his friend right now. Read up on material about NC and being ungettable

Molly

September 6, 2019 at 5:27 am

Hi Chris, thanks for all this great info! I’m planning to buy your ebook shortly — wondering if it covers a situation like this?

We were together for almost 9 years, and he broke up with me 3 weeks ago (no clear reasons – I suspect loss of attraction, plus attachment style conflict – and he revealed he has feelings for a friend) but maintains he has love for me, cares, and wants me in his life (I’m also very connected to his extended family and their kids, so it’s very important to me to keep those lines open). We always got along well and lived together for 5 years, and this is the first time we’ve separated. I’m still in love with him and saw a healthy future for us if we both did the work.

I tried to reason and beg on the first two days, then stopped. He has been pleasant and supportive since, and we caught up in a group and he was friendly and engaged with me. Since then, I saw something online which indicates his connection with this other girl is continuing. In anger, I lashed out at him over text (it was on our would-be anniversary, emotions were heightened). I later briefly apologised and said he won’t hear from me for a little while (this is Brad Browning’s clean slate idea).

Reading your blog now — I see points for NOT doing no contact and some reasons to go ahead with it. I suspect I should commit to NC if he’s emotionally involved with another girl… but if she wasn’t in the picture, I’d think that I shouldn’t in case of it backfiring. Confusing!

Is there anything else I need to consider, or it is covered in the e-book?

Thanks so much for yours and your team’s work.

Chris Seiter

September 6, 2019 at 6:51 pm

Hi Molly…I think the best course of action is to employ No Contact in the way I describe in my Program. It can potentially help with not just creating attraction and making him appreciate more your value, but also with your healing and recovery and personal growth. My “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro Bundle” really has a lot of resources that should help you with optimizing your chances and also feeling better about things.

Amber

September 4, 2019 at 2:27 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex and I have been together for 3 years. We never Last month he broke up with me to be with one of his friends. Our break up wasn’t too bad. He said he loved me and still cared about me and he told me h
Amber

September 4, 2019 at 2:01 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex and I have been together for 3 years. We never fought and he said he was very happy in our relationship. Exactly one month ago he broke up with me to be with one of his friends. Our break up wasn’t too bad but i still want him back. When he broke up with me, he said he loved me and still cared about me and he told me he still wanted me to be in his life (as a friend). He and this girl are now together but he has been texting me a few times a week and he still has our pictures on his instagram. I just find it hard to believe he moved on so quickly.
I decided to try out the no contact rule and i’m now on day 6. He texted me once in those 6 days but i didn’t open the message.
Do you think no contact will help here or will it just push him into the other girl’s arms?

Thank you!
– Amber
Zeina

August 27, 2019 at 7:14 pm

Hey my boyfriend dumped me after 6 fabulous months of love and empathy saying that hr cant live with the idea that i easily get angry .. i tried to tell him many times that i’ll work on such weakness but he insisted .. he cried rivers while breaking up with me and thats what made me insisted on trying to comfort him but he said that the break up is thr only solution in his point of view .. i applied the the no contact period for a month nw and we have broke up month and a half ago .. he didnt text or called he even un followed me on instagram?? The weird thing is that while the NC period one of our mutual friends told me he is still crying and he’s lost he dont know what to do .. but despite this fact he didnt try to interact with me by any mean since then .. i dont know what to do .. i admit i got such a weakness but i dont deserve to be dumped for .. this is totally immature
TW

August 4, 2019 at 10:09 pm

My boyfriend of one year broke up with me because we had a few fights over him not spending enough time with me. He works extremely hard, so we only see each other on weekends, and keep texting to a minimal. I started NC 3 days after the breakup (which I didn’t handle very well at first) and lasted for 10 days until he asked for my new phone number. I replied. He also asked “What have you been thinking recently. This question took me 2 days to reply because I needed time to think before saying anything inappropriate. I only replied “Been focusing on my goals. All is well :)” He went completely silent afterwards. I couldn’t help but wonder if not replying promptly has turned him off??! (I waited 48 hrs instead oops…) Would really appreciate it if you could give me some hints about the art of post-breakup texts. Thank you.

Chris Seiter

August 4, 2019 at 11:04 pm

Hi TW….you really should take a look at my eBook “The Texting Bible”. Just go to the Product section and you can pull it up and read about it there

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