Learn When The No Contact Rule Won't Work On Your Ex

748 thoughts on “When NOT To Use The No Contact Rule On Your Ex Boyfriend”

Taiwo oluwatobi

May 2, 2019 at 9:51 pm

I’m a 22yr old student and a photographer. I met my girlfriend around may/June last year, then we spoke and I immediately fell in love with her but she had a boyfriend in another university I was a junior then while she a freshman. Fortunately for me we live in the same hostel.i respected the fact that she was in a relationship so moved closer to her as a friend later I realized she was suffering in her relationship her boyfriend was a cheat
We got closer day by day and I was forced to tell her how I felt after a week we officially started dating so I asked to make sure she had ended things with the other guy. She’s a Muslim I’m a Christian while the other guy happened to be a Muslim. we assured me there was nothing between them anymore only to find out on what’s app after I traveled to another due to school research that she traveled to meet the other guy and used a caption on there picture as ” Allah bless him for me because he’s my hero”……I was worried asked questions but she said we’d talk when I returned.
I returned 3days later only to discover that I’d been fooling myself all along….I ended things with her after 2-3 days but got back again…..she said she loved me but wasn’t sure if her parents would allow her marry a Christian so she decided to do Ishihara (a prayer done in Islam for God’s guidance and direction).
To cut the long story short she was told by her Alfa after the prayer that her cheating boyfriend was the right one for her, she adhered to the advice and we ended things on a bad note then I found your videos on YouTube with I practiced and it worked effectively…..she came back begging for me to take her back.
When we got back I soon realized she met a new who happened to be a Muslim…..she was told that the new was a good match by her new Alfa…..I wasn’t comfortable with him calling her late at night so I decided to end things with her and ignored her for 48 hours she then texted me stating that there was nothing between the both of them anymore two weeks ago I found out while going through her what’s app chat that she and this guy had been chatting…..I got annoyed and ended things with her but I tried to change her mind in my little way…..she told me that her dad has insisted in Paris that she would marry a son of his Christian friend but her mom says otherwise …… I told her that was a clear sign that when we’re ready to tie the nuts her dad would be in support but she didn’t listen…..I have been employing the no contact rule for almost two weeks and even blocked her on my what’s app…. She called consecutively for two days and stopped she messaged ones on what’s app before I blocked her……on Easter, she sent a text and I’ve not heard anything from her since then….. wanna know if I can still get her back

Chris Seiter

May 2, 2019 at 10:17 pm

It sounds like you would benefit from having a solid ex recovery plan. A lot of things have been happening. Take a look at my Program as its designed to help people with their overall breakup situation.

Samantha Avalos

April 27, 2019 at 7:00 am

Hi Chris!

My ex and I have had a cycling relationship for almost 8 years…This time when we broke up we lived together and I just recently moved out. One unique thing about our break up this time is that we both discussed how there is potential for us to get back together after some time apart to figure ourselves out. His friends tell me that he has told them that he wants to work out someday. What does this even mean???
On day 12 of no contact, he called me and I couldn’t resist answering. He just wanted to catch up and see how I was doing, he mentioned how I was right and that we probably could’ve tried harder on saving our relationship but I tried not to dig deeper into that and move on with our talk. All though we ended on really good terms and still care for each other I told him it was probably not a good idea for us to talk right now. Was that a mistake? Will NC still work for me?

Chris Seiter

April 27, 2019 at 11:34 pm

Hi Samantha…so you chose to do what felt right at the time. No use for us t analyze it all. But I do think you can continue forward with NC and it can potentially pay off.

Abdul

April 15, 2019 at 10:12 am

I had been dating a lady for 3 years. We have been so close despite me sometimes initiating the broke up but she has always tried to work things out with me of which mostly I was breaking up with her because of me being am angry. Two months ago we broke up again and she went on NC then I approached her. But she refusesd to get things right.. after long talk we got back but then we were just like friends..she showed no interest.. I tried and cried several times in front of her expressing how much I love her… but she says we are done..now yesterday I texted her again of which she responded with no interest..seems shes long gone. Is it too late for me to go on NC? PLEASE HELP

Chris Seiter

April 15, 2019 at 2:25 pm

Hi Abdul….No I don’t think its too late to implement NC

BecomingAgain

April 7, 2019 at 10:46 pm

Hi Chris,
My live-in boyfriend of two years recently broke up with me. Our relationship was a perfect mountain peak – great up to the point of moving in a year in, then after moving in we constantly bickered and argued over inane stuff causing it to go downhill. I had thoughts of breaking up but ultimately felt like we could work on things because we once were so great together. He decided to pull the plug and said that he didn’t think he’d regret the decision and that it’s for the best. We lived together for two weeks after our break up, during which we were civil with each other. Two weeks after he moved out, he contacted me to ask me not to talk to his family anymore (which I had). I was angry and felt that he was being controlling, so we got in one last argument on the phone. That was three weeks ago. Today I saw him back on dating apps. Does that mean he has given up? Is there any hope for another chance? If yes, then when does no contact start? The break up? The move out? The last phone conversation? Thanks in advance!
Tina

April 7, 2019 at 5:19 pm

Hey!

My breakup seems a little different to most so I am not entirely sure whether no contact is any good. My ex broke up with me a week ago because he said that he didn’t think our future was compatible with his future plans – I believe this was mainly because of how I was too clingy and made him believe that he couldn’t do this thing which is really important to him. He suggested himself that it was best not to talk for a bit after the breakup… And we’ve more or less been sticking to that so far. The thing is, he said he still loves me and always will when he broke up but he just cannot give up on his dreams for me. I want to show him that he doesn’t have to do that. Should I do NC first?
Bea

April 1, 2019 at 9:46 pm

Hey, me and my ex broke up four days ago. We have been arguing a lot and I think both of us although fighting to stay together just ended up exhausted. I spent the last three days wallowing and crying and seeing friends but today is the fourth day and I’m feeling a bit more positive. I feel like although I’m still in love with him and hope to rekindle what we had I’m also exhausted and tired of fighting. We had a very passionate relationship and for the most part very respectful and loving but the niggly arguments got worse and worse over recent months. When we broke up we spent four hours in the phone talking. Me apologising saying I don’t want to loose him from my life and hoping he. Would consider trying to fix it. He said he was still in love with me, part of him wanted to be with me but he had no energy to fix it anymore and didn’t want to be with me. He said he didn’t think he’d change his mind but he believed in fate and if we were meant to be we would be one day. He said we weren’t compatible and in the future he thought it would go back to arguing even if we fixed it now. He cried an awful lot on the phone and at the end of the call we were almost chatting normally about my dog, his holiday, our sex life and he didn’t want to come off the phone. Very confusing.. It’s been four days and he’s just texted me to tell me he’s arranged for my things to be sent by courier and he’s moving back to Spain tomorrow (this was planned. We were meant to be going together ) and that he hopes I’m ok. I didn’t reply as I really want to implement no contact but I don’t know if I should of said thank you as I don’t want to come across as a bitch as we didn’t leave it on bad terms the last time we spoke (the day we broke up) please advise if I continue with no contact and improve myself or should I have just said ‘thank you’ By the way love the programme!

Chris Seiter

April 1, 2019 at 10:23 pm

Thanks Bea…the Program can help a lot of people! I think NC is the path to follow. But you can give your ex a little heads up that you are trying to find a quiet space and place to reflect and work on some things.

Kayla

March 23, 2019 at 2:12 pm

My boyfriend and I were officially together for a year and a half, but unofficially for just shy of two years. We were long distance, and I moved cross country to be near him. (We didn’t live together though.) After about 5 months of living in the same place, he brought up the fact that he was an introvert and I was an extrovert, and he didn’t know if he saw it working. We talked through it, and he said that he wanted to continue trying but he just needed more introvert time (completely reasonable when he works 60-70 hour weeks.) Fast forward two months, and I thought things were going better. I had been traveling a lot so we hadn’t spent much time together since I had been out of time. We still talked or texted daily though. Anyways, he broke up with me saying that he didn’t see himself marrying me, I wasn’t his “soulmate”, and that he just needed to be alone right now. It was a shock to everyone (I heard through the grapevine that his family was upset with him). Anyways, I immediately employed the no-contact rule, but I just came across this page that said that if you were in a long relationship with good roots that you shouldn’t have done so. It’s been two weeks since I last saw/talked to him when he broke up with me, and we both haven’t attempted to contact one another. I think he’s respecting me by not contacting me because he knew about previous relationships where I have a hard time moving on because I try to be friends with an ex right away. Anyways, I’ve read the e-book (during a previous breakup) so I know what is expected, but since this relationship is different, I was just wondering if I should continue with the no-contact rule. I really truly love him, and I believe that he’s just overwhelmed with work at the moment, but I also know that this could just be wishful thinking on my part. Anyways, any advice/recommendations would be greatly appreciated!
Charity

March 20, 2019 at 7:00 am

I was with my boyfriend for a year. Before we started dating we spoke for a few months he would also speak to other girls. Anyway during the relationship I would talk to my ex and he would always tell me to stop by I wouldn’t. I don’t have feelings for my ex but he Is so nice to me and pampers me. My boyfriend doesn’t. I wouldn’t flirt with him but I’d allow him to think my boyfriend was the reason I couldn’t be with him. Until I eventually told him the truth. Anyway with my boyfriend I felt alone, I was doing all the hard work in the relationship and I was the only one willing to work things through but I felt unsatisfied emotionally and in the bed. I then told him about how my ex told me he still wants to be with me. Then he said he was done with me and hasn’t spoken to me since. It’s been 18 days into no contact and I’m starting to think why am I always the one trying to get him and I together and alerts putting in the work. Do I deserve the silence he is giving me or is it best to let this relationship end?

Chris Seiter

March 21, 2019 at 2:03 am

HI Charity….so I would stay on course with your NC and do all the things i teach in my Program.

katie wilcox

February 26, 2019 at 5:05 pm

Hi
I could really do with some help. I was in a relationship for a year and a half and we never had a fight and everything seemed okay, it took my bf a year to tell me he love me and I accepted that cos I thought he just wanted to take it slow and he all way told me he was never the sort of guy who is very good in expressing His felling verbally And I was okay with that cos he showed me them In different way like he all way tx me morning and see what I was doing throughout The day and when I when to see him we all way kids and hug for ages and he hold me at night and kiss my head and do really sweet things like that I no he fel down over how he look and I try my best to make him fell better all the time and it did not all way work but he used to get over after a bit so I thought things was going well till last saterday he tx me saying he do not see any further for us and that I am amazing and have such a pule Heart And I deserved Someone Better than him and that he loved me but not in love with it and it like he losing his best friend and now he block me on all social media Apart from one And has not block my phone number and I so upset I just don’t get what I did for him to not love me or for him to be so cold all of sudden Plz can u help me
Leila

February 25, 2019 at 2:17 am

Hi ,
Can you please help me if I should do the NC with this guy..if it’s even worth it..
2 years ago I met this guy at my university, I currently live in the USA he is from a different country. We dated very little, back then he told me he really likes me. But then he had to go back to his country. For almost a year we were contacting each other every day. Last week I messaged him thinking to move close to him so to end the LDR. He then messaged me saying he likes me as a friend now, he doesn’t want to have a particular girlfriend and wants to concentrate in his job and hobbies. Then said I’m his most important friend and he wants to continue talking like now. He also said I can met him because we are friends and friends can meet! I felt extremely heartbroken…I don’t know what to do? Should I do the Nc rule ? Is t even worth it ? Can you please give me your opinion…
thank you

Chris Seiter

February 26, 2019 at 1:39 am

He Leila…I know it can be confusing. That is why I wrote a 485 page eBook “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” to help walk people thru the whole process.

Rickelle

February 18, 2019 at 4:50 pm

Hi Chris,

I have a very complicated situation it is long, but please help me. I don’t know what to do.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. We are 22 and I am his first relationship. We were typically very very happy, with very minimal “fighting” and even when there were disagreements, we were always able to resolve them very calmly. I do all the cooking, cleaning, etc and do my best to make sure that he’s happy and feels loved. According to everyone on the outside, we’re the “perfect couple”, and we always used to feel the same way.

We’ve lived together for roughly 2 years. About 6 months ago he mentioned that he wanted to join the Navy and it was a very serious issue. I was heartbroken and told him I didn’t want him to go. After a lot of discussing he decided to stay. About 3 weeks ago it came up again that he still wanted to go to the Navy, and was planning on leaving me in order to do so. I was heartbroken at the fact that he didn’t even give me the option of coming. He said he didn’t think I would support him, and that he wasn’t sure if he could do it to me, because “I’m very loving and deserve someone to be here to hold me and return that love”.
He wants to be a Seal, which if he makes it (I’m confident he could if he tried) would mean he would typically be gone up to 11 months out of the year.

After some digging, I was able to get it out of him that leaving me wasn’t just about the Navy, he said he wasn’t happy with me because I didn’t have enough drive. He said I don’t stick things out, and I know I do have that issue. We are working towards our goals, just slower than he liked.

He moved out yesterday, I am heartbroken. When he was still living with me, at first he was very cold. He rarely talked to me, didn’t cuddle with me, nothing. Until I quit showing him I was sad. Then he suddenly acted like a friend again, he cuddled with me at night, asked me about my day, and seemed happy to see me. But he was still distant. No where near what we used to be.

When he moved out yesterday suddenly he said “he just needed time”, when before he was saying he didn’t see himself being with anyone. He also left a lot of his stuff at my house, saying “it’ll be a good reason to come back” with a sad smile. He also told our roommate (we’re all very close) he didn’t want to move out. And he seemed very very sad. I didn’t show him my sadness. I told him that I would miss him but that I hope that he finds happiness in his decision, and thanked him for everything he’s done for me and we hugged eachother a bit. He was so sad, he was almost in tears but yet, he’s stopped sharing location with me, and hasn’t spoken to me. All of our mutual friends have said he seems extremely sad when they go out together, so I just don’t understand why he’s doing this or what I can do to make it better.

I’ve since gotten a new job and work 6 days a week, I’ve been reading every day, going to the gym more often, and cooking for myself more. Im trying to fix myself, but it hurts me that he just left instead of having a serious talk with me and sticking things out together. He acknowledged that he needs to work on communicating more.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you. I know it’s a lot to read. Our situation is different than anything I can find advice for, because we both still love eachother a lot, and his desire to go to the navy is playing a huge part.

He’s a great guy. I don’t want to lose him, I really thought he was the one and I cannot shake that feeling.

Please tell me what to do, and if you think there is any hope for us.

– Rickelle.
Delphine

February 12, 2019 at 2:21 pm

Hi Chris,

Today I got some very bad news, as a result I cried at work and left the office midday. My ex works with me so he saw me upset and then noticed that I left. I am at day 8 of my second NC. We broke up 5 months ago, I did the texting phase all of Jan (it was very positive) but made a mistake by sleeping with him at the end of January without having him commit to me…That’s why I was told to go back in NC. Today he tried calling me three times and sent me two texts to check on me because he saw me cry earlier. He called at 1;30pm, 3pm and 5:30pm. Also in his last text he asked me to please let him know if I am ok. I consulted with the Facebook group moderators and was told to not break NC. Now I am scared this wasn’t the right thing to do, and I am terrified that I have pushed him further away by not responding. Can you please tell me if I did well by not responding??

Chris Seiter

February 13, 2019 at 12:42 am

Hi Delphine…so sorry for whatever bad news came into your day. Ummm, these situations can be close calls. Arrange for someone to let him know you are fine and while you received his messages, you need some quiet time.

Lindsay

February 7, 2019 at 2:03 am

Hi Chris!

So we just ended things about a week ago and I am thinking of doing NC but he just lost some one very close to him and I feel like I should be there for him. Should I do NC regardless?

Chris Seiter

February 7, 2019 at 2:18 am

Hi Lindsay…probably best to hold off on NC for a spell and be supportive as appropriate and reevaluate things later.

Kylie

February 6, 2019 at 11:36 pm

My ex and I was together on and off for just over a year. I have children from a previous relationship and my ex broke up with me this morning saying he really loves me but just can’t deal with being with someone who has kids. He was crying and I can tell he was genuinely upset about breaking up with me. I’m heartbroken and angry In a way as I don’t understand how he could break up with me for that reason after knowing I had kids and his been with me over a year! I haven’t spoke to him all day since. Is there a chance he might change his mind or is that us definitely over and I shouldn’t bother even trying.
Helena

February 6, 2019 at 8:02 pm

Hi Chris,
My boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me a month ago exactly. We had great times but also fought a lot. One day he tells me he never loved me, and it came across as a shock. We currently live together simply because we are both college students and funds are tight to be jumping around houses and are forced to continue living together atleast for the meantime.
In the beginning it was exceedingly unpleasant. Despite me being very kind towards him he was always rude and insulting (not like him at all). He also started trying to get with new women immediately after, especially one girl in particular which he has a small history with. I couldn’t take it anymore and left for a weekend without telling him. His only communication with me during that time was a text reading “I hope you’re ok” and that was it.
When I returned, he was more appreciative of my company and stopped being rude and insulting completely. We now hang out, have meals together and have even slept together a few times. I noticed he doesn’t really talk to other women as much either. He now admits he “loves” me but just isn’t “in-love.” We are not a couple, and he doesn’t show signs of wanting me back as a girlfriend but yet enjoys my company very much. I have considered NC rule but I’m worried I already messed up my chances by being very kind and pleasant even though we aren’t committed. Is there a way to undo this? And is it too late to try the NC?

Thank you so much for your help and keep up the great videos!

Chris Seiter

February 7, 2019 at 2:19 am

Hi Helena!

No, I don’t think its too late. Read up on it on my website…indeed, I wrote a book on the topic!

Angela

February 6, 2019 at 4:27 am

What if I was strung along by my ex .. then found out he was in a relationship (we were still seeing each other I didn’t know about her). Said he wants to stay friends I said no I want a relationship or nothing … I went into no contact and he became the text gnat after 5 days,6,7,8 days I called to say this has to stop.. then he opened up and said he made a mistake and he wants to be with me he’s going to leave his gf because she’s not me. He didn’t want me to block him on WhatsApp but after two days I said it’s for the best until he has left her… it has now been a week and he hasn’t got back to me to say he has left her… should I call to find out what’s going on or continue no contact ?
How long should I wait for him to do that?
Please help
Sarah

February 4, 2019 at 8:56 am

Hello, my ex recently broke up with me. We have been together for 3 years with some ups and downs. He said he just doesn’t feel the same way anymore. I had a feeling he was seeing someone but he claimed he wasn’t. then sometime later he posted on a girl on Snapchat. Do you think it’s possible to get him back?

Chris Seiter

February 4, 2019 at 5:22 pm

Hi Sarah!

So despite ups/downs, 3 years in a relationship creates some traction which can help you down the road. Some guys use that line about “not feeling the same way”, but the truth is they often don’t really know their feelings. Of course none of us feel the same way…relationships are always changing and adapting. I think you should look at implementing No Contact and picking up my 485 page epic eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” to help you throughout this whole process!

Bee

February 1, 2019 at 11:59 am

Hi Chris,
My boyfriend broke up with me 9 days ago, because he lost feelings for me. We were together 4 years. It was 4 great years, with some minor hiccups along the way, but never any major fights. The first 9 months we were short distance (100km) after which I got a job offer in a third country (2000km away) and he moved there (for) with me. We lived there for 2 years, during which a lot of things happened and we both worked together to solve them (moving 8 times, getting fired, him not having a job for the whole time meant using only my salary, traveling for work two weeks a month, loss of pets, identity theft, etc).

We finally moved back to help his parents, but that meant living in his moms house, not being able to do anything she didn’t want to, not being able to go out much as we were now relying on a significantly smaller salary in his country. After all that happened I was depressed and needed a break from the work force and didn’t want to start looking for a job yet.. but everything was still good, nothing crazy. fast forward to before the breakup. He’s been acting a bit off the last month and a half, but any time I asked he said it was fine, he loved me and he was very happy for me to be his gf.

I was traveling to my parents in my own country every once in a while and was there over Christmas and New Years (both times he came to join me and my family but then returned home because of work). I was supposed to join him after New Years but his families (multiple people) health deteriorated, and he had to sleep over at his grandmas and uncles place and he couldn’t see me anyway so we decided I should stay. The texts after he left changed 180degrees, he was distant the whole 3 weeks, no hearts, no “love you”, no calls.

Day of breakup he called me, said “unfortunately we need to end our relationship”, cold as a robot.. first he couldn’t give me a reason except to say he’s numb. Then he said he hasn’t loved me for the last one, then said two, three months and he didn’t see us “working out anymore”. I said I was disappointed I wasted 4 years on him, and that I thought he would fight for us. He was quiet. I asked about my stuff (all our furniture from abroad, all my other stuff) he said I could come get it maybe next week. I asked him did he think I was happy the last month because of the way he was acting, and said I was still willing to give him a chance even after that. After my monologue about how people fight for the relationship and don’t give up, he angrily mumbled he tried but then suddenly said he’s gonna go now and hung up the phone.. he gave me 25 mins on the phone after 4 years of relationship. I didn’t cry on the phone, didn’t beg, I was just disappointed and angry, but not yelling.

I just don’t know what to do. I’m doing NC just to protect myself and heal. But it’s been 9 days and he hasn’t even contacted me about the stuff. Should I even do NC? Your test said I have 83% chance, but if he doesn’t love me..

Kind regards,
Bee
Amber

January 26, 2019 at 10:03 pm

Hi, I found out my ex bf lied to me about keeping in contact and seeing his exes. This wasn’t the first time, I left and he blocked me but unblocked me on text and has reached out to me. Today he asked me, “so we’re done?” and then said, “If you don’t reply by tonight, Im assuming we’re done?” I have only been doing NC for 2 or 3 days. I don’t know if I should reply or not. Thanks

Chris Seiter

January 27, 2019 at 2:11 am

Hi Amber…..so he is trying to get some attention. Unless you get a string of positive messaging from him, best not to respond in most cases.

Viv

January 25, 2019 at 12:12 am

Thank you for your quick reply! I will buy your ebook and am considering coaching too, but I don’t get paid for another couple of weeks and need to know what to say to my ex before he leaves the country.

Basically, is five or six months too long to go NC? Especially considering how we’ve never gone more than a few days of not seeing or speaking to each other in seven years. I’m worried it’ll irrecoverably damage us.

I have foolishly told him that I would go NC when he left and now I fear it’s not going to achieve anything, because he knows exactly what’s happening and he’s the only one allowed to break NC. How do I take the power back?

My options seem to be: call off the mutually agreed 5+ months NC with him but then just do it myself anyway to regain control, do it but break it halfway through to build rapport and hope he doesn’t mind, or do it for as long as it takes for him to contact me again.

I’ve backed myself into a corner by suggesting NC to him and I don’t know what to do. And I can’t shorten the NC time easily because of the specific situation.

Chris Seiter

January 25, 2019 at 1:35 am

Hi Viv. Yes, most NC periods run 21 to 45 days per my Program. There is much to the process..its an active undertaking in many ways. So best to come up to speed. That is why I wrote several ebooks on the topic.

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748 thoughts on “When NOT To Use The No Contact Rule On Your Ex Boyfriend”