When You Should Stop Trying To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

1,125 thoughts on “When Should You Stop Trying To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back?”

Ash

June 10, 2015 at 11:58 pm

My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me 5 days ago. I am devastated, distraught, broken. We were about to move into a new house together in a week and now I’ve lost all of that – he was my roommate, my best friend, my future and my heart. We had a bit of a whirlwind romance and always dreamed about running off to Vegas to get hitched. We fell in love hard & fast & there is no doubt that it was real. But something changed the past 6 months… He blames it all on me but I can’t help but think the pressures of life had a lot to do with it. He has struggled with depression before and lately he has been very stressed with his studies, working full time & being a part time dad. Then he lost his job suddenly. He got a new (better) job which but it is hard work, less hours & therefore less pay. We decided together to move into a new house and so had been saving every penny. That’s when he started to seem truly unhappy. After a few weeks of this I confronted him and after some anger he apologised, I apologised, we hugged each other tight and he told me he really wants us to work. I told him we were a team. This was only a couple of weeks ago and things were very good since then. Then on Friday night I had a drink with an ex boyfriend (we broke up almost 3 years ago, have barely spoken since, it was a good breakup, and he’s leaving for america and turned up in the bar I was in). As I was in public with him and telling him how in love with my boyfriend I was, I really felt that as long as I was honest with him then I wasn’t doing anything wrong. But when I told my boyfriend about it he just ended things. He said I’m untrustworthy although he believes me that I don’t have feelings for this ex. I thought being honest about it made me trustworthy. Then he said it wasn’t really about that, he’s been unhappy for the past 6 months, but honestly it’s only the past 3 that have been noticeably hard. Amidst all this he was still trying to please me – turns out he only wanted to move house to keep me happy. When I saw him yesterday I poured my heart out to him, cried my eyes out, bared my soul. But he cried too. We hugged and held each other and I looked into his eyes and I just couldn’t believe that he doesn’t still love me. How could he be so upset if that’s the case? I stayed for hours and he never asked me to leave. When I asked if he wanted me to leave he would never say he did. That’s made me think there may be hope. If there isn’t then I am just prolonging my pain, but I’m not ready to give up on him. Im prepared to try no contact for a couple of weeks and see if he feels any differently then but if he doesn’t.. Im going to be crushed all over again. We had so many plans for the future, so many happy memories from the past 2 years together (the longest by far that he’s stayed with a girlfriend). I would change anything and everything for him, how can I prove to him that Im trustworthy? I can’t bare the thought of never touching his face again, never sharing his bed. I truly believe he is my soulmate. I’m heartbroken.

Sarah

September 3, 2015 at 10:45 pm

I’m currently going through this same situation… How did everything workout for you??
Ange

June 19, 2015 at 5:45 pm

Oh Ash, I am going through a very similar situation and I can literally feel your pain! The only difference is that my boyfriend really wants us to stay in contact because we have a “cosmic bond” that is unbreakable, despite the relationship not working. He is just at a point where he is frustrated and doesn’t know what he wants anymore. He is even accepting dinner dates from a girl he works with so he can experience new things and “gain perspective.” I feel like I can barely breath and my heart is so broken that it PHYSICALLY HURTS. I am going to try NC for two weeks but I don’t know if I can make it that long.

Hi Chris

June 8, 2015 at 9:15 am

Hi Chris,

I know you are very busy and the chances for you to see my mail is least. With that hope, I am writing to you as I really need your help and advice on this. I would be very grateful to you once again.

Me and my bf broke up last year because I cheated on him. I apologized and begged for a few weeks but didnt work out. One day he came to me and said he loves me. It continued for 5 months. Mostly we were very good to each other and had loads of fun. During that phase, he showed confused behavior( no commitment, only hangout, no trust) It continued until the same reason for our break popped up and I lost him. I begged him not to leave me and tried a lot to make him believe that he is misunderstanding me and that I really loved him.

I then read your site and followed NC and after a month he met me but as a friend. It continued for few days and in between, there was a girl in his life and he started liking her. But it dint work out between them as he stated they had fights. I blocked him and went away from his life. He came after few weeks and wanted to make a fresh start fresh with me. Thsi time there was lot more commitments and love.

It was nice and smooth. We used to have few disagreements and issues about his exes and my exes. But i keep ignoring and used to be normal few hours later. He is a kind of person, hates commitment, argue on even minor things and jumps to conclusion. He is also confused with our relationships. He is determined as well.

Few days back, we were having good times where I stated a line which hurted him the most. I didnt really mean it but explained him everything but he is not ready to accept it. He didnt talk to me nicely for 2 days. On third day he came to see me and we had fun drinking and listening musics. I was happy to think that everything is in place. But I was wrong, the followed morning i get a text saying ” I dont want to be in this relationship, i am happy being single. I thought a lot but this relationship is going nowhere. I am frustrated with these fights …We can be frnds”

I asked him to rethink on it and forced him to meet me once. But he denied. I asked him to take a week break and think. But i dont think, this time it would work out. I have always thought we as a soulmate. He always came back to me when i completely lost hope.. Over the time, it only has strengthen the relationship from my end.

But I really dont want to part away from him as I know the pain I had gone through last year. Really not prepared this time. It is a shock for me. Is NC would help me again? Please guide me to a positive direction. I really see my future with him.

Thanks a lot!
Emily

June 5, 2015 at 10:17 pm

Hi there. So I’m wondering if my introverted ex and I will ever get back together. We were together for 1 year. I’m pretty confused about how it ended. I asked him what he wanted, and he said he didn’t want to break up but he had to think some things through and figure himself out. I texted him 3 days after the break up and he said “as of right now we’re broken up, but things may be different in the future. I just need time and space”. He then goes on to say that he’s not ruling anything out in the future. What are your thoughts on this? It’s worth noting that we were a long distance relationship, but I saw him every month or less. We both really like each other but I think long distance got to him. He said he was happy when he was with me, but the relationship was making him unhappy because he couldn’t be with me a lot. We never yelled at each other and the weekends we spent together were always so much fun. So far, we are 2 weeks into the NC rule and I am thinking about texting him after 1 month. Do you think this is a good idea? Do you think it is possible we get back together once he has thought about things? It’s just really confusing…
Billi

June 5, 2015 at 4:06 am

Hi Chris,

I have been in an on- and off- relationship for the past 4.5 years. When I say on-and off-, I mean, at least 20 breakups etc. (I even classified them into major breakups and minor breakups). So, as you can see, not the happiest of relationships.

The key issue that has led to all these breakups is that we are from different countries (I’m from Bangladesh, he is from Pakistan and we both live in Malaysia due to our work) and his family is very conservative. We are both South Asian, and as you may know, family consent is a big thing in getting married. Throughout, he has been worried that his parents will not accept me, and so whenever we have had any disagreements, he breaks up with me saying it’s not worth it. Then he cools down, misses me and comes back.

In a way, though, the relationship DID go on an upward track – i.e after some of the more major breakups, we both behaved better with each other, learnt how to resolve our conflicts better. And though it took yet another breakup for this to happen, he finally introduced me to his parents and really tried to convince them and his extended family to allow us to get married. That was in February, and throughout February/March/April, they have been discussing it. His parents liked me, personally (we got along really well) but his other relatives (none of whom have met me) all disapproved of the match.

And by end of April, my boyfriend started being more and more distant, trying not to meet me – in effect, screwing himself up to make the sacrifice and break up with me. For about 2 weeks, I convinced him not to, but then he just started picking fights over minor things. Which even he acknowledged he was doing subconsciously in order to break us up, because he is really not making headway with his parents.

It has been 11 days now, and I have tried my best to keep up NC (I messed up on Day 9 when I sent him a text, which he ignored and possibly didnt even read). I am kind of stuck between whether I should try to get back with him, or whether I should cut my losses and move on at this point.

I would like to just mention that, despite everything, I really love him a lot and I am sure he loves me a lot too. But he also loves his family a lot, and is worried that he will make them unhappy and/or end up being isolated from them if they do not get along with me. He is naturally pessimistic though, and has been known to blow up future situations into epic proportions which don’t ever come out that way (e.g. he thought I was the kind of girl his parents would hate – yet they really got along with me when they met me). I feel that if he was brave enough to just stand up for us, then eventually all the relatives will get around to accepting it. So I don’t think that our match is doomed on its own. What I do think is, somehow, he himself is not 100% sure and that if he really wanted to get married to me, he can find a way to make it work.

In the last 2-3 months of our relationship, I was always being afraid of the future and I think I gave off a very needy vibe – always calling, always texting, always suggesting we meet up. always initiating when he wasn’t. I am worried that he loves me, but his heart and brain are not aligned on this decision.

What I’m even more worried about is, getting back together and going through this cycle again. I want to break the cycle, either by moving on, or by being together forever.

So I would like to know what you think I should do. I have read almost all your articles and watched all your podcasts, which were very helpful, but I haven’t come across anything quite as strange as parents putting their foot down. So hope you have some guidance for me. My game plan thus far: I have resolved not to contact him again for the next 45 days (based on your on- and off- relationships article) and trying to improve myself (exercise regularly, connecting with my old friends again and focusing on studying for GRE/work).

Thanks a lot, and sorry if this is really long.
Mary

June 2, 2015 at 5:17 pm

Well he told me that he didn’t think we were right for eachother because we were fighting a lot the last month of our 9 month relationship, but then he sent the apologies like he realizes that he did hurtful things and then I apologized for the fights over it and told him I never meant to cause him stress I was just very hurt. And now like I said he’s been acting indifferent after the first two conversations he was asking me about my life and telling me all about his. I read your review on text your ex back and bought it and now I have 20 days before it u locks the system which worries me because it’s already been about 4-5 months after the breakup and he acted indifferent the last conversation I don’t want to wait too long and him lose his feelings completely. The other thing is that he’s very stubborn that worries me too. I haven’t told my friends or family about trying to get him back because anytime I even talk to them about him they say stuff like “it’s been months you need to just forget about it and move on he’s not worth your time” but I obviously think he’s worth it and when they say stuff like that it makes me question wether it’s useless and I should just give up trying when I just want to get him back but I don’t know what to do from here and I don’t want to make anymore mistakes. I don’t k if this matters but I’m 19 and he’ll be 20 soon.
andrew

June 1, 2015 at 4:50 am

We broke up in February… the initial break up wasn’t bad. Lots of tears. We were together 5 months. We had a fall out here and there. But, the pressure of him not being out, as a gay man, put pressure on me and him. So towards the last week or two things were a little hectic. After the break up he wanted time away. Then I randomly hit him up a few days later saying I wanted him in my life still and we became friends for about three months. We didn’t hang out a lot but…we did talk. the first two weeks were kind of hard and i would ask him why things happened the way they did. But, after awhile we just hung out like we used to without the affection….well I felt like he was being a little flirty and thought i would try to spark things up and just ask him how he was feeling and he had mixed reviews. Said he still missed things but, was sticking with his decision. But, i was drunk a week later and called him and tried to get back with him. we didn’t talk for a week after that and then we chatted normally and then we brought up the subject…because our last conversation was unresolved….well he was a little upset and said he was tired of thinking “where we are” and that he wanted to be friends and not worry and now needs space away as friends…. should i take this as a sign..because he told me he would miss me and that im an awesome person and all this stuff and it makes me wonder if maybe i give him the space I should of if things could work out…of course i don’t want to try anything funny because i want him in my life.
Kate

June 1, 2015 at 4:45 am

Hey. I was with my boyfriend for a year and two months. He broke up a month ago, because I was doing stuff he didn’t liked, like getting drunk with my friends all the time and do stupid things…. He have a huge baggage behind him so I always had to be careful of what I was doing, what I was saying, ect. We broke up two times before that too, but we couldn’t live without each other. We are soul mates I feel it so much. He deleted me off every social medias. But we still have seen each other two times since our break up, and the two times we were laughing together, talking about us and the good times and sometimes the bad times and we would laugh at it, and cuddling a little and everything seemed alright, I thought he would take me back, I am ready to change my bad habits for him and to prove him. When I talked to him two weeks ago about getting back together he said he wanted to be alone and that he doesn’t wanted to be with me. So I started to do the NC. BUT, Yesterday, I put a picture of me working out on instagram because I’m getting super super fit and I’m proud of myself. He texted me ‘ Its pretty cool your picture I guess.. Are you trying to make me jealous and to make me mad?’ (Because he always wanted me to go work out with him before and I didn’t wanted to. Now he’s gone and I’m getting reallly fit I have abs now(: ) He seems very upset about the picture so I explained to him it was just for myself because I was proud, and he never answered my texts back. but I still deleted the picture. We use to fight a lot a lot in our relationship. I am not ready to give up, but we have fought a lot and said painful things to each other. I’m kinda scared to lose my time. Should I give up? I don’t know anymore…. He tells me he don’t wanna be with me, and then act jealous? He’s really into ‘actions’ thing. Like, I have to prove to him I want him, I can’t just say it, he have been like this the whole relationship. But now every time I’m tryna prove to him that I wanna get back with him, this time he just thinks its annoying and he doesn’t trust me. I’m scared that NC makes him move on…
Kavya

May 30, 2015 at 1:04 pm

My ex broke up with me yesterday. He agreed few days back that he loves me. But he said he did not want to be in relationships anymore. Atleast for a few years now. He gave the reason for breakup as, he felt he wont be able to handle being in a relationship. He wants to be alone.(Yes, i was his first girlfriend)
I tried convincing him and talked about old days. I told him about the tiny little things that he did, that i appreciated. He did cry a bit listening to them, though he dint say a word (could make out from his voice when he spoke later).
In the end he said there is no use of me trying when he has given up. Its gonna be one sided thing and said to move on. He doesnt want me to keep any dreams of being with him.
.
not sure if i can get him back when he does not want to be in relationship.
jenna

May 29, 2015 at 3:34 am

Hi Chris, thank you for all this information I’m definitely gonna buy your books. However I’m in a weird situation and I know you have heard it all but don’t know if my problem is in the book, the thing is that I’m dating this guy, he has a really difficult personality and always putting all the blame on me, but I still like him, we always fight and then last week he told me he wanted a break so I made the mistake of begging him and saying I was gonna prove I can be different, I put all the blame on myself, cause I was desperate, so he decide to call off the break and let me show him how I have changed. I felt so bad about that I did that and then avoided him for 2 days and he got crazy and left 17 missed calls and 7 text messages in just a day, so I talked to him and he demanded to know why have I been avoiding him if I was gonna prove I was different. I gave him an excuse and now he puts all the weight on me to show him I’m different.
So now I’m always the one who talks first and always putting the effort in our conversations, trying to be funny and just gives “yes or no” responses. He always answers but in an unusually cold tone, while I’m being super friendly.
I read all your info about texting and I believe you are great but with him I feel I wanna give up, cause I can’t make the NC and make the all plan like u put it here cause he didn’t dump me but he doesn’t want to be friendly or act normal, so please please help me. thanks
Mary

May 22, 2015 at 6:55 pm

Please help me I’m really upset with myself right now because we had a bad breakup and there was fighting but just at the end, because he did some things that really hurt me and he even told me that he knows he wasn’t the best at times. It’s been almost four months since the break up and I made a lot of mistakes right after the breakup but then I applied the no contact rule and didn’t hear from him. I then tried to reach out to him twice and he made it very clear that he was done. I was so depressed that I couldn’t take holding onto him anymore so I gave up pretty quickly and moved on. There were hobbies I loved that I stopped doing when we dated so when I started to move on I started doing those things again and made a facebook page for one of them. Well somehow he found out about the page and sent me an apology to my email and facebook page for the way he treated me and I was so shocked that he talked to me I didn’t k how to respond so I just ignored it. Then the next day I got another apology from him saying that he really is sorry and he kind of regrets not ending on better terms. Reading his apologies brought back all of these feelings of being betrayed and I didn’t handle those emotions very well so I said to him that he’s just trying to clear his conscious and he wasn’t there when I needed him so he shouldn’t feel guilty now. That started an argument and he started blaming me for everything then saying he at least wanted to make things right but he gets if I choose not to accept it and that he was over me until he saw my page and said that when he saw that everything he tried to move on from came back to him hard and after all the thinking he did about it he at least wanted to try and make amends…. Whatever that means. I had my gaurd up that whole conversation and he was giving me mixed signals that whole conversation. One minute he was saying that he meant it everytime he said he loved me and to never think he didn’t care then the next min he was saying that he wasn’t the only one who caused pain and was telling me everything I did wrong. I was very confused by the whole conversation. The conversation ended with him saying “he truly feels bad and he feels even worse now that I’ll think of him is worthless” (which I NEVER said he was by the way) After that I took some days to gather my thoughts about that and got mad at myself because I feel like he might’ve been testing the waters and I screwed it all up by not reacting positively… So I ended up telling him im sorry for initially reacting badly and for any pain caused in the relationship and I wish you the best. He responded by saying he forgives me, truly wishes me the best and is glad we both got the right closure this time…. That was a few weeks ago and now he’s back to seeming like he doesn’t care and I don’t know where to go from this. Things were perfect up until he did something really hurtful, then that caused us to fight a lot near the end. but I’ve gotten past that and I know that we’ve both grown since then and I see everything I could do to be the perfect gf to him now and I see he’s trying to grow too and I just want one more chance to make this relationship work but I feel like he doesn’t care anymore. I know it’s going to be very hard but I feel with time and patience I can eventually get there but I know there’s no more room for error. So please Id really appreciate any thoughts you have about this and any advice at all that you could offer to this whole situation. I’d really appreciate it.

Chris Seiter

June 1, 2015 at 10:04 pm

What did you break up over?
Mary

May 31, 2015 at 2:12 am

He’s starting to act indifferent toward me what do I do? Do I even have a chance anymore?
Mary

May 29, 2015 at 2:58 am

Hey since my last comment I did the “I have a confession to make” text and it worked really well and I left him wanting more. Then, I went into no contact mode for the next day and then today i picked up the conversation where we left off and it was okay but I think I could’ve left him wanting more… He was asking about my life and telling me about his but then near the end of our last conversation I felt like he was losing interest because when I answered one of his questions he just said “that’s good. I’m glad to see your life’s going well.” Then I ducked out of the conversation cuz I felt like I was wearing out my welcome. There were about 7 messages sent from me the first conversation which I handled pretty well but then the second there was like 16 sent from me so I feel like if I had stopped the conversation earlier than I did it would’ve been better. I would love any advice at all but I guess my question is what type of thing should I send him and what type of conversation should I aim for in the third conversation I plan on having with him it’s too early for anything too emotional like past memories I think. Idk he’s very confusing I can’t tell where he is

Elyssa steinberg

May 17, 2015 at 8:32 pm

Hi, so I broke up with my ex, first like four months ago because he wasn’t putting the effort and I was in NC for 3 weeks when I finally contacted him and we got back together… this time he broke up with me because I was with another guy (but we weren’t exclusive) and we were in NC for 3 weeks again when I texted him… he seemed somewhat interested again but I was kind of cold (to kind of show him up)…. but do you think if I do NC for another 3 weeks or so, I can get him back?
katy

April 24, 2015 at 6:43 pm

After 5 months of breakup…..2days ago…he had sent me a follow req on instagram……i accepted it….he commented on one of my pics…..i was normal(i guess)
Today…..i get a message which is like this…
“ hey, i just wanted to apologize for what i did and spoke to you….you just cared too much and this suffocated me. I am a free spirited man and interferences pisses me too much. Hope you will forgive me. I dont want anything else.
What does this mean….what should i do?
My mind and my heart has stopped working now 🙁

TiTi

May 6, 2015 at 1:06 pm

Hey I think you shouldn’t respond. Keep holding out for the no contact rule. He’ll be really intrigued to hear from you after the 30days. I did this system and it worked. My boyfriend and I have been back together for 2 weeks. We broke up March 3. So keep up the good work you got this girl!

Brianna

April 20, 2015 at 7:20 am

I had depression bad anXiety a couple other things I have to take medicines for them aswell. I’ve been hospitalized once and that’s bc death didn’t sound any better. I’m the type of person where I tried to find happiness in others (well in 9th gr) and I was never happy I gave people so much power over me when I shouldn’t have. Last year oct I met this guy my first relationship he made me feel like nobody ever has but as months went by ever though we did everything together are relationship was like toxic we changed we were nasty to each other and even though time and time again we made up that didn’t stop it from getting to the point that I was hospitalized it was February and he got robbed everything from there changed he was all distant towards me we broke up I was hospitalized bc mentally I wasn’t there I was so hurt we were talking before I got baycareacted and I thought things were gonna change when I got back turns out the day I came back he was with his ex they had a fun time at the park while I was crying my eyes out. That week on Wednesday I wasn’t there, a thing about me is I’m always sick. That day he kissed her and I had to find out from a friend. I was so disappointed he wrote me a end letter and wrote her a beginning letter I texted her and I wanted to fight and from there things with him and I were terrible as weeks went by I forgave him although I wanted to have fun and nobody ever asks me to do anything but these seniors asked me to go to prom so I did and I had the worst time. My ex was so heart broken but I mean we both did things that didn’t please each other. We made a period where we’d both improve ourselves for each other and winded up tearing us apart. But before that I had went to his house he wasn’t talking to me but he had his reasons and I guess I flipped out I blacked out started hitting him etc. I never scared a person physically and mentally, but that day I scared him. Two weeks later we wanted to try again like our love was real we planned a future together. A few weeks ago he was going to take me to the pArk for the day but I got on to him bc he changes for the worse and wanted to fight people and I don’t believe in that, I call it tough love but I guess he thought I was being mean.. So I texted him a day later but something was wrong with his phone and he was unheard from for 4 days he texted my on Easter and I flipped out I had to call his mom and his brother and they never answers then she finally texted me back saying everyone here is fine happy Easter bre glad to see your doing better, so I asked if my ex had his phone she said yes so then I asked is he not aloud to talk to me and she never responded. After Easter at school I saw him and I just wanted to love him be with him and he told me his mom said he wasn’t aloud to speak to me she got rid of everything in the house that has to deal with me and i broke down. I think the week before last he wanted to get back with me but he’s the type of person he says one thing and then it’s different the next time so I told him we could just be friends and from there really he’s been avoiding me not looking in my direction the whole 9 yards , and it hurts so bad like it kills me I want him back but idk what to do, I’m pretty sure everything between us is fucked. And I hate it. He was my best friend. And now it’s like we don’t even know each other.

sonica

May 6, 2015 at 6:46 am

How did u come out from this please help me as well. What did u do??

jacquay

April 19, 2015 at 4:32 pm

Hi, Chris
My ex and I broke march 23, 2015…which I’m still heart broken about the situation we were so good with each other we only had one disagreement in a yr we been together. We talked about it n fix it….but the one thing I can’t get from him is to open up to me. He is my best friend like no other but when he stress out. He keeps me distance and I feel neglected like I’ve done something… He tells me its not you its me and things he have to deal with…. So I would not to bother him just sending lil txt here n there just saying things like good morning, hope u have a good day, or good nite, I love you…. But this time he says he been a terrible bff and he has too much professional n personal issues to keep me holding on me…. I’m like I dnt understand why though we all have issues… He says I’m best thing for him and he can’t think of one reason why he can’t be with me….. Besides he has a lots of things going such as job n home life…I told him to talk to me he says he wish he could but can’t and he ddon’t know why….. Like it hurt my feeling because he can’t when I gave my all to him….. Because I truly love him and can’t see myself with no other….I’ve been tryn to give him space n time to figure things so that we can talk about everything when we both not to emotional…. Cuz I’m very emotional….we did hang out a few time after the break…. But I never mention anything about the break up….just to be friends cuz he says he would like for us to be friends….. He just too much going on for him to continue our relationship…. I feel I have neglected him some where for him to get to this point….. I need help I would love to be back him when time is right
carla

April 8, 2015 at 2:08 am

Well I was dating a man for almost 3 years. Both of us are separated. When he would go onto the dating sites I would do a freak out. I guess this last freak out on Jan 23rd was it for him. Apparently he blocked me as my friend texted him today asking for my dishes back. He asked her to stop texting cuz he won’t reply, he told her that he blocked me, that he threw my dishes out and that he asked her to tell me that he has zero interest in me. I guess have the factor of 3. do I try cuz when we were together there was a deep connection…. Or let him go?
Michelle Ryder

March 31, 2015 at 10:23 pm

Hi Chris! I just had a few questions regarding if my boyfriend meant what he said. We dated for 1 year and broke up 3 days ago. When we broke up, we were having continuous fights for the last two months. We were always throwing the “I think we should break up” card but then we would just talk more and take it back. His anxiety levels were growing because of our fights, and during our last fight he had a bad anxiety attack and asked for space. I gave him the next day without contacting him. I contacted him the day after since I needed some stuff from his house that day. We grabbed lunch when I went to see him, and he said he still needed space to decide what he wanted to do, but that it was probable that we would get back. That being said, he comes to my house 2 days later saying he wants to break up due to lack of feelings. The feelings apparently were diminishing with the fights, but he never told me. It’s hard to believe he truly means it since he’s never had a real girlfriend before me, and he loved me unconditionally. When breaking up he said that he was slightly open to a possible reconciliation a few months down the road. But the same night he told his friend that space wouldn’t change anything and that he was glad he broke us up. Now, today, he messaged a mutual friend saying that he thinks breaking up was a right decision and that it was hard for him, and that he misses companionship. He seems to be flip flopping a lot. He is a man that is slightly emotionally unbalanced. This is day 2 of no contact, and I am listening to your advice. I don’t even feel tempted to contact him. But I am afraid that no contact will make him get over me, since I wont be there to remind him of what we used to have. Is this a similar situation you have heard of where no contact would help? Based off of his actions, do you think that this is something he really truly means? Our break up is only 3 days old, and it’s just hard to believe that he is this sure when it is still fresh

Tracy

April 4, 2015 at 5:48 pm

I am facing the same issue, except that my ex is convinced that I am not the right fit for him because I had been insecure and constantly bugged him, and he said he was not looking for such traits in his future partner. We have been dating for a year as well, and i’ve been hurting badly. Despite the insecure week I did not realise that he would actually make such a decision.

Have not been doing the NC but he agreed to give us one last try but he also said he doesn’t think there’s much feelings left, based on the fact that he can’t see past the problems we have been facing. And he also asked me not to get my hopes up. It’s also been about 3 days since we broke up.

Gabi

March 31, 2015 at 3:29 pm

Ex broke up with rebound today he was dating her maybe two weeks got with her four days after we broke up, we held a convo thursday i tried talking to him all weekend he’d reply to one message then stop shouls i start no contact now. He put relationships our overrated #single on fb today i was trying to text him he had an interview i asked how it which not good but i didmt text back for a couple hours because i was busy then he never replied then i asked if he just wanted me to stop texting him and he never replied but broke up with his rebound same day, i have done nc for a total of three days broke and texted him then he held a convo with me even asked about my trip but then i constantly was texting and he would reply then stop or just not reply, now this was when he was with his rebound.
Isabel

March 31, 2015 at 1:01 pm

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago, I did not use the NC method and thought that it’s either he wants it or not, so I had a talk with him after a week and he agreed to try it out. 2 weeks into trying and I could see it was not working out as he was very distant and cold.

So I initiated the NC and told him that I needed time out as I could not see myself being treated like that and I need to think about what I want, he agreed to it but day 2 into NC and he texted that he knows I’m trying hard for him and he loves me too but it’s like he wants to care but don’t. So I read it and ignored as I still wasn’t ready, 4 days later I replied “Sorry but I still need time to think.” to which he did not reply. So then comes day 9 of NC, which is yesterday, I thought I was ready so I gave him a call and asked him if he wanted this relationship, to which he said he thinks it’s better to let this go and that his been doing well in the NC period and he realized that he didn’t need me at all. I was devastated so I kept holding on and saying no, just hold on.

He agreed, but is not trying. I just gave him a call saying that he’s not putting in effort and I don’t want us to end up like the previous time. He got really fed up and said basically he does not think he has a lot of love left for me, and he wants his freedom and that he is tired of relationships. I told him to just give us a chance. And that we can start to nurture this slowly by creating good memories and meeting once a week to start slow.

Am I doing the right thing? Right now all the hurtful stuff he said just points to a clear fact that he does not want this relationship and that I am even free to date other guys. I do not know whether to hang on and keep trying as after all he agreed or start NC all over again but I’m afraid he’ll move on during NC as he seems to be doing fine.
ohcay

March 31, 2015 at 5:31 am

Chris,

I was in a long distance relationship with a guy for two years. I’m 19 he’s 17. We recently met in real life (past december) and it went great- things have been good until last month. We have had our problems- cheating, arguing, me being paranoid and accusing and overemotional. We’ve gotten past the cheating but my problems being paranoid and accusing made him so tired. He broke up with me recently, last month.

He started out saying ‘I love you’ and saying he just didn’t know if he wanted it still. So far, I’ve been a text gnat and I’ve bugged him so much about it that he’s gone from ‘maybe we could work in the future’ ‘I love you still’ and NOW he says ‘I don’t know if I love you anymore’ ‘I don’t want to get back together, ever’. He’s my best friend and YES I want him back. I’ve sent him SUPER long messages over Skype. Up until today, his birthday, I’ve been trying to stay cool, but we got in another argument tonight because he was ignoring me and he got mad at me because I kept asking him ‘why’ when he would say he doesn’t want it anymore. I’m scared I’ve run him off forever but I know how I’ve messed up.

I feel so sad and I don’t know what to do. I’m giving him space but will anything repair this?! Will NC make him reconsider? Desperate for an opinion here, I feel like there’s no chance…

admin

March 31, 2015 at 10:35 pm

There are no guarantees but NC I have found to be effective at making men reconsider things.
ohcay

March 31, 2015 at 5:37 am

BTW- Our texts work fine if everything is calm. He can be slow in texting but it goes okay. He does talk to me normally over Skype text. We called maybe 1-2 times after our breakup, he told me “it wasn’t a good idea” and now I’m /sure/ he doesn’t think it’s a good idea. He’s told me recently that he is fine to talk to me but “If we talk as friends, I don’t want to talk with the intention of getting back together.” 🙁

He says he has no interest in making it work with me, doesn’t want to get back together, wants to be alone (and likes being alone more)

and when we argued tonight he said this: (He /was/ angry with me when he said it, but still…)

[10:21:09 PM] S: I don’t want to be in a relationship
[10:21:14 PM] S: Not now, not soon
[10:21:19 PM] S: Maybe not ever who knows

Is it too late? Do I give up?

Kiki

March 29, 2015 at 4:38 pm

Hi my ex and I broke up almost two months ago. We dated for 9 months and talked for 15 months before that. Our entire relationship was really sweet we were the best couple ever everyone wanted to find love like us. In the beginning we had a couple fights but then six months into the relationship he did something that really hurt my feelings fast forward three months. We were fighting all the time and because of our work schedules we were rarely seeing each other. He was really stressed out about his bills and on top of that all the fighting was wearing him down. He broke up with me. It wasn’t that bad of a breakup. I said one nasty thing at the end. And went straight into no contact. For about 3 weeks I sent him a picture of a coke and he didn’t reply. Then four days later I sent him a text saying I heard his song on the radio and to have a wonderful day and that I no bad feelings. He didn’t reply. Then about 2 weeks later. I sent him a really really long text saying I still have feelings for you. Explaining all the changes I made and I want him back and to give me another chance to make him happy. A really long text basically and he replied ” save your feelings for someone who can reciprocate as for me I’m burning in hell like you wished and loving every second of it. so then I sent him a text to kind of peace things out I was like well thanks for the wonderful times. We dont need to hate eachother Blah blah. Then I blocked him so I don’t know if he replied. That was 16 days ago. I wonder if I should just let it go. Or try again? I feel like I made mistakes in my attempts at reconciliation.

admin

March 31, 2015 at 9:55 pm

Its ok to make mistakes as long as they weren’t fatal and I don;t think the mistakes you made were that fatal.

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