When You Should Stop Trying To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

1,125 thoughts on “When Should You Stop Trying To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back?”

Sym

March 12, 2014 at 10:11 pm

I have a baby by a guy ( which he is a great 1st time dad), we been on an off for a lil over 4years. However never a relationship, but he know how I feel about him. He think I deal with lots of guys an I wont tell him different because he sees girls. He always tells me the truth an talked about us being a family he is still young but mature when iy comes to our child. He throws hints as if he wants more one minute then the next he want us to do us seperatley. He told me he loves me and Im very attractive to were he cant keep his hands off me when we see eachother via baby, and hes very attractive to were chics are.obssessed with him. So Im wondering from you should I get both books or just loose hope. Oh an we got into a fight which I started because I seen a girl drive his car but how can I get mad were not together. Since then he left his phone saying our 6month old baby took it but I had it overnight an yes I metled in it but I didnt answer any calls. Im.just desperate for any advice should I move on or is it a lost cause? I feel like once he grows up we would be a perfecr couple, but he leads me on and leace me confused and heart broken. In the past I no he chased me when I moved on thats how our baby came about. So how do this no contact work with a child involved because I work an he watches our baby everyday that I do. So how can I make the nc work for me considering we have to deal witheach other. Hes always wondering what Im doing, going, Nd seeing but act as if he dont care.the next minute.Please Help Me!!!!!!
Kris

March 4, 2014 at 9:19 am

I actually dont know what to do, to be exact, because he is not responding to any of my messages. I just felt that I was not needed by him at all (kind of tragic) but I certainly dont know too what is going on his mind right now. I barely even see him at school and often times he hides from me and I dont know why he is doing that.

To be honest, I got tired of getting back to him. I tried almost all the things needed to getting him back. I just realized lately that there are other things more important than having a relationship. I had more time with myself and I got to notice other people well.

Well anyways, I enjoy reading your site Chris! Maybe I can even apply the techniques here in the future. Have more fun and have a nice day! 🙂

admin

March 4, 2014 at 7:03 pm

Hi there,

If you want you can read about getting over your ex.

sam

March 3, 2014 at 3:12 pm

Okay, I am in a unique situation here. My boyfriend and I broke up almost 3 months ago but we agreed to remain friends. We continued to act like a couple though. I asked him to clarify his feelings for me and he always told me he loved me but we couldn’t be in a relationship. I believed him of course. He’d been my best friend for six years and was in love with me. I didn’t know about it until 6 months ago. Our relationship was great in the begging, but then I started nagging him too much and acting needy. We broke up then agreed to be friends, but continued to act like a couple. He started talking about our problems to one of his friends (a female). Recently, I had been feeling him pull away from me and I thought that maybe he was somehow interested in pursuing his friend that he entrusted with our problems. I asked him out rightly if that were the case, he refused. But a week ago, we fought over this again and he ended up telling me to leave him alone and not contact him ever again. I begged, apologised. He said he’ll talk to his friend, discuss this and then let me know his decision. Anyway, he told me we could only ever be friends and nothing more than that. I asked him why, he said he didn’t want to repeat his mistake of being in a relationship with me again. We didn’t talk for a day or two after that. Then one of his friends texted me out of the blue telling me how my ex got bored of me and that he doesn’t deserve me. My ex and I fought again that day and he told me he was confused whether he wanted me in his life as his friend or not. He also told me that he doesn’t wanna hurt me and he loves someone else, he wouldn’t tell me who though. He said he’ll only tell me who it is when I move on and have another man in my life. I don’t know what to do. I haven’t been talking to him since after that. We did meet in school though, I completely ignored his existence.

Is there anything that would work in my case?
April

February 28, 2014 at 9:45 am

My situation is extreme and unique. This is our second break up and this second break up was in the same time frame that his brother was murdered and a month later his step dad died. With that being said here is the story.

will try to make it as short as possible feel free to ask questions.

Sorry for the length

So juan and I were together 2 and a half years. Yes we are a young couple. Several months ago we broke up over stupid stuff and it was pretty random the break up, out of the blue. I was having one of those days were your just all emotional and don’t know why. That was the first time I was ever like that infront of anyone and the first time someone ever held me during that time. Anyways I asked him to not go to work that day to stay with me. He was going to call in at first but then didn’t. I got even more hurt and upset. I told him it was over that he left me when I needed him the most. We quit talking for hours. Later on I calmed down and messaged him that I was sorry I don’t wanna break up I was just upset. He didn’t reply so I kinda messaged a lot trying to explain. Three d ays he didn’t even readmymessages. Then he finally did and replied saying he just doesn’t think we should get back together. I told him I agreed with him even though I didn’t. We talked a little bit as friends and I convinced him to come outside and to talk even though he didn’t want to. (he lives across the street with him mom, but often goes to his granmas house that isn’t close to my house.)

He told me he was afraid if we got back together we would just break up again and get hurt again. After that I got this program to help you get your ex back. Lol I was really hurt so I said id go for it. The program told me to do 30 days of no contact which means not talking to him at all. I did so. Also told me to go out on dates. I did so. He found out from his brothers that I was going out a lot and hanging out with friends and guys. He got hurt and scared I was just moving on and I was ok. He started talking to a girl named Emily that worked with him and was flirting with her trying to have a rebound thinking it would help him feel better. About 3 weeks into the no contact he posted a poem on facebook basically saying he regretted his decision. That was his way of reaching out to me cause one I write poems and love poems and two he was afra id thatifhe messaged me I wouldn’t reply and he was afraid to get even more hurt. A week later once it had been 30 days I messaged him. He replied and we messaged a couple time then I told him I had to go. About 4 days later I messaged again and we talked longer this time. He came over to my house after that for my birthday and we just hung out a bit. He tried to buy me a present but the store didn’t have it anymore. A couple more times of messaging he came over again and he kissed me and we got back together.

2 months later after being back together his brother who we were kinda close with was murdered. I was supportive and there for him. 2 weeks after his brother died I felt like he was doing a bit better so I thought it was ok to share with him a bit of how I felt about things that were taking part in my life and how my family and other issues were making me feel really down n depressed lately. Juan starting staying after school to try to catch up cause school is important to him. So I felt like I didn’t get the chance to talk to him. On Wednesday I talked to him and told him ive been going through a lot but didn’t want to say anything cuase he was too. I also told him how I understand how important school is but I felt he was just pushing me to side. I told him I wanted to feel important to him as well. I don’t have to be more important then everything I just wanted to feelequallyimportant. He told me he didn’t have to stay after school Friday. Friday comes along and he tells me he has to stay cause on sat he has to take a test. I got upset with him casue it seemed like he didn’t listen to me at all and he didn’t care he was letting me down

Then I felt selfish for feeling upset with him. We got into a bit of an argument that night and I told him maybe he was better off without me. Basically I broke up with him again. I told him I didn’t want to. He begged me not to but I was feeling selfish and felt like a horrible person. Anyways once again after I cooled off I messaged him I don’t want to be broken up and if we can talk things out. He was asleep at that time. The next day way later on in the day like 5 o clock ish he messaged me hey and we talked normal like we were friends. We didn’t talk about us. I thought it was good he messaged me cause last we broke up he didn’t talk to me until days later and told me he didn’t want to get back with me. That night my phone turned off and quit receiving messages and we didn’t know it at the time so I thought he quit replying to me and he thought I qui t replying to him. That night hemessagedEmily again. (when we got back together he quit talking to her, couple times she messaged him and he never replied.)

After that for 5 days we didn’t talk. Then he messaged me on facebook asking why won’t I talk to him. I told him my phone turned off. He told me he was messaging me all week and thought I didn’t wanna talk to him anymore cause I never replied. After that the next several days we talked normal…. Then one week before Christmas his step dad died. He was sick. We didn’t know it was fatal though. Juan messaged me that day before he found out. When I messaged him back hours later he messaged me saying he didn’t feel like talking right now that he would talk to me later. Next day he told me what happened. He told me he wasn’t supposed to tell anyone outside of the family but he thought I should know. He talked a bit about it with me and then told me he didn’t feel like talkin anymore and how he isn’t really talking to anyone. He was really eff ected by this. Both the these loses in one month apart madehimdepressed and kind of suicidal. One day he would message me and we would talk and then the next couple days no message from him. I waited and didn’t message him. He talked to me about how he felt a few times but mostly he doesn’t want to talk about it or think about it.

a week after on Christmas he came over to my house. I sat close to him on my bed while he looked at my new laptop and he showed me some of his stuff he put on his phone and all. He didn’t pull away from the closeness between us. I gave him a hug saying I was sorry for his loses and he didn’t pull away from the hug. Outside when he was leaving we were standing face to face and he was staring into my eyes and I asked what he was thinking and he started smiling and wouldn’t tell me. Few days after that he came over to my house later and he was flirting with me and he kissed me and we got intimate. I told him I was afraid he was using me for sex and he stopped and just cuddled with me after that. That night we were getting back together cause that is how it always happens for us. I said I love you and at first he seemed afraid to say it but then said it back. At one point he s topped and looked at meandsaid I do. I asked you do what and he said I do love you april. He told me how he missed being like that with me and how much he loves it and told me I am amazing. A couple times that night he started thinking about his dad and brother and got super distant. Didn’t want to be close to me or even touched. Didn’t want me to look at him. One of the times I heard him cry a bit. After about 10 mins he turned around and said sorry and I told him it was ok. The second time he did that he laid down at the corner of the bed and fell asleep so after ten mins I woke him up and asked if he wanted to go home and sleep. He sat up grabbed my hand and kissed it and then pulled me down to lay with him and he held me and squeezed me tight. I stayed awake to watch the time for him to go home. After a bit I woke him up and told him it was time to go home. He got his stuff and I gave him a hug and he went home. He messaged me that he got home and told me g oodnight.

Next day he messaged me saying he woke up feeling like crap. He doesn’t understand anything and he wants to rip his heart out of his chest it hurts so bad. He told me he loved last night and it was amazing. He then got emotional and was saying how I deserve better then he can give me right now how he shouldn’t have come over cause now he just brought me into his mess and how he will only bring me down casue of how depressed he is. He said he thinks its better off he if he is alone and better for me too. Of course I fought against it but he was breaking up with me. Later one we messaged normal again like friends. Days later I told him to be honest with me and asked if he is playing games with me. How I felt he is using me. He said no he isn’t he is just going through a lot and is hot and cold right now. I asked if he used me for sex and he said everything from that night wa s real and I canpromiseyou that. I just think I need to be alone right now. Since then we still message but just normal (its been almost 2 weeks since then). I wait for him to message me first and sometimes he will go a day without messaging me. This week on Monday he messaged and I didn’t reply and on Tuesday he messaged again and I didn’t reply then on Wednesday he messaged me saying “so I guess your done talking to me.” Hours later I replied saying how I have just been busy job hunting and helping my mom and working on this test. He said its ok he understands. Because last time we broke up I quit talking to him he freaked feeling like I was moving on he relates my silence to me moving on so I think that is why he got upset cuase he got scared. He still has out pictures together on facebook and last time we broke up he told me he left them on casue he was still holding onto me.

Anyways Wednesday he flirted with me and we had good conversation. I asked him why he wants to smoke weed now and he said he doesn’t do it all the time just sometimes and cause when he is high its like things slow down and the can think. Then Thursday no message and today Friday his little brother comes over to my house but not him but he messages me a little later.

Im confussed at to why one day he is flirting with me and the next day not a message. Its been a little over a month since his brother died and about 3 weeks since his dad died. At times he will say he doesn’t feel like talking anymore and then an hour later messages someone else.

The past three days he has messaged me. Today since his little brother came over I told him to come over and het out of his house. He said he woke up this morning and didn’t feel like moving so he decided to lay in bed all day. I told him im not trying to push him but my mom is pushing me to push him saying that he is in a slump and getting out will make him feel better. He said “lol Im fine im not in a slump.” Is he still really emotional and depressed but he is just putting on a mask? Or is he honest and actually feeling ok but just doesn’t want to see? And if he doesn& amp; rsquo;t want to see me, why? Why does he message me a lot and still have our pictures on facebook and why freak out when I don’t talk to him after a couple days thinking I don’t want to talk to him anymore?? I am so confused on what to think, he sends all the signs he wants to be with me but doesn’t make an effort. He isn’t talking to any girls on facebook and if he is talking to arylne (who once againdidn’treply to his message but he does to school with so may have just gotten her number) or Emily then its over the phone. Only other person he has talked to on facebook is me and his friend Fernando. Don’t know if he is talking with more people on his phone.

I saw now he is flirting with this other girl. He told me he didn’t reply to me cause he fell asleep but really he was messaging her on facebook. We talked like regular at this time and the conversation died and he replied with a smiley face. I read the message (it shows him I read the message) but I didn’t reply. Since then he hasn’t messaged me. He has been on facebook and talking to her but hasn’t tried contacting me. It’s been a week so far and nothing.

So from here I did 30 days no contact. I did not message him or anything. I did post on facebook but nothing pertaining to him. About the ending of 2 weeks no contact he posted a poem on facebook. Ten minutes after posting that poem he posted the name of a song and the of the artist. He didn’t post the lyrics but just the names.

you are my muse,

I control you, but that is all a part of your ruse

let me believe I have power, but you take me and abuse;

show me what I fear, show me the coward.

moving like a fluid, you are your own worse enemy

you fight the breeze that gives you life,

engulf the air that sets you free,

your existence is a bitter strife,

but your existence is our key,

you are the fire that makes water steam,

to say I control you would only be a half truth,

you are but the seed of creation;

the dream.

you are my muse

This poem has to be about me. I cant see it being about his brother or his dad or anyone else. I doubt it would even be in third person. Not to mention it gives it away that its about me cause the lyrics he posted about ten minutes after posting that poem.

I’m sitting on my porch watching the law

As they ride past in they patrol cars

So tell me why I feel like the enemy

They’re supposed to be here protecting me

I might have went too far

Helping to contribute to making their job hard

Serving fiends like these people ain’t no enemy

I can’t believe I’m out here killing my community

If you knew how far I came

Where I am and where I used to be

I don’t want it, you can tell by the look at me

This gangsta life ain’t no longer in me

[Hook x2: Akon]

And I’m tired of the running, tired of the running

Tired of the running, running from the law

Baby, you gotta believe me

[Verse 2: Snoop Lion]

I know there’s things I could’ve changed, girl

I know there’s things I could’ve done a lot better

Instead, I’m in the streets trying to make that cheddar

Thinking in my mind that you gonna be there forever

I know I could’ve let it all go (let it all go)

But I was thinkin it would make life better (make life better)

Instead I’m sittin in this cell writin this letter

Thought I wouldn’t get caught cause I was way too clever

I learned there’s no one to catch ya when ya falling

And they’ll be no one to hear you when you’re calling

Do you know what it’s like to wake up in the morning

While you’re starvin you’re hearin bugs crawling

Reminiscing on them days you was walking

With pretty women on your arm while you’re flossing

Thankful that I didn’t end up in a coffin

Something we see too often

he doesn’t sell drugs and cops do not come down our street unless they are called so the first verse I don’t think means anything. He doesn’t run the law or get in trouble with the law. Like I said he didn’t post the lyrics he just posted the song and singer. The fact that he posted these things gave me the idea he was once again reaching out to me like he did the first break up. Why else post a poem on facebook about them like that if you weren’t trying to reach out to them? Why reach out like that to me if you didn’t want to be with me? I still waited the rest of the two weeks for my no contact to end.

Once my no contact ended I messaged him. Took him 2 or 3 days to reply. After that when he re p lied I took a day and then we had a small conversation were the replies were more instant. I cut it a bit short saying had to go clean before my mom go home. Couple days later he messaged me first and we talked for a bit but he randomly quit replying. It was a little late then so I assumed he fell asleep. Next day no reply. He did find out that a friend who he doesn’t like came over and he messaged me to not tell him about his brother. I just replied like and hour later with ok and it was left at that. After that couple days later he messaged me saying sorry about last messaged he was just angry he has a short fuse lately. We talked like regular for a while and then I told him I was falling asleep. He didn’t reply to that. Next two times I messaged him first. Haven’t talked since then and hehasn’tmessaged me first and its been a few days. Im not sure if he is only replying to be nice to me or if he isnt making more of an effort and is pulling away due to his depression or what. He is pretty depressed still grieving. He started smoking weed and he flaunts it and brags about weed. He posted yesterday saying “I want a lover I don’t have to love.”

admin

February 28, 2014 at 11:04 pm

Wow that was long.

3,500 words to be exact haha.

No offense but he seems a little unstable lately doesn’t he? The weed stuff… the cryptic messages the “I want a lover I dont have to love..”

Stace

February 27, 2014 at 8:24 am

I’m just wondering if it is too late. For 6 weeks after the breakup I have made the mistakes of looking desperate (I’d say about 4 seperate times throughout the 6 weeks, 2 of the times he led me on/had a moment of weakness himself by coming and kissing me & saying he still had feelings for me) by trying to contact him & begging at times, talking to people about him (2 in turn talked to him for me, even though I did not ask them to!, and 1 was a friend of his that I jokingly asked to talk to him and he told my ex I said this!). So, recently he contacted me back and said he can’t be friends with me, that we are NOT getting back together, and to stop talking to his friends about him (I only did that 1 time). He is obviously frustrated! So in 6 weeks I have not accomplished NC, messed up about 4 times. Do you think I should just give up or that if I really do 30+ days NC it may get us to a better place?
Elle

February 16, 2014 at 5:08 pm

Hey Chris,
I’m wondering if you could provide some insight to the moment when you know it’s time to give up on the relationship and the hopes of a reconciliation.
For example: My ex told me that he’ll always be around if I ever need anything. He said that the breakup wasn’t because there was a lack of feeling and even went do far to say that he still loves me (and is IN love with me- I asked) and we were even affectionate and sentimental the morning of our breakup which derived from a fight we had later in the day. He said all of these things, but then acted the opposite. I’m currently on day 8 of no contact but we ran into each other over the weekend and he ignored me. No, I wasn’t expecting him to approach me, apologize, and say he made a mistake and there was no expectation of skipping off into the sunset together, but I did NOT expect him to ignore me. We were together for a year and while we had a few hiccups along the way they were nothing major- there was no betrayal. No wrong-doing- no lying, cheating, degrading, etc. So why ignore me? I’m a very mature person and I believe in kindness and respect, so having him do that to me was very hurtful though perhaps I am hypersensitive to this.
I’m hoping you can crack the code on his erratic behavior. The whiplash from him being so hot/cold towards me is starting to wear me down and I’m reaching a point of defeat with this breakup. When will I know when it’s time to let it, and him, go for good?
I’d like to add that this our second breakup (both his doing) and I’m unsure if that holds any weight in his behavior towards me. I would also assume that the chances of reestablishing a relationship for the third time is a bit more difficult, so do you have any advice on that as well?

I really do apologize for spamming your website with all of my questions, I am just really struggling with this.

Thank you so much!

admin

February 16, 2014 at 6:35 pm

Do you think he is mature? Has he always seemed mature.
Elle

February 16, 2014 at 8:08 pm

He has always been very mature.
Though I’m not sure the way he’s handling this with me in a mature way, he is the most mature guy I’ve ever dated. Very driven and ambitious. I know he has high expectations of life and the relationships he gets involved in (though I’m his first serious girlfriend).
What bothers me and confuses me is the fact that a handful of hours before he broke up with me, we were fine. Affectionate with plenty of I love you’s. How do you go from loving someone to not, so quickly and so easily?

Thank you for your response.

anonymous

February 10, 2014 at 3:09 am

Hello chris! Gosh. I’ve been spamming on so many of your guides. I wonder if you remember my case? Anyway i’m on day 3 back in contact with him after nc. It was the third time doing nc (did 2wks nc the 3rd time) so far he has been responding to my text msgs at least. Trying so hard not to push and rush things (the mistakes i made after the 1st 2 ncs i did)

Okay. My qns is. how do i know if he is just being polite in replying my msgs timely? these past 3 days i’ve been initiating contact first. Does it matter who initiates contact first? Since so far he’s quick to reply me.

Errr. based on this guide of yours. I guess the only resistance i have now is that he did say “he dont want me” that was months ago when i was being pushy on him.

I’m also really wondering what is going through his mind. Having this ex gf of his (me) who keeps reappearing in his life. Do you think he has thoughts of getting back with me? Since he is replying me. But again. How can i tell if he’s just being polite or have i been friendzoned. At one point. He did ask if i have a bf. But that doesn’t mean anything right?

admin

February 10, 2014 at 6:34 pm

I am sure he has thought about it before.
anonymous

February 11, 2014 at 3:11 am

At one point he was complaining abt the stress of having exams soon. I replied saying “maybe i can help?” Cause i used to take this diploma course he’s currently taking. He didn reply me. I texted him the next day saying “gd morning” he replied “morning” i then said “hw r u today? Dont be too stress over exams okay. Is there anything i can do to ease ur burdens or stress?”

And he didn reply me 🙁 did i screw it up? What should i do now? it gets harder to engage him in a proper convo. I’d like to think that maybe he’s just busy? Should i go into nc again?

I have a gut feeling that he thinks that i’m hinting for a meetup. To coach him for his studies. And he doesn want to meet me. So thats why he’s not replying me or accepting my help? Am i reading too much into it?

Oh chris. I didn mean to sound pushy for a meetup so soon. Was hoping to build up a decent convo with him and see how things go first. Now Its feels demoralizing that he’s not replying me. Do you think i said or did anything wrong? 🙁 what should i do now….?
anonymous

February 11, 2014 at 5:07 am

Oh. I forgot to mention that i send another text saying “send me your tutorial? Maybe i can help” after the “hw are u” text (through whatsapp. He used to take photos of his sch work and sending it to me)

Honestly chris, do you think there is still hope? 🙁

I really hope u can do a guide for ladies who after doing first nc; goes into difficulties like me. And having to keep doing nc. I feel doing nc over and over becomes less effective. But i dont see what else i can do to improve my chances with him 🙁 i kind of feel my texts arent that effective in generating a response frm him. I feel like changing the topic after those texts but then, i’ll be a text gnat! 🙁

Krik

February 9, 2014 at 4:57 am

Hi Chris ,
So I was dating this guy for the past 3 and a half yrs .. It started out really good .. It was obvious that we were truly in love .. But there were smssl small stuff abiut him that frustrated me. and these fruetrations would accumulate and i’d break up with him.. this ysed to happdn very frequently .. after the second yr , he got pissed and broke it off .. bbyt we remsined friends and eventually got back.. But as time passed by he got some new friends who I didn’t really get along with .. N I could feel him moving away from me .. I started getting possessive and acting crazy .. Like saying dont talk to them and don’t meet them and stuff .. Now he again broke it off and I feel really bad .. I know I still love him . We still talk but he seems really disinterested . And I think if I stop telling to him he will forget me and move on because last time bring friends helped me get him bak .what should I do ? Do you think nc will work ? He told me he doesn’t love me anymore .

admin

February 10, 2014 at 5:24 am

I think NC can help yes.
Krik

February 9, 2014 at 5:03 am

Sorry about the typos .
Krik

February 9, 2014 at 5:19 am

Oh and I missed out this .. Immediately after the break .. I got into the crazy phase of begging and pleading (I hadn’t come across your site at that time ) and he said you are only making it worse by doing this, if u ever want us to get bak together you’ve to stop this .

Rachel

February 6, 2014 at 1:51 am

Hi Chris,

We were together for a year. Our relationship ended because I took out a lot of things that were happening in my personal life, on him. So let’s just say it didn’t end pretty. His mom left him and his brother when he was 11 so I can tell he is a bit resistant allowing a woman in his life on a deeper level. I’m pretty much his first real gf and he’s 28 (I’m 26). His lack of understanding how a relationship works led to a lot of unnecessary impatience from me. BUT I saw a lot of progress in him in our relationship and I can honestly say we have what it takes to make this work. Especially now that things have calmed down in my world and also realizing that he means a lot to me and I shouldn’t have been such a loose cannon on him. I’ve gained quite a bit of perspective on how things are going to need to be the second time around.

I did the NC rule for 4 weeks. Last week I called (this was before coming to your site, I should’ve just texted) but then my phone cut out so I sent a text. I said, “Hi. I wanted to leave you a voicemail but my phone cut out. Give me a call back whenever you get a chance.” that was at about 8:00.
The next morning he texted me,”hey, what’s up?. Me-“are you available Friday or Saturday to meet up?” Him-“probably. Is everything ok.” Me-“Everything is fine. I just wanted to talk.” Him-“ok”. Me-“When are you free?” Him-“Saturday is good”. Then I received a text from my sister, changing her birthday dinner to saturday night. I then wrote him, “So I have class in the afternoon and my sister just switched her bday dinner to sat night. So do you want to maybe meet at my place around or go grab a drink around 9?” Him-“on Saturday?” Me-“yea” Him-“Sounds like a plan.”

Come Saturday night I get done with dinner and go back to my house. I gave him a call, no answer. I texted him, “hey! Just got home about 5 minutes ago. Are we still on?”….nothing. Almost an hour passes and I’m actually a bit worried bc he’s not a douchebag guy that would pull a stunt like this. After an hour I wrote, “Is everything ok? I’m sorry I never gave a reaffirmation of our plans earlier today…I just thought we were going to meet @9″…….and still no text back, nothing.

The next night (Sunday) he texted me saying, “I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you. But….I’m happy that your Seahawks won :/ “….I still haven’t responded.

I literally have NO idea what to do. A part of me is beyond livid that he stood me up. And the other part of me is just plain confused. I want to let him know that what he did was not ok and it really upset me. In a weird sense, I think he was scared to meet up with me….maybe scared of how things might go. But who knows, maybe he really didn’t want to see me and he didn’t mean to agree to. I literally have no clue. All I know is he doesn’t have much experience with serious relationships, he’s not a player/douchebag (trust me, I haven’t date a guy like that in years) and he’s definitely more of an introvert.

What should be my next move Chris? I’m so hurt and confused 🙁

-Rachel

admin

February 6, 2014 at 5:54 pm

Wait, how did he stand you up? Sorry, I only quickly read yours (I am so behind on time today.)
Rachel

February 6, 2014 at 6:45 pm

No worries! I’m just happy to get a reply at all 🙂

Well, we made plans via text last Wednesday (Jan. 29th) to meet Saturday night @ 9:00 (Feb. 1st). The convo went as indicated in the second paragraph.

On Saturday night (Feb. 1st) at about 9:15, I gave him a call; no answer. Then I texted him: “hey! Just got home about 5 minutes ago. Are we still on?”….he didn’t reply. After an hour I wrote: “Is everything ok? I’m sorry I never gave a reaffirmation of our plans earlier today…I just thought we were going to meet @9″….no reply from him to that text either.

So basically, he agreed to meet up with me and when I reached out to him, wondering where he was, he never got back to me.

The very next night, (Sunday, Feb. 2nd) after the Super Bowl, he texted me: “I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you. But….I’m happy that your Seahawks won :/ “…..and I never responded.
admin

February 7, 2014 at 6:22 pm

I have actually been stood up on a date like that before. But I didn’t date the girl just got stood up.

Pretty disappointing actually.

My guess is he got cold feet. Or was too nervous to see you.

Julie

January 29, 2014 at 5:06 pm

Hello,
So I did NC, and we started talking, 2 weeks in it was still not really hitting anything in way of him seeming really interested in me more then friends. So I just asked him if I was wasting my time trying to reconnect and be friends. He said no. Then another conversation came up where I hinted more at a romantic involvement, and he said that if we did “anything” it would be brief, cause he is talking to someone who he really likes. I didn’t go all crazy. Although I wanted to. Cause it hurt like hell. I said, no I don’t want to get in between anything that you have going on. I wish you the best and would like to remain friends. (steak in heart) and he wrote back same here. SOOOOO now what?
NC again? I kinda think it is over, and although I am upset a part of me is really resolved with this cause I don’t want him if he doesn’t want me. But I would like advice, cause It has only been 1.5 months since we broke up… I did everything TEXT BOOK.

admin

January 29, 2014 at 7:07 pm

What has your interactions with him been like?
Julie

January 31, 2014 at 2:26 am

Well. I finally realized that the texting thing jay doesn’t work for me. I asked him to do lunch today. And he agreed. It was great we still have great chemistry and talked about everything. He admitted he was really nervous to see me. We laughed and flirted. But he is talking to someone. I think he likes us both. So I said to him. I don’t want to get in the middle. But then he was quick to point out that she was just getting out of a relationship. So e isn’t sure where that is going right now. I didn’t push the subject. We just enjoyed the ret of lunch and he kissed me when we left. I’m still worried. Cause I can tell he is conflicted. And really at te end of the day. He could just be using me until this girl is available. I’m not really sure.
admin

January 31, 2014 at 6:40 pm

Don’t sleep with him until he commits. That is so important.
Julie

February 3, 2014 at 4:22 pm

Thank you, I will wait it out. We haven’t talked in about 3 days. Which isn’t really weird for him. Last message I sent was have a great weekend, so it was totally positive. All our conversations since the lunch have been totally platonic, but positive.
I am thinking of suggesting getting together for a pint if I haven’t heard from him by wed. I guess I am suppose to let him miss me. And I don’t want to send nothing texts. OH and I have a meeting that night, so nothing can happen other then a drink.
Hoping this is the right approach.

Funny thing is, I feel like we are going to be fine. For the first time in MONTHS I am not worried. He will figure things out and we will be together, Something from our lunch, just put me at ease. He referenced future plans together, like this summer ect. So he see’s me in his life.

I will will let you know, cause I want you to add another success storey to your list.

This site has taught me a lot about how men think, and to stop over thinking a lot of things. Thanks Chris.

J
Julie

February 6, 2014 at 1:54 pm

Went on Date #2, was totally cool and calm, never talked about “us” By about 1/2 through he was talking about us doing things together this summer, I just smiled and never committed to anything.
AND… best part ever
He asked to see me again 😀 We are going on date #3 this Saturday. Oh and he totally kissed me… and it was amazing.
Chris knows what he is talking about
30 NC is a must, it was so frustrating at the time, but you have to do that. And PATIENCE in contact. I have really pulled back… and it is working!
The time frame has been 3 months, just in case you are thinking this happened quickly. It didn’t but it is worth the wait. 😀
Kazzie

February 16, 2014 at 11:43 pm

Thank you Julie for your update. I’ve been using Chris’ steps for almost 2 months now and was getting a little frustrated at how long it is taking. It feels like one step forward one step back. We had one great convo on the phone (iIrang him day before he was polite but said he was a bit busy at the time and he rang me back the next day which happened to be Valentines day. It totally wasn’t awkward either we joked abt it) but he’s still hit and miss when replying to my text messages so i feel a bit confused at times.

Thank you your last post has given me the support and confidence I need to relax and not give up it just may need/ take me a little bit more time.
I wish you lots of luck!!
Julie

February 25, 2014 at 1:29 pm

Chris I need advice 🙁
SO an update, Date three didn’t happen. He cancelled on me for the “other” girl he is talking to. So I don’t know if I played it right, but I went about things differently then in the past. about 2 hours later (really when I stopped being really emotional) I responded to his text with “no worries, you two have a great night” I saw him the following week Monday and Tuesday at work. Monday I just drove by ignored him ( usually I would wave ) Tuesday we were in the same space, and he kept trying to talk to me, i half smiled and just played it cool, not mean, not nice and ignored him for the most part. Then on Wed night I got the text “hey” I was like screw this, so I never responded. He was leaving to the Bahamas on Sunday and he updated his BBM status about a million times with when he was leaving ( not typical behavior for him )but I didn’t bite. I never texted him back before he left. I just felt he needed a taste of his own medicine. Im not going to be treated like an option. SO He left, and now he is back (as of yesterday) not sure if I should still just ignore him or text him something? I just don’t want to seem “needy” or ‘desperate” cause I no I can have many other men, but my heart is still stuck on this one… LOL… UGH… so frustrating. SO Chris what are your thoughts? What should I do now? wait or contact? It was 2 weeks sat (feb.22)
Thanks
J
Julie

February 25, 2014 at 4:41 pm

Ok just an another update.
Saw him on site.
I was polite, asked about his vacation. He told me all about it. But was super casual with me. Even kinda left me hanging, said he had to use the washroom and said bye. It was weird.
I didn’t really respond much to that, just left.
So then I was feeling a little like ok how do I show something… So I sent a little text, said “hey, nice seeing you today. Glad to hear the vaca was good. Take care.”
Obviously I haven’t heard back….but I don’t know if I went about it wrong. I am trying to be cool, but show some emotion…. I don’t want him to think im a total B$%*H… so hope that wasn’t the wrong thing to do. But now I know, no more texts, silence. And pray he contacts me again. If he doesn’t then I guess it is over. 🙁 Feeling very deflated today
Julie

February 25, 2014 at 10:47 pm

And
The latest
He asked me to come over to his place this week
He has never booty called me before, but I just felt like this was not the direction I want this to go.
So I said no but if he wanted to do dinner or drinks one night I would be up for that.
I’ve never said no before to him. Sooooo we’ll see.
Any advice would be great Chris.

Marissa

January 27, 2014 at 2:11 pm

My ex and i were friends in high school then started dating. We were together for 4 years and broke up a few times because i was unsure of my feelings towards him. I knew i loved him but wanted to know what else is out there. We always got back together and worked things out. I thought everything was going great between us until he told me two months ago that he knows he loves me but dont know if hes in love with me anymore. I broke up with him right away because i was very upset. I texted him and he spoke to me but never contacted me again. I texted him for new years and he responded. Then we had a big snow storm and he texted me saying becaureful out there. Tonight i texted him telling him that i understand how he felt and we are young and we need to grow on out own. And i dont want to be enemies and i wish him all the best. He responded saying he he feels the same way. It has been two months since we broke up. I love him and i want him back. But i dont know if there is a chance in the future for us. Did anyone ever experience something like this? Thanks for uour advice.
Timer is going off !! And ringing loudly!!

January 21, 2014 at 11:16 am

Hi Chris, first I want to say thank you for putting this website together to help us all getting thru our breakup.. We all want the same thing and that is to have our loves back.., I bought you book 2 months ago.. I was extremely sad and depressed.. I did read cover to cover and it gave me peace that I was doing that I can to bring him back.. He left me for another woman she is 25 he is 38 I’m 44..they had a FB romance ( possibly more) 2 months before we broke up..and he ended taking her on my Hawaii bday trip a week later( unbeknown ing to me then they became official during the trip and he was taking her period!) and what I thought was a classic rebound now becoming more( 5 months total 2-months cheating) facts now he now lives with her in another state and his contact with me is nolonger him reaching out to me anymore.. He was hurt at work a week ago and didn’t know until I checked in with him..we dated 3 years and he was the love of my life.. He said he loved me up until hours he ended it with me(nov) and.back in December before Christmas he was questioning himself if he was making a mistake because he still thought of me..I don’t know what changed his mind..But his action are showing he wants her..I have done NC ( ok for 2weeks) Pulled back.. Trying to sound positive with texts.he always replies back it not the same it’s just friendly…but I need more. The truth is he wants her and has already brought her home to meet his parents and hers! (I know this because I worked for his dad)and I need to let him be.. is my last post for I need to move on..I thought the relationship won’t last because they were brought together by cheating and the 14y age difference…but they are working 🙁 .. I love him with all heart so I must let him have happiness and peace…thank you all that you have done! ReadIng your posts have gotten me thru some tough heartwrenching sleep less nights..You have a heart of gold and a beautiful talent !
Xo Emma

admin

January 21, 2014 at 6:12 pm

How long have they been together?
Timer is going off !! And ringing loudly!!

January 21, 2014 at 7:26 pm

Hey Chris, They official came out as a couple on Nov 12 (he broke up with me on the 2nd of Nov)on FB in Hawaii (my bday trip-he bought for me-took her instead) ..I believe they met in sept( on tour)..

So Nov12-Jan 21 he moved out of state.. She moved to be near him…
He works for a country artist and now on tour for the year..
Timer is going off !! And ringing loudly!!

January 21, 2014 at 11:28 am

Also I want to add.., by mistake a de friended him on FB during Christmas ( I told him it was an error)and sent him a friend request but has not accept it..he abruptly ended us soo fast…very sad ..

LF

January 20, 2014 at 3:19 pm

If your ex ignores you once or twice, could it be that he isn’t interested in the topic?

Kazzie

February 17, 2014 at 1:06 am

^ yep try another topic sometimes it takes a few different ones. I had to think real hard to engage my ex. I know he is a visual person so I sent him a picture message of the ‘new’ me 11kgs lighter, worked perfectly. I would definitely try the jealousy text too if you haven’t already it could be good timing for it.

Anonymous

January 18, 2014 at 4:56 pm

Hi,

I used to post here a few months ago but I kind of gave up, I did 30 days NC and then texted and got a good response but then I went NC again for another 30 some days. I texted again and got a good response but then I continued with NC. I didn’t want to be that ex girlfriend who keeps popping up, and I’ll admit, I didn’t really buy in to your method, it seemed really needy to me. After my 2 texts I started to really think that if he wanted me back, he could come to me. But he hasn’t.

We’ve been broken up since September and I’ve been strict NC for just over 2 months now. I’ve been trying to move on but I just can’t. I feel worse than I did right after the break up.

I want to contact him, but I’m still stuck wanting him to contact me first. I don’t know what to do, I feel so confused. His birthday is in a couple months and I’ll probably wish him a happy birthday but I don’t know. I miss him everyday still. I feel like I don’t even have a shot.

LF

January 21, 2014 at 1:21 am

I don’t think it hurts to try to contact a few times OR until they tell you to stop. When you become the “text gnat” then you know you have crossed over the needy/desperate line.
Matidi

February 6, 2014 at 2:55 pm

Contact her or else you will not move on. Don’t come in as if you want her back….. Also don’t get advices from your friends

Lulu

January 18, 2014 at 11:57 am

Hi Chris,
I really need some advice. I did message you on Facebook back in November but I understand that you are super busy.
My ex and I split at the start of November. I did NC for the full 30 days, and then messaged him in the new year, mentioning a restaurant and the peanut butter milkshakes that he used to love to get there. It was a perfect message. He responded with
“The new girlfriend made me one of those the other day after we had pancakes for breakfast”. It turns out he is back with his ex from when he was 16 (he is now 24) and she has just split up from her ex partner also.
Where does this hatred come from? He ended it with me and I just can’t get over the spiteful message that he sent. He obviously doesn’t want me in his life AT ALL anymore – that message was designed to hurt. and it worked.
Basically what i want to know is – is that it? Is it worth trying anymore? please help me, I am in limbo.

admin

January 20, 2014 at 12:30 am

This site is really the best way to get in touch.

Facebook I ignore people often b/c its just too crazy.

Question.

Do you think he is worth all this trouble? Give me your honest answer.
Lulu

January 28, 2014 at 8:58 pm

I honestly did until I got this message. He’s moved on so fast and has been so nasty – is this a reaction to the breakup or am i just seeing another side to him?
If it’s another side I am not interested in that. I am just trying to understand whether it is or not. Clearly I can’t talk to him. Arghhhh

tracy

January 17, 2014 at 6:31 pm

Alot of articles mention that ex boyfriends speaking to women after breakups is a good sign but ive found that not to be so true. My ex responded to me after a break up but little known to me he was still not getting back. One day after chatting with him and getting my hopes up that he still cared about me, he told me he was seeing someone only after I asked. Then now all of a sudden he ignored 3 of my emails. So how can you say its a good sign when ex s speak to you after a break up when the ex boyfriend can just be leading you on? Am I to assume now that its really over?

admin

January 20, 2014 at 12:16 am

Well, it shows that he is thinking about you.

It is your job after that to reinterest him. Of course, this isn’t 100% going to work all the time.

chandie

January 17, 2014 at 7:12 am

Hi again! You may not remember but I posted my situation a little while ago somewhere on this website and I decided to contact him after 5 months of NC and I got a positive response! I still don’t know if he wants to be just friends or if he still has feelings for me. My question is, how do I keep contacting him from now on? It’s been two days of not speaking to him since I last texted him after 5 months of NC.

admin

January 20, 2014 at 12:07 am

Like how do you continue a conversation?

Mary

January 16, 2014 at 4:18 pm

My ex boyfriend left me after three years because he no longer believes in our relationship and do not want to talk to me. After 30 days of NC I sent a message on whatsapp (positive memory) but no answer. I will try to rewrite in a week but I already know he will not answer.
Ours is a LDR and he is very stubborn … I love him so much and I’m desperate.
What can I do?
Tray

January 15, 2014 at 6:00 pm

Hey Chris,
To break down my relationship a bit…
Basically we were together for 3 months dating for
4 months. Our relationship I thought was overall good
Only problem was my jealously issue and I got a little clingy towards the end… We had
Few arguments about my issue but he always got over it… and one day randomly
He wanted to take a ” break ” even though a few days prior he was expressing himself to me… he then assured me everything was
Going to be fine he just needed a week “break” away from me.
I pretty much didn’t agree so he ended up breaking
Up with me. I tried working things out few days after
But he said he just wants to be single and he doesn’t see
Anything with me in the future… So after he said what he said I didn’t try questioning it really instead I got closure. Our breakup wasn’t bad
We left in good terms… But I do want him back he’s a really good guy and I messed up because I was getting to jealous nothing psycho but definitely changed a bit the last month we were together. My question is that is there even still a chance between us and would NC help my situation?

Sam

March 18, 2014 at 6:22 am

This sounds nearly identical to my situation…We’ve been in contact just about every 7-10 days since break up around January 30, 2014. Not really any contact in between the 7-10 days. I saw him these times to get belongings (He never has my belongings ready), talk…So i’ve seen him 4 times…slept together the second time. Almost slept together the 3rd and 4th times, but I didn’t let it happen. I last saw him on Wednesday, at which point I overstayed my welcome, it got late and he strongly urged me to stay the night because he thought I was falling asleep. I stayed and nothing happened other than kissing and cuddling, until after I should have left already, so after we woke up even…he was very cuddly and close most of the time though, but part of me thinks that he just felt bad. Part of me also thinks otherwise because he kept bringing up old memories (85% positive!) and saying how much fun we always had, and what good memories he had, having my head right in his shoulder the way it used to be. Then he said something about how he got some really strong, loud, overpowering thought in his head and that an inner voice had never been so loud before, but that he didn’t want to share because he thought it’d be selfish bc he “doesn’t know what he’s doing and has had similar feelings before so doesn’t know if they are real”. He has also said things like “I want to spend more time with you, show you i’m not an asshole”, and “i’m not seeing anyone else because part of me is still in love with you” (2 weeks ago)…now, since a few days ago…he has created a new online dating profile and it says this “I know my type and wouldn’t be opposed to settling down with the right woman should I come across her.” …yet he told me that he feel’s we are very compatible and he’s never felt this way before…
Sam

March 22, 2014 at 10:25 am

Any feedback???

Haley

January 14, 2014 at 12:04 am

Hey Chris,
So to sum my situation up, my ex broke up with me at the beginning of August. I found your site and immediately began no contact. After two weeks he contacted me and I did respond and we began talking about getting back together at some point. Things were all fine and dandy until he moved to a new city for his job. He had lost his other job in the beginning of summer and that really took a toll on our relationship because his depression was triggered again. So after he moved, he decided he just wanted to be single and focus on himself and his career. I was really upset but after awhile I started to understand and supported him and his decision. So after a few months of us getting closer and flirting a lot in our conversations he told me if he was going to date anyone it would be me. Of course I was ecstatic because I had been so worried about other girls trying to get his attention and that made me feel at ease. As December rolled around we went on a date and this was the first time we saw each other since August. It was amazing and brought back so many feelings and memories of when we were together. After the date he texted me telling me how he forgot how much fun we are and he was really happy that I got him to go out. (He had been having troubles with his depression in the new city and meeting new friends) So a week passed after the date and things we starting to get even better and I really thought things were finally coming together. But a few days after Christmas, things started to not feel right to me. He seemed a bit distant and I was getting worried because this girl was constantly posting things on his Facebook wall. They weren’t bad or flirty things but it still made me uncomfortable. I didn’t say anything because he wasn’t my boyfriend and I can’t tell him to stop talking to someone, it’s not my place. When we did talk things seemed normal and still somewhat flirty. But it all went downhill yesterday. Yesterday she posted something that made it completely obvious what her intentions were and I could just not take it anymore. I asked him what was up and how I thought everything was fine and how we still flirted, but his response was that he wasn’t flirting with me intentionally. Of course I was devastated. This was the one person who I had been so patient with for months and never pushed anything and for him to say that was just like a breakup all over again. I flipped out on him and asked him why we would go on a date and why he would tell me if he was going to date anyone it would be me? His responded saying that “it’s not like I planned on meeting someone we just started talking.” He then said I do care about you just not in the way you want me to. So basically he did have those feelings for me until he started talking to this new girl then I was friend zoned. I told him to never talk to me ever again and that he just lost someone who had lots of faith and trust in him. He said there’s nothing he can do to make it right and that he lost the greatest woman ever and he’s sorry that I lost faith in him and think bad things about him now. And that was it. I don’t understand what happened. I don’t know whether to be pissed at him and move on because of all that he’s put me through or try once again to get him back. He’s not dating this new girl right now but I suppose it could happen any time. What would you do if you were me? Move on or try again? I really love him but I feel so terrible that he chose another girl over me even after everything we had been through…

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