When You Should Stop Trying To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

1,125 thoughts on “When Should You Stop Trying To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back?”

clare

December 19, 2013 at 1:08 am

My ex and I work together so no contact is quite hard since I have to see him four times a week. I try and keep contact minimal there but it isn’t easy when he acts like we’re best friends.. he even eats food of my plate. Attempting to do no contact I have ignore all of his texts. He sent a message to say he was gonna leave all my stuff in the break room to which I did respond (oops) saying that was and telling I dint want texts from him anymore. the next day though my stuff was not there and he continued to act like best friends.. was he just trying to get a reaction from me since I’ve ignored him?

admin

December 19, 2013 at 7:18 pm

In your case you may have to do limited contact.

Sarah

December 18, 2013 at 8:36 pm

Hi Chris,

I posted a comment a couple of days ago but it doesn’t seem to have come through :/

Anyway, my ex and I broke up 6 months ago after a year and a half relationship. I have read all your articles and have been following them. I did NC and all the right texts. My ex and I have been on a couple of dates, he’s very flirty and open with me now. I assumed that because he was constantly messaging me and talking to me that he wanted to get back with me.

He recently told me that he still had feelings for me and that he hasn’t gotten over me. But that we broke up for a reason and from that conversation, I gathered that he doesnt want to get back together with me.

Do you think that I should just let him go and move on with my life?

LF

January 18, 2014 at 12:15 am

I think this situation calls for a bit more time!
admin

December 19, 2013 at 7:06 pm

What do you think?

Logically what is the best decision for you in the future.

Lydia

December 17, 2013 at 6:16 pm

Hi Chris,

Its been a month and 2 days since i last spoke to ex bf. I have been on the NC rule but today i decided to send him that first text and i wrote ‘I stumbled onto an old photo of me wearing your watch that one time you forgot it at my place and it made me think of you for the first time in a while. It actually made me smile!’ Does this text message look okay to you? I will wait a week and see if i get any response. This is such a scary process cause of the unknown. I just hope i hear back from him but please let me know if that text sounded okay to you.
Thanks!

Lydia

December 17, 2013 at 7:27 pm

He has just replied back to me! And he just wrote, “Thats great!”. I dont know how to react to his response, is it a good thing or?
Lydia

December 17, 2013 at 8:42 pm

Do i need to take control and end the conversation? He gave me such a neutral response. Should i just leave it and not write anything back n just wait a week?
admin

December 18, 2013 at 6:28 pm

Yes you do.

L

December 17, 2013 at 5:10 pm

So I started NC back in October with my ex. It worked in the beginning, he was texting me every 4 or 5 days with just random texts and saying how he missed me and I was his best friend etc etc. A lot of stuff happened in between though and I made some mistakes by I guess getting emotional / giving him too much attention. He told me he loved me and still had feelings for me, but then a few days later I hear that he told someone I know “She’s obsessed with me, she won’t leave me alone, I don’t want her back” yet I had barely talked to him for over a month and had only called him once? When I confronted him about it, he said it wasn’t true but I believe it was. I got angry and dropped some F-bombs on him and told him to stay out of my life, and like a week later I get a text from him on my friend’s phone that says “F*ck You”. I texted him and he was like “Who is this?” and when I told him he’s like “lol please delete my number. I’m done with you!” and then went on to say that he did have feelings and cared about me but now he honestly doesn’t give a f*ck and he’s cutting me out.

So, that was a few weeks ago, almost a month. I’ve made a facebook since then and I see him on it but we’re not friends and we still don’t talk. My friend says she doubts he really deleted my # and was just saying that to be a jerk but idk. But anyways, an ex-friend of his just came out the other day and said that he had slept with me before (not true). My friend talked to my ex about it and he said that he would be hurt if it were true, and then he asked her if I ever talk about him and pointed out that I have a FB now. She asked him if he thinks we’ll ever be cool with each other again or if he’ll talk to me again and he said “Eventually, but not right now.”

My friend says that she thinks he still cares about me because otherwise he wouldn’t care if I had messed around with someone else and also wouldn’t ask if I talk about him, but do you think that’s true? I don’t like how things ended between us and I’d like to be friends with him again, it’s already been almost a month since we’ve seen or spoken to each other, but I feel like it’s on his terms right now. Like I can’t reach out to him, he has to reach out to me. What if he really did delete my # though and then I look dumb for trying to talk to him? Idk. Do you think I should still try?

L

December 18, 2013 at 5:55 pm

Oh, and on Monday I went out with some friends (one of them being that my ex talks to) and she posted about it on her FB. She said that he called her yesterday and straight up was like “So you went out with her? Did she say anything about me?” and then he told her that he doesn’t hate me. But then she told me that at 11:30 PM last night he posted a status on his FB that said “No effort, not even a text. Says it all.” and like a week before that he had posted “I’m just gonna leave it alone and let things go as they may. If something is meant to happen, it’ll happen.” She thinks he’s talking about me but I’m not sure.
listener

December 26, 2013 at 4:11 pm

i have a feeling he knows you are getting to know abt his fb status.

rach

December 17, 2013 at 3:44 pm

Hey, it’s me the Texas girl! So if you remember I’m the one with the vigilante friend who pretended to be me on my phone and asked my ex if we could try things again. So I’m in a much calmer state of mind now, but I’m am quite the thinker and keep running events through my head which is what I’m aiming to ask your opinion on. So, since that incident we have talked a few times, I’m going to lay out these conversations now and hope that they don’t come across as confusing! (Bare in mind this is all after “me” asking for us to try things again and him saying no.)

Tuesday:
7:49 I sent him a screen shot of my ex husband agreeing to finally sign papers
7:51 (him) Well good!
8:00 (him) I am glad to hear that

Wednesday:
5:32 (me) Yea, signing the papers next week
5:33 (him) That’s great!
8:19 (him) I am really happy for you!
8:28 (me) Me too!
I told him a funny story that lasted maybe 1/2 hour and ended the conversation by telling him I had to get the kids in bed, he could talk to me the next day if he wanted.

Thursday:
He starts texting me by asking if I may need some paperwork that he still has to take to my lawyer. I said no and he offered to hold on to it which I agreed to. Then we had a funny conversation which he brought up a memory of our previous relationship, he asked if it was a good memory for me I responded by saying that it was and he said ok. That was the end. I’ve been in nc since, but I did put some good pictures of myself and the kids up on Facebook.

All I know is that if I were dealing with an ex that I didn’t want anything to do with, I wouldn’t act like that. I definitely wouldn’t offer to hold onto anything of theirs either. I’m not wanting to grasp straws, but his actions tell me that he doesn’t really want things to be over and I can’t get past that. So basically what I’m wanting to ask you is what do you think about those actions?

admin

December 17, 2013 at 7:10 pm

Actions matter much more than words and his actions are postive!
rach

December 17, 2013 at 7:51 pm

Great! At least I know that I’m not just having wishful thinking. So as it stands, since the texts went out for us to try things again and he said that “he can’t, it just hurt so much” (as in the break up hurt too much) I have really backed off and put him in the friend zone I guess. We see each other at work quite a bit now, and I have nearly cut out all eye contact, but I will speak to him if he talks to me. Now what I imagine is killing him to a degree is that our mutual friends that we work with have taken his place. As in they will have one on one conversations with me, we will wrestle around with each other, etc. But that used to be us. I can only imagine that he sees this going on and is a bit jealous. I know I would be. However, I don’t know how to go on about things from here. Since he knows I want to get back together, I don’t know how to play things out from here. I’m fine with keeping him in the friend zone a bit longer, but do you think that is my best option? I’m afraid that since he knows I want to get back together, that changes how I come across to him. What do you think?
admin

December 18, 2013 at 6:25 pm

It does change how you come across BUT the fact that he hasn’t flat out told you to stop trying is a good sing.
rach

December 19, 2013 at 3:01 am

Hmmm, ok. So how should I go about things from here? I mean if I am the one initiating the texts that could go against me after a while, but I don’t feel as though I can’t do anything either. This is a whole new playing field as far as I can tell since he knows I want him back. I’ve been re-reading all of your guides and the e-book but I’m not really finding anything definitive for my situation. It doesn’t exactly help that he’s a stubborn one either!
admin

December 19, 2013 at 7:32 pm

When you initiate the texts does he engage in the conversation with you.
rach

December 20, 2013 at 12:14 am

Normally yes he does, but since the text went out about us trying again all that’s been said between us via text is what I wrote in the comment above. I see him at work and typically I don’t speak to him unless he speaks to me, which he does and I’m always very normal when I talk to him. I just really have put the ball in his court as far as initiating communication for now. I’m afraid if I try to talk to him he will just look at it, roll his eyes and think “I know what she’s trying to do.” If you catch my drift.
admin

December 21, 2013 at 3:23 am

I catch your drift.

And for now leave the ball in his court. See if he picks it up and takes a shot.
rach

December 21, 2013 at 3:56 am

Ok, so you and I agree on that. Now the question I’m going to ask I don’t know if you can adequately answer in the comment, but I’m gonna see what happens anyway. I don’t know if he’s just being so nice he’s accidentally given me false hope or what. I know I may seem as though I’m over thinking things, but I’m just trying to find the logic within all this because he’s blowing my mind with the lack of logic he’s left me with. I understand completely not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings but how far will a man go to spare an ex’s feelings?
admin

December 22, 2013 at 2:08 am

I think that depends on if he cares or not. If he cares… he will go pretty far. If not then he will have no problem burning bridges.
rach

December 21, 2013 at 5:30 pm

Maybe I need to expand on my question a bit. The reason I asked that is because he has always been (and I’m talking about post NC) positive, and he would be the one to keep conversations going at times and initiate them at times, bring up good memories and he just really made me feel as though there was a great chance of getting back together. When he was asked to try again his response was that he can’t because it just hurt too much when we broke up then the next day I was trying to rectify everything and apologised but asked if he would at least consider sitting down and discussing things with me as adults which he said he would think on it. Obviously he hasn’t talked to me about things and I haven’t pushed the subject, but I don’t understand his reasonings and answers. I could accept him telling me it’s not going to happen, but this whole wishy-washy deal he’s doing just drives me insane. He’s just being a girl about things.

Linette

December 16, 2013 at 11:47 pm

Hi Christ, now i’ve done no contact. And last weekend I accidentally ran into him at his work (i didn’t know where he work at) and he seemed still interesting in me. So we kinda reconnect and hung out. First I have to say english is not my first language. So I don’t use English very well. When we hung out, I talked about his roomate and just said he was charm, cute… (but i meant it just in a friendly way).. I didn’t noticed anything but after awhile, he stood up to end the day first. Then he gave me a big tight hug. But I kind of feeling a hint like he was not feel good. Now I’m not sure what to do since explaining is gonna be weird. And don’t know how to keep in touch with him as well because he didn’t say anything like ttyl or will text me… just goodbye after big hug and “drive safely”

admin

December 17, 2013 at 6:45 pm

Well, are you doing NC?
linette

December 18, 2013 at 8:07 am

should I do NC now and then start to say hi to him after like a week or so? should I initially ask him out for a cup of coffee? Thank you
admin

December 18, 2013 at 6:43 pm

No don’t ask him out immediately. You want to sort of build up to that or hopefully get him to ask you.
linette

December 18, 2013 at 7:33 pm

everytime i see him, his body language and everything show me that he is interested in me. but now no shool anymore, we dont have chance to meet each other. He doesn’t text me too. Regarding texting, he seems like very laid back from the beginning (or he doesn’t that much into me!?) But again, everyone around me can tell he really likes me by the way he acts. Last time we ran into each other in my story above, he even said that he really concern about me. So that confused me a lot. Also I don’t know if I should get him a Xmas gift?

Thank you Christ.
admin

December 19, 2013 at 7:05 pm

Don’t get him a gift if you are broken up.

Lynette

December 16, 2013 at 6:25 pm

Hello Chris,

I wanted to get some advice on my current situation, please gear up for a long comment (I apologize in advance):

I met this guy (we will call him Q) at my cousin’s wedding on the first of Sept. He pursued me like crazy and was very affectionate. I am sad to say that we slept together very quickly, but he still pursed a relationship with me. Within three weeks, I was meeting his family and within four weeks he told me he loved me, gave me a key to his place and everything. We moved really fast…he even told me that he felt like he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I will not go into the details, but the gist of it is that right after that, the busy season at his job came and he started working like 7 days a week, it was hectic for him and we did not get to see each other much and I understood…but I still felt like he was being flaky. Long story short, we had some drama with the mother of his child who was upset because her daughter told her that Q had told her that he was serious with someone and would have her meet her soon. It was a big scene (not with me, I just sat there and let the drama play out). He told me he loved me, but never stopped being flaky. I went into NC and about 7 days in, he sent me a text that said:

“I hope you are doing fine. Whenever you get time, you can get your things, just make sure I am there. I will be moving in two weeks”

I knew his lease was up because we had been talking about it…I was hurt and felt like it was over…about an hour later, I responded with:

“Good morning, it is good to hear from you. Life has been a bit crazy, but I am great. Just let me know a convenient time to come. I hope you are doing good as well.”

He ended up calling me that night and said that he just wanted to call since he had not talked to me in a while. I asked him when a good time would be to get my things, he said that I could come over at lunch if I wanted to. The next morning, I sent him a text that said:

“Good morning. I wanted to know if it was okay to drop by this morning to get my things, I have lunch plans this afternoon.”

He called me when he got off (he works overnight) and was said that he was on his way home and that I could come on over so that I would not be late for my “lunch date” (I never said I was going on a date, I just said I had lunch plans that I had forgotten about)…

Anyway, when I went there, I gave him a hug and we sat down and talked for a bit. He basically apologized for how he had made me feel like I was not a priority and for the drama with his daughter’s mother. He said he wanted to start over and that he missed me. He told me that he loved me alot. He did not want me to take my things, so I left them there. We hugged and kissed goodbye. That was Dec. 4. He called me that night on his way to work and we made plans to spend some time together the next day…I NEVER HEARD FROM HIM!! I was just shocked!! Why even do all that?! I went into NC that Sunday and have not contacted him since…so it has been 8 days. I just wanted to get your opinion on all of this.

Is this situation hopeless? We never had a “breakup” or a fight or anything like that. The last interaction was him hugging and kissing me…it is all so confusing…

admin

December 17, 2013 at 6:29 pm

It’s not hopeless but it is not going to be easy.
Lynette

December 18, 2013 at 4:04 pm

Is there some reason other than the obvious (getting ex back is tough) reason that this will not be easy?
Lynette

December 18, 2013 at 4:09 pm

Also, he asked me to leave my things over there when I came to get them…doesn’t that mean anything?

Liz

December 16, 2013 at 4:43 pm

I thought I was doing well and starting to process things until I got a text last night from what I thought was a friend. He’s not exactly the most trusting of people but the last time I contacted him he had had information regarding me and my ex that was true. So now I don’t know if what he text me last night is truth or not. He told me that he heard rumors going around that my ex has been telling people that I broke it off with him to leave him for someone else. What am I supposed to do? I feel angry and hurt and confused. I don’t know what to believe but if it’s true why would he do this to me? All I can think about is getting revenge. Of trying to find the truth and messaging my ex to let it all out I don’t know if I care about being with him now. I feel like I never even knew him. What do I do if these rumors are true?

Marta

December 16, 2013 at 11:04 pm

Why did you broke up?
Maybe he’s trying to be the “broke one” out of this situation. You know that guys (almost) never confess to be the “bad one” so maybe that’s why he’s trying to put a blame one you?

Marta

December 16, 2013 at 3:22 pm

Hi
So I found your website because… I want my ex back (what a surprise!). I’m from Poland, and “e” key sometimes not working but hope you will get a full picture of the situation.

So… I need your help. Really. The guy is too difficult to figure out on my own. Why? Because he’s 22. And he’s an only child. And philosopher. Can you see this mix? And to make it worse – after his break up with his high school lover (2,5 years ago) he changed so he’s not binding to anyone or anything.

Let’s get started.
We met about year ago. He was just leaving this club and I just walked in. He was smoking his last cigarette, me – my first. And he was starring at me. And it just happened (we were both really drunk at the time). He asked me for my number, we kissed and he left (At the time I was 22 so it wasn’t really thing for me). But next day he called and asked for a meeting (still, nothing big). And we went for a drink. A couple of drinks. And end up at his place. At the morning he made me a pancakes and coffee and after than I left to work (still, not a big deal). But it started happens more often and often (it was much closer to my work from his place than from mine). After a 2 weeks (I don’t really remember) he was really drunk, we had a little argument and he told me he love me (still, not a big deal). And than he left for Christmas to his parents (we’re living in the middle of country, and his parents in town at the sea side – about 4h drive). And it was different. Every time when he was leaving to his parents he acted differently. He called only once a day (unlike here, when he was calling or texting a lot to me just to ask when I’ll be back or that he’s missing me), without any emotions (like “I love you”, “I miss you”, “I can’t wait to see you again”), just saying what he was doing, asking “How are you” and that’s it. But when he was coming back everything was “back to normal”. When I was asking him why he’s acting so differently he was only saying “Because I have a different life there”.
Anyway, it was almost perfect. He forbore my bad moods (I am the youngest so I was very spoiled) and I was taking him out when I saw that he’s too long in his “philosophical reflections” and he’s going too deep. Everytime I was coming back from work – dinner was waiting for me. We didn’t have fights about domination or something like that. We were just happy. He was going out with his friends when I was sleepy – not a problem. I was going out when he was writing – not a problem. We were partners – not each others slaves.

And than summer came. And everything changed. Because he went back to his parents and had a good job for summer. But he wasn’t used to work (here, he was writing and making some music, while his parents though he’s studying so they were sanding him money) so he was tired and angry all the time. But, after a 1,5 week he got a day off and came to see me (9h in train to see me for less than 5h). After another 2 weeks he came for night (came at the evening and was leaving next day morning). Anyway, he couldn’t answer me when he will invite me to his parents house (his mum is a bitch, but dad is really nice guy). And he left. After about 1,5 week I was about to have a little surgery at the hospital (I was going out the same day but was really scared). I asked him if he can come to see me before that. That we can have the last sex before the surgery, and he answered me “You have to figure out something better to bring me back, than sex”. Ok, so I went to visit him (surgery was on Tuesday, and I visited him on Sunday before). 4,5h in a train. It was terrible. I was going to make a surprise. And it was my biggest mistake. When he opened the door he was angry as hell. “What are you doing here? You should have called. It’s not cool to make a surprise like that” so I said “Ok, so I’m leaving”, shot the door and go out. And than everything fall apart. I went crazy all summer. I was calling to him a looot trying to understand why? what happened? But I failed. And when he wasn’t answering, than I was insulting him. I know, I know. But what happened, happened.
And about October he came back. And I went to his place to get my things back. I was trying spoke to him but I failed (again), he wasn’t even looking at me. Just staring at the monitor. Even if I told him to tell me that he doesn’t love me any more, he said it looking at the monitor – not me.
So my insulting came back. I was trying be nice to him, but it didn’t work, only when I was bad to him he was answering. Than, I stopped. About 1,5 month ago. And my friend walked in. She was getting high with him, trying to bring out something from him but he was like “I do not want to talk about it or her”. Bad… really bad. And than, my chance showed up. He was at some “Stand up” when he performed and he get drunk. And he took some DMT (?) (I was scared as hell, because he NEVER took anything beyond green) and my friend found him at some pub. He was in so far-away-place so she said to his “friends” that she will take care of him. She called me to get him to a cab and go to home with him (I was babysitting her kids so I was all settle up). In a cab he asked me if I want to come in. So I did, and stayed all night because I didn’t know what to expect after this DMT + alcohol. He was very grateful that I stayed for a night (I made a breakfast and didn’t say anything bad about his acting or about US). A four days later, we met again. Just to get high and drunk. He told me to stay for a night, because “I’m not letting you go in this condition”. And I stayed. But I left in the morning to work. After two days, I called him if I can stay at him for 8h (for two days), because my co-workers “order” me to stay at home because I’m “sick” but I’ve got a really bad situation with my parents, so they couldn’t know that I wasn’t going to work. He said that’s not a problem. So I came to him, brought some breakfast, watched some movie, talked about safety topics; for two days in a row. And that’s it.

I don’t know what to do. I’m not calling to him, or texting. I’m not showing up at the clubs where I know he is. When I see with him, I’m not talking about “coming back”, or about emotions or anything about us. But I don’t know what to do. I know that in a few weeks he will be leaving to his home town. He’s got a job there, just waiting for a sea to calm down. I’m ok with moving out there (I’ve got really bad situation with my parents, so it’s not a problem to move out as far as I can) but I don’t want to do it if it might have destroy what I have right now.

“No contact rule” is not an option. Because as I said at the beginning – he’s not binding to anyone. “If you’re gone than you’re gone. Nothing to do with it” – that’s how he thinks. Not only about girlfriends. About friends too. About anything. So, not contacting with him for XX days is not going to make him missing. I’m trying (it’s very hard) to contact him as less as it possible. Since we had seen last time, I didn’t call him or text. But neither he.

So, what’s your opinion? What am I supposed to do? I really need your help. But he is so difficult guy, so proud and I can’t fine a way back to his heart.
Please Chris, help

P.S. I got an “Auto Response” – believe me, when my situation will get better, I will buy your book, but $39.95 it’s like 2,5 day of my work so I just simply can’t afford it right now ;/

admin

December 17, 2013 at 6:27 pm

Tell you what!

Why don’t you contact me at [email protected] and we can see if we can make the book more affordable for you.

Sarah

December 16, 2013 at 9:14 am

I’ve done everything I possibly can with my ex boyfriend including no contact, using the recommended texts, going on dates with him.

He told me that he still has feelings for me and he likes me but that he knows he doesn’t want to get back together with me.

Is it just time for me to move on?
lj

December 15, 2013 at 10:49 am

Hi chris, I would like your opinion on this subject.
7 years ago I met this guy who’s never been my boyfriend btw, he REALLY liked me and I wasn’t ready for him I was young, he asked me to be his gf, I said no, he said I hurt him. We still spent time around eachother and after a few months I wanted him I fell inlove with him and then he said no. We had a picnic in the park and he stood up and walked away saying we aren’t in a relationship so why Are we doing relationship things and stormed off, it ended badly and it broke my heart, Basically missed my chance, he got back with his ex soon after, I still chased him I’m ashamed to say but atleast once a year when he was single we’d meet up to talk and hed always say to me if I’m ready in 20 years and just turn up on your doorstep what will you say? And that no girl could get him to meet up like I could. Anyway he knows how much I love him, he’s never given me straight answers. Were both in our late 20’s now, not children anymore and I have been working abroad, I moved to dubai for 8 months and he sent me a fb request, we started talkng via email, skype and I told him after everything I had no faith in us and that we didn’t suit and I wanted to be friends, its been 7 years and all you do is run. Then he got very upset started sending email after email,saying he understands the lack of faith but he wants to talk to me. Then he sent me a 10 point list, basically saying how amazing he thinks I am and how loyal I am to be here after 7 years. So I asked him straight out to be m boyfriend and he doesn’t gve me a yes or no answer! We contine to talk and make plans to meet up, Anyway I get back from dubai and within that first week I go straight to London to spend the weekend with him on his suggestion so we can Talk properly face2face, we have dinner, I drink too much wine, were back in the hotel room and I decide I want to go out to a bar as I’m in London, I get in the shower and next thing I know he walks in their with me and he kisses me. No sex involved but it was extremely passionate. We then get to this bar all happy, dancing and holding eachother, having a great time. He then goes to the toilet, I’m sitting in the vip corner, fully clothed minding my own business and some guy from another table comes over with a drink and says we can’t drink all these drinks, this is for you. Out of politeness I take the drink and put it straight down on the table, I don’t drink drinks from strangers and if I hadn’t been so tipsy I probably wouldn’t have taken it out his hand. Anyway my guy walks back in and sees this, he immediately grabs both our things and says come on were going, we get to the cloak room, and to make matters worse some girl comes over to him to say your friend (me) is so beautiful your so so lucky to have her and then another guy starts flirting with me in the que. We finally get out, he’s angry, won’t let me hold his arm, then says I can’t believe you accepted a drink from another guy, there are rules and boundaeries to this thing!! What thing?? So he then storms off literally and leaves me in london in the hotel alone, the next morning I texted him to explain and he says he only wants to be friends but that he had an amazing time so I say ok cool. Just to calm the situation down and ask if he’ll still meet me as my train isn’t for another 8 hours!. But no, He woouldnt meet up with me on my last day in london and that really upset me to the point I’m bursting into tears in the street, so I go into chase mode text after text, apologising for putting the drink on the table when in actual fact I did nothing wrong, we aren’t even a couple ,eventually after being abandoned I go back to my home in a different part of the uk and I’m still trying to talk to him, I’m distraught, can’t even eat, the day after he sends me an email saying he doesn’t Love me and that he has no feelings for me so on that basis he is unable to have a relationship with me, so at this point I’m thinking, why did you get so upset at another guy buying me a drink then if you don’t actually have feelings for me. He said I must think he’s a mug, a guy calls you beautiful and offers you a drink and u accept. I explain everything to him and how in my job we are use to it, and I didn’t want to be rude. I even highlight how loyal he was calling me the other day and the fact that I’ve waited for him for 7 yeasrs and seen hm get into relatioships but just not with me. So he says he wants nothing to do with me and that its nothing to do with the drink, that he accepts my apology, he just doesn’t love me, thinks I should find someone else and that time and effort has been wasted and he’s not wasting anymore! The silent treatment from him starts again something he’s always done to me over the years, the longest time a whole year. The number I had for him is off and has been since london, I’m crushed but I think to myself I’ll give it one last try, so I send him a fb msg, were not friends on their btw. I ask him to marry me because I’m serious, no response I talk to his friend who I’ve never met b4 and his friend replies, he wants nothing to do with you, its nothing to do with the drink and that I should move on. I don’t reply to the friend and haven’t made any contact since, the last message he got from me was that proposal, its been 5 days and on the 30th day, that is the day I leave england and my flight to spain to work there for a whole year. I’d honestly give it all up for him but it doesn’t matter what I do its never enough. I have never loved anyone as much as I do him! There’s nothing I can do, would the 30 day nc Rule even work on him.
Apologies for the long msg, I had to get it all out x

admin

December 15, 2013 at 7:45 pm

Yes I think it is worth a shot!

Tyra

December 15, 2013 at 12:11 am

Hey chris, here’s my problem, me and my ex broke up in the late august a week after he took my v-card (I was angry that he showed someone his gentile). He quickly apologized after n I forgave him and we became friends. 2 weeks later he started to text me and kept asking me for a second chance but I didn’t know what I say he started to apologize to me for all the bad stuff he did n promise that he’d change and that he wanted to make it up to me and if I’d give him a second chance I still didn’t know what to say so I I’ll think about it. After that we completely stopped talking n 3 weeks later he told his friends that he got a new gf, at the time I was angry so i pulled the NC for 2 months i got fed up because he kept telling my friends its my fault we broke up n tht we coukd have still been together so i decided to text him n ask abt his gf because in the middle of the NC “his gf” texted me off of his phone asking for a pic of me.. While I was along he was kinda giving off an attitude n texted 15-30 mins late every time so I got fed up n said “If u didn’t want to talk u could have said it” he didn’t reply to it n he was talking to my bestfriend at the moment n she asked if he wanted to get back with me his reply was “naw!!” so she got angry n told him that he ruined my life. Because he kept on telling everyone but my self that he didn’t want me, I texted him n said “do you want me in your life YES or NO?” he texted me back 5hrs later and said “Maynee” I was asleep do I didn’t reply the next day he texted me and asked if I was okay every since than all he’s been doing is staring at me even more than he was before the incident, (he even watched me walk home one night) . Ever since then we havent spoken only stare at each other for long periods of now the other night I was sitting alone n he came with some of our friends I was texting n when he saw me he stared at me while sitting infront of me and turning so he could see our friend and I . Late on our friends left us ALONE, I sat there for no more than a minute then took up my stuff n went somewhere else (I couldn’t bare to sit there idk y). After that he kept walking as if he was going to come to me and then turn away n staring at me. I’m confused n I don’t understand why he’s doing this ..

admin

December 15, 2013 at 7:30 pm

May I ask why you would want someone back who clearly isn’t to be trusted righ tnow?
Tyra

December 16, 2013 at 12:34 am

No.. It isn’t right. But I’m trying my best to move on but every time I feel as if I’m almost there he does something or says something to get my attention & every time he sees a friend of mine he tries his best to make me jealous, it’s as if he doesn’t want me to get over him and any time he sees me with my guy bestfriend he talks bad stuff about me when I’m not around. I don’t think I want him back, and I knew it wasn’t going to be easy but he makes it 10 times harder for me to move on. Also he has this thing were he believes that I am “HIS” & that no one can take me away from him, I want to know how can I make it clear that theirs no longer a “us” because he’s every stubborn n believes “even when we aren’t together, we are together” ( he even once showed off on my previous ex that I am “HIS” and bragging to him about stuff we did) and he doesn’t take me seriously, how do I make it clear & show him?
admin

December 16, 2013 at 6:32 pm

Well, cutting him off completely might do that hahaha.
Tyra

December 15, 2013 at 12:19 am

I said*
Long periods of time*
n staring at me as if he’s going to talk to me (he even whispered something once but I was too busy rolling my eyes at him)*.

Reshy

December 14, 2013 at 3:24 am

Hey chris
So i dont know if u remember, but the last time we talked, u said try to get my ex to go out with me one more time. So we will see eachother soon for a friends bday. Now we talked things out, and he told me the reason why he left me hanging. He told me how he left like him and his family was not good enough for my parents. He feels like my mom has too mich expectations for him and it stresses him out. Even though his mom and my mom are best friends, he still feels like she doesnt like him. And there was points my mom did show it. But anyways, he told me straight up that he doesnt want to get back with me because he doesnt want any drama. He also told me to stop trying. But he did say he wants to be my friend. And he loves it that way. He likes having me as a friend. He also said that he knows no one will love him the way i do. But he had no choice but to break up because he knows my mom wont be happy. We did talk normally after that. Im still hurt and upset but I guess in life either u get one thing or nothing. So i guess he really does mean it right? He actually just want to be friends and nothing more?

admin

December 14, 2013 at 10:28 pm

I would say yes… though in the future his feelings may come back but right now it appears that is not the case.
Reshy

December 15, 2013 at 12:23 am

So is it okay to be friends? I mean I’m okay with it but it just hurts to knowing that things would have worked but he let that one issue get between us. And I guess I’m at a point where I should stop trying?
admin

December 15, 2013 at 7:30 pm

If it is ok with you it is.

sara hussain

December 13, 2013 at 10:35 pm

My ex broke up with me and its been 3 months, he contacted me a lot for the first month after the break up but then stopped and now he keeps texting me to say he seen me today or ask how I am and I give one word answers.. Why does he still contact me after so long?

admin

December 14, 2013 at 10:20 pm

You are on his mind so that is a good thing.

Payton

December 13, 2013 at 4:45 pm

This was by far my favorite section yet. Excellent work Chris!

My ex was extremely nice to me after the break up before I did NC. After 2 failed attempts at contacting him I read this page. Before I read this section I would have done anything to get my ex to talk to me let alone get him back. After reading this a few weeks ago, I discovered I do not want my ex back. The part that stuck out to me was when you talked about the future. I determined my ex was never going to be able to shape in with what I want, no matter how much I would like him too. My future is way more important to me than that jerk ever was. I also have had a clear mindset after reading this, I was able to take off the relationship/love drunk goggles and see that he was not as great as I thought he was. My ex was extremely self centered, immature, and an over all douche bag. I think we do all get caught up in the moment and do not think about months and years down the road. I do not know what the future holds, but if my ex were to tell me right now he wanted me back my answer would be no 🙂
claire

December 13, 2013 at 7:08 am

Hi chris, thanks for all your insight into relationships most especially from a male perspective as i have found talking to other girls doesnt really take u nowhere apart from emotional back up…lol. Anyhow i am 20days NC with my ex who has a new chick now. However he does constantly call/text me asking for ridiculous favours the most appalling being ringing me and asking me to tell some girls his with to back off. The pointless contact from him continued and latest is him texting me to ask why I am avoiding him. What i would like to know from u chris is(from ur perspective)why is he continuing to contact me despite my withdarawal and when he does contact me, he seems to just want to take the piss.in addition,why is he asking why i am avoiding? cant wait for your take on this (: claire

admin

December 13, 2013 at 7:38 pm

To me it seems like he just wants you to be someone to lean on b/c he realizes he has no one to talk to… DON’T do that for him! If you do you risk being friendzoned.
claire

December 13, 2013 at 7:28 am

In addition to the above, amongst his pointless communication with me, is him calling/texting saying he is bored, cant sleep or he is having nightmares. just thought to add that in for further clarification.Waiting for ur response Mr seiter! claire

Liz

December 12, 2013 at 4:06 pm

I’ve been thinking of giving up because of my suspicion that he’s seeing another girl. One I had asked him to not talk to over a year ago, and as far as I know, he had avoided her until he broke up with me. What if I feel I never got the actual truth as to why he broke it off? I don’t feel I got to hear him explain and talk out what he was feeling because of how it ended (during a heated argument about something different that eventually led to the breakup) What do I do in that case? If he is seeing this girl, I don’t think I’d want him back. We had had fights over this girl before and that was the origin of the bad fights and he insisted she never meant anything to him but him seeing her now completely says otherwise. What do I do if I don’t know the truth about anything? Give up or not?
Eren

December 12, 2013 at 1:25 pm

Hi Chris

For the first time it seems like someone is giving advice minus all the BS… When you get advice from family and friends, its starts with “he will see that he is wrong and you guys are going to be back together in no time” and now it’s at the point where all I hear is maybe he isn’t good for you and don’t deserve you.

So my boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half and like every relationship we had our bad moments but we also had tons of amazing moments. I know this sounds stupid but ever since I met him I knew that he was the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But back to the issue at hand…

About a month ago all was great, we had a minor disagreement about something very silly and that night he tells me he doesn’t think he can be in a relationship. Off course I went all crazy, I drove to his place and tried to talk things out that very night but nothing worked. I tried the no contact rule but failed after a week, and asked him to come over when he did things got pretty nasty. (I just don’t understand why we broke up when he himself said we have more good times than bad… I was super angry so I said some bad things)

A few days later I was still calling him and he was talking to me and last Friday I called to apologize for my behaviour and I said I was hoping we would work things out and he says that is never going to happen. How do I know if he is serious??? He hasn’t deleted me off his I.M and he still has my family there as well. I was brave and decided to delete my I.M account for a while and I haven’t tried to contact him since last Friday.

I love the guy so very much… So much so that I’m asking your advice (a person I don’t know). Do you think there is any hope for us?

admin

December 12, 2013 at 7:31 pm

I think there is hope but don’t fool yourself into thinking that b/c there is hope this process will be easy.
Eren

December 14, 2013 at 1:21 pm

I don’t care if its a difficult process or that is might take long. How do I do it?
admin

December 14, 2013 at 10:35 pm

Haha well that is kind of what the site and the E-Book are about… the process

Lydia

December 12, 2013 at 12:13 pm

Hi Chris,

I am on day 26 today with the NC rule. I have been keeping busy, i got a new job that pays well, i go to the gym regularly, i have even been on a date twice with this another guy but it was just for me to try and put myself out there really and nothing else. But having been on these 2 dates with this other guy since my ex, i wake up feeling sad, i feel my emotions got a set back a little, i am feeling like i appreciate my ex more, its made me feel like no one can even compare to him. I dont know if the dates were a good thing for me or not because i feel like it made me realise that i want my ex back more than ever. I only have a few days left to until i attempt a contact via text to my ex and im getting more and more nervous. Do you think i am doing the right thing dating, i have not gone past just having a conversation on those 2 dates, nothings happened but i feel guilty. Maybe i am not ready yet, would you advice i extend my NC period?

admin

December 12, 2013 at 7:28 pm

If you feel it is the best thing for you.

Rachel

December 11, 2013 at 5:00 pm

Hi Chris!
I’ve posted a few times, and you’ve been super helpful! Background – briefly dated a guy, had a major breakdown, and he rightfully walked away. It’s been months, and I’ve been working super hard on improving myself and taking care of the reasons that led to my breakdown!

So I’ve been trying to slowlyyyy re-establish contact. I emailed him yesterday for some gym advice. We emailed back and forth a bit. He responded quickly (within mins!) but was very neutral. I sent a pic of my arms and he said “haha. very nice. don’t make me attach a pic..i’ve added about 10 lbs of muscle since the summer” i waited a few hours and responded with “lol oh yeah? i dont believe it ;)” and… nothing. a few hours later i was looking through my email folders and it didn’t appear in my sent email, so i sent another email thinking i hadn’t really responded (apparently i accidentally moved the sent email to a different folder, thats why it didn’t show up). I said something to the effect of “i could have sworn i responded, but it’s not showing up. however, without photographic evidence i will need to assume my arms are in fact better :)” again… no answer.

this morning, i logged into my gmail account for the first time in months and i saw his name in my google hangout section. i sent an email asking about google hangouts and how/why people show up (i never use my gmail!) once again… no response.

any ideas? im just worried i was a bit too pushy. i figure i’ll wait a few weeks before i try to reach out again.

admin

December 12, 2013 at 1:56 am

Do you know if he checks his email often?

Lay off for a while if you feel you are being pushy though.
Rachel

December 16, 2013 at 4:28 pm

yes, he checks his email every day. i never got a response. I think he got scared off because I was too flirty? I’ve been doing a lot of thinking though and I am thinking of giving up. I just don’t know, given our circumstances if it’s realistic. i lied about some pretty messed up stuff to him and blew up his phone for like a week straight. he barely even knew me. :-. I’m actually VERY surprised that he responds to me at all, because if the situation was reversed there’s no way i would EVER talk to him again. i think he’s just being polite. that being said, IF i decide to try one last time, i need some guy input. I’m assuming I scared him off by being a bit too flirty (hey, he offered to send me a pic of his body, what was i supposed to think?! lol). What is the best way to handle that? Do I try emailing him another question related to the topic we were discussing (working out) to make him comfortable again…. or do i give him a few weeks space?
Rachel

December 11, 2013 at 5:14 pm

oh and i know this interaction doesn’t sound slow, lol.. but i’ve tried brief conversations with him in the past, this was the longest one we had. just to clarify! 🙂

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