When You Should Stop Trying To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

1,125 thoughts on “When Should You Stop Trying To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back?”

Molly

December 11, 2013 at 4:35 pm

I was in a long-distance relationship. We started dating properly in November but come April I ended it, as he didn’t seem committed (apparently we needed some sort of excuse, e.g. work related, to see each other – we live in different countries, but he often has meetings in mine). That was really hard. I was gutted, and didn’t want to end it, but there didn’t seem to be any other option. He also seemed to take it very hard. However, after about a week of no contact, he then just started contacting me as per usual – i.e. constant emailing and texting. I made further attempts to make us have a proper break btw our ‘relationship’ and a ‘friendship’ but he would always break no-contact (despite agreeing to it)… and yes, I was a bit weak and didn’t ignore. Couple of other bumps along the way. Then in September I said i don’t want to be just friends and so we needed to have a proper break. The same day I found out he was seeing someone else. I was upset. He said he’d been seeing her for 2 weeks (I’m not so sure). I went NC. He started being horrible via facebook – indirectly, making thinly veiled attacks on me but without referencing me. He then went on holiday with her, twice over the next couple of long weekends. I was more bewildered by this behaviour (the attacks) than anything else – I didn’t deserve it and really, I’d done nothing wrong (which of course is not to say I was perfect throughout the relationship). After 6 weeks of NC I texted. It didn’t go so well – my fault. He did respond, even asked a question, but my emotions got the better of me, I wasn’t nasty or anything, but I wasn’t positive either. He reacted the next day by putting up a profile photo of him and the new gf on facebook. I didn’t react to this either, but it was the most hurtful thing and sent me spinning a bit. He texted me a couple of weeks later just telling me he was on TV. Nothing more. I was still hurting so just responded the following day saying I didn’t get that particular channel (we always responded to each other within an hour). I miss him so much. (I’ve seen your long distance page, by the way) Though, I guess, maybe all this really means is he doesn’t want to commit to me? And I guess, maybe this doesn’t make sense either. It hurts that he seems to be flaunting this new gf and doing stuff with her which he knows I wanted to do with him.

admin

December 12, 2013 at 1:53 am

Have you read my long distance relationship guide yet?

Kate

December 10, 2013 at 6:11 pm

I did NC for 30 days. I started texting him again with your texting examples, getting positive and neutral responses for a few weeks. Then, he took the confession as actually something serious, and when he found out it really wasn’t serious he has not responded to me since. I waited 1.5 weeks, texted him one of your scripted texts, and still no response a couple days later. (His depression came back a couple months ago, so he hasn’t hung out with many of our mutual friends.) What do I do next? Much appreciated.

admin

December 12, 2013 at 1:15 am

Well, were you able to yield any positive responses?
Kate

December 12, 2013 at 4:09 pm

I messaged him twice, no response…

rach

December 10, 2013 at 2:29 am

I feel as though the past two months of patiently working towards getting him back were completely blown by my friend. My friend has been on my butt about just being straight up and asking him to try things again, but I wouldn’t do it against my better judgement and your advice. So she asked to borrow my phone and not thinking about it I let her. She texted him as though it was me and just straight up asked if we could try again. He said that he couldn’t, it just broke his heart too much from our break up. She kind of got a bit of an attitude with him. I completely freaked out when I realised what had happened, I mean I felt as though I had just been broken up with all over again because of her. So the next day I apologized for “my” behavior. (I was afraid it would come across as though I was telling a lie if I said my friend had been the one talking, so I figured it would be better to look a little desperate than a liar.) Since the damage had already happened I asked him if he would at least think about sitting down and discussing things with me. He answered by saying he would think. Hey, that’s better than a no I guess. I just don’t know what to do from here. I feel as though she completely screwed everything up. I can’t just give up though, that’s not my nature. Do you have any advice where to go from here?

admin

December 10, 2013 at 7:05 pm

Yes, start off with the no contact rule. That is the best idea for you right now.
rach

December 10, 2013 at 3:59 am

I honestly never thought that I would feel the need to give you back ground, mostly because I know you really are busy, but I feel the need to. Maybe it’s because I just feel defeated. Before I at least had hope, but now that’s mostly gone and I’m just confused and questioning everything. I got with my ex husband (who is absolute scum and don’t want him back) when I was 17. I filed for divorce ten years later. The only reason I filed was because my ex boyfriend (who I do want back) opened my eyes to how mistreated and abused I was. He also paid for the divorce which wasn’t cheap. I mean this man honestly saved me, and stuck by my side without any guarantee of me leaving my husband. It took around half a year for me to finally leave. I know that I had all of the qualities of an UG to him. He told me about the day dreaming, he told me how much better I was than any girlfriend he’s ever had, everything he ever told me makes it as though it just really didn’t get any better than me. We’re talking perfect 10 between looks and personality. We had plans for marriage, kids of our own (I have four), even plans for retirement. We never fought or argued, we honestly had a great relationship. I just don’t understand how he can walk away from all of what we had. And here I am, a 27 year old single mom of four which lets be honest the kids alone would make a lot of men steer clear of me. He took responsibility for them tho. I’m sorry. I could go on and on, I guess I’m just wanting to talk at this point. I’m in a difficult situation since only three people knew about us, two of which are mostly his friends and my friend that just totally screwed me. So I really have no one to talk to, I always had him to talk to about everything.
admin

December 10, 2013 at 7:12 pm

I am really sorry this happened to you :(.

Its really tough when I hear stories like this but the way I see it is that you have two options.

Face everything and run… or face everything and rise!
rach

December 10, 2013 at 9:54 pm

Thank you for that! That’s very sweet and true. I’ve gotten off my pitty pot today, my ex husband is going to finally sign all the papers next week! Yay! I’m going to let my ex boyfriend know tonight by sending him a picture of the texts my ex hubby said he was giving up and leaving it art that. I am certain it will peak his interest, but I won’t carry the convo on until tomorrow morn. I’m going to get serious about being hard to get and see where it takes things. There’s really no other way to go about it that I can see. But I’m ok with that, I can’t make him want me, I’m a good looking Texas girl with a lot going for me, either he can step up or someone else will. Thank you so much!
admin

December 12, 2013 at 1:26 am

Texas girl huh!

I am from Texas as well so small world! I like your attitude.
rach

December 12, 2013 at 2:25 am

Haha, yea I checked you out on Facebook and you are only a few hours from me. I actually lived in south Houston for a couple of years going to college. By the way, I did that in least stalker/creepy way possible haha!
I like my attitude as well, I haven’t given up completely but I’m at a point where I would like to meet new people and see what happens. I have been thinking a lot about how things happened after I initiated contact after NC and I constantly got positive responses from him from the get-go. I mean everything was positive, I could give a lot of examples but the number one thing that gave me a lot of how was that he would double text a lot. For example;
Me text
Him text
Me text (this is where I would “bow out”)
Him text
Him text (anywhere from ten to thirty minutes later)
And most of the time the second text would be very complimentary to me or reminiscent of our relationship. So possibly I took the flirting on too soon or something, I don’t know. But what I’m getting at is maybe you could do a guide focusing on if everything is going well as in the girl is getting good responses, he’s initiated conversations so on and so on; that she really needs to sit back and not push to quick. Or perhaps how to know when to push the envelope. I honestly had a better way of wording this earlier! I hope you get the gist of what I’m getting at because I think it could be helpful to women. I fully intend on keeping on reading your website, I’ve done it nearly every day for around two months, so I think that really says something for you and your work!
Hmmm, there I go again sounding like a stalker! Haha!
And he just double text me again about three hours later as we speak. That is killing me! I read that as he really just doesn’t want the conversation to be over, he’s so darn hard headed haha.
admin

December 12, 2013 at 7:04 pm

Very cool!

Did you friend me?

Thanks for reading the site. It’s pretty wild to me that so many people read it still but I guess I have trouble accepting compliments haha.
rach

December 12, 2013 at 9:52 pm

I don’t believe I did friend you actually! You’re welcome, thanks for making it! I’m the same way about compliments, that’s something that I’ve worked on to better myself. That was something that my ex bf really helped me with.
rach

December 12, 2013 at 4:43 am

Confident. I became way too confident way too quickly. That was my mistake. I had everything good going for me and after reading everything you wrote I just became cocky.We had had a good relationship, a decent break up, I had positive responses etc. So maybe that would be something to write a guide over, warning us to not do those things. Be grateful for what we have and don’t over indulge.
By the way after he double text me I told him something funny, talked briefly, and then ended it by saying “I have to get the kids to bed, you can talk to me tomorrow if you want. Good night.” I’m really liking that one! I feel like I took the pressure off of myself and put it on him. Perhaps that is an example you could add at some point if you ever do a 2.0 version of another guide. By the way, kudos to you for seeing voids in your own work and creating something better. I believe that it’s a very admirable trait in a man.

LadyD

December 8, 2013 at 9:25 pm

Maybe I should clarify the question I was asking in my last comment: what’s a good way to initiate chatting with him that way? It’s how we usually talked during the day at work. He hasn’t sent me a message yet; just un blocked me. I think he’s waiting to see if I’ll make a move or not. So…any ideas for what I should say?

admin

December 9, 2013 at 7:06 pm

This site is full of text messages. Pick one you like and take a chance.

Rose

December 8, 2013 at 8:36 pm

Hey Chris!

Thanks for replying to my other comment 🙂
Since then a lot of things happened with my ex and I’m completely lost, not sure if I should give up or not. Basically, after months of being hot and cold with me (he would be cold most of the time via text but still contact me and whenever we met up he would hold my hand, hug me, tell me he missed me, get jealous and more) I had a big conversation with him. He told me he still cared about me and liked me but didn’t see us getting back together in the future because it didn’t work the first time and for him if it doesn’t work out the first time it’s just not meant to be. He told me he liked me but wasn’t in love with me like he was with his ex from like high school or something. That he missed me a lot but “everyone misses their friends” He told me he still wanted me in his life. Anyway, I was heartbroken that night and he saw it, he was adorable and all because he can’t stand seeing me unhappy. He told me he will always be there for me etc. The following week, I was really down so I decided to do NC with him, to be able to move on. My birthday was coming up and he wanted to call me but I told him not to and just to send me a text if he wanted. Well, at exactly midnight he sent me not one but 3 messages via sms, fb etc. He was super sweet and told me he had been waiting for midnight etc. After that, I went back to NC. I went out with friends last night and posted pics on FB. He commented on them and then texted me to ask me how my evening was going. I replied and we talked for a few minutes, he was super sweet and all. He’s leaving in a few days for the US and I won’t seeing for at least 3 and a half months as I’m going there too but after him so I told him it would be cool to have drink. He told me maybe and was a little flirty.
My question is, should I really stop trying to get him back because he told me he doesn’t want to try again even though he’s acting the exact opposite? It’s been months now and I’m getting tired of trying but I love him and I really do see myself with him in the long run. The chemistry between us is electric and we can talk for hours, we also have the same goals in life. He always contacts me when I go NC, always compliments me and every time I see him he holds my hands, kisses me etc. He told me himself that he’s super attracted to me. So what should I do? I’m scared that he might meet someone else during those 3 and a half months as well… He told me to not hesitate to give him a call when I’ll be in the US so he can show me around and introduce me to “people”…
Thank you 🙂

admin

December 9, 2013 at 7:05 pm

So, would I be right in assuming that distance is the problem here?
Rose

December 9, 2013 at 7:46 pm

For me or for him? For me probably yes but for him I don’t know, do you think it is? (and thanks btw 🙂 )
Rose

December 10, 2013 at 12:15 am

And we just had a fight cause he ended up saying no to a drink before he leaves and I got upset. He became a bit argumentative and I ended up saying ok but I didn’t like fighting with him for something so silly so he tried changing the conversation for a minute to clear the air and said goodnight… Is that a bad sign that he reacts like that? He told me last time he didn’t want to see me before he leaves because he doesn’t like saying goodbye. I’ve read that guys only get upset with girls they care about, do you think it’s true?
admin

December 10, 2013 at 7:02 pm

I think its true. Guys mostly get upset if they care about girls.

I think he cares for you though.
Rose

December 10, 2013 at 11:22 pm

Thanks! So do you think I still have a chance? What do you think I should do until I move to his city in 3 months? The distance really is scary to me…
admin

December 12, 2013 at 1:28 am

Of course you do but a chance doesn’t mean its going to come easy.

meriem

December 8, 2013 at 7:33 pm

so here i am again i’m sorry i ask too much but i want your opinion on this after my 30 days of no contact i talked 2 times with my ex on facebook because he is still on my friend list and he is conected every day and me too but in 5 days he talked to me just 2 times i acted very cold with him hoping that this will make him feel that he lost me and start to chase me but he didn’t for a week today our friend ask him are talking to her he said “she desapear for 30 days and now i feel that she does’t want to talk to me i don’t know what’s going on with her but i’m not talking to her because i feel she didn’t want to but i will never forget her i will always want to know about her what she is doing and where is she that’s the least i can do” my question is what do you think about his words because i can’t figure out is this good or bad sign.the 2nd question what you advise me to do now

admin

December 9, 2013 at 6:54 pm

Any reason why you didn’t text him?
meriem

December 10, 2013 at 1:11 pm

because when i was on fb and he came he didn’t say hi i thought that if if i say hi first i would be doing what i was doing before because i was always initiating any contact between us so this time i’m letting him talk first but yesterday he actually say hi and we have a conversation on fb lasted for 2 hours we were kind of joking and he ask me about my news i said i’m looking for work he said”wow so now you will hang out and someone may fall for you so don’t smile a lot looll” a didn’t get what he meant by that and another time he said” oh i remember when i used to kiss your hands they are so soft” this kind of talking that reminds me of our days together but he was kinda joking so i felt like he was saying that to see if i still love him but i acted like i didn’t care and i changed the subject politely every time he mention these things because i wanted him to feel that i’m over him and i’m really moving on.what do you think i did the right thing or not.the 2nd question is what do you think he was triying to do by mentioning those things in our first long conversation after no contact.and the third question is that he is talking to me just on fb because we meet on fb everyday so what can i do to make him call me on the phone because talking just on fb is not enough.
meriem

December 10, 2013 at 6:18 pm

i have another thing to ask you that friend ask him if he want to get back with me he said “no i will not get back to her things happened and i was sick of it but i you don’t know i believe in god so you don’t know what happened in the future but i don’t want to get back to her.i don’t have a girlfriend and i didn’t date anyone after her and i don’t want to i just want to stay alone”.my question is is that it he doesn’t want to get back to me you think i just drop it and move on or he maybe saying that but he doesn’t mean it!!!
meriem

December 13, 2013 at 1:12 pm

we had another conversation on fb the day before yesterday and he sound really exited and he said i want to see you so i said yes but yesterday he doesn’t talk to me so i was afraid.what do you thin did he say that because he really want to see me or just to see my reaction to vigure out if i’m still in love with him after the no contact!!

LadyD

December 8, 2013 at 5:47 am

Ok. Texting is happening every other day or so; positive responses. This morning, I noticed he un-blocked me on our messenger of choice. I can see him on-line again. Obviously, he is trying to tell me something, like he’s ready for more regular communication. Or, he’s testing me to see what I will do. Ok…I obviously have to play this VERY carefully. So…what do I do? I’m not going to make a big deal out of it. But, it is important in a way; almost like he’s giving me an invitation to talk to him in a way he previously cut off. Like he’s starting to invite me in again. That first message is crucial, don’t you think?
Tali

December 8, 2013 at 1:18 am

Hi I have been with this guy on and off for a year. He loves me but is confused. He says he is not in love with me. But every time we say no contact we need to move on one of us mostly me contact him and then we have a grate night or week together and then again he gets confused. I realized that every time we were good for a week or so and then have a fight that we get over he brakes it up and says that he is done that I am not the one for him and that he is not in love. It has happened three times after a fight. I tried to talk to him a bought it. And when he calms down he says that he is confused. What to do? If I do the NC. Will it work on him? Will I finally get him back for good and not just for a few days or weeks??

admin

December 8, 2013 at 6:56 pm

I can’t guarantee you that it will but I think it will increase your chances.

anonymous

December 7, 2013 at 6:52 pm

Sorry to be spamming on your guides 🙁 but i just thought of giving you an update. I tried texting him a jealousy text a few hrs ago. Saying “was it you i saw at the national museum just now? If so, you looked great!” He replied a few mins later saying “when did i go to the museum?” I said “just now?” He replied again “hahaha. nope. I havent been gg to museums” i didn reply to him after that.

Okay. So his reply seems like a neutral reply. Now i’m not too sure how to go from here. What now? 🙁

admin

December 8, 2013 at 6:36 pm

Well, just keep working on getting positive responses.
anonymous

December 8, 2013 at 5:42 am

Based on the guide above. So far the only clear resistance i can see for my case is resistance 4! But you havent really mentioned how to fix the case for resistance 4. For my case, he alrdy said he no longer has feelings for me and he doesn think there’s a chance for us to reconcile. And i doubt he wants to see me anymore. I’ve one resistance and i feel like its hopeless! 🙁 how do you get a man to change his mind and feelings towards you?

Btw thanks chris! I really truly appreciate your replies 🙂
admin

December 8, 2013 at 7:06 pm

He has told you flat out that he doesn’t want you anymore? Was this immediately after the breakup?
anonymous

December 9, 2013 at 3:34 am

Yes. Flat out that there’s no chance of me and him anymore. This was shortly after i was a call and text gnat (after i did NC on him) and he told me that he has been dating other ladies.

Emma

December 7, 2013 at 3:28 pm

Hi, iv just come across this website and it’s amazing and so incite flu to the male mind.
Now I was dating a guy for 5 months. We got on and the sex was amazing but I feel he wasn’t over his ex, and he said even though he liked me, he couldn’t feel the spark he had with his ex. It was hurtful but honest. We said we will remain friends, but I haven’t heard from him in a week. I do want to give it time so I can heal, and he can get over his ex. But do you thing no contact will ever get him back? Do I contact him after 30 days to see how he is? Or forget him? As it’s Xmas and new year I have excuses to contact him, but should I ? Help please

admin

December 7, 2013 at 8:08 pm

Yes.. but you have to contact him a certain way.
Emma

December 8, 2013 at 4:28 pm

What way do I have to contact him? What do you mean in that?
admin

December 8, 2013 at 7:14 pm

Texting him in the correct way I suppose would be more accurate.
Emma

December 8, 2013 at 9:19 pm

What is the best way to contact him? Should I say hi, how are you? And just act like a friend? X
admin

December 9, 2013 at 7:00 pm

Well, I wouldn’t do that. You want some more substance. Do some research on this site or grab the E-Book for the specific text messages to send.

Anonymous

December 6, 2013 at 10:34 pm

Hi Chris, a month ago after a year of dating me and my ex broke up he says cause of distance ( we go to different colleges ). He is suddenly showing a lot of interest in other girls yet texting me telling me he still cares about me still and wants to be with me but then continues with the sentence it won’t work. He constantly gets jealous if he sees me out with friends yet is constantly messaging other girls? Does he want to be with other people and not tell me but keep me on the side? He is being very up and down with me and I feel like its unfair and preventing me from getting on with my own life.

admin

December 7, 2013 at 7:43 pm

Have you read my long distance relationship guide?

erin

December 6, 2013 at 8:03 pm

Chris,hi i honeslty have no where else to go throught with this i feel like maybe u can smap some sence into me,i have been in a relationship with this oerson who i ove very much .we had a baby boy last year our first child i was 9 month into my pregnancy when thanksgiving day we found out we lost him it was a very tough time for me not to mention my bf workes in alaska so almost ny whole pregnancy he was gone away workijg…afgter the loss it wasnt long till i mentioned if us having a babywoukd be in out future he keot saying hes not ready so i gave it time ..well all that time did was cauae us argument s…i keot arguing about so much i new he got tired of it….he came back in sep wasnt long till i ended leaving him because i just tired of me trying to maje him.happy n all he woukd do was throw me off .as if i didnt matter .now i keeo texting him how much i love him so much and im sorry about the baby situation all he does is ignore my text messages he doesnt call me chris at all..after eeverything we have been through he s just shutting me out as if i dont mater he keeps teling me to live my life but yeg i ask him.if hes done woth me and he refuses to ever give me answer. This morning i text him and he blocked my #? WHAT do i do please help me

admin

December 7, 2013 at 7:26 pm

Well first off, have you by any chance got a different way to contact him? Usually you become a text gnat and that is why someone would block your number.
erin

December 8, 2013 at 1:46 am

I mean i have his brothers # s but i dont want to especially since he blocked me .i just dont understand why he shut mebout cold like this.hebtold me he was leaving back to alska chris and that once he is gone i will understand. But his brother told me hes staying here chris! Hes not leaving why would he lie.to.me ? I dont no what else to do chris.his brotjers and friends tell.me hes just alone all the time and he doesnt look happy.i cant belive he blocked me? Ever sinxe he came back he never once has told me he missed me or he never calls me .never.and another thing he every time i ask him f hes really over with me or i ask him to tell me if he is completely done with me he NEVER gives me an answer, he always says ” do what u want erin” or do ehatever u have to do ? I dont no what do Chris. Please help me .:(
admin

December 8, 2013 at 6:54 pm

Well, let me ask you a question. Would you appreciate it if someone constantly asked you “if you were over it yet” or “if you had feelings” when you didn’t know? I wouldn’t. In fact, it may make me resent that person.
erin

December 8, 2013 at 7:18 pm

So then what am.i supposed to do chris,iv been here for this man for 3 years and we had a baby .lost him,i did everything for him .n now hes just keeping so much from me being quiet not texting me ,he BLOCKED me from his phone thats so messed up to do that out of nowhere: ( hes shady about things,i ran into his brother last night n i said how s his brother doing when hes leaving he s not going back i said well he told me was ? His brojter was almost in shock tgat i said we still talked? He was like what? U guys still talk? I no where i went wrong .i no i drove him off by arguing so much .but i have done so much for him why was so hard for him to understand. I dont no wgat else to do iv priven myself in everywat .had his baby .waited.for him while he was gone. N now all of a sudden.hes telling me” its not fair that he leaves n im here” but yet hes not even leaving nack? :'( i dont understand, just tell me whats best chris please,if he were to ever contact me again,i dont even no what i would saybto him.i have so mych anger towards him..
admin

December 9, 2013 at 6:54 pm

Calm down. Take some time to do that. That is what is best for you.
erin

December 9, 2013 at 9:28 pm

I am i need some time for myself . Do you think he will.ever come back chris:( .its almost .shoukd i try the no contact rule. ….. some of his friends wifes are always inviting me.out them? Would it look good on me hanging out with his frjends or will i look like dumb to.him… i really love him so much ,i dont no what else.to do.
admin

December 10, 2013 at 6:46 pm

I see no problem with you going out with them.
erin

December 10, 2013 at 7:28 pm

Do u think he will ever come to a chamce where he realizes what he did was wrong n one day …..want to speak to me again,he says he s going back to alaska.i feel maybe if he does leave …maybe when he is alone up there ..maby he will miss me 🙁
erin

December 13, 2013 at 9:48 pm

Thank u so much ,i appreciated all the help,ill go ahead n just take it day by day…..well see what happens .for sure im doing the no contact. 🙂 thank u chris
erin

December 13, 2013 at 2:46 pm

Chris .i did the worst mistake ever last night .but in a way i guess it was a good thing,i tried asking him if we can meet up and talk about things in person. He spoke to me like i was literally a piece of shit….he was like whats up !? What u wabt Erin. Whay r u calling me what u need whats up i dint have time for this 🙁 i felt worthless to him,,i said why r being like thks with me hes like because erin im like do u hate me hes like no its jhst what do u want .im like r u seeing someone hes like no erin im doing whats best fir ME right now he s like i jjst want to go back to alaska and wirk not have to worry about anything of u wondering what your doung where you are not have u bitching at me all the time…..im like so your done with me? Hes liie ya erin .im like really u are .he satyed quiet chris i said so thats it .everything we wnt through that s it were never going to work this again,hes like well not anytime soon erin!!! :'( hes like….do whatever u want ….im doig whats best for me rivht now …hes like idk the future erin idk if were getting back together maybe we will idk, ,,im like wow …okay …i hung up .. 🙁 i felt so STUPID chris, i no he has someone there to have him so firm on his word. 🙁 …. i dont understand. After everything we went through.
admin

December 13, 2013 at 7:53 pm

Just go back into NC and rethink if you want him in your life or not.
erin

December 12, 2013 at 1:31 am

Chris, so what do i do ? Fight for him..?:( he tells me its not fair that he leaves and i stay here that i need somone here for me .he says he s ignoring me n blocked me.for me so i can move on.but i dont understand After me telling him i wanted to just start new ..he still refuses because he says nothing will change :/ i love him to much and went through to much to let go thus quick….he says he s not moving on with anyone he needs to move on with his life? I dont understand. ….. do you think he will come back.chris, :'( or does this sound like …its completely over.
admin

December 12, 2013 at 6:58 pm

I wish I knew the future so I could tell you. But all you can do is stop relying on him so much. It’s kind of like the more you want him the less likely you are to get him.
admin

December 12, 2013 at 1:21 am

I think it can happen but the question is will he ever have the guts to say it? Most gusy don’t.

MR

December 6, 2013 at 6:27 pm

I started to contact my ex after a month of NC. The conversation was short and sweet, and then I ended the conversation. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I wasn’t really ready to talk to him again. Is it okay to go into another period of NC? Will it ruin my chances of getting him back?

admin

December 6, 2013 at 8:17 pm

No I think it can be a good idea.

Jas

December 6, 2013 at 4:44 pm

Hi Chris!

I left a few comments at the other sections previously. But today, I finally made up my mind to move on from my ex boyfriend for good! Reason? He is such a hypocrite and a dickhead! I am so glad I seen his true colours now rather than after we really get back together.

Nevertheless, thank you so much for your valuable time and effort in putting this website up!

With love,
Jas

admin

December 6, 2013 at 8:13 pm

Good enough reasons for me hahahahahahaha.
Jas

December 8, 2013 at 2:50 pm

Hi Chris,

It’s me again. As you know X’mas is around the corner and I have actually bought a gift for my ex boyfriend before I made up my mind to stop trying to get back together with him for good.

Question is, should I still send him the gift by post? I wouldnt want to meet him though and I know the same goes for him since we have agreed not to contact each other anymore and have since blocked each others’ numbers.

I thought of sending it annoymously or include a short msg that it was bought before things got worse between us and don’t think too much about it as I have no intention of getting back together with you.

I must clarify that my intention of giving him the gift isnt hoping to reconcile. Whats your take? Give or just dispose it?
admin

December 8, 2013 at 7:13 pm

I wouldn’t give him the gift..

ninecats

December 6, 2013 at 5:36 am

Being patient is so hard! But thank you so much for realizing that that’s what I need to be. I had been going crazy wondering if it is too late to get my ex to chase me again because he is already pretty much seeing someone else (ouch). But now I realize that I won’t even know if it’s too late until I bear through all of the appropriate steps. Now I’m not obsessing over an immediate answer — thank you!! I will do my absolute best in following all the steps. I have already gone 36 days without contact (in which he contacted me twice) and I want to extend it one more week. I’m now going to read your “how to get him back if he has a new girlfriend” guide to see what the post-NC protocol is there. Thanks again!

ninecats

December 6, 2013 at 5:41 am

Also, I submitted a comment on your “chase theory” story, also using the name “ninecats”. I went into way too much detail and I hadn’t even read all of your stuff, so can you delete that comment for me? I would appreciate it, I can’t figure out how to delete it myself. Thank you!
admin

December 6, 2013 at 7:59 pm

I can’t find the comment 🙁

Lovechips

December 5, 2013 at 8:51 am

Hey Chris! It’s Lovechips again..:-) I told you I would be back to check out your new material. You are still writing awesome guides. You’re a busy guy I’m sure, but in case you forgot I decided I didn’t want my ex back. It’s interesting how that truly flips the switch in a man’s longing for you, regardless of whether he is stubborn, angry or scared. Ha! My ex has been blowing up my phone, email and I think he is probably 2 seconds away from showing up at my house, if he hasn’t yet already, haha! I have ignored all of his attempts, and I’m sure the alpha male in him can’t stand it, and I do miss him, but this is what I must do for myself and my future. Anyways, enough about me, let’s talk about you and the great job you are doing to comfort women across the world. Chris, this guide is particularly A-W-E-S-O-M-E!!!! You truly have to know when to hold’em, and when to fold’em in relationships. I’m so glad you wrote about this. In reading some of the comments from women seeking your help, it makes me sad that some of the women don’t realize their WORTH, and how much VALUE they add to men’s lives simply by being a strong woman. It truly breaks my heart. Infact needing a man is exactly what makes you come off as needy and makes him in need to be as far away from you as possible…yikes! I know it’s not easy when you love someone and you don’t want to let go, but the best love truly comes from loving yourself first. Chris, all I can ask is for you to please re-direct any woman that is still holding onto false hope after reading this article to your guide on how to become the ungettable girl! Because being the ungettable girl is actually what will bring him back, keep him and have all the other men flocking around you just in case you change your mind about getting your ex back..Ha! Nice guide Chris!!! I’ll be back for more..:-)

admin

December 5, 2013 at 7:02 pm

Hahahah your truly welcome.

I often find that the more you want a guy to want you the less he will actually want you. Its kind of hard to explain but this phenomenon actaully exisits.

Sydney

December 4, 2013 at 10:33 pm

Hey Chris, it’s been a while, but I think I got a little off track with the recovery program.
The last problem I was having was that I couldn’t keep him engaged in a conversation (he would usually only give me one or two responses then disappear). Lately, we’ve been able to have longer conversations, but I haven’t texted him with any kind of memory texts- I usually start a conversation off casually by asking about a movie or mentioning something about the day, and other things of that nature. Things seemed to be going well for about a week, he even came over to watch the walking dead with me one Sunday (we ended up fooling around a bit, but I didn’t let it get to the bedroom even though we both wanted to lol :P), but the week following that he went back into his limited response mode. A week after that, I was texting him and one thing lead to another and we ended making plans to hook up on the Friday (I know, big no no). Anyways, we didn’t speak to each other for three days after making those plans, then when Friday came around I sent him a text and he completely ignored it (he hasn’t ignored me completely since I’ve started talking to him again). It really upset me that he never responded. I have talked to him a couple times since then, both conversations were engaged, but I don’t know what to do to get back on track. I feel like if I keep going this way I’m going to mess everything up.

Sydney

December 5, 2013 at 9:01 pm

Sorry to bother you again, but your advice is really helpful 🙂
I think I’m making myself too available again, but I don’t know what to do to appear not available to him. I usually text him every 2-3 days and if he stops responding I won’t keep texting (I always keep the 1:1 ratio). He never texts me first though, I’m always the one initiating a conversation. If I didn’t text him for a week I don’t think he would try texting me.
I don’t know what to do to get him to chase me, any thoughts? I really do appreciate you taking the time to help, it means a lot 🙂 thank you!!
admin

December 6, 2013 at 7:32 pm

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/chase-theory-how-to-make-your-ex-boyfriend-chase-you-again/.

This might give you a few ideas.

Kat

December 4, 2013 at 12:41 pm

Hi Chris

I wrote you before and you gave me some good advice.

My boyfriend and I broke up first this summer, cause he’d moved to another country. I’m 28 and he’s 24, but I feel like we’re quite equally minded and people often thinks it’s the other way around and he’s older than me. I’ve travelled quite a lot and lived at a dorm for many years and had a really fun and wild youth. He’s never taken any time for himself for traveling or doing anything he wanted for himself, he’s always just worked and done what he was “supposed to”. So him moving to another country was to be his “big adventure”, and wanting to travel for 6 months also, seeing the world on his own before settling down was his dream.
Before he left we had a wonderful relationship, living together and everything was going well. He was my best friend and we always had each other’s back. I know he felt the same way, he told me.

So we tried to make it work, but it wasn’t working.
The truth is, when he told me he’d decided to move, it broke my heart and I was so afraid of losing him, and thought it was just a matter of time before I would, that I ended up pushing him more and more away, making it harder on him all the time. He clung on to the relationship, said we COULD make it work, that we HAD to make it work (he told me he had nightmares I’d break up with him). I said I felt like things were just getting worse, and that I didn’t think it could work and I regretted ever being with him, he broke into tears. When we talked a week later, he ended it. Surprise.
He said it was too hard for him with the distance, that it hurt too much that I wasn’t there, that he couldn’t handle it, and now instead he just wanted to be free and live out the wild youth he hasn’t had yet.

He said he was confused and wasn’t sure what he wanted to do with his life, he wasn’t ready, and felt like he was having a bit of a crisis, and that he couldn’t do that to me, let me prospone my own life and wants for him while he’s figuring out what he wants. He said he was afraid he was hurting me cause he was living out his big adventure and I was waiting for him meanwhile.
I took the break up nicely and was very civil and told him that if you really love someone you can’t hold them back, and I didn’t want to hold him back from living his dream; if he needed to be free now and have all those great experiences and travel, which he never had, then he should do that.

We met up after 5 weeks while he was on vacation in our homecountry. It wasn’t a date, but just talking. He told me he’d been doubting his decision so much and so on. We talked about how it was propably for the best not being together now, since he was having a bit of a crisis, but that we both hoped we could pick up the relationship again later, when conditions were better, cause we both felt it had been amazing.
But then we accidently hooked up and started seeing each other again. It felt wonderful, but I was scared he’d break it off again, and didn’t feel sure about his feelings for me. I was afraid that even if he still loved me he might not want the relationship now.
While seeing each other again we had one bad weekend together cause I got scared by someone telling me it would never work out (this person pushed the button of my greatest fear).
He felt extremely hurt (he told me) cause I then seemed reserved and he thought I didn’t want him or he’d done something wrong. I was so afraid he wouldn’t see me again, but we did.

We had a nice time together then, and I felt like he still really loved (he kissed me tenderly, held me close and cuddled and all those little things). Just before I went home we were lying on the bed together. He was clinging on to me with both arms and legs (litterately), and shivering all over and I could tell he was about to start crying the whole time.
We talked a bit about us, and he told me that it was just so hard all of it, it was so hard that it would be so long before we could see each other again (a month). I got really scared he couldn’t take it and that it was too hard for him with the distance and being separated, and that he’d end it and instead just try to forget it and push it away, cause it was hurting him so much. I tried to comfort him, and asked him how he’d feel if I moved to the country he’s living in now, so we could be together. He said he’d like that, but I wasn’t sure he meant it and I thought he might be afraid that was too big a step.

A week after I went home we talked about when we should see each other again. We actually found a time, but then he pulled back. Saying he was unsure, confused, it was hard. We talked more about if I should move up there, and it seemed like he wanted it, and was seriously considering it. But he then said he couldn’t do it.
I actually think he does want me to move up there, but I think he’s too afraid what will happen if it ends up not working out, it’s a really big commitment if I come up there, that he’ll feel really guilty and that I’ll hate him, or when he finally does go traveling on his big around the globe-trip for 6 months.
I know he’s seriously scared that I want babies soon. He’s told me he’s not ready for that, he’s had nightmares I was pregnant, and he’s talked a lot about he doesn’t want to force me to wait for him to be ready. I don’t really understand this, cause I’ve told him a million times that I’m not ready and that things like that is way into the future for me (8-10 years, pushing the biological limits), which is the truth! But perhaps he doesn’t believe me cause a lot of my friends my age are having children now. But that just freaks me out and has made me even more sure that that’s NOT what I want right now. They want babies, I want to go to Borneo… Well, so that’s also an issue.
But he said the EXCACT same things as he did when we broke up this summer. It was too hard, he was so confused what he wanted to do with his life, he wasn’t ready and, he felt like he was hurting me cause he’s so confused and has this crisis and so on..
I took it nicely, and we were both crying.

Later I started feeling used, like he’d just seen me again so he could slowly “cut down” on how much we saw each other, so he wouldnøt feel so bad about it himself. I sent him some very angry messages, telling him how I felt, and deleted him on facebook (I had warned him I might do this though, cause I said it would hold me back from moving on). He started calling me, but I didn’t pick up the phone. He then started writing me if I would please talk to him, and I said no I didn’t see what there was to talk about. He wrote me a lot of stuff then, saying he still had feelings for me, but that he couldn’t take it anymore. That the void in between when we saw each other was too painful and he couldn’t manage.
I told him he was just hurting me even more with the things he wrote cause he still didn’t want to be with me, so he should just leave me alone.
We haven’t talked since.

That’s 2½ weeks ago.

With all this you propably wonder why I’m writing you. It seems hopeless.
I really felt we had a shot at meeting up sometime in the future, me and him, after meeting him this summer. But now I feel like everything’s just gotten so messed up. It was definitely a mistake to start seeing each other this fall. First of all, none of us were ready I think. I was too afraid, and he wasn’t ready to forgive me for hurting him (I think). Secondly, he still hasn’t lived out that traveling dream, so that was also still an issue in making the relationship work.

I regret writing those angry things, and I regret that we got together this fall again. I wanted to have left it with the wonderful feeling and memory we both had this summer.
I still love him, and I think he still loves me, but matters are just to complicated right now.

I don’t want him to think I hate him, and I want to tell him how it’s been for me, and how I’ve felt about him and him leaving. I’ve been thinking about writing him a letter about these things. I don’t want to write a “take me back”-letter, which I know you oppose to, but rather an “I don’t hate you, thank you for all the wonderful times and I wish you good luck with fulfilling your dream”-letter.
Honestly, I want him back. But I don’t want him back now. I don’t think he’s ready and I think it’s important he gets to live out his dream about seeing the world, if we should ever have a good relationship again.

Because I see no possibility for us now, since he doesn’t want me to move up there, I also want to move on, I don’t want to sit and wait for something that might not be. But I just don’t either want to leave him with a bitter aftertaste in his mouth from this breakup and our failed try this fall. I want to go back (I know I can’t but I want to try) and leave it as it was this summer, where sure we weren’t together and were living separat lifes, trying to move on, but there was some kind of hope we might someday find each other again.

Do you think this is silly? And is it just a bad idea to write such a letter, will it only make things worse?
Should I just not contact him and let it be, or do you think there is some kind of redemption for the bad break and to be found to leave it at peace and not so bitter..?
I have also thought about that if I send such a letter I first wanted to send it at Christmas, kind of like an extended Christmas greeting (it would be 5 weeks since the break up then). But now I think it might be better to wait longer, a few months, so he can gather his thoughts properly as well. What do you think?

Sorry for writing such a long note. I hope your eyes aren’t hurting too much from looking at the screen!
And thank you for your advice!

admin

December 5, 2013 at 1:15 am

Yes I do think its silly. Don’t write that letter. Letters almost always backfire.

Instead just stick to the stuff I recemmond throughout this site.

Lydia

December 4, 2013 at 10:17 am

Hi Chris,

This is great, i really was waiting for something like this. I have started my morning with a good feeling today. Its been 19 days now and i have been keeping myself very occupied. Reading this article makes me feel i have a chance, i cant wait to reach 30 days!

admin

December 5, 2013 at 1:12 am

Keep on keeping on!

Cindy

December 4, 2013 at 10:11 am

My ex and I recently broke up a month ago and we still keep in contact a few times and had an argument? I said things that I didn’t mean. Like I called him a shady niggah (LOL) out of anger but recently, he texted me saying that he doesn’t wanna end up back together but he apologized for everything that he put me through and I accepted his apology. We’ve been talking for a few days now. A lot of flirting. He sends me good morning text messages and calls me cutie but recently he stopped and whenever I text him, he doesn’t reply. What should I do? 🙁

admin

December 5, 2013 at 1:12 am

It should be you that stops the conversations first not him hahah.

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