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ella
July 21, 2016 at 10:19 pm
Hello.
So as most of the people on this site I was recently dumped by my boyfriend. I’m currently in the no contact phase and have been doing well with it so far. I love him and he says he still loves me but I guess things are a little complicated. I talked to him for a week about things before starting no contact to try and figure out why he was feeling the way he was feeling.
We had a great relationship and he said on paper we were the perfect couple but something just wasn’t right and he needed some time apart. He said that he had been having doubts about me for awhile and he felt I wasn’t the one. Said that during the last month of our relationship his love for me went from romantic to plutonic and that he felt guilty having sex with me knowing how in love with him I am if he didn’t feel as strongly.
He also said he needed to work on himself (I know that’s cliche). That he wanted to get back into shape and he felt that his career goals were put on the back burner in his life. So we decided we would tae some time off and see where we are later but we never said when we would see where we are.
He told me he’s been crying every night because he misses me but he’s so worried that I’m not who he’s meant to be with so he had to break up with me. He feels like a weight has been lifted since he told me all this.
We work together so I’ve been avoiding texting or calling him (I have to email him for work) and when we do talk I keep everything about business. I’m just worried about the “you’re not the one” thing considering I really do think he’s the one for me. I also have a friend who has been in this same situation 3 times and keeps telling both him and I that we can’t get back together because he’ll still feel the same way. I guess I just don’t know what to do.
We had a great relationship and we had some great times together. After a lot of thinking I know what we would need to work on but I’m not sure if he will ever feel the same way about me.
Is this hopeless? Should I just give up? Something inside me is telling me to fight for him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 22, 2016 at 5:41 pm
hi Ella,
you said you work together. So, that means you see each other everyday? how long were you together,? because it looks like he lost desire in you
Lisa
July 2, 2016 at 4:51 pm
I broke up with my bf of 7 years I found out he was talking and still talking to some girl he said he doesn’t want to get back together right now that time will tell, he said he likes being around me and going out with me, and when we do go out he holds my hand and kisses me, I feel he still wants me around but he wants to do his stuff on the side, please help what do I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 4, 2016 at 3:02 pm
hi lisa,
do you want to try active nc?
Sophie
June 28, 2016 at 5:11 pm
I posted here about a week ago but can’t seem to find my post.
male
June 28, 2016 at 9:26 am
Does any of this apply to a male being the one wanting to go after a relationship with an ex? (Because i am a male seekinh some advice) All in all we had some problems with sex, (it had become with me not wanting as much, and her always trying to chase me into this, maybe this demand was that stressed me out of the need for sex.) And while we did break up one time, i left the one month no contact and all and we got back together building a much stronger and better relationship things came again to the same conclusion. Mainly ahe had some psychological oroblems, too much stress from friendships and alm and she told me she “felt like she didnt want our relationship being bad to be just another thing for her to worry” at that time i started chasing her, doing tomantic things and everything and while she did reapond well (we made out many times in parties and even she called me to her house to “pick up some of my stuff” were we also made out) the result was always her saying “i dont want to go back to what we had”. It was for me and her the first serious relationship, both in romantic and in term of sex. At some point i told her “i stop trying” and i didnt do anything for 3 months.. hoping that if she wanted she would initiate action. But she didnt.. and i started talking to her and just offered to go out and she accepted. We went out she started aaying things like “i didnt came out to save our previews relationship just because we had something beautiful and we didnt do anything bad to one another so i see no reason not to have some form of contact”. On the contrary though i could see aome signs during the date that left me in doubt, like some small touches, or that she dressed really well, or some small looks… all of that could be just my optimist self though. But when i was about to let her go at the end i could see her staring at me and i believe she was waiting for me to kiss her. Although as a coward i didnt.. just hugged her really strongly and let her go. She promised we will go out again… since she will be gone for the most part of the summer i texted her the next day to ask for that 2nd date to be within the next 2-3 days (before she would leave) but she said about having no time because of many reasons. When i tried to say things like “i have a surprise for you” as to bait her she said she wants no surprises, and doesnt want to get things to where i want them to go. Thing is that last time we broke up it was more intense and when we had arranged the date she would say “theres no chance of getting back together and thats not the reason we meet” a couple hours before going out and ending up getting back together. After all i still dont even know whats the real reason we broke up… probably sex, her psychology and insecurities and my lack of showing interest in the final parts of the relationship all played a role. At one point after the break up she said that the day she broke up with me if i had tried to get her everything would be probably saved. When we were out she told me she didnt date or met another guy all this time (i didnt ask her though). I know i am a guy, but i am seeking some advice after all both sexes fall in love in similar ways.. and im afraid.. because the relationship was a little less than a year.. and theres already been 3 months till the last breakup.. if she will really be away all summer (ecen though we will be in the same camp for 2-3 days) maybe she will get completely over me (if she hasnt already) or find someone else and then all my chances will be over.. my friends all advice me to give up, family too… and i am just here thinking about what to do.. frustrated and wondering… i would love some insight by the professionals!
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 29, 2016 at 12:15 pm
Hi Malr,
we actually have a site for guys(http://www.exgirlfriendrecovery.com) but it’s ok if we talk here..
start to inprove yourself now.. the camp is after her vacation?
Jennet
June 28, 2016 at 4:37 am
Hi my boyfriend and I had 2 years of long distance relationship and he broke up with me last two months ago without a certain reason. After 4 days I texted him first to find out the reason why he broke up with me and he said he wants to live freely and don’t wanna lie to me about going out like Friday night as he knows that I’m over caring person. I’ve already begged him to get back with me but things didn’t even change a thing. And I followed NC rule for one and half month then I know what I need to change now … When I finally ready to text him first again, I heard from one of his friend told me that there’s no chance to get back with him because he doesn’t want to even though he misses me and he’s happy now and he wants to stay alone. Should I just move on or get back with him??? I’m afraid of he will ignore me if I try to get back with him.
Jennet
June 29, 2016 at 3:44 pm
But I’ve already messaged him like some good memories that make me remind of him from wechat which is we used to chat everyday. But still no reply and his friend who helped me said I should just give up and move on because he’s so happy now and doesn’t wanna get back with me 🙁 so should I just move on???
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 29, 2016 at 5:13 pm
yhat probably just confirms what he thinks.. that you’re trying to get him back.. decide if you want to try another nc or move on
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 29, 2016 at 9:55 am
Hi Jennet,
you need to extend nc and be really active.. because theee’s a chance that thay friend will tell him you askef and he probably thinks your message will be to try to get him back
NIKO
June 27, 2016 at 6:21 am
Hi! I’ve just broke up with my ex boyfriend of 4 and a half years – reason being we fight a little too much.
I still have hopes for us but he has been pushing me away. Initially I kept contacting him but I’ve just started the NC Rule 2 weeks ago but failed and started calling him again yesterday and things didn’t end well. We fought again.
His friends told me he got drunk the other day and was crying and all but when I asked him about it yesterday, he simply just say he’s fine. Why does this even mean?
I’m not even sure what should I do now. I’m the one who initiates contact first each time and he will reply coldly each time.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 28, 2016 at 5:19 pm
Hi Niko,
try to stay strong in nc.. that would help him miss you more and increase the chance of getting him back
Sophie
June 25, 2016 at 10:27 pm
Hi,
I really need some help with wheter or not I should try and get my bf back. I have read the guides but not really implemented much yet. We broke up over a year ago, so I read the section about getting my bf back after a year and is currently working on myself and doing a 30 days no contact rule. We had an on-off relationship and he broke up with me, falsely accusing me of cheating and lying to him for our almost one year relationship. Before we broke up and he accused me, I had broken up with him 2 weeks before this, and I accidentally slept with a guy which I deeply regret. When my bf wanted me back ofcourse I told him about this, and this lead to him a couple of weeks later accusing me of being unfateful and constantly lying to him. I begged him for forgiveness and told him he could ask any of my friends, even gave him permission to go trough my fb and phone if he wanted to – but he just said he didn’t trust my actions or my words.
After this I was very clingy and sad, I was in a bad place in life alltogheter back then. We slept once after the breakup but he was very cold and distant, and also very cold and distant in conversation. We were supposed to have gone on a trip togheter after the break up but I backed out because he was so cold when I talked to him. After a couple of months he got into a new relationship and I behaved badly and told him I loved him, this was in september last year. He then told me he wanted me to get over him and that he had no feelings left for me. After that I stopped contacting him. We met briefly in a club that we’re both members in and he ignored and bullied me in conversations, all threee times we met. However, he then broke up in his gf in january/february and I asked to be his fb friend in march and we’ve been fb friend since then. I’ve tried talking to him on fb three times since then but he is often cold, unless I talk about practical things regarding our club. I have not brought up my feelings, or anything related to our previous relationship – just keept it casual.
We met in may and he then took iniative to talk to me(this was at an event) and it seemed to work quite well. After that however he has shown very little intrest and I think he is back with his ex again. They’re both fb friends and both have hided their relationship status and aren’t active on dating aps it seems.
My situation seems hopeless but I really can’t get over this guy and I would like a second chance. My question is should I keep trying? since I haven’t really tried that much besides telling him I love him. Or should I just not care because chances are he’s back with his gf/rebound gf? I read the section how to get back after a year apart and I am currently doing no contact and planning to write to him next week or so, following the steps. Do you have any advice for my messed up situation?
Sophie
July 1, 2016 at 2:38 pm
I told him I Love him in september so since then I haven’t spoken at all about my feelings. I have hid my relationship status, and I only make really positive status updates about my life now. So I think possibly he could believe I have moved on. But since he’s avoiding me and seems to be back with his rebound I Guds he doesn’t believe that or want anything to do with me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 1, 2016 at 6:00 pm
if he’s still seeing the rebound..that’s not a rebound anymore now and he may be protecting that relationship
Sophie
June 30, 2016 at 1:03 pm
But apart from a few likes on fb and when we met in may he has been avoiding me. Isn’t there some way I can take contact anyway? I mean so much time has passed that I worry he’ll forget about me. We broke up a year ago.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 1, 2016 at 12:54 pm
ok.. correct me if I”m wrong.. the last time you talked you confessed you still love him but he doesn’t love you and doesn’t want you back.. so in a sense, he’s avoiding you because he thinks your moves are just to get him back..
if he checks your profile now, would he think you’ve moved on and that it’s safe to be friend with you again?
Sophie
June 28, 2016 at 10:11 pm
Sorry, I found my comment. I forget to mentioned that he is introvert as well. He told me before, when I Said I still loved him, that we could only talk about practical things – nothing related to feelings or our personal life. He also Said back then that what if we someday in the future, wanna get drinks togheter. He also did the same thing when we broke up, said he wanted to be friends and that he perhaps wanted me in the future. When I told him I loved him however he said he didn’t knew back then if he wanted me or not, but that now he knew he didn’t want me. Isn’t too strong to contact him then? I don’t know how to start a conversation since he so reluctant to talking to me and seems to be avoiding me on social media…
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 29, 2016 at 2:12 pm
if he id avoiding you then that means now is not the rught time to start rebuilding connection
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 28, 2016 at 11:28 am
HI Sophie,
try to be friendly first and then see it from there if there is still a chance with him.
YNA
June 22, 2016 at 2:19 am
Hi Amor!
I’m in the verge of deciding whether to continue trying to get him back. I’m already done with the 30 days nc (even did an excess), and i can say i did a great job in the no contact period because I went to the gym, i looked new and better now, i’m more positive in life. I texted him with a simple good memory text… he didn’t respond. he never even contacted me within the 30 day period.
I am honestly hurting right now because I feel like it’s hopeless and i think it’s because of the following factors:
1.) bad (but no really bad) breakup; before the breakup we had a major fight which lead to the breakup.
2.) i’m his first girlfriend so it’s his first time to handle a breakup
3.) he went out with my haters which greatly affected his perception of me
last thing i heard about him was that he was being all bitter about the idea of love. it was more than a week before i sent the text message. also before I started NC, I handed him through a friend a gift and a letter for his graduation, telling him that i’m happy for him and that i’m doing fine in life. nothing dramatic (no i love you even), just a positive and sweet message.
So do you think i should continue trying to get him back? i am honestly emotionally exhausted deep down inside because of trying to get him back, but i still love him. i really do.
YNA
June 25, 2016 at 12:28 am
context of our relationship:
We started as bestfriends. After a year, he found out that I had feelings for him and he tried to take a shot on it. We started dating 2 months after he found about it and things were going great. It was like how we were as bestfriends plus romance and intimacy. However as time passed by, I became the giver and he was the taker. He makes effort but only a little and i understand that because I’m his first so he still doesn’t know what to do exactly while I’m the more mature one. Maybe my efforts boosted his ego. I didn’t complain, until one day I just had to open up about his stubbornness. JUST ONE INSTANCE that I complained, without even anger in it. I just explained. And then he lead to the decision of the breakup. these were his words: “it’s no longer working.” “i realized you’re not the one for me.” He easily panics on our minor fights so I was completely shocked and shattered when he broke up with me. Altho in his perspective, the decision was a careful one, so I feel like his capability for a relationship is still too weak.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 27, 2016 at 7:23 am
what if that perspective is what pushed him away? Because if you really think he’s not ready for a relationship, you will expect him to make more mistakes and in turn you thought it was because of his immaturity but instead it was because of how he felt around you.. If you really want a chance, I agree that that’s not now. He has to see you have really moved on first and he has to move on first too.
YNA
June 25, 2016 at 12:16 am
I’ve got a more detailed insight now of my ex.
Yesterday my bestfriend and him had a catch up and talked about me. She said my ex got the text but did not respond to it because he was not yet ready to be friends with me. He thinks a month is too soon. And altho he knows how I’m doing great in life, he doesn’t want to see me because he doesn’t want to reignite my feelings for him. In his point of view, a lot of negative things already happened that’s why he doesn’t want to contact me. And he doesn’t want to see me or even accidentally bump in to me because he says his feels are still “unstable” and he’ll panic when he sees me. He keeps on repeating that he doesn’t want us to get back together. Also my friend mentioned that guys are starting to approach me, and my ex said “I’m not affected.”
Additional insight is that he’s an introvert. he’s also the type of person who takes a lot of time to take action. He’s also an overthinker. Currently I can see that he thinks highly of himself and doesn’t see my worth. More importantly, this is his first relationship. I can see he’s still very confused and immature about everything. The reason of our breakup was also a very rash one (in my perspective), but for him he thought about it carefully, that he saw many “redflags” (which were all very minor) so he came up with the decision.
So what do you think, should I still pursue? Because I’m honestly trying to think he’s no longer worth it and sending him another text, even after an additional 60 days, would just boost his ego. Looking forward to your response because I’m in the verge of making a decision and I need your help. 🙁
YNA
June 22, 2016 at 12:46 pm
Thank you amor! You’re right. Actually he saw me a while ago but it seems like he avoided me. What could be happening in his mind. I’ll also update you guys after I send another text.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 22, 2016 at 9:53 am
Hi Yna,
He needs more time.. at least the first message you sent was like a signal for him that you’re ok to talk.. give him time.. maybe a week or two before trying to send another text.
Sheena
June 19, 2016 at 6:01 pm
Dear Ex Recovery Team,
Thank you for all of your insight. I couldn’t have made it this far without you. But I am wondering whether I should stop trying to get my ex back now.
Things have gone surprisingly well with him, perhaps too well – and too fast. We were at the point where we were actively spending time together again. One evening he kissed me and we made out (but did not have sex). I didn’t end the date prematurely I guess, and since then I fear I’ve been degraded to booty call. He hasn’t texted first since then except while drunk asking to “hang out” (which I politely declined). I have to admit that otherwise, I think I’ve been too available for him. Since he is mostly also a busy person, I’m left wondering whether this is still worth pursuing if his only motivator could quite possibly be sex.
So what I’m asking is this: Is it time to move on, or should I keep trying? Should I leave the ball in his court now and wait for him to do something or text and if he doesn’t – that’s it?
Thank you in advance.
Sheena
July 13, 2016 at 11:11 pm
Yes, I work out a lot (I’ve lost 4 pounds, I’m really proud of myself. But I’ve always been normal weight.) and have a very social life.
I’m not sure whether this is him trying to keep me an arm’s length away because he only wants to sleep with me or if he’s playing mind games… or suddenly getting insecure or unsure again after being so close. I can’t read him, but he always seems positive at least. I’m going to text him again soon and then after a small conversation… I guess I’ll wait and see what happens.
Sheena
July 13, 2016 at 12:00 am
Hey Amor,
I waited. He eventually texted me, a week later. And we built up rapport again, up until we met on the weekend. We made out, I didn’t sleep with him – he was disappointed, but kissed me again soon after I broke the news, and didn’t want to leave for quite a while. He however again didn’t reach out for a few days afterwards, until I did. His answers were friendly, but he didn’t flirt back the way he had used to before we met up. I’m confused, and feel kind of awkward now and like I’m back where I was when I first reached out to you. I don’t want to give up, I want him back. But I also don’t see this going anywhere, I feel like I’m moving in circles and I’m wondering whether I should keep it lighthearted (and keep going with the flow) or to ask him whether this is going anywhere or if I should move on (but I fear that I’d put too much pressure on him then)?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 13, 2016 at 4:47 pm
yup that will pressure him.. maybe he was dissapointed you didn’t sleep with him but that’s good because you’ve raised your value.. did you contnue the activities you did during nc?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 21, 2016 at 10:52 pm
Hi Sheena,
that all depends on you. if you aabt to try, then try to stay connected but dont sleep with him.. even if he sees thay as bait as first, the firmer you show that you’re not sleeping because you’re not committed, the higher the chance that he will make an effort for you..
Moving on
June 19, 2016 at 1:34 am
Hi
I met a guy a while ago. I got very hooked. It was short and intense. He told me he loved me and I replied with the same. He broke it off.
I have taken all the advice available to try and get him back. I have followed the advice to the note. Sadly, it did not work.
In short as possible, he got scared, got very distant and told me he did not want to commit. He refused to give me any other reason than it was nothing to do with me but it was what he wanted. I was really hurt and upset.
I ran into him coincidently 4 weeks after the break up. (I had maintained NC). He left me with “I’m amazing but he’s not a nice guy”. He cut all contact after that. He maintained this non commitment attitude but he cried and followed me out and hugged and kissed me before he left???
He moved over 500 km away that day. I gave it time before contacting him again (about 8 weeks) he refused to reply to any contact I’d made. I finally gave in and called him (pathetically no caller ID) this is when he told me he was with someone else and desperately wanted to get off the phone… It’s like he’s petrified of me.
It seems he is single again by his public FB profile. I sent a PM basically wishing him well. He ignored this again and updated his profile so the ‘single’ profile is unavailable.
I want to let go now and move on. He has made it clear I am not the one for him.
Can you help me understand this, I would like the chance now to find someone better. I did nothing wrong. We were very happy when he suddenly changed his mind.
Help me move on.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 21, 2016 at 6:31 am
Hi Moving on,
no other reason? He just changed his mind while things were doing good? I think you should check this post out: How To Get Over Your Ex Boyfriend
Helpless
June 10, 2016 at 7:07 pm
I’m in a messy situation. This is the second time my ex and I have broke up for the same reason–he didn’t think he could love me, at least not as strongly as I felt for him. He told me he is missing the passionate feeling of love, which is why most of his relationships/dating partners don’t last long. Though I am his longest gf I believe (about 1.5 years). For the first month after we broke up, I kept initiating contact with him. For 2 months after that, I did NC; told him never to contact me, and unfriended him on Facebook. In the past couple weeks, I reinitiated contact with him and eventually we became physical again, but with him making sure it was “no strings attached”. He has been talking to people online again but hasn’t met with anyone on okcupid. He told me he still has some feelings for me (but they are less because time has passed) and that sometimes he can see a future with me. We never had the honey moon stage, but fell quite comfortably to each other. I asked him if we could restart, and he told me the answer is still the same. He told me he would take me on a date for my birthday at the end of the month, but I think only because it’s my birthday. Overall, he has never reached out to me on his own. I have to prod with questions or initiate first. What should I do?
Helpless
June 19, 2016 at 2:17 pm
Is going through NC the right thing to do right now? He’s never going to initiate contact I’ve convinced myself of that. I am sure he will only check in with me if it’s my birthday. When would it be the right time to stop hoping?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 21, 2016 at 4:56 pm
I think we need to start on your mindset first, you said you convinced youself that he won’t contact you. Why not think of it in a way, that you should give him a reason for him to want to contact you.. and also, you have to ask yourself, do you want this or not? Nothing can help if you think you’re ready to move on..
Helpless
June 16, 2016 at 3:01 pm
In that sense, are you saying I shouldn’t give up?
Also, when we hooked up he would say things like ‘we should’ve done x more’ or say compliments to how my body was becoming since I started working out a lot. Would it really be bad to have dinner together on my birthday? Also what is any physical contact like making out bad or only sleeping together?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 18, 2016 at 12:53 pm
yeah take a chance.. and yes to no physical contact for now..eveb kissing it would get confusing for the both of you..take it slow
Helpless
June 16, 2016 at 2:19 am
I am doing NC again since we last hooked up a little over a week ago. My birthday is at the end of the month. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 16, 2016 at 12:46 pm
Hi Helpless,
don’t sleep with him again and then focus on improving yourself.. I think you should skip going out with him on your birthday.. go out with friends instead..show him that you are not chasing him and holding onto what’s left..
hope
June 6, 2016 at 8:26 am
Hello,
Me and my ex had a 4 years relationship and we broke up about 3 months ago, well, kind of… About 2 years ago he met a girl and within a week he said he was in love with her. He would talk to her and if she wanted him, he would leave me. The girl didn’t want him so he comeback to me. Meanwhile, while trying to fix things, i met someone else and we broke up but he kept living in my house because he had nowhere to go at that time and the guy I met was more an emotional relationship since it was long distance. during a year he tried to get me back and i was very unsure because i had no confidence. About a couple of months ago, he moved to another country and I wanted to tell him that in face, we have never been apart and that proves me we can’t live without one another but then he said it was too late, he didn’t want me back.
I found out that happen because he was in love with another girl (that’s why he changed). This girl has a boyfriend and so he doesn’t have much of a chance but she kind that gives him hope so it’s enough for him. On top of that, he that was never popular or had lots of friends, started to have parties everyday (even though he has to work next day). HE was a bit obnoxious on other’s people perspective but now it seems people like him and he has things to do which never happened before. I am happy that he finally has friends but this decreases my chances of having him back, right? He is so busy, having so many parties, going out with so many people, and has this girl giving hope (although he could have other girls if he would try) so he never ever even remembers me or talks about me (I asked to his closest friend).
I did all right: NC period for about two months and still going on. I sent him a message after that, he answered, i said something back and got no more reaction( also didn’t have any question on it, but still…).
With all this popularity it’s hard, plus, i now live in a different country so we don’t even see each other and i see my case totally lost… is there something i can do? We are not talking, he doesn’t are i know for a fact. he wants that other girl or this single life rather than me and as for me… I realized during that time that he is really my soul mate, that what we had was deep, we had really a good relationship and we were happy. It is important to note as well that i am 5 years older and was his first girlfriend. I thought this was a phase because of that but no… he really doesn’t seem to want me back ever, i have a job, a quieter life and he wants friends and parties…
If any of you ca please help me a bit… I asked help to all my friends but they all seem to agree there is nothing to do, he will never even think of me. But how the hell do you forget 4 years of you life, specially because it was good ans healthy and we went thought so much together…
Thanks in advance
hope
June 9, 2016 at 7:59 am
Update:
Our cat was missing so we started talking again. I said i was sad because he was not being my friend. He said he would not stop talking to me any longer. Then i asked if he missed me he said: no and definitely not in a romantic way. What do i do? is it possible to change that? it seems very determined and we are not together physically and he is chasing this other woman and, to be honest, any woman… I talk to him now , normal things, but won’t this put me in friend zone? Keep talking is not changing anything… I tell him how busy I am, how happy I am, about friends and trips…. Told him I am not romantically interested as well so doesn’t feel i am chasing him, but yeah… i am not there and it is just talk. What do I do? Is it possible for him to change what he said? In distance everything is harder…
Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 15, 2016 at 6:21 am
HI Hope,
I think you should read this posts:
The ungettable girl
How to make your ex boyfriend chase you again
Anon
May 28, 2016 at 12:29 pm
It’s only been a couple weeks after the breakup, but I’m confused about my situation. We’ve been together for almost 7 years. The BU ended on a bad note, I’ve begged and done everything I could to convince him for about a week. He blocked me on his phone for this reason & ignored every message on FB. He kept low contact & only called me two times to check up on me, say he still cares about me, & that he’s done but he wants to stay friends. Our relationship was fine, until 2 years ago, when I dealt with a life changing event (eye problems). I became clingy, and he got closer to gaming. We’d hang out a lot but not really communicate (he always avoided problems through gaming). He admitted recently that he was only with me because he didn’t want me to be lonely throughout my eye problems. But I don’t entirely believe it because we’ve had such great times & he’s shown that he wanted my company. We didn’t make much effort to improve the relationship because we were just so used to each other. My eye journey is coming to an end, & I said things would get better when it’s all over, but he doesn’t want to stick through it. He said he realized it wasn’t worth it and he just wants to make friends and date other girls (we’re each other’s first serious relationship, so is it GIGS?). Like I said, it’s only been 2 weeks since the BU. He seems to enjoy his life at the moment & he called to check up on me today. I remained positive & said I’m fine being friends. I am about to start NC now, but I’m scared that he won’t make an effort to talk to me because he said it’s fine if I can’t be friends. Does that mean he won’t miss me? Is he really done? Everything was fine until my eyes made me depressed. Should I extend the NC if he doesn’t contact me, or remain his friend & show I’ve changed?
Anon
May 28, 2016 at 12:38 pm
We’ve never really been apart, so at first he asked for space, alone time, and a chance to make more friends. I agreed to it, if we could have the chance to make the relationship better after 2 months, when he is back from a family vacation. He was fine with that, until a week later when we had a huge fight that lead to the official BU. He said the chance was gone, and he was done for good. This was the first time he’s made the effort to actually avoid and block me on his phone. This is why I’m so confused on how well my chances are. We’ve always had some fights & I’ve been having some attitude, but I’ve always made the effort to make things better for 7 years. He knows how committed, faithful, and available I am. Do I act like I’ve “moved on without moving on?”
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 29, 2016 at 3:35 pm
Hi Anon,
Yes, it’s a gigs phase. You’re young and you’ve been together in a long time. So, it looks like it got boring for him. You can’t be his everything. Nobody can be everything for somebody. You know, for a relationship to work long term, there has to be variety. We can’t guarantee that no contact will solve it for you, but it’s the first step to gain your individuality because in order to have variety in the relationship, you have to have your own life. YOu have to have something to bring in the table. If you let your world revolve around one person and you don’t grow and expand your world, it will really get boring in the long run, sickness or not.
I suggest you check out this posts too
How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Regret Letting You Go
What Really Attracts An Ex Boyfriend To You?
Chase Theory: How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Chase You Again
Adrienne
May 25, 2016 at 9:38 pm
What if you do the process and it works, but after 2 months he leaves again???
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 28, 2016 at 3:54 am
Hi Adrienne,
why did he leave?
jasmine brown
May 23, 2016 at 4:14 pm
Me and my ex boyfriend were together for 10 months and we broke up last week. He told me he couldn’t do long distance and just wanted to be alone for everything and everyone. For about a few days i kept texting him and calling him but every time he always said he didn’t want to talk or wanted me to leave him alone. So a few days i stopped and he now talks to two different girl one is an ex he was with for about a week and the other girl is someone new. Yesterday he told me that he wanted me to go away and i asked him if he never wanted to be with me again? did he wanna mess around? does he wanna fall in love with someone else but all he said was “Noooo leave me alone please.” Did I lose him forever ? will he ever come back to me.. I don’t know if i pushed him even farther away from me because i wouldn’t let him be, I just had so many questions. We were both in love with each other and it was just like he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I feel I probably really lost him for good and that he really doesn’t want to be with me anymore.
Jasmine Brown
June 20, 2016 at 8:40 am
No I tried several times, I talked to him on and off for about a month after and he ignored me some of the times.He ended up calling last week telling me he still loves, needs, misses, and wants me very much but he’s just confused, he also said i dont know how to give him space, or time. A few days later he ends up dating his ex again and now says he loves her. He ignored my messages from when an incident happened but a few days later I tried to clear the air and still no response. I kind of feel like I’m never going to get him to response to me, even though he’s really been the only one causing all the damage with the lieing and not knowing what he wants. I don’t know what to believe or do at this point Its like trying to get him to be truthful doesn’t work. I’m not sure if he will respond or not but for us to have so many memories together and for us to love eachother as much as we did and wanting to spend the rest of our life together it hurts but I don’t know anymore really.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 6:51 pm
Hi Jasmine,
have you started active no contact?
Vicky
May 21, 2016 at 9:34 am
Hi There, I could really use some advice. My partner and I had been together 3 and a half years. We had our challenges (he has behavioural issues: ADD amongst others which cause him to have challenges. He obsesses on a hobby, cannot manage his finances, cannot maintain order or structure, has no sex drive, is obsessed with diet and his physical appearance, acceptance of others is everything to him on a huge scale, he struggles to show emotion and shows disconnection in a traumatic situation. While I on the other hand have struggled with depression for years following a rough childhood and running away at 16, I however am very good at fighting my demons. He is not and refuses (despite acknowledgement of it) to seek help.) So…I had 2 choices when we met: to either try and understand his challenges and work with it, or walk. So I did my research, stuck with it and we built an amazing relationship.
Fast forward 2 years and unfortunately I found his mother was a very unsavoury person. She stabbed me in the back and almost caused him to leave me because of her poison tongue. After that, I was so intimidated and scared of losing him, that I could never bring myself to speak to her again (this amplified by my past trauma of having a manipulative controlling mother myself.) So he was torn between his loyalties to family and girlfriend – that did cause a few arguments.
He kept telling me I needed to sort it out and fix it, but I was terrified. I went back to counselling, but couldn’t get past the issue. He would tell me it was the one thing holding us back.
Then last year I had a motorcycle accident and broke my leg. It turned out I had a kind of brittle bone disease which caused osteoporosis. Surgeons since broke my leg an additional two times and my leg is now titanium from the top to my foot. I’ve mostly been unable to walk without crutches for 10 months.
As mentioned, he is very disconnected to emotional trauma – his friends know and it is evident from his actions too. He wouldn’t even visit his dad in hospital when he had broken his back. So aside from driving me places, there was little or no emotional support, but I knew it would be the case. I dealt with it.
In february, I ended up in hospital for almost a month and my best friend had a go at him for not being there for me and always concentrating on his private work – he has to do his private work, it’s part of his behavoiur that he can’t leave jobs unfuinished. This created WW3. By text we started rowing (because I was extremely stressed about being stuck in hospital) and it resulted in me texting I’d had enough, I’m done. The very worst thing I could’ve ever done. I then immediately retracted it, but he wouldn’t listen. When I was eventually discharged, he asked me to move my things out of his flat. It was hard work on crutches by myself after major leg surgery, but I did as he asked while he was abroad.
I then left him a letter saying I was sorry and everything he’d said (which I’d taken personally) was right and if he could give me one month, I’d rebuild my head, body and then our relationship. I promised that if at that point he’d give me the chance, I’d sit down with him and his mother and talk it all out once and for all. I left it all to settle for a month.
Just over a month later we met up and I reminded him of that promise, he listened and said nothing I just asked him to think about it.
Two weeks ago I decided to try and break the ice and start texting again. Light hearted texts about things we both love and relate to, his responces were slow but positive. Last week I said we should hang out, he suggested we have a BBQ just the two of us at his. It was amazing being home again. We came in and watched tv on the sofa again together with our cats. At the end of the evening, we hugged a long tight hug. I stupidly asked for a kiss (soooooo stupid) but he shook his head. It was too soon. Can’t believe I did that. I made a quick joke of it to prevent awkwardness. Not heard from him much since.
Today is our mutual friends wedding day. He is best man. I am going to the evening reception, armed with the best dress I could find. I hate my crutches, but I’m only taking one tonight in the hope he sees I am getting better physically – I worry my disability makes me very undesirable and reminds him of bad things.
He will have been at the wedding all day and drinking, so I’m nervous about how he will act torwards me. He will either be extra nice, or he will not want to be seen talking to me in front of our friends – regardless of them all knowing our situation.
I guess I’ve just got to be seen to be having fun and carefree in the hope that all the positivity will make me more aluring than repelling. Just got to see what happens.
We were so close…he even mentioned to friends that we’d be looking to buy a house together in the next 12 months.
I can’t give up on this because it’s everything that I want my future to be, I believe I can fix things with his mother too now.
I’ve just got to convince him to give us another try.
Vicky
May 25, 2016 at 3:18 pm
I forgot to say: a week before while on our friends stag do abroad, he got mugged. At 4am it was me he called for help. He was not drunk, but in need of help as he was in a state. For an hour and a half I stayed on the phone with him. Maybe there’s something there if I was the one he needed in a crisis.
The evening of the wedding, I made the effort to patch things up with his sister (after 2 years of feud) in front of him. Then when I went to leave, he came running after me. Asked how I was getting home and said he’d call me.
It’s been 4 days and he hasn’t called so I’ve initiated 30 days NC.
My question is: does NC work on a person with an avoid-attachment disorder? He’s so independent he might forget me :-/
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 4:45 am
Hi Vicky,
if he really has a disorder, he has to seek professional help.. but it’s still better if you do nc because it will give you time to focus on yourself to really improve. You have to be more emotionally independent if you really want to pursue a relationship with him. You have to have your own life.. and that’s probably what he wants to if he’s emotionally avoidant. That least he would want to do is a clingy or needy girlfriend.
Sara
May 17, 2016 at 4:45 pm
My ex and I dated for a short time. We became exlusive after 1 month, and broke up after 3 wks of being officially. I found him still active on a dating site. The day prior he ignored my call, and he never did that, so I felt the urge to test him. I knew it was wrong, but people told me to make a fake profile, or else I’d never know if he was talking to other women. So I did. I messaged him and he replied back very quickly stating he was looking for someone X,X,X to make his wife basically and made some joke. I was hurt, I didn’t know how to react. Out of anger I texted him and told him it was me and broke up with him. He told me he knew it was me all along/ and that we weren’t really even official, even though he asked me out and called me his gf multiple times. I even met his parents. From there, I apologized for what I did. He ignored me for a while, but eventually told me he wasn’t over his last gf. So we just were friends. But then he started dating a girl only a few days after we broke up. Eventually he texted me with this huge lie of a story how they weren’t anything, but he didn’t know I saw them being lovey dovey when I ran into them. I haven’t heard from him since. But he is now dating a different girl. I still miss him, but moving on is hard. We had a lot in common, and things were great before then. I figured if he truly cared he would have made contact, but when he did it was full of lies/ and no apology. I can’t help but wonder why, he never lied to me before. He treated me like I have never been treated before, I loved it. We wanted the same things in life. But he moved on so quickly. I realize we dated a short time, but in that short time I felt a connection I never felt before. What do you think? I have been trying to move on, we have had no contact since end of March, but sometimes I can’t help but think of the good times.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 6:14 am
Hi Sara,
I think you got serious for him way too soon. He was on the dating site to find someone to date but 1 month after isn’t enough to say that a guy is serious, whether you’ve seen each other in person or not.. And when you date someone through a dating site, and you didn’t have enough foundation of being friends before dating, you have to be observant on his actions rather than his words because you don’t know him. If ever you’re going to try it out on the dating site again. Take it slow, let the relationship grow first before putting all your trust in it.
Maria
May 10, 2016 at 7:41 pm
Hi!
My date (never called him my boyfriend, but he called me his girlfriend to everyone) dumped me by text 26 days ago. He said he loved me very much and that I was amazing, but he needed to be by himself for a while to get his life back on track. And that he wanted us to have a talk when things had calmed down, and that he felt really bad about the text and wanted to talk to me instead. But he didn’t know what to say or how to do it, he just couldn’t get himself to do it when he looked at me. And his friends and mother all thought that even though he loved me, he should take his time and be by himself for a while. And not jump from one relationship to another right away. I replied that it would be easier for me to show him that I respected his decision, that everything had taken a toll on me too, but that I deserved more than a text. no reply.
Thing is that 4 months prior to us meeting, he just ended a 3 year long relationship. I actually helped him move his stuff over to his friends house…From the start, everything around us made it difficult. He moving out from his ex into an apartment with 4 friends of his. We could never stay at my place, cause I took my dad in a few months back so I live on the couch. So we were never alone. His ex constantly screaming on the phone or sending rude texts, his mother got seriously ill and still is, issues with his stepdad, the move/transition. His friends and family said they all loved me, and loved how happy I made him. That he constantly talked about me and how special he thought I was. When we weren’t busy taking care of everything that happened around us, we were pretty much perfect! We laughed together, cried together, we both agreed that we had never been in such an easygoing relationship. Talking about our future together, making a timeline, even named our future babies, haha! But then the text came…
I have not contacted him after I replied (as mentioned earlier), nor has he contacted me in any way. He’s always been the first to check out post on stories on snapchat, but this Saturday, he blocked me! Yes, that night I posted a lot cause I was having so much fun! He checked them all, and suddenly I was blocked! Not once have I sent anything to him after the break up, not a text, snap, anything. He hasn’t blocked me on anything else, just snapchat. But he’s the one checking my stories, why cant he just ignore it instead?
What do you suggest I do here? Give it even more time? I feel like I have to since he just blocked me on snapchat. So texting or calling him now would just make it worse. Or should I just move on? I just feel like us was to good to give up on, and that he just needs time to sort his life out by himself…we both used to say that “in order to be truly happy with someone, you need to take care of yourself first”, and I feel like that is what he’s working on right now…
I love this page, and I really hope you can help me out here with some great advice.
-Maria
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 12:27 am
HI Maria,
I agree to give him time first.. everything has been happening in his life all at once right now.. and it’s better that he doesn’t asssociate you with it.. I’m not sure that one month is enough but you should still start no contact procedure whether you’re blocked or not to help you heal and improve yourself.
Antisha brown
May 7, 2016 at 10:23 am
Hi,
My ex and I were dating for 3months in the fit month he asked me to move in and I said I would think about it… In the 3rd month I said I wanted to move in and he said it was too late when he ask I didn’t responded…then last week he started distancing himself…mind you a few days ago he introduced to his mother. So I asked him what was the matter…no reply for days…then he calls and said I had a package in the mail so I asked him if I did something wrong he said no he just doesn’t think he wants a relationship…so I ask if we could talk in person so he said come over Monday. I went and he said he just does not want to be in a relationship and he had all my clothes packed up…I was crying my eyes out…an hour later he texts and ask if I could do lunch Wednesday I said yes…but Wednesday he cancel and ask if Thursday so I agreed…all day Thursday I didn’t hear from him so I called and he said he was busy and apologize…so I said are we going to meet agia not he said he won’t call me again and I need to move on..it’s over….so I stated texting and calling like crazy so later that night he text and ask if I was ok or going crazy… The next morning I called him and was crying and begging him to give us a chance he says if I call him agin he will block me and to move on…I have a package to be delivered to his house on May 11 which I preordered a month ago… So on May 7 yesterday as the last I spoke with him… I didn’t call or text it’s only been a day… What do I do when my package gets to his house… Because I’m trying to go no contact like he ask
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 9, 2016 at 1:33 am
Hi Antisha,
nothing.. Just continue on with active no contact..
alicia
April 28, 2016 at 4:51 am
its me again.after 30days of nc there was simply no reply.i patiently waited and after 62 days finally i received not on but 3 texts and 2calls. we met and he asked me if i was seeing someone else and if i missed him. i said no to seeing someone else but asked him how about you to missing him. in which he ansed all the time. we were supposed to meet up the next day which he backed out claiming to have another appointment. i texted him 2days but there was no reply and called him the 3rd but still no reply then texted again. he replied on e 4th day to meet up the next day. yet last min he told me not to come and gave some excuse. i replied ok. but after an hour i blew it i called him said we needed to talk demanded to meet him but he said he was tired and wanted to rest i suggested meeting the next day but he said he had loads of things to so and is busy but unable to tell him exactly what his doing. he told me tge reason why he wants to break up is that he feels he does not have enough time to do what he wants and suppose to do. so i asked him about us?he said he simply thinks we cant work out because he does nit have time to spend with me.all he wants now is to talk to his mum. watch anime and smoke. he said its not only to me but to everyone he has no interest to speak to anyone except his mum. so i asked why then bother to call me out and when i pushed for another time/day he insisted it was urgent. i know his an introvert but theres not much help on recovery of an introvert here. i called him to meet again and said i will wait he said its up to me and i can do whatever he wants but dont force him then he hung up. i tried to call the next day but no answer so i texted i was sorry and hope his okay. is there anything i can do to salvage the situation or is it beyond hope
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 7:15 am
Have you checked out this post? Introverted Ex Boyfriends Vs. Extroverted Ex Boyfriends (How To Approach Them)
if not, for now let him do the moves.. and whenever he texts, be positive.. if he initiates a meet, don’t check on it.. let him update you.