When You Should Stop Trying To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

1,125 thoughts on “When Should You Stop Trying To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back?”

Misterry

April 27, 2016 at 5:28 am

I just wanted to share my feelings. Thanks for reading.

Me and my boyfriend has been in a relationship for 2 years 2 months (First 1 year under same roof, 1 year 2 months LDR) until we broke up yesterday. This is our second breakup. The first one was three weeks ago.

Basically I was in the wrong. I called him names I shouldn’t.

But why I did it? Because he went out with another girl. He was truthful about it, even telling me that he was going out for a lunch with the other girl before they went out. I told him, no, don’t go out with her. But he did anyways. He thought he wasn’t doing anything wrong.

I think it was unfair of him because whenever he told me not to go out with other men, I obliged.

Therefore, I called him names. Harsh words.

He never really mentioned the word “break-up” during the fight, but he told me to return all of his belongings and all the gifts he ever gave me. I apologized to him afterwards, wanting to reconcile.

He responded to my every texts, but I got bored with his cold responses. Why am I getting the blame, when he was the one triggered the fight? Shouldn’t he be apologizing to me too for hurting my feelings in the first place?

He is not trying to win my heart back and neither will I. I love him so much, but I don’t think LDR is working out for us.

Thank Chris for all your nice advises. I have only tried NC for 24 hours, but I am giving up.
Grace Chan

April 14, 2016 at 5:20 pm

Hey there. so my ex hit me, he told me i provoked him. I still love him very much and we lived together. We were together for 2 years. after he strangled me and hit me, i called the police because i was left trembling and scared. he is having a lot of gender issues (gender dysphoria). i tried to be supportive, i bought him fake breasts, helped him do his make up, etc. i was never ashamed of him. I love him very much still but its been a day of no contact ( i had to speak with him because we needed to move his stuff out). He is very angry (understandably), and i really do love him, and i want to be there for him. When times were good, they were really good. I miss him. What do i do ? I can’t do NC for very long because i need to speak to him about the rest of his stuff. I have been very good and direct with my texts. no begging, nothing. Just straight forward “please give me a time and day you can come by and grab your stuff. I understand you are upset but i feel the sooner this is done, the better. Thank you.”

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 17, 2016 at 2:18 pm

Hi Grace,

Leave him and move on.. Trust me, he’ll do it again.. You’ve already put yourself subdominant to him and the next step to get out of being subdominant is by leaving and never going back to him and he has a disturbed psychology.. Leave him and move on.. Give back his stuff as soon as you can but don’t go back to him.

Lilo

April 2, 2016 at 10:17 pm

I didn’t see my comment published but I saw comments from others get published, even when they were after me. Is there a specific rule? Guess you would only help who you wanna help right? Those who never get published wouldn’t get help right? Okay. Thank you. Have a good day ^^

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 6:09 am

Hi Summer,

sorry for the late reply.. I rested for the Holy week. That means they have a previous comment than the comment that you were named Summer so, when filtered tbe newest comments also appeared too, that’s why their latest got answered. If you repeatedly did nc, it actually loses effect and also, it’s better if you don’t mention or ask about getting back together after nc because that shows you’re chasing him. If you want to move on, you have to meet new people and build a new life. If you want to try again before moving on, you have to take it slow and instead of asking him, make him feel he would want you back by building rapport and attraction by being the ungettable girl But the tricky part is, ungettable girls always show their valuable and that they can walk away if the guy doesn’t present equal value. So, they don’t beg. They might ask for clarification but not in a position that would devalue them. It’s just to clarify and to confirm if they should really walk away, so they know they’re not misunderstanding the other guy.

Cari

April 1, 2016 at 8:56 pm

So my boyfriend and I broke up once after 3 years together for no reason really. We got back together 4 days later and he broke up with me another 3 years later, this time with reasons even he was unsure about until recently, after some soul searching I guess you could say. It’s been 3 full month’s since our break up and I had contact with him here and there but this month was the longest stretch of NC, about 20 days. Our relationship was really great, we were happy, we had normal relationship fights but they were always resovled that day, we respected each other and eachothers opinions and we want the same things from life but I want to be married, as does he. The problem is we didn’t have the money to propel that future until now. Now we both have careers and we aren’t worrying about where the money will be coming from should and emergency, or something of the sort, arise, cause life happens. Financially he wasn’t where he’d pictured himself and so I think he brought those fears and frustrations into our relationship. I would love to have him back and I think the NC thing helped but I just don’t know if getting back together is foreseeable. Is there something I could say or do to get him to realize that this is where we were working towards? Do you see potential for a rekindlement?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2016 at 4:08 am

Hi Cari,

ny 20 days only ,do you mean you’re talking now?

Tina

April 1, 2016 at 12:30 am

My “guy”, I don’t like to refer to him as an ex, since we are still close friends, so let’s call him my “guy”. He recently told me that he’s the type of guy that likes girls that are younger than him so he doesn’t want to date. I’m 28, older by almost 5 years. When we first met, he tried to convince me that the age gap was not a big deal, and now this happened. We’re still close friends and when we’re out together, he still acts interested. Even our mutual friends have noticed his behaviour towards me. Do I even have a chance to get him back, or do I let it go? Of course, I care about him deeply and would love nothing more than to be with my guy.

Tina

June 11, 2016 at 6:37 pm

Hi. I’ve tried NC and improving myself, even going out with different groups of people. I’ve also started talking to him over text. He always responds back with positive texts, and we end up talking all night until one of falls asleep. The problem is I’m always the one to initiate the first text. Is that a bad sign? I’m starting to wonder what I could do to get him to initiate first, because I’m running out of ideas on how to text him (and I’ve read the posts about texts on here).
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 16, 2016 at 11:19 pm

not really.. it depends on how you end thtle previous text too.. if the text isn’t ended in a way that he would want to ask about it, then he probably wouldn’t or if he’s used to you initiating that could be a reason too
Tina

May 15, 2016 at 10:32 pm

HI, thanks for replying…I must have missed this message.

He’s not seeing anyone, he’s just spending time with his male friends that are the same age as him and all single.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 19, 2016 at 8:10 am

okay, start improving yourself and being busy and try jealousy moves by going out with other group of friends.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 12:07 pm

Hi Tina,

is he seeing a younger girl right now?

T

March 26, 2016 at 6:48 am

Hey, so me and my ex had a good break up (we parted ways, he said he still wanted to be with me in the future), but post break up was when the the “real break up” occurred (after weeks of built up frustration he told me he didn’t see a future with me and said that we shouldn’t talk for a while because i turned into a “gnat”). I do understand that I annoyed him and a part of me does think that he only said that out of frustration because of course you wouldn’t want to be with that person now after dealing with their frustrating behavior for so long. He really liked me in the relationship (would always say how amazing I was and how much I stood out from all the other girls, he was very gung-ho about us being official and stuff) and used to visit my blog daily (still does visit every once in a while post break up), so that’s why I don’t think he means it entirely.

My questions:
Is it a good sign that they visited your blog like 4 days after saying that? Is that an example of actions contradicting words, meaning that he didn’t really mean it and just needed space?

T

April 6, 2016 at 5:54 am

No problem! I understand you guys are busy. Thank you for getting back to me. ^^
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 8, 2016 at 12:25 pm

thanks for understanding t!
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 1, 2016 at 4:20 pm

HI T,

Sorry for the late reply.. Well, we can’t avoid getting hurt because if not then that’s not love. Just remind yourself that your family’s opinion is out of their worry and that they have the freedom to express what they say and it’s always about what they think of you or him, it’s more from their worries. It’s a good sign that he’s viewing your blog, that means he misses you. I think you can just do 30 days.
T

March 27, 2016 at 6:47 am

Also since he has been visiting my blog like once a week and he’s also reopened his Facebook (he deleted it before because he doesn’t like or care for Facebook and really the only reason he had it was because of a school assignment, initially, and then me), should I shorten my NC from 45 to like 30-35 or should I wait until I get an actual text or more solid sign? I get that the Facebook thing is kind of a long shot because there can be various reasons that he reopened it (he didn’t even change is relationship status yet, but I just think he hasn’t gotten around to it).
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 1, 2016 at 4:20 pm

HI T,

Sorry for the late reply.. Well, we can’t avoid getting hurt because if not then that’s not love. Just remind yourself that your family’s opinion is out of their worry and that they have the freedom to express what they say and it’s always about what they think of you or him, it’s more from their worries. It’s a good sign that he’s viewing your blog, that means he misses you. I think you can just do 30 days.

tatianna

March 21, 2016 at 7:18 pm

I did nc properly. Instead of texting I called him cos I was blocked which led to us having a good convo. We now whatsapp regularly. It’s been a month and our convos have got flirty. I instigated meeting up but it was whilst I was flirting. He asked me to come over and I replied with a joke but then told him I wasn’t going to be his booty call. He said welll if u feel that way then there’s nothing I can do. I said I didn’t want to ruin what we had right now. I said this because I didn’t want to be a one night stand. He told me not to come over as it will complicate things and we should remain friends. I said okay and ended the conversation. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. Cos I want a date not to be a booty call. He said he wasn’t looking for a relationship atm when I asked if he had been seeing anyone recently. I asked to go to a burger bar but I said ohh let’s go during easter. He said he was in france then so I said let me know when ur back. He replied we shall see. But he always talks to me. I have a health condition and he’s always asking about my treatment. But I want to get him back What do I do now?

tatianna

March 31, 2016 at 5:47 am

I saw him at a party but he came whilst i was leaving. I said hi but as everyone was standing next to us it became awkward. As soon as I left the party I got a text saying we can’t be friends it’s too awkward. I was nooo we didn’t get to speak and it was only awkward cos people were there. Then he said yeah he’s overeating. I said to him that Jenny and brad (our mutual friends) placed a bet we would get back together. His reply was no were never going to start dating that’s for sure..sorry if that sounded mean. I was like yeah pretty harsh but I think we work well together cos we’re both still clearly attracted to each other maybe it was timing. He said yeah that’s too I think we tried things too early. I would have kissed u at the party. He continues to send me pictures of things he’s been up to and talk to me on more than one social media.

I decided that today I won’t speak to him and become really distant. I’m really upset that he said no we won’t be dating again that’s for sure. Yet he still talks to me 24/7.

We broke up in nov. It’s now end of March. Maybe it’s time to call it quits? Cos who really pioneers after their ex for this long?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 10:05 am

For me yes, too.. you’ve done all you can.. It’s better if you move on this time.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 28, 2016 at 7:02 am

That’s a good step..if you try to meet up again..just do it and choose a place that booty will not happen so you won’t have to mention that you don’t want it to happen..and then if you can do calls before that while he’s away then better

Anne

March 21, 2016 at 1:50 am

My ex and I dated on and off for about 3 months but have been attracted to each other for quite a few years (the timing just never worked out). Everything was going well, but I had trust issues because of a relationship that had occurred before this one. I also felt like he wasn’t putting in the effort to make this work. The breakup was ultimately pretty bad. After I suggested that we end things because he seemed to have other things to focus on, he agreed. However, after that he told me that I was too needy, I told him that he was too selfish, and all hell broke loose. A lot of mean things were said and he told me that he hated me, that he never wanted to talk to me again and I shouldn’t hope for anything in the future with him because its not going to happen. I know that the things he said were really mean, but I just don’t know if it was in the heat of the moment or if he legitimately never wants me back. Further, I did not even want to end the relationship. I only suggested we stop because I could sense that he wanted to. I know that he is a good person deep down and I know that he does care about my well-being, I just don’t know if I should even attempt to get him back or just let him go. I so far am one week into NC.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 21, 2016 at 11:09 am

Hi Anne,

okay..for now do nc and focus only only in you so you can reflect if you really want him back

Christiana

March 14, 2016 at 4:59 am

I am really struggling right now over what to do. I successfully made it 25 days no contact after what I would consider a fairly tense and negative breakup. There was a lot of fighting in the last few months. My ex and I were together for 15 months.

I ignored his birthday, which was a few days ago, and he then sent me a message saying he had been looking forward to hearing from me, but I didn’t respond. He then sent me a message about some more personal issues and I did respond to that, as I deemed it important and I believe ignoring it really would have caused more harm than good, knowing him. After I responded (kept it short and focused), he apologized for hurting me and told me he hoped I was doing better.

He had also been simultaneously messaging one of my friends things such as how he was worried I was forgetting him, that I hated him, that he loves me still and that we could’ve been happy together.

I just messaged him tonight because I really wanted to know where we stood. He told me loves me and cares for me. He is glad I’m doing well. He misses me. It was as positive as it could be. Even though I got emotional, he took the time to reassure me and calm me down.

However…he does not have the time to be in a relationship now. We are both in college (same one) and he is in over his head in coursework. He is not looking for a relationship elsewhere; he explicitly said that he would love to be in a relationship with me…he just does not have the time. At the same time, he acknowledges that the end of the relationship was bad and that time away from each other has given both of us time to think.

A few of my friends that I’ve talked to think that at this point I should just move on. I don’t really want to. I am sure that I want to be with him, but I don’t know if — from what he’s said — it’s possible, at least not in the next few months or so. Can you please give me advice? I’m desperate. Is it worth pursuing, and if so, how long should I make NC?

Christiana

March 21, 2016 at 12:02 am

It came out through a mutual friend that he does actually have time on his hands. What do I do now?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 21, 2016 at 8:55 am

for me you should move on but if you still want to try nc go ahead
Becca

March 15, 2016 at 7:27 pm

“He has no time” = he’s just not that into you. He may say the words, but actions > words… he can be in a relationship with you and spend what time he CAN with you.. that’s wanting a relationship.
Christiana

March 15, 2016 at 7:08 pm

I just think that all his actions over the past week don’t match up with him not having enough time for a relationship. I believe that he’s busy, but I don’t buy that he’s THAT busy. If anything it seems like he just doesn’t know what he wants…so is NC still an option?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2016 at 2:50 pm

Well, If he’s not being honest and you want to try nc see if it works, that’s alright. Because at least you tried, but if I’m just going to based it on what he said, you should move on..
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2016 at 11:41 am

HI Christiana,

If he’s being honest, that means you should move on. If he tries to be friends, if he’s being honest, don’t expect much. But maybe in the right time, you could get back together again.

Annie

March 8, 2016 at 6:01 pm

Hi,
Me again! I’ve posted on here a lot lately but as I know you see a lot of comments, basically, we split up a year ago, I’ve tried no contact numerous times and that goes fine, after that I do something wrong and it all goes to hell. After the last time I’ve had to accept he doesn’t want me so I asked him to never speak to me again, he text me a couple of days after that when he saw me and recently I called him when I was drunk (I was in a dangerous situation) he didn’t pick up but he text the next day to check I was ok (too little too late) I’m trying to stay strong and stay away from him but all I want to do is text him and tell him I miss him. I’ve done everything I can to better myself and move on, but I just can’t, I miss him too much. Have you got any advice to help me move on from him once and for all? He doesn’t get me not after how poorly he’s treated me for the last year, I know this is the right decision, but it hurts.
Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 9, 2016 at 5:03 pm

HI Annie,

Acknowledge to yourself that you miss him and then write down why. It’s more than just bettering yourself, it’s also building a new life, new hobbies and new activities, meeting new people. MOst of the time, when people can’t move on, it’s because they haven’t build a new routine and met new people..

Leeleey

March 7, 2016 at 3:12 am

Me and my boyfriend had a pretty good relationship I was a great girlfriend in my opinion we were together for 2 years but when he got a second job he started disappearing. I would hear less and less from him. When I would text he would but I just got frustrated when I wanted to talk he was always busy. I asked him when he gets home to talk to me but he would play a game or be on skype. We fought for weeks he said some pretty mean things to me and I did back as well but I never meant any of them. One night I just was really depressed I had, had a really bad day and to top it off my boyfriend still wasn’t talking to me so I sent him a long message saying I wanted to break up and in response I got nothing back. I was pissed because as good as our relationship was he said nothing he didn’t agree or anything. Then I became a text knat which is my fault and I figured out he blocked me. That was a month and a week ago. I talked to him 2 days ago because my sister talks to him and her number wasn’t blocked. They spoke for like 5 min but when he heard my voice he said he had to go. I called again on another day but he asked what and what did I want I told him I wanted to see how he was and why he wasn’t talking to me. He said back that he thought I hated him…I was mad and said some really bad things but I never hated him. The next night I figured out I was unblocked but I think he started talking to another girl I don’t really know. I want him back he hasn’t told me that he doesn’t want to get back together he hasn’t really said anything just when I told him he was wrong about me hating him just that we can talk now but what do I do…

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 8, 2016 at 1:11 pm

Hi Leely,

don’t ask him if he’s talking to other girls… why not initiate, of he thinks you’re angry and he unblocked you when you said you’re not, then it’s a good time to text him

Valerie

March 6, 2016 at 5:55 pm

For resistance #5, my ex and I minimally fought with no yelling. We would sit down and talk out our issues instead of yelling at each other. Our issues were brought up due to the amount of stress we were both going through to balance the relationship and our individual lives/studies. In the end, we broke up. Would this be a good or bad break up?

Valerie

March 14, 2016 at 5:24 pm

I wanted to establish a friendship with him at least, but I don’t think he wants one even though he did tell our mutual friends that he wouldn’t mind being friends. He just doesn’t seem like he wants to talk to me. Should I confront him about this? Or should I leave him alone? If I drop it, I would like to tell him that he won’t have to hear from me again and that I hope for his happiness. Is telling him this a good or bad idea?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2016 at 1:19 pm

Don’t rush it. If he said that, that means you just act to be friendly. If you ask, it’s going to be awkward. It has to be casual. You know just be friendly. Less talk, more act. Coz, asking will just make him think why you’re asking. Let your actions speak for you. If he’s not comfortable then just let him be, and he will realize he’s the one being awkward and you’re just cool with everything.
Valerie

March 13, 2016 at 3:58 pm

With every text, I try to talk about something he’d be interested in. I’m not sure if the way I present it is interesting though.. /:
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 14, 2016 at 3:26 pm

okay, if you decide going to stop and try again, you can send your text to us before sending it to him
Valerie

March 12, 2016 at 5:46 pm

I won’t seem desperate if I text again, even though he didn’t reply? I’m scared I will because I’ve already made the mistake of seeming desperate before.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 13, 2016 at 5:37 am

I reread my comment… it’s sent incomplete..

yes, it’s ok because he’s replying
I was supposed to say cut it in the third text,
but if you sense, thay he’s sti yaking a while or short with replies..either you stop for a month or try to move on because that means he’s uncomfortable talking to you..coz I know you’re doing your best to make it interesting right?
Valerie

March 12, 2016 at 3:52 am

I did text him and he did reply positively with smileys, but after about 4 messages total, he didn’t answer my last message. It said he was online and my message was sent, but he hasn’t replied.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 12, 2016 at 1:33 pm

that’s ok.. you can try again the next day after that, and then on the third text.
Valerie

March 6, 2016 at 6:00 pm

The break up itself was pretty emotional. We were both confused and we were trying to figure out what went wrong. We were just going back and forth (online). After the break up, I cried and I found out recently that he cried as well.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 8, 2016 at 10:53 am

If you werr amicable with each oher during the breakup, it’s a good breakup.. you’re to try to text again in a week right?

Caroline

March 3, 2016 at 8:42 pm

I love your site!

I am 19 years old and dated my 19 year old boyfriend for about a year. We are freshmen in college and go to school together. About 2 weeks ago we “broke up” after a silly fight and we both said hurtful things. During the fight, I convinced him to take a break instead of fully breaking up to see if we could fix our problems (we were too comfortable with each other in the relationship we basically lived together). He agreed and we started the break, which we both agreed not to hook up with other people. On day three (keep in mind I did NOT reach out to him whatsoever) I found out he got tinder and blocked me on instagram, deleted all of the pictures of us from his social media pages. I didn’t understand. I reached out to him (not aggressively) he would barely reply. He was cold. A few days later, he came by to get some things from my room. We got to talking, we both broke down and admitted we loved each other. I asked him if he wanted to get back together he at first said he didn’t know then changed his mind and agreed. I was so unbelievably happy. Day three of being back together he is cold, distant, won’t answer my texts, snapchats or anything. It is as if we are broken up again. I find out he is snapchatting another girl (a younger girl from his hometown). I confront him in person and he gets defensive and angry put he promises he won’t do it again. The next day he did it again. I tried to confront him over text message, he said I was “ruining” the relationship by spying on him. I don’t understand..he was cheating on me. He wouldn’t open up about anything at all. So finally, I texted him saying “goodbye.” I got no answer, no phone call, NOTHING. I do not understand at all! So we were officially broken up at this point. I deleted the pics off my instagram page, took the relationship status off of Facebook, but I did not block him. On day 3 of the official break up I find that he has blocked me on ALL social media accounts. What do I do?? I read the article about blocking but I don’t know if my case is any different. I think he doesn’t want to see my face to get over me, but doesn’t that defeat the purpose if he is trying to get over me won’t he never come back? I just want my best friend back please help me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 4, 2016 at 5:35 am

Hi Caroline,

it’s still very recent.. he may havr also done that because of your social media moves..but that’s ok, that’s normal coz you were hurt.. And he may doing those coz he’s hurt too.. For now let everything cool down first..

Dana

March 1, 2016 at 3:49 am

My ex and I have been broken up for 7 weeks now and today we met up for the first time. We have texted a little before this and he was friendly but the conversations were quite short and mostly just to discuss important things. Today our meet up went well, we talked about unimportant things, mostly just to catch up. However he seemed kind of distant. (Just to add, my friends and family say that I tend to overanalyze things and take it the wrong way so today may have gone better than I think..).

He was friendly, and we were able to laugh a bit. He did most of the talking. He sat kind of far from me, which I felt he did to avoid being close and to avoid any contact. I kept getting the feeling that he didn’t actually care about seeing me. I feel like he only agreed to meet up to be nice. He complimented me and said that I looked good. But he also acted more like he just wanted to be friends. But not even close friends, more like acquaintances.. He also talked about school and how he has been so busy that he hasn’t even had time for friends. He also mentioned that when he completes his degree next year that he doesn’t know where he will be because he needs to complete another degree but mentioned that he doesn’t think that he will be able to stay in the area we are currently in.

I am having an extremely difficult time and have been a wreck the whole day. My friends and family keep telling me that I need to get over him and move on. I feel hopeless and that I won’t be able to get him back at this point. I feel as though he is pulling away and that even if there was a chance that he had feelings, he wouldn’t act on them because of his uncertainty about his future.

What should I do?

Dana

March 3, 2016 at 4:52 am

I think I would like to try building a friendship again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 3, 2016 at 1:36 pm

okay.. if that’s really your choice go with the steps for that..and don’t think about anything else
Dana

March 1, 2016 at 5:41 pm

Should I try to work on tide theory in texting and see if I can build a better relationship? Whether it’s friends or more than friends I don’t totally mind. I don’t feel ready for a relationship anyways because I still want to work on myself and my independence.

Or should I just work towards moving on and maybe write him a letter or try to meet up again to tell him how I feel and get closure? I still don’t know the truth about why he broke up with me and I would eventually like answers. But if I’m going to try to build a relationship with him I will wait for now, but if I am going to try and move on from him forever then I would like to address it right now.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 2, 2016 at 2:34 pm

hmmm..okay make up your mind first if you want to move on or try to start being friends againso that you won’t get confused in what to do
Dana

March 1, 2016 at 4:12 pm

I’m not sure. I suppose I keep holding on to the idea that if we cared enough we would make it work. I want to be there for him and support him because I know he has been very stressed and when that happens it really gets to him. I want to be there for him.

It’s been very difficult for me to not have him in my life as he was my best friend for a long time before we even dated. Although I still love and care about him I think that what bothers me the most is that he is treating me as a mere acquaintance. I guess I could see why I need to give up on having a relationship.. He’s too busy and it probably wouldn’t work out. But I still want him in my life and wish he would stop treating me differently. I want to be able to talk to him and spend time with him like we used to before when we were great friends. 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 5:11 pm

For me being friends is doable for now.. and you’ll probably wait until you get past friendship and that’s dangerous because if you end up friendzone, it will hurt more because you hoped and you invested time.. But if you keep in mind that for now you’re just friends and you actually live your life or have a life other than being his friend..then that could be a healthier choice..Just remember that being friends can either progress to being back with him or you will just stay good friends over time..
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 3:44 pm

I remember you Dana… you have to be open and honest to yourself now.. if he doesn’t have enough time for his frienda, how would your relationship work?

Angelle

February 23, 2016 at 1:23 pm

My ex and I have been broken up for about a month now and we have barely talked since then, but the no contact rule has been consistently implemented for 15 days. He has not tried to reach out not once. I am starting to realize, however, that I fall into the category of girls that will probably not get her ex back. And that is not totally a bad thing, our relationship was unhealthy, stemming from the reality that once he had decided he did not want to be in a relationship, communication was failing and arguments were ensuing left and right….all the signs prior to the breakup were there. He is clearly prideful, stubborn and angry. But I am writing more so to gain insight into the lack of remorse. How can this man that once actually loved me and was crazy about me end it via text and never look back? No reaching out. No apologies. He has been cold since the moment we broke up and unrelenting, and unapologetic. People say generically “he will be back” or “he will reach out when you least expect it.” But all these rules and regulations…and the games…It is madness and it is overwhelming. The inability to even tell someone you once loved and who claims they once loved you that you actually love them because that will only push them away….it is all so upsetting. He said a day or two after the breakup that now was not a good time for us to talk about this. But it is a month later….when is a good time? When we are complete strangers and hate each other? At that point, reconnecting is redundant. Should I even try to reach out and make amends, even if we do not get back together? I just do not understand how he has shut me out completely and what could he possibly be thinking to be okay with that and be such a jerk.

Angelle

February 25, 2016 at 12:26 am

Lol! Well. That is true. I did follow the NC rule and I actually tried to implement the positive first contact….kept the convo short, light, and on a happy note. And that worked well for now! So, perhaps there is room for amicable interaction. The advice on the website has been super helpful and I will continue to consider if whether or not it is worth it. Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2016 at 7:29 am

Hi Angelle,

You said it yourself, he’s stubborn and prideful… that can be one ofnthe reasons why he hasn’t contacted yet

Helen

February 22, 2016 at 9:34 am

Hi Amor

I was in a relaonship of about 3years and I broke with my boyfriend 4 months ago because I suddenly felt like his priorities had changed. Like all relationships we would have arguments and fights about either one of us invoving other people within our relationship. When 2015 begun we both promised each other that we would try and focus on each other more from then onwards and commit to our relationship. A few months later I found out that he had been seeing and flirting with three other girls behind my back but when I found out he had long stopped. He apologised and I forgave him although it took a toll on me. I tried moving past it because I was so inlove with him. When I finally thought we were working through everything, he then suddenly changed. He spent less time with me and it seemed like we had both started being too comfrtable in the realtionship and focused on material things rather than focusing on our relationship as a whole. I addressed the matter saying that I was unhappy and he showed no interest in trying to meet me half. I eventually met someone who gave me everything that I was missing from my boyfriend..the attention, the love, feeling special and knowing that I was the only woman for him. I broke my relatinship because I finally felt whole again and happy with this person I had met. He did not take the break up well which led him into saying hurtful things and airing our problems on social media for the world to see. He begged for me to come back but I did not. A month later I started missing him so badly and started contacting him. For sometime it seemed like we were going to fix things but now he seems to have made up his mind about me and our relationship. He told me to leave him alone and that I hurt him too much for him to can even think of risking getting back together with me. One mistake I did was probably put pressure on him by constantly calling and texting me. Is there still chance for the no contact rule to work considering the fact that we have been going back and forth on what happened for the past three months instead of fixing our relationship and moving past what happend? I also don’t know if I lost him forever or if I should just give him time to move past what happened or maybe I should just forget about it all and move on. I need your help

Regards

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2016 at 11:26 am

Hi Helen

But what about the new guy are you still together? If not, for me nc can increase the chance for the both you to have a reset

Meg

February 19, 2016 at 3:25 am

Hi, my boyfriend and I broke up 2 weeks ago. We were together for 2 and a half years and the night we broke up, he told me “I don’t know if I’m in love with you anymore”. That was a very hard thing for me to hear and I was heart broken. As much as I wanted to get us to stay together I knew that wouldn’t help and he needed his space. Near the end, our communication was getting bad. We laughed with each other less, we saw each other less because he started a new business and worked late trying to get that done. The nights he’d come home, I’d be grumpy and I feel that he just had enough. We go a few days now without a word and then one day he would check up on me. I keep making the mistake by asking if he misses me , and he replys with ” too busy to tell”, meaning he is working a lot to have time to figure it out. I honestly sat for days with no contact, trying to figure it out if he is what I really want and see in my future and he is. i want to give him his space but when i do, i see him post stuff on social media, looking like he is having fun and i feel like he doesnt miss me. He tried so hard to get me and win me over and now i feel like im doing that with him. My question is, do you think i should give up or continue to fight for him. I told him i wanted to be with him and he knows enough for me not to have to repeat it. I am so confused and am trying to find the right way to go about this. He told me he has to miss me for him to want me. I just wish i knew what i should do. Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2016 at 10:24 am

Hi Meg,

he basically told you the solution.. he had to miss you for him to want you.. Make him miss you and improve yourself so he has more to miss about you

Teah

February 16, 2016 at 7:36 am

Hi! My boyfriend broke up with me 6 weeks ago to be with another girl and after 2 weeks of the pleading and trying to change his mind, I then did no contact. This lasted for 2 weeks until he texted me and I replied. I have kept my texts to him brief and polite and haven’t told him I want him back, though I do. His first text after NC he told me he made a big mistake leaving me but didn’t say he wants me back. I changed the subject. Then his other texts were kind of flirty but again I didn’t flirt back and played it cool. Most recently he texted me saying he wants to try again and I replied I don’t know how I feel because I knew he was drunk. The next morning he texted me hi and how are you. I asked him if he meant what he said the night before and he said he did. I didn’t reply and he hasn’t texted me back. I have decided to do NC again as I am not sure what he really wants at this stage and I want to give him space to figure it out. Is this the best thing to do? I am confused and thought it would just be safer to do NC for now and plus my pride won’t let me tell him I want him back until I know he truly feels the same.

Teah

February 18, 2016 at 12:19 am

Yeah after he said yes, I texted back saying if he really didn’t mean what he said it’s ok coz I knew he was drunk. He hasn’t replied since.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 1:16 pm

Oh okay.. but maybe he just doesn’t know what to say.. or wait at least two weeks because of he really wanted to get back with you, he’ll contact you again
Teah

February 16, 2016 at 9:50 pm

Hi Amor, thanks for your reply. The the reason I haven’t texted him again is because he did not reply to my last text where I told him that (after he told me he meant what he said when he was drunk) it’s ok if he really didn’t mean what he said because I knew he was drunk. I know he saw this but didn’t reply. So i just left it because I’m really not sure what to do. Should I still keep texting him? I don’t want to pressure him to leave her and come back to me. Also, we are long distance (in 2 different countries) I will be in his country in a month’s time for a family event and he knows this and has been begging me to meet with him. Because he left me for this girl, I am just scared if he comes back too soon he will change his mind and I can’t deal with the heartbreak again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2016 at 1:20 pm

wait just for clarification,

after you asked him if he meant what he said when he was drunk, he said, yes, and then you didn’t reply and then he didn’t text again too..

or he didn’t say yes at all?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 12:48 pm

Hi Teah,

You’re doing good after nc.. you went slow, didn’t jump right back in.. bit I have I’m just wondering, if he said that he regret leaving you, and he confirmed that he wanted to get back with you when he’s sober, what made you feel he’s not sure yet?
I ever he thinks you’re not ready to be friends again because you haven’t replied to his texts, do you plan on taking the friendship on your pace?

Amy

February 16, 2016 at 5:02 am

Warning: complicated situation. Need help asap. I met my ex years ago, he was married. We were all friends. We had always had a secret attraction to one another. Fast forward. I was also married but unhappy. His wife cheated on him several times. Him and I started seeing each other when his wife kicked him out. It got serious and I left my husband. For the first year there was a lot of flip flopping. I went back to my ex, he went back to his. But in the end we ended up together, both got divorced.

It’s been almost 4 years, I just had his baby in November. I have 3 kids without him, he has 2 without me. His custody was a big reason we fought. I was overwhelmed because his kids are very needy and he always put them before me in an unhealthy way. In late December we discovered his daughter has type 1 diabetes. Our relationship went rapidly downhill from there. The ex wife constantly calls and texts using diabetes as an excuse. I acted like I jealous psycho and threw fits. I’d say he was gonna get back with his ex. He literally got mad and said at least a hundred times he would NEVER get back with his ex.

We broke up early January but I didn’t think much of it because we have a history of breaking up and getting back together all the time. The whole month of January we fought and I found out he was going out partying with the ex. When I confronted him he would say they’re just friends and it’s not my business because we’re not together. This infuriated me and I ended up basically acting psycho. I mean, he’s already left me for her twice now, and he did the one thing he swore to me would never ever happen.

So now he’s there every day, sometimes stating the night. He comes over to see our baby and I swear he’s stringing me along. I wish I knew for sure if he’s just wasting time to make sure I’m wiling to change (I need to accept his kids) or if I was a 4 year rebound and he’s now with his true love. He’ll make comments like ‘I got my hair cut but nobody seems to notice’.. Like he was upset I didn’t fall all over him because of his hair cut. Or I’ll talk about getting new vehicle and he says “well I tried to get you to buy a Honda Pilot but guess you didn’t want enough seating for my kids”. And then there’s this. He works out of town for weeks at a time and just today I asked “do you still want me and baby to come visit you out of town?” he said “we’ll see”.

Today when he was holding baby I leaned on his chest, for half a second he put his hand on my side, then pulled back quickly. Then I sweetly said “I miss you do you miss me?” he said “I don’t miss being yelled at or not being the man of the house”. I kissed his chest and he abruptly jumped up and I think he started to get a bone.

But 3 hours later I called to ask a question about a vehicle, he answered phone and responded, but he was at ex wife’s houae. I said oh you’re at her house. He said “just watching cartoons with my kids”. I feel like he could’ve easily said Ya so what, but instead led me to believe he’s not there for the ex but to spend extra time with his kids. Not sure if this matters but he’s a mama’s boy and he NEEDS someone to take care of him at all times. So it’s killing me that I don’t know if he wants his ex wife, or if he’s just using her as a safe haven to hide the pain from our breakuoe, or using her to make me jealous so I beg for him. Please help, I’m literally going insane.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 11:57 am

Hi Amy,

Did you have a lot of fights and then the ex was nice to him at that time?

Ubby

February 15, 2016 at 6:55 pm

Hello,

I spoke to you before early on when my situation started but I’m back. Long story short, my boyfriend of over a year broke up with me because he has a couple of serious difficult situations going on in his life not related to me and said I was an added stress. On top of that we had a long distance relationship (Not an online one, we visited each other and were connected IRL too).

Right away after the breakup I did try to talk to him in the first few days. He answered the first time, but did not answer the next time. We haven’t spoken since, he has made 0 contact with me at all and I haven’t initiated anything else even though I was the last one to attempt to.

As of today it is officially 3 weeks (21 days) of no contact. Next week is my birthday, and I’m going to be going away for about 10 days on a family trip. I don’t really want to be focused on the situation on my birthday or when I am away, so I’m considering breaking no contact today or tomorrow. If I wait until after the trip, it will be well over 30 days by then, but I won’t have as many distractions to preoccupy me vs. when I’m away and won’t be constantly checking my phone focusing on him.

I am really concerned that he won’t answer though and even though I want to communicate with him, it’s kind of terrifying to reach out knowing he could easily just ignore me, or possibly worse, express he wants nothing to do with me.

Do you think it’s safe to make the contact now under the circumstances? I know that some people DO follow a 21 day rule, but I intended to do the full 30 until I realized the timing lines up with when I’m about to go away for days.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 8:12 am

I think it’s better to try now, so thay whatever happens you have the trip to keep you busy
Ubby

February 15, 2016 at 10:34 pm

Ok, so I decided to contact him… I know he saw it but no reply. Followed all the rules on the site. Back to No Contact. I’m losing hope though. I could understand if I cheated on him or betrayed his trust, but that’s not the case at all, so it leaves me wondering why I am being ignored? =/

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