When You Should Stop Trying To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

1,125 thoughts on “When Should You Stop Trying To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back?”

JessQ

February 12, 2016 at 4:31 am

Hi
Ex boyfriend has broken up with me 3 weeks ago. Broken up due to having quarrel almost everyday due to small issues and its tensing him out and stressing him not able to concentrate his studies and its also due to my insecurities because he lied to me during our first break up and yes this is our 2nd break up. The whole relationship is for 2 and half years.

2 days after a break up he stills keep his word to fetch me off a company dinner then he is still willing to go out with me. There will be a overseas trip going on next month for the both of us that we pre planned months ago and he says he don mind going to the trip still.

2 weeks ago he has been giving me mixed signal and i asked him if he missed me and he says no not at all and he say if i were to have any high hopes he will stop being nice to me And eventually we quarreled about the break up and he says no matter what i say he wont listen and told me to never mention about the break up again.

So few days later after that quarrel we went out for a movie that was on 8th Feb before we met, we have a pretty pleasant conversation lasted for 2days then we met and the meeting was a pleasant one too and alot of times i forgotten and had physical contact with him and he did not back off but i did as im afraid he might feel uncomfortable. well i donknow how he felt after he sent me off i ask a hug and he gave me one and when i wanna let go he hug me tighter before he let me go. I went home to blog about the day and mention abt that i dare not to ask him out on Vday bcos he might be busy and might wan to spent the day with someone else. I know that all this while after the break up he has been reading my blog and to my surprise, after he read my blog, he text me and ask me if i would wan a dinner this sunday of the 14th but he did not says its Vday he just say he rmb that during break up i mention i would want to spend it with him. After that i agreed and we had a short converstion.

Today there is no contact from him at all.

I wish i could understand what is he thinking and how he really felt about me or he is being nice to me because of the trip then after the trip we will be back to strangers again? He knows very well i cant be friends with him. Will we still be able to be together again? I stopped initiate contact to him this 2 days but we are meeting this Sunday Vday.

Jessq

February 18, 2016 at 10:23 pm

Hi!

Yes i saw your reply.
Jessq

February 18, 2016 at 10:20 am

i guess thats the only way. He texted me this morning again and ask how am i feeling today. I took awhile to reply him again. And when the converstaion goes on, he seems cold again or does not seem he want to continue to talk to me. I told him to go ahead to finish doing his stuff. It has been few hours since he did not reply me. I dont know why is he doing this. I do not know if should o reply him again if he text me again.
Jessq

February 17, 2016 at 11:21 pm

Sorry that i posted twice because the comment disappear earlier!
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 12:58 pm

It’s okay 🙂 I’ll still publish this but I hope you saw my answer
Jessq

February 17, 2016 at 11:20 pm

Hi Amor

We met during Vday and everything went well. After the dinenr, we texted. I told him that after the trip i might not be able to accept to go out with him like this anymore because it hurts. He says he understand he says it wasn’t easy for him too he says there is still love in him but lesser than mine and he says even though he told me he don love me anymore which is true, but there is still an amount of love. I told him i donwan to force anything and i want to just go with the flow ans he also agrees and say that we both cant force anything to happen. The next day, we did not contact each other sp the following day i decided to text him and ask abt his day everything went well except i thk he is busy with his studies it took him awhile to get back to me. The next day which is yesterday, he texted me, again it felt like he doesn’t want to talk to me much i guess he was busy. He told me that he is out with his friend so i told him to go ahead and after that he saw my last msg and no reply from him anymore. After that Vday dinner, i did went home and update my blog about how we might go our seperate ways if nothing happens from now till the trip. I donknow how he thinks about it. Do you think we are still able to get back with each other? What should i do?
Jessq

February 17, 2016 at 12:39 pm

Hi Amor

We met on Vday for dinner everything went well, after that i told him that maybe after our holiday trip i wont be able to go out with him like this anymore. He told me that even though he may seem to be okay to stay as friends, its not easy for him at all too he says there is still love in him but just lesser than mine and he may say he does not love me anymore its true but theres still an amount of love there. I’m really confused. He knows that i will want him back. I told him that i don wan to force myself either and i jus wan to go with the flow. He agrees with it and say we shall just go with the flow as we cant force anything to happen. After Vday, we did not have any contact the next day, so the following day i initiate contact with him to ask about his day the conversation ended seems ok and the next following day, i am surprise that he has actually initiate contact with me but we did not really talk alot. He seems uninterested or maybe he is busy? I am not sure what to do. After Vday day i updated an blog post mentioning about if from now untill our trip if theres nothing happens for the both of us, we might go our seperate ways.. What should i do within this short timing to be able to make him want to come back to me again? Isit possible?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 9:26 am

for me I’ll either go for no contact or really be interesting whenever we talk and keep it short
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 12, 2016 at 3:07 pm

Hi Jessq,

What a situation… maybe he just doesn’t want to fight anymore but he still likes to be with you.. If I were in your position, I’ll either stop seeing him or I will not ask and bring up any issue while were seeing each other and just enjoy the moment and not nag him about when will be the next one

Jennifer

February 3, 2016 at 12:03 pm

Hi my and my ex boyfriend split 3 months ago.

We have a son together so we have to have contact together but I really want him back too I have kept In touch with him for our son for him to pick our son up and that stuff but last month I came out with it and told him I wanted him back he told me that far too much had happened for us to ever get back together obviously that hurt me, we speak on a daily basis now and we are friends we talk every day about general stuff and we both exchange photos of our son too, he picks me up from work once a week when he has our boy and he picks me up from other places too if i don’t want to get a taxi.. I really do not know where this is going we are not flirty with each other we are just talking friendly and getting on well at it but he says sometimes that he wants me to leave him alone then the next day he says the its fine for me to speak to him and it’s nice that we get on as friends then the next day he doesn’t know again, we haven’t had a fight since we have split I just don’t know where I stand he says he doesn’t want me back but we are friends and he says he cares for me and will help me out if and when I need it he says he wants the best for me in the future.. he has also said that he’s no good for me as I need a man that wants to be round me all the time and he wants me to be happy when I do find someone else but I’m really confused. Where would you say this is going? Have I just been friend zoned and have no chance at getting him back thank you.

Jennifer

February 6, 2016 at 12:14 am

Hi amor,

He asked me to take our son into his work for a few minutes earlier while I was down town so he could see him for 5 minutes, so I took him down I then asked him if he needed anything from town as I know he’s having trouble with money and had a lot on his mind so he asked me to get him one thing he needed, I dropped it off at his work to him later that day after I had dropped our son off at nursery, I do love how we can get along but every time I see him I just want to ask him if he’s ok cause he looks so down and is in a bit of a mess at the minute I just want to hold him tight, I don’t obviously but my feelings everyday are getting more and more for him! I really hope I can get out of this friend zone he seems happy to talk to me on a daily basis I just don’t know when it comes to men I can’t read them at all he was talking about a mark he had on his neck that I spotted on him at work he said he was messing around with some toy guns with his mates which he probably was to be honest! But I just said I dont really care anyway it’s nothing to me now what you get up to did I say the wrong thing? He owes me about 150 but i keep telling him to keep it cause he has money situations I don’t want him thinking I feel sorry for him, he is helping me pick up some laminate flooring next week too he will always help me when I need it but again I think I’m stuck in the friend zone! Think I may need to act like I’m moving on from him but not actually move on and still talk to him as a friend.
Jennifer

February 5, 2016 at 10:06 am

Hi amor,

How would I make him believe that I’m moving on etc.. do you think it’s a good idea to remain staying friends with him and talking to him frequently or would you stop that?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 5, 2016 at 11:11 am

well you have son together, so basically you have no choice but to be amicable with each other. That’s actually the tricky part, a little jealusy tactic may help. Go out and stop talking about your status and of course maintain yourself
Jennifer

February 4, 2016 at 1:40 pm

Hi amor,

It’s our sons birthday coming up really soon ans I’ve asked him to com ro the safari with us as I’d hate for him to miss out but he says no that he shouldn’t be doing stuff like that anymore..
I just don’t know how I’m going to get myself out of this friend zone he knows I’d take him back in a heart beat! I ask him if it’s ok that we talk and he just says yeah that’s really nice how we can still get on, bit I don’t know if he thinks he has to get on with me for the sake of our son, I just don’t know what else I can do we are friendly ask racgirhrts how we are etc… but what else can I do to make him think that he can love me again like before. Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 5, 2016 at 6:42 am

That’s what you need to work on changing, your image in him that he knows you’ll come back in a heartbeat. But at the same time maintaining to be friends. In short it would be like you have totally moved on, and focused on improving yourself and your sons life
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 4, 2016 at 7:45 am

Hi Jennifer,

It an mean, He’s preventing himself from falling with you again which is great because that means you have a chance. Maybe you need to be mkre comfortable with each other and also maintain being amicable. Don’t fight so he won’t pull back

Jennifer

February 1, 2016 at 11:51 pm

Hi my and my ex boyfriend split 3 months ago.

We havw a son together so we havw to have cobra r together but I really want him back too I habe kept I touch with him for our son doe him to pick our son up and that stuff but last month I came out with it and told him I wanted him back he told me that far too much had happened fir us to ever get back together obviously that hurt me, we speak on a daily basis now and we are friends we talk every day about general stuff and we both exchange photos if our son too, he picks mw up from work once a week when he has our boy and he picks Mr up from other places too if i don’t want to get a taxi.. I really do not know where this is going we are not flirty with each other we ate just talking friendly and getting on well at it but he days sometimes that he wants me to leave him alone then the next day he says the its fine for me to speak to him and it’s nice that we get in as friends then the next day he doesn’t know again, we haven’t had a fight since we have split I just don’t know where I stand he says he doesn’t want me back but we are friends and he says he cares for me and will help me out if and when I need it he eats he wants the nest fir me in the future.. he has also said that he’s no good for me as I need a man that wants to be round me all the time and he wants me to be happy when I do find someone else but I’m really confused. Where would you say this is going? Have I just geek friend zoned and have no chance at getting him bsck thank you.
Kim

January 27, 2016 at 11:55 am

Thanks Amor. I really appreciate your advice, you are very wise.

My ex was flirty with me when he bumped into me in person on New Years Eve, but he hasn’t been responsive to all my texts since, I think he feels pressured that I’m gonna tell him I want to get back with him. Since New Years Eve, I gave my ex two missed calls, he didn’t answer, so after both the calls, I politely wrote a follow up text to say I was going out so we can chat another time, so as not to pressure him to call me.

During our 6 months dating the first two months were magical. But for the remaining 4 months we grew apart and didn’t connect. The reason is that I felt he wasn’t into me, so I had my pride and played hard to get. Our dating was quite casual, we hanged out, kissed with tongues and snogged a little.

My ex dumped me saying ‘we don’t connect’ and he was right. But I want to have another chance with him to connect with him.

Amor, I have a question for you. Since he dumped me, I told my ex that I like him A LOT on the phone, and that I want a full physical relationship with him (because we never had sex). If my ex felt more casual about me, do you think I scared him / drove him away by telling him this after the break-up?

Amor, thanks for advising on 21 days of no contact. If I don’t contact him for longer, ie. 30 days, would it increase my chance to get him back? (I want Valentine’s Day to pass, so he doesn’t feel pressured).

Kim

January 28, 2016 at 9:34 am

Thanks Amor.

In your opinion, based on my story, what do you think my chances of getting my ex back are?

I started no contact since 20 Jan 2016. Since he dumped me on 14 Dec 2015 I have initiated all contact with him, and asked him to give us another chance a few times. He hasn’t replied to all my texts or hasn’t always called me back… As the weeks have passed he has become more distant from me. I haven’t contacted him since 19 Jan 2016 now. I feel like he finds me repulsive now!

What are your thoughts, based on your general relationship experience?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 29, 2016 at 10:06 am

You know, I would love to say you’ll get him back for sure but the truth is, all of this tactics is just here to help increase the chances. So, if you’re asking if there is a chance, there is but I can’t guarantee that for sure that chance is leading for him to come back. We are hoping for that and you’re going to work on that but keep in mind that you need to be open and strong enough to tell yourself that if he doesn’t come back, it’s okay. Sometimes, that acceptance helps too because the guys sees that you have standards and then you earn respect because of that.
Kim

January 27, 2016 at 6:45 pm

Hi Amor.

Just one more thing. My ex dumped me on 14 Dec 2015. I have initiated all contact with him since this date. He responds sometimes… I would like your advice on how long no contact should be.

Thank u.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 28, 2016 at 8:31 am

If the last you sent a was January 19, then no contact starts from that date. The shortest 21 days. It’s your choice if you want to extend it to 30 or 45 days. Some even go for 60 days.
Kim

January 27, 2016 at 6:24 pm

Hi Amor.

The last time I told my ex I really liked him was on 27 Dec 2015, I told him by phone and it was my last phone chat with him. The last time I saw him in person was on New Years Eve, he was friendly and flirty. The last time I text him was Tuesday 19th January, it was a sexual text followed by another text to say sorry if my text shocked him, he didn’t reply.

The last time my ex text me back was on 17 Jan, when I asked him for his car garage details, and he text them to me. We exchanged a few friendly texts. I told him I was having car problems, but he didn’t ask me about my car or offer to help.

Do you think I have a chance to get him back? How long no contact do you advise?

Thank u.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2016 at 3:53 pm

Thanks kim 🙂
when was the last time you told him that? The length of nc actually depends on the situation but 30 days can help because of your reason.

Losing hope ..

January 21, 2016 at 11:46 am

Hey guys,

A quick recap on my situation. Broke up 4 months ago due to excessive fighting. It was quite sad really, we both didn’t want to do it and were both hysterical but he was the one who remained adamant on the breakup. Went on NC for 3 weeks. He contacted me and I replied. Since then things have reminder positive. No fighting. I’ve worked on myself and feel great, but also still feel so much love for him. I’ve adapted Ungettable girl tactics in that I aim to end convos first and at the high point, I haven’t been to available, always positive, shown support, push pull theory, etc. I get a good feeling from him sometimes, and then other times I feel like he’s zoned out. We talk maybe every second day, have hung out, and flirt. We haven’t had a proper date though. Ive read on your site a section that says ‘how to ask him to go out with you again’, and another section that days ‘it should be his idea’. My question is – what do you think my next plan of attack should be? We’ve technically been in contact for 3.5 months .. And there’s been NO talk about getting back together. I’m not open to bringing up the discussion myself just yet, I feel like he needs to do a bit more of the work. Have I just been friendzoned? Thanks!

Losing hope

January 24, 2016 at 9:05 pm

Hi Amor,

I wrote that in my original comment that I don’t think I am. I won’t ever reply straight away to his texts, sometimes I won’t reply at all. If he suggests to hang out and it’s an unreasonable time to suggest it (like tonight) I’ll always say that I can’t, I have plans. And suggest another night. I’ve been the one to end convos first.. Not sure what else I can do to not seem ‘too available’. So again .. What should be my next plan of attack? Should I suggest anything seeing as he wont? Or have I just been friend zoned ?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2016 at 1:06 pm

Hmmm, if you’re flirty with each other that’s good news because there’s a chance that he’s still attracted to you. Just don’t take it Friends with benefits level. Hmm, Maybe you can try to make him go out with you if you mention an event or place that he’s really interested in that only you knows the whereabouts.. like, if he like animals, mention a market place that has cheap animal accessories and recommend it to him, the problem is it’s hard to describe the location. Something like that.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2016 at 1:28 pm

Hi Losing hope,

one more thing, are you too available for him?

Kim

January 20, 2016 at 2:10 pm

Hi Chris. My ex and and I dated for 6 months. He met me at a family functioned and pursued me. Our first 2 months were magic. Then he became more distant and a bit ‘rude’ sometimes, he had lost his job at this time and he is ‘blunt’ by nature. I felt like he wasn’t into me, I started distancing myself from him, avoiding dating him…. We drifted apart. In our 6 months dating, my ex never told me he loved me. We didn’t have sex, but we kissed passionately with tongues and we were snogging more intensely as time went on, but I didn’t feel an emotional connection with him. We broke up on 13 December 2015, after me giving him the cold shoulder at a Xmas party. After the party, at 3am, he texted me to ask why I was upset at the party. I told him that we were getting more ‘physical’ than ’emotional’ together, and that I felt like he wasn’t into me enough. I told him that my ex boyfriend was very into me, told me he loved me everyday and lots of other positive things about my ex bf in comparison to him. We broke up after this conversation.

2 days after the break-up I phoned my bf to apologise to him about telling him about my ex in the way I did. I told him that I’d like for us to start our relationship again.. and explore each other more mentally and physically. My ex and I have different backgrounds. He was divorced by 31 and led a partying lifestyle since then, he is 47 now. I am 41 and an indoor type of girl. My ex said we didn’t connect due to our different backgrounds and wants a woman that he connects with. I was devastated and assured him that I wanted a more OPEN relationship with him from now on, as I’d been cagey throughout dating.

Anyway, I have initiated all contact with my ex since the break-up…. phonecalls and texts. In 2 phonecalls I assured him that I really like him and want us to try again. In other conversations I was more light hearted, spoke about work gym etc.

My ex is only replying to my texts BRIEFLY now. He hasn’t been responsive on the phone recently, not answering or calling me back. I think it’s because he knows I’ll try to get him to change his mind, but he doesn’t want to feel pressured.

I accidently bumped into my ex twice since the break-up, he smiled affectionately, was friendly and flirted a little.

Yesterday, I was craving his attention so bad that I wrote him a sexually explicit text message, I followed up with a second text to apologise for shocking him and saying that I couldn’t believe I wrote him that text! He didn’t respond. I asked him for a car garage phone number on Sunday by text because I had car problems, he sent me the garage details but hasn’t asked me about my car!

Should I move on Chris?! Or do I stand any chance with this guy… perhaps if I do no contact? Please could you advise.

Many thanks Chris.

Kim

January 26, 2016 at 3:33 pm

Dear Amor. Thanks for your advice. How long should I do no contact with my ex? (We broke up on 14 Dec 2015. I have initiated all contact with him sporadically since the break-up, he replies sometimes but his responses are becoming less and weaker as each week passes. I last texted him on 19 Jan).

During dating I didn’t build a good bond with my ex, so I was worried no contact wouldn’t help in my case.

I last saw my ex on New Years Eve. He was friendly with me and a bit flirty too. What do you think my chances are to get him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2016 at 10:43 am

You’re welcome! the shortest is 21 days, you can extend if you want to. What matters is how well you know him, because you’re going to use that for the topics in texting.If he was flirty with you, then you have a good chance of getting back together.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2016 at 8:50 am

HI Kim,

I think what went wrong was it when you started communicating again, it was obvious that you’re trying to get him back. If you want to try again, it can be harder this time but not impossible. You need to make it seem like you’re moving on or achieve the ungettable girl status. Because actually the process to moving on, is also the same process to getting an ex back.

TANYA

January 19, 2016 at 10:03 pm

Hello Chris and EBR Team

Long story short:
1. Was in a relationship for 6.5 years
2. Its been almost over 2 years since the breakup
3. I commited all mistakes of asking him back and being too available
4. I did implement NC and we have been on texting terms
5. I really want to have a mature conversation with my ex as he is sending mixed signals like sending me a mail which reads “It’s time to move away from the past. You are a wonderful, beautiful woman. There is nothing you have to apologize foe and I have nothing but love for you in my heart.”

6. Recently he went on a vacation, but this is the first time he has not shared that detail with me.
7. We decided on a video call, but at the last minute he told me that he is feeling moody and does not want to shortchange a conversation with me.

I know I made a lot of mistakes, but I am certain that we had the best years together and that he really cares for me now. How can I get to have a conversation with him.

I am feeling very low at this moment, and feel like dropping off the grid, to give myself some space for a little while.

P.S: My birthday is coming up and I do not want to respond or receive a “friendly” wish from him.

Is there any hope at all, or am I reading “hope” into his very clear rejections?

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for responding.

TANYA

February 5, 2016 at 11:12 am

True, but that would mean contacting him so he can transfer the hosting to my account.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 5, 2016 at 11:14 am

Oh, if yiu know the password you can do it. but if not, let it be for now until you’re done with nc
TANYA

February 5, 2016 at 4:03 am

Hello Amor

I am following the NC rule now. Besides I don’t want to continue this poor clingy behaviour.

I run a personal website, which was purchased and maintained by my EX. He continues to pay for the annual renewal of this site. I am not uncomfortable with this arrangement.

But I continue to write on this website, as I know he visits it, and I want to use this website to project positive things.

Please suggest:

1. Should I continue writing on this site and not worry about the domain payments, as we had discussed it once and bringing it up now will seem awkward.

2. Should I create my own site and post there. Which he will be unaware of, but I get my own space to write. ( I am very inclined to do this)

3. Should I post a re-direct post in the existing site and direct all viewers to new site.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 5, 2016 at 10:32 am

From what I remeber on how sites operates, you can keep that site, you just have to change it’s hosting
Tanya

January 28, 2016 at 10:55 am

Thanks Amor. I have send in the details at the mentioned ID. 🙂
Tanya

January 27, 2016 at 5:47 am

Hi Amor

🙂 One final query.

I had requested my ex for some video or talk time. He had mentioned that he is not in a communicative mood and does not want to short change me.

I had told him that I understand, and that he reach me when it feels alright.

This happened on 17th January. I know I should give him more time, but each day is difficult for me. When I am occupied with work, it is fine but its those moments before sleeping that I feel an impulse to check on him.

How do I approach this situation? How can I re-ask for time or if he is available for a call anytime soon? How much longer should I wait to re-ask?

Thanks again!
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 28, 2016 at 5:43 am

Hi Tanya,
I saw your last comment. If you want, you can send it here [email protected]. Only Leah, our team member will see your mail and she can forward it Chris if needed.
Tanya

January 26, 2016 at 2:22 pm

🙂

You have helped me solve some issues, that I was unable to do in my emotional state.

Thanks 🙂 again. Good day!!
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2016 at 5:30 am

Awww… I’m glad to be of help! Thanks too Tanya!
Tanya

January 25, 2016 at 5:44 pm

Hi Amor

Thanks again.
As I am not in the most positive frame of mind, I want to take some tome for myelf. ANd not respond till I am certain of my mood.

P.S: We are currenty in different countries.

What do you suggest. Will I be too late, if I do not respond soon? Is it ok to direcly ask him if he is seeing anyone now?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2016 at 9:55 am

You’re always welcome. 🙂 It depends on how late, it can also help because he will not to think you’re too available but maybe don’t go longer than a week. On that question, rephrase it, like, “don’t you have a date today?” asking it directly might me be too forward
Tanya

January 25, 2016 at 12:47 pm

P.S : He send in a link to a youtube video with a note “Thought you might enjoy this.” I have not responded to it yet. As I am confused on what this is. Certainly dont want to be just a friend.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2016 at 2:27 pm

You’re welcome Tanya! He’s message is a good sign that you’re reconnecting. Giving value to the conversation means that you talk about things that he’s interested in or he wants to learn from. Pretty much like he did in that message. He sent you something that you will enjoy.
Tanya

January 25, 2016 at 12:40 pm

Hi Amor

Thanks for the response.

Since he has been responding to my texts, I did not implement NC after 2 years. Although in between there were phases of 2-3 weeks of NC.

I value all our conversations, could you elaborate what you mean by “Give value to the conversation. ”

What I perceive as his clear rejections:
1. In one mail conversation, he began with a sentence that “It’s time to move away from the past.” and followed it up with “I have nothing but love for you in my heart.”
2. Immediately post breakup he said he has lost trust in us, and cannot see himself with me or any other girl the same way.
3. He is very distant in his conversation, even if he compliments me or is courteous.

I am not good with mixed signals. Maybe these are clear reactions and I am reading hope in them.

Thank you for helping me in this difficult time.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 21, 2016 at 3:13 pm

Hi Tanya,

I just want to be sure. You implemented NC after two years of break up, right? Based on his email, you talked about the past and you apologized.
I think you should focus more on the now and not letting him think you’re aiming to get him back. Build the rapport again. Don’t talk about relationship statuses. Talk about his interest and make yourself interesting too. Give value to the conversation.

In your point of view, what is he’s very clear rejections?

Kaye Marie

January 2, 2016 at 8:35 am

Hi Chris.
I really appreciate your website. Thank you for taking time to help people.
I was with my ex for 2 years. They were the best of my life. His too, I know. We didn’t fight. We were a great team. He broke up with me over my family almost 8 months ago. But we had a relationship without a title for 4 months after.
It’s been nearly 5 months since we’ve spoken. He started dating someone else so quickly after our 4 month “non-defined” relationship. (After the breakup)
I haven’t tried to get him back. I’m afraid to try, though I know he’s worth it. So I’m trying to give up.
Last year he gave me a diamond necklace. It was my first diamond received and his first given. I’ve held onto it in hopes he would come back.. But I don’t see it happening now he’s been with someone else for 5 months. Should I give it back, or is it too late? I can’t sell something that means so much. And I can’t wear it for the same reason.
Hope to hear soon. Thank you

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 19, 2016 at 11:05 am

Hi Kaye Marie,

It only depends on you if you want to try again. Courage is not having without fear, it’s acting with fear. If you can’t handle rejection, (If ever. I’m not saying he would) is it easier to handle regret?

Lily

December 31, 2015 at 6:41 am

Hi Chris,

Before I read this website I tried to get back together after less than 2 weeks and it didn’t work. Now I’ve read this article I realise I should’ve applied the NC rule, is it too late now to put it in practise? I heard he’s moved on already and he has also met two of the resistances that you mentioned (saying I don’t want you back and fallout) but I really do want to try my best before giving up.

Chris Seiter

January 16, 2016 at 11:26 pm

Definitely should have done it and it’s not too late to implement it.

Peyton

December 21, 2015 at 2:14 am

Hi Chris – I tried twice before to get a hold of you – I know how busy you are but I really need some help here – please! 🙂

Here is my story in a nutshell…

I need some help. I am 16 and was dating a great sensitive caring guy from high school for 11 months. It was our first relationship and we experienced a ton of special things together. He was head over heels for me, probably more than i was but nevertheless the first 6 months were great. He was so attentive and caring throughout our entire relationship. Then I started to feel like he was boring and redundant and I was getting easily irritated and not treating him well. He followed me around like a puppy dog which made me take him for granted and he never got the hint because he didn’t give me any space really. He was obsessed with being in contact with me every day, snapchatting, texting and facetiming all day long – it got too much for me I guess. Right before our year anniversary when he made and wrote me a card with his undying love, and gave me tickets to see my favorite show as he was planning something really special and that same day I broke his heart. It was a rash decision on my part because 6 weeks later I am really regretting it. The day I did it, I came home and was a bundle of emotions all weekend. He tried for about 10 days to reach out and contact me – text snap and facetime, looking for my attention – then I guess he gave up. He left one photo on his instagram of us, and I had 4 of us. Throughout this time apart we would exchange nice texts here and there – about some unfinished business we had, staying friends etc. Things seemed ok and pleasant and he would always respond. He said he was ok being friends. About one month after our breakup he removed his photo of the two of us. Two weeks later in school he approached me at school and asked me if i would take my 4 photos down from Instagram, so obviously he was checking it or his friends were getting to him, not sure which . I got defensive and asked him why – with an attitude. He said because it made him feel awkward. I came home and removed them begrudgingly and spent the next 5 hours balling my eyes out. I then sent him a text telling him that i was sorry for having that attitude but I explained that it was because i didn’t want to take those photos down of our great memories together and that the time apart made me realize how much he meant to me…that was the only text ever between us that he didn’t respond to. I am devasted. I see him every day at school and he pretty much tries to avoid contact with me. After that last text, he ignored me. I want him back and I don’t know the right approach. What can I do? Please help? Should I try something funny? Should i try a nice text that doesn’t say much? Do I wait? Please help. I find it hard to believe after 11 months he could be over me in 6 weeks when he was so deeply in love. Help!

Peyton

December 29, 2015 at 2:21 pm

Update – since the no response to my last text, I have waited about 15 days and on Christmas sent him a nice Merry Christmas text – I got a similar response back saying the same. Two days later, I sent another text reaching out because he was out of state and he responded positively more like friends-we had a back and forth exchange for a bit before bedtime. The next day I sent a snapchat about a cute photo he posted but he didn’t respond. What could be going on in his head? Please help me make this work.

Emily

December 13, 2015 at 8:07 am

Chris,
What if I give you the reason of our (me and my bf) break up that his parents would never allow me to be his wife? According to him the “reason” he broke up with me was his parents’ objection. Is there still a chance of getting him? Honestly, I don’t think so.
Help!*

December 2, 2015 at 8:56 pm

Okay, so my boyfriend broke up with me at the end of September. I did everything wrong at first I was a text gnat, a serial caller, pleaded, you get the point. We met up once after we broke up to talk things out. We since have seen each other at various functions since we are both heavily involved in the same organization. The first time we saw each other we just briefly said hi. We spoke that night on the phone which I initiated but it was a good conversation. He stated he didn’t know if I wanted him to say hi or if he could give me a hug hello, etc. The second time we saw each other was at another event and he came over said hi gave me a hug and spoke to me. After that we text a little the next day and I asked him out. We went out and had a great time things escalated quickly and I ended up staying with him. After that we spoke everyday throughout the week. We saw each other again and everything went well we made out. The next couple days we spoke and text throughout the day. The thing is he has never said he wanted to work anything out. He said he wants to be friends right now and see how that goes. But I noticed that I am the one texting all of the time. He responds to me but he hasn’t initiated a conversation except for texting me once. I don’t know if I should go back to NC or what I should do. Should i keep texting or stop and let him text first? I’m so confused right now by what is even happening between us. But when we were together it was normal like nothing changed. I just don’t know if I should get the hint that he isn’t interested in working things out and just wants to be friends? I feel like we have made progress because he is actually responding but I’m the only one texting first everytime. What should my next steps be?
Kayla

November 24, 2015 at 10:18 pm

This really spoke to me. EBR is great if you want to get your ex back, but it can also help determine if your ex is worth having back in the first place. I have tried all things Ex-boyfriend Recovery: working on myself and making great improvements in my life while doing the no contact rule, getting back in contact with my ex and building attraction through text messages and phone calls, and then being asked out on a date. Unfortunately, after a few dates we ended up sleeping together. I started a mini no contact period afterwards and tried reaching out to him again. This time though for dates, he only wanted to do things at each others homes, making the temptation to sleep together far too easy. Clearly, his value for me had changed. When I requested we do something like go out on a date, he would say he was busy. I realized that he may not ever pull me out of the friends with benefits category, so I told him it would be best if we just moved on. He responded very negatively to my response. Thank goodness I did ended things though. Turned out, he was dating and sleeping with several different girls. I definitely dodged a bullet.

Chris Seiter

December 2, 2015 at 6:42 am

Wow! Good thing you dodged that bullet. You wouldn’t want to end up with a guy like that! They rarely change.

Martina

November 21, 2015 at 1:31 am

One thing I found missing in this guide is the situations in which you should think twice about even trying to get him back, which is what I’m looking for now. To discuss ethics and what it really means to get together again. If the cracks of a once broken relationship ever dissapear or if it’s possible to start building from scratch…

I was with my boyfriend for a year and a half. A week ago he figured out he never felt about me as deeply as he should have and that he does not see a future together. He finds it dishonest to waste my time anymore than he did now that he understands this. And that it would destroy us both staying in a relationship when he can’t love me whole-heartedly (I think this could have been partially due to recent events. He knows I want kids, he’s sort of afraid of it, being several years younger, but told me that will probably change in time. Well, a few months back our condom broke and the plan B really messed up my cycle big time, so ever since then the idea of pregnancy loomed overhead every month). Our relationship was fantastic, but looking back, it was more about closest friends sleeping together than real partnership. We were friends 7 years before that and getting together was more of a decision than a sudden flame. Our break-up was actually one of the more romantic moments in our relationship. We both cried when he told me this stuff, when I saw how sad he was I really believed in his honesty. He was very respectful of me and any emotions I might have, but also firmly decided. We talked about it for a few hours through and through so we could understand where the other is coming from, funny how we were supportive of each other even at that moment. He mentioned the possibility of getting together again in the far future, but we both would have to be different people than we are at this moment. He was the one suggesting minimal contact for the following weeks to avoid unnecessary pain while it’s fresh.

Given what we had, the honesty and trust, do you think that manipulation can really lead to a better relationship? I love him. But won’t I devalue everything that was important and everything precious both of us got from the relationship by employing non-transparent methods and schemes? I am confident I can make this happen. But the question is: Should I? Do I have the right? What does it mean, really, to get someone through a series of carefully planned actions like this? What does it say about the relationship? About the people in it? Doesen’t it screw the whole dynamics for good?

I don’t want to get back where we left off, anyway, finally I see the cracks in the walls and that it had to crumble. I want to try build something completely new, better, realer – but I’d love to do it with him, try again from sqare one. Is THIS possible?
Katie

November 14, 2015 at 3:35 pm

My ex boyfriend and I have a complicated situation his sister and my daughter are best friends. They see each other almost every weekend. Although I have started the no contact rule I have ran into him at his mom’s house when I was picking up my daughter. He actually came to my care and asked me “what’s up?” I think he thought I was there for him (awkward). Well after that I spoke to him once on the phone he told me that maybe we can be friends down the road but he doesn’t want to talk about the relationship. He said that maybe in a few months we can get a drink and if the spark is there see where we go from there. What does that even me? He said he broke up with me because of the arguing…they were never make or break arguments. But there were small little ones. His friends are all leaving and moving away his best friend is getting married. There is just a lot going on…there was a change at his job. I am interning for my masters program. I don’t know what to do besides to implement the no contact rule. The problem is his mother talks to me still and his dad and his mom asked me to come over to help her make some decorations. I don’t want to break the no contact rule because I want him to miss me and I don’t want to be the person that keeps popping up in his life. I also don’t want his mom to be upset either. So my question is what do I do? Also he is supposed to be going to an event next week where the girls are performing that’s actually how we met 2 years ago. I know I will probably see him there and I really don’t want contact before then because I don’t want him to be upset. But I don’t want his mom to be upset either.
Gina

November 8, 2015 at 7:48 pm

Me and my boyfriend broke up about 3 months ago so I applied the no contact rule I waited a week later and said something like maybe once ur life calms down a bit we can try us again as long as we help each other with our problems and he said I mean I think it’s worth another shot I just don’t know exactly when that will be. So I said it’s ok and I know. Then I wait a month and no contact at all so I texted him hey and it was really great till we got into our feelings and he said that the break up really hurt him and in the end he thinks that I’m better off with someone I work better with. I kinda lost it then cuz I said I think we are worth another shot and we can fix us but if you don’t think so then I guess we should go our separate ways. And he said I’m sorry and I said me too! I really wish I just left it at that but I texted him the next day and said the least I can do is give u my story on why I’m so quiet and why I get upset when I say i don’t have many friends. So he said u can tell me it but it doesn’t mean it will change anything. That was the last thing I ever heard from him. I texted him after I’m sorry maybe I’m just being stupid cuz I just miss you sorry! I waited a day and texted him again sorry if I seemed weird or anything but I’m just hurt and confused because u said we are worth another shot and now u don’t think we are but I get people can change ur mind I just thought there was hope and now there isn’t but I hope the best for you. That was the last I texted him but then I sent him the letter on why I am so quiet and everything I sent it to his house cuz it wAs way to long to send in a text and I didn’t think he wanted to see me. And I haven’t gotten an answer at all then 2 days later after I new he probably got the letter by then I called him pouring my heart out to him and how I really feel about him. And I got no answer I haven’t heard from him since and that was all about a month ago. Do you think i completely scared him off? Do you think there’s still hope for us? Or should I just give up? I just don’t know..
Kait

November 7, 2015 at 12:19 am

Hi Chris, I know you get thousands of messages like this, but I really need some advice. I think I’ve completely blown my chances of ever getting my ex back, even if I do follow your guides/advice. Basically we’ve been on and off for over a year now and we argue a lot, he never apologises after arguments and will just ignore me for the rest of the day or even for a day+ where as I’ll apologise most of the time regardless and I hate being ignored, especially by him, and then when he does speak to me he just acts normal again or sometimes he’ll say things like ‘going to be a normal gf or still an angry troll’ I admit when we argue at times I can say some really horrible and unforgivable things, but so has he. He’s said many times over the past months that he doesn’t love me and hasnt wanted to be with me for months now. It’s mostly him who breaks up with me, I’ve only ever broken up with him I’ve but I didn’t mean it. He’s also said that he’s only taken me back because I made him or wouldn’t leave him alone. Now last week we had a huge fight on Sunday and things got so bad and again he said were over and that he doesn’t love me anymore and that once I leave his house I won’t be setting foot in there ever again. Things got broken and he got angry and pushed me but I replaced the broken things and got them sent to his house. He text me after the break up saying he got the items but he can’t accept them knowing how he feels about us and that he sees no future for us and doesn’t see us ever working. I tried to do no contact but failed on day 3 🙁 and text him back saying ‘Hey, I was just thinking about the first time we went to the cinema together to see Jurassic World, it was so good. I am glad we did that.’ But because he didn’t reply I turned into a text gnat and then said ‘could we talk please? I don’t like how things were left.’ He replied ‘I enjoyed the good times we had too but things arent the same and we argue too much, please send me your address so i can return the items as it doesnt feel right’ I responded ‘I don’t want to lose you, so will you please work with me to make our relationship work again, I know I don’t deserve it but I care for you deeply and I love you..I want you to keep the them, I’m sorry.’ And again he didn’t respond so I text him again saying ‘Please just talk with me, even if you hate me, please hear me out.’ He responded saying ‘it’s over I sorry, there’s nothing else I can say’ I continued to keep begging him to take me back and him not replying and when he I asked him if he loved me he said no sorry and he also said he won’t be contacting me anymore and i really dont want to upset you more and talking is doing that, you are more than welcome to let me send the items back, other than that good bye. I continued to bombard him with messages and calls, he replied no my minds made up..I continued to message and call him the next day too but no reply. It’s not been almost 3 days I haven’t heard from him and I’m absolutely terrified of losing him. I didn’t text him today so this is the first day I haven’t contacted him for..I want to try the no contact but I always end up caving in. Do you think the Nc rule will get him to speak to me or even give us a chance of ever getting back together? Please help.
Emma

October 25, 2015 at 7:11 pm

I spent time reading this whole article and the question is left unanswered…
Shalini

September 24, 2015 at 5:54 am

Hi Chris,

Thank you for creating such a helpful forum. I really really need help on this. Please!

I started with my bf in December 2014. We met online and within few days, it took off. It was all lovey dovey and fairy tale affair. He wasn’t having a job when we met. Still, I was with him. I helped him financially, bought innumerable gifts without buying for myself, frantically searched for jobs for him, made his resume, created his profiles on job boards, like everything. I literally used to be left with no money. Then also, I never told him so that he doesn’t feel bad about his situation.

He never promised me of marriage but yes told me that he will talk at home and seek his parent’s approval (In India, we must seek parent’s approval before doing anything. No matter how much grown ups we are). I was never comfortable with sex before marriage. I went ahead with him because he wanted. We used to live in different cities. I went to him every time to meet him. He never came to my place. I was ok with that.
Everything was so beautiful. We did have ugly arguments but we rebound.

He got a job. Suddenly I could feel that his interest has lessened. He was nice, we still used to have long talks. But that warmth was missing. He never said I love you.
Then we had our parent’s meeting. Everything was ok until I and him had an argument over wedding arrangements. We argued. I said something which he interpreted to be something else. he never replied after that.
For 2 days, I kept calling him, msgng him, begging, pleading. He was unmoved. I was so shattered that I thought of suicide and messaged him the same. he thought I was blackmailing him. He did not reply even then.

After 2 days, I called from a new number and he picked up. we had a discussion and he threatened me and told me not to call him again. In the heat of the moment, I asked him my money back. To which, he said many bad words which a guy would never say to anyone I believe. He called a prostitute having long term goals. That I spend a lil money on guys so that I can trap them to get married.

Where I messed up: I accessed him facebook, gmail without his knowledge. he blocked me everywhere.

After 2 weeks, i again hacked his passwords and also got pizza delivered to his place, called from a new number pretending to be a different person just to listen to his voice. He threatened me that he will file a police complaint for harassing him. I have become obsessed. Now, i have created a new account on whatsapp just to see him online. I don’t know what am I doing. 🙁 I am just not able to move on. It’s been 2 months since I last talked to him. Still his memories are as fresh as today. I keep on revisiting my chats with him, keep checking my phone logs when I received his last call on my number.

I know I have messed up everything to a huge extent. Still, I want him back. Please help me!

Helper

October 28, 2015 at 2:04 pm

Hi Shalini,

I’m not sure that you’ll read this reply but you need to stop. Take a step back and stop. You may love this individual a lot but right now you are coming across as a crazy obsessive ex. Do you think if a man loved you, he would end everything over a misunderstanding?

You have crossed the line with the hacking and going crazy but we all do crazy things when in love and when we think the object/person of our dreams is about to vanish forever.

The first time my EX bf and I broke up (he dumped me quite callously) I begged, cried, I didn’t eat sleep I was a zombie so I understand but you need to realise something. If you were him ad he messaged you threatening suicide – wouldn’t you care?

Personally he sounds like a jerk but you should initiate no contact (it helps you become less needy and crazy and will give him time to cool down.)

Take the time to get a new hobby, see friends, meet other people live your life because you need it. This time apart will also rid you of relationship amnesia (I went through a phase of blaming myself and thinking my ex was the love of my life the perfect man, truth was he was a total douchebag who gave me NOTHING but heartache) you will heal and I understand you probably feel more attached because you did sleep with him (I’m South Asian as well so I understand how much that can attach you to that person) plus the marriage talks but you need to love yourself girl!

Do not contact him, do not message do not check whatsapp, do not stalk his social media NOTHING. If it is that hard, turn your phone off. He will contact you when he wants to/has calmed down and you have your own life so can’t be expected to wait around on him so get busy and distract yourself – also talk to other guys (this will help you compare him to them)

Good luck!

Bertha

September 21, 2015 at 2:27 pm

*UPDATE*

So I purchased the EBR.
Over the last 6 weeks. I’ve implemented some of the steps. He was a bit Stale in his responses. I’d stop texting for a few days and he would then start texting me again with small talk. He opened up a bit more and our conversation was a bit better after he assumed I was on a date one night. He even asked me if I was on a date.

One evening he even face timed me out of the blue. We talked for 30min and then I got off the call. He text me the next morning at 8am curious as to why i got off the phone abruptly. We’ve been text everyday for over a week and even planned to hang out sat night but I had a sinus headache. He tells me to rest up and that he’s going to hang out with a friend. i make a joke about him not needing my company anymore his response “well I don’t lol”.

To me that was an uneeded response and was coming off as an asshole so I tell him that it came off that way. He says it wasn’t intended to be. The next morning he apologizes for coming off that way.

I then mention that although we’ve been communicating regularly that there is something diff about him and I’m not used to it. He response “We’re not together, nor am I pursuing you. I’m here as a distant friend, nothing more”. he then goes on to tell me that he still love me the way he did before. At this point I know that we still love each other and neither of use have moved on to anyone else and we’ve been broken up for 3 months. He then tells me that he can’t help his feelings towards me but he doesn’t want to get back together with anyone. That he’s enjoying being with himself with out anyone. That at this point he doesn’t know what he wants.

I haven’t responded to that last text. I understand where he’s at and I’m glad he was honest (even though it hurts/sucks). I just read your section on knowing when to give up. I think I fit one of the biggest 5 listed.

At this point I’m at a crossroads. I’m afraid if i back off in light of what he’s said that we’ll loose our connection we have. I think it’s a great thing he still loves me but I’m not sure it’s enough reason to stick around.

I remember when we were together her once told me that he hadn’t been without female company for more than 2 months before. And then when we broke up he said he was going to take some time to work on himself and investigate his actions so he wouldn’t keep making the same mistakes.

This is very confusing. And I know re connection takes time. But I’d hate to stick around making our connection strong only for when he’s ready he finds someone new. i wouldn’t be able to take that. Is what he’s saying a clear sign i should walk away?

Bertha

September 22, 2015 at 5:34 pm

We had a heart to heart last night. He really wants to take his time before entering into another relationship and he’s taking this time to himself seriously. Can’t be mad at that I actually am surprised because I know in the past he hasn’t been single more than 2 months.

Still not sure if I should give up in light of this new information.

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