When You Should Stop Trying To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

1,125 thoughts on “When Should You Stop Trying To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back?”

Denise from Texas

September 19, 2015 at 2:56 pm

Thanks for this article. It really put things in perspective. I know deep down that I am the type of woman who needs to try in a smarter way to get her ex back in order to see if he is worth getting back. His responses to my text messages after the no contact will help me determine this. A part of me is sad that he may not be a good fit. I am in the process of sizing up the barriers I will need to break through and also assessing what thoughts of me would need to change. I am on day 14 of no contact, but I did everything wrong to get get my ex back before this. I managed to get myself blocked from all forms of communication. When I first met him I had this thought from deep within me “so this is what it’s like being with the right one.” I honestly did not realize what I had until I threw it away by texting obsessively. Maybe I am blind and I didn’t have anything at all because he mentioned that he does not want a relationship but he is still casually dating. I am having a hard time dismissing the thought as I have never thought this way in reference to any other guy. If I really give it my all to go above and beyond to be the ungettable girl then I may get him back but I will never know until I try. We have a lot of the same ideas when it comes to the big stuff (marriage, kids, where we want to live and where we want to be in 5 years) I just think it is going to be super hard to get him to respond in a positive way towards me. I am implementing the 90 day contact rule to push the reset button so that the negative thoughts he has will be further back in his mind and hopefully removed. I am also using this time to move out of my parent’s into my own place. I have colored my hair and am avidly working out and I am even working on my issues to. I need your book and. All the resources it comes with at the 97 dollar price that has been marked down to 67. I am willing to use the information flawlessly to determine if my thought of now being with the right one from day one is still valid. I have a huge barrier to break through, the fact that he said “I am not the one for you and you sure as heck aren’t the one for me.” Deep down I feel he meant them. Your thoughts, advice would really help. 🙂 thanks 🙂
Denise

September 12, 2015 at 4:05 am

Hi Chris. I just read this article and am stuck in the middle of my decision to get my ex back. We have the same goals of getting married and having two children at most. We are even on the same page as to what sports to put them in and how to raise them…however, the breakup consisted of me sending loads and loads of txt messages trying to help “us” out by suggesting that we work together and I just received a response stating “your txt messages are stupid, we were never an item.” In the very beginning of rhis txt he said “I liked how you were in the beginning”. Second he said “I am not the one for you and you sure as heck aren’t the one for me. Last he stated my txt messages were stupid and we are never getting back together. He even proceeded to tell me it was purely physical. I notice a lot of contradictions here and wonder what he is really trying to say here. Can you help decide the contradictions to give me a better understanding of what he means? It sounds to me like his emotions ran high and his logic ran low. Based on this information, is it wise to put in the work to get my ex back. I kind of figure if I do things right and follow your techniques I will be able to tell for certain if he is worth getting back.
Megan

September 3, 2015 at 2:15 am

I was with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years when we started fighting a lot in the last 6 months. He would get mad at me every night usually for no reason or get jealous for no reason and we would end up fighting. It was small fights that we quickly got over, but eventually I had had enough and decided to end it with the help of someone he used to be friends with. His friend convinced me that I deserved better, but I still was in contact with my ex. He all of a sudden say he wanted nothing to do with me and wanted me out of his life. I was heartbroken, and his friend was there to comfort me. I ended up making out with him, as I was feeling lonely and depressed. My ex came over and said he missed me and wanted me back, but when I told him what happened he started swearing at me and yelling. I begged for him back and he forgave me and we were back together that night. We started fighting again and he was always upset so I said we needed a break to just be friends before we started dating again. He left town for a month and half way through he cut off all communication with me for no reason. He told my friend he hated me and wanted me out of his life again. I made the same mistake as last time with the same guy again. I don’t know why I did it, but I was very upset and just wanted him to appreciate me more. I would never cheat on him, I think I just went through a rebellious stage this summer. He barely said anything to me when he got back but I finally convinced him to talk to me. However, I was honest with him about what happened when he was gone and he blew up again. He sent a couple texts about how hurt he is and how he wanted to be the only guy in my life, but he also sends angry texts swearing at me saying he doesnt love me anymore . The other guy is out of my life, and I just want him back. We always talked about the future together, and its hard to believe that he really wants it to be over. Should I do the no contact method? Or do you think there is no chance of ever getting him back?
Clarity

August 30, 2015 at 10:51 pm

Hi Chris,

First of all, reading some of these comments I definitely know what you’re probably going to say to them. NC for 30 days. I’m sure you’re tired of saying that by now! 🙂
I just have a question but first let me tell you my mini breakthrough.

We had been fighting a lot lately over pointless things. I told him that it’s just a rough patch we were going through because our fights were so insignificant. He told me he didn’t love me anymore. I was in disbelief. I asked and asked for just 5 minutes to talk and he said no because it was late and he said we could meet later in the week and exchange stuff. He texted me later in the week and asked if I wanted to meet at his place? I said sure. I took all of his things over to him, and I just want to say “success story” I did exactly what your page recommended.
I was happy and bubbly, making light conversation with his roommate. We exchanged stuff and as I was walking out of the door he said “Wait, didn’t you want to talk?”
I said, “I’m not ready to talk about it right now.”
He proceeded to say, “Okay” in a quiet voice.
It made me feel good for a little while.
As soon as I drove away, he called my phone twice. I did not answer.

It was so extremely difficult to do. I thought maybe if it were important he would text me. He never did. (i wouldn’t have responded anyways… unless it were important).

But my question is:
Ironically, 30 days no contact falls the day right before what would have been our relationship’s anniversary….
Should I not contact him because it would be SUPER obvious and he would see right through anything I say if I contacted him the day before?
Should I wait longer than 30 days or should I contact him sooner than the day before our anniversary?
(Because he did call me twice the day I left after returning his things… for whatever reason) and he did want to talk the night I returned his things…. but I chose not to.

Should I make it a 21 day no contact?
What should I do in your opinion????

Thank you for any advice you can give….

Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 3:52 am

No contact for 30 days…

No jk jk.

First off I am glad you LISTENED TO ME!

More often than not people who follow the advice have good things happen to them.

I say do it sooner.

I feel like the twice a day thing was a good sign.

So, you know what your next step is right?

Prepare your first text to send him.

Completely confused

August 30, 2015 at 1:04 pm

Hi Chris,
I was with my ex for almost a year and a half and everything was going great. At the beginning again the month we attended a wedding in which everyone was asking us when we would be getting married I replied to them that it was up to him. While at the wedding everyone that knew him told me that I was so lucky to have someone as great as him and even all of his sisters told me how much he really loved me. A week later we had dinner and he brought up the fact that he felt as if he hadn’t had a connection with me for the past few months. I was completely shocked because we spent so much time together not once feeling insecure about our relationship. It actually was pretty great, we never really had any huge arguments just the typical arguments any couple would have from time to time. He told me he didn’t want to break up he just wanted me to be aware of how he was feeling. The next couple days we saw each other and I thought everything was ok but he brought the conversation up again and this time asked me what I wanted out of our relationship and I told him that I wanted to know that our relationship was going in the right direction, I thought we were going to move in together soon. When I asked him what he wanted for the relationship moving forward he told me he didn’t know. At that point I walked out of his place and told him that he better figure it out cause I wasn’t waiting around. The next couple of days he tried to get in contact with him but I ignored him for 3 days and then asked for my keys back so he came to drop them off and I said some really harsh things one of which was that I would never speak to him again. And I know he wanted to talk some more about us because he asked if we could but I told him there was nothing left to talk about. I feel as if I hurt him. It’s been 2 weeks of NC and he hasn’t once tried to contact me. I don’t know what to do obviously I am going to continue another 2 weeks of NC but it worries me that he hasn’t tried to contact me at all.
Mel

August 29, 2015 at 7:23 pm

When a guy breaks up with a girl, he usually lets the girl KNOW they are breaking up. But in my case, there was no warning. My bf left me for another girl and skipped town with her. i cant talk to them and i cant see them together. The only advantage she has over me is that she was able to score him an awesome and great-paying summer job. In our relationship, we constantly struggled over having money, but with her, they were able to afford renting limos and going to festivals. (theres pictures on facebook as proof). They had all this fun in less than 2 months. AND they share a common goal: getting a van together so they can travel around in a portable- “home”. Me and my ex once shared this dream but he now shares it with his new girl. Basically, i think hes with her only so he can reach his dream goal and have a new-toy to play with while at it. Its been about a month and a half since they left together. The summer job will end around december 1st. So they will be out of work till next summer.

Question
1) what does this mean?
2) how long do you predict they will be together if its for money?
3) if they get the van together, do you think it will last between them? Because i dont see why he would suddenly give up on being with her if he finally reaches his goal of getting his “home”

Mel

August 29, 2015 at 8:05 pm

we were together for 2 years

Vicky

August 28, 2015 at 2:16 am

Hey Chris, well my bf broke up with me 3 months ago. But here’s the background. We always had fun together and he was with me when i had tough times as i was with him when he needed me as well we dated for 6 months but then my mother began to say he wasn’t serious only because we said we wanted to take things slow and get to know each other b4 we thought of marriage (although we did have conversations about how cute a little baby would look between us when we laid together (only) on the bed). Well things got bad since i visited him after his job since he got out late btw im 21 (my mother decided to got to his place where we were (he lived with his father) and screamed at him saying i had to obey her etc. After that he decided to take responsibility for me since im studying & he works. It was all too fast. But, he always took care of me, we would get angry sometimes but we would stay quiet until the anger subsided and talk it out. He took me to my hosp appts. (I live with a health issue i need meds for) but he didn’t mind, he even gave me shots i needed at home. Although, his causin (male) out of state began to contact him saying he should leave the state for a better job he had for him. So even though i asked him not to go and to save up some money b4 the trip, he said it was fine. Even spoke with my father saying we would be together even if far, eventually he would take me with him &that he would never leave me through a text or phone. He left March. By april we spoke happily, until he asked what my doctor said. I told him the truth my dr. Said i could go but due to colder temps i may experience more pain due to my condition. I’m not sure this had anything to do but he stopped answering my calls and only messeged me. I asked if i could call he just said ask me by text. He does work alot but not even at night did he let me. After a while his father said he’d get me plane tickets to go see him, when i told him he said to not go. I asked why he just said no. Then one night i asked if he wanted to stay in this long distance relationship with me. He said no &i angry told him if that was his plan all along he said to think whatever i wanted. After that 1month passed & nothing i texted him for updates on bills that came & suddenly he asked for a favor. But after the favor again no contact. Now it’s August & i found him on fb & i asked how he was he quiclly responded. Then for a couple days i just asked about his day but once i got depressed and spilled all i felt for him he just said its the past. As u said i did see my future with him in it, but as i ask how personal matters are going he says to worry about myself & he’ll take care of them. I love him I just want him to be happy even if it’s not by me but i still want to make sure i do all i can to get him back. I’ve thought multiple times on giving up. But, i feel i can’t let go until he does as promised he’s far but he said he’d not leave m and if he did it would be person to person not by a text and avoiding calls. I’m thinking of taking a trip & seeing him & see what happens from there if he truly meant to break up i would have to understand but by me being there and not hiding behind a phone. Does it sound ok or am i thinking overboard? (Btw we dated for 6months, lived toghether 5 months and long distance relationship for 2months) Did he get bored of the same old same old. Or did he miss his freedom. I was never rhe jeaulous type since i wanted him happy, i never asked for money nor things. I’ve always been understanding &through his angry moments i was the only one who could calm him down. I truly miss him it’s been 5 almost 6 months he’s been gone.
Argh

August 24, 2015 at 10:58 am

Hi Chris, I messaged last week re receiving no response from my ex during no contact and then the drama of him admitting he slept with somebody the day I vanished/ghosted him. I feel really confused, I thought I didn’t want to be with him but I can’t move on- I have been invited on a few dates but I feel physically sick at the thought of being intimate with another person, then when I think about my ex I feel hurt that he HAS been. Catch 22 I guess? The logical side of me is saying that I technically ended it with him the day before he noticed I’d ghosted him so I shouldn’t be hurt? He’s been trying to contact me through sneaky means – getting girls to Skype message me then sending me messages accusing me of moving on, saying because I have he’s moving on as well? This is over the week and yesterday I snapped. I’ve been so controlled and calm and a friend of mine messaged him pretending to be interested in me (on my request I know stupid girl brain what was I thinking?? I did so well I feel like I’ve played into his game/given him the reaction he wanted.) my ex isn’t that stupid so he kinda saw through it all and told him “Since she’s moving on, tell her that I’m not waiting for her anymore I will be moving on soon as well” he relayed the message (my ex new all along this guy was probably sent via me so he purposely said it that way.) and I finally caved in and called him. He didn’t answer – instead he sent a text saying “What?” I called again Him: ? I called again and he goes: “What do you want?” I explained that I wanted to say bye properly I just wanted to speak to him once to say bye. He then told me he knew I’d sent that guy to him etc and he found that it wasn’t a good way to go about things. I said “People make mistakes it happens.” He eventually texted back saying, excuse my language but I’ll sensor it.. “You want to hear me once more? Yeah? Well I would like to you once more. Deal? We both get what we want then.” I of course said no that wouldn’t happen and I said I needed to sleep. Him: Night. I replied good night then he.. said this which I think was just to hurt me? “Night, night s***.” I replied to that with he can go to hell if he thinks I’ll ever sleep with him again. His weird way of making up was usually sex related it was as if he thought that being intimate was like a fixer so I don’t understand why he’d be so cold? I think he’s just angry but now I made the mistake of just putting myself on the line, I sent him a text this morning and just said what I felt. I told him how I haven’t been with anybody else that I still love him but the fact he’s been with another woman has really hurt me. Have I totally made a mistake? I feel so stupid and now vulnerable but I’ve decided that if he doesn’t reply that’s my closure as well. He usually was crude when annoyed because he’s immature that way. And sorry for the essay I just feel very confused and somewhat silly for playing into his game. A part of me thinks he still wants to be with me because why else not have me blocked? He blocks when he’s finished etc and he still replied.
is he already over me?

August 22, 2015 at 4:28 pm

The last 2 months our 7 month relationship consisted of my ex trying to withdraw and me chasing every time he did…i’d beg , cry & plead if I had to and he always ended up coming back…but more and more reluctantly…obviously. This time a day before his birthday he seemed to have had enough and uttered for the first time we had 0 chance of a future (previous times he said it just wasnt working for RIGHT NOW & that we could still have a future) at one point he said he didnt love me anymore then promptly took it back & said he only said it because at this point he would say anything to make me stop, then i asked is that why he said we have 0 chance of a future & he said no he really meant that, i noticed the severity of his words but I still tried to fight it…then he ignored me for his birthday completely so his actions followed suit…A part of me feels there could be someone else but i have nothing to support that…he also could just be fed up..he complained i never listened.

its been a week since this happened i havent gone nc continued begging & pleading…to no avail & now i finally realize he is serious. we have spoken on the phone 3 times since…first time he called me after i begged by email & through a friend for 2 days cause he had my blocked me, the other two times was me….first time he was very careful with what he said didnt say anything to make me feel bad or feel good about our chances. 2nd call he was nicer…brought up the relationship…seemed as if it had been on his mind…then i went nc for almost 2 days & broke down and called…this time he was much colder then hung up and went out until 4am (something he has never done unless with me)

uncertainty kills me making it hard to do NC…i cant read him and he wont answer any questions about if he loves or misses me he’ll just say “i dont think that will help either of us”

I know NC is the only way but what if there is a chance & he is just saying those things cause he wants time/space
or what if he really means it after all the time he did take me back…every hour i think its the other way around.

he seems like he has really given upon me…I kind of feel like NC cant help me

can you help me?
Ann

August 17, 2015 at 4:54 pm

Hi Chris! I broke up with my boyfriend three weeks ago and have been doing no contact. We’ve been together for 9 months but broke up twice before two months ago. I broke up it off because he didn’t seem to want to put any effort into the relationship anymore. It was for the same reason as the first two times where we fought a lot since I was scared that he was stringing me along and he was tired of it. The only difference between the first two times and now is I’m maintaining no contact and not calling him every week. The first time he came back the same day when I came to get my things and the second time he came back after a month of me contacting him every week. I’m scared that since this is the third time, he won’t come back. I don’t know what to do. Should I give up since we already tried twice?

Chris Seiter

August 17, 2015 at 7:41 pm

That is completely up to you if you want to try again. I am here to help you get back with him or move on if thats what your looking to do but you have to let me know which it is bc there is different advice for both. 🙂

CoCo

August 13, 2015 at 7:21 pm

Hi Chris. I’m struggling today and I feel like giving up altogether on my ex. I am struggling with being patient and whether or not I am wasting my time. I don’t want to believe that I am wasting my time and I still think about him every day. I just need some positive reinforcement and how to tell if I’m wasting my time trying to get back together with him…

Chris Seiter

August 14, 2015 at 4:39 am

I can’t say if your wasting your time or not. That is totally up to you if he is worth your time. Your time is very valuable. Some men are worth the wait others are not so it’s really up to you. I will say if your getting older (as in over 30) you should date other men in the meantime as to not waste your time entirely.

angel

August 13, 2015 at 5:12 am

I have a weird situation but not sure if the same techniques apply to it. I dated my ex for only 2 months and everything just clicked with us. About a month into it his ex started causing problems (witholding his kids, demading more support) and he kinda shut off from me. After things calmed down he started coming back around until a blow up on facebook caused a little shake up. A friend said she found out he was cheating and when i went to talk to him about it he broke it off with me. I told him not to punish me for something like this and i did nothing wrong and he said he wasnt punishing me that he needs to be single and not have a title to anything. Needs to get himself right first. This past 2 weeks he has started back to school, started night shift, and he leaves for a deployment for a few weeks friday morning. Im not sure if im fighting a losing battle here or what to do to get him back. Can you help me out?
Michelle

August 10, 2015 at 9:49 pm

Hi Chris! My on-and-off ex bf and I broke up in June…we were NOT exclusive at that time–he and I decided a year ago to still date each other AND othet people (says he does’t want to be tied down). So I ended it in June because I found out he was making all kinds of time with a new woman in his life but for me, he was always too “busy” with 2 jobs. So I immediately went into NC. He called 22 days into it….I answered the call. He started out by saying “You have ruined me for other women” and “Please tell me I haven’t lost you, I see a future for us.” He called again a week later, and then a third time on July 27. At that time he asked me out on a date. So we went out on Aug. 1. It started out fantastic, we were both having a lot of fun and he even took me shopping for a new dress. We had an elegant supper at a fancy restaurant, and then he really surprised me by booking us a honeymoon suite at an expensive hotel. He said he did that so we could go swimming in the pool and have a jacuzzi in our room. I mean he really pulled out all the stops! I was in Heaven! But….as soon as we got checked inti our room, he went cold and distant on me. In fact, instead of swimming or going to the club as he had earlier suggested, he fell asleep! I couldn’t believe it, he seemed to be having so much fun until then! He slept for hours and when I tried to wake him to go do something, he just rolled over and grunted “maybe later”. We did end up having sex much later that night, but he felt so emotionally disconnected through it, like he was going through the motions. The next morning he was in a terrible mood, complaining that the jacuzzi was too small, the breakfast buffet wasn’t worth $16 per plate, etc. And the other woman he’d been seeing started texting him, and he was texting her back while we sat at breakfast! On the ride home, I did try to lighten things up a bit by joking around and being playful….that worked for a short time but I made the mistake of asking him if he would please add me back as a friend on Facebook. His answer was NO and the rest of the drive home was tense and cold. It literally was like I left my house on Saturday with one person and came home Sunday with someone else. When he dropped me off at home he said he’d call me in a few days. So now it has been a week and one day and I haven’t heard a word from him! Chris, please help me out here: What is going on in this situation?? Do I have even a remote chance of turning this around to have him re-interested in me? Thank you sooo much!

Michelle

August 10, 2015 at 10:23 pm

Oh, I would like to add: During the earlier part of our date, he was being really strange….talking about how I should move in with him and not work and let him support me, and that maybe it was time to stop using birth control and if we get pregnant then so be it. I am 50 and he is 44 so I joked around with it for a minute and then explained to him the health risks of a woman my age having a baby. So on the ride home Sunday, when he was being so cold and distant, I just casually said “So you were just playin’around about the whole moving in/having a baby thing, right? Or No?” And his reply was “yeah I was just joking around with you, no way do I want a kid, I don’t want to be tied down by any woman and I sure as hell don’t want the resposibility of a kid! ” I sure would appreciate your advice, Chris, as I am completely baffled by all this contradictory behavior!!!

Sarah

August 3, 2015 at 7:50 pm

I was with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. He broke up with me kind of unexpectedly. We were fighting a lot for the last four months of our relationship. We had break up sex about a month after breaking up up. I have had a no contact with him for 33 days now! I still see him around time to time because we have the same friends but we don’t say anything to each other. We had a “good” break up, there was no yelling and fighting and we are civil with each other. He says he wants to be ready the next time he goes into a relationship wether it’s with me or someone else. I’m stuck and I don’t know what to do. I really want to get back together but I don’t want to push him away, he also has me blocked on all social media.
Friendly or Goodbye

August 3, 2015 at 6:45 pm

In April I ran into a neighbor on my street as I was walking my dog. After introductions we went on a date and many more and eventually started dating. During that time he was in the middle of a divorce and the marriage ended badly (she cheated). We are both in our twenties as well. Anyways after dating we officially became a couple and things were great. He would send me flowers multiple times in the few months we were together, we each had our own outside life but included each other as well. He was beyond respectful and there was no red flags that I could honestly see. It was also bizarre at how many major life events we shared in common. He even had me meet his ENTIRE FAMILY. The day he was suppose to meet my mom we agreed to reschedule but hang out later that day. After that I got blown off then ignored. Finally I made it clear that behavior wasn’t ok and I wanted to talk to figure things out. During our entire time of dating I was firm on taking things day by day. I have a child who he befriended quickly and he always asked to include her in various outings. However, even though I was more on the slow side of how things progressed he would often make comments about a future together down the road like christmas together and other things. However, after being ditched that day and demanding an explanation for him being rude I was told he wasn’t ready for something so serious, he just got out of a shitty relationship and he should take time to himself to figure things out. He meant everything he ever said to me but he just needed time and maybe someday we could try again but he doesn’t know what will happen. I am bitter and pissed but in my attempt to be the bigger person I offered to return his things from my house, told him I dont want things to be nasty or awkward between us (since we are neighbors and cant avoid eachother) I wished him the best on figuring out his life but I was clear I deserved to be treated with more respect. His only response was I did nothing wrong, he meant everything and goodluck good bye. I told him we could no longer speak but if he wanted his things he was free to call me. and we left it at that. I’m not one to be desperate or beg for a person so I plan to respect his space. BUT there is no denying that we made great friends, had more in common then I ever had with anyone, and I am left with a lot of unanswered questions. So my question is where do I go from here I obviously can’t be the person blowing up his phone I have to leave him alone but is it likely he was sincere while dating and just got cold feet or was I being played the entire time?

Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 10:45 pm

You definitely have to implement the NC rule but there is no reason for why you can’t be friendly afterwards.

Lilly

July 25, 2015 at 2:52 am

Hi Chris! I was wondering if you could write an article on all the different reasons why guys can be hot and cold? He shows you he likes you, then pulls away, repeat. And also explain how to take control over it? Thanks so much!
Ide

June 25, 2015 at 4:36 pm

Hi Chris ,
My ex and I had been going back and forth for the past 9 month , we had lot of issues due to an ex he had . I’ve done no contact twice already and every time I got close to him again he keeps on backing off . It just that this time things didn’t went well , as I got really upset and I said hurtful things probably . He says he likes me , we had sex and then a week later I found out he went out on a date . I confront him and he admitted , he sinically said that he likes both of us . I guess he was trying me to agreed with him on dating others while sleeping with me . We end up in a bad fight , I came home and I stupidly sent him text messages , on those text messages I said that our sex was always boring as he never did anything fun with me while having sex , I also told him that I’ve put up with him even when he couldn’t function as man few times we were together , regardless that I was always there for him ..His 45 years old and I’m on my 30’s . His seems very old fashion while having sex , I tried different things while Us having sex , but it seems that he had always dating older women ( elder then him ) .. We have had a lot going on and I still have feelings for him . He wanted us to be friends , but I can’t really do that and I don’t think that he even wants that after the messages I’ve sent him yesterday regarding his malfunction when getting intimate .. I know , I shouldn’t said that and I’m so regretting what I say , he didn’t reply back after I brought that up to him .. Do you think he would ever want me back after all I said ? Or do you think I should move on ? should I even try one last time with no contact or should I just give up ?

Thank you Chris
amber

June 23, 2015 at 11:23 pm

hi chris,
my ex boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago. i love him so much and really want to be with him but he is in a tough spot right now and wont let anyone help him. he said the problem was he had to yell at me 5 or 6 times in the last two months and thats not good. i still love him and want to be with him. he still has my stuff at his place and hasnt asked me to come get it. is that a sign that he still may want t be with me again? im afraid to do the nc with him because im afraid he may find someone else and forget about me. he said the more i keep pushing him to see me i am only pushing him farther away. i know he is angry at me because i keep texting and calling him but i really need to talk to him but he wont give me the time. i recently sent him a picture of him that i like and he said that he cant handle anymore of my obsession and that it has to stop. he said that he quit. i think he just said that out of anger. how can i fix this without loosing him or him finding someone else. please help.
Possibly Crazy Ex GF

June 17, 2015 at 4:03 pm

My Boyfriend and I dated for 3 1/2 years. He even said he didn’t have a relationship like ours, where he loved someone like me. We were working on issues, I support him through major life changes, and on Valentines day 2015 he broke up with me, and it was out of the blue. At the time he didn’t really have a reason just he didn’t know if he wanted to marry me. A few days latter after both of us talked to the therapist we talked he felt he needed some time. I tried to do, that but I admit I didn’t see this website at the time. A few weeks later we met at his house to talk and I could drop off some of his things. We also had shared dogs (which he doesn’t want to have anything to do with). We of course talked, had break up sex and from there kind of left it. I should have stuck to the no contact, in fact I did well for a few weeks, he even called saying he missed me. In March I reached out to him and he called, but we had a bigger issue to deal with. He thinks after that I blackmailed him into getting into a relationship, and we both did not handle the situation well at all. We both got put into very serious and hurtful positions. At one point I even hit him, but then after I hit him we shared a very intimate moment and had sex again (last time) when we went into the therapist she suggested another 30 days NC because we were just hurting each other. Since then I have acted a little crazy, I showed up at his work once, tried to get him to watch the dogs etc. He says we could never be friends, and after all of this he has told people that I went complete psycho. We had a very strong relationship, and I feel there are people around him who are not telling him the truth, and he is not telling the full story to that influences his opinion. I just wonder if I could ever change his opinion of me, or have I ruined any reconciliation. and how much time would have to pass for that to happen?
Gia

June 15, 2015 at 8:58 pm

Chris, I havent seen my ex in 4 months., we haven’t spoken in like 3 months. I reached out to him two times, one was a call and then followed up on a private message on fb and the second one was three weeks ago . I sent him a song called I miss my friend. He didn’t reply at all to any of them. The reason why we broke up is because he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship as his divorce was just final in August even though they have been separated for two years. He wanted to still see eachother, but witout the commitment. I told him that wouldn’t work for me, I just wanted to go cold turkey. I ended up calling him after one week, because I was too upset as I just lost my mom, so it was all just too much. We ended up talking a lot and agreeing we would see eachother more casually. Then he’s like sometimes its just better to end it, because if we get close again, he will prob do the same thing, because he is a loose cannon. from then on he was flaky and I couldn’t deal so I told him I didn’t think it was a good idea for us to see eachother the following weekend (we had plans for his bday) that I deserved someone who was ready and I never heard from him again. Besides that last email, we never had mean words for eachother or argued. he even said we would never not talk at all. I needed space but didn’t want to never speak to him again! What do you think I should do? I unfriended him and deleted him from Skype and oov voo. We went to elementary school together and have 23 mutual friends on FB. I am also friends with his sister and cousin and he is friends with my sister

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