Does Your Ex Boyfriend Hate And Despise You? Let's Find Out

128 thoughts on “Why Does My Ex Boyfriend Say He Hates and Despises Me?”

Amanda

January 23, 2017 at 5:54 pm

Hi Amor, he left our son’s insurance card outside of his parents where he’s been for the last week for me to pick up today. I was going to try to talk to him face to face but ended up just getting my son’s insurance card and leaving. His parents were home at that time and I felt like it would be very awkward. He’s always tried to go to our kids appts when he’s able. I let him know the time of the appt and told him if he wanted to go he could. I got no response to that. It’s not like him to not ask about the kids or go to appts. I’m
Worried he’s seeing someone else. Idk if that’s just my thoughts getting the best of me. I feel like it may be hopeless. All of his clothes and other things are still at my house and he’s yet to ask for them or come get them which I think is odd.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 24, 2017 at 12:50 pm

I agree that you should do a full no contact now.. It’s very apparent that he doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. That’s ok. I know it hurts but for me, eventually he will talk to you because of the kids. He’s probably doing this because he wants you to move on. Start a new routine with the kids that doesn’t involve him. SO, that if he wants to co-parent, it would be easier to adjust. Rather than depend on him. Improve yourself. Heal and take your time to heal.

Amy

January 22, 2017 at 2:48 pm

What if by being happy and active during the no contact not make him want me, but make him hate me more for not feeling sad over the break up? Bcs thats what im feeling right now. I feel like he’s upset im enjoying myself. It was him who wanted to break up. Is it a good thing to make him mad though

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2017 at 2:35 pm

Hi Amy,

is that good that he wants you to be sad? I think you should check this one:
Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule

molly

January 22, 2017 at 1:28 pm

Hello Chris why i can`t see my comment ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2017 at 1:52 pm

Hi molly, I think it’s because your comment wasnt approved yet when you checked

Rose

January 21, 2017 at 5:50 am

Hi chris,
Great article! Me and my ex been together since high school. We been together for 7 years and split November 2016. In February I left to work in Philadelphia for two months. When I got back home my ex told me he met someone but she was just a friend( which came out to be his coworker) I didn’t freak out until I seen texts in his phone between the two. When I seen the texts I confronted him and I Left him alone and didn’t communicate with him for a few weeks. He came by my job to tell me if we were going to work it out I would have to put behind me what he has done and he will put behind what I have done. I responded with anger and told I can’t becuase everyday while he works he will see her. Things got out of hands after that. I broke the no contact rule several times up until July. We bumped into each other and we talked but it ended with pointing the finger at each other and bringing the past up. He also said I didn’t change. I called him the next day and he responded with a text saying he didn’t ever want to speak with me and has nothing to say to me. I backed off finally and reflected because I made mistakes and since we lived together at the time we made our relationship work. He’s very close to my brothers and he told one of them he didn’t know where he and I went wrong but with his new gf it was different. Another time he went by my brothers house and asked my sister what I been up to. I get mixed feelings when they finally tell me things and sometimes I want to reach out but I learned not to react so quickly like before. There’s days I still can’t believe we are over. Thank you for the articles they really do help!

Rose

January 23, 2017 at 8:26 pm

Hi Amor,
I do want him back but it just seems as if I really can’t do anything but keep myself active in things I can control. I’m discouraged too becuase from what I hear she’s been really helping him a lot. It just seems hopeless at this point she will still be the one he chooses. He’s hasn’t been coming by anymore since November. Thanks for responding back Amor!
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 24, 2017 at 1:30 pm

that’s right.. Be active in posting because normally, he would be curious about you and that’s the only thing he can check to know what you’ve been doing.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 22, 2017 at 3:54 pm

Hi Rose,

I’m going to forward this to Chris..Thank you! what’s your plan? do you still want him back?

Natasha

January 21, 2017 at 2:24 am

Hi Chris, I dated my ex boyfriend for a month. He is 15 years older to me and we haven’t had sex as yet. During one of our text chat conversations I accidentally said something that scared him. After which he reduced his contact with me. So I applied the no contact rule but couldn’t complete it. He came back but the issue was still stuck in his mind. And his behaviour confused me. So I texted him that his behaviour was confusing me and that it’s best we take a call here. He got upset, said that I never meant anything to him, he hates me and that I shouldn’t message him ever again. Now he has blocked me on what’s app. I did message him once but got no response. What do I do now? Please help. Am shattered.

Natasha

January 29, 2017 at 6:33 am

Also I have purchased the Ungettable Girl guide and working on myself. It’s been 10 days since the breakup, though the defriending and being deleted hurts( a lot at times), but am doing good and feeling strong. Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 29, 2017 at 1:21 pm

I think the first nc was too short.. restart and try 45 days this time.
if you can avoid him at work do so, but if not, just be civil and polite
Natasha

January 29, 2017 at 6:25 am

Hi Amor,
He had assured me that he would reduce on his smoking and when he didn’t I said that you are just like the other men. To which he was hurt and we had an argument on what’s app. He refused to answer my calls, so out of desperation I said that I will tell your wife about us ( he is in the middle of a divorce). He got scared as this could ruin the harmony and peace of his divorce procedure. After that he said he was scared of my reactions. I assured that it was just to get his attention and didn’t mean it, but he says it’s my basic nature. Other then this issue we had a smooth and fun relationship. He regards me as a good, interesting and intelligent girlfriend. He began to withdraw after this. So I applied no contact for 20 days and he came back. But the issue was still stuck in his mind. And he was playing hot and cold. So I messaged him asking him to treat me like a common person incase he still had doubts. After that he was angry and cut off all communication with me. He has deleted my phone number and defriended me on Facebook. What can be done? I meet him twice a week for work( can avoid meeting incase of no contact). Please help. Am confused and hurt.
Natasha

January 27, 2017 at 11:39 am

Hi Amor,

How do I prove that? I asked him how can I make up for it and he was silent. I told him that I promise to be careful and people change and mature with time. I don’t know what else to say. Would no contact work? He has deleted my phone number and from Facebook as well. Looking forward to all the help. In such cases do men add you back after a while? He is egoistic and dominant as a person. Looking forward to your help and suggestions. Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2017 at 12:29 pm

well, what was the issue?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 22, 2017 at 3:00 pm

Hi Natasha,

would you able to address that issue through your posts? I mean indirectly? can you prove that what you said isnt true or wouldn’t happen again?

E

January 21, 2017 at 1:56 am

Chris..

I need your help.

So I broke it off with my ex since March 2016. In scale 0-10, our relationship was 8 almost 9. We were so happy and he kept saying how much this time it felt different. Then he brought up marriage subject after 19 months together. If I looked back it didnt feel like proposal but he was quite nervous brought it up. Since he stated earlier in our relationship that he never really believed in love, nor even marriage. But he found me and then he did. He is introverted, and slow to think. While Im fast and furious kinda girl, sometimes its driving me crazy how slow the way he thinks. I was the one who said I love you first but I knew he felt it way earlier than me. We broke down in tears when we did it. I also stated early in relationship that I will have to marry someone in same faith, while he is an atheist. I kept asking to be broken up earlier because we would have no future but he would break down and cry even in public place, and he is quite manly so I knew thats how much he actually loved me even though maybe he didnt express it enough. So we did breakup for real in March. I dumped him, he kept trying to reach out to me but I kept being cold. Then I went back and forth and he wasnt ready to let me go. I kept having No Contact for 21 then we met. Then I went too fast he wasnt ready and I got mad, so I decided to compeletely move on from him. Because I dont see the point if hes not able to convince me that we will be able to make through this, that we will find a way. He kept saying that its best to be separated for now but who knows for later. I got mad, thinking hes stringing me alone so he would have options. So that was in July.

He is seeing another girl, everyone says she is my clone. I saw in his best buddy FB that he looked awful; gained weight, trying to smile but it looked like grin, he looked like in pain all the time, and grew a thick beard. He seemed like he was trying to have fun while I could see right through him that he was in a lot of pain, despite being with that clone girl.

I saw that, couldnt sleep for days. So I worked on myself, got prettier, dyed my hair red, posted photos with a very handsome guy in my cousin wedding and also our pic with grandma. I captioned how much my grandma loved him, and when we got together (the same day me and my ex got together). Then on October I went vacation to the beach, wore new bikini, took pics and putting all love quotes even tho no pic of the new guy. We werent even in relationship but Id just like to make everybody thinks so.

Then he called me after I got home from vacation. Asking our old photos to be deleted or my IG page to be private because his students bullied him (he is a favorite teacher) and kept saying it hasnt been that long anyway, and it could also affect his personal life. I knew he prefer to just block everything out but it was so painful that he wanted me to delete our history. I didnt want to at first, my heart broke again hearing his voice. I felt I was supposed to be acknowledged as his ex at least in his professional circle. Its none of my business anymore what he dealt with but he sounded pretty desperate. Then I deleted it all because of my pride and I said to him to never contact me anymore. He wished me well and he never did.

Then I met a friend whos mutual friend with that clone girl. She said that my ex was so sweet to her, he surprised her by also travel together with her. They went to weddings together (just like me and him did, its our thing) but they just started dating. She stalked my IG so she knew who I was. She was wondering the same thing I was wondering early in relationship: that we need to be in the same faith in order to get married. So its same path for him. Why he did get into this again?

We didnt contact each other, till Dec when its his bday. I texted him saying happy bday, he replied happily 3 days later wishing my family well. I didnt reply back because I saw he posted pic of travelling and that clone girl commented saying they would travel together this year. It broke my heart.

Then this Jan was my bday. I was hoping he would text me but he didnt.

My questions:
What am I supposed to do? After almost a year I dont know whether I should keep moving on or trying it again?
Am I crazy that we will actually resolve our issue if only I was patient enough to wait for him to think it through? Even though he said he is content being who he is and I need what I want. I love him for who he is, its just that I will never marry someone outside my faith.
Or should I just keep moving on and see where the future may bring?
Or should I keep in touch with him, just in case?
I kept having this dreams that hes getting married to that clone girl and he looked miserable, then I dreamed him with his baby and his wife looking happy even Though I saw only his backside. What does it mean?

I asked him to not contact me and he never did. I actually wanted him to, maybe a drunk text or something but nothing at all. Is he scared that he might get rejected again or is he really serious with that girl?

But the most important thing is.. What am I supposed to do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 22, 2017 at 11:44 am

Hi E,

if you’re never going to marry somebody outside of faith, then you should move on..

Amanda

January 21, 2017 at 12:49 am

Hi Chris, my recent ex and I have been together for 4 years we have 2 Children together one who is just 2 weeks old. I also have an older son from my previous relationship. He had been picking up more slack since I have been home with our newborn. Taking andpicking up my older son from school, house chores etc. well I got a phone call from school my son’s been late to school everyday. Mind you I teach at that school. I brought it up to him suggested maybe I take my son or he leave earlier in the morning. I ended up taking him to school I get home and mg ex is short with me. I pick up my son later and I get a flood of texts telling me he’s no longer going to help out unless it involves his kids and is tired of me asking him for help since I had our baby. He proceeded to call me some ugly names. I get home and out of frustration I threw my keys accidentally hitting him. He was going to use my car as soon as I got home. I apologized and he immediately started packing things and left. He text me saying he’s never going to be with me again and is happier without me. He won’t respond to any calls or texts. I’m left with my kids not knowing if he’s ever going to come back and what to really do now. All I want to do is sit in bed and cry but I have a newborn, 2 yr old, and 6 year old to care for. I’m lost

Amanda

January 22, 2017 at 8:02 pm

I am a bit worried that my situation will not get better. My ex has not asked about our kids especially our newborn which in previous fights if he ever left to cool down usually to his parents bc they live close he would at least check in on the kids. He has not in almost 5 days. I had to ask if he would print out our son’s insurance card and even to that he has ignored. Idk if no contact is actually what he wants I haven’t initiated any contact about us the kids I have to but he’s gone m.i.a on that. I had to text his mom about printing the insurance card for our son she told me she told my ex and asked if he responded to me. Which to that I had to say no. Should I just take this as a sign to move on? He isn’t showing much interest in the 2 kids we have
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2017 at 9:57 am

it’s ok to initiate contact about the kids during nc period.. bit if he’s not responding, it would be better to just let him be.. and yes, it’s better that you start a new routine with the kids
Amanda

January 21, 2017 at 11:52 pm

I know I probably screwed up but I did text him asking if we could please talk to which he hasn’t responded. Idk what I’m doing
Amanda

January 21, 2017 at 10:25 pm

I feel like we won’t be able to work things out. For the time being im trying to get on a routine with my kids as best I can in case this is it. Idk how much time I should give him before trying to talk to him bc of the kids. Idk if he will take things as me not wanting to even try anymore.
Amanda

January 21, 2017 at 10:22 pm

Hi Amor,
As of right now we aren’t speaking. However yesterday he came by to pick up some clothes. He said hi to the kids and left. I didn’t speak to him. I bought ex bf recovery pro. I know we are to have limited contact bc of the children. I did have to text him about our youngest bc he had a Drs appt he didn’t respond to that. Not sure if I should even try talking to him.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 21, 2017 at 1:35 pm

Hi Amanda,

do you want to try the no contact rule?

molly

January 20, 2017 at 1:56 am

my ex told me that he realy hates me and also he is scared of me ,, that please never ever contact him again . 1 year later and still he is mad as hell and more scared than before so…what da hell is wrong with him lol

molly

February 15, 2017 at 12:04 am

well i still can talk to him ,, i`m scared but he keeps checking my linkedin.. is that a good sign?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2017 at 5:48 pm

Yup, it is!
molly

January 29, 2017 at 6:01 pm

yeah but i can`t just talk to him after a year saying hello this the bb ,, i dont know is just weird lol ,, that will make me look like i`m using the baby to get him.. cause l suddenly after a year i will be like hi this is the baby.. i dont know i feel is kinda weird talk to him like that lol
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 30, 2017 at 1:33 pm

maybe because its been a long time.. it would be weirder to contact him about a different topic, when you both know the elephant in the room is his child. Make it in a way like, agter a long time, you have forgiven, and then a recent event or something reminded you of him and that you’re just opening the doors for him, if he ever wants to be see the child. If not, you understand.
molly

January 26, 2017 at 12:31 pm

tx amor but well honesty ,, never sent any text never said anything about the baby at all in 1 year so he know im not chasing him , and never did it anyway cause i`m scared and he is scared too –like we are scared to each other lol i`m not chasing him but i read the article about baby`s daddy and it says dont talk about the baby first ,so i can`t update him about the baby and i dont want to use my baby to talk to him ,. so i really would like chris answered me the question cause i`m so confused,lol i want to know what shoud i do , and why he was so intense before and still is
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2017 at 1:24 pm

yeah..but it’s been a year.. I think that advise more likely applies to the ones who just did a few days or months of nc..
molly

January 24, 2017 at 7:01 am

well bb is fine , everything it`s okay just i need to know what to do and why
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2017 at 10:38 am

That’s good.. you mean he didn’t ask even one time about the baby? I’m not sure if he will really be angry once you contact him but if he does, I think that’s because he’s associated your efforts to chasing him.. He wants you to move on.. to the point that he has to put aside being a father. So, just that you will really let him go and not use the baby to get him back.. You said, you’ve gotten back to being ungettable..that’s good.. I think the best approach is to just update him about the baby and that he’s welcome to visit if he wants to.. if he doesn’t reply or gets angry, let him be and dont answer.. he will probably get curious and check on your account..maybe later on once he realizes that you’re not chasing, have moved on and just letting him know he’s welcome in his child’s life, he’ll come around..
molly

January 21, 2017 at 2:15 am

well i had comment about my situation before but i was waiting for a post like this all this time lol cause i really can`t understand him, i swear can`t
i was the ungettable girl i`m a model and he is very handsome too,
but he was very intese from beginning he said i made him crazy and he acted like one, getting mad for everything, crying cause according to him i hurted him in small things he used to said that he cared about me so he acted like that.
so,later he dumped me cause i was lying to much, so i bought your book and i got him back, then later he dumped me again ..
same thing i was lying a lot cause he was getting mad for everything so i used to lie to avoid confrontations,, but he was soo mean ,
i mean he used to tell me that he was happy to get out of my life, that he regret the day he meet me, that i was the worst decisions of all, that he hates me and never had so much problems with any girl, that being with me is hell and that i was nothing for him , that he never had any intentions to get serious with me and he just wanted to have fun
but then . why he was getting mad for everything if he just wanted that? ,
my heart was broken and my self esteem went down
i asked him why do you treat me like that? and he said CAUSE I HAVE TO DO , OR YOU WILL CONTROL ME is the only way you understand!

anyway i got pregnant the same day he dumped me , the 2 time i swear i dont know how or why but i got pregnant that day so ,
i told him one month later and he went crazy saying i did on porpuse and all that wich is not true, i know looks like that but i did not
and i try to tell him that he was wrong but was like talking to a wall is not possible to make him believe anything —
then he told me if i kept the baby he will never talk to me again,,,but he was crying saying, that will break his heart leaving a baby without a father
then he told me he was dating with others but on porpuse like to put me away from him and i couldnt take that anymore..
So I told him I was going to keep the baby and that was my final answer, I knew he would block me and all that ..
He told me so many insults that day. I dont know, but that was not the man I meet 2 years ago ,,,
the man I know was an incredible sweet guy, a little intense, but okay after all, so I still can not believe he’s the same person

i didn`t tried to contact him anymore and now 1 year later i got back in the best shape of my life
i became the ungettable girl again i changed my attitude i dont lie anymore i put good pics on my instagram fb
everywhere just in case he checks that but i don`t know it looks he is still same place ,
he deleted all social medias so i can`t contact him, he is paranoid and i`m pretty sure if i contact him he will be very mean to me
so i dont know what to do cause only thinking in the idea of getting those insults again i get nervous in a extreme way.
only typping his name on google get my heart pumping so fast ,
he told me in the past that he feels very nervous and scared when he talks to me and i feel the same thing but why he is still so angry? why so distant?
i know that cause he deleted his social medias for me so why so defensive? he is the most defensive person i know
do you think he still check my instagram or fb ? cause we have 0 communication … and why he acts like that? why? Thank you chris .. sorry for the long ass comment lol
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 22, 2017 at 2:36 pm

I’ll forward this to Chris ok? what happened with thr baby?
Chris Seiter

January 20, 2017 at 4:53 pm

Can you maybe give me some context on what went down in your relationship?

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128 thoughts on “Why Does My Ex Boyfriend Say He Hates and Despises Me?”