If you are reading this article it is safe to assume that you have recently, or not so recently, broken up with a love interest. You’ve taken the time to mourn the loss of the relationship and are ready to get back out on the market. You get dolled up and snap a quick selfie to post online before you head out the door for your first date since HE left you.
Halfway through the date, you sneak a peek at your phone and are surprised to find that your ex has sent a text in response to the photo you posted!
“Looks like you’re having a good time. Enjoy your life.”
You stare at the screen in confusion until you remember that you’re out on a date living life. You make it through the date and actually have a nice time. Once you get home you take off your shoes and sit on the edge of your bed.
Why would he say that?
It’s obvious that he’s jealous but… why?
I thought he didn’t want to be with me?
Your thoughts become consumed with questions.
There are a couple of different reasons that an Ex might express jealousy when you start dating. The important thing to remember is that you need to do what is best for you.
Dating other people is your right as a single person and you should never stop doing what makes you happy just to satisfy someone else.
Regardless of how your Ex reacts to your dating life, YOU need to come first.
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Now, Why is He Jealous?
I must have it back!
I recently helped a friend with a yard sale to raise money for charity. My friend asked for me to donate things that she could sell. I gave her this cute leather jacket that I had. The sleeves were a little too short for my arms and I didn’t think that I would miss it much.
I put the jacket in a bag and it sat in my car for a week. I didn’t think about it at all. Then during the yard sale, my friend put the jacket out on a coat hanger. I saw it and again thought nothing of it then either.
But then there was this girl who picked up the jacket and had the audacity to try it on. For some reason, this irked me.
That was MY jacket. Who was this girl trying to take it away from me? Suddenly I wanted that jacket back. I knew it didn’t fit me anymore but seeing that girl trying it on made me realize that I needed it! So, I bought it back from my friend before anybody else could snatch it up.
Side Note: This was months ago and I’ve worn the jacket once since then but I refuse to get rid of it.
Men function in a similar manner. When they see other men poking around you they start to get that “but wait it’s mine” feeling. Suddenly, they recognize that you are worth more than they gave you credit for. Once they even think about another guy doting upon you, they start to recognize that they should have been doing the same thing all along.
That’s when the jealous behavior begins. If this is the reason that your ex is expressing jealousy then he may make an attempt to get back together with you.
However, jealousy doesn’t mean that he is going to try to get you back. He may be experiencing another condition.
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Take the quizMy friend has a dog. I also have dogs. My friend’s dog has a ton of toys that she never plays with.
However, my dog went over to visit and found one of the old toys. As soon as she started playing with the toy, my friend’s dog ran over and grabbed it from him. She carried it into another room and left it there.She had no interest in playing with it but did not want anyone else to play with it either.
She had no interest in playing with it but did not want anyone else to play with it either.
If this story made no sense to you then just think of the episode of Scrubs where Eliot tells JD that he always wants what he can’t have. JD realizes that it’s true. But once he gets the thing that he can not have he realizes that he doesn’t want it anymore.
Men can have similar reactions. They won’t want you back but won’t want you to be with anyone else either. These men will continuously contact you when they notice that you are starting to move on but will then pull back and disappear once they feel that they have you back as their own. This can lead to a toxic relationship pattern that gives him all of the power and leaves you feeling empty and used. If you suspect that you may be in this situation do everything that you can to remove yourself, conduct additional no contact if you need to.
He’s No Superman
Another reason that your Ex may be acting jealous is that you have bruised his ego. Seeing you out with another man is going to make him stop and think. He will wonder why you are finding it so easy to move on from him. Was he really that easy to replace? Your Ex may be lashing out in a jealous manner because his pride is damaged. This is not a reflection of his feelings towards you, it is more a representation of how he feels about himself.
He will wonder why you are finding it so easy to move on from him. Was he really that easy to replace? Your Ex may be lashing out in a jealous manner because his pride is damaged. This is not a reflection of his feelings towards you, it is more a representation of how he feels about himself.
Was he really that easy to replace?
He may be lashing out in a jealous manner because his pride is damaged. This is not a reflection of his feelings towards you, it is more like a representation of how he feels about himself.
It’s best to ignore his jealousy.
However, if you are in the texting phase during this time it is alright to give small compliments to fluff his ego.You don’t want him to believe that he is the most important man to you but at the same
You don’t want him to believe that he is the most important man to you but at the same time, you don’t need to belittle or degrade him either.
If he asks for specific details regarding your new love life, explain to him that you are not comfortable discussing it with him. This will allow his mind to come to its own conclusions without you giving him direct information.
He Left Because He Had To
Relationships end for various reasons. If your relationship ended because they felt that they needed to focus on their career or if it was a long distance relationship that was causing them stress it may be that they ended the relationship but still have the same amount of love for you that they did before.
If he does still care, it will hurt them to see you moving on, because he has not moved on yet himself. This situation has a strong possibility of reconciliation.
Especially, if you utilize no contact properly and continue to work on yourself as much as possible until he recognizes exactly what he is missing out on. Continuing to date is a good way to make him think about everything that he is given up.
Hurting Heart
Likewise, if you found yourself to be too busy too often and he ended the relationship due to feeling underappreciated, it will hurt them to see you moving on and giving the attention to another man when you did not make time to give the attention to him while the relationship was intact.
Be gentle in this situation.
Continuing to date and showing your Ex how well you treat another man may only make him hurt more and lead him to be angrier.
It’s kinder not to flaunt it.
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Your Ex may also just be confused regarding his feelings towards you.
This situation can be particularly complicated as your Ex may flip between being hot and cold towards you and may give you conflicting signals. This will often work itself out over time.
You must continue to use No Contact and the texting methods and remain patient.
Either he will realize that he wants to be with you or he will realize that he doesn’t.
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Try Not to Be Cruel
Your Ex may give off the impression that he is jealous because you really are rubbing your new relationship in his face.
Even if the two of you ended on good terms and agreed to be friendly, it’s not easy for anyone to listen to watch someone they care about care for someone else.
So, talking constantly about a new guy in your life is not only going to push an Ex away. Theis applies if you are trying to get them back or if may simply end up ruining a friendship if that’s all you were trying to preserve.
It’s not wrong to be happy and want to share it with others. However, you also need to be mindful of his feelings if you want him to be a part of your life still.
It’s His Nature
If your ex has an obsessive or possessive personality they may become jealous simply because that is their nature. In this situation, your ex will likely get bored of things quickly and you will notice the jealousy begin to fade fairly quickly.
Actually Trying to Be a Friend
Another, less likely, reason for your ex’s jealousy is that he is concerned purely from a friendly perspective. If he thinks they are bad for you or knows that they are not treating you correctly, he may step in to try and “save” you from yourself.
However, I’d be wary if your ex claims this as their reason for jealousy. It’s not a common reasoning and he could just be using it as an excuse.
Dealing with Jealousy
You’ll be tempted to respond to his jealousy, but just like women, men need time to process their feelings.
There may be no other explanation for your ex’s jealousy other than that the wounds of the break up still being raw. This doesn’t mean that he wants to get back together and it may not even mean that he regrets his decision to end the relationship. It may just mean that he still has residual feelings which will decline over time but aren’t resolved yet.
In order to deal with their jealousy, your ex may turn things into a competition.
If you notice that he becomes jealous, lashes out, and then turns around and has a girlfriend of his own do not fret. Continue to work on yourself and continue to take steps towards your happiness on your own. Let him play whatever games he wants to play without playing into them.
Eventually, he will get tired of the games. And once his anger and jealousy subside he will approach you again from a better place.
Regardless of why your ex is jealous, it is important to note that jealousy is simply a reaction that shows that he still cares.
If your ex was truly and entirely over you, he would not care who you were seeing or what you were doing. Even if your ex says that he hates you it is still a sign that he cares. Indifference would be the true indicator that your ex is over you. See that it is a positive thing but remain cautious. You also do not want to do things specifically with the thought of making him jealous.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizIndifference would be the true indicator that your ex is over you. And THAT only comes with time. See that it is a positive thing but remain cautious. You also do not want to do things specifically with the thought of making him jealous.
Consider it a positive thing but remain cautious.
You also do not want to do things specifically with the thought of making your ex jealous. This can come across as transparent and your ex will surely catch on to what you are trying to do.
The best thing to do is to continue dating other people in order to make yourself happy. The reason for your Ex’s jealousy will become apparent on its own if you are able to control yourself and remain patient.
Shell
April 10, 2020 at 12:48 am
Have been doing no contact again with my ex for some reason he went distant on me out nowhere so been reading that no contact maybe a good option to do & 10 days later he reached out to me.
My ex has been stalking everything I do on Instagram and
He said sorry he hadn’t been in touch he said he has been getting his head together he sent a text to me saying his basically not seeing anyone else and wanted me to know that but his extremely jealous and doesn’t know if he can handle it and he apologize. I replied back and said I’m sorry you feel this way and thank you for being honest with me and saddly this is something I don’t know what to say but want you to know that I haven’t been meeting other men or anything like that. I hope this puts you at some ease. When he that text to me I thought that’s as us done basically so I removed him off my Instagram ( didn’t block just just removed him ) then few hours later he was fuming at me and said I was trying to sort things out why did you remove me. I said I’m sorry clearly got your text message wrong I didn’t realize you wanted to sort things out. I thought that was your way of being honest and we was done. He then said I was pathetic and childish and didn’t know what else to say to me. I said I can’t help you with this jealousy feeling I’m in a awkward situation now I feel I can’t help you this is something you need to work on what can I do or say why don’t we just FaceTime or call eachother rather then texting all of this. And he didn’t respond to my question he just went silent and disappeared.
Not really sure what to do from here? I honestly thought I was doing the right thing and saying right thing?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 11, 2020 at 11:04 pm
Hi Shell this is why we mention not to take any action regards to social media as it is going to either appear emotional to your ex, or make your ex react in an emotional way. Your ex will see you are back in NC and most likely reach out to you when they are less upset that you removed him.
Sarah
January 9, 2020 at 12:55 pm
I dated a guy for 3 months that i was falling in love with. We went on a beautiful vacation, come back and he has me help him pick out paint colors, invites my parents over for dinner and out of the blue dumps me saying “He’s not ready for a relationship” which i felt untrue. Im almost into 30 days of NC and have focused on becoming the UG. Ive also been monitoring his activity on social media. I just started using subtle jealousy tactics, hes seeing me having fun skiing and wondering who im with. I can tell hes mad or jealous and stays off social media for a day then stalks my page again. Should i be more careful about jealousy tactics? Im really just with friends and want him back but afraid he’ll give up too easily and turn mran if he thinks i moved on so fast. He still has my belongings and it’s like hes holding them hostage or making me a backup plan. The first 2 weeks of the breakup he became friends with 5 new women and none of them are acknowledging his post. I dont want to be 2nd best either. When he broke up with me i was actually really sad and had anxiety over a family issue, id been wanting to talk to him about it but never got the chance it also makes me wonder if he’ll only want me around when im happy and not when i have a bad day. We connected so well though and i thought he was going to tell me he loves me.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 14, 2020 at 8:35 pm
Hi Sarah, so the fact that you have been together for only three months shows that you are still at a very “new” point in a relationship so for him to now say that he does not want this is sounding like he has got cold feet as you started to get serious. As you are coming to the end of your NC and living your life, I would post subtle hints that you MAY have been on a date but he can not guarantee anything. And living your life with your friends showing how happy and content you are with your life and do things that you know would interest him and make him feel like he has missed out on time with you.
Clarisa
October 28, 2017 at 8:21 pm
Could you please elaborate on the section…” Watch For Trouble Signs- No one is perfect and this is especially true of relationships. Each one has it’s ups and downs. Your job is to keep an eye out for his troubles with his new girl and be there to provide support and remind him how good he had it with you.”
I’m in NC right now, but my ex and I have a mutual friend and we were both at the friend’s house at the same time. We did talk and flirt some at the party, after drinking alcohol, but I didn’t restart NC because it’s over 21 days (but still under 30. I initially did a 45 day NC because he ghosted me and I went crazy gnatting him and showing up at his house and all that embarrassing stuff. After the 45 day NC things went great. They actually went too well, too fast and I ended up in the FWB situation twice with my ex. So I had to tell him I wasn’t sleeping with him anymore and went back into NC. He got a new girlfriend less than a week after me telling him I wanted a commitment instead of FWB). At the party he started really complaining about his new girlfriend, and talking about an argument, to our friend and me. I left the room, but I’m wondering…is there was a smarter action I can take next time??
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 31, 2017 at 7:11 pm
Hi Clarisa,
Be indifferent and give advice..
Sierra
September 22, 2017 at 9:17 am
Thank you I guess the biggest I have is why or what’s the point of you blocking and unblocking me it’s like he’s having this internal battle in his head my ex has never been the type to fully make a decision so maybe that’s what’s playing into this situation but I know with his exes he’s stopped wanting them back at some point and idk if they experienced the same thing I’m experiencing with him. It’s just like what’s the point of unblocking me and not responding then calling on messenger after almost two weeks and when I reach out you still don’t respond like he’s playing games and I can’t deal with it anymore why do you think he’s doing all of this stuff? Is this something like he still has feelings for me cuz I’m being seriously mind fucked right now
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 27, 2017 at 4:27 pm
he’s human.. it can mean he still has feelings but it can also mean he just misses having somebody to assure his ego
Sierra
September 7, 2017 at 9:35 am
So I have a scenario that’s currently going on my ex and I haven’t spoken in a while last time we did it was a huge fight he was being an ass wanted his cake and eat it too. Anyways he blocks and then unblocks around the end of May or the beginning of June during this time I blocked and unblocked him too on Facebook I tried reaching out to him and he didn’t respond so I went into NC 12 days in he called me on messenger and I missed the call and thought about and broke NC reached out to him the next day he still didn’t respond so I went back into NC and the 14th day was his birthday and I didn’t reach out but 3 days later on the 17th day of NC my ex blocked me again why would he do that?
Sierra
September 13, 2017 at 2:53 am
3 times I successfully did it the 3rd time
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 15, 2017 at 3:51 pm
Ok, dont block him.. And dont spy his account..be active in your own life.. Set a limit in when you would initiate again..if you’re still blocked at that time, decide if you’re going to move on or wait further
Sierra
September 10, 2017 at 2:16 pm
I really need your advice on this I know my ex blocked me to get the control back and I even went and spied on him on Facebook he was posting some things that I felt were clearly about me. He even posted something I guess trying to say goodbye and said he met a wonderful person at a unfortunate time. How do I get someone like that to unblock me and eventually reach out? In this case would me blocking him work?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 12, 2017 at 9:31 pm
how many times have you done nc?
Sierra
September 7, 2017 at 11:45 pm
Yes,
Thank you Amor that’s exactly what I thought I didn’t even react to being blocked I made 30 days of nc but should I just do indefinite nc bc I refuse to reach out to him again if he’s not going to respond
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 7, 2017 at 9:34 pm
he probably expected you to greet him and he’s checking if you will still react if he blocks you.