Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
Traits Avoidants Find Attractive
What Happens When A Narcissist Collapses?
How Do Avoidants Sabotage A Relationship?
Dismissive Avoidants And The No Contact Rule
The Power Of Silence After Rejection
Why Are Dismissive Avoidants Cruel?
The #1 Reason A Man Suddenly Commits
How Long Does Avoidant Deactivation Last?
How To Let Go Of An Avoidant Partner
How Do Avoidants Create Distance?
Post categories
T.
September 20, 2015 at 5:23 am
Hi, Chris!
I just want let you know what a great job you are doing for us ladies! You have an amazing website! It’s so awesome to get a male perspective on dating!
My BF broke up with me a month ago via text! He is 42 and I am 47. Things were great and we were in love. His life started to go south soon after we became exclusive. He was laid off from a high paying professional career as we were falling in love. He was blindsided by the economy and he is still unemployed. He started stressing and even though our relationship was solid and good-he broke up with me after he decided to go back for an advanced degree to become more employable. I understand how a mans ego is tied up into his livelihood, but why I don’t understand why he has to go at this alone? He ignored me for 3 weeks before he finally admitted that his unemployed benefits had been exhausted. He has been living on his savings and that has to last 2 years while in school. He’s says it’s not fair to ask me to wait that long for marriage-and it’s a mans job to provide, and he doesn’t want to lean on me during this time. Chris, I love this man. He loves me-but he feels like such a loser. He refuses to let me pay for anything on dates-always has. I will respect his wishes and move on, but we really had something that I think is worth waiting for! I need a male opinion, Chris! Thanks!
Nelly
September 9, 2015 at 2:34 pm
Hey Chris, I really could use some help. My ex broke up with me a little over 3 months ago. He told be that he did not want to be together with me since he was not in love with me anymore, but he told me that he still loved me. 5 months before we broke up I moved in at his moms place, due problems with my parents (atm I am 19 years old). For the first 2 months of living together everything was allright. But during the 3rd month of living together, things were starting to get bad. He started demotivating me. I had a lot of work to do for school, whenever I was happy and proud that I finished something, he used to say something like: you should’t be proud of yourself, everybody has to do this. He started to make more mean comments. Since I lived together with him I felt like I lost myself, all the things that I used to like about myself were gone, because I was afraid of losing him. He used to hang out with friends a lot in the evening. In the 3rd months there literally wasn’t even one evening that he stayed home with me. So I basically only saw him in the morning when saying goodbye because I had to go to school and at dinner. After 3 months of living together I decided to move back to my mom, because I saw how living together was ruining the relationship. As soon as I moved back to my mom I started getting depressed. I felt lonely and I was scared to lose my boyfriend. Two months after moving back to my mom he broke up with me. He told me that he wanted to try being friends and then see what happens. My depression got worse, I was thinking about committing suicide all day, every day. After the breakup we didn’t have any contact at all. Two weeks after the break up we met at the dinner of his sister’s birthday. I was very nervous, we didn’t really talk much. Since then I tried the no contact method, after a few weeks I texted him asking about a movie that we watched together, hoping that he was going to miss me. After that I saw him at a few parties. We didn’t talk to each other at all. At one festival we met, he gave me a hug and asked me how I was doing. We also texted and called once about some data that he still had on his computer that I wanted to get back. We met on my birthday twice by incident. Because he was with some friends we both share. He made some nice comments and we were just joking around for a little. Obviously my feelings for him still weren’t gone, my mind knew that I should forget about him but my heart can’t. About two weeks ago when I asked about the data on his computer he said that he would email it to be and that he doesn’t want to see me. At this time my depression has gotten much better but this was really a trigger to fall back into it again. I had planned seeing him to get my data a long time ago, I saw how this could be an opportunity to be friends and maybe get to getter again. Last night I decided to open up about how I still would want to hang out with him after I asked him if he was angry at me. He told me that he is not angry but he just doesn’t want to see me because he doesn’t like the feeling he gets when I am around, the irritations why he broke up with me come back even when I don’t talk to him (this all happened by texting). After a lot of rage somehow we started having some fun and just trolling around. He told me that the reason why he actually doesn’t want to hang out with me is because he still feels sexually attractive to me. Later that night he said: I would only want to hang out with you just to have sex. I told him that don’t want that. This morning he told me that he started drinking during the conversation and that it is not going to happen (either just hanging out or having sex, idk). I told him that I would’t make it happen and that it was a disgusting and dickish thing say from him (that he wants to use me for sex). He hurt my feelings pretty bad. Reading this I know he is being a jerk. But my feelings are really messing with me. I really just want to be back with him and be happy like before I moved in with him. I hope you can help me with this, because I really don’t know what to do anymore =(
Marie
September 2, 2015 at 3:53 pm
I just found out that my ex, who dumped me while crying furiously and saying that he doesn’t want to lose me and so on, went out with our friends two days after the breakup (we were together for almost three years) and made out with a new girl in front of them all night. And later that night went back to her place. He told our friends that they didn’t have sex and she even made him sleep in a separate room, and that he hasn’t talked to her ever since, but I doubt that. I get the rebound thing, heck, I know that they were flirting while we we’re dating and that actually caused a lot of problems for us, so I get that maybe he really liked her more than me, but making out with a new girl in front of our close mutual friends and sleeping with her freaking two days after he dumped me and acted so miserable about it? Well, I guess I was just a gust of wind for that guy. Really loved him with all my heart, though..stupid me.
justine
August 28, 2015 at 3:38 am
i been doing no contact since the 18th because he was being a litteral jerk my head says get over him but my heart still pounds for him what do i do we dated for three and a half years we had a pre engagement ring i was his first girlfriend then he says he doen’st love me but wants to try and he doesn’t i got tired and we decided to split up but its been over a month since the break up i tried to be friends with him but he kept saying mean uneccesary things about the girl that i think screwed it up for us
Genevieve
August 19, 2015 at 1:18 am
Me and my ex boyfriend had a good relationship. He was my best friend at heart. We broke up because he had cheated on me and turned around and blamed everything on me. He said it was my fault he cheated and it was my fault for all the really hurtful stuff he would say to me. Today however i tried to make peace because well i am not a hateful person and i want to be friendly with everyone even people who don’t like me. it did not go well the fight went drastic at some point i told him, “I bet you wished i was dead..” to which he replied “So” therefore implying that he DID wish i was dead. I understand i have some flaws that could have hurt the relationship but honestly EVERYONE has flaws no one is perfect it is all about over coming the flaws that person has and loving them anyways right?
Genie
August 17, 2015 at 11:52 pm
Hi Chris
Please I need your advice and guidance.
I have just recently (1 week ago) broken up with my boyfriend whom I been in a 9 year long term committed relationship.
I been living with him for 3 years, this weekend organised removalist to move out, been living with my mum.
Simply I compromised my life to live for him, one way relationship – his way only and then I realised I wanted to start my own happiness, breaking up wasn’t easy as broke my heart and his, I loved him but there was no future with a man who acts and thinks like a 1 year old child. (Being brief, I won’t go into detail as I could honestly write a book).
His love was unconditional before breakup and since recently he’s been hard as a brick, no emotions like he never really loved me and making me feel awful, where was the love? I don’t understand how a man can go from loving one so deeply to switch to nothing. It’s hurting me a lot, making me feel am ‘nothing’. I feel he’s making me suffer like you say and I don’t want that feeling, I would like him to suffer instead as he did a ‘wrong’ on me.
I have been in no contact “rule” for 2 days, it’s a start.
The only reason I may need to contact him is because I am needing to find a new owner for our cat as he no longer wants her, should I get her out asap temporary at my friends house or should I wait till I find someone?
I know deep down I deserve better. I don’t plan to get back to him as he clearly showing me he’s not going to do the chase.
I don’t plan to be friends with him as I won’t be able to move on and nor do I want to get hurt anymore, should I delete him off Facebook along with his family? Delete his phone number?
Could you please guide me through this, much appreciated..
Chris Seiter
September 2, 2015 at 3:31 am
No you will need facebook if you are trying to get back with him in the future.
Sarah
August 17, 2015 at 9:49 pm
So my ex and I broke up 3 months ago due to him losing his connection to the relationship and we had a lack of communication. We lived to get her and I moved out into my own place, we had to communicate the first month due to animals and moving my stuff out.
On my birthday I saw him while driving and he did everything he could to avoid driving even in the same direction as me. He also deleted (not block) my from social media but has not to this day deleted any of my family or friends. Even occasionally will like or comment on their stuff.
Fast forward 3 weeks and he and I are again driving and I see him in front of me, I’m the car directly behind him and he knows it’s me. This time instead of taking his normal route home he went about 15mins out of his way to drive in front of me just to make a big circle and then 2 days later and the day before my family was leaving for a family vacation he was originally supposed to be on, he called my mom. My mom tried to hide it from me but I found out and still do not know what the call was about.
I return from my vacation and his neighbor calls me about legal questions (I’m a legal assistant and he is a deputy) the questions she needed answers to where questions only he could answer which I told her. She then went on to ask how I was and if I was dating anyone and so on. Two days later I see him after informing him about his neighbor needing legal help, when I saw him he did a double take to look at me and smiled.
I left again for another trip and upon coming home I had to contact him about my dogs medication that he had, he responded so I then asked how he was and got no response. The day after getting no response I saw him standing by a building while I was driving and he saw me and I believe waved but I couldn’t wave back because I was unsure. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw him discreetly looking around the corner at me. I then had to go to hos office with documents and he waived me through security and smiled.
At the end of the day I was driving now home and he again was in front of me in the left lane and I was in the right to turn right. He sees my car and immediately turned on his blinker and got behind me and this time followed me for about 10mins, wouldn’t pass me or get out from behind me. He did all this in one day acting bizarre and yet wouldn’t respond to how are you?
What do these actions mean?
Sarah
August 19, 2015 at 10:40 pm
I just don’t get why he is doing this to me. I finally sent him a text yesterday sayin I would like to talk if he could call me or maybe we could meet in person. He never responded but smiled at me today
Sarah
August 19, 2015 at 7:47 pm
I guess I just don’t get why one day he is acting weird and doing the things I’ve explained then the next he doesn’t want me at all or anything to do with me.
I also feel like if I set that bar and he broke up with me I don’t understand how it can benefit me.
Sarah
August 19, 2015 at 4:20 pm
What do you mean I set the bar high?
Chris Seiter
August 19, 2015 at 7:02 pm
Meaning if he dates anyone else they wont compare to you anyway. Which is a good thing.
Sarah
August 18, 2015 at 6:36 pm
I never got a response from him yesterday about if he wanted me to get him his cups back or not.
He’s got my attention and I don’t know what he wants with it. If he wanted me to beg why wouldn’t he talk to me back then?
Chris Seiter
September 7, 2015 at 3:22 am
Could be playing games with you. Not sure, lets see how it plays out.
Sarah
August 17, 2015 at 11:16 pm
I was also his longest relationship and most serious, he is 27 and I am 23
Chris Seiter
August 19, 2015 at 2:41 pm
Ok Well you set the bar high, it sounds like.
Sarah
August 17, 2015 at 11:12 pm
It was also exactly 1 month to the date that his neighbor called me and I reached it to him about it, until then I hadn’t tried contacting him, only saw him at work
Sarah
August 17, 2015 at 11:04 pm
We quit full communication on my birthday (June 29) then on the 15th he pulled the first driving stunt and called my mom on the 17th.
The last weird stunt so to speak was last Wednesday.
I did send him a message Friday about something of his that I had and he never responded and today I made one last attempt to get it back to him with another message, this time on facebook so I’ll know if he reads it.
Chris Seiter
August 17, 2015 at 10:04 pm
How long did you do no contact? His actions are strange. Trying to get your attention maybe or he may want you to beg for him back.
Jen
August 14, 2015 at 2:22 am
Chris, I really need your support and advice right now.
My ex boyfriend broke up with me a little over a week ago after being in a 5 year relationship which also included a 3 year engagement..I knew things were rocky but I was pretty blind sided when he told me his mind was made and we needed to breakup because he needed to do it for himself.. which was a pretty lame reason.
I recently found out he started talking to his ex girlfriend again, who he was dating when he was in high school before we met.
I’ve been doing the no contact rule for a week now, today is exactly day 7, and I just found out he added his ex on Facebook, and liked her profile picture.
he told me they were just friends when I asked him about it before the no contact started.. but I don’t see why he would like her photos and add all her friends as well if they were just friends.
His ex girlfriend goes back to school in New York (while he will still be in los Angeles, along with myself) so I don’t really think I should be too concerned but it still really bothers me that after that intense of a relationship we had, he would be able to go to her so carelessly.
Should I give up Chris? Should I move on? Or do yo have any other suggestions as to how to make him miss me and not want her..
I feel so vulnerable.
Jen
August 14, 2015 at 1:58 pm
She is in LA right now for summer, along with him and myself since we all live in the same town. So I know they’ve been hanging out, I just don’t know if she considers herself the rebound. She leaves to go back to school in New York at the end of the month and probably won’t be back until December. He will also be leaving at the end of this month to go to school in Orange county, which is a little less than an hour away from where I live. He told me he still wants to come down on weekends to grab lunch and hangout but It’s frustrating how confused it sounds like he is.
If after the 30 days he does contact me to grab lunch..Should I not respond and wait a day or 2 so that I can be the first one to start the conversation? Allowing me to be in control of the situation?
Chris Seiter
August 25, 2015 at 4:10 pm
It depends, If he hasn’t tried to contact you at all during the 30 days nc, then yes wait a day to respond and tell him that you will meet him for lunch. If he tried contacting you during nc, then you can respond right away.
Chris Seiter
August 14, 2015 at 3:46 am
It could be a couple of reasons he did that. He could be trying to make you jealous or he could still like her. Regardless, the best thing for you to do is no contact for 30 days. When does she go back to LA? I think your in a decent spot. Work on yourself and don’t worry about her. Try to think of some things you can do to improve on your self while you are in no contact.
Jazmine
July 1, 2015 at 5:44 pm
Hi Chris,
Well I just want to say that I hope you can help me with my situation here.
My bf left me about 3 weeks ago today.we were together for 4 months.may not have seemed a lot but it did for us.so recently he decides to just call me and tell me he was done.
He said he didn’t want it couldn’t do it anymore
Wasn’t working out
He was Depressed stressed no job lost is about a month ago no money no babysitter money no parents they left to Mexico only for 2 weeks now tomorrow is a month he has responsibilities for the house and the ranch and horses but they just came back this Monday
I was behind him telling him to get a job
I was the one supporting him
Buying food for him and the kids
We argued over the smallest stuff ever
It got to us.
But then he just told me to leave him alone.
Miss Einstein
June 17, 2015 at 3:58 am
My ex boyfriend and i broke up because he was not supportive. I am working on my first production, a play i wrote and directing. I invited him to rehearsals but it was always a reason why he could come. I just wanted and needed the support of the man i love. He said he loved and missed me daily. And i was the love of his life but he never took time out for me other than texting conversations. I needed him. I didn’t feel loved or a priority. His family was always more important. No quality time. I know i want to be loved differently and deserves better than that. But why do i miss him knowing how much he hurt me? Why he said all those sweet things but no action to back it up? I know when i love someone i will show it. Will be in my heart to do soo
Lulu
June 16, 2015 at 5:17 pm
Hey Chris,
Quick Question.
My ex keeps deleting me and adding me on snapchat… he also will be hot and cold, talk about us snuggling/spending the night and then go MIA for a while or just give me short replies. I don’t think he is seeing anyone else but I want him to MEET ME IN PERSON. What should I do? We already had a NC period and were talking again and it has been fighting then not fighting since… like he adds and deletes me a lot like when he’s mad -_-. Yesterday he deleted me I kept asking him the same question. Basically I saw that these girls were being rude about me on instagram (I had accidentally liked one of his coworkers things like 2 months ago) anyway he found out and was upset but idk if he knew how mean they were to me after that mistake. Anyway I looked at one of those girls’s IG 2 days ago and she had a pic of her daughter w his son and said they were BROTHER AND SISTER. I knew my ex had one son and that is fine w me…but we would have been best friends during the time this other child was conceived… and I can’t imagine him hiding that from me. Anyway I asked him and he kept reading my question then not responding and I kept going on about the same thing (yeah sure that prob pissed him off)
but idk whose child this is… why would the girl say her child’s brother is his son…
anyway after like the 5th time of me asking him he deleted me. I then sent 7 emails which for me is improvement. And today I’m doing NC. I just want to know whose child this is. I know you can’t answer that for me but can you answer the question of WHY is he so hot and cold? adding me and deleting me? Talking about cuddling then saying he’s still frustrated?
What is going through his head? What is my best move here?
Lulu
June 19, 2015 at 12:35 am
Hey Chris any advice would be helpful! Dunno what to do
need help
June 4, 2015 at 12:58 pm
HI Chris.
PLEASE help me.
So my ex and I were talking 2 days ago… even talking bout cuddling. Then I got upset about something like years ago we had a joke about some coworker being a fox and he started insisting that she was a fox.. and I started to get upset. Then yesterday I sent him 7 snapchat videos bc they are each 10 seconds. He said I don’t need to send him all that stuff. I said sorry. he said he wasn’t gonna listen to them. I said that’s rude. then it started to escalate… I said that I had calmly recorded them so he knew my point of view. he soon after told me to take a breather. Then it began to escalate. He said I was psycho. Then said something about me liking stuff on other people’s instagrams (did that once to his coworker I thought liked him… 7 weeks ago when we were dating… and I unliked it bc I realized it was immature… but she and her friend had continued to like harass me on the internet well posting things that I knew were about me… I ignored it. ) they posted like middle finger pics calling me a stalker, etc.
So my ex yesterday referenced that. And started calling me crazy. Said I’m f**ken nuts. Kept saying stop. Said stop sending messages if I’m not crazy. He wouldn’t talk to me over the snapchat live chat… he kept xing it out. He got upset when I tried again saying I was crazy bc I wasn’t listening. He said I needed help and wasn’t right and could not be in a successful relationship until I was no longer crazy. I was bawling so upset and hysterical. He never has treated me like that before, ever. And this was a day after we were fine and talking about cuddling. Why would he treat me like this??? I said those girls wanted drama and he said me and I tried to start things and that he wasn’t gonna defend me. He said the coworker girl told him like a month ago… claimed she didn’t tell him recently (recently I accidentally liked a pic on her friends IG and unliked it within seconds then both girls continued to post nasty things about me when I unblocked them…I was trying to be the bigger person)
CHRIS PLEASE PLEASE HELP. I sent him a goodbye email and then sent another proving that they were mistreating me… but that’s all I sent and plan on sending. Idk what to do. He kept saying bye yesterday and then he eventually blocked me. He said I was so frustrating and upsetting. Why did he act like this??? PLEASE HELP CHRIS! IS he just a jerk and I should drop him and never look back??
Sara
June 2, 2015 at 3:55 pm
Hi Chris, I have been married twice. Its strange because both of my ex husbands knew each other when they were teenagers. Anyways, my first love/first ex husband continues to pop up in my life throughout the years. He will call, text and stop by when he feels like it and when he finds the time to since he is a work alcoholic. Sometimes he will ask for sexual contact but I don’t text him, call him or drop by his place I figured if he wants to speak to me he knows my number and were I live. This has been going on for six years off and on. I try to ask him questions but he avoids answering them by bringing up a different subject. I still have strong feelings for him and still love him. I have waited over 10 years for him to come back to me. Sounds silly but so true. I believe that we are soul mates and we both make each other better people. He makes me feel happy inside and makes me feel young again. That and so much more. I truly believe we are meant to be. (You probably think I sound crazy….) I want to tell him exactly how I feel but I’m afraid of what I will hear in return. Plus, when he is around me he will say things like those should have been are kids or will talk about are past. My gut tells me that he still cares for me and probably still loves me or he would not be around after 20 something years and a long history behind that. The way he looks at me when I’m not looking at him kinda gives off that I truly miss you want you look. When he hugs me there is something so powerful there at least I can feel it and anyone around says that they can tell that we both enjoy each others company and like/care for each other. I guess my question to you is why would he want to be in my life after so many years and what are ways I can find out that he has the same feelings I have towards him? You could say that I am a person that needs to know so I can either move on with my life or be truly excited this guy feels the same way I feel. Not to forget to mention he says that he is a bad guy not a nice guy. I think that is a cover up but I might be wrong. He also is not open about his daily life but will talk about going home, work, and extra curricular activities and sometimes his family. He is married but separated for how long I’m going to guess anywhere from 5 years to 8 months. Help!
Chris Seiter
June 3, 2015 at 4:59 pm
I am super busy today so I scanned your comment really quickly.
You want your first ex husband back who is seperated correct?
creamdeviolet
May 28, 2015 at 2:04 pm
So my ex said we could be friends when he broke it off with me, its been 1.5 month, I tried to talk and he keeps ignore, so two days ago I finally asked him why, he told me my presence has became indifferent to him, he doesn’t have intention to get closer or meet up. Then, he told me he has a new girlfriend(which i will never know because we are not Facebook friends), so he doesn’t have that space to do anything with me, he can only take care the ones he cares this moment. Is he trying to make me jealous? why would he does that? he broke up with me because I was insecure and needy but I haven’t begged him after the first 3 weeks post breakup, our relationship was really short to be honest, is he just a jerk or he still has feeling to me? I am going on no contact anyways! thanks chris
Sabrina
May 21, 2015 at 1:16 am
So now my friend told me my ex is a jerk.
Don’t get me wrong; I was a jerk to him too.
Basically, the story is: We broke up almost a month ago, I’ve been trying any sorts of means to get him back. Point is, I’ve lied to him too, but he just found out about it like two weeks or so after we broke up. I sort of knew what that means, but still, I love him, and with the asshole he is now, I still want him back.
I’ve apologized, begged, cried, literally anything negative just to make him come back (He did send me a message saying ‘No need to kill yourself’ one time when I told my friends I can’t do this anymore and wanted to kill myself). So like, now, I’m on a deep end.
But even through my friends’ saying ‘just move on’, I don’t want to hear that. I’m as stubborn as he is.
And now I’m wondering if he is always the jerk he is because his friends said he is always like that.
WHY OH WHY OH WHY DO I STILL LOVE THE JERK HE IS
AND WHY OH WHY OH WHY DO I STILL WANT HIM BACK
Chris. SOS here. I need your guidance to grab his heart again.
Sabrina
May 22, 2015 at 11:14 am
So one thing to do is to try to move on and think of a plan?
Chris Seiter
June 1, 2015 at 10:00 pm
Yes!
Chris Seiter
May 21, 2015 at 3:50 pm
I can answer the why do you still love him when he is a jerk.
After a breakup occurs a certain part of your brain triggers. It is the same part of the brain that triggers in cocaine addicts. So, essentially you are going through withdrawl and it makes you want your ex back even more.
Ex girlfriend
May 21, 2015 at 12:53 am
His ex girlfriend still loves him after 14 years. You are likely 18 years younger then hi, correct? You live in London? He has money? You are better off to find someone your own age because youwill take care of old sick guy very soon..
Rebekah
May 13, 2015 at 8:57 pm
Hi, Chris.
I have literally been re-read loads of your posts these past couple of weeks!
Long story short, my boyfriend of 3 years broke up woth me 3 weeks ago. We broke up twice during our relationship, but managed to work things out. This time has been different as he is extremely distant with me and acts like I don’t exist.
During the week before we broke up (he left me on a Saturday) everything was perfect and getting back on track. A lot of people were saying nasty things about him to me and I took it all to heart and I told one of my friends that I was scared people would see him as abusive, because he isn’t, he just struggles with a lot of things as he has an understanding disability. I didn’t think anything of it, but on the Saturday, I received a phone call from him asking me about it. I said that I did say it, but I never said anything bad about him. He was really angry and we didn’t speak again until the evening as he was working.
When we did speak again, he told me that what I had said had made him fall out of love with me and that he couldn’t be with me. Even though the day before, he told me that he wanted to work hard so that we could get our own place and think about having children (as I had told him that I wanted his babies after we had sex).
A few days passed and eventually he texted me again. We had small talk, but it made me happy. We then spoke om the phone the next day and after a while said ‘as much as I don’t want to, I have to go as I need to tidy my room’. The day after that, we spoke again briefly, and then at the end of the call, he told me he would catch me some over time. The following day (Saturday, one week after our break up) I never heard from him.
I went out with my friends that evening and we saw himnat his work (a night club). I didn’t speak to him as I was drunk (for the first time), but my best friend told him that we should meet up and sort things out. He told her that he didn’t want to talk about it and left it at that, but then asked my friend later on in the evening asking if I was ok (because I was drunk).
On the Monday, he texted me for the last time saying ‘I just need some space, only time will tell and I will contact you when I’m ready’, but has told my friends that he told me to basically fuck off and that he didn’t love me or care about me anymore and never wants to be with me again.
Since that day, I have never contacted him (I am basically doing no contact), but he has made a new account on Facebook, had a hair cut and has even walked past me a few times and completely blanked me out like I don’t exist.
I really don’t feel as though I deserve this, but then sometimes I wonder if he’s doing it all on purpose to either hurt me or ‘teach me a lesson’. He is also extremely stubborn, so it could be that he does love me, but doesn’t want to admit he was wrong.
It’s very hard as we had a great relationship. Everyone is telling me to move on, and I know I should, but at the same time I still believe there’s hope, but I also don’t want to be disappointed. I really don’t know what I can do.
Any help, advice or a chat would be really appreciated 🙂
Chris Seiter
May 14, 2015 at 3:49 pm
Re-reading them eh.
FYI he probably is doing it to teach you a lesson (its a subconcious thought though I bet)
kate
May 6, 2015 at 10:34 pm
was trying to find a post simular to what I’m wondering about or closer to my situation. My ex isnt inherently a jerk or at least I feel he doesn’t intend to come off as one but here is the situation. I’ve been talking with my ex again here and there since he wasn’t being really responsive but would respond nonetheless. We met up twice so far throughout april. The first time was messy (he was an emotional disaster and we ended up having sex only for him to later say it was a mistake and how he is talking to other girls. ) the second time was about a week after I needed to cool down. But it probably wasn’t the best time to see him since I was still hurt by the first situation and also over some thing else. I was emotional and things were awkward for him (because of the first hangout I guess???) I wasn’t flirting with him or anything. Just being friendly but there was a lot of silence. We talked a bit about relationship stuff(he brought it up) and I apologized for things I have said/done. Just as a general apology. Because it felt like things needed to be said.
Conversations after that were pretty fine as far as I know, and we were planning to hangout again after the other situation blew over and I had a clearer head.
The day came to hangout and he told me he couldn’t because his stomach was upset (we were going to get breakfast) which was fine and not too weird considering this would happen when we were together As well (though I wasn’t as understanding. ..lol..) he says we can reschedule so we do. It was for this past tuesday…and the day comes and he just doesn’t….say anything???? So we end up not hanging out obviously…
but I’m putting this under the jerk post because while he is not obligated to hangout or respond…. like… it’s comon decency to say what’s going on or that he doesn’t want to…you know?
I didn’t get mad, and I left it with an open to response message. So I’m not going to say anything else unless he responds. Or maybe after a good while. I’m not sure what’s going on…. he seemed to want to hangout before, and it’s not like things were weird after we hung out last time. So I’m not sure what to do.
amanda
April 27, 2015 at 10:45 am
I am going through a breakup at the moment he left 3 weeks ago. As much as I want him back he is adamant he definitely does not want me back. I’ve tried NC but he calls constantly and texts until I answer. We have seen each couple of times since we split. He went bananas at me other day because he thought I was now seeing someone else which I am not he totally went mad telling me I had messed his head up. Whenever we so see each other he acts horrible yesterday for example he thought it would b funny to start pulling my hair and telling me he hated me he’s 33 btw and not normally like that but he is at moment always nippin at me. Even when I havent asked him to come back anymore he tells me I don’t care and I’m not bothered. I have been reading this site since he left me but I’m losing hope now of him ever coming back. I do want him back because I know how amazing he can be. I miss him so much
Rachel
April 24, 2015 at 7:34 pm
My ex is avoiding talking to me and is refusing to contact with me, and he was the one to break it off between us. He said “he can’t do a relationship right now and he lost romantic feelings for me”… I assume this is the NC rule on me? I don’t understand how I can combat this though… 🙁
Rachel
April 25, 2015 at 2:08 pm
The only issue with that, Chris, is my ex gets jealous very easily…
Chris Seiter
April 27, 2015 at 10:09 pm
Good, maybe if you use it very subtly it will shock him into realizing how much he still cares for you.
Chris Seiter
April 24, 2015 at 11:48 pm
Haha it seems like he is using NC on you.
No fear, maybe a little jealousy can work well for you.