Why Your Ex Boyfriend Acts Like A Jerk

346 thoughts on “Why Your Ex Boyfriend Acts Like A Jerk”

Alice

June 14, 2014 at 6:11 pm

What if the guy you were seeing says a week ago on Sunday.. I miss you, you’re the best, I cant wait to see you. To a few days ago (Thursday), saying He has a lot on his mind. its been tough. But doesnt want anything serious and then starts ignoring you. But still looks at your snap chat stories and stuff. So just last night, I deleted him off facebook. What the hell is going on in his mind?

admin

June 15, 2014 at 6:14 pm

Did something happen to him withint that timeframe?
Alice

June 17, 2014 at 3:41 am

Hi Chris

So tonight he finally told me that he’s very busy and because I live an hour away from him.. its hard and that he cant give me what I want and that he’s sorry. I asked what changed and he said that he got busier and that he would only be able to see my once a month and didnt think that was fair to me. So I asked him if he still had feelings for me and he replied: Why does that matter. i cant give you what you want. Im sorry. I am very upset about this. Do you think he would ever miss me? Or want me back? What do you think?
Alice

June 16, 2014 at 3:16 am

not that I know of. But Saturday i texted him to test the waters and he was texting me back and fourth all positive messages. If he is a player. Do I do NC?

Sophie

June 12, 2014 at 9:24 pm

My boyfriend told me the only reason he wanted to break up is to experience being single as he never has before. As he is 21 now and been in a relationship since 16, I obviously understood his reasoning. Though I’m now thinking there may have been another reason, one he couldn’t say to hurt my feelings, such as he saw no future for us or liked another girl (he did text one girl behind my back at various points in the relationship..) Out of interest do you think this would be the case? He said he loves me and can’t believe what he’s done, thinks I’m amazing blah blah.. do you think his reason is genuine/enough to want to break up? We broke up 9 days ago over the phone, we met up 8 days ago when he said all this to me and we ended on good terms, I’m now on day 7 of NC. He hasn’t contacted me either which makes me think his reason wasn’t genuine as he sort of said he would text me when he landed safely from a city break away yet he didn’t.. he had an opportunity to text me with dignity still in tact but didn’t.
Basically I don’t understand what is running through his head at all and just want some idea!

admin

June 15, 2014 at 3:44 pm

Been with you since he was 16?
Sophie

June 17, 2014 at 5:48 pm

Well he was just 17, I was 16. He’s now 21, I’m 20.

Anonymous

May 29, 2014 at 3:44 am

I have left a few comments on your website before. Asked about what it meant if my ex contacts me while he was in a relationship, tried to add me on snap chat, etc. Well I have an update, and I am afraid it is not a good one. My ex tried contacting me a few more times after he tried adding me on snap chat. I deleted his snap chat request and a few days later he tried contacting me on skype. I did not reply to that and the next day he tried getting a hold of me by messaging my best friend on facebook. I told her to not say anything. After all these attempts he contacted me again on skype saying “I don’t get why you still hate me. Are you going to do this forever or can we talk?” I gave him a chance at redemption. It had been over two months and he had made several attempts to contact me and I had kept ignoring them. So i finally replied with “What is there to talk about?” He tried to get me to unblock him from anything so we could talk and kept trying to get me to talk to him. I told him I did not see any reason to unblock him. He started turning everything around on me and blaming me for the downfall of our relationship. I could see that no changes had been made. So i told him that obviously nothing has changed and I still did not wish to talk to him. Then he got emotionally abusive. He started to talk about how happy he was with his new girlfriend and how she was so much better than me. I ignored these comments.He then tried to give me relationship advice. I told him that I didn’t need to hear relationship advice from someone who kept trying to contact their ex while in a relationship. Then he randomly started calling me every name in the book. (Ugly, fat, slut, telling me I have no ass) These comments hurt so bad because I never would have expected somebody who once loved me to ever say things like that. I did not see any reason for him to say anything like that to me. I know he is just doing it to hurt me. I had been doing so well until I replied to him and he said those comments and now I feel very insecure. I know these things aren’t true, but I am still hurt by them. We had such a good relationship and so many good memories and I did want to stay friends, but I do not know if I can forgive him this time. I have blocked him off of skype and I blocked his number. I have been sort of blaming myself because I replied to him. I have talked to my friends about this and even some guys and I have heard so many different things (he wants to see you hurt, he does not want you to be happy because he is not happy etc.) What do you think about this? Why do you think he went from wanting to be friends to so emotionally abusive? You are the expert and I feel that you will know the true answer behind this. And after all of this, I still miss him and his friendship. I want to be friends with him so badly but I do not know if i can put the effort into caring when all he does is continue to hurt me. At the same time, I am very understanding and realize that everyone makes mistakes. I do have a really big heart and I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. I am so conflicted and am looking for some sort of answer. What do you think?

Anonymous

June 4, 2014 at 5:25 am

Hi I understand that you’re busy.. but can you give me something? I keep missing him after all of this. I know he did not mean the things he has said and he did it out of anger. Part of me wants to forgive him and try to be friends with him. But part of me is still so angry at him for continuing to hurt me. I am so confused and am desperate for any advice on what I should do or why he did this. I know he still cares because he keeps contacting me even though he has a girlfriend.

Nish

April 22, 2014 at 3:41 pm

Hi Chris!
So my bf and I broke up a few weeks ago and I gave him a quick one week break (didnt know of the NC rule) and when I did message him, he was extremely thrilled to hear from me (we were in a long distance relationship and I was to move to his city a week ago) he wanted to make plans to meet up and practice dancing and what not and then started to get extremely flirty and talking about how he misses us and he hasn’t been intimate with anyone since me, I felt really uncomfortable going along with it since we hadn’t discussed anything (he said he was seeing someone when we broke up but now I have my doubts) but I knew it would destroy his ego if I turned him down so I went along with it very cautiously but he balked later saying he’s hot for me but cannot commit and that he’s late for work and nothing after that!
I don’t know where we stand or anything, we wished each other for easter but he hasn’t replied to any messages since
Would the NC rule work here? These mixed signals are crazy!!!
WTF

April 19, 2014 at 10:21 pm

Okay… this guy is crazy or something. He kissed me then flipped out after our pg 12 session (which i said chill it’s our first date – it’s getting late I got to go home) the next day saying let’s be friends and see where it goes from there… ??? ….

I was like uhhh you’re crazy. No. He begged and pleaded to let’s take it slow and see where it goes. He went on and on about having a beautiful attractive smart woman in his life and he doesn’t want to rush things… okay, fine.

Well a month into this, we text everyday/all day and hang out and laugh… then this week…he starts picking fights. He starts acting like a jerk. He starts giving me the cold shoulder.

*NEW GIRL ALERT* I’m a woman… I have this radar…

okay so I like this guy by now, I look forward to hearing from him…. so now all we are doing is arguing. So fnally two days ago I said you know what… screw this… somethings wrong and he keeps blaming it on his ex wife and divorce stuff yada yada ….

I finally said… just leave me alone… don’t talk to me anymore. He was crossing the line of becoming disrespectful and I was NOT going to tolerate it.

He messaged me that night… the next day… the next day after that… I IGNORED HIM.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE TOLD ME WHEN I FINALLY SAID… ‘MY GOD, WHAT???’ … “how do you change your facebook status to in a relationship?”

What??? Why??? Then I was like why would you harass me to tell me you have a new girlfriend? His reply, “I know you are angry with me but I know you would help me no matter what. Because you help people. That’s who you are.”

I’m at a loss for words. I have never. Then he was like well… I have my daughter so I will message you tomorrow. …. ??!?!?!?!?….

So I was like nooooo. Don’t. Please Don’t. Just leave me alone. If I ever want to talk to you I will message you. Please give me that respect.

I blocked him from every social media site possible. WHY would someone do that? He literally messaged me to throw in my face he has a new girlfriend. What was that? Who does that?

Plus for me: She’s fugly. She looks 12 and very immature. WTF. annnd the girl doesn’t even live in this state. UGH Online dating has been the bane of all my relationships. I get replaced by someone really old or young and someone really not that cute.

Confuses me.
Anyways, males thoughts on this?

admin

April 20, 2014 at 3:51 am

Whao… calm down there girl. You sound like your ready to go to war hahaha.

He is doing it because he wants to get revenge on how hurt he felt after the breakup (men are stupid huh?)

Rose

April 7, 2014 at 8:45 pm

My ex boyfriend (of 4 months after a 1 year relationship) went to dinner two weeks ago and he kissed me and told me he loved me as a friend. Now this week he’s telling me he kissed 3 girls on the weekend (which I highly doubt and I can tell he is lying about it) and that he doesn’t love me in any way and to leave him alone. He is often bipolar like this and even agreed himself he can be up and down sometimes. His mother said that lately he has been very unhappy at home since his old friend came back for a few month visit. Why is he being such a jerk to me recently? We just started hanging out like normal friends and he brings up a lot of old jokes and memories, and out of the blue he suddenly hates me. What is going on? Is he just confused about what he wants and feels? How or when do you think he will overcome this?

admin

April 8, 2014 at 5:33 pm

Sounds like a player if he is kissing all those other girls….
Rose

April 8, 2014 at 11:48 pm

He lied about it to make me jealous; he didn’t kiss those other girls. He got drunk and his friend that just came back from Uruguay after 10 months, got him to hang out with some random girls, but they didn’t kiss.

Sophie

April 7, 2014 at 4:22 pm

Hey Chris,

So I’m currently doing NC, I’m on my seventh day.

Just wondering, my ex has a tendency to listen to sad songs when he’s in a bad mood and of course he’s been listening to a lot of breakup songs, etc.
he recently has been listening to this particular song on replay that kinda summarizes (in his mind) our breakup and it makes me really anxious…
Should I take his music seriously? it hurts to seems him listen to this harsh music. (btw i can see what he listens to via spotify)
dianne

March 21, 2014 at 9:06 am

.what if after several snce we broke up i got pregnant?? what advice can u give??? we broke up 6mos 0r 7mos ago.. im 2mos pregnant now.. and he doesnt to aknowledge the baby… his denying to his family that his not the father, but we both know the truth that he is… we broke up because of another girl.. their stll in relationship till now… his denying it maybe he doenst want the girl to know about this… we had relationship for 2yrs and half…

admin

March 21, 2014 at 5:12 pm

…. he sounds like a coward. He will have to face the music eventually.
DIANNE

March 28, 2014 at 5:51 am

.what do u mean by that???

.his family talks to me and their willing to support the baby and they believe me that my child is thier grandchild.. but my ex told me that what im doing is too desperate.. that im so pathetic… he said that i should not bother him and his family in order for him to aknowledge the baby and he will sign the babys birth certificate.. (for paternity reason)

.what should i do now??? should i not bother them anymore?? if the parent ask me if they want to see the baby should i let them???

Christie

March 19, 2014 at 2:22 pm

What if he blocks you on Facebook, and you haven’t contacted him but just posted statuses?

admin

March 20, 2014 at 5:56 pm

I am writing something on this for my next guide.
Christie

March 27, 2014 at 11:33 pm

I just read it! Thanks!! That was really helpful.

I shouldn’t have posted this kind of wistful status that made me seem like I was still thinking of him. I think that’s what prompted him to block me.

I am thinking of going into no contact and letting him contact me first. Even if he never does it. I feel like that is the only way he will respect me again. In the meantime I’m just self-improving and becoming someone to miss 😉
admin

March 28, 2014 at 4:35 pm

Glad you got something out of it!

Kaitlyn

March 18, 2014 at 5:40 pm

Hi Chris. My ex broke up with me 2.5 months ago. I am 20 and he is 21. We started dating when we were 14. We are in college and even were living together. He broke it off saying he wanted time to hang with friends and have space from me. Come to find out, he was talking to another girl. That lasted only a few short weeks. He told me it was because he knew he didn’t feel the same for her as he does with me. But, he still doesn’t want a relationship and doesn’t want any commitments right now. I did NC for 30 days and he never contacted me during it. After the 30 days, I contacted him again through text, it went well. We were reminiscing and having a light-hearted funny conversation. However, his responses were very brief and he didn’t ask any questions about how I was doing or what I have been up to. I’m wondering, does this mean he is no longer interested? I’m going to wait about a week or so to contact him again, but I feel defeated. I know he still loves me, I almost feel like he is trying to distance himself because he doesn’t want a relationship or to commit to me. Any help or suggestions would be great. Thanks
Martha rojaaas

March 16, 2014 at 7:39 am

Hey Chris! If you scroll down you might remember my whole break up drama lol it’s been 2 months of being single and to be honest I got
Tired of being treated like nothing by my now ex bf so I’ve noticed that your advice does work when you apply the NC they eventually talk to you after at least 20 days !! The thing for me is that my ex told me
Last time (about 3 weeks ago) that we don’t stand a chance anymore so here I was next day after that just focusing on continuing my life I didn’t message him so we didn’t talk for at least 2 weeks and then he messaged me again just to send me a photo of this character I like and since I hadn’t text him (cuz I only text if he does first) he told me “Hope you have a good day. Sorry for lag. Haven’t really text anyone these days” …I said “no problem ” he saw my message but didn’t reply … My question is if he doesn’t want to be my bf again why does he keep telling me he only wants me to be happy ,then goes away then messages again like days later? And when we text he keeps it all akward ? As for me my feelings have faded but I just do t know why he’s like that? Yea he’s always been immature and never made his mind but if he doesn’t want to be my bf and acts akward as a friend.. What does he want?
Iz

March 9, 2014 at 4:46 pm

Hey Chris,

What should I do if my boyfriend is the Fourth Jerk Behavior? It’s clear that he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore if he completely ignores me ):

admin

March 10, 2014 at 5:43 pm

I am writing something on this for the next two weeks I want it to be incredible.

Martha rojaaas

March 5, 2014 at 8:54 am

Me and my ex time up a month and half ago, I tried the no contact until I contacted him on day 23 and he was mad cuz I deleted him off Fb and he said it was clear I didn’t need him in my life , the day we broke up he was the one crying saying he wanted me to be happy .. So when he found out I deleted him off Facebook he was mad and kinda like a jerk … So again we did no contact for another week until
He messaged me to apologize so we stayed friends for a week and we wouldn’t talk about the past at all, until today I brought it up that I could see how he seems like he’s over me and he said ” Well I’m a guy. I got other stuff on my plate. Sometimes need to just throw my emotions away and continue with my life” and now he says that since I still have strong feelings for him it’s better if we don’t even stay as friends 🙁 I asked if we would ever have. A chance he said no, so I think it’s now all clear that he has moved on , I thought it was just his pride and immaturity but now I see he’s over me, I think I should really let go but it’s too hard since I was his first Gf and he was my first bf , should I just let go? I ask you Chris cuz well you know about this and ur a guy 🙂 … Thanks !!

admin

March 5, 2014 at 5:55 pm

I may have asked you this already but I can’t remember.

How old are you?

He was your first bf so I am curious at how old you are

Eri

March 1, 2014 at 8:17 am

Hi chris, hope all is well on your side.
My ex wants us to be friends and we talk EVERYDAY! and he sometimes gives me the feeling that he still loves me and sometimes he acts like we’re just friends!..and sometimes i feel we’re reaaalllyy close and sometime he pulls away and seems distant!…lately when we text talks for a while the stops responding and i feel ignored!
When i feel he’s distant it scares me so much that i can’t help but fight about it!
Why does he do that?..is he being a jerk?..and how do i get him to not ignore me?
Thank you

admin

March 2, 2014 at 7:17 pm

Maybe you should try to end the conversations first.
Eri

March 2, 2014 at 7:44 pm

The thing is he does that in in the middle of a normal conversation..like we’re talking about something and the conversation is going well and he suddenly stops!
He didn’t do that before!..he is acting really weird lately and he keeps telling me he’s depressed!..i don’t get him!
I’m trying to give him his space..like when he doesn’t reply i don’t text until i get weak and start texting him again!
I’m afraid to him his space coz it might make a larger distance between us or he might meet another girl coz as they say out of sight, out of mind!

Ana

February 28, 2014 at 4:18 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex was acting like a gentleman after the breakup. He admitted it’s his lack of effort that caused our feelings faded, and still takes time to talk to me on the phone several days after the breakup as I need to express my hurting feelings… Now he still texts me on and off for updates in my life even if I ignore him sometimes, but he ends the talk very quickly, the talk seems very… non emotional.

How to interpret this total non-jerk behavior?
Thanks
Martha rojaaas

February 27, 2014 at 5:26 am

As you can read on my last post after all that me and my ex got on speaking terms today, after no contact for 25 days… Now my question is what shouldn’t I say or do as we are now just friends ? I know I have to let go of the past and. Not bring it up.. A lot of people think it’s gonna hurt me more to stay friends with him but as soon as we started talking I felt this relief in me … What’s your advice ? I really appriciate it!!!

admin

February 27, 2014 at 7:40 pm

Take things slow.

Just slowly advance things.

Martha rojaaas

February 19, 2014 at 8:53 am

The day my ex bf and I decided to stay as friends because we would argue a lot he was crying saying he was always gonna love me and be here for me, he’s really stubborn and immature .. We lasted a year and 3: months and the next day after the break up he kept mentioning that we were only friends , we stayed friends for a week and half until I found out he was telling people he had dumped me , got me
So mad I told him off and went on no contact for 21 days but on valentines day I deleted him off my Facebook because it hurted me to see him continue his life like nothing while I was posting all depress and stuff …. So today at day 21 of no contact I contacted him on Facebook and he answered all rude and I told him I still loved him and cared for him and if he wanted to stay friends that I accepted that , but he kept saying “you deleted me off Facebook, you don’t need me in your life you left that clear” …kept saying “you deleted me ” so we ended the conversation as I let him know I love him and care for him , he saw my message and didn’t reply … Also I made this page on this other chat and so did he because I figured he had looked at my page , and he’s now talking to other girls and that don’t bother me it makes me
Think he has found a new distraction …makes me just want to give up … I dont know Chris if I messed it all up 🙁 what advice can you give me
Mink

February 18, 2014 at 5:14 pm

Hi Chris – I think my ex is a jerk who just wants to see me suffer. Over the course of our relationship (2 years) he said and did things that depressed me…talked about other women, asked me to help him a lot with little in return, wanting me to live with him but them telling me I hovered, never said he loved me (as he did not know what that was)…so I left. However we did have a connection but it was mainly sex. I became bitter and resentful over time because he would never give me a loving relationship. We would be getting on well and he would cool off and said they we did not get on…so many things that confused me and damaged my self esteem. I spent a year looking after a family member in my home country but we were still talking. He wanted me to strip off on skype and stuff like that but I refused. He played games with my mind blowing hot and cold – I became sad and tired of this. I then decided to take another job far away from him as I was tired of getting crumbs and maybes, and he was not offering anything solid in terms of a relationship. I still had feelings for him despite this. He then became hard to contact – no replies to msgs, if I rang he switched the phone off. It turns out he had moved on without telling me and I only found out when I was booking a ticket to go and see him and we were chatting on the net. I reacted very badly and did some crazy things like tell a lot of people what he did and I even contacted the new gf. I called him a few times and was very upset which made him angry. They broke up after 3 months. In the meantime I had started my job and was having real problems coping. I had distance counselling and I felt very depressed with black thoughts. Over time I made friends and did the best I could to function. I still kept in touch with him – there was a lot of anger on my part and he responded angrily back. Over time we sort of started having civil conversations again and I met up with him for the first time in 12 mths – he was pushing to see me one minute and then saying it was my decision etc – anyway he wanted sex very quickly (he woke me up for it) and for him things had picked up from how we were. Before I met him he was wanting to get back together and start over and saying really bizarre things. I told him I just wanted to see if we could be friends first…but then I slept with him 🙁 I had lost a lot of the good feelings I had along with trust – he told me the women he was with had pursued him – I knew this was not the case and he was the one pushing the relationship. He apologised for hurting me but in the same breath he said that we had broken up and he found someone else…so he was right and I was wrong. It felt strange sleeping with him. We hung out for a few days and generally got on ok – at the airport he went cold and very matter a fact which hurt me = he had not changed. Because I live in a huge city where I know one person I am vulnerable for contacting him if I feel lonely or sad or if anything goes wrong with work etc. It is like an addiction as I felt relieved/good when I spoke with him and he knew this. We kept talking and he wanted me to open up so we could have a honest relationship…I felt annoyed at times as I knew he was far from honest and he was putting this all on me; I was also tired with my job. He wanted to meet up again and I was in two minds – I wanted to see him but was scared of being treated badly again. He always said it was my choice – that he did not mind if I did not see him. But I did – he had booked his ticket so off I went to meet him. I felt stressed at times and if I became impatient or assertive, he held this against me. I felt that he always kept a mental tally of my transgressions. I organised the hotel and the travel and he just had to turn up. There was no indication of what was to come at the airport – he was happy enough travelling there. It was very crowded and I tend to be very organised which he interprets as being impatient. Anyway in the departure lounge I asked when I would see him again and his answer indicated many months down the track. It was like I had been smacked across the face and I was not happy as I felt used. He then started saying that we do not get on in daily life (he always said this), that his other relationships were not like this, what did I want from him – did I want him to marry me and he made a comment about my family (after I had told him some personal information in confidence). He then wanted me to hug him, which I really did not want to do – I was that numb and switched off. I just said to have a good trip and he then left to catch the plane, I did not look at him and I have not heard from him 6 weeks down the track, no apology, nothing. I only weakened about 3 weeks in when I sent a one word message in gchat “why?”. He has now blocked me on gchat. What he said in the airport was so hurtful and I felt betrayed again. It was also in a crowded departure lounge and people were watching and listening. I will never get an apology as his version is what is right …I probably did push him but we did not talk about the relationship at all when we were together – with my job I just want to have a break. It is hard to meet up every 8 weeks and to build a relationship after all that has happened. I know this is a long rant but I know I will never get an answer as to why he said what he did so it is no point chasing or expecting this. He told me he would repay me in happiness…he has only repaid me with confusion and pain. And he is a psychologist. Never again.

Mink

February 19, 2014 at 5:00 am

Chris – do you think he is a jerk? I know have enabled his behaviour. I also know that I will never get an apology from him and if I do, it he will word it so he looks like he did noting wrong I think that is what is so hard to take – there is no genuine remorse. He apologises so he can get what he wants again.
admin

February 19, 2014 at 7:10 pm

I think he is yes. Do you?
Mink

February 20, 2014 at 1:28 am

Yes of course, but I am stuck in an illusion of delusion. I hope that when I am in a better place with more to occupy me and hopefully a healthier self esteem I can forget him for good. As he told me I have to accept him for what he is…and that is a jerk.

Marie

February 16, 2014 at 11:10 pm

Hello Chris,
So here are the details:
-Were together off n on 3 years.
-Last relationship we lived together for a year and 2 months.
-Have an almost 2 year old daughter together.
-Broke up in September.
-Slept around until December.
-Finally started NC (No not MC-NC) a few weeks ago.
-He called twice in 2 weeks. Finally ended up calling my sister to check on ME and then my kids.
-Told my sister that he’d never say never, still loves me, and just needed me to change and start by communicating better.
-I WAS FINE for the first 2 weeks NC. I had it all worked out that he could still get his daughter and pay his support and everything. Then it happened. He did something that angered me mentally and financially-and I had to say something.
-NOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED! he’s NC me! No response to texts, emails, calls, you name it.
-I already know what your gonna say, began what will more than likely be a NC duel with him. But is all this even worth it? I mean I love em and want em back. But has anything that I typed here indicated to you in your personal opinion that we have a chance?

*FYI-for judgement purposes-No one cheated or lied. Just bad arguing. I am verbal about how I feel sometimes without thinking and that diminished our relationship. So I DO need a lil work lol. But he’s stubborn and a lil younger than I and thats where we clash.

admin

February 17, 2014 at 7:41 pm

Did you two ever have a calm discussion rather than fighting or arguing?
Marie

February 18, 2014 at 1:45 am

Yes. We have had a mixture. We have talked calmly and we have had it out. We did a lil bit of counseling too-I stopped participating. I’m not going to lie things were hard toward the end, but we were also traveling and looking at rings toward the end too. He’s fixated on the bad though and not the good.
Marie

February 18, 2014 at 1:53 am

But I will say that he’s not a fighter/argue-er. He was usually the calm and rational one. He would try to discuss things but I was usually in the midst of my anger then. The next day however HE would be angry (guess it sinks in then), and I would’ve calm (having gotten it off my chest). That’s what did it for us.

Ms. Hyde

February 13, 2014 at 5:45 pm

My ex and I were serious for two years, talked about marriage, seem to be on the same page about raising kids, and money, all the important stuff. Six months ago, we bought a house together, and enjoyed about a month of domestic bliss. Since then, some major stressful events have occurred in his family, and it has taken a major toll on our relationship – we could not recover.

We have had probably three major fights since then, but about once a week or every second week there would be a fight about something ridiculous, but all with the same pattern – he would make a demand of me, and if I did’t agree with him, or comply, he would fly off the handle, or give me the silent treatment for days, and will never apologize for anything. I felt like he had turned Mr. Hyde on me, and was suddenly the most selfish, childish and inconsiderate person. In between fights, he is gentlemanly, generous, fun, supportive.

He broke up with me two nights ago – we had had a great day together, but he woke me in the middle of the night, poking me and pinching me and fidgeting and being generally very annoying for no reason other than to cause a fight. when I finally got frustrated and asked him to stop touching me, he rolled over, told me he didnt love me anymore, and that touching me made his skin crawl. He said it was over between us, and since then has stopped texting me, deleted me on facebook, sent requests to me and my friends to take down pictures he is in, and constantly snipes at me at home (I, of course, do not respond, as I initiated NC immediately, aside from necessary “did you feed the cat” type comments, which i deliver unemotionally).

That is my situation. I am not sure if I want him back, because I don’t like the Mr. Hyde he sometimes becomes. But I cant help still loving him, and feeling like we have so much of the important stuff in common, and I am invested (bought a house together). I know I am capable of following your guides, as I am an extremely disciplined person, but do you think this guy is worth it? Or do you think he is the “likes to see you suffer” type of jerk?

Sorry for being so long – I really tried to be concise.

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