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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
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The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
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Sarah
January 14, 2015 at 6:12 pm
Hi Chris.
So in my situation my ex and I broke up but ever since he has still acted like my boyfriend. We don’t live in the same state but he still says he loves me all the time and comes to visit me. However, several times in the past few months he has acted like he wants to go do his own thing or date other girls and I have accepted that and stopped talking to him and then he comes back every time. I did the 30 day no contact and he kept texting and calling. I’ve also gone several weeks without talking to him a couple times and he always tries to get ahold of me. For Christmas he gave me a bunch of presents including matching couples shirts. However, I stopped talking to him for several weeks and then he kept trying to tell me he wanted to talk in person. I finally called him and he explained that he’s gone on a few dates with someone but he doesn’t feel the same about her as he does with me and he’s not going to continue to see her. He also talked about how he still see’s a future with me. Then he came over even though I told him not to. We didn’t do anything sexual but we did kiss. He told me over and over that he loves me and that he’s going to work harder to show it. He talked about possibly moving in together in the future and more things like that. The next day I texted him letting him know that he can’t stay the night again as long as he is pursuing other women. Even though he told me is not still seeing the other girl I know its possible that they’re still talking or that he will date someone else and I’m not comfortable with him staying the night under those circumstances. Well last night he texted me saying that that night was a mistake and he gave me no reasoning for it.
I am extremely confused as to why he would say it was a mistake when he was the one pushing so hard to see me and I was saying no. Why would he talk about a future with me etc? I know there could be many reasons why he said it was a mistake: the other girl, him not wanting to lead me on, him pushing something I didn’t want, etc. But do you have any idea which one it would be? Also I’m thinking now but be a good time to just cut all communication with him for about 2 months until he has time to mature and figure out what he really wants. Us going back and forth with each other doesn’t seem to be getting me anywhere.
Please let me know what your thoughts on this are. Thanks!
Sunshine
January 8, 2015 at 11:31 pm
Hi, I posted my ‘story’ Under your guide about How to get your exboyfriend back when you have kids…. My ex contacts me every day and expresses a great deal of interests in us and our relationship. We talk CONSTANTLY (laughing and joking and he has very fond memories of our relationship), until he gets off work and goes home to his girlfriend then I dont hear from him til the morning.. He says he wants to be with me, However, he won’t leave his girlfriend. I think he is waiting on her to break up with them, and truthfully that may never happen. What SHOULD I do??
Lauren
December 30, 2014 at 8:57 pm
Hi Chris,
I have to make this as short as possible because it’s a really long story. Long story short, my ex and I broke up in August (were together for a year), but were on a break for a month or so before we broke up (but were still seeing each other).
We broke up, and he got a new girlfriend. However, it feels as if we never broke up because we never really made it more than a week without talking. He started calling me at night to ask how I was, texting me from time to time.
Eventually, one night he asked to come over to my new apt and said him and his gf were on a break. I let him come, we spent a week straight together of him being there overnight every night. We’d go to work then come home to my apt together. Then, one day, he got distant (after going home) and a few days later told me he decided to get back with the other girl. We kept talking anyway after a few days (he couldn’t just leave me alone, had to talk to me again) and things were just weird for a while, like friends.
Then, on his bday on Nov 25, he asked if he could come over and we’d go out so he could spend his bday with me. I said yes, then he and his gf went on another break and were really not doing well and not considered “together.” So since then, we had been hanging out, talking, and he started going to therapy to try and get his life together and figure stuff out. Throughout this time, he was very honest with me about his feelings for the other girl, that he wasn’t sure about leaving her completely, but can’t live without me.
He said he needed to make a decision and he needed time apart from me and her and to be alone (makes sense) and I let him have that time for about 3 days. Then after that, he called me and wanted to see me. Every time we hangout is great. The thing is, I am very mature and stable and want something serious (I’m 24) he is 27, and the other girl is 21. My ex has always been the partying type and I feel like he was with that girl to stay in that mode because he knows with me he’d have to grow up.
Now going to therapy, his therapist told him that i’m better for him or at least someone like me, but whatever he decides to do, she wanted him to bring the girl to therapy with him. We didn’t talk all weekend or yesterday, then he texts me today telling me he brought the girl to therapy and that it went well and he wants to see how things go with her now and doesn’t want to hurt me anymore. Yet, he tells me he feels this is what’s right “FOR NOW” it’s always “for now” like he never wants me to think it’s completely over. He also says he still wants to stay in touch and he’ll call me and text me and stuff.
uhh what? I feel like he is only going back to her because it’s easy. He doesn’t have to grow up and she doesn’t expect much from him, unlike me.
Please help me, I know I should move on and let him go, but I really can’t. I have tried, multiple times. It never works. I’m thinking NC is the best option right now, because he gets so much emotional support and comfort from me that he doesn’t get from her so its like the best of both worlds. If suddenly I’m gone, he won’t be getting that and wonder where it went, and realize it was from me, not her. Also, I think he feels like I’ll always be around so he can just mess around until he decides he wants a real relationship.
What do you think?
admin
January 5, 2015 at 2:58 pm
Definitely no contact is you rbest option righ tnow.
ashley
December 15, 2014 at 11:21 pm
Hey Chris,
You know the example you gave about the cupple dating for five years and them braking up and he cheats on his new girlfriend with his ex after some time….well that is alot like my situation me and my ex where dating for five years and then he broke up with me out of the blue but the odd thing is we never stopped talking it was like we never broke up he also got a new girlfriend with in a week of the brake up but me and him where still seeing “each other” I told him it was wrong and that he needed to choose and he played it off. So pretty much refused so I told him to stop talking to me and I told his gf she of course dident believe me. But he still obviously cared for me grately and all this went on for four months…..point is do you think we will ever work out
Rebound?
December 15, 2014 at 9:17 pm
Hi,
A month ago, exactly on Halloween, I met a guy who goes to the same university as me (we met once a month before that on a night out and shared a taxi with friends – so that’s what we bonded over when we saw each other in a class).
He’s great, we now talk daily,
We haven’t been very physical or affectionate – more spending time as friends- until a day ago where he kissed me and opened up about how he likes me. He said how he never had this problem before, when I asked him what the problem was he said ‘telling a girl I like her’.
We’re quite well matched; both writers and share many of the same views. And I do enjoy his company.
– The catch is that he only got out of a two year relationship no more than two months ago.
This sends alarm bells in my head.
He does seem to genuinely care about me and has my happiness and interest in mind, he once drove me to hospital when I wasn’t feeling too well, he was more concerned than me!
He’s incredibly considerate and quite protective of me. He seems quite smitten; he looks at me across the room when he thinks im not looking and i’ll catch him smiling, It all seems very genuine, but I am scared of being a rebound.
I’ve spoken to him about this and he says he understands where my fears are coming from but still reassures me that he has left the past in the past, doesn’t miss her (they had a difficult relationship, she was very dependant on him and had many problems which he tried to make her seek help for etc.) And that ended it was the best thing and that he is glad the relationship is over.
Neither of us are jumping into a relationship,
But in my mind, I cannot understand how a person can move on from a break up so quickly?
Is he just not dealing with his feelings and wants to believe he is detached from them?
Is it possible to start a relationship with this person or should I give him more time?
Am I imposing how long it took me to get over my break up a year ago on him and expecting he must be suffering like I was when I broke up with my ex before?
Any advice and guidance would be appreciated.
Thank you in advance.
SomeAdvicePlease
December 15, 2014 at 5:02 pm
Hello Chris! Before reading that, I wished my ex could talk to me but now I’m not sure.. To take things from the beggining, I met my ex on fb on summer 2013.He’s from my area but at that time he worked in another city.So we’ve been talking almost every day since we met,he asked me my phone Number and it was clear he was attracted to me.At he end of the summer he returned here for his sister’s wedding so we met the very First day he came here.Things were good,we even planed a trip abroad together but after a while he started being distand,he didn’t ask me to meet.I was scared, I admit I made some dreadfull mistakes..He left again without us talking.Afer a while I tried to call him cause the trip was still on,he said he wasn’t sure if he wanted us to be together.Even so we agreed to go,that I would pay for the tickets cause he had some financial problems.Some weeks later he returned here permanetely,I asked him to meet,he agreed but later changed his mind, we had a little fight but I decided to end it, asked him what he would like from a relantioship, I said what I’d like too so we ended it(I thought).Next day he texted me First after a long time,few days later though he’s cold again,I say ”I missed you” he didn’t reply anyhing.Devastated I decide not to talk to him again.Some days later he texts me to open the tv and watch a film I had suggested him in the past.I replied the next day,being cold,so was him and I ended it there.Again he texts me that he found a job, I reply being cold again and end it.Then I discovered your site and decided do NC.He once more texted,I didn’t reply.I saw some strange posts on fb but did nothing so afer 30 days(december) I text him with success I must say.he next day he says he misses me and asks me about the trip.Things were good,and on xmas eve he says he wants to see me, but I was away then.On NEW year we again messaged each other all night long,then he asks me to come to his House but I said it wouldn’t be the best idea.Things were a bit strange after that,he was once cold,once hot,we eventually met around end of january,in his place were he introduced me as his gf, I thought it went good,even so after that nothing..So the time of the trip comes and he cancels it!saying that we can’t be together and we wont be!That he has trouble with his job and that he will return all the Money to me.I tried to ask him what was his problem but no reply so NC again.This time it wasn’t succesful.He closed his fb for a month,when I tried the first text he didn’t reply.After a while though he started being more friendly,opened fb again,we even talked on the phone.Then he never wishes me for my birthday. I tried to be funny and interesting in my texts,he seems possitive, then around june,when I’m losing hope and ask for the money he says he has a gf!I was lost,afer a few days I decide to write a mature text, thanking him for everything and cut contact.He didn’t say anything, still hasn’t..I have him on fb though.From his photos I saw at summer he went somewhere,probably with her, I thought it was so soon!Then a month ago,when I thought he might have broke up, I see that he puts a in relantionship status!I’m so worried and don’t know what to do..I want your opinion in 2 things basically
1)I saw some pics of her and I have to say that somehow we look alike, even so others agreed she’s not more beautiful than me. I just want a guy’s opinion in what that does mean..?
2)Judging from all that what can I possibly do? Should text him on xmas to wish or not??
I’d really appreciate your opinion!!
Conflicted
December 10, 2014 at 7:38 pm
I have been reading this website for the past six months trying to gain clarity. Long story short, me and my boyfriend had the worst breakup in the history of mankind. I’m not exaggerating one bit. I have not spoken to him or interacted with him in about 5 months and some change now. We only text because we have kids.
For the past couple of weeks he has been saying that we need to talk. I have turned him down every single time. A few days ago he apologized and asked to be friends. This is about the third or fourth time he’s asked to be friends, but he never apologized before. He lives with the woman that he left me for and I told him that I would never forgive him for what he did.
Which leads me to today. We got into another terrible fight via text and I finally just told him we need to stop because its exhausting. The next text I got back was asking me to meet with him and talk.
I have no idea what to do. Initially, I wanted him back really bad. Now, I’m casually dating a really nice, attractive guy who I feel that I am compatible with. We’ve made plans for New Year’s and I’m really looking forward to it.
I guess I took the no contact rule and went a little crazy. Now, as a result, it appears that my ex wants to at least end the feud. I’m just feeling confused because I truly don’t think I have it in me to forgive him. I have absolutely been avoiding him because I feel like I could be swayed by emotions. I might have a tiny bit of love left for him deep inside, but I know that’s all that it takes for things to get re-ignited.
I have absolutely no expectations, but I really don’t want to get hurt emotionally. I’m in a pretty good place as I’ve been moving on for months now. Please let me know if meeting up is a good idea or not. For all the terrible things that he has done and continues to do, I think it’s going to take me years, not months, in order to really forgive him and think about any type of ‘friendship,’ whatever that means.
Also, to add. My ex is most definitely a serial cheater. Part of the reason I went no contact with him is because he has this habit of conveniently using his exes as fallback girls when things get tough at home. So, there’s a chance that things aren’t working out with his new girlfriend, and also a chance that the guilt is just eating him up inside. Whatever the case, I’m not really concerned about his feelings. I’m just curious to what he has to say. Something tells me he’s just trying to manipulate me again.
admin
December 15, 2014 at 5:07 am
I understand your perspective… I would have a hard time forgiving if I was in your situation too.
IF your ex is a serial cheater that is a serious problem… He probably won’t stop.
Sarah
December 10, 2014 at 12:40 am
Hi Chris,
So, my situation’s a little different… I had been talking to this guy for a few weeks (we slept together the second time we hung out and every time after that… too soon?), and he had told me the day before his birthday, which was on a Friday, that he and some work friends were going out to celebrate and he wanted me to come. I told him I’d try (I didn’t want to sound too available). The next day (Friday afternoon), I texted him asking what the plan would be if I decided to go out, and he said he was waiting to hear from work folk. I told to let me know and responded, “K” (ugh). Anyway, I didn’t hear from him by 9pm and ended up going out with my friend, blacking out for the first time since college, and the last thing I remember was sending him, “happy birthday”
I wake up to a text from him the next day and saw that I had called him FIFTEEN FUCKING TIMES (I shit you not), and sent texts saying, “answer my phone call dick,” and “If you don’t respond in 10 min we’re done.” He responded of course with, “Really? You’re giving me ultimatums? Listen, you’re an amazing girl, but I don’t play that game, blahblahblahblah” You get it.
So I texted him that morning that I was sorry, I don’t remember sending those or calling, everyone has those regretful drunk texts they’ve sent, and that I hoped he could give me a second chance. I even said if he wasn’t interested to just let me know and we can go our separate ways (basically giving him an “out”). He said he understood and he would like me to give him some time to think about it. I haven’t talked to him since, and that was about a month ago (I did notice that he unmatched me on Tinder; either that or he deleted the entire thing).
So, my question is: Does NC and the rules you lay out apply to situations like these, ones that didn’t go as far as an exclusive relationship? Should I read into the fact that he went out to the bars on his bday and never really invited me to come meet up? And was sleeping with him that soon a huge mistake? If you do recommend I contact him, what would be the best way to break the ice? With a funny/haha, “Hey, it’s that crazy girl that blew up your phone on your birthday like a raging lunatic…” or a simple, “Hey, how have you been?”
Also, thanks so much for taking the time to read these and offer advice. It can’t be easy to pick and choose between the hundreds of message on which to respond to, but you really are helping a lot of people. You’re greatly appreciated 🙂
admin
December 10, 2014 at 3:38 pm
Yes they do apply.
Sarah
December 9, 2014 at 12:28 am
So, my situation’s a little different… I had been talking to this guy for a few weeks (we slept together the second time we hung out and every time after that… too soon?), and he had told me the day before his birthday, which was on a Friday, that he and some work friends were going out to celebrate and he wanted me to come. I told him I’d try (I didn’t want to sound too available). The next day (Friday afternoon), I texted him asking what the plan would be if I decided to go out, and he said he was waiting to hear from work folk. I told him to let me know and he responded, “K” (ugh). Anyway, I didn’t hear from him by 9pm and ended up going out with my friend, blacking out for the first time since college, and the last thing I remember was sending him, “happy birthday.”
I woke up to a text from him the next day and saw that I had called him FIFTEEN FUCKING TIMES (I shit you not), and sent texts saying, “answer my phone call dick,” and “If you don’t respond in 10 min we’re done.” He responded of course with, “Really? You’re giving me ultimatums? Listen, you’re an amazing girl, but I don’t play that game, blahblahblahblah,” You get it.
So I texted him that morning that I was sorry, I don’t remember sending those texts or calling, everyone has those regretful drunk texts they’ve sent, and that I hoped he could give me a second chance. I even said if he wasn’t interested to just let me know and we can go our separate ways (basically giving him an “out”). He said he understood and he would like me to give him some time to think about it. I haven’t talked to him since, and that was about a month ago (I did notice that he unmatched me on Tinder; either that or he deleted the entire thing).
So, my question is: Does NC and the rules you lay out apply to situations like these, ones that didn’t go as far as an exclusive relationship? Should I read into the fact that he went out to the bars on his bday and never really invited me to come meet up? And was sleeping with him that soon a huge mistake? If you do recommend I contact him, what would be the best way to break the ice? With a funny/haha, “Hey, it’s that crazy girl that blew up your phone on your birthday like a raging lunatic…” or a simple, “Hey, how have you been?”
Also, thanks so much for taking the time to read these and offer advice. It can’t be easy to pick and choose between the hundreds of message on which to respond to, but you really are helping a lot of people. You’re greatly appreciated 🙂
admin
December 9, 2014 at 1:32 pm
Definitely slept with him too soon. You should have made him work for it a bit.
NC does apply to these situations.
Sarah
December 10, 2014 at 12:42 am
So what should I say to him if I text him…?
Danielle
December 8, 2014 at 8:44 pm
It’s been 5 months since we’ve broken up after 27 months together.
My ex is rebounding on his last serious ex before me, they were together junior year of high school broke up and only hooked up a few times senior year, barely but was still emotionally volatile because he had rebounded on his ex before her and then still wanted her back. We got together at the end of his freshman year on spring break (I was in my senior year of high school) and he flew back home to ask me out (we lived in the same city I moved a few months ago which contributed to the break up) we were together up until 5 months ago the beginning of his senior year, we had an amazing relationship and really loved each other and his family loved me even more. I was following your advice and all the texting steps that you and text your ex back recommend and was making decent progress but then I found this all out yday which was the exact date we broke up 5 months ago on.
I dont want to continue texting him right now and look like an idiot who knows everything but is still desperate because he will tell his friends and make it seem that way even though he’s still continuing the conversation. I also don’t want to be just one of the many girls on his roster that he rotates through texting or let him have me try to get him back whilst he uses all these other girls. I’m in a major dilemma and I don’t know how long this will last of their rebound, not sure if its a relationship or if their Js hooking up whenever they meet because he studies in sd and she studies in ny, in the past semester (3/4 months) they’ve been in the same place for 3 weekends.
Could really use your advice! He spent thanksgiving/his 21st in Vegas and that’s where the photos of them two got posted his friends are trying to be obnoxious about it and he’s liked all those photos too and I know it definetly to get under my skin but I don’t know how to make sense of the whole thing and what’s happening/their status. She was already in Vegas few days earlier, everyone in their senior year within all our friend circles flew down for to Vegas for thanksgiving so I know it wasn’t Js for his bday that she went but all of it Js seems rather convenient in helping him stay distracted and not thinking of me. I just get scared that the rebound is an ex so if that could lead to them rekindling at all but I know their relationship wasn’t good and his family didn’t think much of her.
Danielle
December 9, 2014 at 9:14 pm
Sorry to seem like a gnat, just awaiting your reply since I saw you replied everyone else’s but mine today haha
Trying out NC again, on my 14th day I’m finding it a lot easier this time round and I have a lot going on to keep me distracted. Especially finals but he has that too so I don’t know if he’s equally distracted and when my void will be felt enough to act upon it I’ve in the meantime tried to become a more attractive version of myself and even changed my DP to something I look extremely classey but utterly hot in. My last two DP changes on FB since the breakup have gotten more likes than any of my previous ones as I have gone out and made many many more friends and esp guys and my ex was the kind of guy to analyse every person that liked me stuff on fb and told me he use to get jealous, I’m sure he’s still looking now too.
Your thoughts on everything please 🙂
admin
December 10, 2014 at 3:31 pm
Sorry Danielle, I am replying now.
DP? Do you mean profile pictures?
Sorry, I am afraid to say I have fallen out with the lingo now 🙁
Danielle
December 11, 2014 at 6:16 pm
Yeah I meant profile picture I just abbreviate to display photo. I should also mention a big reason for him not trying to get me back or make things work was because my family moved countries at the end of summer so out of concern for not being able to spend 3/4 months of the year together in the same city during holidays even though I said my family would fly down a lot anyways since we have family and business in the city. He’s chosen to start dating his previous ex so so fast when she spends 8-9 months of the year studying else wear and I study a 2.5 hr train ride from him and able to spend every weekend together which were normally two even three nights everytime during the semesters. His friend said while speaking to my best friend aswell that he doesn’t understand that he got out of one long distance to jump straight into another. He has a history of going back to his exes after breaking up and then after months pass by going back to the girl and trying to get her back, however in those cases the exes would just fling with him and not agree to date him but this time this ex did…
Do you think he’ll come back to me and try and win me back still? Mee also never had a closure conversation as the break up happened over text and he refused to properly meet after that to discuss it therefore we still feel so unfinished let alone the emotional aspect to everything of fitting perfectly in all aspects of each other’s family, lives and goals.
Danielle
December 19, 2014 at 10:38 am
What are your thoughts? Been really awaiting your reply.
Drishti
December 30, 2014 at 3:26 am
Sorry to seem like a site gnat but I could really really use your take on the situation! Been in NC for the past 5 weeks since his birthday day after wishing him and it’s my birthday this coming weekend.
Danielle
December 10, 2014 at 1:51 am
I just found out he’s gone back to full on dating her which means he’s completely rebounding on his ex…. it’s been on ongoing for the past 3 months I suspect it may have even started in summer right after we broke up… it’s only been 5 months…… he bounced immediately… I don’t have it in me to watch him rebound on her I already watched them together during the period I use to like him before year before he asked me because I liked him from the minute I met him. What should I do?
Annie2014
December 8, 2014 at 6:58 pm
Hi Chris,
Thank you for addressing the issues that have been troubling me so much – working together with an ex, age difference and, now, his contacting me. I’m grateful for these articles.
As the time passes and my head gets clearer, the answer looks more like “because he is an asshole” ))) but it is still hard for me to move on with my life because my emotions still speak louder than my mind. It feels like existing in never-ending darkness. His attention inspires my hope that we can possibly be together again but the solid fact that he has been living with another woman for over a year now grinds my hope into dust. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to collect the pieces of myself together again.
admin
December 9, 2014 at 1:18 pm
Hmm… for a whole year isn’t looking so good.
Have you tried dating anyone else during this time?
Annie2014
December 9, 2014 at 2:08 pm
I’ve been courted by a few guys but rather passively and I have not liked anyone enough to encourage them. Don’t think I am a recluse – apart from work, I meet friends, I travel, I have hobbies, I do fitness etc.
At the moment, I can’t quit my job just to stop seeing him ((
I am bouncing from hope to despair and back to hope all the time.
Some days, I only make myself get up from bed, attire myself prettily and apply makeup ONLY because I know he will see me in the office.
Annie2014
December 16, 2014 at 10:12 am
He’s been contacting me via a local social network more frequently lately. And the latest conversation – I wish his gf could see it. It is more than just friendly talk.
The morality of the situation must be questioned but I can’t think of anything else ((((((( It’s like a sickness. Cold despair crossed by heat waves.
I am afraid he knows how I feel and what effect his attention plays on my emotional state. I don’t want to be used. But I’m interested what he will do next.
Sophie
December 8, 2014 at 4:06 pm
Chris I’m desperate, I need your help. He contacted me and treated me horribly, he called me a bitch and told me that it has never been mutual, that it has been a game for him
Is it worth to fight for? Does he really think and mean
admin
December 9, 2014 at 1:14 pm
What caused him to say these things? What was the trigger?
Sophie
December 9, 2014 at 3:45 pm
I guess the trigger was that I’ve never tried NC to begin with, also that he has a new girlfriend and that I keep insisting while he wants he wants me to disappear completely and forever (his words)
Is there anything I can do to solve this situation? It’s a really complicated one
admin
December 10, 2014 at 3:13 pm
Time and NC seems to be it.
Sophie
December 8, 2014 at 4:08 pm
*and mean what he said? :'(
Emma
December 8, 2014 at 1:58 pm
Hey Chris,
I love this chapter ! I’ve have been waiting for this topic to be discussed!
I’ve posted my story before for the past year about how my ex of 3 years left me for a much younger woman . He met her while he was traveling, he kicked me out of his house, took her on our vacation (we planned it for months and it was my bday gift)a week after we broke up and they moved in together out of state.
Devasted, blindsided and shocked. Now here I am a year later and doing ok.. But I still miss him and love him.. He has dropped text to me checking in and say things “that he is not over me, still thinks of me” etc.. The last thinking of u text was few months ago..I asked if he was still with her and gave me a frown face..this entire he was reaching out to me, and thinking the tide was changing and he was coming around..poof! Gone! I haven’t heard from him since.. He just turned 39 she is 25 and succeeding ! He was my best friend too..we were committed to grow and be there for each.. He told me that he wasn’t going anywhere..(days before breakup) and he can’t for our trip..
And even the fact that he gave me an StD months before..I still told him that I love him..now he won’t come back.. She got him. I feel stupid,played and foolish..
admin
December 9, 2014 at 1:09 pm
Big age difference between him and her… I don’t think that bodes well for their relationship. Some age difference is ok but that is a massive one.
Emma
December 10, 2014 at 4:18 am
Are you saying they might not last? It’s been a year.. I thought he would be coming back to me.. ..I dunno anymore.. Were they just lies? My heartaches.. I’m in NC now.. Not reaching out anymore.. Just letting him be …for the best?
Emma
December 8, 2014 at 8:18 pm
Should I continue the NC at this point? Let it be? He knows I love him and miss him.. His mom reached out last month because she likes me and misses me.. I cried during lunch.. Pathetic.. Ugh ! I just don’t get the constant contact from him all year..then nothing.!. My response is always kind and loving..I always treated him with love and respect.. Is it true that men really want the bitches? Women that keep them on their toes? His new gf is completely different ..she wild.. And young ..
Elizabeth
December 8, 2014 at 1:52 pm
Good morning Chris,
I have been trying to post a question in the forum but it repeatedly says I have entered the wrong captcha , the section is regarding contact when your ex has a girlfriend ,
I’ll paste my question here as well in the hopes I might get some feedback , I used my middle name Elizabeth since previously my comments had my full name public , bit embarrassing !
Thank you Maryanne xx
Hi, my husband & I are seperated but were , I thought about to reconcile,after a disagreement he found a girl on tinder who slept with him straight away and he decided he was over me after nearly 19 years and three children, she is 15 years younger than I but I am far more attractive and stylish than she is, sounds arrogant but even he has admitted as much many times himself, once he even said ” love must be blind because I think she’s cute” wow yes she actually resembles the donkey from shrek, at least my little girls think so ,
After 6 months of seeing eachother only about one day a week ,not always, she moved into a room in a share house with him … “Room ” not studio or apartment so pretty much the bed is the couch , there is no privacy or personal space at all.
Most everyday he asks me to move close to him with our children , he texts me good morning and good night xxx he texts me many times a day and sends me selfies if I text him or call him he almost always replies immediately Except for about three hours each evening ( maybe when they have dinner or she is awake ?) he calls with no real reason and plays words with friends throughout the day till he sleeps, he is planning to spend all of christmas including our wedding anniversary in our city ” to be with his kids” ..
At the beginning he was very cruel and went on about being so happy and how great she is and how passionate they were, for weeks now I’ve only heard “I’m involved ” or ” im involved with someone I don’t want to hurt” , he has also said several times he misses me that I am his first and last thought morning and night and tells me how great I look, but will add things like ” but life goes on” he seems constantly in a negative depressed state with a good dose of the dramatics thrown in, he is drinking excessively I think, I can’t imagine the dynamics of their relationship , he seems to stay home and drink if she’s right next to him in the bed while he’s texting me or playing words with friends it just seems quite bizarre . I’m hoping he’s miserable and realizes it’s a terrible impulsive mistake , but now she moved cities and he’s fed her a lot of ” I love you” is he too stick to remove himself?
I have seen a therapist myself , being in a healthy state for my children is paramount , this whole thing is devastating, the therapists option based on things she has said done and written is that it’s extremely likely she is BPD (I’ve seen some creepy letters she wrote after only knowing him three weeks talking about undying love forever and lying in graves side by side on 100 years .. Yep bunny boiler alert !!)
Oh and he is most probably having a midlife crisis ..,
Soo what is going on with him? confused ? Playing games?
Why is he maintaining contact this way??is it a positive that their relationship is falling apart?
Thanks elizabeth
admin
December 9, 2014 at 1:08 pm
Seems you entered the right captcha.
May I ask if you could get over his cheating ever?
Like if you do get him back?
Elizabeth
December 10, 2014 at 1:57 pm
Yes I think so, I’ve loved him for 20 years , we have three girls together, I left him because he was drinking too much and being abusive, I stayed away until I thought he had sorted himself out, I did try to move on but I do believe we belong together, do you think he’s regretting his impulsive actions with this girl . She is 11 years younger than him, mid life crisis??
Elizabeth
December 18, 2014 at 11:29 pm
Soo? What do you think is his reason?
anon
December 8, 2014 at 11:00 am
Hello chris! Thank you for this guide 🙂
I broke up with my ex more than a year ago. Since then we both dated others. So, he has been dating his current gf for almost a year. He tried to win me back middle of this year up till early nov while still dating his gf. We kept in contact from jan till nov. Since he saw that i wasn’t going to take him back. He went back to his gf and started to be more serious with her (making future plans to marry her) I feel kinda stupid somehow cause this past year, he just kept bouncing back to me, only to carry on with her.
How serious can he be with her if he tried to win me back for mths (while still being with her) only to go back to her in the end. After i rejected him. What do you think chris? Why do some men behave like this?
admin
December 8, 2014 at 12:50 pm
Wait, he tried getting you back while he was with his girlfriend?????
jessi
December 4, 2014 at 12:38 am
Hi Chris,
My ex has a girlfriend and we have been broken up for a year. He still acts shy and nervous around me, like he can’t look at me sometimes. And he texted me for my birthday and was afraid to kiss my on my cheek when he did see me on my birthday. Why does he act like this? Is it guilt? But he has seen me happy and I have never begged him back so why would he feel the need to feel guilty?? If he is happy with his girlfriend, shouldnt he act totally different. When he is around other girls he is fine talking with them. But with me it’s like if he looks at me any longer that I will turn him into stone or something….
admin
December 4, 2014 at 2:09 am
Probably doesnt like seeing your feelings hurt.
Has he made any attempt to reach out to you?
jessi
December 4, 2014 at 10:22 pm
Not really. Only for my birthday. And he even texted the day before. After that day he kissed me on the cheek, he acts more distant now. He says hi when I pass by but that’s it. And I decided not to strike up a conversation for at least a month. And when I did, he had this goofy look on his face and I caught him off guard by the surprised expression on his face…
Amy
December 2, 2014 at 4:35 pm
Hi Chris I don’t know if you remember me or not but I posted on your site a while ago about me an my ex living together then about how moved out an in with his rebound but kept coming over still ll the time. He would do all kinds of things to keep me from not talking to him everytime I tried nc even saying he would never talk to me again/ blocking me etc. if I didn’t talk to him or be friends. Or that he didn’t mean it when he said he never wanted to see me or talk to me or blame it on his rebound girl or getting jealous about me meeting new guys an wanted to get back together etc. And you are right that exes can’t be just friends. With my ex his version of friends its friends at all. Also that action speck louder then works since my ex keeps saying he wants nothing to do with me but won’t leave me alone. So now I’m going on week three of nc and he’s already tried to contact me with an excuse that usually worked but I didn’t fail for it this time thanks to the helpful info on your site and support of others.
admin
December 3, 2014 at 4:45 pm
Good job Amy!
I am proud of you!
Amy
December 3, 2014 at 9:37 pm
Thanks Chris an the funny thing is he has already text me again since I commented here lol
admin
December 4, 2014 at 2:06 am
Thats good!
s
December 2, 2014 at 3:35 am
Okay, my ex is with someone new. it’s been 3 months since we broke up, and we had a very intimate relationship.
We have had sex twice since the breakup, and he’s also friendly with me. I’m not sure if he’s having gigs, but he definitely isn’t the person who would make me jealous by dating her.
She doesn’t know we were sexually active in our relationship. She doesn’t know my ex popped in at my house this week for a visit, but his visits to my place always end up with us having sex.
Now I’m thinking, why would he cheat on her, when he has alreay made I clear that he’s never coming back to me because he loves her a lot? He also doesn’t like the FWB thing, he thinks it’s morally wrong. He isn’t the person who would cheat, he never has been. He’s never cheated on me, but he’s cheating on her with me.
Since we last had sex, he has been friendlier and we are talking more than before, since the breakup. He hasn’t talked about our latest sex romp with me because I guess he thought he made a mistake that day and doesn’t want to talk about it because it’d make him feel guilty. I didn’t bring up the topic either. I wanted to see if he talks about it or not.
I would love to know what is going on his mind… Oh and also, he still seems confused between both the girls. Sometimes he wants me, sometimes he wants her. :/
admin
December 2, 2014 at 3:03 pm
Be careful. You shouldn’t be having sex with him anymore.
Kristen
December 1, 2014 at 2:04 pm
Really like this post!
Though I’m not sure if my ex is in a relationship or not. Regardless, I was always the one to initiate, I have tried reaching out to my ex multiple times. We had talked a few times, though he would never really give me enough to go on (just being friendly?). And when I would try to advance, I still couldn’t get enough out of him or he wouldn’t respond. He did not wish me a happy birthday and did not respond to a happy thanksgiving text. At this point, he is not responding to me.
1. Throughout our relationship he would tell me things like I was his dream girl and he was going to marry me some day. Some of his past realtionships (I believe they were just physical) were with girls in his friend circle. And I’ve thought this before, but did he just put me in the same category as them?
2. It’s been almost 5 months now since he broke up with me, is it a bad thing that he has never tried to reach out to me?
3. The last response I had gotten from him was him sending a picture of himself as a reply to one of my texts and now he has stopped replying to me all together. You said he may be thinking about me a lot still and trying to get a reaction out of me in sending a picture of himself. Is he holding some resentment towards me and completely ignoring me at this point because of it? And why now after we had talked here and there before?
4. Is it time to stop trying? Could it make him want to reach out to me if I just stopped trying?
5. Could I apologize for mistakes I made in our relationship (which may be the reason for his resentment, I don’t know?), do a short NC and see what happens when if I try reaching out again after that?
admin
December 1, 2014 at 3:52 pm
1. Actions always speak louder than words in my opinion.
2. Not ideal but he may be too proud to reach out.
3. Everyone has resentment after a breakup.
4. Only if you think youll be wasting your precious time on him.
5. Do that after you gain some rapport with him.
Kristen
December 1, 2014 at 5:05 pm
1. How do I gain rapport with him when he won’t respond to me?
2. Possible to have enough resentment to stop responding even after we’ve had conversations. Why start ignoring me at this point?
admin
December 2, 2014 at 2:30 pm
First things first, get him to respond to you.
Kristen
December 2, 2014 at 3:26 pm
Seems quite hard at this point. Any text I want to send doesn’t seem quite right because of the fact that he’s hasn’t responded to my last few messages.
1. The last message I sent was on Thanksgiving day, should I wait a little longer than usual to send an inital message to see if he will respond?
2. Also I was just reading some things you wrote on how to create emotional influence, it has me quite confused. How can I create emotional influence, easpecially at a point when he won’t respond to my messages?