Life is a series of choices.
We choose to wake up and get out of bed in the morning as opposed to laying in it all day.
We choose to go left, instead of right.
We choose to date who we want to date.
Or perhaps this one will hit a little closer to home…
Your ex boyfriend chose not to come back to you after your breakup.
But what if I told you that there are certain things that you can do to influence his decision on whether or not he will come back to you?
Would you be interested in hearing about those things?
Yes?
Awesome!
But first, lets start off by talking about the age old question on if he will change his mind and suddenly decide to come back to you.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizIs It Possible For My Ex To Change His Mind And Come Back?
Ok, in case you don’t know who I am….
My name is Chris Seiter and I am a professional relationship consultant specializing in breakups. I am also the founder of Ex Boyfriend Recovery and have helped over 15 million women with their exes in some way shape or form.
Oh, I also like thinking I am superman for some reason,
Which proves I may be a little nutty…
Ok, ok, all kidding aside I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that I know what I am talking about when it comes to exes.
I have seen a lot in my time and I can tell you with certainty that it is possible for an ex boyfriend to suddenly change his mind about the breakup. However, it is very unlikely.
In other words, it’s very, very, very RARE!
Though I suppose you want a percentage since you are doing all this research on the internet.
Ok, if you were to pin me down in a corner I would estimate that 98% of exes won’t change their mind about their breakup without you doing anything.
Which means that 2% will.
Now, I don’t know about you but those aren’t odds I would like to play with.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizSo, I am going to answer the ultimate question you are probably having at this point.
But Chris, how can I raise my odds that he will want me back?
Well, instead of waiting around on the sideline hoping that the magical fairy’s of love land (just made that up :p ) will help you out your are going to have to get involved and change his mind yourself.
Look, I am not going to lie to you.
Generally speaking a certain amount of this is completely out of your control.
You can’t control what he thinks...
You can’t control what he does…
You can’t control him…
But you can influence how he thinks…
And with that influence you can sway his actions…
And that’s what I would like to teach you today.
I would like to teach you how to change his mind so that he comes back to you.
Does that sound like something you’d be interested in?
Yes?
Awesome.
Let’s begin by tackling something I like to call “The Belief Path”
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizThe Belief Path
What I am about to tell you is perhaps the most important thing to grasp if you want to not just change your ex boyfriends mind about you but anyone’s.
Ultimately changing someones mind about something revolves around three components.
Beliefs lead to actions and actions lead to results.
I’ll give you an example.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizYour ex boyfriend currently believes that he doesn’t want you back. Which means that he isn’t going to take any type of action to get you back. Which ultimately means that there will be no type of results relating towards the two of you reconciling.
But it all starts with “belief.”
If a human being doesn’t truly believe that they can get the desired result that they want then they attempt something they aren’t going to take any actions necessary to see results.
Do you see where I am going with this?
If you want to change your ex boyfriends mind about about you then you need to focus on reshaping his belief system.
And believe me when I say that belief systems are amazing.
Nothing illustrates that point better than Roger Bannister.
You see, way back in the day it was thought to be impossible for a human being to break “the four minute mile.”
Basically, people believed that that a human being could not run a mile in under four minutes.
But not Roger Bannister.
You see, he believed that it was possible and from that belief he took actions that ultimately resulted in him running a mile in 3 minutes and 59 seconds (talk about cutting it close.)
But here is perhaps the most important part.
Once human beings saw that it wasn’t impossible to run a four minute mile as a result of Bannister they started believing that they could do it.
And within a year someone else had already broken the 4 minute mile.
Here is the point I am trying to make.
If you really want your ex boyfriend to take the actions that you want him to take (like getting back with you) then you need to hack his belief system to make him believe that it is in his best interest to do so.
How To Hack Your Exes Belief System
So, let’s study beliefs for one minute.
Generally speaking, beliefs come from two sources,
- Self Generated Beliefs
- Externally Generated Beliefs
Let’s take a moment to defines what these two types of beliefs look like.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizSelf Generated Belief: This is a type of belief that one forms on his/her own through their own experience and assumptions
In your exes case he has experienced dating you and has come to his own conclusion for why he doesn’t want to date you.
This is his own self generated belief and if you are going to have any chance of changing his mind about you, you are going to have to learn how to hack this type of belief.
Of course, I always find the next type of belief more interesting.
Externally Generated Belief: This is a type of belief that forms when a person trusts the opinions of others.
I’ll give you an example.
Let’s say that your exes hero is batman.
And batman tells him that it would be a horrible idea to date you and that he should break up with you.
So he does!
Well, he only did that because batman told him to do that.
In other words, someone he trusts and likes shaped his belief that leaving you was a good idea.
Get it?
Ok, well what I’d like to do now is give you an idea of exactly how you can change your exes mind by hacking these two beliefs.
We shall start with self generated beliefs.
Hacking His Self Generated Beliefs
While your ex was dating you he learned certain things about you.
Experience does that.
Some of the things he probably liked but I am betting a lot of things he didn’t like.
Now, when I tell most women that they freak out and tell me to f*ck off.
It always confuses me because I look at it like an opportunity to improve going forward.
Here, I’ll give you a personal example using my wife.
As I dated her I learned that she wasn’t exactly the cleanest person.
She leaves food out…
She doesn’t clean up after herself all the time and sometimes it really gets on my nerves.
After experiencing this for the first few times I created a self generated belief that she just isn’t a clean person.
So, it’s now part of my belief system.
But what if she wanted to change my belief system?
What if she wanted to convince me that I was wrong and that she wasn’t as messy as I thought?
How could she do that?
Simple, she could blow me away by having the house clean every single day.
After that I would revisit my belief and perhaps change my mind about her and that’s what I am going to ask you to do.
I want you to identify your exes negative beliefs about you and turn them upside down.
Of course, you are probably sitting there wondering,
“But how do I know what his negative beliefs of you are?”
I’ll tell you what.
I’ll help you understand what your ex boyfriend is probably thinking and what you need to do about them.
BUT if I help you understand them then I need you to take action.
Deal?
Good!
Negative Thought #1: I Can Do Better Than Her
Weird, right?
The fact that your ex boyfriend probably thinks that he can do better than you.
Some of you may disagree but before you leave Ex Boyfriend Recovery forever give me an opportunity to defend my position.
Whether your ex boyfriend is aware of it or not there are three things that go through his mind when he is deciding on whether he should break up with you.
- How satisfied he is with the relationship
- If he can do better than you
- How much he has invested into your relationship
If he comes to the conclusion that he isn’t very satisfied with you, that he can probably do better and that he hasn’t invested too much time into the relationship then he is probably going to leave that relationship.
But I’d like you to turn your attention to number two in the list above.
He thinks he can do better than you…
Personally speaking it’s a thought I have had in every single one of my breakups.
Eventually I would literally think,
“Pssh… I can totally do better than her.”
And it’s something that is shaping your exes belief system.
So, what can you do if he is having this negative thought?
Simple, prove to him that he can’t do better than you.
Negative Thought #2: She Will Beg For Me Back
Did I ever tell you the story of my very first breakup?
No?
Well, it’s a good one.
So basically I was in a really toxic relationship for 9 months.
Now, I am not saying that I was a saint in the relationship. In fact, I was far from it.
I was young…
Immature…
And an pretty much an as*hole some of the time…
But she was no saint either.
Anyways, for 9 long months we clung to each other making each other crazy.
Eventually in a fit of rage I texted her two simple words,
Now, here is where things get interesting.
When I sent her that text the two of us were in the middle of a very bad fight.
So, when I sent her the words “I’m Done…” I actually meant that I was done with the conversation, not the relationship.
Unaware that I had just broken up with her I texted her a couple of hours later hoping that she had cooled off so we could smooth things over.
That’s when it hit me like a ton of bricks.
She had taken “I’m Done” the wrong way and this was my one chance to smooth it over.
I was at a crossroads.
On the one hand, I could try to smooth things over with her and hope that we could continue our super toxic relationship. On the other hand, I could let it go and be free from the burden that the relationship was having on me.
Our entire relationship flashed through my eyes.
Sure, I remembered some good moments but most of the moments towards the end were bad.
Things had grown so toxic that it had gotten to the point that I was losing myself.
I felt like I was being used.
So, I let her go.
I didn’t try to tell her the truth of what I had meant.
I simply let it be and didn’t respond to her.
And that’s when I had a singular thought that I think you’ll find fascinating.
“Besides, she’ll probably end up begging for me back.”
It was this self generated belief that made it ok for me to walk away. In the back of my mind I knew that she would want to try again.
I knew that when she went out to experience what other guys were like she would come to realize how good she had it with me.
And that’s actually what happened.
She ended up dating a guy who she was obsessed with, even when we were dating, and came to find out that things weren’t as good as they were with me.
Eventually she started reaching back to to me with texts like,
This made me believe that I could get her back whenever I wanted and while you would think that, that would be an incredible turn on, it wasn’t.
The opposite occurred, in fact.
I was turned off by her.
Now, you may be sitting there and wondering,
“Why is he telling me this story?”
I want it to be a lesson for you.
If your ex boyfriend broke up with you then he thinks he is in a position of power and usually he is.
He knows that you might still have a thing for him and that you want him back.
So, when you engage in behavior that feeds that belief he isn’t going to think,
“I miss her so much…”
Instead, he is going to think,
“I already knew that…”
And move on.
In other words, don’t feed his self generated belief.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz
Negative Thought #3: I Don’t Love Her Anymore
I want you to understand something.
Your ex boyfriend has probably convinced himself that he doesn’t love you anymore.
It hurts, doesn’t it?
To hear that truth.
But does it mean that you have no chance of changing his mind about the breakup?
Nope.
Actually if you do two things you have a really good chance of changing his mind on this “love business.”
Have you ever heard of something called “The Peak-End Rule?”
This concept is going to be essential for you to kickstart his heart,
So, “The Peak End Rule” basically states that when a human being thinks back on an experience they don’t remember it as a start to finish experience. Instead, two points stand out to them.
- The peak of the experience (meaning the height of it.)
- And the end of the experience (meaning, in your case, the lead up to the breakup.)
I’d like to turn your attention above to the story I told about my very first breakup.
Do you remember the part where I mentioned that “my entire relationship with my ex flashed in front of my eyes?”
Do you remember how I made mention of the fact that I remembered some of the good moments but mostly moments that were bad towards the end.
This is “The Peak End Rule” in effect.
When I remembered my relationship with my ex the bad stuff towards the end far outweighed the good stuff in the middle.
But can you imagine if the opposite had occurred.
Can you imagine if instead of remembering more of the toxic end, I remembered the glorious beginning?
My life may have very well been different than it is right now.
I may have actively tried to get her back.
Look, here is what I am trying to say.
If you want to change your exes mind about you then you need to reinforce the best parts of your relationship by bringing up similar feelings that he felt during the peak of the relationship.
Externally Generated Beliefs
And now we move on to externally generated beliefs.
Personally speaking, this is the most underused and under talked about belief hack I have ever seen before.
So, what are externally generated beliefs?
An externally generated belief is a belief that you accumulate through the experiences or beliefs of others. Usually, from someone you look up to, admire or trust.
Remember the batman example I gave above?
Anyways, at this point you are probably wondering how you can hack your exes external beliefs.
Well, in order for me to explain that to you I must first explain this idea of a sphere of influence.
What Is A Sphere Of Influence?
There are a select number of individuals that your ex trusts above all.
This select number of individuals make up your exes sphere of influence.
It’s basically the group of people who your ex takes advice from and listens to. In other words, they have a huge impact on his beliefs.
Hmm…
Perhaps I should get a little more technical here.
Ok, since I am a man and you are probably interested in getting your ex back (who is a man) let’s look at my sphere of influence.
When I look at my life there are really four forces I can think of that make up my externally generated beliefs.
- My Wife
- My Family
- My Friends
- My Idols
Here, take a look at the graphic below,
All of these things have a huge impact on my belief system.
So, here is the question I submit to you.
If you were to try to hack my externally generated beliefs what would you do?
Well, ideally what you would do is get all of the people/groups pictured above to say nice things about you. Thus, affecting hacking my belief system.
It’s like a good ad.
You don’t have to make a sale every time someone sees your ad. All that matters is you plant the idea of a sale or get your brand recognized with the intent of getting a sale down the road.
Now, I don’t talk about this a lot because I like to protect the privacy of everyone who is a member but I actually have a private Facebook group. It’s probably the thing that I am most proud of because I have a direct line of communication to you guys and I truly feel like I am helping people.
How do you get access to this private group?
Simple, you need to buy the premium package of PRO here but I am not telling you this to pitch you anything.
Here’s what’s important.
In the group we have a woman who I believe has done a marvelous job of hacking her exes external belief system.
You see, our girl went through a break up with her ex and he did the thing all idiot men seem to do… he got a new girlfriend.
Of course, this is where things get really interesting.
Her ex is really close to his family. In other words, they are in his sphere of influence and they keep telling him how he made a mistake dating this new girl because she’s always seeming depressed and is kind of mean.
So, without even intending to hack her exes sphere of influence our girl did just that.
She actually has the family actively campaigning for him to break up with his current girlfriend and it seems like he is on the verge of doing so.
In fact, if I was a betting man I would say it’s just a matter of time.
Emelia
November 11, 2019 at 11:26 am
Me and my partner were dating for 8 months. I wanting to break up with him because I thought he was acting selfish, immature and careless. He wanted a break 3 months before we broke up. He knew I would struggle with this more than him. He wanted space to think about how he felt about me. However, occasionally he would come round, we’d have a great time, the connection was always there and it felt right. We both knew we had deep feelings for each other. Even though he wanted space, he’d ask for sex.
I sent him an angry text and then said “goodbye” he was drunk when he received this, he told me he immediately sobered up and went home.
The next day, I asked him to come over, so we could talk this through. I told him how he has been making me feel and he didn’t know how to respond, he acted quietly angry. He was known to shut off his emotions and during this argument, he tried very hard to. He was shaking.
He kept telling me he cared about me and wanted this to work but I wanted security. I acted forceful and that is why he wanted to leave to calm down.
And how he couldn’t deal with me complaining to him about not wanting to see me, since he was already going through a lot. Which I understand is my own fault.
During this argument I accidentally told him I loved him and didn’t want this break up. He didn’t respond. I asked “I’m not your girl anymore am I?” he didn’t respond. I asked “we’re really broken up aren’t we?” he muttered “yeah, I guess we are broken up.”
He later told me is was better to act like he didn’t care because he was getting less pissed off and how he didn’t care that he turns everything he touches to shit.
The last words we said to each other were “let it go” “I can’t it hurts too much.”
Right now, I hope he is able to calm down and talk to me after our no contact because I have honestly never felt like this before
Kay
August 8, 2019 at 9:20 pm
I was with my ex for 4 1/2 years. This was both of our first real long term relationships. We had a great connection, always laughing and communicating with each other on a daily basis. We had a lot of the same interests and never really argued, a few niggles here and there but nothing major. We always called each other soulmates and said we’d be lost without each other. We had plans of moving in together in the future.
At the time I got together with my ex a traumatic event happened in my life which I still to this day feel like I haven’t dealt with properly which I am beginning to work through now. My ex stuck with me through that, making the effort to make me happy everyday and I appreciate him for that. I know this event changed me in a way where I would lash out at him over the slightest things, not at the start of the relationship but more so up until a year ago I would let the little things bother me. I see that now. Two weeks to the day is when we split. I had called him up to see how he was doing and to check if he’d still be coming over for the night and the next thing it seemed like he was trying to cause an argument and stated over the phone he did not want to be in a relationship anymore and that he thinks it’s all started going downhill. He kept asking me what I thought about him saying we should end it and I just didn’t really know what to say as I did not take it seriously at first, it’s the first I’ve heard him mention anything like this. His reasons for wanting to split were that he could not deal with the way I act anymore, he doesn’t want to feel closed in and he doesn’t want to deal with all the things that come with a relationship. He said he remembers how it used to be, I’m assuming he means not being in a relationship and living the single life. He has told me he has had enough and he has made his decision, it’s not going to change. He also said he has been thinking about this for 2 – 3 months. I told him that I wish he communicated how he felt as we wouldn’t be in this situation now.
I admit I text and called him a few days following the break up to try and meet up so we could talk properly, to which he has refused and told me we both just have to ‘accept it’ and then he just ignored my follow up messages. I left it a week to give him some space and contacted once again to see if he would be willing to talk and he ignored me again so I haven’t contacted since and I don’t plan to.
It’s just a lot of years and effort to throw away. He told me he loved me and cares for me and things are good when we’re okay but he just doesn’t want any of it anymore.
He recently got back in contact with his old friends who he hasn’t bothered with for a while and I see that he has made various social media accounts to get back in contact with other people. Whether this is all him feeling trapped from being in a relationship for so long and just wanting to get some space I don’t know. But I just feel like he doesn’t plan on contacting me ever again after all the years we shared together.
Mina
May 13, 2019 at 6:05 pm
Hi my boyfriend and I dated for 4 and half months. He is 35 years old and I’m 32. When we met he told me he’s practicing to join Military band and he has couple of auditions coming up. We talked couple of times every day on the phone and met once or twice during the week. I asked him couple of times what happens if he gets the job in military? (He has to move to DC if he got the job) and he told me I should pack up my stuff and go with him. For him to get these jobs were a fantasy, they are his dream jobs. HE was practicing every day and I was very patient with him and every morning I sent him Inspirational memes and quotes to help him to go though his training. He was keep telling me how much he appreciates me, how thoughtful and sweet I am.We both were happy during the entire relationship, no fighting at all, he told me once that he could fall in love with me easy but he wants to get to know me better before that happens. I met his parents 2 months after we dated and couple of times after that. They are in love with me. He also met my family 3 weeks ago and they love him as well. He’s a great guy. 2 weeks ago he went to DC to audition for the job and he got the job and will have to go through the basic training for 8 weeks and half and then will move to DC to start his job, I also have to mention that he can’t get out of his job for 4 years. I wanted to talk to him about us since he’s moving away. I saw all the hard ship we will go through but I also was trying to find solutions and I came up with the long distance relationship. When he came back home I sensed a change in his attitude and I even told him I’ll come and visit and he said: No, he’ll come and visit. Finally he came over 3 days ago to “Hang out”, he asked me to sit down and that was the moment I knew! but first I gave him a gift for him getting the job of his dream and he got very happy and thanked me. So finally talked to me about he’s going away and he’s packing his stuff and is going to stay with his parents( they live in a different city) then going to boot camp in 2 months and described this whole new life that is waiting for him in DC. He told me how much his family loves me. he loves my family and how he was planning to hang out with me once he was done auditions, but getting this job changed everything and it’s the best to break up and he can’t do long distance relationship because of the short period of time was dated, and it’s not enough to do a long distance relationship, if we dated for a year we’d have a different conversation. He also told me that I was the sweetest and thoughtful girl he dated. I tried to persuade him into give long distance relationship a chance but I failed! He needs me to be there physically to be there. He told me that when he was asking his parents for an advice, he told them that he can’t find a single thing wrong with me, the only 2 reasons for the break up is the distance and the short period of time. He also told me he doesn’t want to give me false hope but “whatever meant to happen it will”. When I saw there’s no way to change his mind, I suggested that we can stay friends and get to know each others, talk when we can, visit when we can this way we’ll get to know each others and see what happens. He said ok but he will give me some space first. We kissed couple of times after that, talked and he left. I sent him a text thanking him for having the decency to come over and wished him the best and hoped we could stay friends. He replies by thanking me, and glad I handled it mature and with grace and we will talk more and he thoroughly enjoyed our time! I talked to his mom and she told me to give him some space for him to maybe he realizes how special I am. what should I do? Do you think he’ll come back? He’s leaving for his parent’s house in 2 months, then off to basic training for 2 and half months, then DC. I know time makes everything right, but what can I do meanwhile? I was thinking to do NC, but for how long? I know basic training will be tough, should I write him letters with only inspirational quotes? Please advice on how I can get him back 🙁 It’s hard when you date guys that are jerks and a good person comes out of the blue and he leaves 🙁
Mina
May 13, 2019 at 6:03 pm
Hi, Also I’m 32 years old and he’s 35 years old.
Mina
May 13, 2019 at 6:02 pm
Hello
Mina Hakimzadeh
May 13, 2019 at 5:39 pm
Hi my boyfriend and I dated for 4 and half months. When we met he told me he’s practicing to join Military band and he has couple of auditions coming up. We talked couple of times every day on the phone and met once or twice during the week. I asked him couple of times what happens if he gets the job in military? (He has to move to DC if he got the job) and he told me I should pack up my stuff and go with him. For him to get these jobs were a fantasy, they are his dream jobs. HE was practicing every day and I was very patient with him and every morning I sent him Inspirational memes and quotes to help him to go though his training. He was keep telling me how much he appreciates me, how thoughtful and sweet I am.We both were happy during the entire relationship, no fighting at all, he told me once that he could fall in love with me easy but he wants to get to know me better before that happens. I met his parents 2 months after we dated and couple of times after that. They are in love with me. He also met my family 3 weeks ago and they love him as well. He’s a great guy. 2 weeks ago he went to DC to audition for the job and he got the job and will have to go through the basic training for 8 weeks and half and then will move to DC to start his job, I also have to mention that he can’t get out of his job for 4 years. I wanted to talk to him about us since he’s moving away. I saw all the hard ship we will go through but I also was trying to find solutions and I came up with the long distance relationship. When he came back home I sensed a change in his attitude and I even told him I’ll come and visit and he said: No, he’ll come and visit. Finally he came over 3 days ago to “Hang out”, he asked me to sit down and that was the moment I knew! but first I gave him a gift for him getting the job of his dream and he got very happy and thanked me. So finally talked to me about he’s going away and he’s packing his stuff and is going to stay with his parents( they live in a different city) then going to boot camp in 2 months and described this whole new life that is waiting for him in DC. He told me how much his family loves me. he loves my family and how he was planning to hang out with me once he was done auditions, but getting this job changed everything and it’s the best to break up and he can’t do long distance relationship because of the short period of time was dated, and it’s not enough to do a long distance relationship, if we dated for a year we’d have a different conversation. He also told me that I was the sweetest and thoughtful girl he dated. I tried to persuade him into give long distance relationship a chance but I failed! He needs me to be there physically to be there. He told me that when he was asking his parents for an advice, he told them that he can’t find a single thing wrong with me, the only 2 reasons for the break up is the distance and the short period of time. He also told me he doesn’t want to give me false hope but “whatever meant to happen it will”. When I saw there’s no way to change his mind, I suggested that we can stay friends and get to know each others, talk when we can, visit when we can this way we’ll get to know each others and see what happens. He said ok but he will give me some space first. We kissed couple of times after that, talked and he left. I sent him a text thanking him for having the decency to come over and wished him the best and hoped we could stay friends. He replies by thanking me, and glad I handled it mature and with grace and we will talk more and he thoroughly enjoyed our time! I talked to his mom and she told me to give him some space for him to maybe he realizes how special I am. what should I do? Do you think he’ll come back? He’s leaving for his parent’s house in 2 months, then off to basic training for 2 and half months, then DC. I know time makes everything right, but what can I do meanwhile? I was thinking to do NC, but for how long? I know basic training will be tough, should I write him letters with only inspirational quotes? Please advice on how I can get him back 🙁 It’s hard when you date guys that are jerks and a good person comes out of the blue and he leaves 🙁
Green
May 1, 2019 at 5:09 pm
Hi Chris,
He said he need time apart, we have not met in 6 months and we spoke a month ago.we still chatted and he was very cold. I begged him did all he wanted but he still acted cold. He wanted space and time. He said i should b patient. Ive told him i will not msg or call unless he did. And wpuld wait for sometime but not sure how long. Its been 2 weeks and he has not responded. What should i do. Has he moved on.
Heather
April 30, 2019 at 3:20 pm
My boyfriend just broke up with me on Thursday night. We were together 11 months, lived together for 9 of those. We are both stubborn people which caused us to butt heads sometimes. I didn’t understand certain things he did and vice versa. I asked him if we could make it work without living together and he said no. We have a dog together and I let him keep him because they have a better bond than I do with the dog. But of course, I want to still me the dog’s “mom”. So we agreed that if my ex needed someone to help walk the dog before or after work that I could do it. He also gave me “30 days” to move out and get my stuff”. I have moved out but I still have belongings there which I’m working on retrieving as soon as possible. I have asked him to think about making it work and he would be very vague saying that I need to be the best me I can and find peace. But then I’ll get a text like last night saying “You left so quick now I’m so lonely”. So my hope is in all different directions. Do I have any at all?
Bry
April 19, 2019 at 3:45 pm
Okay so me and my ex girlfriend broke up in December. She said she wanted to stay in touch but needed time. I did the no contact rule for several months, reaching out to her about a month or so ago. She was friendly at first, but then said she needed more time. Recently, she blocked me and told my friend that she was tired of me constantly messaging her because she really doesn’t think we’re going to get back together. I’ve fallen for her, head over heels. Our relationship wasn’t the best before, and I’ve realised that I need to get help with my clingy-ness and emotional dependency on people, as that was the reason for our breakup and her not wanting to get back together with me. Do you honestly think, that we have some sort of chance of being together if I get my issues sorted out? Do you think that the spark could be re-lighted and we could have another chance? Or is it too late, and I’ve already blown my chances? I love this girl so so so much and I honestly couldn’t picture falling in love and having a future with someone else.
alanna
April 12, 2019 at 11:30 am
My now ex after pulling away for 2 weeks eventually quite coldly ( on the phone- he wanted to see me in person but I asked to jump on the phone) admitted he didn’t see a future with me and it was sad as he had high hopes after we had a wonderful 5 months together. I didn’t react to him in a negative way but respected his decision, (even though shocked as I thought him pulling away was due to stress with his ex-wife and had given him space, also when I had asked him if there was an issue, he said everything was ok), at all and implemented NC. He has some belongings of mine he wants to return in person but I said I was travelling with work and he said to let him know when I was available. If he has said he doesn’t see a future, is this changeable depending on my actions, will he change his mind or is it usually pretty much a final thing. It seems so final the way he said it as if he had deliberated and decided on this a good few weeks before this…any advice appreciated.
?
April 5, 2019 at 10:28 pm
That was an horrible way of ending ♀️ That was contradicting theory. But if he wants to leave then you gotta let him leave.
Abby
February 11, 2019 at 4:19 pm
Hi,
This guy and I dated for 4 months. We were head over heels into each other and in fact in the beginning, he was the one who wanted to text all the time and he constantly asked personal questions because , he said, he wanted to get to know me and because it wasn’t just something casual. However we had a lot of differences, including politically and socially. He comes from a small conservative town and I’m a liberal city girl. However, I never saw these differences as bad. I also suffered from depression and anxiety and towards the end, turned to him for support. But he kind of got scared and left. One day he told me that he needed space to think, that he didn’t know if it was permanent and the next day I heard him tell a mutual friend he was done. I blew him up 1. I was mad he didn’t tell me and 2. I was hurt and I was begging him. He’s told me he’s done and it’s for good. I still have the hope that he’ll change his mind but is there even a point? I’m now trying NC.
Chris Seiter
February 11, 2019 at 11:31 pm
Hi Abby!
Sometimes guys get scared and impulsive and do and say foolish things. I think NC is a good choice. Be sure to follow my Program carefully in implementing NC and all the rest. Visit my home page to see some of the resources available to you!
Dolly
January 21, 2019 at 8:34 am
Me and my ex were together for almost two years. We are still in contact everyday. Reason for our «break-up» is that i am a western girl, and he is an indian boy. He told me some days ago that he had to marry someone else because of parents. We are still very much in love. So how can i hack his external believe system (parents), to make him see that there is a better life for him with me, than with a girl he only have meet 3 times.
Amanda
November 21, 2018 at 3:31 am
I already tried talking to him about the peak end stuff and it didn’t help. The external thing isn’t going to work because the only mutual friend we have that could influence him refuses to get involved. I don’t know what to do.
Tessie
November 7, 2018 at 5:33 pm
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. We have had a roller coaster of emotions of fights and insecurities due to his ex wife. They coparent. But their kids are 19 and 21. So it’s been hard for me to handle as she controls so much of that family and I let my insecurities get in the way instead of trusting my man to take Care of it himself. Well here we are two weeks ago got into a huge argument and he said he’s numb and can’t do this anymore. I did the awful thing of begging for another chance. He said I will try but don’t think it’s fair to you. So last night he said he feels bad and I’m sorry. I said “?” He said his mind hasn’t changed. So basically he’s done. Is there a chance for us? Do I do the NC rule? We have bills together. I am at a loss I love this man so much and saw a future with him. Any advice would be helpful
Chris Seiter
November 8, 2018 at 3:04 am
As I get into with my eBook “PRO”, it is a limited no contact in those situations when you need to communicate for non personal reasons.
Kayla Simon
October 14, 2018 at 11:18 pm
Hello,
I was dating this guy for 10 months I have never been more in love with anyone. And I am almost certain that the feeling was mutual. However I became very jealous towards the end of the relationship and constantly fought with him. Last week we were fighting over text and I told him he was a liar and I was done. Saying this in the moment it was just because I was mad. The next day I texted him expecting for him to forgive me. He told me though that he has already moved on and I proceeded to tell him that was impossible to move on in less than 24 hours. I called him later that night but it was clear he did not want to talk to me. He told me he just was not sure anymore and that he needed a few days to think and to give him space so I did exactly that. After around four days he still had not reached so I did then he told me that he was sorry but he has just moved on with his life and he likes someone else now. I made the mistake of begging and pleading last night. I am absolutely crushed and am willing to do anything to get him back I am begging you to please help me, what can I do to get him back?
Chris Seiter
October 15, 2018 at 3:05 am
Hi Kayla!
Sounds like a lot fighting and accusations. Maybe you both could use some space. Take a look at picking up my 247 page ebook, “The No Contact Rule book” which helps with understanding and implementing the NC process.
Candace
October 7, 2018 at 12:29 am
I have one for you…my ex and I were together a year and 1/2. We were looking to buy a house together.. we also work together I should mention (not directly, but I have to see him every day)… he took some vacation time because he was working a lot of OT. One day I text him, no response…I called, no answer. The next day we had an appt. To look at two houses. I text and asked if we were going..he said he cancelled already, I immediately called him to get no answer.. I basically told him I can take a hint and have a nice life. A couple days later I reached out and he said he was so sorry and would do anything to have me in his arms every night and asked if I felt the same way, with which I responded of course I do..he told me also he had gone to the lawyers office to discuss the trial that is coming up soon (his son was killed in a car accident in Dec of 2014) and he had to relive the experience..we talked a bit and then the next day which was Sunday we texted a few times and that night got into a little tiff and he thought I was mad that he had gone out with his other son and the deceased sons friends.. which I was not all. I never tried telling him what he could and couldn’t do. I should mention here that we never fought or argued not one time.. we always had a good time together. I should also mention that the last two women he lived with were horrible..so anyway, monday at work, he dumps me.. I waited a week and at lunch one night asked him to meet me up in the lot to talk after work.. he told me he shouldn’t be with anyone right now..it wasnt me it was him..then his best friends wife told me his words were that I don’t like to do things..which Is crazy we always did things…maybe I could’ve hung out with him on game day more often at his friends but he knows I hate football.. I deleted him from FB and he blocked me a week later. I will admit that I have texted him once a week since (it’s been a month and a week) and have gotten no responses.. yes some texts were not so nice.. and emotionally charged.. no name calling or cussing or anything…but still. One day I called and left a VM stating I didnt know if he blocked me so I was calling to ask him to talk. 2 days later he tells me hed never block me..ok great so ur purposely avoiding me.. I just said does me no good if u dont repl..to which he said I been real busy! He is still working a lot of OT, but really? So the other night I sent one last text apologizing for the emotionally charged texts and that he made a decision and I have to accept there is nothing left to fight for.. and wished him all the best.. we are both 46 …idk if that makes a difference..but do I still have any chance?
Chris Seiter
October 7, 2018 at 3:27 am
Hi Candace!
You sure did have one for me. A lot going on! You might want to look into no contact. Visit my home page and you tap into the resources I offer that walks you thru my program!
Emma
October 5, 2018 at 6:42 pm
So this is a complicated one. Me and my boyfriend were together nearly 7 years. After about 2 years i started suffering with severe ocd. It was very hard on us and our relationship and I kept promising i would get better but it was very gradual and due to the effects it impacted on him mentally a great deal and he had a breakdown and broke up with me. He said that if he’d stayed any longer he would have committed suicide, and he stayed with me so long as he loved me so much. But because of what he went through he loves me but wasnt in love with me.
Now to start with we were texting a lot, and i saw him a lot. No sex. Just going for food and coffees and the like. But after about 4 weeks of thishe couldnt do it any more. I think it got too hard for him as he still loves me but needs to protect himself and i think it was hard him not seeing me. We have now had no contact for a week. Is there any chance of sorting this or have i done too much damage? I still have a very close relationship with his mum and sister although i think with them seeing how ill he is because of the split and what he went through with my ocd they wouldnt sway him towards dating me again even if i did get better just in case the same thing happened again. They think the world of me and they know i wasnt doing anything out of malice.
Chris Seiter
October 5, 2018 at 9:06 pm
HI Emma!
Yes…7 years is meaningful. Give you traction you can pull from going forward. Lots of folks of OCD so that is in no way a deal breaker. Giving each some space is probably good medicine. Give him time to reflect more on all the positve things you have brought to the relationship over the years. You can, if you have not already, explore various treatments to help with managing your OCD.
Patricia
September 24, 2018 at 3:33 am
My boyfriend broke up with me after about a year. It wasnt really clear when he did it, I just kept asking if we can get back in the future or so, and he was giving very serious nos. We were both crying and he thinks its whats best for the both of us.
I was very clingy and jealous in the relationship and I was getting worse the past months leading to the break up. He also brought up how he couldnt get over my past (he hates my ex, and I had an abortion). Hes been thinking about breaking up with me for 2 or 3 months, and did it 12 days ago. What led to it was when I fought him about still being friends on Facebook with a girl he slept with while we were unexclusively dating.
I had a party planned, and he was originally supposed to go because it was sort of a small reunion as well. He ended up going and by the end of the night he had his arm around me and i was beside him on the couch. 2 days later I ended up in his place drunk cuz i needed a charger and we bumped into each other and he offered. Not very sure what I said but a lot of “I would rather do this or that than break up.”
After that I completely stopped being in contact with him. Its been 7 days since. One time he saw me with mutual friends; I saw him hide at first with his close friends, but a few minutes later, he approached me and placed his arm around me and kissed my cheek and forhead, and I was trying to be very civil. I think it was obvious that I was pretty smitten though. He kept his hand there for the whole conversation. He watches my stories on insta, and he messaged me once, reacting to my story, but I ignored it, I didnt even “seen” it. 2 days ago he called me and I was asleep so I missed it, but i messaged him and said apologized, saying I was asleep, so he asked if he can call, and i said yeah, then he just called to greet me a happy birthday.
Im not sure when I should get my things from his place? Im not sure how that happens during the NC. Im hoping the NC is working. Ive told his friends ill be focusing on me and things I want to do but some of them do know I am still a bit sad. His mom liked me but I dont know where she stands now. His siblings found me pretty, but I think his family stays out of his business with relationships.
I feel like the problems we have can be worked on by giving space. I hope this turns out well. I know he still really cares for me and my gut tells me he still loves me, and I love him.
Chris Seiter
September 25, 2018 at 3:08 am
Hi Patricia!
Certainly being clingy and jealous are not good things, but look, its hard to deal with a breakup and we all end up following that behavioral pattern. Don’t worry about this things. You focus on your NC and follow it the way I discuss in my eBooks as there is so much more to this process than people realize.
Natasha
August 4, 2018 at 2:06 pm
Hi my ex boyfriend left me last month because he is lost but doesn’t know who he is anymore… we where together for almost 3 years and I waited for him for a year. We lived together for a year and a half aswell so my stuff is still at his house. When we broke up he was crying and said this is also hard for him. He’s very much into fitness and has this goal to compete one day and there is no one else In his life. And hasnt got many friends either besides his best friend and well me..but I miss him so much and still have a breakdown now and then. He has not blocked me off anything but only unfriend me off Facebook but still posts stuff to try get my attention last time I saw him was 3 weeks ago where he fetched me at midnight just to come over and all that and again he didn’t want a relationship yet still wants to sleep with me so I felt hurt and obviously said to him it was wrong. So since then we havent seen eachother or spoken. How do i get him to come back to me.. he’s not an emotional person but besides crying in front of me a few times. I feel he’s confused. And I know I have to have patience in this process it just hurts alot
Chris Seiter
August 5, 2018 at 2:34 am
Hi Natasha!
Seems like your ex is trying to figure himself out. I agree…it is best to take this slow. Best to start in with no contact because clearly he seems to think its OK to just sleep with you, without any commitment. Focus on your on healing and use the process I teach that goes along with the NC principle. Visit my website’s home page to learn more. I have books, podcasts, videos, all sorts of tools you can make use of.