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Sheila
February 21, 2017 at 5:00 pm
Hi ex-boyfriend recovery team!
I need help…
My man and I were best friends for close to 2 years before we decided to try for a relationship in december of 2016. We’ve always been amazingly great with each other and share the same sense of humor, principles, morals etc I started thinking that this was it!
Until February when he seemed to be more distant after a vacation away. I brought it up to him, asking if what we had was something special or not. After delaying the conversation for days (so unlike us), he tells me that he’s not sure if there truly is more outside of us being great friends. He noted that I wasn’t very good at enaging him throughout the day; i work crazy hours and thought it was sufficient to check-in in the morning and at night, but he didnt agree im learning. He also skipped out on sending me flowers for valentines day which is something he’s done in the past even when I was with someone else. He also said we started butting heads a lot over things which he would think I would know him better than to take personal.
I explained to him that I couldnt hold him to the same standards that i did when we were just friends. I let him know that he had gotten too comfortable with the way our relationship was. I told him he wasnt the same person that chased me down for 2 years till he got me.
I told him I would pull back for a bit and initiated no contact. Im 10 days in and it sucks :(. But Ive been working on myself and posting pictures. Even got a better phone which is something he had been telling me to do. My old phone would cause me to miss a lot of his calls and messages which would sometimes lead to issues.
I think one of our issues is that we havent been intimate yet so it’s hard to see ourselves in a new light when nothing really has changed. He lives in a different state and I planned to surprise him for his birthday in a month.
Im ready to initiate contacy again, if you advice that thats okay. And be better at communicating but still hold him to the same standards and see where it leads.
Is there hope for us?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 22, 2017 at 8:21 pm
Hi Shella,
If he didn’t see you as someone being more than just a friend and you’ve been talking for 2 years, you really need to improve a lot. Date others too, but after nc, it’s too early to pop up suddenly at his place. Rebuild rapport first.
Emily
February 14, 2017 at 7:16 pm
Dated my ex in college for a year but we broke up because distance was really hard. He immediately started dating someone after we broke up, they lasted for 3 years. A few months after they broke up we reconnected (by chance). Tried to take it slow but it we jumped back into our old relationship. Which was perfect, never fought, get along great, families were supportive etc. After a few months he was about to go back to grad school (long distance again), I asked if he was ready. It sparked a lot of fear in him. He didn’t know if he was ready for a relationship. He was scared of hurting me again and broke it off. After an emotional phone conversation I tried to reach out to him a few times and make peace/have closure but he didn’t want to talk again. He told me he said everything he wanted to say and is still in the same place as he was when we broke up. We haven’t talked since November. What do I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 14, 2017 at 9:51 pm
Hi Emily,
Since November? If you are going to attempt to rebuild rapport, did you improve yourself in the past months and were you active in posting in social media?
Kari
February 9, 2017 at 11:40 pm
Hi, I’m looking for some advice. My ex broke up with me out of the blue almost 6 weeks ago. Before that he was completely committed. We had a wonderful and healthy relationship for 7 months and he went above and beyond with the little things to show me how much he loved me every day. I had no doubt in my mind how much he loved me. We were even going to move in together in a few months (his idea). The week prior to the break up he was even committing to (expensive and non-refundable) trips for 7-9 months ahead of time and told his parents about our plans to move in, which makes no sense. There were absolutely no signs: he wasn’t distancing himself, we weren’t fighting, we were still intimate. It happened the day of a hiking trip he had planned (obviously didn’t go) and 7 days before another longer trip we had planned (he had to pay me back hundreds of dollars). The break up was dragged out over a month (by him), we talked a total of 3 times and he still couldn’t give me any legitimate reasons. His friends and family were just as shocked as me. He completely withdrew from everyone and deleted all social media. Side note: he lost a job that he loved few months ago and ended up with a new job that he hates. He is also in a lot of debt and I have a feeling because of all of this it seems like he’s going through a life crisis type thing and freaking out. Anyway, I tried to be mature and amicable about the whole thing. After the first 2 talks he still seemed lost and confused so I gave him complete space for 2 weeks. Eventually I had to force him to talk for my own sanity. I didn’t really beg or plead for him back, I was just looking for answers. He kept saying he couldn’t commit, that our relationship was stressful (which I don’t see how because we never fought, I never pressured him in any way, and I made sure to let him set the pace for the relationship), and that he needs to be alone. He also said he wanted to “leave the state” (news to me) and it just sounded like he was running away from all of his problems. I finally put my foot down and stopped looking for an answer. After another week passed, I had to force him to give me my stuff back because he was putting it off. When he finally dropped off my stuff, we made small talk but avoided talking about the break up. He told me he was leaving the apartment he shares with his friends and moving back home for a while to save money and pay off debts…. which I know must be a big blow to him because he’s one of those guys that takes so much pride in being independent. That was two weeks ago and I haven’t spoken to him since. I’m just still so confused by everything and I’m hoping you have some insight on whats going on and what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 10, 2017 at 4:52 pm
Hi Kari,
It looks like he thinks moving in is just another responsibility when he cant even handle his life and he has related you to that.. the thing is you’ve done short NCs already, the more you do nc the less it can help.. So, I think your best chance is to do a 45 days one, take this as a restart, have your own routine and then slowly rebuild rapport after
Ariana
February 9, 2017 at 3:22 pm
Hi I would like some advice. This guy and I have been a thing for almost 10 months. Like every relationship there’s been arguments and what not but not very many. About a month a go he became really distant short texts to not texting. I only saw him one time in that month and would ask if he would like to hang out he would always have some excuse. It was weird because we would see each other pretty often and talk all the time. And the day we did see each other it was perfectly fine. Then he switched up again and stopped and continued being the same way. Now this guy and I have been friends for awhile he was my bestfriend back in high school. And a few days ago I got extremely tired of all this and ask if he actually liked me he said he does and then a few days later I said what’s up with you you’re so different and it bothering me and if he wanted to continue our relationship. He just says he’s focused which I understand I mean he had college and work so I say okay I’ll wait until you’re ready. Then he says “maybe you should move on I feel bad for holding you back.” Which I was pretty upset because I’ve just wanted him for the longest time and again I ask do you have feelings for me? And he responds “idk I thought I did” and at this point I’m pretty much freaking out and getting my heart crushed in a blender. And I asked why doesn’t know and why it changed he said it was because the longer he thought about it we have less things in common but the things he listed were so small and we worked out so well fast forward a few messages later of me telling him that I wanted him and how much I liked him he said he wasn’t feeling it anymore and fast forward a few more about us discussing our relationship and me being a bit mad I asked so do you want to end things? He responds idk and I respond with I can’t go off idks lol and he responds with I really don’t know. So I was like well and he responded with yup then I responded with so what now? And he never responded so at this moment I was really upset I decided to give him want he wanted and give him time to clear his mind and for me I’m all about closure so I send a text saying “let’s just stop this for now if you want a relationship with me you have my number ” along with a “in case we don’t talk about text” that had all your general I hope you do well thank you for the relationship I love you and wish you to be happy even if it isn’t with me and I tell him happy early valentines and happy birthday in case I don’t say happy birthday to him after all this (his birthday is next month) he doesn’t respond till the next day which doesn’t make sense because usually if you aren’t wanting to talk to someone you would just stop texting after A text like that is sent he responds with a “I just doesn’t seem fair to you” and I say what he says “ Me asking you to wait for me. Like idk, that’s why I said maybe we should stop” I just said oh I see because I was honestly confused then I see him In the college book store a few hours later I’m not sure if he saw me because he didn’t look at me or he was ignoring me then I send a text “ig we don’t say hi to each other anymore right” he says he didn’t see me and said why I didn’t go say hi and I said because idk if you wanted to talk to me because you didn’t even make eye contact and he says oh I didn’t know you were there im serious ( I find the book store part really weird because it was such a thing a weird time and the last time we argued I met him at the book store to coincidentally so I was like out of all time of the day why is he here this is the second time this randomly happens) I just want advice because I really do want him back and I just don’t know what to do..
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 9, 2017 at 8:16 pm
Hi Ariana,
If he wants space, give that by doing the no contact rule and by focusing on yourself now. Improve yourself, be more active. Check this:
The Ungettable Girl
Emily
February 8, 2017 at 11:02 am
Hey! I need some help here. My boyfriend broke up with me on New Year’s. We were together for 1.5 years. We were very in love and we had all sorts of plans for the future. We’ve met each others’ families and both sides are very loving.
But he says that he doesn’t love me anymore and wants to be single for a while now. Mainly because he said I was controlling and didn’t give him enough space. It’s true that he didn’t get enough space because I met him almost everyday since he got out of army. When he was still in army, we were happier and more loving mainly because we didn’t get to see each other very often.
It’s been a month plus since we broke up and we only met every Sunday to go to church together. But I started the NCR on 1st Feb and I sent him a text saying that I won’t be able to make it for church the next few Sundays (fully utilizing the NCR). Last weekend I went out with my group of friends after a long time to the club and we had fun, nothing wild or anything of that sort. But apparently after I posted some videos on my Instagram, he unfollowed me there, and on Twitter and Snapchat too.
One of my friends found him on Tinder as well which is ironic because he told me during our breakup that he wouldn’t be dating anyone for a while. I’m confused and I don’t know what I should do as of now. Please help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 8, 2017 at 5:07 pm
Hi Emily,
let him be, that’s probably his way of coping how he sees you’re moving on.. Just keep improving yourself and being active in social media so, that he would feel more regret in losing you.
Sarah
February 8, 2017 at 5:56 am
My exe’s family influenced his decision 100%. When he left for vacation he said he wanted a future and children with me when I asked him. He was even asking surprised why I was asking that. When he came back from vacation he said he talked to his dad and sister about it – and he came to the conclusion he does not love me and was unhappy. And that was it. I asked his best friend to talk to him after 3 weeks to check the situation – he said he does not want me back. I texted his sister the day he broke up but she just said – maybe its for the best because we had so many chances and things just did not work out for 5 years. I think she and her dad were campaigning against me. What do I do now? I still have his best friend who could talk to him..maybe at some point but at the moment he told he he does not want me back. What to do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 8, 2017 at 1:07 pm
Hi Sarah,
stop chasing and stop asking your friends to talk him out of it because that will be annoying for him. Are you going to do the no contact rule?
Zona
February 8, 2017 at 4:15 am
Hi. I was with this guy for 3 years and planned to get married. Our relationship was against by his family because of the differences that we had. Just 2 weeks before the wedding he said he didn’t wanna marry me, he said the marriage is not solving any problems, and he said he didn’t want to continue the relationship whatever the excuses. I was very disappointed, feel unloved, and rejected. I knew him very well and i’m sure that’s not the thing that he wanted but his family. Since I love him and I’m sure that our feeling is mutual, I’m planning to get his attention back. I have done the no contact rule for more that 30 days, I texted him but got no response. Now I really don’t know if I have to give it another try or just give up.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 8, 2017 at 12:47 pm
Hi Zona,
how old are you both and the problems that he was talking about, did he mean his family? How much did you improve in the past 30 days and how active were you in posting?
Kevin
February 7, 2017 at 9:36 pm
My ex and I were dating for 6 months, but were on a push and pull sort of limbo for the next two. From the beginning of the relationship, he has been super insecure about my friend that i was close with when my ex and I were still friends. Since we were still friends back then, and I wasn’t aware that he really liked me, I would talk to him about my sex life with this guy that I was just fooling around with. It hurt him and so when we got together he wanted me to cut this person out of my life. It was hard to do so, because this person has become a really good friend to me.
Fast forward to these past few weeks. Me and my ex were finally getting close again, everything was so sweet. Until I had a feeling he was close with his other friend and so I asked him whether it was true or not, and he said yes. I was hurt, so I said we should take a week off from each other. Towards the ends of the week, he messaged me a few messages and said that he misses me a lot. We met the following week and he decided he wanted to get back together and have a future together.
I couldn’t get over the idea of him and this guy the past week, and so I kept asking him questions about him. To the point where my ex told me that the guy he was closed with ask him to ask me if it was alright for them to go to another city together (he obviously wasn’t going to go). I got annoyed and lashed out by saying my friend that he hates asked me if i wanted to go on holidays with him and that i didn’t say yes or no.
He got pissed and mentioned the reason why we have broken up so many times is because of my friend and that the fact I still mention his name in front of my ex is stupid. We got into a big fight a few days later after I tried to apologise and talk about commitment. He said many hurtful things. But I understood it was in the heat of the moment. He said he no longer wanted to be with me and that we are never getting back together. He then blocked me on every social media (not on phone or text though) and we still have a shared album on google photos, and everytime I post a few photos of us, he would also add more photos. WHich made me wonder if he’s still giving me a bit of a chance.I’ve tried texting him and he would never respond. All his friends said that he said he was done. It’s been a week since our fight.
Is there still a chance of us rekindling things? I love him and really want to be with him.
Sorry for the long comment.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 8, 2017 at 12:29 am
Hi Kevin,
I think so, but if he’s not responding, why not start the no contact rule?
Amanda
February 3, 2017 at 7:42 pm
Hi,
So my boyfriend and I had a big fight last week. Some things had been building…I had tried to ask if he was upset at all before but he said no. Anyway, after our fight, the next day he was supposed to pick me up. He texted me early and said he wouldn’t be able to make it and it’d be better not to meet that day and think about how our relationship was going. Then he didn’t respond to any texts or calls. I continued this for five days. I am wondering if not implementing the NC rule right away ruined any chance of getting him back He read some of my messages after I sent them…or at least the app said read, right after I sent them nor did he delete me…what does that mean, if anything… We were only together 5 months and he lives in another city with no chance of us running into each other…
Amanda
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2017 at 9:16 pm
Hi Amanda,
he’s probably not responding because as he said, both of you need to think.. it’s not yet too.late to start nc..
Ash
February 2, 2017 at 1:06 am
My ex and I broke up at the beginning of December. It came as a little bit of a surprise. I thought we were great together and even said I hoped he wasn’t around for awhile, and he said he would be. One day out of no where he tells me that he thought we needed to slow down and he was worried about a few things. We talked about them, and he said he felt silly about being worried about those things and all was okay. Or so I thought. Then he breaks up with me a week later because he wasn’t sure if he felt something special for me. Anyway, I talked to him a week after he broke up with me about a movie we had discussed when we were dating. It was a small conversation that I started, but he said “I was going to text you about it” in his reply. After that, I started the no contact rule. He texted me after the holidays to say he hoped I had a good holiday. I wished him the same, and that was it (I know, I failed the NCR, so I did the advice and restarted the countdown). I texted him last week after 30 days of no contact. I sent a simple and friendly “hey, hope things are going well!” text. He replied, seemed very eager in his reply, and started a discussion on things that have been going on in his life without me even asking. I kept my replies funny and light, especially since he said in the beginning that he liked my personality. He told me that he hurt himself playing sports, and I made a joke about him needing a cane and said “be careful out there, old man.” He replied “don’t make me come show you what this old man can do.” I replied “lol, bring it.” He said “oh, I’ll bring it.” Then texted again and said “hope you’re ready, because I’ll bring it rock hard.” FLIRTY, RIGHT?! I replied and said “I’m not the one injured” and he sent back that he could still catch me. I sent “doubtful” and added an emoji. He replied that he would come prove it. I freaked out in excitement and tried cleaning my house just in case, because it’s like him to actually come over like that. I replied “wait what,” but he never came. The next day I texted him (probably wrong of me?) and jokingly said “guess you decided you didn’t want to be proved wrong.” He apologized and said he forgot to reply. I said it was okay and just figured he was being his usual self. He sent back “I thought about coming over, but was like naaa.” I didn’t know what to say. I just sent back “yeah, I hate being proved wrong too” with a laughing emoji. No reply. We haven’t talked since. I am really worried I messed up! What do I do now?
Ash
February 2, 2017 at 9:06 pm
Thank you for replying and for the positivity! About how long should I wait? I figured it would be best to wait until he contacts me. Also, side note: thank you so much to your team for all the advice and for the encouragement to better ourselves! Even if a person isn’t trying to win back their ex, the message this website sends is wonderful!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 2, 2017 at 10:02 pm
maybe just 2-3 days.. you’re welcome!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 2, 2017 at 6:41 pm
Hi Ash,
no, actually those are positive.. just start with a different topic next time..
Lea
February 1, 2017 at 6:21 pm
Hi Amor, I posted a question & it was awaiting moderation & disappeared? Not sure if I should post my question again?
Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 2, 2017 at 3:43 pm
Hi Lea,
yes, it did went through..
if no contact would hurt him but he doesn’t want to work with you, that means you’re going to wait until he’s willing to? And how sure are you that it hurts more for him to not talk to you, if he’s not making an effort to be communicative in the first place
Lea
February 1, 2017 at 3:46 pm
So my boyfriend & I were together a long time ago, parted ways for 7 years & married other people. We both later divorced & found each other again & began talking in the last year. We began seeing each other again 6 months ago & have became a couple again a few months ago. His mother passed away 3 months ago so he is suffering from depression. I have a lot of jealousy & insecurity regarding his ex. I always feel like he loves her more or would choose her over me if given the chance. He is not big on words or reassurance so I never know where I stand. He is very slow to show his feelings. He is however, wonderful with his treatment of me & my kids. He does show it with his actions.
I chose to end it with him a few weeks ago, explaining how I feel about him loving her more than me. He didn’t say I was wrong, he just said he was hurt & sad that I was ending it & that I can choose to believe whatever I want. He said he has done everything he can to show me I am important to him. After we split, he was sad & missing me & would tell me so. Well, a week ago, we started talking about us again & where it will end up. He said he didn’t know what he wanted & is lost without his mom. He said he started talking to the ex again texting & talking only. He made sure that I know that he has not dated or slept with her. I told him to figure out what he wants & to let me know. At first he said he doesn’t know what he wants but then he seemed to change his mind & wanted to talk about us. (I guess since he was not sure what I wanted.) So, I told him I want him & but that if he needs time to figure it out, that I can give him that. He said no he didn’t need time or space & that all is forgiven, we are good. So, he said he wanted to meet to talk about us. He said he was hurt that I dumped him & left him when he really needed me most. He said he forgave me for ending it & basically we just agreed to start over. We had a nice time together. were intimate, & talked a lot. The next day, we were back to normal & I was so happy. Then the rest of the week, I noticed he doesn’t text as often. Like he skips a day here & there. When I reach out, he always replies & explains what he is doing. But it is not like him to go a day without contacting me. We always had 90/10 contact with him doing most of the reaching out & making plans. I wondered if he was sleeping with his ex again or back over at her home at night but I have passed by at night (yes I know, I am stalking him) and no his truck is not there. If I text him at night, he responds & let’s me know where he is. So, I am thoroughly confused by the pulling away? So I sent him a nice text saying that I want him to be happy & that I feel he is not trying as much with me or has shifted his focus. I told him to do whatever it is that makes him happy but that if he is not done with me then I would want us to try again. I explained that if he has any doubts about leaving me that we should try again because to me if there is doubt, then that means you are not ready to let go. I am waiting on his reply. I do not know what to do since I am the one that hurt him. No contact would hurt him more. Trying doesn’t seem to be working. Any advice?
Lea
February 3, 2017 at 4:34 pm
Thanks Amor. He was drunk last night (still grieving the loss of his mother) and in his drunk talk, he said he loves me but that he feels I do not love him. Not sure whether to bring it up when I see him sober? Or ignore it? He has not said I love you to me in years. But he was drunk this time?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2017 at 8:10 pm
dont bring it up but dont totally ignore it too.. find out how you can make him feel more loved.. just dont or do it.. like if he loves your cooking, dont suddenly cook everyday and give it to him.. it looks scripted and he wont appreciate it if it becomes a routine
Lea
February 2, 2017 at 10:54 pm
Thanks for responding Amor. He finally responded to me & said he was mad & in his feelings. He said he is tired of me fighting with him that I pushed him away & he wants to give up but that he knows I need him. So as for now, I am basically just apologizing & trying to fix it. He says we will talk more about this later (he was at work when we spoke). He said the reason he doesn’t contact me for a few days is because he leaves me alone to cool off after an argument. So obviously, I need to stop picking fights. A lot of it is old stuff from our former relationship many years ago when we were younger and he was not the same person he is now. He has changed a lot and is trying to be better but it has been hard for me to trust him. I am always jealous and falsely accusing him of doing me wrong since there was cheating behavior from him many years ago. Anyway, what else can I do besides apologize?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2017 at 4:07 pm
that’s good! check this:
How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 2, 2017 at 3:43 pm
Hi Lea,
yes, it did went through..
if no contact would hurt him but he doesn’t want to work with you, that means you’re going to wait until he’s willing to? And how sure are you that it hurts more for him to not talk to you, if he’s not making an effort to be communicative in the first place
Maren
January 31, 2017 at 2:03 pm
Hi!
I have been reading exboyfriendrecovery like for ever I feel. Love your site! I have a question regarding a guy that I kind of like. We have been snapchating back and forth for like three months, but mostly on a friendly level. The other day I found out that he has a girlfriend! We are #1 on each other snapchats, he always “answers” my snap… Snaps that I send to everyone. And he sends me texts late at night when he is clubbing or from him in bed. Is he interested? Or is he just looking for some attention? What do you think?
Maren
February 10, 2017 at 11:00 am
Thank you so much for your reply! They have been together for over a year.. I really like him, so it really hurts me seing him with her. He is really nice to me, and seems legit interested in hanging out with me.. but I can’t be friends with him. Should I just stop replying to his snaps? I really dont want to, but I feel hanging around hoping he will change his mind might never happen.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 10, 2017 at 7:31 pm
oh no.. move on.. That’s actually a dangerous thought that many have, hoping somebody will change.. Because we can’t control others. If the person is not within your standards, move on..
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 31, 2017 at 4:26 pm
Hi Maren,
thank you! he can be interested but how long has been with his gf? Because he might be just fulfilling the sense of variety from you
Sarah
January 31, 2017 at 5:13 am
What if he honestly doesn’t have that many friends so you don’t really have access to his external network. He cheated with a girl from work so he can’t tell work friends and the friends he is talking to are from a long time ago that I don’t know. He also is seeing a therapist that I know. Obviously that can’t go anywhere. His brain is a mess and he doesn’t feel like he can loose me yet because I begged and I think he thinks all he has to so is ask to get back together and we would. I want to prove him wrong at first. I don’t know who I can have help open his eyes and make him see what’s in front of him. Help!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 31, 2017 at 3:39 pm
Hi Sarah,
what’s more important is you start the no contact rule, be very active in improving yourself and in posting because that’s your indirect way of showing your being an ungettable girl.. He will probably check your account because he will be curious on why you’re not texting
Maya
January 30, 2017 at 10:06 pm
Hi I need some advice. I was with my boyfriend for six months and he broke up with me last week. Overall our relationship was good even though he stated that he wanted to take things slow because he believed that was the best way to form a long lasting relationship. He said that he was 100% committed to me and that he cared about me. Then a few weeks ago he randomly ignored me for days then texted me saying that he wasn’t in the right mindset for a relationship. His last relationship only lasted two months but the girl tried to kill herself so he says that messed him up and he only started realizing that recently. He also has a lot going on personally. He said that he stressed over this for awhile but he thinks it’s the best decision for him. I haven’t talked to him for a week and don’t intend to until 30 days are up. But I’m wondering if I should even try to get him back? I want to because I care about him a lot and think we could have something really good. But not sure if I should try with someone who says they don’t want a relationship right now.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 31, 2017 at 2:58 pm
Hi Maya,
focus in healing and improving for 30 days, then after that reflect if you still want him back
hi
January 29, 2017 at 9:25 pm
Hey! My ex and I broke up back in 2014 but ever since then we somehow we have met up at least once every year up until now. A lot has happened since then. He randomly started texting me back over the summer of 2016. He asked me out on a date, so we went to the movies and then he took us to the park that is really special to us, because thats where we had our first kiss. He told me that he was thinking about getting back together, because he missed me and that he still has feelings for me. He also told me he hasn’t felt a connection like this with anyone else and stuff like that. But during that time, I was getting ready to leave to go study abroad for the semester, but he didn’t know that because I forgot to tell him, which i dont know how. During that date night, we just hung out and we ended up just fooling around but we didnt have sex. He mentioned he thinks that I dont feel the same way as he does as in liking him, but I really do love him and i never stopped loving him. But I think he thinks that I dont like him, because after that date we continued texting for a while. He told me he wanted to go to a party with me as a date, but I somehow messed it up because now thinking about it, I think i was avoiding it because I was leaving to go abroad for 4 months and I didnt want to start up anything and also I wasnt really sure what his intentions were. After we texted those few days after the date, he stopped replying to me after I made that stupid comment when he said he wanted to go to a party as a date. Few weeks later, I texted him again just to see whats up but he never replied. But thinking back, I think he really did want to get back together and he really did like me, because he kept saying things like he didnt want to let go of me in his arms, and kept looking at me the way he used to when we first started dating. But now I returned back home from my study abroad trip and I cant help but to think about him and I really do miss him and what we shared before I left. Recently, I found out that he has a gf now and I’m not sure what to do. I feel like I blew it when he did come back saying he wanted me back. What should I do and why do you think he got a new gf eventhough he told me he missed and still had feelings for me and wanted me back? Thanks for the help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 30, 2017 at 2:20 pm
Hello,
it’s just hard to say why he got a gf.. Maybe she’s a rebound or he really felt something for her..check this one:
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)
J
January 29, 2017 at 3:47 pm
Hi! I wanna ask you if you think there is still a chance to get my ex back with what happened with us.
He started making his moves to me around october 2014 onwards. But i was an ungettable girl back then,didnt pay attention to him much. He became more explicit of his efforts the following year until around april2015. During this time i was juat going with flow of his efforts. He was always accompanying me, literally always beside me even after classes. But then i got too scared to commit to him because im the jealous type and i noticed he was getting kinda close to my girl friends at that time. So i stopped entertaining him. And then around end of june 2015 we went to a trip to beach with my friends. He came with us. I startedto like him idk why.. but my liking to him was gone again. It went back around september(start of classes again) things became good between us until we always hangout again. Things were good and we became intimate. He asked me to become his gf on december 2015, i said i wanted to us to be not official yet. He agreed. We ocntinued. I finally said yes April 2016. Now here was the problem, during the time of sept2015 onwards there was this guy who was very close to me who confessed to me too. I turned hi mdown but we remained really close that made my ex really jealous during the whole time of our rel. He said he didnot want me to have anything to do with that guy. But it was hard for me because that guy was really close to me (i dont usually have someone that is as close to me as that guy). So i could not do what he wants(no talking twxting chatting to that guy). We always end up fighting over that issue over and over again. Meaning i ended up hurting him over and over again. Arouund june to august 2016, i niticed he doesnt have much any efforts anymore like he used to have. But during this time i completely didnt contact that guy he was jealous of already. I thought it was just because it was our last semester of our college. But he did mention something like “i was hurt over and over again but i continued to hang on because you make me feel like my feelings will be the same as before” but we were still intimate until september. And then October 2016 we had a big fight. But i said sorry and all so we were “okay” again. He was having his training already that time while i stayed behind in school to complete my thesis. So this was the first time we separated. Things were not as before already. He didnt go to come see me always like he was doing before. He started to become cold but we continued to text. In Dec 2016, i told him that the guy gave me a Pandora charm by slipping thw gift in my bag withiut me knowing. I told him and the guy that i will give it back tight away. He became cold 2 days after that and didnt contact me for 1 week. I gave him a christmas gift through his mom (who has no clue of our progress). She asked me whats going on with us and that his sin didnt buy me a gift for christmas. Then i knew that we were really in a bad shape. I went to their house jan3 and confronted him. After several tries of asking him why, he said he wants to be alone and he wants us to stop because its being unfair for me already. I pleaded for another chance i knew already of my mistakes and i already changed. He repeatedly said ok but i think he was just forced. I confronted him again 2 weeks after, same response but with more answers for me. He said that he was repeatedly got hurt and that he gave me a lot of chances already. I said sorry but he doesnt want already. He said to forget about him, find another better guy for me,he is not good for me. I said no and pleaded again. He again agreed maybe because he needed to go home that time already. Then, he got cold again after i went to lunch with an officemate(i told him we were having lunch and that its nothing serious/i was also kinda dragged because i didnt know the place around the office and i tot we were just gomna have takeout;i told him all this) then he got cold the following day, the texts become short, no emojis like we used to text. Yesterday become really worse so i went to their house again to ask about us,he said he really doesnt want already. He wants to stop. Same answers ive heard past 3 weeks. This time he said no until the end despite my repeated pleading. Until he got a little irritated because we were just repeating the convo and i have to get back to my student office.
And that he doesnt have any feelings to me anymore. I asked if we can still try again after some time, he said no and that he doesnt want me to have false hopes and that i should start to forget about him already. He said he appreciates my efforts, all the changes i did for us towards the end of our rel, and he said he knows that i love him very much, but he said it was all too late because he has no feelings anymore. I admit that i became desperate/clingy/needy/total opposite of the ungettable girl during our rel. He doesnt want to recomsider anymore and he said he made uo his mind already. This makes me really hopeless because usually when we argue,he doesnt talk much and just listens. But the first time he talked more openly was during our big fight in oct2016 and the confrontations this year. He was completely in love with me during the start of our rel and he is the kind of guy who is choosy in partners. He is a Virgo,to let u know his personality type. I feel really hopeless righ now. And then i came across your articles. I am willing to do all your advice their but i wanna know if you think that we still have a chance to get back together?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 30, 2017 at 11:27 am
Hi J,
I think there’s still a chance but cut all ties with the other guy.
do you want to try the no contact rule?
Sophie thifo
January 28, 2017 at 2:08 am
Hi, i wanted to know
If I could have feedback on my situation.
My ex broke up with me 11days ago. The minute I got in my car I started the NC rule. I haven’t spoken to him, i have deleted my snapchat, and disable my other social media accounts. I have not heard anything about him, we have the same circle of friends however I asked my friend to NOT speak to me about him. I have crosse his path at work once, we said “hey” but that was it. His stuff his still in my lcoker And my stuff his still at his house. I just went to a dinner/party to his best friend’s house, I went knowing he wasnt there in order to respect his choice of him not wanting me . I stayed 1h and left , it was to hard for me. I also went so people could tell him I looked fine. However i am DEAD inside, im dying and fighting the urge to talk to him. I lost weight , i barely eat but i force my self. I saw his parents last week ( bumped into them) and I took the time to thank them for everything, they replied ” we are sorry for all this, it makes us sad” . I want my ex back, i miss him crazy. He were togethere for 1.5 year. He left me bcs he sais : i want time for myself, this relationship is not working anymore, this is the end. I want to be alone.
Please help me.
Thank you.
Sophie
January 28, 2017 at 12:25 pm
Hi,
Ok thank you.
I have deleted him from fb…. he does not have snap chat.
So how can I do that?
Any other tips? Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 28, 2017 at 3:21 pm
you have to make your posts public so that he can see it if he checks through a different account
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 28, 2017 at 12:03 pm
Hi Sophie,
take your losing weight as progress and continue to improve other aspects of your life too.. be active in posting because that’s your indirect way of communicating with him that you have a life and that you’re improving..
Angelieca
January 27, 2017 at 4:40 pm
Hello Amor,
My name is Angel and I have talked with my ex just last night because he was been cold the past few days so I worried and call him, then he said that I will do what I like and want and dont consider him about whatever I want and decision that I will make. We are in in Long distance Relationship and he does not want me to feel the difficulties too on traveling to her place and he cant give me my expectations too. The previous also, I asked him if whats his plan about us and about me, and asked an answer for me to move on in my life, because Im just running out of visa so its either I can find a full time job, go to school and go to other country. So I told him about this and I want answer soon. Then I mentioned also about my ex which was it just a joke and that one reason that makes him decide to break up with me, also hes stress at work and tired people around him but he said he is not of me. So its mix messages, and he said that we can talk about this in person next time because we just talked thru phone. He said that I will be ok and better about this decision he made. I am confused if I can still save our relationship and still have contact him. Our last message was
ME: Im really sorry for what ive said that hurt you.. I know and I accept my mistake and I learned from that.. your good man and if this break up will make you feel better then I respect it.. You take care always.. Goodnight
HIM: Thank you for that.. I wish you a good night now.. emoji
I can feel that there still a chance that I think I need to work out and make effort?
I want to give time and space in the meantime but is this what should I do or should I try to contact him the next few days? its his birthday on FEB. 1 and I want to send him card, is this fine or not? Please help me
Angelieca
February 4, 2017 at 9:30 pm
Hello Amor, I want to text him after our conversation last wednesday, but Im not sure about it as I want to wait him to text me again. Is it fine or should I send him message first after our convo last time? Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 5, 2017 at 7:36 pm
let him initiate..be active in the meantime and focus in your activities
Angelieca
February 2, 2017 at 7:53 am
Hello amor, He texted me after he received the card and he said thank you and ask if how am i doing. I replied welcome and ask him back how is he doin too. our conversation was great like before and ended with smiley. I will take it slow now and wait for him to open deeper conversation. So, what do you think?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 2, 2017 at 4:27 pm
I agree… check this too:
How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming
Angelieca
February 1, 2017 at 5:22 pm
hello amor, he sent me message after he received the birthday card that I sent to him. he is very thankful and asked me if how am i doin.. I replied that I am fine and doing well. we had nice conversation like before so hopefully everything will work.. What do you think?
Angelieca
January 29, 2017 at 8:40 pm
ok I will do that.. Also, should I still try to save our relationship?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 30, 2017 at 1:42 pm
well, if you’re sending the card..youre already trying to save it
Angelieca
January 28, 2017 at 5:23 pm
Hello Amor, So I can still send card I will try to save the relationship?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 29, 2017 at 9:59 am
honestly, I dont think it will help but I think you need to do it.. so, yes, send it..
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 28, 2017 at 9:05 am
Hi Angielica,
if he doesn’t change his mind after his bday, proceee to no contact rule
Catie
January 26, 2017 at 8:06 pm
I just bought your ebook ex-boyfriend recovery and I was wondering if I could get my feedback on my unique situation. Sorry, this will be long…
A little background on my relationship: Ben and I were dating for 6 months until he broke up with me literally out of the blue 4 weeks ago. I work with his mom and she set us up. He is 27 and I’m 25. He was completely in love with me from the start. We connected on so many different levels. He treated me so well and didn’t play any games. He asked me to be his girlfriend after 2 months and then in October we decided to move in together for September 2017 (his idea). He went above and beyond to do little things for me. His friends told me that after our first date, he came home telling everyone he just met the girl he was going to marry. He asked to come to Poland with me in August (2 wk trip) to meet my extended family. I spent the holidays with his family. I got along so well with all of his friends and invested in his hobbies (he loves to snowboard and I ski but not as much, but this year I bought new ski gear and a season pass to go with him). He told his parents that I was the kindest, smartest, and prettiest girl he’s ever dated. Both his friends and family told me that he acted completely different around me vs his past girlfriends, that it was like day and night. He’s been in at least 2-3 other long-term relationships (8 months to 2.5 years) in the past and he’s told me he’s never considered moving in with anyone before. So I know this whole relationship wasn’t some puppy love overreaction. His mom thought I was “the one”. He told me he loved me all the time but he didn’t even have to because his actions said it all, up until the very end.
He broke up with me 2 days after Christmas. Totally out of the blue. There was no fight and we weren’t growing distant in any way, in fact, it was the opposite. We planned a trip to skiing on Tuesday and he was supposed to pick me up from the train station on Monday night. He called me 2 hours before my train got in and told me that he went out with old friends and had too much to drink and that he wouldn’t be able to pick me up in time, but confirmed that we were still going skiing the next day and told me we’d talk later. I was annoyed but said it’s fine that I’d take an uber. I was expecting him to stay over (since he said he would) so when I didn’t hear from him all night I got worried and was calling and texting him, none of his roommates knew where he was. It was very unlike him; he ALWAYS checks in with me, all the time. He finally texted me the next morning (obviously we didn’t go skiing) and told me that he was going to “talk to me about us” last night but was a coward and chose to get fucked up instead (he took LSD, also unlike him) and that he was sorry. He finally came over around 4pm and told me that “this wasn’t working out” that he “loved me but he wasn’t in love with me” and “the spark was gone” a bunch of other nonsense. He said he was thinking about it for a few weeks and didn’t want to do it during Christmas. I was in complete shock. His parents and friends were all also in complete shock. He said he needed a few days so I agreed. He deleted all social media and avoided talking to his mom for 2 days (who was beside herself). At first I suspected it was a commitment freak out and wrote him a 3 page letter explaining that passion in relationships isn’t there 100% of the time and its okay to be scared that its all normal. I told him the spark comes and goes and what matters is how we feel about each other. I talked about our relationship and what it meant to me. When he finally came over 5 days later on NYE day, I had him read it. He said it was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever written for him and asked to keep it. He tried to explain but his thoughts were all over the place. He couldn’t give me any answers and he said he wanted to leave MA (completely random). I finally asked if he needed more time and he was relieved and said yes. He gave me a long hug and left.
I replayed the last few weeks of our relationship over and over in my head and it just didn’t make sense. Even just in the week prior he: told his parents we were going to move in together, urged me to buy the two $800 non refundable plane tickets for our trip in August and he’d pay me back (the only reason I didn’t was cause the site seemed sketchy and I suggested we wait a month), invited me to a Christmas dinner with his family and asked his dad to make a dish I loved, got me the most thoughtful Christmas gifts (including a picture of us and his dog to frame), etc. He started calling his dog our dog. If he had been thinking about it for weeks, why make such commitments (especially expensive long-term ones)?
I was devastated. I texted him on New Years (to which he didn’t reply) but aside from that I gave him complete space, no contact. I learned from his roommate’s girlfriends that he wasn’t doing much: focusing on find a new job, going to the gym a lot, learning new songs on guitar, trying to “be a better person”. He wasn’t talking about it. I started to think that maybe he was going through a quarter life crisis because I knew he wasn’t happy with his current job (and he got laid off a job he loved in August) and he was in a lot of debt. After 1.5 weeks, his mom told me at work that she asked him about me and he said that he misses me very much but he thinks he made the right choice. This hit me like a train. I finally decided enough was enough, that I need some answers and so I asked him to come and talk to me the next day and he agreed.
I wrote everything I wanted to say and ask down on paper. Unlike my first letter, this one wasn’t as mushy, it was trying to address his issues. I talked about his job and other things I thought might be going on and I tried to level with him and be supportive. Then I talked about my own feelings about the whole situation. At the end, I made the mistake of asking to put all his other worries aside and tell me if he sees a future with me. When he came over, I gave him the letter and he was hesitant but he read the letter, saying that he might not be able to answer all of my questions. When he finished, he started by saying that I was braver than him and that he wanted to talked the past weekend but couldn’t bring himself to do it. He said that he does have a lot of debt and that when is under a lot of pressure he shuts the world out (hence, deleting social media and not talking about his issues). He said that he can’t commit the way I’ve committed. I asked him if it was because he wanted to see other people and he said “No, I just need to be alone right now.” He said that the answer to my question about the future is no. In response to this, I asked him was his goals were. He said he didn’t know. I questioned him further, asking he MUST have some sort of goals, anything (does he want to travel? own a home? have a family?). He said “ I don’t know, maybe thats the problem”. He also said our relationship was stressing him out. I asked for examples of how and he couldn’t give me any. I know for a fact that this is him projecting his stress onto our relationship because we always had a loving and supportive relationship. We rarely got into fights, I never pressured him to do anything, and he set the pace for the whole relationship, even down to saying “I love you”. So I don’t understand how I was stressing him out. He also said again that he wanted to leave MA and that he needed something new. I asked “Don’t you think that sounds a little like you’re running away from your problems?”, to which he replied “yeah probably but I just need something new”. I tried to explain that his problems were going to follow him no matter where he moved but I didn’t seem to get through. We ended it with him saying a bunch of nice things about me, how anyone would be lucky to date me and how he was lucky enough to date me. He said that this had nothing to do with me that it was all him. He asked to keep my letter again, and then gave me another long hug and said that he would text me about exchanging stuff. I didn’t hear from him for over a week. If he was so sure about his decision why was dragging this out? Why keep my stuff around as a reminder? I finally took charge and texted him last week to bring my stuff over but he said he was in NH and didn’t know when he’d be back (probably snowboarding). I asked if he could then bring it over on Saturday and he would be away snowboarding again and said he could have a friend drop it off. I said that I would appreciate if he did it in person since I have some logistical stuff to go over with him (he owed me around $500) and that I’d like to see his dog one more time. It was like pulling teeth but he finally agreed to come over Wednesday (yesterday).
He came over yesterday (broken up almost a month at this point) and brought his dog and all my things. I had packed all his things in a suitcase along with a very short goodbye letter that basically said that I don’t regret any of the time we spent together because it had made me happy and that I’m moving on with a positive mindset. It also said that I’ll be okay cause my happiness is independent of a singular person and although this chapter closed, I still have so much more happiness to look forward too.
He asked if I wanted to take his dog on a walk and I agreed. We talked over the money stuff and he agreed to pay me for everything without hesitation. He talked a little about his friend’s new puppy. Then I asked him how he was doing and he said he’s been working out more and feeling a little better. He said that he’s working 4 days instead of 3 now but still looking for a new job. And he also said that he’s planning on finding a subletter for his apartment (where he lives with his friends) and moving back home (still in MA) to save money. Which makes me think even more that this is like, a quarter-life crisis type thing cause he’s so independent and moving back home I know is hard on him. He asked how work was with his mom and I said it was fine. When the walk was done, we hugged and he left. I texted him an hour after, thanking him for bringing his dog and he must of read my letter at that point cause this was his response:
“You’re welcome, you deserved to see her. And your last note, while it saddened me, also brought me some closure knowing that you have full respect for yourself and that you are going to drive forwards to get what you want and what you deserve.”
I’m not sure what this means or what he’s feeling. I was going to start no contact as of yesterday but I don’t know how long to do it for or where to even begin. I still want him back so much I have this gut feeling that we are supposed to be together like he’s the one. All his social media is still deleted, he’s clearly going through something but I don’t know what to do.
Any advice?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 27, 2017 at 11:10 am
Hi Catie,
try to do at least 30 days and be active in improving yourself.. aim to be the ungettable girl..check the link below:
The Ungettable Girl