How To Make My Ex Change His Mind And Come Back To Me

156 thoughts on “Will He Change His Mind And Come Back To Me?”

Fiona

January 26, 2017 at 2:09 pm

I have been broken up from my boyfriend for 5 months. We have spoken every other week and have met up since then. He says he’s working on himself and doesn’t want to rush anything. That we are working are way back to each other. Sometimes when he texts he seems cold and distant but in person he’s fine. I feel like I’ve been pressuring him by telling him how I feel about him nearly every time I see him. I bring up the same questions each time which annoys him as he has already told me how he feels. I don’t know how long I can go on for to see if he does come back?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2017 at 9:13 am

Hi fiona,

do you want to try the no contact rule?

Mary

January 26, 2017 at 1:21 pm

I REALLY NEED ADVISE Me and my boyfriend had an amazing relationship like we were both so happy! Anyway things started getting stressful for the both of us and he stopped being as caring, took forever to reply and never put in any effort like I had to organise everything. So then of course I stopped being as caring and I didn’t nag I just stopped being as fluent with my replies. Anyway the day before our anniversary he breaks up with me But we talk about it and then we decided not too and that “he’d give me another chance” when really in reality I hadn’t done anything like I was always there for him. Fast forward to a week ago he phoned me and was like “this isn’t working, I don’t like you stone cold fact” so I hung up as I didn’t want to yell something mean back. 5 minutes later he sends me a huge text about how lovely I am and how sorry it has to end this way but we can’t make our relasionship work. So I’m so so angry with him as we’d been together for over a year and would of seen me in 4 days and was so rude over the phone and so disrespectful the next night I post an Instagram picture where I look nice in and had been planning to post for a while and I put the caption “stone cold fact: smiles all round”. I really miss him and want him back so so so badly!!! I haven’t spoken to him in 11 days and am doing the NC but I don’t think the texting him bit of the plan will work and I’m so distraught. Please help me. (I didn’t reply to his slightly rude/patronising/nice text)

Mary

January 26, 2017 at 2:52 pm

Also how long do you think I should do the NC rule for?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2017 at 9:45 am

ah I meant improving from your side.. did you improve? Did you change? If he’s like that, then all he wants is for you to move on and there’s only a higher chance of him willing to be friendly if he’s sure you have moved on, especially if you’ve changed..
Mary

January 26, 2017 at 2:49 pm

Have I done anything wrong? Do you think he’ll ever want me back?
Mary

January 26, 2017 at 2:44 pm

I don’t know if any things improving because I have no idea what he’s feeling especially after that Instagram over a week ago (the day after the break up)
Mary

January 26, 2017 at 2:44 pm

I don’t know if any things improving because I have no idea what he’s feeling especially after that Instagram
Mary

January 26, 2017 at 2:43 pm

I feel like he’ll be like “why is she messaging me” and he just doesn’t seem like the type of person for it to work on. Especially since in the last long text he sent me he said “do your best to refrain from contacting me, block me if you haft to”
Mary

January 26, 2017 at 1:22 pm

Me and him are 17 by the way and we were together for a year and 2 months
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2017 at 1:27 pm

Hi Mary,

how much are improving and why donyou think the texting wont work?

Tanya Smith

January 25, 2017 at 10:15 pm

Good Evening,

I would like to get some advise, me and ex broke up 4 months ago and as much as it seems like a long time. There has been a lot of back and forth, conflicting behaviour from him up until last week and next to zero no contact. I am aware i have made quite a few mistakes but i wanted to know how i could improve this situation.

He told me that he cares about me a lot still but does not want a relationship right now. He says his focussing on his career and that he is emotionally closed off from being hurt from events which occurred in the past during our relationship. He has got jealous when i have tried to move on and has done things out of revenge like interacting with every female possible on social media including like pics from an old flame he swore he was not into in the past and even some pics of my own friends.

He swears he is not bothered but refuses friendship because its too difficult to communicate due to history and has refused to bury the past and remain civil at least. All of this but he has still suggested now and again that he still wishes to have a physical relationship with me as he is still attracted to me. I refused this because i told him i can not settle for no commitment. These events which lead to our break up were nothing serious like cheating but more of him feeling rejected at points which lead to resentment building up and due to poor communication it was not expressed.

He now states that he is solely focussing on his career and does not want a relationship even though he states he still cares about me deeply. I feel that although he isn’t looking for a girlfriend, i do believe he is sleeping with women because when i had a conversation with him about it, he declined to answer which made no sense if he still wanted to be physical with me. When i stated to him that we can just be friends, he made this difficult by purposely being inconsiderate and ignoring but then this is why i do not get why he would want a sexual relationship with me instead… I have declined sex and stated to him that i will not settle for that without commitment and he stated that this is why he didn’t want to suggest it as he doesn’t want to hurt me.

Even though we will agree this, there has been a few times he has gone back on his word and suggested sex again. His behaviour is very confusing and when we talk it often leads to arguments because he is very snappy with me over small things. Please advise.

Tanya Smith

January 27, 2017 at 6:56 pm

Ok, i will do the 45 days NC. How to i make myself stand out during this NC period, will this make him find interest in another woman instead? He has recently told me he is still attracted to me but does not want a relationship just yet because i think he is still hurt.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 28, 2017 at 11:34 am

we can’t control that..but you’ve tried staying and talking to him right? If he really wanted to date somebody, we cant stop him but the best you can do is to not appear always available and to keep improving yourself and having your own life even after 45 days while building rapport
Tanya Smith

January 26, 2017 at 6:43 pm

Hi Amor,

Yes i plan to do the no contact rule now as i have have finally realised that the advise on your site is correct and i have realised that there is no benefit of contact as its not improving the situation. I am just unsure of how long i should do this for and because i find it a bit difficult not getting affected by his attempts to make me jealous.

Its 4 months down the line and i am starting to wonder that maybe he just may not be into me then
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2017 at 9:40 am

accept that he has moved on..if you need to do 45 days, you can do that..
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2017 at 12:29 pm

Hi Tanya,

are you going to do the no contact rule?

Sylvia

January 25, 2017 at 6:41 pm

I just broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted a break. We’ve been together for almost 10 months and he now needs time for himself because he doesn’t know what he wants in life and if he’s ready for a serious relationship. He’s 26 (im 26 as well) and doesn’t study, works every once in a while with random things and lives with his dad. He has no income and is wasting his life because he doesn’t know what he wants to work with. I’m finishing med-school this summer and I want him to be with me no matter what. I’ll support him with whatever he decides to do, as long as we’re together and love each other everything will be alright… But there’s also an issue about missing me. We have a long-distance relationship living in Berlin and in Warsaw so we text a lot every day and Skype once or twice a week, and visit each other once every 2-3 weeks and he thinks we need a break so that he can get a chance to miss me. And he also has a feeling that he doesn’t want the responsibility of being in a relationship, that he misses the times when he could do whatever he wanted….
I feel like I’ve put so much into this relationship always being the one wanting to visit and planning our future together, maybe suffocating him a bit but I love him so much and that’s why I am like I am. I’ve decided to stop texting him but I don’t know for how long. Will he ever want to be with me again? I can’t picture my life with anyone else. When do I text him, or should I wait for him to text me?

Sylcvia

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2017 at 12:16 pm

Hi Sylvia,

what happens if he doesnt change? Are you going to force him? Are you expecting him to change for you?

Ann

January 25, 2017 at 1:24 am

Hello! I would be so grateful for some insight and advice with what I am experiencing as the most heart wrenching breakup I have ever dealt with. My ex and I broke things off thanksgiving day after a year+ of going strong or at least I thought. We were planning our futures together. Talking about children, moving in together, moving away eventually and buying a home together, he is 37, I am 35. We had a lot of fun together share the same interests and ideals, most family and friends thought we were made for each other, marriage included. When he asked me to be his girlfriend he actually said “you are my favorite person and I’m kinda obsessed with you (jokingly of course) will you be my girlfriend.” We never had much drama, the occasional fight here and there but both always logical and apologetic in the long run. On may 31st his best friend suddenly died of a heart problem, no one saw it coming. Over the months we dealt with this tragedy and moving on but he was and likely is still having a hard time dealing. In October we went on a trip to visit my sister for my birthday and came home wanting to move there, buy a home and eventually have kids. We have traveled to visit both our families together multiple times. Things felt and were pretty serious. In November the holidays were quickly approaching and we had made a compromise that we would spend one weekend out of town with my family and the following with my mother cooking for her on thanksgiving, so that we could visit his family for Christmas. It was also the birthday of his best friend who passed the day before thanksgiving. As the month of November went on he became busier than usual with work, often working 12-16 hour days, he was overworked and overwhelmed and then became sick with the flu. This trip with my family was important so I pressured him to go, ultimately he did not end up going but in the weeks to follow things quickly fell apart. We had a series of arguments, I certainly over reacted and his patience was thin. Everything happened so quickly and before I knew it, it was thanksgiving day and it was over, he said we needed a break. I have come to find out since that I was making him feel very cornered with my constant planning, everything from weekends away to what I was cooking for dinner, he also was feeling like I didn’t support him in things he wanted to do, mostly the topic of a vacation rental he wanted to purchase. I feel very ignorant for my part in this. I clearly wasn’t listening to his needs as he was expressing them. He said he felt cornered and it was too much for his comfort. I respected his request for a break after reaching out a few times and finally gave him a good 5 weeks of silence other than a brief response to a Christmas text he sent. In that time I have acknowledged my flaws and what pushed him to his breaking point and sent him an email apologizing and taking responsibility for my poor choices. I sent the email last Friday and heard nothing back. I noticed online that he went to a random girls party last weekend, the night after I sent the email, I then noticed a comment he made about a picture she posted of her butt, I broke and contacted him asking when I could come get my things. He replied and said the email was amazing and very on point but that he’s sorry and feels he needs more time and that we can sit and talk about it all soon and that he cares about me all kinds of deep, these were his words. He also said he was sorry he hadn’t responded that hes been working long days and going to bed early, I replied with a screen shot of the picture and his comment and stated that he had time for her. I let my emotions get the best of me. We went back and forth, he blocked me from his online profile. Things got heated. He said he doesn’t know what the future holds but that he cant be with anyone right now. I went to bed angry and ended the convo by asking him to hold onto my things because I wanted to get them back. He surprisingly responded this morning. He said he would never get rid of my things or give them away. I apologized for getting heated and acting on emotion. He stated that there isn’t anyone else in his life, no other girls he’s dating or hooking up with and that I was making assumptions and looking where I shouldn’t. He said he has been taking care of himself working, gym, mostly staying in. He said “your amazing, I just cant do this right now.” The last thing I said to him is that his actions have made it clear that it is time for me to move on and that I would like to get my things in the near future. Everything about this has been devastating for me. I am making major changes and improvements on myself and ultimately really want things to work out. My apologies for the long email but can you please help give me some advice in moving forward and making the right moves to hopefully work things out? He’s a good guy, I think hes the one. I think he finally just broke under pressure, no thanks to me:( Please help!!
Thank you!

Ann

January 27, 2017 at 12:52 am

Got it, thank you. His birthday is in 55 days. I am thinking it might be worth waiting the 55 days to use his birthday as a means of a first contact text, is this a good idea or would suggest not? In the meantime I am definitely working on me, exercise, hopefully some therapy, and lots of positive growth and change to be gained.
Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2017 at 11:57 am

we mostly only recommend upto 45 days but if you’re more comfortable on that day, then go ahead
Ann

January 25, 2017 at 11:21 pm

Thanks for the feedback. My gut tells me your same advice, I need to move on, it’s likely the only way I’ll ever have a chance in the future with him and for my own health. I will do the 45 day NC and hold off on getting my things until then if that makes sense? After the 45 day NC how would you approach the situation? I just purchased the pro package this morning. Do you have any recommendations in using the pro package to help get me on track? I don’t see anything specific to my situation other than the UG section, so maybe you can let me know how I should best utilize it for my particular scenario. I want nothing more than to have him back but realize I’m just making things worse and pushing him away. This is the worst but I plan on making the best of it, I just need a little guidance and help.
I appreciate your help and advice, thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2017 at 12:46 pm

check this one:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2017 at 3:10 pm

Hi Ann,

I think he has moved on… and if you want a chance, you have to accept that.. he has to think you have moved on and improved..So,.that when you start being friendly, he’ll think you’re just being friendly.. I think you need to do a 45 day nc..

rosa

January 24, 2017 at 3:48 pm

Am on day 2 of nc after back and forth of fights, blocking and unblocking and now he has blocked me again after i got emotional that he told me he is dating someone. just feeling confused because every day before this he has been sending messages and updates of what he is doing and recently he told me he bought me some stuff which he knows i would like. I panicked and got really emotional after he told me that he is actually dating someone then in the midst of it all insulted the new girl, which led him to block me. we broke up a month qnd a half ago. what is the best way to be strong for nc?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2017 at 11:33 am

Hi Rosa,

keep in mind that the more you’re available, the more he will take you for granted

Dreida

January 23, 2017 at 9:58 pm

Hello,

I’ve been on NC for almost 3 weeks, and I’m still deciding if to contact him after the 30-45 days, I’m very scared to get hurt all over again and it could happen since he doesn’t know what he wants, if he even wants a relationship. I put a lot of effort into the relationship while he just checked out of it. His idea of getting to know what he wants was to get me out of his life and to see if he misses me enough, we fought a lot. Maybe 45 days isn’t enough time in this case, should I go longer in the NC? You say to take action, but aren’t I giving him the idea that he still “has me” by contacting him first? Also, I don’t have ties to my ex-boyfriend’s family nor circle of friends, so how can I change the external beliefs? Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 24, 2017 at 12:20 pm

Don’t send a friend request during nc.. Do it after nc when you’ve built enough rapport. I think you should make it 45 days.. Make your posts public, so that he can see it through mutual friends or when he gets curious. That’s your indirect way of showing your improvements.

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156 thoughts on “Will He Change His Mind And Come Back To Me?”