Will He Come Back If You Stop Chasing Him? Yes, Here's Why

320 thoughts on “Will He Come Back If I Stop Chasing Him?”

caroline

March 29, 2018 at 9:12 pm

My comments I guess were deleted but I’ll still follow up and add I heard from ex yesterday he asked when I wanted to hang out again.. I was hoping for some thoughts from you guys but I guess I have my answer.

Chris Seiter

April 3, 2018 at 1:55 am

We didn’t delete them.

I promise.

We have been having a few website issues with comments and were looking into alternatives.

Caroline

March 27, 2018 at 8:13 pm

Just to follow up because I see a lot of follow up questions ask about Social Media. I don’t know if he “stalks” my public Instagram but I can say I have posted a lot of out having fun, being happy, doing cool stuff pictures since our break up, and a few posts and plenty or likes and comments alluded to me dating other guys too. I would say doing no contact immediately and for so long really helped me to move on and be happy post break up and be a in a great place when he reached out. Not sure if it’ll work out for me, but be patient ladies, and be happy, they all really do seem to come back IF you don’t chase.

Chris Seiter

April 3, 2018 at 1:42 am

Bam question answered LOL I literally just asked you about NC haha.
Caroline

April 3, 2018 at 2:18 am

So after 10 days of not hearing from him or contacting him myself, he texted me asking to borrow something and suggested vaguely we hang out again “whenever I want”. Then the next day we texted for hours which was the first time we’d done that since breaking up and in that conversation he told me that he felt like my friends didn’t like him and didn’t think he cared about me but he did care about me. I didn’t but know what to say so i apologized that i put him in uncomfortable situations and then i changed the subject and he offered to help me out with something. The next day he told me he had a business trip coming up in a nearby city and i should meet up with him if I’m in the area too, to which i said i would not be that close. The day after that he asked to pick up what he wanted to borrow but i was busy and not home all day. I’ve accepted this is going to be a slow process but i want to rebuild momentum. I don’t feel like he’s pursuing me hard enough and i don’t want to be some filler until he meets someone else.
Chris Seiter

April 4, 2018 at 12:52 am

You hit the nail on the head.

Your failing at momentum and we need to find a way to get it back.

So, have you heard my theory on conversation.

I believe there are levels to conversation,

Small talk
Telling stories
Sharing Opinions
Sharing Feelings

Ideally you kind of view them as a guantlet where you master each level before you move on to the next one. I feel like you’d really benefit from this.
Caroline

April 4, 2018 at 1:35 am

I feel like in our last conversation he started sharing feelings with me, so have i made it? I’ve read just about everything on your site, but can you direct me to this post or is it only in your book?

I pretty firmly believe in rarely texting a guy first and i texted him first twice on Thursday- sure it resulted in a long conversation and him sharing feelings but still I really don’t want to chase him.

In our relationship I initiated a lot in the very, very beginning but then after a month he basically took it upon himself to practically move in with me, but that’s when it started to get messy. I was still trying to play hard to get but he was at my house every day and night whether i was home or not. He is a very typical Cancer if you read about astrology lol.. they don’t like rejection.
Chris Seiter

April 5, 2018 at 10:44 pm

So, I am familiar with astrology but I am not a very big fan of it. I am more of a scientist by nature. Maybe that’s short sighted of me… haha.

Anyways back to your situation.

Him sharing feelings… Tell me exactly what he said. Let me be the judge 🙂

Also, sorry for the late response.
Caroline

April 5, 2018 at 10:49 pm

I did care about you btw. It seemed like everyone I met couldn’t just be happy for you and looked at me like some asshole.”

Ps- he is an actual scientist and his favorites tv show is Buffy’s too!
Chris Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 4:33 am

Haha Buffy rocks…

If you ever want to get me off track just start talking Buffy!

Ok, so in my opinion you haven’t really gotten to “sharing feelings” quite yet. Generally it’s an unprompted thing from him and it looks like you said something that prompted this statement. Also, I think he is trying to pain himself like a victim which is pretty common actually haha.
Caroline

April 9, 2018 at 8:13 pm

Changed my mind – can you delete the comment I just submitted beginning with ‘Thursday”.
Chris Seiter

April 10, 2018 at 4:09 am

Done!
Caroline

April 3, 2018 at 2:02 am

So afternoon 10 days he texted me asking to borrow something and suggested vaguely we hang out again “whenever I want”. Then the next day we texted for hours which was the first time we’d done that since breaking up and in that conversation he told me that he felt like my friends didn’t like him and didn’t think he cared about me but he did care about me. I didn’t but know what to say so i apologized that i put him in uncomfortable situations and the more i changed the subject and he the next offered to help me out with something. On Saturday he asked to pick up what he wanted to borrow but i was busy and not home all day. I’ve accepted this is going to be a slow process but i want to rebuild momentum.

Caroline

March 27, 2018 at 7:53 pm

We dated for only four months last spring/summer but it was intense. I fell hard for him and I thought he felt the same about me, but he started to get really depressed about some other things going on in his life and broke up with me. Neither one of us spoke to the other for 6 months. Finally he texted me – straight up asking to see me. I agreed. We proceeded to have three amazing dates, all initiated by him. He told me how much better he was doing. The chemistry was still there. It seemed like we were going to get back together. When he asked me to go to a party with him I was so excited he was going to take me back around his friends. But at the party he was emotionally cold. I was disappointed by his lack of enthusiasm at the party and feel like he was taking me for granted. After a few hours I abruptly said I was leaving and he walked me out. He texted to make sure I got home ok and I let him know I did. That was 10 days ago and I haven’t heard from him since. I don’t know if I blew it or if this could motivate him more to chase me harder if he feels he’s lost me again? I don’t know if I should reach out or wait for him..

Chris Seiter

April 3, 2018 at 1:42 am

So Caroline,

At any point throughout this process did you do a no contact?
Caroline

April 3, 2018 at 2:10 am

I was VERY emotional the night we broke up but i did no contact immediately after that night until he texted me 2 weeks later and suggested we should see each other but i was friendly and cool and shot him down gently. Then there was no contact for either of us for 6 months until he texted me.

Jenny

March 19, 2018 at 2:59 am

Been seriously dating a guy for 6 months. He was fresh out of a long term relationship when we first started hanging out. We stayed at each other’s houses, spent almost every night together, traveled, spent time wth each other’s families. Three weeks ago he started acting funny. We didn’t talk for a couple days and when we did speak he said he was stressed and just needed some time to sort his life out. Haven’t been contacted since and I’ve not reached out. I’ve been NC. Heard he’s trying to get back with his ex but she’s with someone else and not sure she wants him back. Just unsure of this quick change and him ghosting me after over 6 months. He talked about marriage and having children together. Told me I was the best everything he’s ever had. I want to contact him for answers but i just don’t know what to do at this point. Or if it’s hopeless.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 24, 2018 at 4:53 pm

Hi Jenny,

It looks like you’re a rebound..
Check this one:
EBR 034: Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?

Alara

March 18, 2018 at 8:17 am

I’m doing the nc. My friends say he’s looking at me when I’m not looking. I was so happy when i heard this but i don’t want to get too optimistic, you know it’s just a look.
He never tried to message me or contact me since the first day. I started nc 3 weeks ago.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 22, 2018 at 5:59 pm

just continue being active in improving yourself and in posting.. after 30 days, you can initiate contact to slowly build rapport and use the being there method in this one:
How To Win Back An Ex Who Is With Someone Else

Alara

March 17, 2018 at 8:42 pm

I’m doing nc. I begged him like 3 weeks ago and we broke up a month ago. My friends said he is always looking at me when I’m not looking. They say he will come back but i just don’t want to wait him. It’s been a month and i think he would come back if he actually misses me.
But I’m just confused. I don’t want to get too optimistic about why he’s looking at me, but when i try to get over it, it’s just hurts. He’s following me on insta, i unfollowed him. He always looks at my stories.
And another thing that hurts is he is dating with a really dumb girl. I mean, we always laugh at that type of people, she is just annoying. And that’s what her friends says. She looks different than me. I have brown curly hair and brown eyes, she has blonde straight hair and blue eyes.
AND HE SAID HE DOESN’T LIKE BLONDES.
Katie

March 14, 2018 at 10:19 pm

Hi there,

My ex who is 24 and I’m 26 were together a year and a half on and off. He broke up with me 4 times but every time o had begged him to come back and we lasted about 4 months and he would leave again. We had been pretty serious this last time planning to move together and always talked about having kids and getting married. This time he found out he was leaving for a job and my son and I couldn’t go and he decided to break up with me a month before moving. I begged him to come back talked to him several times. He unfollowed me on all social media and eventually blocked my number. It’s been 2 months since we broke up. I haven’t contacted him in almost 30 days. I then saw last night he was on a dating site for a relationship after only moving to the new town for the last week and a half. He is already searching for a relationship. I’m heartbroken and feel like he has completely moved on. I feel like nc is not working at all and he doesn’t even miss me. With time and space apart will he eventually find his way back?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2018 at 3:51 pm

Hi Katie,

Nc is more for you to start a new routine to heal and improve and to continue that after nc while slowly building rapport..you have to initiate contact after nc.
Learn How She Got Her Long Distance Ex Boyfriend Back

Katie

March 14, 2018 at 6:14 pm

Hi there,

My ex who is 24 and I’m 26 were together a year and a half on and off. He broke up with me 4 times but every time o had begged him to come back and we lasted about 4 months and he would leave again. We had been pretty serious this last time planning to move together and always talked about having kids and getting married. This time he found out he was leaving for a job and my son and I couldn’t go and he decided to break up with me a month before moving. I begged him to come back talked to him several times. He unfollowed me on all social media and eventually blocked my number. It’s been 2 months since we broke up. I haven’t contacted him in almost 30 days. I then saw last night he was on a dating site for a relationship after only moving to the new town for the last week and a half. He is already searching for a relationship. I’m heartbroken and feel like he has completely moved on. I feel like nc is not working at all and he doesn’t even miss me. I really need your help.
Emma Thomas

March 13, 2018 at 3:03 am

so my ex of about five-ish months broke up with me a couple months ago because he didn’t feel the same about me anymore and wanted to be friends. i chased him for a month or so and finally got tired of it at the end of last month after hearing the same “i don’t feel that way about you, i don’t see us getting back together anytime soon, i want to be friends” stuff. i told him i didn’t want to talk to him anymore for my own reasons and i haven’t talked to him since. he’s been respectful of my boundaries by not talking to me either but i’ve just been wondering if he’s ever going to reach out at some point or if i’m just being too hopeful. thanks.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2018 at 1:01 pm

He probably will but more likely just to be friendly..

Alara

March 9, 2018 at 9:26 pm

Hey,
So we broke up about a month ago and it was a 3 years relationship. I broke up with him because we were arguing a lot, not talking. We work in the same place but i see him like 30 minutes in a day. He had a lot of spare time at work, i always said come and talk but he rarely did it.
So i thought we have to break up, cause we were losing the connection, and i was feeling like i lost the man that I truly in love with. I told him this and we stayed as friends.
2 days after we broke up, i heard he seeing another girl. Tha tfelt like my world has ended. I thought he will come back and tell me that he is sorry and want to get things back together again.
I cried that whole week and argued with him again. I told him that i wasted my 3 years fir nothing and more heartbreaking words… He was almost crying but didn’t. But i know i really broke his heart.
I regret what i said that night and called him that im sorry. I cried a lot and just wanted everything back bu the said he don’t want it.
I don’t think he was with that girl when we were together. We live in a small town and i would know if that kind of thing happens.
So what do you think? Will he come back? I didn’t talk to him since that phone call. I see him everyday and I don’t know if no contact works for us. He never tried to reach out and i never heard something like that from his friends. We are in the same friend group by the way.
Sorry for bad english***

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 13, 2018 at 4:35 pm

Hi Alara,
She’s probably a rebound. Have you tried our quiz? Are you going to do the nc rule?

Emma Goodwin

March 2, 2018 at 2:26 am

Me and my ex split up about 2 months ago, we’ve been on and off seeing each other since we split but everytime we see each other I put more pressure on him and he gets scared and runs off again, he says if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be but he’s not ready for a relationship yet. We’ve never had no contact since we split and I want him to realise what he’s lost and come chasing after me again, what Can I do?!

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 5, 2018 at 4:59 pm

Hi Emma,

Do you want to try nc? If yes, do it for more yourself. Don’t do it just to see if he would regret not having you back..

Danika

February 25, 2018 at 6:02 am

Hi, about a month ago I had broken up with my boyfriend of over 2 years. We had been fighting a lot, and I was overwhelmed after a fight we had where he had said some harsh things to me and I was having trouble connecting. We always argued about feeling like he chose his friends over me, and that I gave more to the relationship. I had trust issues from a previous time he broke up with me for those reasons, said we would never get back together, and then came back after I initiated NC and moved on. After 2 days, I immediately regretted the decision of breaking up with him. I went to his house to try and explain that I understood my mistakes, that men show affection differently, and maybe I was too dependant on him in the relationship. However, he said within those 3 days he realized that the relationship was not what he wanted anymore. I was devastated, and i’ve spent the past month begging him to change his mind. Naturally, the more I did this, the more he pulls away. He’s told me that he’s completely over me after only a couple weeks, that not arguing with me is refreshing, and he just simply does not want to be with me. He’s done this before, and then came back. He said this time is different. I initiated NC two days ago, but he seems extremely over the relationship and I’m not sure it will have any affect on him. Everyone I have talked to has said he feels this confident because I haven’t actually gone away and let him process the breakup. He’s been going out every weekend. I’m devastated, he’s told me he has no romantic feelings for me, and I’m not sure how that’s possible after only a month. But, he will also occasionally say things like ‘not right now’ and ‘I need to be alone for a while.’ I’m very confused on what to do, if this break up is permanent, and how to get him back. Please help!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2018 at 12:01 pm

HI Danika,

have you told him about the nc rule before? If yes, do longer than the first one you did.. If not, do 30 days, be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media.

D

February 25, 2018 at 3:19 am

Hi, about a month ago I had broken up with my boyfriend of over 2 years. We had been fighting a lot, and I was overwhelmed after a fight we had where he had said some harsh things to me and I was having trouble connecting. We always argued about feeling like he chose his friends over me, and that I gave more to the relationship. I had trust issues from a previous time he broke up with me for those reasons, said we would never get back together, and then came back after I initiated NC and moved on. After 2 days, I immediately regretted the decision of breaking up with him. I went to his house to try and explain that I understood my mistakes, that men show affection differently, and maybe I was too dependant on him in the relationship. However, he said within those 3 days he realized that the relationship was not what he wanted anymore. I was devastated, and i’ve spent the past month begging him to change his mind. Naturally, the more I did this, the more he pulls away. He’s told me that he’s completely over me after only a couple weeks, that not arguing with me is refreshing, and he just simply does not want to be with me. He’s done this before, and then came back. He said this time is different. I initiated NC two days ago, but he seems extremely over the relationship and I’m not sure it will have any affect on him. Everyone I have talked to has said he feels this confident because I haven’t actually gone away and let him process the breakup. He’s been going out every weekend. I’m devastated, he’s told me he has no romantic feelings for me, and I’m not sure how that’s possible after only a month. But, he will also occasionally say things like ‘not right now’ and ‘I need to be alone for a while.’ I’m very confused on what to do, if this break up is permanent, and how to get him back. Please help!
Chesney

February 17, 2018 at 3:49 am

Hi, my bf & I have been together for 5 years. We’ve recently started arguing a good bit and got into a bad fight about 2 weeks ago. He told he told me he loves & needs space but doesn’t know if he wants to be with me. It’s been 2 weeks and he ignores most of my text. When he does respond it’s not anything good. He still has in a relationship on Facebook and still has our pic on there. I just started the NC. How long should I continue?? Is he done??

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2018 at 4:15 pm

Hi Chesney,
Check this one:
How Do I Prevent My Boyfriend From Ending Our Relationship

Stacey

February 16, 2018 at 1:58 am

Hi, my ex and I had a big fight last Thursday. On Friday he told me he wanted to end it. I gave him 4 days of space but when I came home and proposed the changes I thought would help he still said we were over and that he loves me but we aren’t right for each other. I can’t believe it because we had been amazing up until the last month or so. He has been working 90 hours a week and I thought because I was getting alone time he wasn’t.. we live together and it’s so tough. He doesn’t think he will ever want me back.. I can’t beliebe it’s over and he is willing to give up. If he had of spoken to me I would have made changes but he didn’t.
Louise

February 5, 2018 at 8:21 pm

Hi. Me and my ex broke up 2 weeks ago. We were together 2 years and lived together for over a year. We loved each other a lot but had a lot of arguments and soon became unhappy but still in love. After many fights and arguments he decided it wasn’t worling anymore and ended it. We sat down had a real chat and it felt goosd because he answered everything I needed to know, was honest and didn’t say the cliche stuff I want to hear but know isn’t true. We havent spoke in about 2 weeks and when I reached out about collecting my stuff back he got angry and didn’t want to acknowledge me. Then we eventually arranged me to get my stuff and I saw a change in him… just a few days after braking up I went round unannounced and he pushed me away couldn’t bare to be in the same room saying he didn’t feel the same heartbreak as me. Then a few weeks down the line I collected my stuff and acted like this strong woman who didn’t need him around and moving on with my life (not with anyone else). He was scared of me coming round before encase I broke down and cried. He is a stubborn guy. Afterwards I got all the texts I wanted he was sending one after another saying I’m sorry I made you cry. Tonight broke me etc etc and then suddenly I reached out and then we spent all of the next day chatting in which he wouldn’t stop and he found it hard to go he kept chatting when he should be going etc, we were Not flirting just usual chat that went on for ages. Then I went out on a night out just 2 days ago and I may have called him in the mornong saying I want to see him let’s make it work an got all emptional, he said dont worry you dont mean this you’re just emtional and will say sorry later… I haven’t said sorry as ashamed to contact him . He came crawling back before after collecting my stuff and he said he was so proud of.me before and how strong I was, he wasn’t wanting to get back with me but was the first sign of him engagaing with me again and seeing me in a positive way… I was scared he only rememwbred the bad times but without me even bringing it up he said we had the best times and how I’m being now is the girl he fell in love with.. I felt mixeduo as he didn’t want me back but I could see tears in his eyes.. he’s a guy who tried to stay strong alotfor not just his own feelings but mine.. (thiswas the night i collected my stuff) then after this night of an emotional call he’s ignored me for 2 days. Is it too late to start the no contact again even after this? I really want him to want me back at first I thought it was impossible and then he started to talk to.me after me collecotng.my stuff and now it’s stopped after this.. what do I have to do. He says he didn’t want to hurt.me and that he can’t be with me right now. There is no1 else but he wants to focus on being hinself again and being free.. I know if we both changed our arugmentive ways and bad temper we could make it work there is clearly still love between us but it’s confusing. The man I KNO would fight so hard, I mean we did but now it’s like he’s put up such a wall the way he talks as if he doenst want me back at all but his body lanaguge and eyes tell a diffent story. I’ve accepted what was wrong in our relationship and I realise our mistakes but I don’t want to let him go..

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 8, 2018 at 11:55 am

Hi Louise,

It’s not yet too late. This time do at least 30 days.

Nancee

February 3, 2018 at 3:29 am

Oh my gosh, I’m a 55 year old woman and I have been writing notes for the past several hours. My break up was mutual with my 50 year old boyfriend, August 2017. We went 15 days, no contact, when he came to see me at work. Ever since I have been in limbo, hot and cold with him. He reaches out, I take it! Our break up was mutual, he said he really wasn’t ready to date. No sex since March 2017 and neither one of us has dated. I need this!
Lis

January 27, 2018 at 10:40 am

Hi, he broke up with me 2 months ago and i completed 30 days of n.c and inititated but he did not respond so i wait like 1 week and tried again but he did not respond that either. And i completed 21 days of n.c and initiate it again he replied naturally because it was a bit emergency situation and i waited 3 days and texted him again but there was no response. So i decided to move on because it makes me realize that he wont response me and he cut off me from his life. I am really successful of showing my ungettble girlness on social media an i become popular on social media. And I did very interesting thing that he cannot imagine and wonder like, how is that even possible?? I am not verrry active on social media but the posts that i am sharing are really attention grabber. I mean i am suprised that i am thinking it is okay to not get him back … And very happy to reach this mindset that i couldnt imagine. But i know that i am still in love with him and really want him back but not with that crazy neediness. And I just wantto say all of you guys thank you for everything. My ex is a very strict man when it comes to decisions and i dont think that he wants to get back with me , but i feel something, he created a instagram ccount after we broke up and was very active on posting but about around 20 days he didnot post anything. The one of the reason he broke up with me that he wants to hang out with friends but i wasnot okay with that and he really wants to do. Is it possible that he understood that those hanging outside sharing photos and being a party boy is not that important when it is come to loved one? I feel that and i know i stalk him still but not that passinate. I stalked him if he do any sharing. Maybe he found someone to date so he cut the sharing that can be also possible. What do you think, am i overthinking? I know i completely cut him into my mind but i just feel that he is thinking of me and mises me. Maybe it is crazy but i just wantto write down here so that I am not save that feelings inside me and makes me feel bad so i shared them. Again thank you for being here.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 30, 2018 at 11:33 pm

Hi Lis,

He probably is thinking of you sometimes, that’s human nature but to base it over his posts, is overthinking. If he really wants to work out, he would have by now.. And if he does show it, let him work for it.

Alexis

January 9, 2018 at 6:01 pm

My boyfriend and I have been on and off a lot. We fight a lot because he has insecurities and issues. We are both in meetings together so we often bump into eachother at meetings. I always stick by him thru his ups and downs becajss we have a mutual understanding of each others issues and we know that we constantly work on ourselves thru the fellowship. We’ve been together 10 months we were so Inlove even thru all of our ups and downs we always got back together… anytime I’d leave he’d call one after another begging me and then when he would leave me I started begging and crying and I showed a weakness way too much were it pushed him away. This time he broke up with me and told me there’s no more hope that he doesn’t ever want to get back with me this time… I have never gone more then 4 days without contact. I started NC 9 days ago haven’t heard a word from him… seen him at a meeting tonight we didn’t even look at eachother or speak. Do you think he will ever contact me again? I am so scared he won’t . The last time we broke up he contacted me on that 4th day saying he misses me so much. Will he ever call & if so when do you think ? When will I know I should give up? By when? If I haven’t heard from him? This is the only time I stood up strong and strictly cut off all contact. He did block me and hasn’t unblocked me yet but throughout our fights we would block eachother and unblock eachother and call eachother from private all the time so it’s notbing new. The only thing New is my reaction like I said it’s been ten days as of tomorrow and I plan on going for 30.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 10, 2018 at 8:27 pm

Hi Alexis,

check this one:
EBR 009: The No Contact Rule If You Work With Your Ex

W

January 9, 2018 at 5:37 pm

Hi Amor, i actually dont know how to actually set a limit . I break every limit i set once he text me . Im going with the flow now, not to say i need to move on straight because i know it’s hard but i chose to go with the flow. Not very keen on getting back tgt with him compared with last time but deep down i still dint wanna give up … what if he doesnt initaite ? Should i initiate and build rapport then ? Will it feel like im chasing again ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 9, 2018 at 9:42 pm

We can’t help you, if you don’t want to help yourself too. Let’s say, give him a month to initiate.. if he doesn’t move on.. and then set a 4 month limit on building rapport, if it doesn’t work, move on.

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