Will He Come Back If You Stop Chasing Him? Yes, Here's Why

320 thoughts on “Will He Come Back If I Stop Chasing Him?”

Alexis

January 9, 2018 at 6:06 am

My boyfriend and I have been on and off a lot. We fight a lot because he has insecurities and issues. We are both in AA together so we often bump into eachother at meetings. I always stick by him thru his ups and downs becajss we have a mutual understanding of each others issues and we know that we constantly work on ourselves thru the fellowship. We’ve been together 10 months we were so Inlove even thru all of our ups and downs we always got back together… anytime I’d leave he’d call one after another begging me and then when he would leave me I started begging and crying and I showed a weakness way too much were it pushed him away. This time he broke up with me and told me there’s no more hope that he doesn’t ever want to get back with me this time… I have never gone more then 4 days without contact. I started NC 9 days ago haven’t heard a word from him… seen him at a meeting tonight we didn’t even look at eachother or speak. Do you think he will ever contact me again? I am so scared he won’t . The last time we broke up he contacted me on that 4th day saying he misses me so much. Will he ever call & if so when do you think ? When will I know I should give up? By when? If I haven’t heard from him? This is the only time I stood up strong and strictly cut off all contact. He did block me and hasn’t unblocked me yet but throughout our fights we would block eachother and unblock eachother and call eachother from private all the time so it’s notbing new. The only thing New is my reaction like I said it’s been ten days as of tomorrow and I plan on going for 30.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 10, 2018 at 8:27 pm

Hi Alexis,

check this one:
EBR 009: The No Contact Rule If You Work With Your Ex

Melissa

January 8, 2018 at 8:36 pm

Hi,
We broke up last summer and it was a really bad break up. He dumped me and I implemented NC for 60 days but after that based on our separation and dismantling our personal stuff, we’ve had several conversations throughout the last few months and met up a couple of times to talk about what went wrong when were together. At first I got the impression that he was very hurt with how things went down in our relationship and the frequency of arguments we had when were together. We even discussed the good times when were together and he told me things about his friends and family as though “we were together” From this point, I got the sense that he was open to reconciling and maybe giving us another chance could be a thing of the near future so I made the decision to visit him one night and to make one more effort to convince him to get back together and went to see him unannounced. He got upset with me and told me that he’s sure of his decision to break up and that we’re not meant to be together and that he thinks its best we maintain space from each other. Not sure where to go from here….

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 10, 2018 at 1:36 am

Hi Melissa,

when was the last time you talked and how many times have you done nc?

Serena

January 6, 2018 at 10:29 pm

Hi! My boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago. I reached out to him a few times after the break up, and when I realized it was not helping, I stopped and tried to begin NC. About a week in, he texted me saying he wanted to apologize for some things and he just wanted some time to think and relax. That built up my confidence so I texted him a few days later thinking he was ready to revisit the idea of us getting back together, but his tone had completely changed and he said maybe in the future, but he could not see us getting back any time soon, and that he wishes he was enough for me, but he left me because he couldn’t take disappointing the girl he loved most. A few days later, he begins texting me again, flirting, talking about old times and how “good we were together” and then stopped answering. I’m beyond confused by the multiple changes in his tone. He’s gone from flirting, to rejecting me, to having an emotional break down, and back to flirting. He told me he still loves me and misses me, and I honestly do believe him and I do want him back, but these constant changes are pushing me away and changing the way I see him. We were very serious and committed, and he admitted that he saw us being together for the rest of our lives until we started fighting and arguing so much. I feel like the best option for me is to back off and not give him any indication that I’m still hoping for us to end up together. It seems like he’s coming around whenever I stop chasing him. Do you think he’ll come back if I take a step back?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 9, 2018 at 8:17 pm

Hi Serena,

we can’t guarantee that but it’s normal for him to miss you because it’s human nature to miss what we’re used to do and whenever he does, he texts you because he’s used to talking to you.. That’s why it’s important to stick to nc to help increase the chances of him thinking that he will lose you because you’re not going to chase him. And it helps you heal and bring your life back together after him breaking up with you.

W

January 6, 2018 at 2:44 am

Hi Amor, im not quite sure abt what he means but probably my immaturity affects. He said some things couldnt change as in he said he dint like the way i talk, he once mentioned before. I knew i have problem communicating and maybe there’s really a problem in the way i talk but idk how to change. He once asked me to not focus so much on getting tgt back but why not do something that i always wanted to do. Maybe like what you said he wants me to focus on myself. Im done with NC now but im not approaching. He approached once and he then did not reply me. Should i approach or just do focus on myself and reply only when he approaches or approach him whenever i feel like?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 9, 2018 at 1:34 am

If you’re going to wait for him to initiate, set a limit on until when you would wait for him to initiate.. If he initiates, set a limit on until when you would try building rapport..

w

January 5, 2018 at 4:06 pm

Hi Amor, one of my friend actually told me that my ex still loves me but just we couldnt get back tgt because he just said he grew up alr. He once told me I’m not the girlf material he wants and he grew up he have to think of more abt a relationship. Nowonder I felt like he somehow still do text me 3 times during my NC and kinda check out on me and see how have i being. What should I do now Amor?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 6, 2018 at 12:07 am

did you mean he thinks you’re immature? If yes, then all the more that you should take it slow and to being more focused in your own life and to give less attention and time to him.. But whenever you do or whenever you talk to him, make it fun.. check this one:
EBR 003: Does Having Your Own Life Help You Get Your Ex Back?

Mei

January 5, 2018 at 6:59 am

Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me cause i’m going for a walk with a “gay” without his permission. I told him the next day about me going with this guy, and he got angry at me cause I didnt report to him the other day.
I know its mostly my fault and its the second time I’m actually going with other guy without me telling him first.
We’ve been dating for about 4 and half months, and he said that the reason he want to break up is not just because of me going with this guy, but also because I put a lot of pressure on him during our date (but he never mention what it is).
He told me that he can never trust me again after what I did to him, and I actually beg for his forgiveness for about more than 1 hour and he still refuse me, saying it will never work. So I ask him if we can still be friends and keep chatting, and he said that its fine as long as I dont put a feeling to it and dont hope too much to get him back.
I was planning on doing NC, but we already chat for almost 2 weeks after our breakup. And he still give me all the care he used to gave me during our relationship.
My question is, will he find it weird if I suddenly do NC to him after chatting for almost 2 weeks? He once said that he still care about me, but doing a serious relationship will never gonna work this time, cause he cant trust me back.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 5, 2018 at 10:41 pm

HI Mei,

send a clean slate text first.. tell him being friends is not workable for you now and thank him for everything and then start nc.

W

January 4, 2018 at 6:51 pm

Hi Amor , my supposed NC was 30 days and i completes it for 28 days. I replied him because i feel it’s better to reply him because it was something serious. But tbh , i feel it’s abit extra for him to text me because he and all our mutual friends have been posting the same thing on social media and so there’s no way for me to not know abt that matter. I’ve done NC twice because i broke it the first time, he texted me for movie after 2 weeks of my first NC and i broke it and i started another one which is the current one. I currently went on a vacay and he actually saw my snap on social media and asked me where did i go and asked if im going alone . I replied him that im going with my family and relatives the next day but he then did not even seen nor reply after that. What can i do ? If he really dont want me in my life and want me to move on, just let me go and leave me alone, why would he actually text me 3 times during my NC tho . And not reply after that . I felt that he is somehow checking on how am i lately and where have i been because i have been constantly posting snaps and all . Or maybe i overthink …
s

January 3, 2018 at 7:36 am

Heart broken, shattered, I met him 2 years ago he was shy bashful, could not look me in the eyes, he was my new neighbor and also a new co-worker in a 1year temporary assignment. Long story short I work for him now, but we do not work for the same entity’s. We had been friends, I took a Job and moved to the area about 6mo before he was finished at the place I had met him took a supervisor job later when he came to the area he was struggling because he needed someone with my skills set I came to help him more because he was my bestie peds because they job was better. My job has been hard on me stressful on me but I wanted more than anything to have his back and see him succeed and I work under a boss with less knowledge and experience than my own she isn’t easy on me, I am not valued for my skillset within my entity though my friend highly values and depends on me on the job. Our close friendship has deteriorated. I’ve gained a less than job and lost him also I’m shattered. crushed. devistated. He had too major credentialing exams most people only take one at a time he signed up to take two the same week at 2 grand per test, he had not anticipated a family member becoming gravely I’ll and dying between signing up for those tests, meanwhile he came back to work a month before the exams, spent 2w playing catch-up and then took additional 2wks off to cram. Well before being off the two weeks he kept saying things like I want to jump off my balcony or I wanna kill myself. He gets sort of morbid some times but he always bounces back I know he’s an introvert and gets super reclusive/doesn’t wanna talk sometimes especially times like this. Maybe he’s just saying that kinda thing because he was stressed I thought but still he is going to be off two weeks from work and he just Lost a major family member. He told me look I am so unprepared more unprepared than I’ve ever been for a test. I am going to need to hibernate a bit so I can prepare. Me though can’t get all the morbid talk I heard out of my head, so I worry what if he is not just saying that stuff what if he really is that depressed gosh being home alone two wks no one checking on him what if something happens and noone find him for two weeks. I have personally known people who weren’t just talk they actually did try to end their selves. I really feel like I need to check on him make sure he’s okay. I swear though I know he was dead serious about not wanting to be bothered, he want to be left alone I know this. I swear it would have been tough I would have missed him but I’d have been ok let him have his space to do his thing, with all the morbid talk and the circumstances. My worrying got the best of me, I needed ping and seek reply, I felt the need to ask if he was ok I felt the need to send encouraging messages. Well I texted him I did all these things. When he came back to work he hated me. He started blaming me that he was going to fail his exam I was interrupting interfering. I cared less that he was angry and more that he was alive I needed to know he was still alive. And I told him as much. I told him I didn’t think it fair for him to say stuff like I hate my life and I want to kill myself and be off the radar. I explained that had he not been in that kinda state I would have found it easier to back off and leave him be. He told me I texted him too much and that I’m too clingy and needy. We’re so far apart now and it hurts now now IDK what to do to salvage thing’s my heart is so broken. As far as taking to me he said if it’s not ABOUT work I DONT CARE. I care about work and dying and nothing else. Even before all of this he had been talking about us always working together, he had told me if things didn’t pan out here we would both go and go together. He talked about us always being a team professionally and of course we were friends too which was great. At random (this is all before he has been out with the sick family member) he ask me out to eat with him 3x in one week after the third dinner together he had remarked friends tell him to buy a house, friends tell him have a family. He chuckled said I’m totally free I don’t have a mortgage or a family to tie me down here I can up and go any time I want I’m not stuck with the stuff I can leave any time if I want. Now he says he doesn’t believe in relationships, he doesn’t think people can really stay together their whole lives with another person and always be happy. Knowing he has this mindset already he recently asked me why do people cheat and when they do who’s fault is it? I know he was devastated by his parents divorce as a teen, and possibly he has been hurt in a relationship too though I don’t have confirmation. But gosh he’s working through a lot of stuff and none the less I care very much for him and hope we’re gonna be okay again one day but I think he’s seriously done with me and doesn’t care like he said. He’s breaking my heart
Lauren

December 29, 2017 at 3:52 am

Hi! So my boyfriend broke up with me a little over 2 weeks ago. We were obsessively in love with each other for a while, but towards the end things started to go down hill. I have depression and it got to the point where I didn’t want to leave my room, go out and have fun, hang out with him and his friends or anything- I just wanted it to be us 2 in a little bubble. We would also argue a lot about stupid things I got mad over like if he said he would do something with me and then hung out with his friends instead. I had no idea that he was unhappy until he broke up with me, telling me how I brought him down and he couldn’t be with me anymore because he wanted to be happy. It was really confusing because he also said he just wants time and space, making me feel like it’s a break, not the end. Now that I know I was hurting him, I’ve been using this time to work on my problems and I know that given a second chance it could be amazing like it once was. I contacted him a few times on a couple of bad days, but it’s been about a week since the last text and I am not texting him anymore. We go back to college in a week, and I’m unsure if I should reach out to him to give my apology, or say nothing. Please tell me what you think I should do, he is the love of my life and I never intended to hurt him or bring him down, and I just want the chance to prove that!

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 31, 2017 at 8:35 pm

Hi Lauren,

how long were you together? The common duration of nc is 30 days.. If you’re classmates, check this one:
EBR 009: The No Contact Rule If You Work With Your Ex

Aisha

December 28, 2017 at 5:11 pm

Hey, So my boyfriend broke up with me November 29. We were going through a dark period of constant arguing (making up and breaking up and i would be doing the leaving him, now he has left me) At first I admit i was on chasing him every three or so days , i even bought him a really special gift because he does music so i bought him a at home studio and sent it to his house. But he has still to come back. I thought the argument we had upon breaking up wasn’t as deep for him to leave me, yes i said some things that really hurt him but it was not as dramatic as cheating or etc. we really loved each other and it showed. The last time i spoke to him was Christmas and it was positive via text, just merry Christmas’s and also saying it was nice knowing you and having you in my life and that’s all. I’m in day three of the no contact rule and afraid if i go too long he will no come back. Our relationship was very serious. He lives in PA and i live in NJ (one hour) i would travel to him. So i know there’s no chance of him seeing me or anything by accident . His birthday is on January 18 and my 30 day no contact is up on January 26 . Do i contact him? Send a gife with no contact? I’m confused and really want him back. At some point of the relationship he did all the chasing and did not, is he really done?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 28, 2017 at 8:28 pm

HI Aisha,

check this one:
“Can I Text My Ex On His Birthday?” Let’s End This Discussion Right Now

Shannon

December 28, 2017 at 4:25 pm

So my boyfriend broke up with me out of nowhere. We were in a LDR because he’s in the military and in another state. But long story short we met 11 years ago in high school, lost touch and then he reached out to me via social media. We talked non stop and began a relationship where we were together for almost 4 months. We talked about a lot of life plans such as having kids and getting married. We knew these things were fast but we both felt the same way. He is also deploying in 6 months and I think that’s the reason why he ended things. After my last visit out, which went amazing, he told me two days later that everything got real and he really thought about it and with everything going on he doesn’t want a relationship right now. Which confused me because when I was there we were face timing with his family, talking about vacations before he deploys, and what our babies would look like. He would say how much I mean to him and how much he loves me. He also said the reason he doesn’t want a relationship is this deployment and he needs to be on his own. So after pouring my heart out and being the typical needy girl, we talked and he said he just needs space and time right now but that he loves me and always will. So right now I’m giving him that and I’m in no contact phase. Trying to focus on myself and bettering myself in the meantime. Granted it’s only been a week but I’m trying to have a positive outlook. No contact will be up around his birthday. So do I text him happy birthday? Also- I feel like I have so many unanswered questions. Is there anything else I should say or do here? I just don’t want to give up on him. I think he’s just scared. Am I wrong or being naive?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 28, 2017 at 5:16 pm

Hi Shannon,

Check this one:
Can I Text My Ex On His Birthday?” Let’s End This Discussion Right Now

Nicole

December 28, 2017 at 1:35 pm

Hi,
I have been with a guy for almost five years. We lived together almost four years. Out of no where, he felt like our relationship wasn’t on the right path and suggested that I move out. He claims that we are just on a break because he is liking his alone time. I invested over $14,000 in his home and I am devestared because I left my own home to move in with him. He sold me the dream that he would never let me go and we would always be together. I am miserable and don’t even know how to begin to find nfsrkd because he is my best friend. We still hang out and attend NFL football games together. Before we got together, his mom was murdered and an ex girlfriend died in a car wreck with him so I am not sure if he is just stressed. He keeps assuring that maybe our circle will repeat and we will start all over. Any ideas of what I should do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 28, 2017 at 8:15 pm

Hi Nicole,

check this one:
EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend

Kimberley

December 27, 2017 at 10:57 am

My boyfriend and I were together for 6 years, we lived together. It was a happy content relationship, both of us said we loved our lives and it was so easy to live with each other – there were hardly any rows and on the few occasions there were, it was quickly sorted and we laughed because it was always about silly things.

We were talking about buying a house together, possibly having children even though neither of us thought we wanted that. All of a sudden, just over a week and a half ago, I felt insecure and could sense something was wrong. I asked him if he was going to break up with me and he said “I’m probably going to break up with you”. I was heartbroken, devastated- I sobbed and sobbed. We talked for a few hours, he said he’d known for a while, things just hadn’t been the same for him – he still liked me but he doesn’t love me anymore. He promised me there was no-one else.

I contacted him everyday where it was necessary and he always replied straightaway but if I ever brought up how sad I was or why this had happened, he went cold and told me I needed to stop messaging. He told me he was going to block me 4 days ago but he didn’t so the next day i messaged him again and said don’t give up on us and he blocked me. It’s now been 3 full days with no contact and it’s killing me. He said he would let me know if he liked my Christmas present but he didn’t and I was heartbroken.

He doesn’t have social media and we don’t have mutual friends so I’m so scared I’m going to lose touch with him altogether.

I’m going back to our flat next week where he will be and he said we would talk but I’m not even sure he’ll give me that anymore

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 28, 2017 at 4:40 pm

Hi Kimberly,

Do you have plans of moving out?

Lilly

December 26, 2017 at 3:02 am

Hi Team,

I was on 19 days NC. Since it was Christmas Eve, he messaged me. We messaged each other a few times to ask how we have been and he told me that he unfollowed me on Facebook and deleted all our pictures so that he could move on. Then he told me that he will drop by my house the next day to give me my gift and to return some of my stuff. I thought that our conversation was going light and well, so I told him that we should catch up soon. He told me “sure, but when we are already totally ok”. He was also firm when he said he will “just give” the gifts, no talks because he’s still not ready – meaning he will just stop his car in the driveway and I will go to his car window to get my gift/things, then bye! So the next day, I made sure I look good, and then we hugged and greeted each other, he complimented me for looking good. Then he told me stories about his dogs for 5 minutes. He hugged me again and told me he missed me. And said sorry for everything he did. After that we messaged again. He repeated his compliments but kept on talking about me having “future boyfriend”, to tell him if I already have one. Then he said that I was the “most kind hearted girl” and that I deserve the best guy. Then stopped messaging me again. I’m scared that he is already closing his door on us. I do not know what to do. Please help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 27, 2017 at 10:11 pm

It went alright because you didn’t beg but you need to restart at least 30 days of nc

Vanessa

December 24, 2017 at 11:51 pm

Dear Team,

Me and well now my ex boyfriend have been on and off for months. All mainly due to petty arguments. I get very persistent while he prefers to run away from dealing with heavy talk. Because of this I came off too needy, too clingy. I chased for a while. But recently he messaged my best friend spamming her with messages telling her to help him. We do not know what that meant because she did not reply. We barely speak. Maybe once a week, and he’s still a bit cold. I am not the only one who has issues with communicating with him, everyone in his life, friends, and family have the same issues. I just seem to be the one who put the spotlight on that flaw. I still want to work it out but I don’t know how to do so without being “clingy”. I know he still cares for me, even if he’s acting cold.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 26, 2017 at 10:25 pm

Hi Vanessa,

Check this one:
How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back

W

December 22, 2017 at 3:34 pm

Hi Amor, my ex contacted me once again . It’s like the third time he texted me during the nc . But the third time he texted me is because he asked me if i know that there’s something serious that happen to one of our mutual friend and since it’s few days left for me to complete my nc so i broke it and reply him cuz it’s ant a serious matter. We then continue to chat abt other things for a week . I wanted to sort of ‘ test the water ‘ abt us , so i replied ‘ hahaha ok ‘ to some of his text , and he actually did start asking me other things . I actually replied something like this a few times alr and he too start a new topic with me . So what can i do now ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 26, 2017 at 4:30 pm

How many days were your supposed nc? And how many times have you redone it?

Jupiter

December 22, 2017 at 6:28 am

Hi Team,

Me and my ex have been on and off for almost 6 years now. Everytime I feel like we are getting close he gets distant. When he meets a girl he likes he puts me in the friend zone and then he comes back when he realizes that the girl can’t give him what I have. We met in high school and we got off to a rough start, but we realized we had many things in common. He tells me how he doesn’t want me in that way, but I have this gut feeling that he wants me more than he’s leading on. I’m very confused he is hot and cold … I’m just tired of chasing. I want him to chase me. When we fight I tell him I’m leaving and he gets sad and tells me he doesn’t want me to leave and then he is sweet and loving. However, two days later he is back to being the distant guy who checks in on me every four hours.

He says things like he doesn’t want to lead me on, however, he wishes he could be mine. Or when we are having a conversation he brings up marrying me or starting a family and then quickly says I’m just playing. I’ve always been there for him and available. So today I decided to start the no contact just see what happens from here.

Am I making the right decision? Is even trying to get him back worth it at this point? Should I trust my gut? I would really like the feedback!! Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 26, 2017 at 1:05 am

Hi Jupiter,

You can still try the no contact rule if you want, but for me you should move on

Mayree

December 22, 2017 at 2:53 am

Hi team, thanks for the reply.

Yes, my posts are public. What should I do now?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 25, 2017 at 9:57 pm

just continue being active in improving yourself and maintaining that routine..so that when you initiate, he won’t think you’re chasing him.

Daisy

December 21, 2017 at 5:25 am

I don’t know if the NC rule would work here because my ex is very insecure and i feel that it would just make him sad and think he needs to just move on since the one person who would kill for him won’t even speak to him anymore. I think he’ll try to move on at that point because he’ll feel i realized he wasn’t worth it

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 25, 2017 at 5:42 pm

Hi Daisy,

the nc rule is not guaranteed to work in any situation.. if he’s really insecure, and he’s afraid to lose you, why won’t he be with you instead?

Eva

December 21, 2017 at 1:10 am

Hey Amor,

thanks for replying.

Can I ask some more?
I will stick to the No Contact of course, but does it make sense since he knows what is going on? We more or less agreed together to the time out.

But with that I lost the surprise effect, rigth?.. so I really ask myself if it will still have an effect on him, if I stay stonehard not texting (?) (Which would be the opposite to what I did before) – and what about Christmas and New Year’s?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 25, 2017 at 4:43 pm

that’s why you need to stick to nc, because he probably expects you to contact him after a days or weeks and your posts are you way of showing you’re not chasing anymore.. We can’t control other people but people almost always regret not having somebody they used to have in their life when that person is gone and especially if that person is successful.

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