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Victoria
May 14, 2019 at 2:52 pm
Hello my ex of over a decade and after our engagement has left me for someone else. He now seems very happy and has moved on so easily whilst I am still hurt and from the since its only been almost 3 months since the breakup. I believe he was going around with his new babe before he broke up with me so I am assuming its not a rebound relationship. At first we still use to keep in contact and he was still willing to support me financially plus was still willing to sleep with me, it is now 2 weeks that i stopped all contact with him and he only called me once to wish me well in my exams then called after to find out how was the exam after then no other contact was made between us to-date.
I am trying to move on and sometimes I am ok but yet I tend to relapse. Can you tell me what to you. I had over a decade to love him and plan my future with him so I am finding it difficult to start planning a new future without him. Seeking your help and advice.
Claudia
April 30, 2019 at 10:56 pm
Hi, My ex just dumped me and a few months later he had another girl, then he dumped her and now hes back with his ex. he used to mention her while we were dating. Although we has marriage plans. :/ Many things happened and we had an awful breakup. I love him, but he doesn’t talk to me, I deleted his number, accounts and everything because I used to text him on my low days and he always rejected me.
I would love to know there’s still hope, but at the same time its hard to accept that he just replaced me and moved on.
Rishika
April 19, 2019 at 4:18 am
My boyfriend of 6 years and I have been going through a very rough patch recently. He’s been suffering from depression and has been having second thoughts about the relationship. He’s pulled away massively and I’ve tried everything to bring him back. Nothing has worked and he told me he’s considering a breakup as he’s at a point of life where he’s not ready for a relationship as he doesn’t have the mental capacity. He’s 21 and I’m 23. I also found chats between him and a girl who is in love with him and on occasions he has reciprocated with stuff saying he is confused and he wants her too and that his life is a mess and he’s depressed. On most occasions he’s not responded positively to her. When I confronted him about her, he said he didn’t mean anything he said to her, that he’s not in love with her and he didn’t see her as anything but a very good friend and that nothing physical happened between them. I find this hard to believe but he’s maintained his stance. I’ve asked the girl and she’s said yes when I asked her if they’ve been physical, but he immediately texted me after saying that she lied because she thought he was better off without me. The girl was very evading of my questions when I asked her what went down between them and she was very rude to me despite my remaining calm. I don’t know what to believe anymore. One day he says he feels his feelings are going, the next day he says he still loves me but is thoroughly depressed to think about it. I really want this relationship to work out but I don’t know what to do. It’s been over a week that we have barely spoken. yesterday I asked him if he’s coming as he was supposed to, he said he didn’t want to come right now and would have seen me in July. I told him I can’t take the indecisiveness that long and asked him if he wanted to give it a shot or break it off. He said he would prefer to end it. So I said I understand, bye and take care and left it at that. Do you think he’ll ever come back?
Amira
April 1, 2019 at 8:36 pm
Hi Chris,
I broke up with my partner of 16years few months ago Iam currently doing the no contract rule and it’s day 21 and he has not contacted me still. I have started to go gym and obtained a new job and become healthy. I love him and don’t know what to do i thought by now he would miss me and think about me and even send me a text to see how Iam expecially being together for such a long time. He isn’t on any social media so I can’t show him how I have improved as a person and his friends are too scared to speak to me because he would hate it. So I don’t know what to do please help me
Chris Seiter
April 1, 2019 at 10:25 pm
Hi Amira.. good job with the work in the gym and the other health activities you are pursuing. I would recommend you track with my Program as it breaks out what you should be doing during NC and how to prepare for the time when you will be reaching out with your first contact efforts.
Alice
March 12, 2019 at 1:48 pm
Hi Chris,
My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago. It happened very out of the blue.
It was my first ever proper relationship.. we date for almost three years. we met at the summer ball we were both 22 at the time, two days before I was set to leave university for good. We were both final years. I told him although I liked him a lot, he was moving to home to Southampton and I was moving back to Birmingham. He said it didn’t matter. We went on a date the last day I had at university.
It went so well. He said goodbye and assured me he would see me again. I wasn’t convinced. That would be too good to be true. But it happened. He travelled on a mega bus coach for 6 hours to see me. He met my family. Staid with us for a week.
I knew he was different from all the other people I had met. From this we hit it off and started dating long distance. He then got a job and moved to London.
For about a year and a half he had wanted me to move in with him in london. It had been his idea. I held off moving because I wasnt ready. And I couldn’t get a well enough paid job. He had an economics degree. I had a theatre degree. It was a lot harder for me. I got a job at home as a legal assistant. I knew this career would earn for money and help me move to London to be with him. He works as a financial analyst.
Anyway, in April last year my grandad died 🙁 I found life incredible difficult. He was like a father to me and it was the first death I had ever experienced. It was very worrying. He struggled in hospital for almost a year before. It was a tough time for me but it didn’t impact our relationship. I didn’t want it to. We still made time for eachother at the weekends and would visit every weekend. When grandad died he was very supportive. Attended the funeral with me. Held me when I cried. He even cried himself. He hates me being upset.
He even wrote in a valentine’s card once that he wanted to make me the happiest girl ever.
Anyway. Story goes on. We went about our relationship as normal. Strong as ever. Very in love. Everything was fine.
In January this year however. I left my job. It was stressful and I was being very badly bullied at work. I had our up with this for a year. And couldn’t do it anymore. I left with no job to go to. But Adam said he fully supported my decision. He was aware of what I had been through at work this entire time and had said I needed a new job.
Anyway I left. We had a holiday in january. The week after I left my job. It was during my birthday on the 14th. We had had this booked for a while. He had paid for the whole thing up front for us. I hadn’t got the money to afford it. So we agreed I would pay him back once I could. After loosing my job he said not to worry and if be able to pay him back in small chunks when I got a job. We went skiing together. My ex loved skiing. And was so excited to share this with me. I had never been and he had only recently the year before went himself with a friend and loved it.
We went skiing and had the best holiday ever. He bought me tickets to a musical theatre show for my birthday. I love musicals and my idol is the lead. The tickets are booked for the 18th march so it’s very soon.
Anyway he must’ve thought he would still be with me then at that time.
When we got back from holiday i started looking for jobs. Applying to many every day. I’d get up early and keep working until late at night applying to jobs on London. I decided I would try and get a job I loved doing. I went for theatre talent agency work. I went for interviews. Some bad experiences some lovely. I was visiting London and staying with him for interviews. We were fine. I had four interviews within the space of a month and a half. It was a stressful time being jobless. I had a lot of doubt I was capable of getting a job I loved. My confidence was knocked by my previous job bullies.
Just less than two weeks before our break up, the last time I visited London for an interview (and the last time I saw him before he broke up with me.) We had an argument about rent. It wasn’t a heated arguement. Just we strongly disagree with eachother. We never shouted at eachother. I was in London staying with him the night and I was going for an interview the next morning. He would be earning double what I was on if I got this job. We were discussing rent. And placed to live. Locations and things. He wanted to split 50/50. That would leave me destitute. And in London it would be very bad. I’d love to work and go to sleep. I wouldn’t have money for lesiure. The places he was looking at were actually sort of out of my price range. But London being London there wasn’t anything that would be in my price range. I said maybe I should take the job or bother going to interview. And he said no and that I should go. So I did. We had a debate about how fairly to split rent.i honestly wish I had just agreed with him. To argue about money was horrible.
He wanted to split 50/50 but I thought splitting it propritonally to our salaries was the best way. That way it wouldn’t leave me destitute and it would still have him save money. He would be better off still.
Currently he pays around £700 on rent for just him. However if I had moved in and we paid 50/50 he would be paying £500 and I’d have paid £500.
If we split it how I wanted to, which was 60/40. He would have paid £600 and me £400. This seemed fairest to me. He was still saving money. And I wasnt going to be left destitute. I didn’t see a problem. He did though. He said it was like him giving me pocket money. And that it was hide responsibility for him to pay more. He didn’t see it as fair or equal.
We have always been very equal in our relationship. We would split the bill going out to eat. We would take it in turns fairly to pay for meals.
He was always talking about money. And how to save money and things. Now I look back. He was kind of in love with money.
After talking it over for ages. We came to the conclusion that it was fairest my way. He said it it makes me happy and it lessens my concerns and worries about moving to London and affording things. He would do it.
After that I went for the interview in the morning. Everything was normal. He kissed me goodbye and called me beautiful like always and wished me luck.
I went for the interview. It went super well and I phoned him after he was asking about it. We had a super positive chat.
He came back from work. We decided I stay for another night because we liked having eachother around.And we went for dinner at dinner we had a talk about moving location. The job I went for an interview for was south London. I suggested we move somewhere in the middle of our places. He works central London. And lives in zone 2. He strongly disagreed we move anywhere near the south of London because of poorer connection. He was very assertive that we stay central. I was saddened as my commute would be atleast an hour if not more.. but when he showed me how poorly connected with tubes and trains were I agreed we should stay in central.
We are our meal and left. Carried on completely normal. We were fine still. We’ve always been good at communicating and navigating disagreements in a calm and mature way.
That weekend he was set to go home for his sister’s birthday present that hd been booked. It was gokarting.
I didn’t see him for a week and a half and we went pretty quiet on me. I said he was very busy at work. I was aware beforehand that there was a big deadline looming and he was working until midnight some nights. This had happened last year and he went quiet then and so i trusted and assumed it was okay. Everything was still fine. I got offered two interviews that week. On the Friday. I asked if I could come down on Thursday night to sleep and wake up early to get to the interviews. He said he would rather I didn’t because his housemates had got angry about me staying so often recently for interviews and auditions.
I was surprised. But it sounded true because his housemates were always moody about noise and his contract doesn’t actually permit overnight visitors.
I said okay and just went the Friday to the two interviews. and went home the same day. Both interviews went really well snd I tried to phone him after each one like we usually did to give him an update. But he didn’t pick up. I assumed he was just busy. We hadn’t spoken very much at all. We agreed he would come this weekend and see me in birmingham. I then got offered the job I had interviews for that day at around 6pm they wanted me to start Monday. I messaged him saying so. He didn’t reply and then messaged me around 8pm saying he wasn’t going to get to mine tonight as he was still at work. He said he would come on Saturday instead. This had happened in the past too so I didn’t read into it. I thought maybe he was angry about the rent thing and maybe he wanted to have a serious chat about that again. But I didn’t ever expect he would break up with me. Not at all.
I wake up Saturday excited to see him and talk about our future together..this weekend was going to be the start of us planning our lives together! I was going to start a dream job in London in two days time.
He didn’t text me for hours on saturday. It got to half 2 in the afternoon and I tried to phone him. I wondered maybe he had had a late night and he was having a massive lie in. I started to worry soemthing was up but mostly thought he would just be late. He didn’t pick up my call. He texts me at 3pm saying he was now on the train and would be at mine for half 3. The train from London to Birmingham is almost 2hours. So he had been on that train without messaging me all day. Was he just going to turn up unannounced? I was confused and this mad men worry
he asked what everyone at home was up to. I said Mom was out on a course all day, my sister was at work, it was just me in. I’m at home in my PJ’s. No make up on. Totally unprepared for what is about to go down. He turns up to the door. And I answer all smiles. A big hello to him. He stood there in the doorway. He hadn’t washed. He had a weeks growth of his beard. He looked a mess and he his expression was like no other I had seen before. He looked nervous and sad and worried. Mostly numb though.
He walks in lifeless. And sits down in my lounge. Saying come on let’s talk about this weekend. I stood at the door.
“You’ve met someone else” I said.
He says “come on sit down” I repeat myself. He said no I haven’t. Just come an sit down.
I said your are scaring me. What’s going on as I sit down.
He says ” I don’t want you to live with me anymore.” He croaks this out. And says it in a lifeless and sad way. Like he could cry.
I’m in shock. I ask him what brought this on. And he said he hadn’t been enjoying our relationship these past few weeks.
My heart sank. I cried a lot. I went to get. Glass of water
We talked. I can’t really remember. I think I want asking what I had done. I said he had met someone clearly. And I begged him to just tell me if that was it because it would make things easier for me to understand. I guessed at what it was that had caused this a lot.
He said he knew I was trying to work it all out but it wasn’t any of that. He just didn’t love me anymore.
A side note to this story… When he first moved to London he had done this before. He was all stressed about all the change. Hi mother smothering him as he left home. I had spent a few days with him and I think it all overwhelmed him. He said he didn’t know if our relationship would work out then. But he quickly changed his mind that time and we never broke up. He said that he would’ve regretted it had he have broken up with me then.
I brought this up. I said to him. Remember you almost did this before. Are you just stressed out at work, overwhelmed with change and pressure. Is it the rent? He said no. He said it just wasn’t going to work out. He said sorry a lot.
After a while he asked for his spare keys to his place in London. We went up to my room and I got them for him I gave him a few other things in my room.
He went downstairs to put his shoes on and I cried and cried silently.
He could see I was pained.
I went downstairs and he said he should go. I said I didn’t know what was worse. Someone falling out of love with you or someone meeting someone new. He didn’t say anything. He looked so sad.
We both were. He came up to me and gave me a hug as i stood there lifeless. I looked at him and said “we will never see eachother again will we”. He hugged me close and cried on my shoulder. I said please don’t cry I don’t want you to be sad. I don’t want you to be in pain. He cried and I cried and we were both very sad. Crying and holding eachother tight.
He then went to the door. I said goodbye. Stood in disbelief. He said sorry and shut the door.
As he walked away down my road he was crying hysterically.
We didn’t talk again. The next day (Sunday) I came across the tickets he had bought me for the 18th march. I cried and cried. I decided to text him in the evening asking if I could still go. I dropped in that I was going to France on Wednesday so to please let me know. He text back immediately saying “Of course you should go. I really hope you are ok, I’m sorry with the way everything turned out. I hope you enjoy France .”
I didn’t reply. I was going to France with my sister because she had planed to go ages ago and she booked me flights to go with her as soon as he broke up with me on that Saturday.
It’s been over a week since he broke up with me. I got back from France yesterday. I expected he would’ve contacted me. Regretting it. Especially at the weekend as he used to spend every weekend with me. That’s when I thought he would miss me most.
I’ve heard nothing from him since that ext about the tickets.
What’s worse is he doesn’t have social media. So he can’t see what I’m doing and I can’t see what he’s doing. We didn’t have mutual friendship groups. So I can’t ask.
It’s like he never existed and all I have as proof is photos, gifts and cards written by him.
My heart is broken. I don’t know how to move on. I wish I knew why this happened.
The longer time goes by the more with think mage he did meet someone.
But I sway everyday between he met someone !! To… it was money (rent disagreements) and living together pressures and the sudden job offer immediately.
I don’t know what it was. I can’t get over it.
Can you offer me your opinion? Do you think he has someone new?
Why did he break up with me?
Does he regret it?
🙁 What happened.
Do you think he will come back?
Chris Seiter
March 12, 2019 at 8:39 pm
Hi Alice….I offered you some thoughts in some previous messages!
Monika
February 19, 2019 at 3:38 pm
I met a guy 2 years ago and when that happened I instantly heard from our mutual friend that he liked me. But I was in a long-term relationship back then. After I ended that relationship I wanted to be alone for a while and so I was. I went abroad for 3 months and I travelled a lot, I focused on my dreams. When I came back I was a different person, I was healed, self-confident and happy. I guess he noticed me again cause he invited me for a New Years Eve party. And we started to date. It was him who initiated all of our dates and he seemed like he cared a lot. After a month he introduced me to his entire family, not to mention the fact that we hung out really often at his place. And then, all of the sudden he stopped texting me. I thought that maybe he needed some space so I let him. I texted him once and I sensed that he is different and distant so I didn’t want to push him, I patiently waited for him to come back to me. But he didn’t. After a week of silence, we met and he told me that it’s over because he had no feelings for me anymore. I was really understanding and thanked him for honesty. But I really care about this man. Is there any chance that he will come back to me?
Jejju
February 18, 2019 at 6:05 pm
Hi Chris
I have read your blog every time we separate and then he came back I also accept… this time I need your advice… he abused me with bad words for doing nothing. He always assumes I have a new guy or flirting or someone is having crush on me. We are in long distance. I cannot keep proving him always and I was so pissed this time when he abused me with bad words. I stopped contacting and said I am done with you. Then after a month he comes and says sorry for doing this I will never abuse or tak bad words, he said I can live anyway I want but he needs me. He is not a person of sorry and regrets, so when he did that I was scared to accept and still spoke to him but just vague answers. I still damn love him chirs. When I ignored him more he lost it and again started telling bad words and told he never wants me back in his life and he knew my character and he left me. Now it’s been 2 weeks and no sign of him at all. I did not want this breakup. I want him to trust me 100 percent and believe me. Stay with me. I wanted him to realize but not leave… I know his ego and attitude will not let him come back to me. I want to know will he come back someday and realize my love… I will not allow anyone in my life Chris, I will love him always no matter what happens but I will still improve my life. I am a photography student and planning o start my business and be bold enough to handle everything… but this part of love life is making me numb… I use to get so many dreams about him when ever we have huge fight and separate… it’s been so many days I dnt feel any emotions and I am so numb and feel Pale dead … I don’t have words to explain this feeling… I dnt even get dreams about him anymore. Will he never come back to me?
Nani
February 5, 2019 at 9:49 am
Hi Chris!
We finally broke up last week, he told me he couldn’t do it no more. We were having this issue few times, and everytime he had this thought, he said he cant love me and hes not in love with me. But he’s willing to try. And last week, he told me, he had enough. He dont want to this anymore. He said, all this while he was staying was just because he pitied and feel guilty towards me. But he’s been giving false hope like meeting my family, do nice stuffs and showed how much he completely care for me. Before the final break up, he was caught up cheatinv with his ex. But he begged for me to stay. After two weeks, he changed his mind again. And when i begged him to stay, with that frustrated face, he said no. He lash out and looked so very pissed. I think he was annoyed.
So Chris, do you think he will ever be regretting of going back to his ex? He said he always have doubts when he was with me. And now that he said he was very sure of what he wanted which was going back to win his ex again. Will he be happy then? Will he regret leaving me?
Lissa
January 13, 2019 at 4:18 pm
Hi Chris,
Was in a three year live together relationship. Got into an argument about 2 months ago and he left to stay at his parents for a few days which had now been 2 months. All along he’s been saying he just doesn’t know about us anymore and can’t give me an answer either way. So saying we weren’t broken up but not sure if he was ready to come home. We still texted the same, he still visited and occasionally spent the night. Then last Friday, he broke up with me. He’s said the words before so I didn’t take it seriously, especially when he tried to show up to sleep over that very same night. A few days passed and I got wind he had been seen out with another girl. She’s my ex’s ex! So I confronted them and he and this girl both told me they are just new friends with no intentions of anything else. We text battled all week and he said he was coming Thursday to pack some of his stuff. Instead he showed up Thursday asking to not pack and not talk but just hangout. We did, I foolishly let that turn I to him spending the night because I thought it meant he changed his mind, we laughed and had an amazing night just like we always do when he’s actually home. He showed up the next day with boxes being really cold saying he already told me we were over. I was so hurt and confused. So we talked for an hour, he had to go and texted me that he needed a week to really think things through. And he wanted the week to be completely apart and even more distant than it’s already been for two months. I’m so lost in what I do from here. Please help!
Chris Seiter
January 13, 2019 at 11:04 pm
Hi Lissa!
So things are still fresh and I know its rough. But are going to get thru this. Best to have an ex recovery plan to help you thru all the post breakup decisions you will be making. People feelings are vulnerable and easily bruised after a breakup so No Contact sometimes helps you get the space you need to start some healing.
Felicis
December 27, 2018 at 8:24 pm
Hi! I have been in a relationship for 4 years and about to 3 months ago my bf broke up with me.
He took me for a ride and all of a sudden he told me that we should no longer be in a relationship and told me that I am a nice girl and he doesn’t want me to change for someone. Until now I don’t know the real reason that took him to make this decision and for 2 months we didn’t text to each other.
Initially I beg him to not break up with me and then I just saw that I would need some help so I went to a psychologist and had made some improves to myself in order to feel better. I change my haircut, I did things that never have the courage for and I saw my real friends. I know that I am a different state of mind now.
About 1 month ago, I went out with some friends and I found him. He came to greet me and I noticed that he touch my arm and couldn’t make eye contact with me. On the same night he was talking very loudly and my cousin just told me that when I went to the bathroom he asked her where I had gone and if I was okay.
The nest day he break the no contact rule and sent me a message saying that he was fine for seeing me well and that one day he liked to talk to me without any kind of intentions. I told him I would like to take that opportunity to talk to him but I was not prepared.
I don’t know what to think, he is a very racional person and I think that the real problem was in is mind, I always imagine my life with him, he just have the fear of commitment and went to a existential crysis, the 30 years old crysis.
Chris Seiter
December 27, 2018 at 8:34 pm
Hi Felicis!
First of all, 4 years is a good amount of time together and that results in roots being put down and traction. This could help down the road. You should be proud of yourself for some of the changes you made to feel better and the new state of mind. That can take you a long ways no matter what happens.
Its a good thing that you are exhibiting your personal power, showing him how you are processing all of this. Time will tell if he was stuck in his head. So when you proceed with meeting up with him in the future….take it slow. Try not to hash it all out. Just get to know each other again and enjoy the moments together.
Donna
November 7, 2018 at 3:29 am
Hi Chris,
I was dating a guy for a few months (no title, but exclusive and both on the same page about not seeing or sleeping with other people). He’s a bit younger than me and has never had a girlfriend. The longest he’s even kept in contact with the same girl was 3 months.
I am the first girl he’s ever felt “this way” about, longest in his life, and we speak about marriage, children and the future.
Our feelings grew quick and strong. When this happened, he freaked and tried to end it. He regretted his decision hours later and came to ME for reassurance. He admitted that he doesn’t know how to handle how strong he feels.
Things continued to grow (both of us on the same page and communication about NOT being ready for a relationship and just enjoying the flow). And he then decided to take a break. I gave him his complete space and no contact. It lasted 1 week before he came back, saying he really missed me and really knew he liked me. I really continued to go with the flow, not expect “boyfriend/girlfriend” actions, and we spoke every day.
Lastly, I wasn’t feeling well one night when we were together and I didn’t communicate this with him because I didn’t wanna be a “burden” or girlfriend type asking for help. I was quiet and not myself and he noticed. He kept asking what was wrong but I went home without explanation. We didn’t speak for 2 days and I was sad and confused and selfish thinking “he doesn’t care that I’m not myself”. I finally reached out, he reacted by wanting to “breakup” and I simply told him I didn’t believe him. I finally explained why I wasn’t feeling well 2 nights prior. He completely regretted saying he wanted to end it. He explained that my 2 day silence turned into his insecure assumptions about ME not being interested in HIM anymore, so in order to NOT get hurt he tried to end it first. He was in disbelief about how confident I was when he tried to end it (so was I) and thanked me for continuously fighting for us.
We progressed, started having phone conversations (this is how SLOW we were really taking things!) and I left for 2 weekends back to back for family vacations. I felt our connection stronger while being away.
When I came back, he wasn’t initiating to see me yet we spoke every day even on the phone. My anxiety was growing and I was confused. I bottled up these emotions for a few days and then I exploded. I exploded in the sense where I vented to him about his distance and how I deserve 20 mins of his time (just to see him in person and hug him) especially that I don’t ask for anything at all. He was quiet “I didn’t see it from that perspective, I’m sorry”. I was on the verge of tears and fed up. “I guess I’m not doing a good job” he said lastly before I went home.
I knew I was harsh, I knew I didn’t communicate properly. The next day, I apologized again and he ended it saying “I just need to tell you this is getting too serious for me” and “this is what I meant when I said I didn’t want commitment”. I called him, we spoke and he kept saying he didn’t know, maybe HES screwed up because he never had a girlfriend, he doesn’t know how to care for someone and has never received “caring” from anyone. He tried to casually end the conversation by asking about my day etc. In respect of myself, before hanging up I asked him “is this a yes or a no?” And he said no. Then he said I just wanna be alone. We hung up and it’s been over 3 weeks of no contact.
We both have never felt this way with other people as we do for each other (I was previously in a 4 year relationship). He’s insecure about what his next career move will be and he’s lost about his direction in life for himself (he’s expressed this to me numerous times). I truly know I was never one to ask for much and our conversations and time spent together have always been amazing. I truly believe in him and in us and I don’t know what to do. I have a hard time believing he may have moved on and has forgotten about me. It’s hard when I didn’t get a concrete answer as to “why”.
Do I fight for this?
Chris Seiter
November 8, 2018 at 3:21 am
Hi Donna!
I think you would regret it if you didn’t turn over all the stones. My advice is to take a look at some of my ex recovery eBooks as I crystalline the information such that your game plan is more clear and detailed.
Lisa Fourqurean
October 24, 2018 at 1:50 am
Hi Chris I am really going through it
10 days ago my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me. He stated that he is not happy with where he is in life and that he feels himself slipping back into depression. He stated he would see counselor but refused to take meds. Hos sister said he is having a hard time. He hasnt contacted me yet.and I have not contacted him either
Chris Seiter
October 24, 2018 at 3:18 am
Hi Lisa!
Hang in there…it will get better with time and with a focus on your own healing. It seems that he needs some space and a counselor to talk with. Meanwhile, you should get up to speed on my program. Visit my home page to tap into resources I offer there.
Ging ging
September 28, 2018 at 9:36 pm
Thank you so much for sharing your expertise..I recently discovered that my ex has someone new and they slept together maybe in couples of months. I already had a suspicions . he changed abruptly towards his treatment on me and our relationship. I finally proven his cheating. Without any harsh words after confrontations though he totally denied his cheating but through the defensed he sent in his texts or his messages he also was caught on it..so after I nicely confrontated him I stepped back and applied no contact rule…in my 3 days of implemetations he texted me and frantically called me….his last text seems shows jealousy…but I didnt entertained him because I truly have a goal to complete the no contact rule period. Everytime I feel sad I only pray the Lord…In my 5 days now in my no contact I feel something happening in me …Yes , pain is still there but no contact rule motivates me so much for my healing….recovery …and determination to get my bofriend back.
Chris Seiter
September 29, 2018 at 3:46 am
Hi Ging!
I know this is painful, but you will get through this an No Contact principle if practiced properly can do a lot in the healing department for you and the relationship. Consider picking up my very special topic 247 page ebook, “The No Contact Rule Book”. I cover it all and focus a good deal on the all important personal recovery element as well.
Claire
August 29, 2018 at 7:49 pm
This page has helped me a lot I’m 32 and he’s 37 I was in a long term relationship for 5 years and engaged got a house togther last Feb and even a dog last June we’ve never gone through any rough patches just always got on. He would often tell me how much he loves me and looking forward to our future togther. Even told his mum how lucky he was to have found me. He was the one who was keen to get engaged as he was even the main wedding organiser. Our friends (2 couples) wanted to go skiing earlier this year but I opted out due to saving for the wedding and looking after the dog plus not massive fan anyway. One of our friends decided to bring their recently divorced best friend along to the holiday instead. I wasn’t thrilled but 100% trusted him as had no reason not to he wasn’t a ladies man and after all we’d just bought a car togther and planning a wedding and super happy. We were in contact through the holiday and telling me he loved me etc but when I picked him up from the airport he was fine but a bit grumpy. I put this down to travelling. It was valentines and he cooked my favourite meal bought me flowers but was a bit distracted I asked him if he was okay and he said fine but continued to be a bit distracted. 7 days passed and I had a feeling in my stomach so I asked him honestly what was wrong then a admitted he fancied this person and “couldn’t stop thinking about her as she was hot” I was heartbroken – friends told me they flirted on holiday and warned him it wouldnt be happening if I was there etc (she threw herself at him) he assured me nothing happened and even said he wished it had as these feelings were not logical in his head. I moved out to stay with friends but since found out he’s went up to see her 2 weeks later (she lives 3hrs away!) 4 weeks later he took her to a wedding we were supposed to be to be going to. His/our friends and family are completely shocked and no one saw this coming as we were the perfect couple! It’s been 2.5 months now and doing my best to move on she’s just a direct replacement of me! And completely opposite to what he likes – it’s gut wrenching. He’s thrown everything away for a holiday romance he is desperately trying to make work – surely it can’t last once honeymoon period is over?!
Chris Seiter
August 30, 2018 at 1:22 am
Glad for you Claire…glad its helping you. Lots of content and resources here, so feel feel free to explore. I think your personal healing and recovery should take center stage.
Sarah Matthews
August 22, 2018 at 7:29 am
I was with my ex for 4 months and he broke up with me becuase he hasn’t fully dealt with his divorce and is finding it hard to give me what he feels I deserve (I too have gone through a nasty divorce). Our relationship was going well, we got along really well, no arguments, fun nights out etc. We were about to go on a second short holiday and I know he gets grief from his ex about their daughter which he finds incredibly stressful and so he ended things just before we were going. I know he hasn’t handled things well but I had fallen for him and handled the end respecting his wishes and with grace and dignity. Once I did this I immediately had some kind words back from him, an offer to meet for a ‘friendly drink’ down the line and bizarrely a selfie of him with his newborn nephew. I have undergone N.C. since and it has been 3 days. It’s hard to think how to self improve as I had to do a ton of this since divorce anyway and I’m pretty sure nothing I did contributed to the ending. I’m finding it really tough and am obviously wandering if he’s even thinking about me at all. I can see now that I was probably a rebound relationship but I still feel we had so much going for us if the circumstances were different. I’m worried the N.C. scenario might not be right in this case becuase he has a lot of stress in the background and am worried how about how to deal with any further contact from him in the near or distant future which I have a feeling will happen as I really don’t think he was 100% about ending things but couldn’t cope with the extra stress in his life. Any thoughts or help would be appreciated. Thanks
Chris Seiter
August 25, 2018 at 12:15 am
Hi Sarah!
You might want to pick up my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”. It gets into self improvement and recovery intiatives in some detail as well as how to best implement the no contact rule. Its a pretty extensive book, 247 pages…nothing quite like it on marketplace. It gets into how you can adapt NC and make it work for you and how to modify the period of NC depending on certain developments and past history.
Jasmine Welch
August 22, 2018 at 1:07 am
So me and my boyfriend happen to be in the same friendship group and we were best friends before we got together. In the past few months, he’s finished things twice. The first time he was so certain he didn’t want to be in a relationship until he saw me a week later and begged for me back. The second time( which is currently happened) happens after an argument at a party, he decided he couldn’t do it anymore and a few days later went away with his friends to xante (where is he now ) and ended up having sex with someone else. He is still on holiday and claims ‘ if he wanted to be with me he wouldn’t of done it’. Will this change? What can I do to make him want me back? And is he just showing off?
Chris Seiter
August 22, 2018 at 3:17 am
Hi Jasmine!
Your ex sounds a bit immature in how he is managing things in the relationship. I think implementing no contact would be the best medicine and having an ex recovery plan so you understand all the ins and outs will be helpful as well. You can go to my site’s home page to learn more about some of my resources.
Megan
August 21, 2018 at 4:30 pm
I am going through a really tough breakup at the moment. My ex and I broke up almost a month ago now after a few explosive arguments, I just couldn’t take it anymore and asked ‘is this it?’ We kept in contact for 2 weeks, we met for dinner and he basically said he wants to work on himself and his growing business. I then asked for no contact as it was all too hard for me. He wasn’t willing to fight or try and work on what we had, he said he didn’t feel any emotion. My ex suffers from depression, he stopped taking his medication around 5 months ago. In the last few months of our relationship, he became an unrecognisable person to me. He showed no interest in me, he was always irritable, low mood and wouldn’t look me in the face for the majority of our conversations. I often suggested he go back to his GP and get medication for his depression and he would fly off the handle and tell me to stop moaning. I’m the only person who knows about his depression, any time we were out in company he would act like a completely different person than the person I always got to see. He has now however went back on his medication since our split. I have stuck to no contact, which I know will be a shock to him as I was the one who was willing fighting for us. He blocked me off Instagram the other day, which I didn’t react to either. I’m just curious as to what he’s actually thinking? Was it just the case that he didn’t want to be a with me and didn’t know how to end it? Or is he genuinely just lost and overwhelmed by his work and depression? Any kind of help to ease my mind would grateful.
Chris Seiter
August 21, 2018 at 10:23 pm
Hi Megan!
I am so sorry you are going thu tough times, but time will help mitigate this along with a strategy to focus on your personal recovery. That is key. I think sticking with No Contact will benefit you and optimize your chances going forward. Having an ex recovery plan is important so go to my home page and look at the resources I have there!
Soledad
April 6, 2018 at 10:33 am
SO, per Chris’ request, here goes a shortened version:
I was wih my bf a little over two years, we clicked instantly, had great chemistry and connection in every aspect, we fell deeply in love, I’m 34 he’s 29. He has a very unhealthy relationship wih his mother, she smothers him 24/7, sends him texts constantly, even though he lives alone, she goes by his house almost everyday and cooks for him, buys him clothes, etc. Sometimes he doesn’t like her invading him but mostly it doesn’t bother him. She intrferes in every aspect of his life, he cannot make a decision without asking her, he tells her absolutely everything and in his eyes she can do no wrong, but she tretas him as if he where a 5 year old, its a case of enmeshment (I believe that’s what its called), as a result, he’s super insecure about everything in his life and has low self esteem.
So at first I got along with her fine (Aforgot to mention she’s seriusly delusional, she has psychiatric issues), but the whole relationship with my now ex bf bothered me, eventhough I never asked him to change that. End of last year, she meddled with something very important of mine, private, lied to her son about it and he sided with her. I knew I would loose him to her the moment I confronted him about it and thats what happend, after a few arguments, and several tries, he broke up with me; our connection and chemistry were intact until the end.
Its been a month since the breakup, I’ve been doing NC for about two weeks, but I am afraid he will take it as a rejection, since he has a very sensible and sensitive personality. He said he didn’t want to stop talking to me…recently he told his father that he is really confused and needs time, but what I wanna know is: does he miss me, does he think of me, is there a chance for us? It could never be whatnit was, but I dont’t want to not have him in my life…I thought I had found the one, despite everything…
Chris Seiter
April 7, 2018 at 4:54 am
I think the best bet here is to kind of not give in to your fears and give the nc rule a try.
I know you are scared he’ll take it as rejection but you know what…
That’s how I want him to feel.
We need to create a sense of urgency and a fear of loss.
This will be a great starting point to do that.
Soledad
April 7, 2018 at 3:30 pm
Thank you Chris! I know I’m doing the right thing doing NC, specially since a few days after the break up I texted hiim “I miss u” and he lashed out at me, telling me absolutely everything I had done wrong, and several times I asked him to admit that he too had been wrong, his response? “I know I’m not perfect but enough is enough”. His disturbing relationship with his mother has completely destroyed him and his self esteem, if you so much as raise your voice at him, he thinks you are attacking him, but he has a kind soul (I’m not idealising him, dont worry!)
Again, withthose last few texts we exchanged, I was the last one to write, so the ball is in his court, so to speak. And I’m trying to convince myself that those angry texts he sent are better than nothing, if he’s angry, he must feel something…maybe I’m wrong, dont know really.
Thank you for answering personally to my post!
Chris Seiter
April 7, 2018 at 9:48 pm
One thing I hear almost no one out there talking about is the important of timing.
Sometimes if the timing isn’t right you can do everything right and still fail. The no contact rule kind of helps that process along.
Soledad
April 9, 2018 at 8:44 pm
It´s me again…I´ve been going crazy, really, today marks one month since the break up, a little over two weeks since no contact. My ex father in law texted me and said my ex had told him he´s confused and needs time (don´t remember if I had already mentioned this)
The thing is, and again I cannot emphazise enough that my ex is not like any other guy, his sensitivity is through the roof, that´s both what makes him a wonderful guy, but it´s also one of his biggest flaws combined with the low self esteem. Just wanted to comment that he did not break up with me once, but three times, first one I begged him and he agreed, a week later he broke up with me again, but the following day asked me for time, because he didn´t know what to do, until he finally broke it up for good four days later (every time HE bawled his eyes out, cried non stop). And then he wrote those angry texts I mentioned earlier. Am I naive to think his feelings haven´t changed eventhough he said they had? The way the break up unfolded was weird, he seemed to go back and forth not knowing what to do, now he tells my father in law he is confused….am I reading too much into things? I cannot stop thinking about him, thinking all we could have done differently (hindsight is 20/20 I know) and I keep obsessing over everything! should I just give up, accept that it´s over and move on? Because I don´t want to keep holding on when maybe nothing changes…(I am working on myself, therapy and group therapy, excercise, work)
I´m determined to maintain NC though…but like I said in my previous post, don´t know how he will take it…I do know it will give him time to process everything.
I´m going nuts Chris, really…
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 12:25 am
Hi again. I know if feels crazy for you now, but it will get better. This may not be over yet! You just need a blueprint of some kind to help you along. Consider my ebook, “Ex Recovery Pro” which you can find in this website’s “Product” section. Just click on my Menu to find your way there! It is chalk full of strategies and tactics!
Soledad
April 8, 2018 at 2:09 am
Yeah, I’m determined to maintain NC…..and in the meantime work on myself, getting stronger emotionally.
Thank you again, Chris!
Soledad
April 5, 2018 at 7:22 pm
Forgot to mention, I was with my bf for a little over two years.
Chris Seiter
April 6, 2018 at 12:08 am
I don’t mean to delete your comment but do you think you can shorten it a bit for me. I’m almost out of gas answering today and you said something in there that I’m not allowed to let be on this site.
Emotional In… you get the picture.
Soledad
April 6, 2018 at 7:27 pm
Chris, thanks! I wrote the comment again this morning from my ipad and it said it was awaiting moderation, but now from a pc the comment is not showing, any way that you have it somehow on your records? I dont want to have to type it again.
Chris Seiter
April 7, 2018 at 4:57 am
I got you all taken care of!
Soledad
April 6, 2018 at 10:17 am
Ah, ok! Sorry about that.
Shelby
March 23, 2018 at 2:09 am
Hey there! So my boyfriend broke up with me about a month and a half ago. It was very unexpected and a little messy because we had been drinking the night it happened. We were pretty serious to have only been dating four months. I really thought he was it for me, we just got along so well and had so much in common. Both of our families thought so too. He had invited me to go on vacation with his family in April and taken me to look at a house he was thinking about buying. Even asking me if I could see myself living there! He had told me he loved me (drunkenly, I will admit). His reason for the breakup was that “he didn’t feel like he should about me”. I personally think he got cold feet because he slowly started acting weird after we saw the house(his idea). He always talked about the future and then BAM, it was like a switch was flipped and he changed his mind. I did really well with no contact and didn’t talk to him at all until after the 30 days. Even though it almost killed me. We actually had a fairly friendly short texting conversation last night when discussing him coming to get his things but I don’t want to get my hopes up at all. I still want him back after a month and a half of being apart. I will be seeing him in two days for the first time to give him some things back and I just don’t know how he will act. How will I really know if he is interested in getting back together? He’s the quiet thinker type, not one to express his emotions much…I truly think he got scared. If it is just fear of commitment, is there anything I can do to get past that wall? I feel like he just wouldn’t let himself love me completely. We had a real connection. The type you don’t just find every day. And I’m not just saying that because I’m heartbroken. NC has really given me time to get it all into perspective and improve myself and my frame of mind. I’m at peace with the breakup but that doesn’t mean I don’t think we were great together and could be again. Thanks for your help in advance!
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 28, 2018 at 6:19 pm
Hi Shelby,
Check this one:
Making An Ex Commit When He Doesn’t Want To