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Sam
February 15, 2016 at 3:57 pm
Hi Chris,
I’ve been in a relationship with my high school sweetheart for the last 6 years. We’re both 22 and have never dated anyone else. Overall, we’ve had a very solid relationship and are best friends. Up until recently, we’ve never broken up or had any major issues. We’ve always talked about the future, marriage, families, etc. It’s almost as if a switch was flipped or something. This past summer he brought up to me that he had doubts. He had doubts that I was the right person, was worried I wasn’t the one, etc. He wanted to take a month break and being the emotional woman I am (that has never had him waver about me) I freaked out a little. We did the break for two weeks then talked and were going to work on things and got back together. Everything seemed okay up until a couple weeks ago when he brought it up again. He was crying and just said he didn’t know what to do with these doubts. He said he didn’t want to make a mistake and marry the wrong person. He said that I’m amazing, I do so much for him, he’s so undeserving, etc. but just can’t marry someone with these doubts. So we started a month long break AGAIN and by week two I had hit my emotional peak. We didn’t talk for two weeks straight and I was trying so hard to do no contact but he didn’t reach out at all. I did what you shouldn’t and drove to him and wanted answers. We’ve been together so long that I’ve always pretty much done what I’ve wanted because I know he still loves me. We talked and he just said he felt like we had to break up. We’ve never officially broken up. He just said he felt he had to do it. He said he’s been with me since we were 16 and has never not been with me. He said he just wants to be by himself. I of course wanted to try again but he just said he doesn’t know what to do with these doubts and doesn’t want to keep trying and waste time. A few weeks before this he was talking about marriage and a family, now he doesn’t see me in his future at all after 6 years? He’s getting ready to graduate college and part of me was trying to figure out if he’s going through a quarter life crisis or something, trying to find himself, etc. He told me he felt like he’d have to lose me to realize what an idiot he is. He also said it wasn’t about anyone else. He said he wasn’t interested in dating anyone else but also said he doesn’t know what else is out there? I just don’t understand how you can be in love with someone and they be your best friend and you walk away. I’m trying to do no contact but he hasn’t reached out at all either. Is this a lost cause? Six years with someone that you dreamed of a future with and that’s it? Is there anything I can do?
Sam
February 16, 2016 at 2:29 pm
So does that mean I’m not the right person if he was willing to walk away and find himself? I think he knows that as of right now he can have me whenever he wants (obviously we’ve been together so long). I just don’t know whether I’m supposed to wait for him to come to his senses or move on. I’m fearful with no contact he’ll just forget about me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 17, 2016 at 8:25 am
Of course not.. it’s just that you’re in the phase of your lives now that so many change is happening.. If I was jn your position, I would grab this opportunity to have growth in my life as well.. it doesn’t mean I’m going to forget him, later on we can still reconnect and maybe even rekindle the relationship.. It would actually be easier to attract him by that time because both of you have matured and has more value to put in the table
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 16, 2016 at 6:48 am
Hi Sam,
Yeah, it’s the age and the current phase in life he is at.. He’s about to graduate college and go to a new world.. it doean’t mean yout 6 years is forgotten.. It’s just because both of you are young, and I think that’s what he feels..he feels he needs to explore and find himself, make mistakes before settling down
Hannah
February 14, 2016 at 1:56 pm
I broke up with my bf in Nov. I have been begging him to work things out. He flips between unsure and no. Now he has blocked me. I know i messed up. After 30 days nc, should i text him? ive already begged a lot
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 15, 2016 at 11:13 am
Hi hannah,
for me, I think you should do 45 days… and let’s hope that he unblocks you before your nc ends, so, that it won’t seem like you’re just waiting for him to unblock you
Alexandra
February 12, 2016 at 2:36 pm
So my bf and i broke up a week ago & i ended up begging big time. Yesterday i texted him just to say i just want to end things on bad terms and that i was sorry for like begging & other things and that i didnt want hard feelings & he said no hard feelings & he was sorry too and that was it. Is that a step in the right direction or not? Cause if he wanted to have worked it out, he would’ve said no. Or did i make a mistake by reaching out?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 12, 2016 at 3:47 pm
For me that was the right step.. because at least you’re not in bad terms before you go into nc…
Whittney Barrow
February 9, 2016 at 7:27 pm
Please help!!!!!! THIS IS WORTH THE READ! Please tell me your advice! I have some what of a bizarre situation. Here we go. My ex (he’s 43, I’m 26) and I dated for 2 years, broke up in October. We had a rocky relationship bc I felt like I could never trust him. He said we sneaky, manipulative, hid his phone, put it on silent, made me feel in competition with his exes, and we broke up over petty things but without a doubt I loved him more than anything! I messed up too but we always worked it out. But I could never get him to build a realationship with my 2 daughter from a previous marriage. Long story short, we got pregnant and had our daughter 5 weeks ago. He put me through T total hell pregnant! Wasn’t around much, stopped having sex with me, told me he didn’t find pregnant women sexy and then by the end of the pregnancy we didn’t even speak. I’m a push over so I begged him to give me another chance, to show him I had changed and I wouldn’t break up with him anymore over petty arguments as long as we communicated and he spent more time with us. He didn’t take me up, he actually started adding his ex on fb and she even messaged me telling me to leave him alone and he does not love me. He was liking all these women’s pictures. I went crazy, rode by his House a lot, didn’t call or text him but did secretly watch him. I wanted to know who it is was I was being shunned off for. As sad as it sounds, I needed him, I was depressed, I was big and fat, I was emotional and he was not there. Well 2 days before I had our daughter, he was with his ex, and I mean having sex with her. He said we weren’t together and it was none of my business. It still hurt. Anyways our daughter is 5 weeks old now and he has said he’s still in love with me but then when I got excited he dropped me like a bad habit and said he didn’t have any confidence in our relationship and he didn’t think we could work. He then comes over and stays the night, cuddles me, even told me to have sex with him. But the most heartbreaking part is he comes over to see our daughter when it’s convenient for him. I have needed him badly (daughter is colic) on 2 separate occasions and he ignores my call and lies about where he is. What do I do? I am 5 days into the NC rule but i feel he’s to far gone. I need the ball in my court. But he’s having sex with someone, I do know that. But when he shuns is daughter off, that’s awful. It’s so hard to continue on when I love him so much. Despite the pure hell he has put me through 🙁
Whittney Barrow
February 11, 2016 at 7:34 pm
Amor,
Ah you replied! Thank you! I haven’t spoke to him in 2 days, and while it’s hard, it has to be done. Raising 3 girls in a world we live in today makes moving on that much more worth it because I would NEVER want my daughters to go through anything near what I have. It’s not worth it. I’m going to go through therapy and rebuild my life back. Thank you again!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 12, 2016 at 9:38 am
You’re welcome!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 11, 2016 at 9:02 am
Hi Whitney,
You just gave birth, this is not emotionally and mentally healthy for you. If you ask me, he’s not worth it. If you really love yourself and your daughter, you would know what I mean.
Amber
February 9, 2016 at 4:07 am
So my ex has started our last two conversations, and he even without hesitating invited me to go out with him and some friends. But he recently acted like he was interested in something I am interested in and then told me it was actually a boring topic. What does this mean? (I’m not trying to get him back I just am confused!)
Amber
February 9, 2016 at 4:28 pm
Hi Amor,
I think that is part of his personality, too. He will try to be nice and polite but then he can never help but say how he *really* feels.
Does this mean he could still have feelings for me? All our friends are confused as to why he would invite me out with them. If there a way to get him to miss me and/or feel attracted to me again? I learnt I don’t *need* him, but I think I could *possibly* give the relationship another chance.
(Some background info: I was trying to get him back, originally, but I sort of realized I didn’t know if I wanted him back. We’ve been talking and stuff and haven’t fought recently mainly because I don’t let his comments like that get to me anymore. Also, I’ve realized I don’t *need* him to be happy. Sometimes during our conversations I get him to laugh. Also, he knows I have changed since the breakup because I used to be super anxious, but now I have ways of dealing with stress, like taking care of myself. Without realizing it, I followed the advice of the article on this website that said to take up a new activity/do something your ex would never imagine you doing to show you have changed. My ex was actually surprised to learn that I had made some changes, and he didn’t believe me at first but then he did and was surprised, in a good way I think. )
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 9, 2016 at 11:44 am
That means he’s trying to relate to you but he just can’t help say that he really doesn’t like it.
Lucia
January 31, 2016 at 7:05 pm
Hi Chris!
I’ve been absorbing your page since I first found it. The problem I think is I found it a month after the break up. NCR will still work? Since we broke up a lot has happened. I had some family drama, he was very supportive. We talked a few times and he said that he wanted nothing to do with mebecause it hurt and that maybe someday we will get back together, but at the same time he told his friends that he never ever got back together with me.
I was terribly clingy, needy and pathetic. Even after the breakup. I’m trying to make emends and improve myself with the no contact rule. I still have hope but t’s difficult when he says that stuff to everyone else and I don’t have that constant reminder in him that he still feels for me. Do you think I’ll work? After a month of us talking and me ruining it and he saying those things? It even got to a point were I did something, without any intention, he got mat and did something to hurt me. It was all confusing, I think he is confused.
We had a general breakup lead by a very crappy situation. He wouldn’t break up with me if that crappy situation that he didn’t know anything about happened, but after he found out he told me that we couldn’t get back together now because he found out after we broke up.
I don’t know if no contact will still work, what else can I do. It seems he still has feelings and hope, and of course he wouldn’t tell his friends how hurt he is but I don’t know. Hope you can help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 1, 2016 at 10:06 am
Hi Lucia,
He probably said that out of anger but didn’t really mean it. Try to make the most if Nc steps first. Don’t worry too much because it takes away time that you should have used to better yourself.
Rose
January 31, 2016 at 6:19 pm
Hi Chris!
I have been dating a guy (21) for a little over 4 months. Everything was great and I felt so relaxed with him, even started to fall for him. Everything was just really easy and we had so much fun together, it just felt right. Yesterday he ended things because he said he wasn’t in love with me yet and if it didn’t happen now, then it wouldn’t happen at all. He really liked me and said if he wasn’t going to fall in love with me, he wasn’t going to fall in love at all. He really liked me and said I was the most beautiful, smart, and sexy girl he’s been with but just didn’t feel butterflies (which is what he thinks love feels like).
When he was ending it, he was crying as well and said he didn’t cry in like 3 years. And he is constantly saying that he does really like me, that it wasn’t just nothing there at all.. He was adamant about making me know that he does really like me, just not in love with me.. He said he was always wondering if he loved me or not and said he asked all his friends about how he would know if he was in love. They said he would know by now, but I think it’s insane that he’s listening to his friends and basing his experiences on theirs. He said he was never in love before and I have never been in love yet either, until I started to love him.. And also I am the longest he’s been with a girl, and he thinks you fall in love with someone within the first two months.
I truly believe that he has more feelings than he thinks he does, just not this all-consuming love that he expects.. For me, I think it’s absolutely crazy that he broke up with me because he wasn’t in love in 4 months. Am I wrong to think this? Is there any way that I could get through to him? I feel as if he didn’t truly try to love me and be open to it, and would just like him to try and wait a couple more months. Or was he right to end things after 4 months for not feeling butterflies in his stomach? Is he just confused or is it really over? I just can’t see how he didn’t feel anything. Is there any way he will come back? My friends are saying yes, and others are saying no.. What is the likelyhood that he will? I did beg yesterday after the break up on Friday, but today I have started no contact. Is it also possible that he is freaking out because of my anxiety issues? He was very helpful and supportive about it, but is it possible is started to freak him out?
Rose
February 1, 2016 at 11:25 am
Do you mean that it looks like he will not come back? Unless he really did have feelings and realises it somehow?
He has freaked out at around two months of dating and sort of broke it off for a week while he needed time to think.. But he came back, he just needed a week to figure out whether he wanted to work towards a relationship with me or just be single. He also wanted to wait to be in a relationship because all his previous one ended shortly after it becoming official. I am now the longest he’s been with someone.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 4:05 am
Yeah, I mean he has a wrong concept of love but if he really loves you, he will want or miss you back.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 1, 2016 at 9:59 am
Hi Rose,
we can only base the reason of the break up on what he said. If that’s really the reason and if he really loves, he won’t be able to stop it from resurfacing.
Liv
January 26, 2016 at 3:34 am
Hi i purchased the audiobook and they sent me a link. It didn’t work. Please help! I really want to download it asap .. I got the logins, just can’t access the book
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 26, 2016 at 11:50 am
Hi Liv,
Sorry about that. Is this the same email add you used when you purchased the audiobook? If not, and of course so others can’t see your email address, you can send a message in [email protected]
Brit
January 25, 2016 at 11:21 am
Hi, my ex broke up w/ me about 4 months ago. We dated for 4 months, but it was a slow build up (like 5 months) so it feels like longer. After the breakup I sent a lot of texts about how distraught I was and I think I definitely repelled him. It’s kind of a complicated situation. He partially blocked me, just instagram (but not all social media). He moved states halfway through our relationships for an internship opportunity but he should move back here by summer. We met up 2 months ago to talk to help me get closure, and he was basically scared we wouldn’t work out long distance and said it’s just a timing thing. So it leaves me with a lot of hope but at the same time I’m heartbroken that he didn’t want to try long distance (I think we would’ve worked) and that he’s ignored my texts. I haven’t texted him in a month, but I’m still really distraught and worried about the position I’ve put myself in. Should I initiate with more light hearted texts in a month or so? Wait for him to be moved back? Or wait for him to initiate? It’s killing me and I don’t know what to do to help my chances.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 25, 2016 at 2:14 pm
Hi Brit,
If he’s ignoring your texts, don’t be surprised if he still does after no contact but if he said it’s just wrong timing, then there is a chance to rekindle the relationship when he gets back but that’s doesn’t mean you can’t try texting him after NC right?
Jamie
January 25, 2016 at 12:57 am
My ex of 2.5 years broke up with me 2 weeks from Friday. I wasn’t agreat girlfriend – I worked way, way too much, battled depression and didn’t want to hang out with his friends and family. He hung in there. More importantly I wanted to leave this big city, where he’s from and which he loves. When I was ready to stay and I switched jobs and started working on myself he was done. He said he’d been unhappy for a while and hit a breaking point. He said he didn’t want to give me false hope, or leave me on the hook. But he wouldn’t tell me to move on. He also wants to be in each other’s lives and he says I’m important to him and that he wants to see how I treat him as friends. He says he doesn’t want to lose me completely. I said that he wants to keep me in his life to avoid losing a companion while he moves on. He said that’s over simplifying. When I asked if he’s going to move on he said eventually. When I said and not with me? He said he put his romantic feelings up or something. He’s said he had romantic feelings but that our relationship wasn’t working– although I’m working on those things that need to be in my opinion fixed. He’s kinda said too little too late, why didn’t I do them sooner. But I was depressed and searching for another job while working. We had tickets to 2 events this week. One is tomorrow. He knows I have feelings and don’t want to go as friends. That I hope it will turn into more. He’s made it clear it’s as friends. I said I don’t want to watch you move on and he said that’s not going to happen by Monday. But if it’s over as it may be either me begging or him being over it maybe I should skip either?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 25, 2016 at 5:04 am
Hi Jamie,
Did you mean should you skip the event? Don’t go if it hurts too much and also , it looks like he doesn’t want to lose connection with you. That’s good because you have a chance of getting the attraction back, you just have to work on it or maybe he wants to see if you will change through all this?
K
January 24, 2016 at 4:28 pm
So my situation is a little bit different! Considering I’m a lesbian! I have read all the books and read both sites over and over again! It wasn’t until I found these that I realized what I did wrong! I went through a rough time and got really close to my girlfriend! Which in her eyes made me needyand clingy! I started the NC a week ago and two days after I got message from her saying please just leave me alone and have a nice life. Being in NC I simply just deleted the message and moved on! I know I want her back and I know what I did and how to fix it! I have never been needy or jealous before but I was while in my emotional state. But with that message I’m not sure if I should message her after the 30 days or not considering I don’t want her to think I don’t respect her wishes! I’m serious to say I’ve read all the books multiple times I just don’t know what to really do after nc if she sent me that two days after initiating it. Any help would be worth it and thanks so much with helping me at least survive this long lol.
K
January 25, 2016 at 2:09 pm
But what about after nc should I even message her? I mean I don’t want to make her feel like I really don’t listen to her!
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 25, 2016 at 2:56 pm
Yes of course you can message her after NC 🙂 Try to send a test text that’s very interesting for her.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 25, 2016 at 12:12 pm
Hi K,
If she sent that message during nc then don’t reply. She wants you to leave her alone and being silent is perfect to show that you respect her wishes.
Katie
January 24, 2016 at 1:46 pm
Hi, I have a complicated situation I would like help with. The time my ex broke up with me was about a month ago. His reasoning for this was because I was too clingy, needy, and felt my entire world revolved around him. He said he wanted me to find myself and be my own person. He told me he wouldn’t disappear completely, but felt both of us needed our own time.
Looking back I agree, but at the time didn’t handle this very well and did the worst thing, become even more needy and emotional. I begged for him back. It was about a week in, but eventually he did respond back, and I was shocked. Before that I had sent a message every few days expressing my horrid emotions. While I feel that should of pushed him away even more, turns out it made him message me back.
So I went along with it. But even though I thought I had my head straight and wasn’t going to try anything that would damage our relationship any further, I did. I expressed my thoughts and emotions too early and really wanted to know if he felt the same way. Of course he wasn’t open to communication. I now realize that it did need more time and feel bad about it.
I begged to an annoying amount, that I am so ashamed of it made me lose a lot of self-confidence. This is when he eventually told me to stop. I made it clear I just wanted to know where we stood. Then he said “I don’t like you when you act like this”, because at this point, I was frustrated, angry, and expressed that. I backed off from that point and haven’t begged since.
I’m pretty inexperienced with relationships and haven’t had many, and I’m young (21.) I feel it may be already too late but I am hanging onto this hope that maybe there’s something I can do because I know he doesn’t completely hate or even dislike me. I actually apologized after the night I got angry and told him I was going to be on my own for a while because I didn’t want to make things worse and knew he was right about me needing time. This was around a week ago. Since that day, I’ve seen him around but kept my distance. During that time I’ve attempted to show the more happier, positive and carefree side of me (since in our relationship I wasn’t the happiest and most positive person).
I haven’t spoken to him in about a week, with the exception of last night. I wasn’t going to speak to him until I saw that he liked a post of mine. I gave it a day, then spoke up and asked how he had been. We’ve made short conversation, but not much. I know this probably needs more time. I stumbled upon this site a few days ago and learned about the no contact rule and wanted to try it out, but before I did so I was also confused and wanted to know where we already stood. So I sent a message and we had our short talk. Eventually, he didn’t reply. I held back and said nothing even though it was very difficult. I knew if there was any chance this would benefit in the long run.
I’m wondering now what I should do, and how I should go about this situation. If I should initiate the no contact rule (also if you think 21 or 30 days would be best in my situation), or if I should simply wait a week or two to see if things improve, because we’re already on good terms since he’s talking slightly. I’m not sure what my chances are of success because I know I’ve already messed up but I want to at least try something that has the possibility of working. Thank you for taking the time to read my post, and I hope you reply back.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 24, 2016 at 2:05 pm
Hi Katie,
I think he meant what he said and by that it means more than just showing him you are happier now. You may convince him at first, but if you want this to work for the long run, aim to make the best of no contact to find happiness aside from him. Develop your identity, it may not be fully developed after the nc but at least you started. Remember, you can fool him and fool yourself that you’re not needy for 21 or 30 days but after that, if ever you get back together and everything is comfortable, it’s easy to skip back to being clingy again.
Alexandra
January 24, 2016 at 1:34 pm
Hi I broke up with my boyfriend 3 weeks ago because I thought he was unhappy. i didn’t understand why til I found out he has been feeling guilty about having thoughts of getting together with other women. He had me blame myself for weeks thinking I hadn’t done enough good to keep him, and I begged him for a couple of weeks. I just didn’t want to give up just like that. But when I found out the real reason, I just stopped talking to him. He’d text me first, want to talk to me everyday as friends. It’s just day 2 of me on the NC rule, if i keep doing this – will I be able to regain my power through this? I’m not sure if we are ever getting back together. he wants to, our friends want to …. but me, not so sure anymore. They say not to close doors yet. BUT srsly, idk. help
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 24, 2016 at 2:32 pm
Hi Allessandra,
It’s not closing doors if you’re choosing to heal in the mean time and establish your standards.
Bryony
January 23, 2016 at 4:44 pm
Hi,
My ex boyfriend broke up with me just under 2 months ago. We’d been together around 18 months (in 2014 we were together, broke up after 6 months for a few months and after about a month of that we started meeting up, kissing, etc but he didn’t ask me to be his girlfriend again for another 4 months, so part of this 18 months was unofficial). when he broke up with me this time i was even more destroyed than the last time – the relationship was going far better than the last time (the first time we were together he cheated a few times, this time around he changed and was totally loyal to me) and the reason he broke up with me was because of issues i was causing due to my anxiety and always worrying about other girls which wound up causing a lot of arguments, he became unhappy and just wanted to be my friend. At first I begged for him to come back, came across this website and realised my mistake in doing so and so i just tried to change my behaviour to get him to miss me. However, yesterday i had been speaking about him to some friends from class on a group chat because we were in a coffee shop together and he was leaning on me in the way that couples do and it made me uncomfortable because i so desperately want to be in a relationship with him again but i thought he didnt want to so i wanted him to stop resting on me to stop myself from thinking too much about our situation, since we’re still such good friends. unfortunately he found out about me talking about him and felt like i had stabbed him in the back and been a really bad friend, said i can forget about being friends with him etc, and then said ‘and to think i was going to take you back, you can forget about that now, i promise you you’ve completely blown it’ so this showed me that the steps i had been taking to get him back had been working but now he doesnt even want to be friends with me, infact he said i’m the last person he’d even consider being friends with…. when this happened i didn’t argue, i simply agreed with what he was saying and how it was the wrong thing for me to do, explained myself (that i was fine with him resting on me when he asked to but then i started thinking about how much i missed our relationship and turned to my friends to help me and then realized i’d put myself across in a bad light) and apologized for being such a bad friend and i completely understood him not wanting to talk to me and said if me leaving him alone would make him happier then that is what i would do. i really want us to get back together, is it possible to change his mind now? my intention is to wait until he decides he wants to contact me as he did not reply to the long paragraph i sent apologizing, so i’m not going to try and spend time with him at college or anything unless he decides he wants to, is there anything else i should do? sorry for the length of this, typed way more than i intended but felt it was best to properly explain my situation! thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 24, 2016 at 2:11 pm
Hi Bryony
I think he just said that because he’s angry and he didn’t mean it. The only thing you can do right now is to let his emotions subside. Do no contact again. You’ve already sent an apology for him. Let it be your last message for him to think about while you’re not talking.
Sarah
January 23, 2016 at 12:00 pm
Hello,
My boyfriend and I have been broken up for three months. I was the one who initiated the break up. We had been together for three years. I’ve always loved him and I still do, but the reason I broke up with him is because for as long as I’ve known him, he has been having some trouble with himself. Before I met him, he had a severe depression, and eventhough he was doing better, it still affected our relationship. He didn’t really have any ‘real’ friends left, he wasn’t happy with who he was, he always avoided talking about his feelings (unless he got drunk), and I sometimes felt like I couldn’t rely as much on him as he could rely on me. I loved him with all of my heart, but I was worried about our future. I felt like I couldn’t help him. That in short, is the reason I started doubting our relationship and I figured that, if I was doubting, it would be better to break up. I was kind of hoping he would fight for us, but he never really did. I regretted my decision right away, but for the first week I kept telling myself it was the best thing to do. We were both heartbroken. I saw him a few weeks after the breakup. He looked torn apart. We were both crying and we just hugged for a while. I can’t remember he ever hugged me so strong before. He came to bring me my stuff back, but he didn’t take any of his, eventhough I suggested it. I guess he wanted a reason to come back some other time. Though, he couldn’t say he missed me back while I told him quite a few times that I missed him. We said goodbye crying. After that I heard him through text messages every now and then, but he was always somewhat distant and I was always initiating. About a month after the break up we called. I told myself I had to sound like I was doing good. We talked about what had been going on in our lives, it was a very fun phonecall and it was the first time I had good hopes things were going to be okay again. When we were talking on the phone for about an hour (we never did that while we were together), he suddenly told me he missed me. I never expected he would say that. I started smiling and crying at the same time, telling him I missed him too. When we were about to hang up, he told me he was text me. He did right away. He told me he missed me, wanted to be with me, kiss me and make love to me. I was so happy to hear that. I told him I wanted the same thing but I that didn’t know if it was a good idea and we should first meet up to talk things through. I think I kind of disappointed him by saying that. The next day he texted me just to know what I was doing, but after that it was always me again who had to initiate the conversation and he became distant once again. I got him to meet up with me (to get some of his stuff), really hoping that we could talk things through and he would stay with me, like he said he wanted to after the phonecall. That didn’t happen. Again, we were crying, we hugged eachother strongly, and when he was about to leave, I tried to kiss him eventhough he didn’t think that was a good idea. He broke down into tears. A few days later I texted him that I missed him, and that I had hoped that he would stay with me that night. He replied that he didn’t want anything more than to just stay with me and order a pizza together, just like old times, but that he couldn’t right now. Also he told me that he was seized by emotion because of that kiss. I told him I was sorry, that I shouldn’t have kissed him and he just told me I never had to apologize for how I feel. A few weeks passed, I heard him every now and then but again, he was kind of distant. We never had any conversation like that phonecall we had a month after the breakup. I was still crying every day because I missed him so, and things weren’t really moving forward. After about two months after the breakup, I got a phonecall from him in the middle of the night. He was asking me if he could come stay with me the next day. I was so relieved he asked, but I was at home at that time (three hours away from were I study at university and also three hours away from him). I told him there was nothing I’d rather want, but that I just got home that day and I was gonna think of an excuse towards my mom why I had to go back to the city I study in. Exams were coming up so I knew she wouldn’t appreciate me losing time going back and forth. After that phonecall he texted me to please come back so he could stay with me. The next day I told him the excuse I had made up, and that I was gonna come so we could see eachother. By then he was backing out already, growing more distant once again. He told me he didn’t want me to get in trouble with my mom and my studies, and that we could meet some other time. We agreed we would meet up as soon as I came back to town. I texted my best friend that he wanted to see me, and that I was so happy. She told me she knew. She had had a long conversation with him the night before. He told him how much he missed me, how badly he wanted to be with me and also that he didn’t want anything more than to just get back with me, but that he was scared that things would turn out the same way they did. He told her he was scared he couldn’t give me what I needed. I figured that whenever we saw eachother again, we could work things out and have a cozy night together, trying to build our relationship back up again. We agreed to meet up the next week, but two days before he cancelled, saying that he had to become the person he wanted to be, alone. And that it broke his heart telling me this, but that he had to do it. That it wouldn’t feel right to see me now. I was heartbroken, but I told him I understood. Again, we kept in touch every once in a while, him being somewhat distant. I told him I wasn’t going to text him first anymore, because I felt like it was always inconvenient, and I was always disappointed when I felt like he didn’t really want to talk to me. He told me that it was never his intention, that I could always message him. Throughout these passed months, he always told me we could still text, just not about ‘us’, because he needed some space. I thought it would be the best thing to let him come to me whenever he wanted to talk, so I stopped texting him first. It only took him three days to randomly text me. His text said he wasn’t going to bother me for long, he just wanted to send me ‘this pic’. He sent me a picture of me, during our good times together. Shortly after that, he cut the conversation short saying he was going to bed. I told him goodnight, that I was gonna study some more because I had an exam the next day. He didn’t answer that, nor did he ask me how my exam went the next day. But I was quite happy still, because I felt like he was remembering our good times together and trying to make me remember them too. Not much later, I think I screwed everything up. I saw that he had a new profile picture, taken with some kind of professional camera. I knew he met up with this journalist/photographer, only a few weeks after we broke up. He told me about it. He said: “You need to know this. I met up with this girl. We went to a museum. Nothing happened and we’re leaving it at this.” Luckily I was with my friends when I read that message (balling my eyes out) and they told me not to answer. He started sending me questionmarks and begged me to answer, got mad when I didn’t right away. I told her we would talk about it some other time, that I was at my friends birthday party. My friends told me he just told me this to make me jealous, to see if I still cared. I believed them and I was actually happy he felt the need to tell me he had been on a date that didn’t work out. I asked him about it a week later and he laughed it off. I asked him if he clicked with her, and he joked that he felt more of a ‘click’ with the dinosaur skeletons at the museum. It put my mind at ease and I didn’t worry about it anymore, until I saw his new profile picture. I knew right away it was her who had taken that picture. I freaked out and called him. He never picked up, just asked me through a text why I was calling. I asked him about the girl, and he immediatly went into defense mode. He told me the
y’re just friends, she wanted to go take some pictures in this ghosttown and he came along. I got really desperate asking him why he wouldn’t give us another chance, why I wasn’t good enough anymore, that this was tearing me apart, etc. He told me I needed to let him go, that he had been asking for space for almost three months (which I don’t think is a fair thing to say given the fact he’s been giving very mixed signals). He said this might be the biggest mistake of his life, but that he needed to be alone right now. Again he cut the conversation short saying he was gonna go to sleep and that I needed to let him go. I didn’t text back to say goodnight, and he sent me a few messages in a row (questionmarks, getting mad because I wasn’t answering, which I guess shows that he still cares?). The next day I send him a message saying sorry for my reaction, that I understood he needed space and that I would try to let him go, but that I hoped he understood me too. He replied that I didn’t have to say sorry, that he understood, and good luck with exams. I stopped texting him after that. It’s been 10 days and I still haven’t heard from him. It’s eating me up. I’m still in exams so it’s impossible for me to get some nice distractions and have fun with friends. I can’t help but cry over him everyday. I just want things to be okay again and I regret breaking up with him so much. Sorry for this huge message. I hope you can take the time to read it and help me out… Thanks in advance!
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 23, 2016 at 2:12 pm
Hi Sarah,
He’s the only one who can help himself with his issues but with the way he treats you, that depends in you. I think it’s best you finish Nc so the mix of emotions can subside
Andi
January 22, 2016 at 2:58 am
Hi Chris,
So I feel like my breakup was an absolute disaster because of my personal problems. I dated this guy for 2 weeks short of a year, and I was the one who broke it off. He was loving, perfect, smart, adored me, and was the actual model boyfriend. All of my friends were jealous of how caring and a good guy he was. I broke it off because at the time, 5 months ago, I was working through some personal problems and instead of communicating them, I acted out and broke up with him. He was devastated. He tried for 2 months to get me back, and when he pulled away I started thinking straight and realized how terribly I’d messed up. I made the huge mistake of begging for him back, and not just once. Multiple times, and recently I’ve realized this was a horrible mistake and now I’m worried my chances are ruined. I’ve seen him every few weeks for the 5 months, and he’s said he still has feelings for me. Over Christmas break, he initiated us hanging out and he wanted to apologize to me for how he’d been the past few months (not speaking to me, not being there for me as my parents got divorced). It went well. A few days later I asked him to hang out again so he could help me with math, and he agreed and came over. It was like it used to be when we were together. Last weekend, I made the mistake of asking him to hang out again so we could talk about stuff. Which we did, and I basically told him the whole situation was ruining me, and I asked for another chance with him. I asked him to let me take him on a date, which he agreed to and said he was down with giving me another chance. He said he couldn’t say there was no chance of us getting back together again because that’s not how he feels, and that he wouldn’t keep me waiting around forever. I’ve texted him asking about this Saturday night, and now I think that was a mistake too. I can’t seem to quit messing up. This guy means the world to me and I can’t picture life without him. Do you think there’s still a chance of this or have I ruined everything? What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 23, 2016 at 2:04 pm
Hi andi,
Just take things slow and why not just enjoy the fun times instead of worrying if you’ll be back together? Because that can contribute more to reigniting the relationship
Laney
January 20, 2016 at 2:47 pm
Hi there, my boyfriend dumped me over a year ago and in the first couple of months after the breakup I broke most of the rules on this website. I actually only found this website about 6 months after the break up, and from that moment I followed the rules, i bought the book and read it all. At the time, he was dating someone else so I just kept to myself as I didn’t think it was fair to interfere with that relationship. We haven’t spoken in at least 4 months and I feel like it’s too late for us, that too much has happened in between that we can never be together again. But I still love him and I don’t know what to do. Please help, any advice would be great
Laney
January 21, 2016 at 8:23 pm
Hi Amor,
Thanks for replying, I don’t feel like I have many people I can talk to about this. Well they are no longer in a relationship anymore, they broke up about a month or so after dating. I deleted him off my facebook when he was with her because I couldn’t keep having their relationship pop up on my feed (unfollowing didn’t work on my phone so I felt I needed to unfriend). We spoke once when he was single, but I realised his feelings hadn’t changed, so I just went back into no contact, and never returned. I don’t think he will ever miss me in the way I want him to, I believe he misses our friendship, but he doesn’t want me in that way
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 21, 2016 at 12:21 pm
HI Laney,
If you want to get back with him but you don’t want to ruin a relationship, you have to wait for an opportunity that they already have a problem and you just came along. If you’re not blocked in social media, you can also start posting things that can make him miss you. If ever he contacts you, it’s not because you initiated, it’s because he missed you.
Annie
January 19, 2016 at 7:23 pm
Hi,
So much has happened over the past year I don’t even know what to do anymore. My ex broke up with me 8 months ago. I completed no contact, he got in touch, we met up many times over a period of months, he wouldn’t commit, he kept saying we were just friends, I did sleep with him during this time. I walked away after he lied to me. I decided I wanted to be with him, I began no contact again, we bumped into each other, he text me on day 30. We began talking again and meeting up, he pulled away and refused to label us, I text him to tell him off, to tell him he obviously didn’t want me. He told me to walk away and not to wait for him. I walked away, he got in contact again. He saw I was hanging out with a group of people he doesn’t like on social media, he sent me jealous texts about things he’d seen on social media. I asked him what that meant, he ignored me. I let it slide, then, I seemed to be the one always texting him. Always chasing him, he arranged to meet up. He spent a lot of time that night on his phone, he sent me a text that night with a kiss on the end. He then didn’t reply to my texts. We met up again, I stayed over (no sex) he was kind, he said he’d text me when I left the next morning – no text. He text me again to stay over, he tried to initiate sex, I said no. I stayed over, he was attentive, cuddly, he kissed me goodbye the next day. He ignored my texts for the next few days, he said no to meeting up with me I asked for a few days, I asked if he would rather I’d stop. He said yes. So I stopped, I didn’t text him for 10 days, he saw something I posted on social media (about people who want to be in your life) he posted a passive aggressive comment on his social media. I text him to tell him it wasn’t aimed at him (it wasn’t) I haven’t spoken to him since then, it’s been two weeks. He doesn’t react if he sees me in public, he doesn’t seem to want me. I’m tempted to do 30 days and text him again.
I’ve bought ex boyfriend recovery pro and the texting bible, it worked but I still lost him.
In your opinion, is he playing me? He seems to have moved on while I’m still in his life. I’m ready to walk away. Do I stay at this for the next two weeks and try again? Or do I walk away from someone who is possibly a player? Has it been too long? Have we come too far? I’ve worked hard to be the ungettable girl, but I’m clearly not that to him. Is it possible he’s met someone else?
Please give me your honest opinion. Thanks.
Annie
January 23, 2016 at 8:12 pm
Thank you for your response. Your advise is good, not harsh. You’re right I need to stay strong and keep reminding myself he doesn’t get me without commitment. Something I forgot to include however, is that I think he has a new girlfriend, a girl he potentially cheated on me with. A girl who is my friend, but rather than talk to me she has got really awkward with me, watching me whenever my phone goes off. Is there anything I should do differently with this in mind?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 24, 2016 at 2:16 pm
Hmm just make sure he doesn’t date both of you at the same time. He should leave the girl if he’s serious with you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 21, 2016 at 2:32 pm
HI Annie
What happened girl? You’re good at completing the no contact but it seems like you lose your ground after that. Maintain your standards. It was good at first when you told him that he obviously didn’t want you. But When he said you should walk away and not wait for him. That’s a sign that that’s what you’re showing. That you’re waiting for him, you are agreeing that he’s not committing yet, that everything he does without commitment is fine. Sleeping over also shows him you want to sleep with him and also when you texted him about the post that it wasn’t aimed at him, it’s like you’re apologizing to him. By this point, he really has the upper hand.
Okay, I know I’m being harsh but I have to.
There’s a good chance, if you go NC again, and be so physically attractive, and you bumped into him again or just plainly posting your progress, he will contact again and give it another try at you. But this time be firm. I know it’s hard.. But the hard part is maintaining your standards, whether or not you’re getting him back. We all go through that, in whatever phase in life we are. You can do this Annie!
megan
January 19, 2016 at 2:42 pm
Im so stuck because i dont feel my situation is the typical breakup therefore im not sure whether any of these strategies will work.
in 9 months, he freaked out three times. first time was before we got together, we put it down to him panicking at the pressure of asking me out, which he then did, the second time i begged for him to try because he was saying things like ‘i dont feel anything’ which just didnt feel true and felt like a panic response. he concluded that it was that my mental health had overwhelmed him. the next few months were perfect, hed tell me he was falling for me, he ACTED so into me. then i brought up that he hadnt said he loved me and the same ‘panic’ as before happened. he broke up with me eventually saying he felt nothing and thinks he was lying to himself and me.
I then had a breakdown, which his family came to know about, it was bad. my mental health got awful and i ended up dropping out of university because of how bad it was. since it happened a month ago, i’ve begged, sent many messages, and just asked him to try tiny things. hes said no to all of them. he said he doesnt miss me, and he really doesnt seem to, he says he misses the companionship, but he could easily find that elsewhere. he says he wants to be friends which i told him i cant do unless hes willing to fight for something for us, which he isnt. Therefore we arent talking, first day today.
so i dont know how to follow the usual steps because if hes telling the truth, then it sort of isnt about rekindling anything and is more about creating feelings rather than restoring them? does the advice still apply? could someone please tell me how to go about all of this? i dont mind being patient with him and working with him but theres something worth working for.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 21, 2016 at 10:50 am
HI Megan,
I’m quite confused. He had 3 panic attacks before and you had a breakdown. SO, that means both of you have emotional or mental health issues? It also seems like the relationship is forced. Who or what pressures him of asking you out? And why do you have to beg for him to try? I hate to ask this. Are you the only one who’s in love with him?
Dianne
January 19, 2016 at 1:31 am
Hi Chris! I’m so glad I found your website and I’m reading happily about your articles 🙂
But can you help me understand my ex-boyfriend?
He broke up with me a couple of months ago because he said he fell out of love, he was tired of the things that I’ve been doing and he even lied to me saying he already has a new girlfriend so I’ll stop chasing him. I did. I didn’t contact him for a month and a half. I was healing myself. However one day he contacted me. He apologized for lying about having a new girlfriend. He said that he could still see our future together. What does this mean? He wanted to be friends which we are now yet he still gives me mixed signals. He said he still have ‘love’ for me. Should I believe him? I mean they said actions speaks louder than words though he is an introvert. What gives me doubt the most is that he is hanging out with a girl which he prefers to be friends with. The girl has a crush on him and she keeps sending me messages saying that they had a good time with my ex-boyfriend. Yes I’m jealous to be honest because I want my ex back to me yet I’m still holding on to his words that he’ll wait for me. But should I take action to it? I don’t want him to fall in love with her. Please help me with this complicated situation of mine. (We’ve been together for almost 4 years)
Dianne
January 20, 2016 at 12:51 am
Hi 🙂
Thank you so much for the reply (^^)/
I’ve read that post. I admit I somehow have the same situation as Maria. So should I also follow the game plan that is stated on the article? Again your reply is very much appreciated 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 21, 2016 at 3:48 pm
You’re welcome! You mean this article you commented on or the article I gave in my comment? but actually why not do both..
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 19, 2016 at 5:27 am
Hi Dianne,
I think you should read this post.
What It Means When A Man Tells You He’s “Falling Out Of Love”