You Desperately Begged For Him Back And Failed... I'm Here To Fix That

923 thoughts on “You Desperately Begged For Him Back And Failed… I’m Here To Fix That”

Elizabeth

March 1, 2017 at 9:20 am

My boyfriend and I separated a little over a week ago. I did the whole begging thing and well I ended up asking if he thought I was a good girlfriend before the break up, he said I was but we couldn’t work things out because he can’t get hurt again. It’s been hard on me because I’m 5 months pregnant with his son and so with counseling I have worked on the issues that had hurt him enough to leave but now I have no idea how to show him that I have changed and won’t hurt him again.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2017 at 8:44 pm

Hi Elizabeth,

why did you broke up? Are you going to do the no contact rule? Check this one too:
Here’s How To Get Your “Baby Daddy” Back

Julie

February 25, 2017 at 7:32 pm

I know I messed up and during the first phone call we had talked about the relationship and being long distance he mentioned something I was supposed to go to and i admitted I wanted to go. So since I had messed up I went all out and let him know that after talking about the relationship I want to get back together
Now that I said that I need to go into no contact (trust me I’m beating myself up so much I had done so good but the convo was just rolling along and he brought it up and yah I wanted to go!) of course we aren’t seeing each other and he doesn’t think it’s a good idea to get back together right now so
We haven’t talked for a week
Do I just assume I’m in no contact again or can I send a text and say that he’s right it’s a good idea not to see each other and extend my no contact ?
I had a game plan and I ruined it but I’m trying to start over

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2017 at 11:03 pm

Hi Julie,

just proceed with the no contact now, if he texts you then tell him that you agreed with what you said and continue on the count. If not, just continue on in finishing no contact.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2017 at 11:03 pm

Hi Julie,

just proceed with the no contact now, if he texts you then tell him that you agreed with what you said and continue on the count. If not, just continue on in finishing no contact.

Lindsey

February 10, 2017 at 4:55 am

Hello,

I was dating my ex for almost 4 months. He told me he loved me, I met his family and 9 days later…he broke up with me. I asked him why he was doing this and he simply said he was uncertain about our future, and that he wouldn’t be able to get the feelings he had for me at the start of our relationship back? Of course I was upset and begged for clarity, but he just said it’s best to maintain our space. Is there no hope of repairing this? (He also joined a band which is his number 1 priority) I’m not sure if they had some influence in all of this?

Any insight would be great. I really want to get back to how things were. Thanks!

Lindsey

February 11, 2017 at 3:28 pm

Thank you. I’m going to do NC for 30 days. Also, the week before he broke up with me I noticed that he would text me how he normally would and then mid week I felt him becoming more and more distant, but the day he broke up with me (in the evening) that morning he was in good spirits and we were texting how we usually would. I was supposed to go see him play that night and I had simply asked him if he still wanted me to come because I had noticed a little bit of a disconnect during the week and wanted to make sure we were okay and that’s when he said “he was uncertain about our future. He’s stressed out about everything. He can’t feel anything for anything right now.” I’m just really struggling trying to wrap my head around this whole situation.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 13, 2017 at 4:23 pm

use that as a reason to focus in improving yourself. Don’t let your time to be wasted on someone who isn’t sure
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 10, 2017 at 5:34 pm

Hi lindsey,

I cant assure you but if he thinks it’s moving too fast then doing nc and focusing in yourself can help increase your chances..

Edna

February 7, 2017 at 9:49 am

Hi
What should i do to ensure that he is also starting conversations. Please help because the guide was helpful.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2017 at 9:47 pm

Hi Edna,

end the conversations at high point, always be the one to end it
End in cliffhanger and dont be too available, dont stop improving yourself. Click this:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

Joanne

January 22, 2017 at 12:05 pm

My ex i broke up almost one week now and the reason was he want to look for a girl to marry because he has diffirent religion and culture, but i cant accept the fact that we will leave me just like that. One day i had a instict maybe he has someone new and i message the girls that he been chatting for 4 months and ask them what is the relationship between them, im so drunk that time and so paranoid so i message the girls and one told me that they only friends one was told me they dont have relationship but they kept on chatting the whole time and saying i love you with each other, then my ex bf found out that i message them and my ex was so mad at me and he block me all in social media, i called him but he block also all my calls, i begged him to many times just to stay with me coz i really loved him so much, now he so mad at me and telling me stop and we are finished, i dont know how to start my life without him. I asked him if he has someone new then he replied on me no i dont have but i want to be alone. And he told me he told love me now. What i should do please help me. Even he hurt me so bad i still want him and love him so much.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2017 at 1:00 pm

Hi Joanne,
do you want to try the advice above?

Jessica

January 14, 2017 at 2:38 am

Hi!! I have read lots of your articles, and seen most of your videos. Unfortunately, not right after my breakup, meaning that I have messed up in most of your advises. 3 months ago, My husband left me after 12 years of marriage. None of us cheat. His priority has allways been his job and carreer, and left a little time for his daughter and me. Feeling frustrated, I started to ask for time for us and I think it got him mad at the point of just remembering the bad things of our marriage.
I know I made a lot of mistakes that hurt him, but he is guilty too. But as you wrote in another article: since he left, all the blame on me!!! I’ve cried, begged, plead, asked for forgiveness, to come back home, I’ve said i love him, miss him, etc. We even have had sex once in a while. And… nothing has worked, he doesn’t want to come back home. I’t has been a very hard and depressing time for us.
Now, it has been difficult to implement the NC rule or de MC, since we have a pre-teen daugther who loves and cares for her. He texts me and her every day to see how we are, if I need anything, he comes every weekend to se me and his daugher… I know He still cares for us, but he is in the up position because of all my begging. I’m trying to move on, to heal, to improve myself, to be with my daugher, etc. My questions are:
Should I do the MC rule at this point where we see each other and text hace other often? Should my daugher do it too in order to get her father to miss her? Should I have sex with him? I don’t want him to get involved with another woman while we are separated. Or should i become the UG at this point. I need to get the power back, but I just don’t know how since we have a daugher. He “looks” so fine and happy with his loneliness, freedom and his job…

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 14, 2017 at 3:42 pm

Hi Jessica,

follow the advice on this one:
Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together

Samantha

January 13, 2017 at 5:50 pm

Hello,
Me and my boyfriend started dating october 2015 and i got pregnant 2 months later. He was also so lovey dovey and wanted to be with me all the time but my pregnancy hormones would make me hate him and i would be so mean to him and say i didnt love him to the point where he would cry a lot. When i was 6 months pregnant i moved in with him and it was amazing up until when the baby was born, our babys arrivial caused me to distance myself from him and i wouldnt give him any attention and then i started going out clubbing with friends and after that he started being distant until one day we had a huge argument and he said he was tired of me and that he wanted out on the relationship so i talked to my parents and his and it took me a month to move out. Today its been a month since i left his house and i begged him about 2 times but he said he doesnt love me anymore and he is happy with someone else which i think is a lie. I cant do the no contact rule due to our 4 month old daughter and i see him everytime he wants to see her. What should i do? I really love him but i feel like there is no way to get him back? Any advice please

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 14, 2017 at 2:36 pm

Hi Smantha,

how old are you both? check this one:
Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together

Violet

January 9, 2017 at 7:39 pm

Can I use a video message like Chris adviced in the article about texting?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 9, 2017 at 7:44 pm

yep you can 🙂

Violet

January 9, 2017 at 3:59 am

And if it’s a longer period of nc ,is first contact any different than the one offered after 30 day period? Cuz I feel like confession text would not work in this case, but “asking for advice” would be more smooth or something.

Thank you for your help!

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 9, 2017 at 5:09 pm

at thid point, forget the previous relationship, take this as a restart..so that means 60 days is ok since it would be a restart..and yes, the first contact message should be more in tune with what’s current in your lives or in the surroundings at that time like news or about friends..

Violet

January 9, 2017 at 3:25 am

Hi Amor,
Thank you for your response again! It makrs me feel better I could share it with someone and get advice. I am on day 40 of no contact. Now he only contactrd me once during this period. And still I feel like I need a little more time for improvement and getting a little bit over him. So is it okey to do not a 45 day nc ( cuz then it finishes in 5 days) but like 60 days or even more? Will it make things worse?
Violet

January 8, 2017 at 5:02 am

So what I am daying I haven’t ever tried not talking to him. For 6 month after break up we were still in touch from both sides. It was just awkward and as soon as I was stopping communication he would appear again offering to meet up or something.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 8, 2017 at 9:27 pm

Ah ok.. well, you dont need a one year nc then but you do need to improve yourself.. it’s common for a guy to start chasing when you ignore him.. if you want, try a 45 day no contact period

Violet

January 8, 2017 at 4:55 am

Hi, Amor.
Thank you for your reply. No, we didn’t talk only for a month now. Its been 6 month after break up but we would still talk most of the time and meet. I guess I was needy for these 6 month. But I felt like I didn’t have any changes about me. So after these 6 month of weird communication I just no contact. After 30 days of no contact he texted but I didn’t know if it was right to break no contact after 30 days of wait more. So now is day 37 of no contact from my side.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 8, 2017 at 9:27 pm

Ah ok.. well, you dont need a one year nc then but you do need to improve yourself.. it’s common for a guy to start chasing when you ignore him.. if you want, try a 45 day no contact period

Violet

January 6, 2017 at 6:46 am

Hi there,
I’ve been reading this website for a while and now decided to ask for advice too. My boyfriend and me were together for 7 month. Perfect relationship at the beggining. We had great time together and he would say I was everything he ever looked for. After 6 month we had a fight and he became more distant. He could disappear for days and became “super busy ” for me. It would drive me mad and I would call him constantly and text him and even saying that if he doesn’t change I would break up with him. When I said it he would come apologizing and saying how much he loved me but then disappear again. So I became needy and annoying. So after a month of this he broke up with me. I begged him for a couple of days then gave him space. Three days after my silence he called saying he can’t imagine his life without me and he wants me back. I agreed to meet, we had a perfect date. But three days after we had a fight and he said that was enough and now he wanted to break up for sure. I begged him for a while after. She said I have changed and was not the same anymore. After that I would still text him pretty often,he would reply,not always tho. When I disappered he would start calling. We would meet from time to time and have good moments but then he would disappear again. And then we would constantly talk and then disapper for 6 month. I wouls talk to him every time he calls and meet with him as soon as he asks me for it.Last time we met a month ago it was cute,he said he missed me and everything around still reminds of me. And that he would check my profile pics all the time. And he still keeps my stuff and pics and videos of us. After that date he disappered again. I went no contact for a month. On the New Year Eve he texted me : Happy New Year. I didn’t reply. I don’t really know what to do here.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 7, 2017 at 8:14 pm

Hi Violet,

honestly, it’s better to move on from him or the last chance is to do a year of nc.. because you said he already went 6 months of not talking to you right?

Lucy Keenan

January 4, 2017 at 5:51 pm

I started dating this guy back in July and everything was going really really well. We were seeing each other a couple of times a week to three times a week together. We met each others friends, housemates. We decided to be exclusive. It was all great. Initially we both stood firm on the fact that we did not want a relationship and we just wanted to take things slow.

About a month ago, he suddenly told me that he needed a couple of days to think about things and to figure his head out. Which, was fine by me. I gave him his space and after a couple of days, he contacted me and said he wanted us to talk.
He then told me that he had figured out that he still had feelings for his ex girlfriend. (She lives in Asutralia , they broke up a year ago after a three year relationship). He told me they didn’t speak that often but htat he had spoken to her on skype and he felt guilty because he really liked me.We talked about it a long time and we decided to keep seeing each other as we were.

Since he told me this though. He started being a lot more distant. We weren’t hanging out as much and he started getting into the habit of saying things like ” I don’t want to hurt you” and “I feel like I am just leading you on”. Every week we kept having the same discussion and eventually things came to a head when one drunken night he sent me a message saying he felt that I like him more than he liked me and that he didn’t want to hurt me.

I tried to tell him that I was happy just going along with what we were doing but he said he just didn’t know how he is feeling about everything.

We decided to end things on Friday but then after seeing each other Sunday we thought that we should take a “cooling off” period for a couple of weeks, see if we miss each other and talk about it then.
In his words, not a break as we weren’t even in a relationship anyway.
I agreed with him and we decided to do that. After a few weeks, he said he still felt the same way and the we should call it a day. I hate it though because I feel like there was so much potential there and he said he agreed but just needs some time to sort his head out.

I really like him and I really thought that we were moving towards something. The conclusion to the conversation was that he wants to figure his head out and wants to put things on hold for now. He said he wants to leave it and move on and we will contact each other in a few months to see where we are both at.

Should I just move on or should I contact him in a few months? Is he just letting me know he isn’t that into me? Am I wasting my time?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 6, 2017 at 5:58 pm

Hi Lucy,

actually he was honest with what he feels because he said you like him more than he likes you. So, yeah he’s not that into you and I think he’s being safe when he told you to reconnect after a few months because after all, even if he’s not in love, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you as a friend

Emme

January 2, 2017 at 5:38 pm

Hello .. so I dated this guy for about three months it was a long distance relationship. Everything was going good but he seemed to not have much confidence. He was kind of insecure I never understand why because I thought he was such a great guy. He was very hard on himself because he wasn’t where he wanted to be in life. After a while I noticed he started to take everything I would say to heart and it would make us fight .. for me I get over things quickly for him the arguments where intense but they really weren’t . Half the time I don’t even remember what it was about. I really fell for this man . What started to affect me is every time we would fight he would break up with me and I would have to work hard on trying to get him back. WHenever he made a mistake he would come back tell me how much he loved me and wanted this relationship to work and without a doubt I would take him back and tell him I loved him and tried making him feel secure and let him know that it was okay that I wasn’t going to leave . It always hurt that he didn’t do the same for me. I also let him know that it hurt me when he would break up with me . So the beginning of this month after another breakup and getting back together I felt like things were off I tried to talk to him about it and he got annoyed like I’m never satisfied so I decided to just deal with it myself the next day he tried talking to me and I replied back he knew he was wrong and he got mad at me for dealing with the issue I had myself and didn’t understand that he made me feel like I was annoying him . We got in a fight and again he broke up with me … the last three weeks I been begging for him to give me a chance .. he says no we fight to much but he still loved me and cared about me. I feel so pathetic for letting him know how much I loved him . I’m so confused because in these last three weeks when he believed I was with another man he blew up my phone and called me a cheater .. I don’t understand how I cheated when he broke up with me? He got that issue resolved but he would bring up other men like I was already dating and I wasn’t . He would still call me and check up on how I’m feeling and doing . I cried to him so many times let him know how I felt . He told me I made him feel like he wasn’t good enough that I looked down on him and his job how much money he made . The crazy part is I never said anything about what he makes or his job . I always told him he was a hard worker and as long as he was happy and doing something he loved that’s all that mattered . I just feel like a complete fool for begging him to be with me . He was always calling me and even in this period when we would fight he always took my calls text me back . I’m just lost he’s a good person I’m very sad but I feel like he lost respect for me because of how much I begged . I haven’t contacted him in a few days now I was so upset with him for how I was treated in the last few weeks so I said some mean things to him . I told him that he will be easily forgotten and I deserved better. I feel like a idiot for begging him and showing him how week I was and sad and emotional. ;( what can I do to regain my respect in his eyes ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 5, 2017 at 6:54 am

Hi Emme,

stop chasing him.. that’s just 3 months in but the relationship is already toxic.. for me you should move on but if you dont want, at least do a 30 days no contact period and focus in improving and healing yourself..

Kalpana

December 29, 2016 at 7:26 am

Hi,
I am in a very complicated relationship.
I got into a serious relationship with this man 4 years ago. He is married for 13 years now and living separately from his wife for the past 6 years. Im separated too from my husband. The wife wanted him to leave his parents and move to a separate house but he wanted to take care of his aged parents so refused to stay in a joint family. So one fine day, she simply left with their 3 year old kid to her parents home and never returned to him ever since.
But their relationship has been extremely confusing to me ever since I met him 4 years ago. One year into my relationship, I saw that he has been meeting her every week and even went out to parties and family functions together. She was very cordial to his parents too. They both kept chatting with each other often as well. But she never gave the kid his dad’s surname. She hardly let the kid get close to his dad. She made strict rules as to when the kid should meet the dad. There were times when she restricted the access to the child for a year. She tried her best to blackmail him to move out of his parents home and live with her.
Initially, he did not budge and even stopped visiting his son. But within two years, he changed a little and when she gave him an ultimatum to either stay with her or divorce her, he ran to her and lived with her and kid for good 2 years in her parents home.
I was shocked by all this and asked him why he is doing all this and what am I in his life? He said that he did not love her and its only for the kid he is loving with her and he never even kissed or hugged her. It was more like a friendship for the kid as the kid started to get extremely emotionally disturbed. I broke up with him temporarily, but begged me to come back to him and I really loved him a lot so after 3 months of fights, crying and arguments, I went back to him. He continued to stay with her. They had big disagreements in between and fought a lot but never left her home.
Then his dad expired. He had to move back to his aged mom and continued to live with her ever since. The wife was angry ofcourse but could not do much about this. In this year, 2016, she again stopped his access to the kid for 10 months. They never spoke in between and did not see each other too. Suddenly on the kids birthday when he went home to meet them, the kid started accusing dad for not coming to see him. The wife too was angry that he has been irresponsible and never bothered to check up on them though she was the one who refused to meet him with his child.
On the same day, they all made a holiday plan to go to Dubai for 1 week’s trip.When he came back and told me the same, I freaked out. I have been extremely trusting and understanding throughout the relationship because I thought I was letting him do things for the kid. But now, after separating from her for so many years( they live in same city) and after all the ill-treatment she has given to him, how did he become so ready to go on a holiday with her? This is ridiculous and I demanded an explanation and asked how serious he was with me in the first place. He made it clear at the beginning itself that he wouldnot divorce her as its beyond his religious belifs but he would never get back to her as a lover/husband. Now when I asked him the same he says he is not trying to work on the marriage, its just for the kid he is going. He says he cant pay for a holiday( she earns lot more than him) with the child alone and she would never send the kid alone with him. So he had no choice but to go with them so that he gets time to enjoy with the kid. This is his first holiday with the kid who is 11 years old. So he is very excited.
But he doesn’t seem to understand me situation. I have become extremely insecure, very jealous and am totally confused. Something tells me that his wife is trying to make this marriage work for the sake of the kid. However, this man doesn’t believe it. He counter questions me ‘If she loves me, why would she leave me and go in the first place’? He says he doesn’t love her too. But he has to do a few things to make the child happy.
But I also observed that this wife of his started liking and commenting on all this facebook posts of late. She even changed her status to ‘married’ last week suddenly. He says he is also surprised with this. But now am not able to believe him. How can all this happen only from her side when he showed no interest in her? She never even bothered to like any of his posts in the past 4 years, then why suddenly now? Im sure she is again trying to get close to him. However he says living together with her in the same house is impossible and he wont ever do it. So why are they confusing the kid by taking him on a holiday?
His behaviour towards me hasn’t changed, he still says he loves only me and I should understand and support him in his decision to be with his kid., but I became a complete mental wreck. His unceertainity and her playing games is something Im not able to comprehend. When two people married cant stand each other so lived separately for years, and even tried to live together and failed, and such a head strong female who even refused to let the kid meet his dad changed so suddenly? How is this possible?
I begged him to breakup with me as Im getting confused with all this and there is no way I can predict his wife’s behaviour and his own exact feeling for her and my relationship with him. But he said Im over reacting and I need to chill. He says he has hardly any interaction with her and he doesn’t love her so I have no reason to be insecure. But I feel I do. Because of her behaviour changed so suddenly. What if he enjoys the holidays with her and gets back to her? Is it not his responsibility to breakoff with me and give me a closure if he intends to give his marriage another try?
When they actually tried to work on their marriage earlier and it failed why is she trying again? She doesnot know my existence yet. He already left for vacation and im waiting for him return and tell me if things changed between them. Can things really change between them in 10 days? They went to their friends home in dubai for vacation and will be staying with them. So he keeps saying that I need not worry as its not a holiday where they went to a resort alone without kid. He feels Im overreacting and depriving of him of a chance to spend time with his kid. He says Im only thinking of the wife there and not about the kid and getting jealous.
But im very very insecure and jealous and worried that they will get back somehow. I spent each day of the past 4 years with him makng his life happy and complete. I am all broken and feeling extremely helpless. What should I do once he comes back? Breakup and stay as friends with him? I cant live without him and he loves me a lot too but now I cant live in this miserable situation. Need to get my self respect back and leave both of them alone unless he someday decides whom he actually wants.
Also, this vacation may mean that he gets more frequent access to his son and more amicable relationship with his wife. So sooner or later he may get back to her. He is also not very sure though he keeps saying that he will never be able to love her again though he may visit her often for his son.
What should I do now? Please help me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 30, 2016 at 11:02 am

Hi Kalpana,

If you really want to exercise self respect, walk away. Move on and don’t chase.

Alex

December 24, 2016 at 2:42 am

Hello,

This is a diferent situation from all of those I’ve read in here.
So, a few months ago, I met a guy (I am also a guy), as soon as we met, there was an instant connection. The first weeks were crazy, we were always together, for a month or so I haven’t even slept in my own house. After a few weeks, he asked me if I wanted to move in, but as crazy as it sounded, I accepted. Thats when things started to go down, whenever he had a day off, he go back to his home town, whenever we go out he would go home earlier while I would stay out more time with our friends…
After some time, I started to think that he had another guy in his hometown. I was so sure about it that I started to getting really anxious, and ask him if he didn’t had another guy (several times). His answer was always the same “No, I don’t.”.
Until one day he said “Ye, I did had one, but it seems I don’t have anymore” (talking about me) and “I don’t love you anymore, but we have so much in common that I think it was weird stopping loving you”.
When he said that the whole world around me feel, and I lost it, calling him every possible name. The day after I got out of our home, and after many failed calls, and a lot of extensive messages sent by me without getting any answer, and made him block me in every social media and cellphone I finally gave up. and we lost contact for a month or so. After that month, we started to cross by each other and just say that simple “Hi.” and continue our ways.
After a few weeks we started to talk more and more, until I found out that he went back to his ex. We were still talking, since we decided to be friends, even though he was with his boyfriend, but the conversation were very limited. A few months after that, I started receiving more texts from him, but every now and then I would become crazy, and trying to understand what went wrong, saying I was missing him. He’s answer was always the same “You have to move on”, until one day he said “Oh, and by the way, me and X broke up 2 weeks ago.”. I imediatly thought it was the right time for me to try to get back to him. Of course I was wrong.
So right now we are in a situation where we are friends. We don’t see each other a lot, but sometimes he asks if he can come by my house, and of course I say yes, and after a few hours he cancels it. Asks me about NYE and about going to the gym together, and always cancels, after I accept. But today after me ignoring him the whole day (for the 1st time after the 1month without contact) he unblocked my facebook, got a text from him, and 2 missed calls. (he never answered a single call from me since he started with his ex). What should I do? Right now we don’t see each other a lot, maybe once or twice a month, but we talk almost everyday (always me initiating the conversations)

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 28, 2016 at 11:16 am

Hi Alex
did you go back to talking? do you want to try the no contact rule?

JG

December 12, 2016 at 12:34 am

Hey so this guy and I started seeing each other back in August. It was really a brief thing but I started to really like him. We went out a few times and things were going really well. After we had sex for the first time I became paranoid due to past experiences that I’ve had. I became so used to being used that I think I immediately projected that paranoia on him (I shouldn’t have done that). So we did talk for a few days after but after I didn’t hear from him for a day I got a little bitter/crazy girl, which I shouldn’t have done. So anyway we stopped talking and a few months go by, and then in mid November I snap chatted him and he answered! We sort of started communicating again but never hung out. He told me that he really only wants a friends with benefits right now, because my acting bitter made him realize that he wasn’t interested in a committed relationship any time soon. But he wanted me to be his friends with benefits. I told him that I’ve done that before and it really doesn’t work out well for me. So he said no problem and we communicated a little more but things kind of fizzled off again.
My issue is that I feel like as I push more he pulls away more. And I feel so pathetic after every attempt at changing his mind I guess. How do I go about this? I really never run into him when I’m out, and he’s never the one to initiate conversation (which adds to me feeling like I’m begging for attention from him) I know I want to be the ungettable girl and I am whole heartedly working toward that. However, how can I use things like the point system if I don’t hear from him first/never see him out? LOL I feel like I’ve totally ruined my chances with him by essentially scaring him away and I don’t know how to fix that.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 14, 2016 at 2:54 pm

Hi JG,

when you first slept with him, we’re you officially together? Because if not, and then now that he is suggesting being friends with benefits, then he is like the other guys you met before but of course, you want him to change which in reality is out of your control. You can only control yourself. If after the nc and in the building rapport stage, he is still like that, let him go. For now, use social media to post your activities. That’s your indirect way of showing your improvement.

JG

December 11, 2016 at 2:43 am

Hey so my ex and I dated very briefly back in August, but I really started to like him and I thought that he liked me too. I became paranoid after the first time we were intimate because I am so used to being “used” by guys that I automatically became paranoid that that was all he wanted at the time (in hindsight I really think I was wrong). Anyway I was pretty bitter toward him after I hadn’t heard from him for a few days (I think I scared him when I acted overly paranoid). I didn’t hear from him for a few months but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. And then a few weeks ago I took a risk and snap chatted him. He responded and we reconnected. However, he told me that after everything back in August he realized he didn’t want a relationship at the moment. He did, however, suggest “friends with benefits.” I cannot do friends with benefits, I’ve tried it before and it doesn’t work for me. However, I don’t know that I’ll see him out at any point, so that he can see what he’s missing, and he never initiates contact.
How do I change his mind? I know I should be “ungettable”, but its hard to remind a guy about how great you are if you never see each other/he will never initiate contact. After the no contact period, how do I initiate anything without looking like I’m begging or desperate? (I know that him seeing me across a crowded bar and a light shining down on me reminding him that I’m amazing is highly unrealistic lol)

JG

December 11, 2016 at 2:48 am

I forgot to mention that in these past few weeks as he’s seemed to push me away Ive felt like Ive acted more desperately (hence the “begging”) and this is totally not my personality! It’s like I want him more when I can’t have him!
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 13, 2016 at 4:35 pm

Hi JG,

when you first slept with him, we’re you officially together? Because if not, and then now that he is suggesting being friends with benefits, then he is like the other guys you met before but of course, you want him to change which in reality is out of your control. You can only control yourself. If after the nc and in the building rapport stage, he is still like that, let him go. For now, use social media to post your activities. That’s your indirect way of showing your improvement.

Amy

December 10, 2016 at 9:24 pm

My boyfriend and I broke up 5 days ago on Tuesday in a text because I was needy and clingy and always getting mad at him all the time about every little things. He said that it was refreshing spending time away from me and that this wasn’t making him happy anymore. He said the feeling is no longer mutual and that he wasn’t changing his mind. I was very selfish in our relationship and he told me that more than once that I acted like the world revolved around me. I feel horrible and want to change and also get him back. I begged for him to give me another chance to fix things. That only made it worse and he seemed more determined to break up and sounded angry so I stopped texting back. A few hours later he changed his Facebook status to single but he didn’t unfriend me and he kept some of our pictures on his profile and stayed tagged in all the pictures we have together on my profile. On Friday I texted him “Hey” and didn’t get an answer. Several hours later I tried calling and he didn’t pick up. Then I texted him, “I miss you. Can we get together and i can tell you how sorry I am for hurting you?” I got no response. Then last night and today I spent hours writing a letter on microsoft word telling him that I was sorry for everything. It was a really good letter and I put a lot of thought into it. I sent that to him today on Facebook messenger and then 15 minutes later he responds. He said, “Thank you and I forgive you.” Then he sent another message 4 minutes later that said, “You are an amazing girl and you deserve someone who will treat you as such, and if I was just able to show you how you should be treated in a healthy relationship then I believe I did my job. My decision still stands as is, but you will always have a place in my heart and I won’t forget the best of times that we’ve had. The reason I haven’t talked to you is because I wanted you to think about what to really say and how you really feel, instead of just saying what first comes to mind in person. I’m sorry if it felt like I was ignoring you, I just needed for both of us to think about everything.” I didn’t respond. What should I do now? I get the feeling he wanted me to respond because he stayed on Facebook messenger waiting for a few minutes before he got off. In my letter I also said that I’m not asking for us to get back together I just want the opportunity to show him how sorry I am and how I want to be better for him. I also said I love him but I only said it once a the end. This letter was 3 1/2 pages by the way. Should I go no contact for 30 days? I really want him back but I don’t know what to do. His response was nice but it sounds like he really has no intention of dating me again. Please help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 13, 2016 at 2:47 pm

Hi Amy,

Aside from doing the no contact rule, what do you plan to do? Chase him? That’s not a healthy choice. Change first but change for yourself. Learn to do what you love and find out what you love, have a separate life apart from your ex or would be boyfriend.

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