You Should Let Your Ex Come To You After A Breakup; Here's Why!

163 thoughts on “You Should Let Your Ex Come To You; Here’s Why!”

Devin

March 15, 2020 at 8:26 pm

Hi there,

My ex and I broke up 3 days ago and we had been together for 2.5 years. We were genuinely the best of friends, but unfortunately he dealt with past trauma that made intimacy incredibly hard for him. I was unaware of how bad the trauma was until the day of our breakup. He doesn’t tell anyone because it’s a very deep source of shame. We went through several periods of time where he pushed me away, got depressed, and wouldn’t take me out. We tried over and over again, but I continuously pushed and he wanted freedom. He is very unsure about what he wants to do in life (we are both 21) and doesn’t know what his future entails. He knows he wants to be a father one day and a husband, but is definitely no where near ready for that. I am not ready for that either, but would like to know that kind of commitment is possible. We ended things on the terms that he needed to get help with his problems. He promised me he would be back in contact and said he loved me and cared about me more than anyone he ever knew; we decided to not write off a future together. I’m worried that he will think I’m better off without him and won’t reach out again. I know things were tough in the end, but I know that I want him back. I’m scared that because he hasn’t reached out since the breakup it means he won’t. I know that sounds insane, but I don’t want to lose my person

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 26, 2020 at 11:37 pm

Hi Devin, so once you have completed the No Contact of 30 days you can reach out to your ex, so the worry of not hearing from him you need to put on the backburner for now and focus on yourself. Work the Holy Trinity during your NC

Sonia

March 12, 2020 at 10:43 pm

So there’s a whole story abt what happened up till the breakup but Id rather just focus on the present right now. He told my bff that he loves me and respects me so much. But he just didn’t want a relationship anymore. Apparently I made him happy but the relationship didn’t. I Was willing to work for it and still am. We broke up 8 days ago and haven’t contacted each other since. He looks happy when ppl see him and he told my bff that his happiness is not because I’m gone it’s because he’s on his own and that he needed that. He told her I didn’t do anything but I love him so much and I know this can work. When he broke up with me he just said “my feelings aren’t the same” or kept repeating that he just doesn’t want to be with me anymore. He’s a confused guy I know that about him 100%. It takes him time to sort his feelings out. Clearly he’s happy single but still cares for me. What should I do? I want him to realize this is worth it. How do I make him want this again and push his unhappy thoughts of the relationship away? I know in my gut this will work. So please help me make him come back, right now he’s not contacting me because he wants me to be able to get over him, which is scaring me. We dated for almost 2 years and were close friends before that. I want to give this a second chance. We have 3 weeks off school starting next week so i know he won’t be able to hang out with friends much which is what he’s been doing to distract himself. I want a way to make it “click” during this time that we’ll both be apart and alone at home. I know this is worth it. He’s loved me to the fullest and I’ve done the same, we just hurt eachother through poor communication and other small issues and now he doesn’t want it. We’re both almost 19 years old but I seriously love him and want to fix my mistakes and this relationship WITH him. Please help me Chris I’ll owe you everything. Let me know if u need the story before it got to this.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 24, 2020 at 12:43 am

Hi Sonia, do you know what it was about the relationship that made him unhappy? If so that is where you need to work on, if not then you need to just focus on yourself to become Ungettable and use social media to allow your ex to see the positive changes you are making to your life and that you are not going to be sat at home waiting to hear from him. Sometimes guys get grass is greener syndrome (to be single) and then over time they realise that they actually miss you. So make sure that you work an active no contact and follow the ungettable advice, and try to avoid speaking to your friends about him or having them speak to him about you going forward

Kuma

March 12, 2020 at 8:19 am

Hi. My ex is 25 and I am 29. He’s a serious type, knowledgeable and a mature person. We’ve been dating for 6 months. He broke up with me just two weeks ago. Just after breaking up, I pleaded, begged and kept telling we could still revive and even wrote a very long letter just to win him back, He is American and he explained that one of the things contributed on our break up was it would be hard for him to deal about my shyness and that I was often fixated and worries about things much ,cares about what people may think. He said, he appreciates all my good qualities and I am a really a good friend, so he said we can still remain friends and no need to have hard feelings between us.
I still tried to ask him if maybe I just need improvement and I asked him to be patient and give me a chance to work through my weaknesses gradually, but he said, he demands compatibility and that’s normal for Americans in marriage life.
I was confused because we have different point of views regarding this matter. As for me, I could be patient and accept his weaknesses as long as it wasn’t alarming because LOVE is how I feel but he just dumped because mainly about my stubborn shyness and lack of confidence. I just thought this could improve later on and just needed his encouragement and wanted him to understand me well. It’s just for me it wasn’t still a valid reason for break up as we had many good memories together to keep our relationship continue. Other things I suspected why we broke up is maybe it is hard for him to find a new job as it gets him down, he’s currently having part time job as his company just recently lessen their hours or work. He gets down thinking about future responsibilities because of this. He is responsible in saving up money though. We even talked about plans and considered marriage. Now that we broke up, we still talk from time to time but often just casual things and if it is about feelings and he said, he has moved on and I do feel he is not interested to be with me anymore but then yesterday, I deactivated my fb and IG account and hr sent me message, if everything is ok, I replied: “yes” and didn’t get any response anymore after that.
I love him and I am afraid to lose him as I know he has many good qualities and hard to find a guy like him. I know that I have to follow the NC rules but I am afraid, he would just remain firm on his decision:(

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 26, 2020 at 11:30 pm

Hi Kuma, so you need to work on the holy trinity and show him what he has lost. Everyone feels the fear that they wont change their mind but if you follow the program you are giving yourself your best chance of getting your ex back

Lissa

March 8, 2020 at 5:03 pm

I have been with my ex for 3 years. I’m 20 and he is 18 so we’re still young but at he beginning of changing into the adult world. We started having problems a month ago where I felt like he wasn’t that interested off and on. Some days he was totally lovey dovey and others he was distant. Hes been wanting to focus on school which is fine but he also seems to have had plenty of time for his homies and not any for me. He’s cancelled plans on me twice and when I went to confront him about it not in the most healthy way he ended up telling me he was just done. That he didn’t want me on his plate anymore and that he lost interest because I was to jealous about everything. But we have gone through periods like this before we had broken up for 9 months and then had gotten back together for the past 3 years. We say we’re going to break up but then work it out and we don’t. This time seemed more serious considering that his mom was there and everyone sort of said goodbye like it was real. But I don’t know if thats really what he wanted or if he was just mad. Should I ask him or what should I do. What do you think

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 13, 2020 at 12:04 am

Hi Lissa, so you go into a No Contact and stick to it for 30 days and then reach out with a text that Chris suggests

Marie

February 27, 2020 at 1:29 am

I dated a guy 4 years younger than me, I’m 31, for only 2 months. And he broke up with me through a text Message saying, “we are on different pages and at different places in our life”. Obviously sad about this, because I won’t lie, I felt him pulling away and even though I know better I kept pushing him instead of giving him space. Since we “broke up” I haven’t contacted him, been hanging out with old friends, keeping busy at work, distracting myself with dates here and there. I feel better but still sad at the WAY things ended. I wasn’t perfect the way I reacted to things with him, but it was also the way he was acting that made me that way. After reading this article I’m going to continue with the no contact, continue to talk to my friends and mom about how I feel and keep it open, and also write down anything I’m feeling, it all helps! Also, I do mediation before bed every night! I don’t think he’s coming back ever because I’m he’s already made up his decision, he doesn’t want to settle down.
Valerie Shoif

February 24, 2020 at 3:42 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me 5 days ago. We were together for 5 months, and everything was great. He expressed so much interest, he planned adorable dates, he talked about plans for our future together. We met at the gym that he works at, and we both had crushes on each other for months without knowing. So when things finally got going, it was like a dream come true for both of us. I think it’s important to note that he is 22, and I am 4 years older so we are at different stage in our lives, which I took into consideration from the very start and tried to tread with caution, but I fell quickly anyways because he is unlike anyone I’ve ever met. I was sure he was it for me. But of course, he hit me with the “I’m not ready, I need to figure out what I want in life and I just can’t dedicate enough time to this relationship”. I’m heartbroken, but I do understand. I haven’t reached out, even though I want to, but we did run into each other at the gym and had a very brief conversation and I went on my way. When we were breaking up, he told me he didn’t want to label this a break up, and he didn’t want to lose me and I think he meant it. But he hasn’t reached out, and when we saw each other it was tense and awkward. I have trust issues, he’s aware of this, and now I’m really angry because it seems as though he was very dishonest with me about what he wanted, during our relationship and his expectations for what we’d be after. I don’t know what to do from here, I’ve kept up No Contact but I’m scared that he’s never going to reach out to me and I have so many thoughts and feelings I want to share with him.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 3, 2020 at 10:35 pm

Hey, so with No contact you are supposed to reach out to your ex after 21/30/45 days. With a text that Chris suggests. Read the articles on this website to understand what a real No Contact is and then about the Holy trinity

Jae

February 24, 2020 at 2:20 pm

My ex and I only dated for 2 months. When we met, it was like magic, and love at first sight. Seemed like we’ve known each other for forever. But, I have a personality disorder which made me feel like I’m not good for him and often compared myself to his exes. He understood my condition for a while but then he started to get cold. He told me he still wants to be a part of my life but better off be friends. Relationship-wise, no,.. but there might be a possibility in the future.
I love him, I really do. 2 days after the break up, I texted him and reminded him how we met and fell in love. Didn’t get a text back, and never contacted him after that.
A week after, he texted me if I wanted my clothes and he can drop it off on his way to the gym. I’m being torn with lots of choices.
I want him back. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 3, 2020 at 10:34 pm

Hi Jae, so you can get your things back with out it being “over” for good. You want your things then agree for him to drop them off and continue with the No Contact rule where you are working on your holy trinity during that time.

J

February 21, 2020 at 7:57 pm

My ex broke up with me a month ago. We lived together but I stayed out of his way. When he broke up with me he was so drunk.
I moved into my own flat which is lovely.
I’ve done no contact for a month.
He then text me a week ago to see how I was. I sent a polite message to say I am fine then he text immediately to say I am glad you’re Okay..x

Then back to no contact. I had to contact him yesterday to ask him to post something I had left at his. Again he text immediately no kisses this time. Back to no contact. Is this all right?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 22, 2020 at 11:40 pm

Hi J so No contact you shouldn’t be replying when they want to know how you are doing – you ignore those messages. Asking for something you left behind when you moved out is okay. So add some more time to you No Contact before you reach out to him with a text that Chris suggests sending

Bridget

February 5, 2020 at 10:06 pm

We only dated for 3 months, but I still want him back. There’s definitely something there. I can feel it, and I know he feels it, too.

We are both mid-40s. He’s a divorced father of one, and I’ve never been married (nor have kids).

I ran into him the other night after 3.5 months of no contact. Truth be told, he works with my sister (but my sister is currently in another office in another state, and she was visiting this past weekend).

He was with a bachelor party (very tame), and I think my sister told him we’d be at this particular restaurant. He knew I was there because his friends told me. Apparently he debriefed the men before they arrived.

He was very nice. Came over to us and said hello (he gave hugs). He lingered a little bit but then went back to his crew.

10-15 minutes later, one of his friends came over and started talking to us, and then he came back over. This time, he hung back until everyone (around me) was gone. I guess he wanted to talk? I don’t really know because it didn’t happen. I asked him some questions, and he answered. He didn’t ask anything about me. Not one thing, which annoyed me (but he wasn’t very inquisitive while we were dating). He then wanted us (my group) to just join his group (the other side of the restaurant).

He was loud and boisterous, and the entire group was, well, testosterone-y. I mean, it was a bachelor party; no one is surprised. He draped his arm around my sister a few times. Can’t tell if he was just being friendly or trying to make me a little jealous. He moved me out the way at one point, pushing my back into the circle.

His friends were VERY curious. “Will you get back with him? What would he have to do differently? You’re very pretty!”

It was time to go, and I closed my tab. I wasn’t drinking, FYI. He came over to me, put his hand on my back, and said, “I really wanted to talk to you but everyone was always around.” I told him that was fine. I actually left pretty quickly after that exchange. I hugged him (and kissed him on the cheek) goodbye. And that was that.

So, now, of course, I really want him to reach out and “talk to me” like he said he wanted to. That was 4 days ago.

I definitely would like to try again with him. My gut is telling me he wants to, too. Truly. I don’t know if that’s wishful thinking or not. I’m very consumed by it all, but I’m also trying to remain positive and not drive myself crazy. I intend to wait for him to reach out to me. 100%. I just really hope he does. My hope is high. There’s something very different about this one, and I want to explore a relationship.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 8, 2020 at 6:58 pm

Hi Bridget so I think his friends were fishing for information and I do think its opened a window for communication between you both, but I agree that you do not reach out to him first as of YET. I would leave it around 10 days, if you have not heard from him by then, send a funny text, or something that you know he would be interested in. Sometimes they need a nudge to make contact

Louise N

February 4, 2020 at 1:14 pm

My boyfriend and I broke up a few days ago as he said he didn’t feel the same way as before. We had been for an amazing 3 days away and I thought things were great, but a few days after we had a bicker about something unimportant and he started to say he hated pointless little bickers and wasn’t sure if he felt the same anymore. We ‘tried’ for 2 weeks and then I went to uni for 2 weeks and when I got back he ended it, again saying he doesn’t know why but he doesn’t feel the same and he just wants to be on his own right now. We were together for over a year and he really is the love of my life. He’s going through a lot in his family life too, but we are meant to be together and can’t understand why he’s suddenly cut it off. He texted me after saying sorry, and that he feels it is right for him and we have had no contact since. Because he is such a good guy, I am worried I won’t hear from him as he won’t want to hurt me even more. I’m heartbroken, please help, where do I go from here?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 15, 2020 at 5:34 pm

Hey Louise, so you need to start with no contact and working on yourself so that you get over the shock of the break up and gain emotional control again. If he is going through issues at home, and then bickering with you understand he just feels that he needs a escape route from hassle. Once your 30 day no contact is over reach out and try to talk to him about a topic he is interested in but do not have an emotional conversation or talk about the break up whatsoever. Focus is to have a short positive conversation to break the ice

Audrina

December 31, 2019 at 8:09 am

First, I’m young. And time is on my side. I want this to work out in the end so I’m willing to be patient and careful.
My ex and I weren’t together for a terribly long time. But our flirtation was intense and direct and actually lasted longer than the relationship. Significant though, is the fact that he pursued me and spending time with me the majority of the time in that phase. It was pretty magical really.
So we decided to get together After several weeks of butterfly inducing flirting. We were great together and we were just getting started. Those future plans that are so hard to avoid making had only taken shape when he explained that since his prior girlfriend had broken up with him only a couple of months before, he wasn’t up for this. My immediate question was Why Did You Lursue Me? But I’d didn’t ask that. I still wonder but I’m getting better at not know.

She had messed with him emotionally and she was still in his rear view mirror though he had cut off all contact with her for about a month to give himself room to put it all behind him and he knows she was toxic for him so he doesn’t intend to reconnect.

Now, we’ve been apart for a month. It’s actually not possible for me to have zero contact with him because he is in my circle of friends and we take a class together. But I don’t call him. I’ve texted twice since the break up – both times to wish him happy holidays. Probably shouldn’t have but we were friends first and I rationalized that. So my bad….
Anyway….I didn’t hold onto any of his stuff. I don’t talk about him with any of our friends. The only person I ever talk to about him is my mother who I’m close with.
I’ve tried to seek out new people to get to know and I’m definitely socially active. 99% of the time I’m social without him around. I’m not wallowing and I don’t blame him. I refuse to bad mouth him. And I accepted the break up gracefully without any whining or begging. I would say I came out with my self respect intact.

But I miss him like crazy because he is a killer match for me in temperament, beliefs and goals and background. I know his family loved me and everyone was shocked to learn we ended because it seemed a great match. I’ve asked the friends that are super loyal to me to please give him the room to do what he needs and pay him the respect to believe him when he says it was bad timing. I’ve asked them not to be hard on him. Am I naive?

I long for closure but I haven’t asked for it and I won’t.

I’m playing a long game and I’m not going to burn bridges.

But what can I do now and what kind of hope do I have if I’m patient? How long? I don’t want to be fake. I’m not pining. I am over him for today – for this season. But I am holding out for a return because it’s a shame to think this was it

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 4, 2020 at 10:59 pm

Hey there so if you want to get your ex back, even in your situation you need to complete a limited no contact where you only speak if you have to and remain civil and polite. And read as many articles that you know apply to your situation to give you best outcome, if you want him back following this process is going to give you, your best chance

Sophie

December 26, 2019 at 8:27 am

I was dating a guy for 5 month but he has neber been in love or in a relationship so aftrr those 5 months we broke up as he said he didnt feel the same or want something more serious but he still wanted to give it a bit more time to see how it could be and I said no, so we broke up. I didnt talk to him in a month and a half and i started to reach out, we even matched on tinder… We have been chat casually and two weeks ago he asked if I was dating someone and i asked him back, he said he had been in a few dayes but he is not keen on it, and after it he said ” we could meet up this weekend again if you fancy? Just to hang out and catch up. I said I was going to be away and he said ee could meet up once you are back. After that ee have spoke a few times but I am going to be away for another two /three weeks. How do I keep him interested to meet up? I am afraid he might meet someone in all this weeks and no longer interested on me. Also if he didnt want anything serious or apparently didnt have feelings for me, could no contact make him realise the opposite? Many thanks!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 30, 2019 at 3:37 pm

Hey Yes no contact can make him think about his feelings for you, but if he is telling you he does not want a serious relationship you need to keep this in mind when you are trying to get him back as he has not said he wants differently. So you need to consider, do you want to have a serious relationship? If so then you make it clear you are not looking for fun or casual thing. Dating other guys and letting him know you are actively dating might push him to make a commitment of “boyfriend and girlfriend” but it still may not get to where you want it to be if he is not ready to settle down

Anonymous

December 17, 2019 at 4:10 am

A week ago, my boyfriend of almost 6 months and I broke up. I had a random gut feeling it was going to happen and it was really affecting me. He eventually asked me what had been bothering me, I told him the truth and the conversation just went downhill from there. Although we both ugly cried and held hands tightly during the breakup, he said he was “emotionally tired”, “burnt out”, “done”, “needed a break” and that even though “we have a connection” he lost the “spark”. There was a lot of tough things that happened to me in the past 3 months, which made me depressed and I think that took a toll on him and our relationship since we were so codependent. I know in my gut he still loves me and I know once I get to a better place (which I’ve been working on every day since) that our relationship can be even better than before. But, he said he was done trying to make it work and that even with our connection “we don’t work in a relationship dynamic”. I have never met someone who is so in sync with me; everyone would always comment on us being “in sync” (even his friends) and saw how good we were together, so I don’t believe that we don’t work in a relationship. I just believe we couldn’t work at the time because of my state of mind. Because I believe our connection is so crazy, I don’t want to give up on it. I’ve been doing no contact since our breakup in order to give him space and focus on me. He seems to be happy just hanging out w his boys and it makes me wonder if he misses me at all. Is there still a chance? Am I on the right path? Does he miss me? So many questions…Just needing some advice from someone other than my parents or friends.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 22, 2019 at 3:59 pm

Hey so I suggest taking some time to work on yourself so that you are coming out of the depression state feeling confident and happy (being single) and then when you are at that point you can reach out to him again and see where you stand. People go through things in life and at times that can cause a relationship to break down because the other person does not know how to deal with how the other is feeling (what ever happened to you seems to have caused the distance) which is where you need that time to work on yourself to be the person you were before but stronger

Jane Doe

December 8, 2019 at 8:12 am

Hi, so I broke up with my bf a few days ago because we got into an argument and I lost my cool and told him I want to break up (it was out of anger). He said if that’s what I want, then he will respect that. It has been eating away at me on why he acted the way he did on the day I got upset at him and broke up, so I messaged him earlier just to get closure because we didn’t really clear things up and I had a lot of questions. After I initiated the convo and told him how I was feeling, he said he wants to get back together. But I don’t know if I should give him a chance since he didn’t even contact me after the break up and waited for me to contact him first. I still love him and wish I never broke up with him but like you said , men are drivin to chase. And if he really wanted to be with me , wouldn’t he have tried to contact me first? Wouldn’t he have tried to restore our relationship? I need advice because my friends are all telling me to not give him a chance and to move on. But I honestly don’t know what to do. Please help me.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 8, 2019 at 11:17 pm

Hi Jane, so as you want him back you need to read and make yourself aware of how the program works, once you are done reading about no contact, ungettable girl and how to send a first text. You need to start conversation with him as he has “respected your decision” for now he may reach out eventually but you need to prepare yourself to be in a better place so that if you get back together you can communicate better during disagreements so you dont end the relationship in the heat of the moment

Melissa scarangella

December 6, 2019 at 9:15 am

So I was in a relationship for about 4 years. I dated this guy I worked with and we had up and downs.(I messed up in the relationship, I made mistakes and wasn’t fully honest about a few things).I was going thru a separation with my ex which we have kids in common at the same time. We ended our relationship about 9 months ago but we kept contact here and there via text. We would stop contacting each other for about a month and then chat again but didnt meet. I got a new job, and he was happy for me as he felt that I had much more potential to offer and I was basically wasting my time at my current job. I kept some contact with coworkers and come to find out the week after I leave he starts mentioning he has a girlfriend. I have tried to ask in a very discret way If hes dating anyone and he denys it. I was the one lately initiating conversation, but now I feel like blocking him or not responding when he reaches out. He doesn’t really pursue me, I’m the one that has asked him if we can meet, he saids he would like that but doesn’t really follow up.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 6, 2019 at 5:58 pm

Hi Melissa, so if you are wanting more of a relationship from this guy or as little as a meet up you are going to have to attract him more or get him more invested in talking to you

Beth

December 2, 2019 at 2:32 pm

My ex broke it off with me two days before my birthday 11/21. Our one year anniversary is or would have been 11/25. We had plans for thanksgiving, Christmas, and two other trips planned in December and January. He has 15 year old twins and I have a 3 year old. We both have full custody so the ex thing never was a problem in our relationship. We never argued and always tried to stay on the same page. During this past year we are 35 minutes apart so I guess it could be considered long distant, we both work full time plus I am in school full time but I graduate in 2 weeks 12/13. Anyways, about a week before we broke up he started questioning everything and started overthinking everything (keep in mind he is 40 and I am 28). He finally told me that his feelings just aren’t where he feels they should be a year in and that was that. I got my stuff and left and went cold turkey on the no contact and have not reached out or anything since he broke up with me on 11/19. I haven’t heard from him either so I’m assuming its really over and he doesn’t care but IDK.
Joelle

November 24, 2019 at 8:52 pm

My ex is in the Navy and was away for 4 months on a tour. Right before he left we had gotten into an argument that freaked him out. He’s a guy that believes relationships should be easy and that things should be great 100% of the time so an argument of any kind made him question the relationship…it’s safe to say he doesn’t have too much relationship experience…despite us both being 30 years old. But we had only been dating at that point for 7 months before he left for his tour.

Despite the argument, we agreed it wasn’t enough a reason to end the relationship and we continued to talk every day for 2 months while he was gone. But during those 2 months of talking every day, it became evident that we hadn’t yet reached our normal yet and we admitted to each other we hadn’t fully recovered from that argument but agreed it was because we hadn’t been able to spend any time together since. We were completely limited to our phones. That combined with him deciding he wasn’t quite done with this career and knowing it would make a relationship harder and feeling guilt about that, he told me he didn’t want to feel responsible for me being at home waiting for him when he wasn’t as confident in us and wanted a break from trying to get back to what we were before the argument and that we would see what happens when he got home. I didn’t contact him at all after he broke up with me or initiated the “break” and then exactly 30 days after, he reached out to me to ask how i was doing and how my friend’s wedding had been that I had been at weekend before. It was a very brief but friendly conversation. I felt optimistic about it but he still wasn’t home so I didn’t want to initiate conversation again. Let him come to me. 2 weeks after that he sent me a snap of him watching one of our favorite shows. But I knew he probably sent that to a bunch of his friends too. So I didn’t respond. Kinda trying to play a little hard to get? Don’t even know what I would have said in response to it. Plus, i wanted him to wonder why I didn’t and feel like he had to reach out again.
He’s home in 6 days and I’m worried if I’ll hear from him or not. If i should initiate. Or do I continue to let him come to me. Until what point?
By not reaching out myself, am I risking him closing the lines of communication again? Or am i giving off the ungettable girl vibes with me being aloof to his last snap?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 24, 2019 at 9:30 pm

Hi Joelle you are gong to have more of an impact if you do not reach out when hes home because he is going to expect you to. Keep yourself socially busy when he is home and post about it, if he gets in touch then you can reply giving that you have done a period of no contact already. But I would not chase him just because he is home

Alex

November 5, 2019 at 4:34 pm

So me and my ex broke up 7 months ago because I lied that I was going home and instead went to a concert. He was so hurt and broke up with me. A couple of days later when we saw each other he said he needed time but we’d be together again but better. We acted like a couple for a month but then I stopped seeing him, he started talking less and blunt and we’d argue particularly about why we broke up which we never did during our relationship. It got pretty bad and he aired me then popped up again 10 days later. I said a wrong thing so he got cold again and since there have been sometimes when we have been good and he even said I love you and we met up for lunch. But lately his replies have gotten blunter and more spread out until yesterday he stopped replying. I think because I kept crying and opening up about my feelings he went from saying I need some time to I can’t do it it just won’t work. I’m trying the no contact now but I think because it’s so late and he’s become so used to me being this annoying begging ex he won’t miss me and won’t come back. What do I do 🙁

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 9, 2019 at 1:46 am

Hi Alex give it some time with a No Contact and live your life in the mean time, as much as what you did hurt the prolonging the situation is just going to make it worse so give him that space so he stops being hurt that you lied to him etc. When you reach out again make sure you are open with him in communication and that you dont break his trust again

Frankie

July 19, 2019 at 4:46 am

Hi Chris,

I did 30 days of NC and on day 21 my ex reached out. I responded nicely but then said I had to go and went back to NC. It’s now 7 weeks since we broke up. Lately he’s been texting very friendly messages and has called a few times. He’s even talked about future plans that include me in them. Trouble is, he hasn’t made any plans or attempts to see me. I’ve tried hinting but that hasn’t worked. Now I worry that he just wanted to see if I’m still around and still interested in him. I don’t want to be strung along. He has some fears of commitment. How do I know if I just need to be patient or if I need to try another tactic? How do I get him to chase me? I backed off again and haven’t heard from him at all today. I don’t want to be friend zoned or the plan B girl. I found this article and agree that he should be pursuing me. Just not sure how to do that now. Thanks for the help.
Gitika

July 1, 2019 at 1:01 pm

I’m currently reaching Day 14 of no contact after my bf told me he needed “to be alone right now” after we had a rough week of on/off contact after a fight. A week or so before we met and he told me he wanted a “sabbatical”, so to speak (he didn’t want to call it a break because he didn’t want me to be hopeful, but he also didn’t want to call it a breakup) we had an argument because I was nagging him to talk about some career-related things he was stressed about and he got very uncharacteristically angry and walked off. After a week of trying to give him space to cool down we eventually met and he didn’t want to exchange personal items or truly separate for good, but instead he said “I should move on and be happy” and not feel like he’s dragging me along, but if he comes back to me then I have the choice to take him back or not. This seemed very mature to me, but I felt a bit desperate in the moment so I asked him to reach out in a month to check-in. I’m afraid I compromised the no contact that I’ve been doing from the get-go. Is there anything more specifically I should be doing? I have stayed strong with no contact and plan on reaching out in ~45 days.

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