You Should Let Your Ex Come To You After A Breakup; Here's Why!

163 thoughts on “You Should Let Your Ex Come To You; Here’s Why!”

Vero

February 9, 2018 at 4:41 pm

I have a general question!

So, after NC, I may initiate contact and increase it bit by bit (Tide Theory). When should I let him initiate? And when I am allowed to initiate?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 12, 2018 at 11:40 pm

Hi Vero,

Approach nc like this one:
EBR 009: The No Contact Rule If You Work With Your Ex

Juanita Holt

February 9, 2018 at 12:35 pm

He made insecure lookiing at women had ro always sot n a restaurant so he could see everyone. We was together 1 year and 6 months, he was married 20 years they still not divorced she cheated he still pays her car insurance, phone bill and property taxes thats just what i know of. There son is 18 teen he still has pictures of her amd deleted all of mine. When i try to talk to him about anything he alwayus says its all n my head and we never resolve anything. He disappears for 3 to 4 days with no contact and says i stress him out with questions that im trying to control him my love is miserable and im not part of his routine.
Ree

February 9, 2018 at 4:23 am

My ex and I were together for a almost a year. We moved in together after 6 months. At first he pursued me, initiated everything and pushed for us to see each other more, he could barely spend a night apart from me. As the relationship progressed, he became more distant and less affectionate until it almost completely stopped. We had a fight and he said he no longer saw a future for us but he wanted to try and fight to get back what we had. One day out of the blue he woke up and said he didn’t love me and never would and that I wasn’t the one for him but he needed time and space to clear his head. He couldn’t tell me that it was over but couldn’t tell me that we had a chance of getting back together but was trying not to give me false hope. Any contact after that he would reiterate that he felt he had made the right decision even if it hurt us both and that he can’t change how he feels. Naturally I panicked and begged for him not to leave me (hadn’t found this site yet) and 4 weeks after our break-up he blocked me on messenger but still has me as a friend. I have to see him 3 times a week due to sporting commitments at the same club. I am in my 4th week of NC but now whenever I see him he will try to have an excuse to start a conversation. I have maintained being aloof whenever he is around and not making a big deal out of our conversations but it is leaving me incredibly confused. What should I do? Should I walk away?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 9, 2018 at 12:57 pm

HI Ree,

by walking away do you mean moving on? How much are you improving yourself?

Joanna

February 8, 2018 at 5:39 pm

He broke up with me about a month ago, saying he had lost interest and didn’t have romantic feelings any more. He said he wants to be friends, but he really hasn’t been showing that. One thing he said took a toll on him was that I struggle with depression and I was too dependent on him. I’m getting started back into therapy and trying to reach out to family and friends more to help with that. I had been letting him contact me, but I’m finding that trying to maintain a casual conversation is mentally draining because I’m trying to say everything right and not show how hurt I am. The first few days, I really tried and begged him to try again, or to take a break for a few months, but he says he can’t see himself spending his life with me anymore. This is after dating nearly 2 years and being friends for about a year before dating. He told me before he wanted to get married and that I was his soulmate. What happened? I don’t know what to do. I know you guys say no contact, but he tried to call earlier and I feel like ignoring it was wrong.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 9, 2018 at 12:23 pm

Hi Joanna,

Do you want to try the nc rule?

Munni

February 8, 2018 at 1:32 pm

My ex broke up with me 3 months ago. We work in the same company, and worst the same team but maintain distance and try not to see each other often. I have begged him on and off, tried NC the first months successfully but still, he said he could not get back as he felt suppressed in the relationship. We are from different religions and now he has told all our friends that he is getting married soon to a girl fixed by his parents. I went to his place thrice at night to talk to him, and all the three times we had sex but morning he said he would never get back with me, as he has moved on.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 9, 2018 at 12:12 pm

Hi Munni,

The nc is worthless if you begged and chased after it.. If he’s getting married, then that means you have to move on.

Sally

February 6, 2018 at 4:30 pm

My ex and I were really only FWBs. We were to have dates and hookups but then he eliminated the dates and we only ended up having the hookups.

It was a casual relationship. We saw each other for about a year — about eight times. As far as I know, we were seeing each other exclusively. Throughout the year, I couldn’t say that I was always happy since I had unmet needs but I wanted to give things a chance to see if he could want me for a traditional relationship.

Before he left town for Christmas, he said that he would chat to me in the new year. His email was fairly affectionate. However, when I read his message, I got upset and responded by dumping him. I simply said: “Good luck to you.” I was disappointed that I wouldn’t get to see him on New Year’s Eve.

Two days after I sent that email, I sent another email just to chitchat. I carried on as if nothing had happened. He didn’t respond.

Then on New Year’s day, he sent me an email to wish me a happy New Year. A few days after that email, he sent an email to dump me. He said that he didn’t want a relationship with me.

Since he dumped me a month ago, I sent him countless emails to beg and convince him to see me again. He hasn’t responded to any of my messages. For all I know, maybe he’s even blocked my emails. I know I should try the no contact rule but have no self-control. However, if I were to try the no contact rule, starting today, what are my chances of hearing from him again? Good or bad?

Btw, I know that everyone will think that I’m crazy to be wasting my time on this guy, but even so… I like him and want to continue with even just the hookups for a bit longer.

Thanks.
Sally.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 8, 2018 at 12:23 pm

Hi Sally,

have you taken our quiz?

Rani

February 5, 2018 at 1:43 pm

Brace yourself, it’s a long one (or read the summery down below =-) )

My ex-boyfriend broke up with me 3 months ago. We were together for 8 years, and I still can’t believe it. We we’re really good together. Same interests, same opinions. Everything. We were young, both 16 years old. And now we are 24. It’s really hard. In the beginning his textmessages were really cruel and hard. I couldn’t understand it. He also looked like a total different person. After 3 weeks he was already dating someone else.(someone he met in an hairsalon. She works there). The problem was: I was a very dependent person, he knew I would always wait for him. Also because I do feel (felt) that we weren’t ready. We had a lot of affection (hugs, seks, kisses). He was just really busy and stuff. Also my jealousy was a bad point. He is/was my world — MY BAD! And I wanted to avoid him finding someone better. But by doing that, I actually lost him. Quite ironic :(. I had the no contact period until day 18. That’s when I heard he already was dating another girl (always texting, and went for couple of drinks), and I was soooo upset.

When I reached out to him he told me that they had an amazing connection, and he wants to take it slow with her.

He is my first love, and i really am still head over hills. But I know we are a lost case. Because even today – after 3 months – he’s certain about his choice. But how can he trow everything away? Like it’s nothing?

The past months we had some struggles. We’ve moved in together, but that didn’t work out (bad timing, because he was still going to school and worked half-time. And then there was my jealousy and the common ‘you’re never at home’. After that, we moved back at our parents home and after 3 weeks we were back together. And the relationship was great again. We were even laughing like: “as if we can separate, we are too good for each other”. But the past month we had a lot of discussion. He is very ambitious, which is great! He works half-time as a sportsteacher and securityguy, and recently started an own bussines in personal training. And as time went by, I felt less important… despite seeing each 4 times a week, I felt there was something wrong… Or I made it up, ofcourse. And after a huge fight (which was totally my bad, my jealousy god damn) he ended it. and from one day to the next he was very cold and distant and saying ‘I wasn’t the right woman for him. And he found he has fought enough for our relationship. And a lot of other heartbreaking arguments. But after 3 weeks he was already dating? Very hard for me to hear and endure, because I really thought I meant more for him… Because when It was good, we were like amorous teenagers… Which was most of the time.. I still can’t believe it he can threw everything away, and already showing interest in someone else. Maybe he’s curiosity took over…

The No Contact rule: the first month – after begging and crying ofcourse – I left him alone. After that month I texted him – because of something practical. He found it the opportunity to ASK How I m doing. He wanted to know Aalot. Even If my parents are angry, but I’ve responded badly like: you broke up with me. It’s none of your business anymore. He said he don’t want to be annemies, and wants to know time to time What s up, and What I’m doing.

I haven’t heard from him since 28th of December, untill 2 weeks ago (23th of January). He texted me to pick up the rest of his stuff. I was short and distant, where he got annoyed by. He told me: “Can’t you speak normal after 3 months…” When the conversation ended he asked out of the blue “how are you doing”? I ignored him, and then he asked about my dog and that he really wanted to see her again. He asked it several times in one conversation. I said “when the time is ready”. After that convertation he asked again how i’m doing… 2 times. So I just said “I’m doing fine”, which he replied: “Okay, good”. Probably because I don’t give a full explenation? This whole thing makes me feel sad and angry again. Why didn’t want me in his life anymore, why does he always ask how i’m doing??

that weekend we had a conversation. Even after 3 months he still says the same :”The love was over’: “I was unhappy, although I had everything”. “I know I can”t make you happy and give you want you want and need.” “After moving back home with my parents (we shared a appartement together) something broke and never heeled again.” He also told that even tough we are not together, he still isn’t happy. Like he said: ” don’t know who of what’s gonna make me happy’. But it seems that, even after 3 months of less – no – contact he still doesn’t regret breaking up with me. Even though we had a relationship of 8 years.

It really was hard to hear these sentences. So, end of Octobre we broke up after 8 years. End of November we had contact, in December a several times and now two weeks ago. But I know, when he got his stuff back, I will not hear from him anymore…

PS: in that same conversation he admitted to miss me as a person in his life., after I asked him. “Do you miss me as a person in your life, not as a partner.’ Which he answered: “I miss you for sure as a person!”. He also admitted he dated the same girl (hairdresser) several times (he started after 3 weeks :(, which makes our conversation a little hostile from my side, because he really hurt me) and that he kissed her. Well, that was heartbreaking. Two weeks ago he came for his stuff and he asked if he was allowed to see my dog AGAIN (he was crazy about her). A several minutes later he even asked me to see me … But announced that ‘it would make things harder, so he would understand if I didn’t want to’. Which I totally not wanted, for myself. I would hurt me. BUT WHY ON EARTH WOULD HE WANTS TO SEE ME? After only 3 months … We’ve said everything what there’s need to be said…

I’ve havn’t heard from him for two weeks now.

Sorry for the long story 🙂 I wanted to make it shorter, but that’s difficult 🙂

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EBR Team Member: Amor

February 8, 2018 at 11:42 am

Hi Rani,

do a last nc of at least 45 days.. Be active in improving yourself and in posting and start a routine that you will continue after nc whether you decide to move or to slowly build rapport. Act as if he has moved on and this is a restart. Do not ask to be friends, nor ask if there’s still a chance. Just slowly build rapport.

Chi

February 5, 2018 at 8:06 am

My ex bf and have been broken up for almost 4mos now. I can say I have refocused my life into other things like getting back in shape, getting busy with my studies in masters and in my current work. We havent spoken to each other for 3mos and I unfriended him in all social media. Recently, I heard that his friends sent him recent videos or photos of me on fb. They thought he would be happy that I’d be doing fine and improving even if im hurting. But instead, he felt sad. So right now, im confused why he felt sad since he was the one who broke it off with me saying that he’s scared that maybe in the future we will break up. He also said he wanted to be strong, mature and improve himself and wanted to boost his self confidence. Idk if im looking for a reason to hope. I guess I am. So right now, im still hurting that he hasnt done anything to reach out to me after the break up. He just went on with his life.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2018 at 3:19 pm

Hi Chi,

If that came from friends, take it with a grain of salt because they might be just playing cupid on you two..

Vanessa

February 4, 2018 at 7:54 am

So I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months, he was hanging out with his friends a lot and it bothered me, he would always reassure me that everything was ok I told him I felt unwanted and I couldn’t continue to do this anymore and I needed to be a priority vs an option, he agreed and the next day he proposed, my dumb ass accepted and 2 hours later he said he was going to help his cousin and was gone for hours, he called me and said it would take longer than he expected and I finally got fed up because he always does this, he also relapsed, so this is the biggest reason why I did not like the fact he was hanging with his friends and cousins. So I decided to break up with him and I told him I could not continue to do this anymore. He then began to spread rumors that I became involved with his brother, so I in turn had enough went to his house and told him off, I told him bring your brother over here so I can confront him, I told him I’m not scared only a guilty conscience hides and I ain’t hiding. Obviously he never called his brother so that I could confront him, but after that I was finally done. But then again you start to regret, how could he propose to me and then next thing were broken up for the same reason all over again, so the next morning at 3 am I received a text with him saying “I’m sorry” I didn’t respond I initiated no contact, 2nd day he texts “could we please talk” I did not respond, the third day he texts this is the last time you will hear from me, I love you, I miss you, I feel so stupid, I know you would have given me the world, I’m sorry I wasn’t the man you needed in your life, thank you for everything, this is it, I am gona block you now. I never responded it is now day 7 of no contact haven’t heard from him directly in 4 days but he did call our mutual friend and told her that he missed me and he loved me so much, she told him he was complicated and he agreed, and that’s the last thing I’ve heard. I told my friend that I did not want to hear anything about him because I feel betrayed by him how could he go from one extreme to the other, we had a good relationship not sure if it was the relapse or his friends or what I just want everything to go back to the way it was when we first started dating. Will he change, why would he choose that lifestyle I don’t know I just don’t get it, he also told me that he was not a chaser and basically he wasn’t going to kiss my ass…not sure how to take this, does he miss me, does he love me, why doesn’t he show it ugh

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2018 at 12:08 pm

Hi Vanessa,

if that has been his lifestyle before dating you, then he would really go back to it once he got comfortable in the relationship. If no, then it’s probably a grass is greener for him. check this one:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

loubelle

April 10, 2018 at 11:43 pm

he has gaslighted you like my ex did with me. he also was in touch with both his exes who apparantly cheated on him. your ex appears to me wants his ex back or was stillin a relationship with her im sorry to say. Me and my ex never resolved anything even though i like to confront and get things out the way to move on, he used to just run or blow cold. these men are cowards and they use women until they find another one or until the ex takes them back. we are a stop gap girl for these men juanita. no contact him. find someone else.

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163 thoughts on “You Should Let Your Ex Come To You; Here’s Why!”