The Worst Nightmares During No Contact And How To Handle Them

476 thoughts on “Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule”

Marina

April 25, 2017 at 10:55 am

Hi,

I am probably not the first one to be in this kind of situation, but we spent almost two years dating/being in a on-off relationship. Last month, he did it again: we were reaching a level at which we were perfectly comfortable with each other, about to go on two trips together, doing everything together but also leaving each other space, since we put a lot of understanding and effort to make the relationship work back in September 2016; out of nowhere, he freaked out about a simple fact like “kissing each other too much” but accused me of being the one to kiss him, which was ridiculous given the fact that he has always been the one with initiative.

It offended me so much, I had a crazy reaction and we started fighting over many different nonsense things for 3 weeks onwards. We passed from “we need some time”, to “everything will be fine between us”, to “we’ve never been more than friends”, to “yeah, well I never liked you” in a few days time. Point is, the more I pushed the more he pushed me away and that’s a fact.

Surprisingly, when I decided to agree and have some time off without seeing each other, he called me 15 times in a day (did not pick up) and we ended up having a hysterical argument at 2am because he was very furious and apparently had some stuff to say to me but I was drunk. We did not say absolutely anything with susbstance to each other, just blamed one the other, shouted and screamed. He blocked me on Whatsapp ever since and said never to contact him back again (being him the one to have contacted me).

We do work together, same office, desk one next to the other and I started the NC rule the next day after the fight. We have not exchanged a single word. We recently had this situation in which we had to discuss something about work and I asked a simple answer question *yes or no* if he would like me to handle the case myself and he did not reply.

First days he was very cheered up, tried to seem like nothing happened. As soon as I felt a little bit better with myself and took the NC time to realize stuff about me and started looking okay in the office, he has been weirdly: seems okay, then the next minute he seems sad, then the next hour he is angry… Yesterday he dropped a pile of documents on me by mistake and did not apologize, and then he got very aggresive at the end of the shift while me and my best friend were talking and laughing around.

To be honest, I do love him and I do obviously want him back. I just cannot decide whether this is working out and he regrets what happened or I am just a massive pain to be around and he hates me even more each day that passes by. He has shut himself out completely and does not see any of our best friends in the city, so there is no way to know what he is up to either.

I don’t know what’s going on…
Advice would be appreciated.

Marina

April 30, 2017 at 12:11 am

Well, just when I decided to move on….

He came to me the other day with the mission to remind me he has some stuff of mine back at his. When I thought it was just a normal short conversation about that exactly, he said he is very unhappy with our current situation… So, I decided I am not ready to talk about it (and specially he doesn’t look ready to do so either) and just said a mutual friend of ours (male) will pick my stuff thru next week for me.

Took him exactly 1 minute to get very angry and start asking me “oh, so is this it?” repeatedly and yelling he thought I cared about him and similar stuff… Usually in this kind of situation, he does know how to push my buttons and make me engage in the argument but I managed not to for the first time ever…

And this happened exactly at 2 weeks time of NC so I’d love to know what’s going on thru his mind…
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 30, 2017 at 12:41 pm

maybe that’s just his ego because he didn’t expect you to say that you’re not ready to talk about your situation..
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 29, 2017 at 9:29 pm

you should move on.. if he really wants to commit, he has to prove it and do most of the work.

Gianne B. Joseph

April 11, 2017 at 7:59 am

Hello Amor,Me and my boyfriend broke up in December 2016.His reason,is that he want me to find someone better to make me smile/happy.Because we had an arguments that began in September 2016(I’m not gonna give the whole story,its quite long,but I can give you the full details/story if you wanted to 🙂 )But I know that he broke up with me because he’s been hurt (because of me) just like I did.And yeah since we broke up,I did those begging and pleading saying that I’m gonna change which is wrong.Putting efforts to my messages to him like LSM.And mostly he’s been hot and cold towards me.There are times he’s showing his care to me,sometimes he’s pushing me away..And yeah,it continue,everyday.And then in 1st of January 2017,he even ask me that would I liked to go to his house to have some lunch with his family and of course I say yes.Then he treated me just like before and he says that we will still count our “monthsary”.So in short,he’s very hot and cold towards me and we still talk to each other but not the same as before.April 05,2017(that was the date for our 1st anniversary although we broke up of what I mentioned earlier)yet he still even make a LSM to me,saying that he will come back for me and he even cheered for me during my recognition day.I’m having a hard time whether should I make effort to him by contacting him(even though he’s hot and cold to me and he even say I love you to me and even calling me by my callsign)or do the No contact rule 🙁 I’m just afraid that what If I start the NC then he began contacting me saying I miss you then sooner no message anymore.Or what if he thinks that I’m moving on(which is actually not)then because he thought I did,he also began to move on.Then If I finished the NC in 30 days,then I began to have contact to him,what if he says that he have already moved on,or he says that I must stop because he had no more feelings about me?These are the questions that making my mind confused.And when I read this article today,it makes me hope(Thank you by the way).Here’s the thing Amor,of course after our breakup,I began to begged,cried many times,being depressed,continues to make contact to him,putting efforts,thinking that it will help me to get him back.And yes,he just ‘seen’ my messages,pushing me away…(Hot and cold)There are times too that he’s treating me like before when I was his gf.I know that his been cold towards me because of our past breakup as I mentioned earlier.It always continues until now 🙁 hot and cold thing.I wanted to start the NC today but I guess I’m late to started it because today where kinda okay about (75% if I’m gonna rate it)we talk kinda sweet(by callsign,saying I love yous)If only I started the NC after our breakup…What should I do?I don’t know when is the right time to started it :((( again….It’s so deppressing and I’m having a hard time…and its so confusing…How I’m gonna supposed to start the NC rule?

Gianne B. Joseph

April 20, 2017 at 2:14 am

Can I still have the chances to do the NC? We broke up in December 🙁 yet we still talk uptil now but he gives me the hot and cold treatment.He always give me the cold whenever he remembers the sad memories like his broken family,our breakup,our fight,or whenever I’m feeling blue.If I use the NC,is it effective on him?I’m having the hard time,Amor. 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 25, 2017 at 3:27 pm

You’re already friendzoned..the only thing that can really help increase your chances is nc..and the only one that can help is yourself.. It would be better if he thinks you don’t want him..because that means you’re not chasing anymore
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 12, 2017 at 11:22 am

check this one first:
EBR 021- How To Make Him Re-Commit To You

Marion

April 6, 2017 at 5:35 am

Hi Amor,
My ex broke up with me 2 1/2 months ago. Unfortunately during this time I have been doing everything wrong! I have cried, written long emails, tried numerous times to get him to give us another chance… We have remained friendly, and text every couple days or so. Right after the breakup, he seemed to really miss me and seemed somewhat conflicted when I discussed rectifying things. However, now after 2 months have gone by, he seems much more solid and resolute about the breakup, and seems to have adapted to not having me in his life.

Armed with the knowledge from this website, I realize it’s now time to change course and go about things the right way!
In this article you mention that if you have been acting as friends after the breakup, that you should indicate you want some time to yourself before starting NC, rather than just vanish. He helped me with my apartment move a few days ago, and we had discussed meeting up for a friendly drink in the coming days . I want to start NC and was hoping to get your advice on what to say when he reaches out in the next few days about coordinating to get together?

I realize if I had started NC right after the breakup I wouldn’t have had to explain anything, but now to simply ignore him (especially as he helped me last week), doesn’t seem right. Since I had a crying emotional last encounter with him (after he helped me move), I’d prefer to regain some self respect and not say something like “I realize I can’t be your friend right now”… Any advice for what I can say that will convey I want space and impart a good impression on him for these next 30 days…? thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 7, 2017 at 7:08 pm

tell him thank you for helping the other day but I realized it’s not the best time to be friends again.. I hope you understand. Have a great week!

Sue

April 5, 2017 at 5:09 pm

Me and my boyfriend of 6 months broke up three days ago because he said he was not ready for a serious relationship. We talked about what I needed from the relationship regarding being a priority in his life and that if he could not make me a priority then I need to move on with my life (this was so difficult to do by the way). This was Saturday. He said he wasn’t sure what he wanted and needed to think about it. So Sunday night I had not heard from him. I didn’t want to rush him but for my own well being needed to know what he was thinking. I called him twice with no answer (he was supposed to be free during the times I called but I don’t know since I didn’t talk to him). So I text him and asked what he was thinking. He finally text back that it’s not fair for me to know he’s not ready for a serious relationship and that we are both young (I’m 37 and he’s 41 – we are both divorced) and that he did not think I should not have a hard time finding someone who would make me a priority. Obviously, I was heartbroken. I replied to his text with – thanks for letting me know. I have not contacted him at all since then and he has not contacted me. I have no intention of contacting him until I feel better or ever. At this point I do want him back, and I am hoping he contacts me during the no contact period. My question is what am I supposed to do if he does not contact me?

About us briefly – we got along really well and had fun together. We really seemed to enjoy each other’s company. I also got along great with his kids. His life was very busy with his kids (has joint custody) and he worked a lot in addition to his full-time job. I do not have kids and do not work outside my regular full-time job so it was understandably harder for him to spend quality time with just me; I spent a lot of time with him and his kids. When he didn’t have them he was almost always working. I supported his desire to work extra, however, I found out he had lied or omitted telling me a few times that he actually was not working/had not worked and he went out with his friends. I did not mind if he hung out with his friends, yet he felt he needed to lie/omit it from me on more than one occasion. There were other instances where he did not respect my time and was only available when it was convienent for him. This was our only issue (but is a big issue in my opinion). He would also sometimes push me away, which he would attribute to getting freaked out about him having feelings for me (I have a feeling this may also have been a less than honest excuse). It was definately a I give more, way more than him kind of relationship. I really treated him good, which perhaps is partially why I’m so hurt.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 7, 2017 at 1:32 pm

It’s ok if he doesn’t contact you during nc. You can initiate after nc.. What’s more important is that you improve yourself and that you’re active in posting

Kate

April 5, 2017 at 8:51 am

Honestly, the only one person you can truely depend on is yourself, if you dont give up whatever other people say to you, it wont help you. you should really dont give it hope to him about you two peolple be together agian. what I have learnt isi dont give it hope, the more you give the more you will get upset and you cant recovered. I spent three tough months and I talked to friends, I left comments here……people kept telling me, it is the past you should move on, but I didnt listen to them, i thought we can still be together. but since I told him I d really give up on us, then I did really do I tried to meet old friends, new guys and talk to new people, and just three weeks I had changed a lot (the attitude toward us) and now I can relax, I am not going to push him anymopre, but still I will feel a bit hurt when I see his new pics….
Aj

April 5, 2017 at 1:52 am

My ex and I recently broke up because of his major anxiety and depression. We agreed to stay in contact if he ever felt sad and needed someone to talk to. I tried NC, but keep receiving messages throughout the night. Should I still implement NC when I agreed to still be there for him?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2017 at 5:29 pm

Hi Aj,

you’ll become his emotional crutch if you do.. He has to get professional help.

Fibi

April 2, 2017 at 7:25 pm

Hi Amor,

My boyfriend of 1.5 yrs just broke up with me a week ago he said he wants to be alone and that he can’t do this anymore and missed single life. We were very close and happy throughout our relationship never fought or anything. For the past few months I may have put too much pressure for him to better himself in terms of his career and mentioned a bit more about getting married and saving for a house. I was completely blind sighted and never saw this coming. I called him a few hours after the breakup and acknowledged my possible wrongdoings and apologized for it, asked him to work the relationship out but he insisted that he wants to be alone. It’s been 7 days I know i must need to respect his alone time I will give it to 30 days however we’ve made plans on trips and all the financial issues I have to sort out with him should I wait till after the NC period is over? My other question is wouldn’t posting on social media just impose a negative impression of me. Should i just be out of sight and out of mind and completely not post on social media? Our break up was very peaceful as i was completely shocked but I’m trying to respect his space. He treats me like a princess and I really want to make this right. Please let me know how I should approach this. Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2017 at 4:54 pm

Hi Fibi,

why would posting impose a negative impression of you? and doing nc means being active in improving and healing yourself..

Jane

April 2, 2017 at 3:36 am

Hi,

So I’ve recently just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years and it was a pretty bad one. First he said he never wants to see me again, but towards the end of the night he said he’s not sure how he feels about us anymore, just give it some time and see what happens. He was still really angry.

Anyway, it’s been a few days now and there’s been no contact between us. Our anniversary (or what was supposed to be our anniversary anyway) would be coming up soon – on the 21st of April. Do you think it would be wise to contact him on that day or should I wait longer?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2017 at 12:53 pm

HI Jane,
Nope, that’s a very good day to establish that you’re not chasing by sticking to no contact rule and focusing in improving yourself instead during and after nc..

Rose

March 31, 2017 at 2:56 am

I am ok with no contact. I tried to keep in text/email contact after we broke up (we were FWBs and he started seeing another girl. He told me about it before it became intimate, supposedly) as I was the one who ended things. He seemed angry when I did and that really confused me (if he knew I insisted on exclusivity, and he pursued another woman even though he knew that, didn’t he kind of decide that he didn’t want me enough to stick to the ‘rules?). Anyway I’ve had quite a bit of confusing behaviour from him like ignoring emails for a couple of days and then texting me at 2 in the morning and linking me to a romantic song, then telling me it was dedicated to his new woman! Another time after that he emailed saying he needed advice about a problem and trusted me, and could we chat sometime. I replied yes, and followed up with a text that day and an email a couple of days later when I got no response. It’s been two weeks and he still hasn’t replied. I’d take that as the virtual ‘eff you’ I think it was intended to be except for the fact we live within ten minutes of each other and he walks past my flat to/from his work every day. Surely a guy who is trying to cut you out of his life wouldn’t do that? There are alternative routes that are very slightly longer but he could easily take to avoid my street. My flat is along a narrow alleyway. If we are both there at the same time there would be no way to avoid each other. I’ve been avoiding going out at times I know he is likely to be about because I am doing NC after he ignored my offer of help after he asked for it via emaila couple of weeks back. We have still seen each other a couple of times though. I went to a coffee shop last weekend and he was there with friends. I didn’t realise until he spoke to get my attention. He said hi, and I responded politely, finished my coffee and left within minutes. What do I do in this scenario? Is this still considered NC if I am being polite but distant? Should I be using these opportunities to be an UG? Should I REALLY be hiding in my house trying to avoid him when he isn’t trying to avoid me (or at worst, doesn’t care if he bumps into me or not)? Am I right to do NC considering I was the one who said I couldn’t continue to see him if he was dating someone else, but he went ahead and dated her anyway? I feel he ‘dumped’ me, in effect. I sent him a long, straight talking email after the drunken 2am text session that ended in an argument and told him that I know he likes me, I saw through his behaviour, but my feelings about exclusivity hadn’t changed. I said I would consider a relationship in the future if we stayed friendly and were both single. I told him we could have a frank chat if he wanted but if he wasn;t up for that, no hard feelings, and that I was moving on, with or without him.2 days later I got the email asking for help, and I told you what happened after that. I am soooo confused.

Rose

April 2, 2017 at 9:06 pm

Thanks for the clarification. The thing is, he walks past the only entrance to my home twice a day. It’s easy to avoid him in the mornings but I am actually hiding in my flat mid afternoons in case I bump into him. Isn’t that too much power to give someone who may never want to be friends or more with me again? Or should I assume (as I don’t really know) that he is passing in the hopes of bumping into me and avoid him for that reason? I mean, if he doesn’t get in touch, or I have to accept it’s over, then your site recommends an NC of over a year to get over him, lol. I can’t hide indoors for that long 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2017 at 11:01 am

You don’t have to hide.. actually if you’re always out, either with friends or some other places then that’s better because you’re improving yourself and not seeing him
Rose

March 31, 2017 at 10:25 pm

Hi – it was established it was casual but exclusive from the start. Just to clarify, I gave you some background with regards to the story just to put it into context. All I was really asking was is it still NC if you keep bumping in to the guy locally and if I do bump into him, what do I do to maintain NC? Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 2, 2017 at 2:51 pm

yes but,dont intiate conversations.. if he does reply politely short and direct..and you have to improve yourself.. if you can avoide being in the places he’s going, do so..
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 31, 2017 at 9:18 pm

Hi Rose,

when did you ask for exclusivity, during being friends with benefits or after he started seeing another woman? Because, being fwb, contradicts with wanting exclusivity.. If you’re not officially together, but you’re sleeping with each other, the guy will most likely not stick to you because he’s not committed to you

Ste

March 28, 2017 at 3:47 pm

Hi EBR team,
I’ve posted this, but unfortunately i cannot see it..

I met my bf on early June 2015, start the relationship on Sept 2015 and he broke up with me on Feb 4th 2017.
During the relationship, we did great time together, travelling together, support each other, and we have discussed about married this year.
Lately, we fought often at least big fight once a month. Last fought, he is very angry and said that i am not grateful with all he had done for me and angrily he said done with me.
After the break up, i am still begging and pleading, but he said he is leaving and we cannot together because he said i was too clingy and insecure. Few days later, he said that he promise will see me once i recover from my sick (i am hospitalized because of typhoid), but sadly he’s not.

We still in contact (text and phone call) 2 weeks after the break up, then i ask a meeting with him to say goodbye then continue with our own lives, but no answer from him. From that time (its Feb 15th), we didnt contact anymore. He untag every pics of us on fb and instagram. We still friends on fb (but i unfollowed him so i wont see his update post), recently he unfollowed me on instagram (i think because i post many pics on it) but i keep follow him.

Then i found similiar website with EBR and suggested to do NC but sent a clean state email first because of so much begging and pleading after breakup.
I sent him last text message on March 6th, i said that i thank for the great times we have spent together, i learn a lot from our relationship and moving on, hope we still can be friends and hope all is going well with him. He just reply it with smile emoticon.

After that, i apply NC and keep posting on sosial media to show that i am improving our life, having time with friends and family, keep cooking as my hobby, travelling to some places. I am improving our personality, i read many articles, i do workout, more focus on my work, grow up my spiritual.
Now i am at day 22, and he’s not contact me directly at all.

We are at same hiking whatsapp group (consist of 8 persons only, including me and him) which we spent great times hiking before at August 2016, and he ask to hiking again with our group (he text on March 12th).

He is a stubborn guy, and his man’s pride is very high. But i know, he has a kind heart deep inside.

Yesterday i saw his pics on my friends fb and instagram. He is travelling with his sister (my bestfriend) and his sister’s friends (my friends also).
It makes me miss him so much.

Should i apply 21 or 30 days NC? Can i text him now?
I am affraid of 66 days break his habbit, and he’ll moving to other girl.
Will he move on now and try to forget me?

Honestly, there is ups and downs during NC. Sometimes i feel strong, but sometimes i miss him so much!
I really want him back and doing great things together in the future 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 29, 2017 at 11:33 am

Nope, don’t social media stalk him. Focus in improving yourself during and after nc and be active in posting. After nc, slowly build rapport. Check this one:
Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule

Katelyn

March 22, 2017 at 6:28 am

We broke up in good terms. He said he doesn’t want to fix things because he is afraid we’ll hurt each other more so we should just save the friendship. I agreed but later realized that I couldn’t. I told him clearly that we should stop communicating because I can’t be friends with him. He agreed, so I started NC. Until after 5 days, he was asking me out for dinner. I didn’t show up because I don’t want to get hurt. But I don’t want to be rude so I replied telling him that we should not see each other since we already talked about it. He didn’t respond. I feel bad that I broke The NC. What should I do? Should I start counting from day 1 again?

Katelyn

April 15, 2017 at 12:14 pm

I miss him so I sent him a message jokingly saying that he seemed a snobish. No reply. 🙁 i think my nc has come to nothing.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 16, 2017 at 11:38 am

You need to work on your topics.. you have to initiate good topics and end the conversations at high point so that you can build rapport..
Katelyn

April 15, 2017 at 5:45 am

Hi. I am kinda sad Amor. It has been 2 weeks after i initiated contac5. He’s been updating me ever since, and i replied casually and happily. The last time he texted me he is going to a company outing, then after that he just disappeared. I follow him up about how the outing went and talked about one of the funny moments with his workmate, but he never replied. It has been 2 days since he updated me and I feel he is ignoring me on purpose since he is online. I don’t know what to do next. 🙁
Katelyn

April 10, 2017 at 11:00 pm

Thank you Amor for actively responding on my questions! 🙂 I am sorry, I need more patience to build rapport. He is now texting me first even if I don’t initiate contact. Updating me on his life and I just replied casually and jolly on his messages. I will try to initiate a fun topic after 3 days. But it is okay to reply when he is the one who initiates contact right?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 11, 2017 at 10:05 pm

you’re welcome! yes, it’s ok..just be the one to end at high point
Katelyn

April 9, 2017 at 6:35 am

Hi Amor! I don’t know if my comment posted on the other article because there is some error message occuring with the captcha. But i just finished NC with my ex bf. I just cut it short on 21 days since we were on a mutual break up and plus he keeps sending messages during nc, which I do not response to. So at the first time he heard from me he seems happy. The ratio of our text messages is 3:1 on our first encounter. He is asking me how i am, where i am after I send him a memory text. Then I cut off the conversation early just what Chris said. After doing that on the 1st day, he suddenly seemed cold on the next day. I tried to engage him into fun conversation on the next days but he just responds casually. I can’t build a rapport cause it feels like he is not interested with text and he is replying shortly. Now he is not texting me again first unlike on the first day when he seemed excited to talk to me but I finished our conversation. I am not texting him either now. What should i do? Can you guide me with this?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2017 at 7:05 pm

it’s just the first week.. even if you had a good reply for two, there’s no rapport built in that time frame yet.. so, for now, just rest for 3-5 days from initiating and keep improving yourself.
Katelyn

April 5, 2017 at 2:58 am

Thanks! I will do that! Anyways last April fool’s day he left me an email saying he was hospitalized. But I didn’t replied because I know that was an April fool’s prank. Is it his way of testing if I still care about him?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2017 at 5:35 pm

yes, can be..
Katelyn

April 3, 2017 at 2:43 pm

Hi Amor. It’s been 18 days since NC. I randomly received messages from him asking how I am, good night messages, but I stricly stick to NC. The problem is i don’t think I am becoming better. I am losing weight and growing eyebags. I want to travel but i don’t have time due to busy schedule at work. But i am not sad, it is just that I am a little bit of an introvert and I enjoyed staying home. Should i extend my period of NC to 45 or stick to 30 days? Is 45 days too much since we break up on good terms?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2017 at 3:12 pm

why not try to join a group with same interests? like books, journaling, calligraphy, scrapbooking, writing. etc. At least that way, when they meet up, there are probably introverts like you who will understand.
Katelyn

March 26, 2017 at 3:01 pm

Okay thank you Amor! I will update you here after 30days.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 26, 2017 at 6:17 pm

you’re welcome!
Katelyn

March 25, 2017 at 3:56 pm

Anyway we live miles apart sort of ldr. When we were in a relationship, he used to come home once a month to spend time with me. So i never had the chance to see him and he doesn’t have accounts on social media like fb or instagram.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 26, 2017 at 2:04 pm

do at least 30 days and continue to post so he has something to see when he gets curious
Katelyn

March 25, 2017 at 3:54 pm

It’s been a week after that and i haven’t heard anything from him anymore. Should I do 21 days or 30?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 25, 2017 at 1:51 pm

Hi Katelyn,

for me, you can just continue the count after that

Suitte

March 22, 2017 at 5:40 am

Hi Amor,
My ex and I just broke up on Saturday last week after having an amazing relationship for 10 months. We have been through a lot and he never gave up on me. Even when I asked us to break up once or twice during our relationship, he told me to not give up on us and that he loved me. He was very committed to me and so was I. And I think the thing that I did wrong was that, I was angry at him on Saturday and threatened to break up (which I shouldn’t have done). I was expecting him to hold me back and talk through it like before, but he said he’s tired of it and he lost hope. He said he doesn’t feel the love anymore because I damaged it.
I was begging him for a second chance which was a mistake as i looked pretty desperate which just pushed him further away.

We were planning on having our last dinner to say goodbye tonight (4 days after break up). He was going to give me one last gift and i was going to give him a letter thanking him for the good memories and remind him about them.
(Hoping that he would remember our good memories.)
But he cancelled the dinner last minute because there was a big delivery at his work today and he owns the shop so he had to be there. He asked if we could meet tomorrow instead, but I’m going to australia for 5 days and I’m leaving tomorrow.

I was planning on leaving him a good last impression of me on our last date and be the positive and funny girl he fell in love with so he could rethink his decision. After that I would start the no contact period. Hopefully it will make him miss me, however, now that things aren’t going according to plan I don’t know what to do.

Should I text him and reschedule the dinner 5 days later when i get back from australia and then start no contact after the dinner or just start no contact from today?

Because I’m worried that if I don’t contact him for 5 days and then have our date, he will get used to not having me contact him anymore. Does that mean the no contact rule won’t work anymore if we have our last date? Because i feel like it would mean we are slowly drifting apart instead of a sudden no contact.

Also, if I start the no contact rule today, we won’t be able to end our relationship on good terms.

Which option should i take?
Reschedule our last dinner and have a good last impression and then NC or NC starting today and have no last dinner at all?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 25, 2017 at 1:49 pm

Hi Suitte,

how are you now?

Naomi

March 16, 2017 at 2:20 am

what the web really suggest you to do is NC! but it doesnt suit all the situation and the people, NC also can ruin you if you want your own relastionship back again, what they will tell you is to improve yourself and nothing more, they wont suggest you any really useful methods!

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2017 at 5:22 pm

Yup, you’re right, nc is not a cure for all and yes, no matter what the situation or the cause of the break up is, you have to improve yourself..So,that whether you get him back or not, you still have your better self.. You will not be ruined if you improve yourself, it can only make you defeated if you only did it for him and not for you..therefore the change is not genuine because it’s not out of love for yourself..but just out of getting a guy back..

Tanja

March 11, 2017 at 7:17 pm

I’ve been broken up with my ex since July last year. But we’ve been on & off since then. I cheated & evetytine we try to work it out we get into a fight. I have not done the NC rule on him & im wondering right now we are off not seeing each other but some texts here & there. I know he’s been out with other girls & my question is should I start the NC now do I let him know I need space or just start it? Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 14, 2017 at 5:41 pm

Hi Tanja,

Nope don’t tell him, just start it..

Haley

March 9, 2017 at 6:53 pm

I don’t know if I have any chance of getting my ex back. We dated for almost 3 years, we met freshman year of college and will both be graduating in a month. We had an amazing relationship, almost never argued and definitely never had any big “blow out” arguments. One day I came home from work and he said he thought he didnt love me anymore, he had still been doing cute things for me to make me happy up until this day so I was extremely confused. The next day he said he wanted to try and make things work, we did this for the next week and everything was fine. Then we both left for thanksgiving break, over break I felt him drift from me. He began smoking and drinking constantly ( something he never did) he also began to snapchat some girl. He told me about everything after break. He said snap chatting this girl was a mistake and he had zero interest in her and didnt find her attractive he just liked getting attention. He also stated that he enjoyed being single, even though when we left for break we were trying to make it work. We went back and forth for about a month. I honestly thought he was bipolar with how back and forth he was. In the beginning of January he officially ended things, however we were living together. One day he would try to get in bed with me and the next he would be screaming at me that he hated me and I was the worst thing to ever happen to him. He moved out on Feb 7th after a horrible fight, he pushed me and screamed that I was the worst thing to ever happen to him, he never wanted to see or hear from me again and he hated me. He reached out about a week later saying he wanted to give me a proper goodbye, I simply asked for some time. About a week later when I told him I would like to say bye, he stated that he was the happiest he has ever been, him being miserable was completely my fault and he did nothing wrong, that he never wanted to hear from me again. Also a side note, the day he moved out he began recommunicating with the girl he had been snap chatting, I know that they are now romantically involved but I don think anything is official, is she a rebound? I started no contact on Feb 22nd. I guess my questions is do I even have a chance after being a gnat and him having someone new in the picture? The last time we talked he told me he didnt want to hear from me, but he also said our relationship and I were amazing, he is so confusing!

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 12, 2017 at 10:42 am

for me you should do 45 days. Doing 21 nor 30 will not stop him from getting closer to the girl but you can put up a good fight by improving yourself because he will unconsciously compare you two, and he will remember the recent memories, so change that through you improvement and by indirectly showing it through your posts.

Naomi

March 8, 2017 at 1:22 pm

How about if my ex boyfriend is passive, the reason he broke up with me is because he can’t committe his time and attention on me. Actually it is the truth, we have totally different schedule, we I have weekends off, he will have two whole days work, and the most busiest days of a week, everytime when I posted the pics I had fun he was upset because he literally can’t do that with me, also on week days he goes to work late but I do it early, I finish work early but he finishes his work late, he is always tired after work. I asked him before can you not working on weekends, he said he can’t… it is his job. So we don’t meet each regularly at all. One day he broke up with me because of those reasons, I did 30 days NC, I post things on social media and to show him Im happy in life. BUT it makes him feeling worse, he thinks Ian happier without him, like he said he can’t make me happy anymore, I deserve better things…… so we were just together 2 months and a bit more we have broken up longer than that now…… the more I posted good things the more he will think he can’t make me happy

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2017 at 2:56 pm

Hi Naomi,

because the real problem is time,he has to be willing to compromise with you, if not, to be honest, a relationship wont really work out

Kate

March 5, 2017 at 7:30 am

Last night I was going to check his profile, but it was very and really accidental hi tap the video call button lol I cancel it immediately I wasn’t expect him to respond me at all ! Because I was not going to talk with him at all! But he sent me a msg and asked : why do you send me a video call That made me angry and uncomfortable (But we have never had video calls when we were together ! ) Is it because I’m still sensitive with him or from what he asked It hide his attitude like why the hell you send me a video call !
Paula

March 4, 2017 at 10:08 am

Hey Amor,
I had been dating this guy for three months (October-January) and I was very in love with him but we didn’t make it official since it had only been a short period of time. We already saw each other as FWB 2 years ago and back then he told me he wanted a relationship but I had to move abroad and we didn’t manage to stay in contact. Now I was so happy to have him back and things seemed fine. However in December he started to show some signs of depression (not talking to me for days, emotionally distant). After he hadn’t spoken to me in 5 days I visited his house and found him in a very apathetic state. We talked a few days later and he seemed to be better. The last time we saw each other was the night of the 29 December. He stayed at my apartment until the afternoon and then left. I fell sick after New Years for a week so we only had contact through messaging that week. Then when I got better I called him to ask to meet me. He didn’t answer. Instead he wrote me that he was busy so I sent him a really long message stating that I felt that he was distancing himself from me and that it scared me. He answered that he wasn’t trying to hurt me but that he really was busy and apologized so I brushed it aside. We messaged once after that, then I asked him if he had time to talk to me on the phone two days later to which he never responded. The following day I sent him another long message in the evening, stating that I didn’t feel his absence was stress related but rather that he wanted to stop seeing me and I was very explicit in how sad that made me, because I really liked him. He ended up messaging me the next day saying that he felt like it wouldn’t work out between us because “it was too much talking” but that we could meet to talk if I really wanted to (hahah!!). I told him that I didn’t want to force him and if he didn’t want to and that we could wait a little while until he felt ready to. He never responded to that for a week so I sent him a letter apologizing for being clingy and demanding but also stating that his behavior hat hurt my feelings. I really put everything into that letter and told him that he meant a lot to me and that I would be very sad if things just ended like this. I never heard from him for 5 days so I messaged him again, asking if he got my letter and we had light contact for a few days, asking how we were and things like that. When he finally got my letter, he read it and said that he didn’t feel like I needed to apologize but also that he needed space. I send him two other long messages saying that I understood his wish for space and that I would wait for him but that I wouldn’t wait for him forever and that I really needed him to reach out to me, whatever conclusion he might come to. He never responded. I tried to go into NC that time but only lasted 12 days until bombarding him with messages as to what this “space” was actually supposed to mean on the 7 of February. I asked him if he just said that to end things without the confrontation. He finally responded to my messages (by the way they were never accusing or angry, just sad and emotional) saying that he thought it was clear that we wouldn’t work out. I send him a ton of messaged then saying that I thought this was very disrespectful and hurtful and that I would have understood if he didn’t want to continue seeing me for whatever reason but that his choice to end things like that was unacceptable. He never responded to my messages so I went into NC again for roughly 2,5 weeks but ended up messaging him again and telling him that I needed some kind of closure from him and that I also was very worried about his mental state (since he had been depressed prior and wouldn’t admit to it). Finally I send him a few last messages on the 21 explaining that I had really been hurt by what he did and that I still didn’t understand why he treated me like that out of the blue. Apparently this made him feel bad enough because the next morning I woke up to a long “apology” message, stating that he was unable to form lasting bonds with people and that he felt unbelievably bad for hurting me this much, which apparently was the reason why he never answered my messages. He continued to state that he knew what a coward he was and that he thought he was an ass and messed up and broken person. He said he had somehow felt smothered by my affection and that he could see how much I cared for him, but that he had failed to develop the same kind of bond. He continued to say that he hoped I would find someone that could value me more than he could. At the time I was so happy to hear from him that I didn’t realize that I should have stopped to respond and that point. I didn’t think his message was a goodbye message but obviously it was because I messaged him in the morning before leaving for the hospital for 4 days. I told him thank you for the message and that I really didn’t think he was a broken person but that I really valued him and that I wanted to be with him, even if he felt like he wasn’t worth it. When I got back from the hospital, he hadn’t replied and he hasn’t until now. I sent him a few more long messages last weekend, explaining that he really did mean a lot to me and that I knew that my messages where not getting us anywhere but that I wanted to prove to him nonetheless what he meant to me and that he was worth the effort to me (even though I know I’ve already made it clear and that he obviously doesn’t seem to care that much) and also, saying that I of course did not need him to survive or anything like that but that I wanted him to be part of my life because he made me happy prior to the “break up”. Of course he never responded to any of my messages and now I have been in NC again since the first of March after sending him a final message asking if he wanted to meet up and expressing my intentions of contacting him again in 2 to 3 months to see if we might work better as friends after some time to heal (I had expressed in one of my earlier messages that I cared for him as a friend too and that I didn’t need us to be together if he didn’t have the same feelings). He hasn’t reached out to me since and I sadly deleted him on Snapchat where he used to view my stories in the time of NC. I also deleted him off my Facebook and actually deactivated the account because it annoyed me so much. However I made an Instagram account which he probably looks at. I really don’t know what to do now because I want him back so much but I also have too much respect for myself to continue chasing after a guy that obviously does not want me in his company. I honestly don’t think that he will reach out to me after NC and I’m not sure that he would respond positively if I ever did. I think I really am in love with him and I desperately want to heal, but it’s very hard without closure. I’m planning on going NC again for at least a month this time and see if I will feel any better after wards. I also drafted and e-mail that I want to send him after the NC and maybe even after I will have tried to initiate contact again. I personally think that the reason he ended things was because he got scared of my feelings for him and the fact that I wanted to see him more and more. I think I was moving to quickly for him (he always told me he wanted a relationship but I guess he was either lying to me or himself, or he wanted to move much slower than I did). I really want him to want to try again, but I want us to start being friends first instead and then see where we go from there but since he didn’t even menage to respond to my last text asking for exactly that, I don’t really think that he can see us going there.

I realize that he is most likely just not into me and was too much of a coward to say so and that felt guilty for hurting my feelings, but I actually do care about this guy and his wellbeing a lot and I feel stupid for it because I feel like I deserve much better than someone who is this emotionally unavailable. But when I think back to the time before his depression episode, everything was amazing and he was affectionate and caring. Remembering that really messes with my head. Because now I want him back because I still feel like he is worth the wait, but I also feel like I should find someone else.
I’m sorry – my message became much longer than I intended it to be.
Maybe you have some insight as to what I could do now? Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 4, 2017 at 7:03 pm

Hi Paula,

Finish at least 30 days of nc. That way you can give him space while you give yourself time to think and to start a new routine of improving yourself. If you decide to build rapport after nc, do it slowly while improving yourself.

Kate

March 3, 2017 at 3:10 am

it is the first time i cant move on after 3 months broke up, I hate this! but im confused why when i was with him i felt a bit bored and was not very motivateed to meet him but after broke up I only can think how good he treated me, and I feel sorry and regret a lot thast why im hard to move on i want to make it up , i have so many things want to do with him but when i was wuth him I was always planning to do things with him but never really done, i dont understand it ……..

Kate

March 6, 2017 at 6:42 am

so most of time when I was with him even by texting i felt a bit bored and not much interaction with him, im not sure did I really like him or just becasue I have lost him and it is the first time Iwas dumped by a man….so I feel bad if we are not together again….it is about my self-esteem I guess.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 7, 2017 at 5:17 am

just take your time.. nobody’s rushing you to be in a relationship again..
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 3, 2017 at 8:24 pm

Hi Kate,

that’s common. It means you’re just missing him. It’s like when you’re in vacation you want to go back to school and then when you’re in school, you want vacation. It’s wanting something you don’t want.

Kate

March 2, 2017 at 7:39 am

yea I cant see any hope from him, may i still ask why you suggest me to do 45 days NC not 30 days

also now I think I still want to be friends with him after a month ago , but who knows if I still want it after one month lol

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 2, 2017 at 11:57 pm

for a chance of restart, and for you to have more time to reflect.

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