The Worst Nightmares During No Contact And How To Handle Them

476 thoughts on “Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule”

Jillian

December 9, 2016 at 5:31 pm

My boyfriend and best friend of four years recently asked me to visit my home country for a couple of weeks(Canada) and leave behind the house we had together and my pet etc. as we had been fighting and I had a few meltdowns (that he LARGELY contributed to.) I thought a visit home might be a good thing for me, and as always absence makes the heart grow fonder, so I took him at face value and happily packed up.

After him driving home with me and then returning to our house, after a couple weeks of everything being normal he lost his career and later that afternoon told me he couldn’t be with me or talk to me during that stressful of a time. He told me we could no longer be romantic. I was crushed. He was suddenly very angry with me all the time. I begged and pleaded with him to change his mind, and sometimes he was kind and others he was downright cruel. Within a few days I found out he is now seeing a girl just leaving her teens (he is 33).

I am 14 days into No Contact, he has not contacted me but has contacted my friend to ask her which of my stuff I’d like shipped to me first. So to sum it up, hes angry at me, is seeing someone else and is not contacting me whatsoever. Yet I’m the fool who still wants him back. Is this a lost cause?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2016 at 8:54 pm

Hi Jillian,

Now is not the right time to try to get him back. Obviously, he’s still in some period.. You are in no contact for 14 days, but if it was not focused in yourself only, you have to restart the count. I think you should do a minimum of 30 days, extend to 45 days if you need to. But have space for yourself and him and improve yourself.

Allie

December 8, 2016 at 9:51 pm

I implemented the no contact rule three weeks ago and he recently started texting me. He would ask if I could talk, and I would ignore him. Then he wrote a really long message that was expressing how he missed me, then it turned into how I didn’t deserve this and that from here. I never responded. Then a few days later he kept calling and calling and messaging me and basically harassing me. So I finally answered the phone and told him to leave me alone. Then he called again after I hung up and I said please leave me alone and he said okay I will, just letting you know that I made sure they wouldn’t turn the power off. Have a good christmas, then I hung up again. He claims the reason he was calling was because of bills that were in his name from when we lived together. I’ve taken care of those and told him when I answered that they would be cancelled soon. Does this constitute starting over with NC? Or because I was vague and told him to leave me alone, just to continue with the NC as if that never happened. Let it be known that I’ve blocked him on my phone and he was calling as an unknown caller, he left two messages, then unblocked me on facebook to message me three more times, so I blocked him on that. And he kept calling. I just don’t want to give control back to him, but I know every has a different story, and although this isn’t every detail. I was curious if I should restart the NC? Or just continue where I left off? Thank you so much!

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2016 at 4:50 pm

Hi Aliie,

You don’t have to restart it. What’s more important now, is how much you’re healing and improving.

Vic

December 8, 2016 at 7:57 pm

Hey, my girlfriend of a year and a half broke up with me and left me for a guy she just met. I made the mistake of calling her a lot but I implemented the NC as soon as I read about it. We were having problems before because she said she was confused about what she wanted and that she felt I was suffocating her and she needed a break. I agreed that a break would be good but as mentioned she met that guy and left me the very next day. She told me she didn’t love me anymore just a little more than a friend and that I was annoying with how needy I was of her. She said she missed her best friend, which we were before we dated. I don’t know what to do, I have zero confidence that I will get her back because she is loving the freedom she has now and is talking and being with multiple guys. Like I made some mistakes to hurt her because she always made me feel manipulated but she also felt I was using her. This has been a really huge wake up call for me Help please

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2016 at 3:58 pm

HI Vic,

how long was the relationship? If you’re are in no contact now, then use it to improve yourself and to be less clingy and more independent and to become the alpha male.

Rose

December 3, 2016 at 3:51 am

Since I’m on day 10 of NC. He hasn’t contacted me. My back story is I’ve made probably every single mistake in the book when it comes to trying to get him back. We dated for a year and a half. I broke up with him late August and then a month after, while we still communicated, he began talking to someone else. By the end of Nov. They’re dating. The moment that happened I’ve blocked him on social media (except instagram) to focus on myself. Like I said I’m on day 10. I’m getting nervous. What do I do from here?

Rose

December 3, 2016 at 3:54 am

He also has told me he’s serious about her and only feels list towards me
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 3, 2016 at 3:47 pm

Hi Rose,

keep improving yourself.. And keep doing that even after nc.. You’re not doing nc for him to contact you.. You’re doing it for yourself.. If you really want a chance, he has to think you are moving on and not chasing him

Elle

November 30, 2016 at 3:35 am

Hi,

My ex and I were together for three years and it was mostly long distance (approx. 5 hours drive). In September he “broke up” with me but it was basically just a “break” and three weeks later we agreed to try to work things out. (There wasn’t really any NC). After a week of that he still wasn’t putting in much effort and told me he regretted saying that we could try to work things out, at least so soon. When he broke up with me he always said he still loved me just doesn’t feel in love with me and doesn’t think that we are compatible mainly because of the distance-that the distance took its toll and he’d been unhappy for too long. Much of this I was unaware of prior to the break up, I never thought he would actually end our relationship. For the next few weeks I did not implement no contact and he was often angry with me and refused to see me in person so we could talk. Then, at the beginning of November we were in a wedding together and the next day we met up (were together almost the whole day) and he told me he still loves me just isn’t in love with me, it’s just “easier” for him to be mean and try to push me away, and that he got emotional when he saw me at the wedding and had to look away from me. We decided to be friends then but I think I tried to dive into that too fast and he decided it was too soon for that but we could be friends in the future. Then I found out that even before the wedding he had been talking to another girl. He admitted that it is probably a rebound but they are still talking now. (Though it’s only been a bit over a month probably and I have heard that it is not serious). So, after finding your site (hopefully not too late) and learning a few things, I decided to start NC. I have been shooting for 30 days and today was officially day 8. I broke NC by complete accident, sending him a snapchat by mistake that he responded strangely to. However, he typically would open it and ignore it, this time he actually sent me a snapchat in response. I am not totally sure what this means or how bad it is that I broke no contact in this way. I am not entirely sure what my chances are or what I should exactly do moving forward. I know that he still cares about me, I know the feelings and memories after 3 years don’t just vanish, I’m hoping he has a case of GIGS and finds out that he misses what we had.

Elle

November 30, 2016 at 9:17 pm

Thank you so much! I didn’t think my comment posted and tried more than once so sorry if you see another comment! Happy to hear I didn’t break NC. Thanks again!
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 30, 2016 at 10:35 pm

You’re welcome! I didn’t see another one.. so, thank you for reposting!
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 30, 2016 at 8:07 pm

Hi Elle,

she’s probably a rebound, but he’s also in GIGs because he lost attraction with you. You didn’t break nc, because you didn’t have a conversation. Be active in improving yourself.. If he lost attraction with you, then he has to be interested in you again.

Hannah93

November 25, 2016 at 12:01 pm

Hi Amor,

I did comment on this post already but I don’t think it is appearing..

I am currently on day 7 of 30 day NC (I may even extend to 45 depending on how I am feeling) with a guy I dated for 2 months. Although we only dated for a short space of time the connection was something I have not had with another guy before, I know he felt it too, he would tell me regularly how happy he was. We were set up by a mutual friend who told me he was smitten and really liked me too. Should add I am late 20’s he is early 30’s.

I was told on date 3 about his ex, they were engaged but he said she wouldn’t have any impact on us, it didn’t bother me, and I told him so which he liked. Things were going really well for weeks, really well – I was so happy. I have been hurt a lot in the past, after a few dates I was honest with him in that I said I didn’t want to get hurt, he told me he wasn’t going anywhere, I was so content, there wasn’t a single thing I didn’t want more of from him. He said one of the things he really liked about me was that I was such a positive person and always so happy.

Things changed one weekend when I didn’t hear from him one night, whilst that wasn’t unusual (he is busy with work a lot but would message when he was on his way home or when at home) he didn’t reply until the next morning. I tried not to read to much into it, but there was a definite change in messages in the coming days. We met up again a few days later and I could just tell things weren’t great, he was different. I asked what was going on and he opened up and said things were very busy with work and getting very messy with the ex and he needed to sort it all out and try and get on top of it all, he couldn’t do that and try and start a new relationship. I said I didn’t want to walk away (I still don’t seeing as I am on here) he said he didn’t want me to walk away but can’t give me what I want right now.

We spoke a lot more that night but the outcome remained the same, our break up wasn’t bad, a little emotional (from me) I struggle to talk about how I am feeling when I received bad news so tend to shut down, but we parted on good terms. I asked what would happen to us, to which he responded saying he wasn’t sure, he needs to sort his head and go from there. 2 days later I sent a very long message basically saying how I felt, how I wanted to be there for him etc.. he responded saying to let it digest but what I suggested was carrying on as we were and he needed to get on top of things which unfortunately meant stopping things as he said that night.

Since then there have been the odd few messages back and forth every few days but I noticed he would take hours, if not a day or so, to reply. I had tickets to an event before we broke up and told him about them after we broke up, he said he wasn’t sure how comfortable he would be going as we were dating and now we aren’t, to be honest I was quite glad as emotionally I wasn’t ready to see him. It’s been 6 weeks and I still miss him just as much.

There have been the odd message recently such as “hey, how are you? how’s work etc..?” but then last week I went into melt down about a new career opportunity and needed someone sensible to talk to. I reached out to him and he responded almost immediately, a few messages were exchanged and I noticed how he responded quickly when we weren’t talking about “us”. It was after this that I decided NC, I need to get back to myself and be the positive person I was when he met me. I am getting there but it is a real struggle. We live in the same town so I am even going to the gym at times when he won’t be there to make sure I can really stick to NC and not see him. However that being said, I do want him to see me, he always responds differently in person than over text but I don’t want to organise a meet up, would rather we bumped into each other.

There have been a few occasions I thought he had moved on to someone else, I checked with our friend and this isn’t the case, said he just isn’t interested in women at the moment, however she thinks he isn’t coming back, just an impression she got from him.
I don’t know what to do now. I am continuing with NC, I would put money on it that I will not hear from him again by his own choice. To be honest I am not even sure if he will reply when I do message. I was thinking of messaging after Christmas just saying something like “hope you had a lovely Christmas and I hope 2017 is a happier year for you” Sending a message to “intrigue him” is tricky as that is something I would never message him.

Because we only dated for a short time I know he will forget me, there was a very strong connection between us and I have completely fallen for him but there aren’t years behind us. I always believed there would be one person that made you feel differently to everyone else. He is that person for me. I don’t know how to move forward. I would like the opportunity to start again, well not even start again but just to start. I know it’s going to take time, I am prepared for that but he doesn’t do social media at all so there isn’t a way to remind him of me. He is also quite a proud person so I don’t know if he would ever “go back” to someone he was once with.

What do you suggest?

Hannah93

November 28, 2016 at 9:16 am

Hi Amor,

I did originally think I was the rebound too but he broke up with his ex over a year ago and has been with other people before me. I don’t think he has been entirely honest with me but I am not in the position to ask as I am in NC.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 28, 2016 at 10:56 pm

If he didn’t move on from his ex, the other girls before you were rebound too
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 26, 2016 at 10:30 pm

Hi Hannah 93,

It looks like you’re the rebound..Check this one:
EBR 034: Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?

Hannah93

November 24, 2016 at 4:45 pm

Hi Amor,

I am 6 days in to NC with my ex, we broke up after 2 months of dating. I know it is quite a short time but we really connected in that time. We were introduced by a mutual friend and really hit it off. I was made aware on our 3rd date of his ex who is causing a lot of trouble for him of which he said would not have any impact on us (turned out this wasn’t the case). The whole time we dated it was great, no arguments or anything like that, literally perfect, well for me anyway. Talked about meeting each others families, planned things ahead but the connection was really strong. Our friend had told me he was smitten and he really liked me too. One day he replied to a message in the morning and then I didn’t hear from him the whole day, whilst this was not totally unusual, he would normally always check in to plan what we were doing. We eventually chatted but he wasn’t up for company that evening which I took to heart when I should have been understanding. We continued texting and things smoothed over but there was a definite shift in change, instead of 2 kisses there was only 1 etc.. we chatted for the next few days but things were tense. I went and saw him mid week and he basically said things were getting a little worse with the ex, work was exceptionally busy and he needed to get on top of it and needed to put us on hold whilst he did this. I said I didn’t want to walk away and would be here for him, at the time he said he didn’t want me to walk away. We spoke a lot more that night but the outcome didn’t change. After this I only text once the next day (it was a friendly message about a joke he had made), then on the following day I sent a stupidly long message (I struggle to talk about feelings in person without getting upset) basically saying I still didn’t want to walk away, just wanted to be there to support him etc.. I tried to ring him the next day and he didn’t pick up, I asked him not to ignore me which he said he had missed the call but needed to sort his head out before things went further which means unfortunately stopping things as he said the other day. Since then (that was about 3 weeks ago) there has been the odd “hey how are you, how’s work?” etc.. kind of message, they are about 5 days apart but he took a day or so to reply. It got to the point where I deleted his messages, I couldn’t keep reading through the messages that once made me feel so great when I was now feeling so rubbish. I text last week about an opportunity that I was very confused about, he replied almost instantly and there were texts back and forth instantly (I am assuming because it wasn’t about “us” he felt better about talking) after then I implemented the NC, its about a month since we broke up but I can’t help but feel maybe its a little too late for me to do this? He didn’t say no to anything to me for the future but my friend gets the feeling he isn’t coming back, I was told he just isn’t interested in women atm? I am doing ok with trying to be the best I can be, but still get upset (on my own time) when thinking about him not being with me. I even go to the gym at times when he won’t be there so I know I can really stick to the NC rule and don’t bump into him. I just feel if I message him in a few weeks, no matter how intriguing I make it (it’s hard as I think UK and US messages are very different in what we send) he will fob me off and not bother with it. I kind of want him to bump into me so I can remind him of me. He doesn’t do social media at all so other than my pic popping up when I do eventually message there isn’t a way for me to remind him I am living my life. I am sure he isn’t that bothered anyway as there is so much else going on with him.

I don’t know what the future holds but I don’t know if I stand a chance?

Thanks
Hannah

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 26, 2016 at 10:30 pm

Hi Hannah 93,

It looks like you’re the rebound..Check this one:
EBR 034: Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?

A

November 24, 2016 at 3:07 pm

Hi Amor,

I was so hopeless until I found your articles with chris. I found them very inspiring and empowering, and I would love to hear from you about your insights about my situation.

Recently, my ex broke up with me again. I am 23 and he is 21, and we have been dating for almost a year until this Sept, he broke up with me saying he couldn’t see a future in us since it was LDR. (He is in Cambridge and I am on the other side of the world) He will come back to my city 3-4 times a year, for a month each time. I was heart broken, but I did follow your advice and improve myself, work on the projects and got myself busy, and in Oct, we met up and he decided we should try again. I was too happy and probably… rushed into it, and 3 weeks ago, he went back to UK for study and I realized he went back to the same situation as Sept, he wasn’t investing time in me and made calling me as a chore, like something he didnt really want to do or even give me 1-2 lame texts only in a day.

After a week when he was back, I couldnt take it anymore, so I kind of confronted him about it, and he was frustrated and said he found that something is missing between us, and he just didnt love me like he used to be. He told me he would think things through and call me another time, I was frustrated too but in the end I said, take your time. He agreed, and it has been 17 days that we have last contacted.

Even though I kept my cool and kept my life going and busy during this ‘no contact period’ , he didnt contact me ever since… (compare to last time that we broke up.. he was a lot colder) Even though he has changed his status a couple times, showing his frustrations but the thing is… I am not even sure if they are about me… I am not sure what it meant and I am really tempted to talk to him and maybe… have a closure. I really want him back, so badly. I really love this person, and I do wish him all the best (even though maybe in the end, he won’t choose me after all)

Sorry for the long message but I do found myself going down the spiral. And despite everyone says it’s gonna get easier every day, I felt like week 2-3 is the hardest. Really hard for me. Therefore, I really wish that you can help me out here. How can I get out of this situation and hopefully, get back with my ex or simply, end my pain for now?

Thank you so much. I hope to hear from you soon.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 26, 2016 at 10:04 pm

Hi A,

Moving on is a process. The more you avoid the pain, the more it will hurt.. Feel it, acknowledge it and then go on in everyday life with the pain. When you got back together, did you stop your new routine that you started during the no contact period and just went back to it recently when he broke up with you again?

Karen

November 12, 2016 at 2:31 pm

Amor, this is one of the best and most insightful articles I have ever read. I don’t know how old you are but you look very young and to have this kind of insight and maturity about relationships at such a young age is staggering to me. I am 45 and feel like I’m STILL struggling to “play the game”. Your tips and advice were right on point and simply reading this has made me feel better than I have in WEEKS!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you, for sharing this with all of us women out there who are hurting and feeling desperate for help. This website is truly doing a service for many — please keep the articles coming!!!!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 1:34 am

Hi Karen!
Thank you so much! Most of it are outsider’s perspective, I’m sure you’re like that when giving advice to friends! 🙂 Experience from reading and answering comments and Chris and Jennifer trains us, (me and Leia, our customer service rep) Chris helped a lot. He actually proofreads the article and then adds or edits some of it. So, I’ll forward this to him too. Thank you again! This means a lot to us!

Alicia

November 9, 2016 at 8:04 am

Hi Amor, my ex and me were going fast and strong for the first couple of weeks and the time we had together was limited and short. But connection was great. When we started to get more physical and committed, he pulled back saying he does not want to have the emotional burden if we go deeper. He called it off and wants to remain as friends.
I did not contact him for first 5days and then texted him, he said he missed me too and was still thinking about his decision. But I can feel he wasn’t sure about the relationship still, hence I told him we shall remain as friends. after another week, I contacted him again n things went well for 1st day but he pulled back again to end it all.
2 weeks of NC and I texted him again as friends. His reply was very short and cold. After which, I did not contact him again. It has been less than 2 weeks since our last text. And he suddenly liked my FB post and has been active on FB (which he doesn’t normally do). Does that mean he just want to be friends? How long more should I continue the NC period since our relationship lasted only less than a month.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 12, 2016 at 2:38 pm

Hi Alicia,

Actually you’ve already done the most number of nc days for the time frame of your relationship, it’s just that it wasn’t done in one blow because you’re supposed to do 21 days. And the more you do no contact, the less it can help because it’s starting to look like pattern. You’re last best chance is to do a full 30 days and focus in improving and healing. If you didn’t start improving yourself, then restart the count after this.

Andrea L Washington

November 6, 2016 at 9:54 pm

My boyfriend and I broke up for a day after a nasty fight and a build up of arguments because of my insecurity and jealousy & he also says I dont treat him like a man. He says I’m aggressive and dominant. I’m always breaking up with him over nothing and he’s always running behind me trying to convince me that he isn’t and that he loves me. He hasn’t cheated on me, it’s just I have had a lot of bad luck In past relationships and the minute I get a “feeling”, I immediately think he’s cheating or about to. During our fight we said some of the ugliest thing to each other, we apologized a day later now he’s not the same. He told me that he still loves me and wants to be with me but until I start showing him respect as a man and stop accusing him and being unappreciative then he just going to be a mirror of my actions. He says If I say it’s over, then he says it’s over then. He say he’s not running behind me, kissing my a** no more. He says however I act with him, then he’s going to act the same exact way with me. Since this has happened, we barely text or talk all day like we used to. I don’t even know how to communicate with him, because I feel I have pushed him off. I don’t think he loves me anymore. We used to text all day long. Now we barely text or talk. He do still tell me he loves me and misses me. I just don’t feel comfortable showing him how much I love him and miss him anymore because I feel he’s going to just run out on me if he knows my true feelings. I used to be happy all the time knowing he loves me and misses me, now I don’t know how he feels anymore. I feel he doesn’t and that he isn’t interested in me no more and maybe interested in someone else. I wished I wouldn’t have taken his loving me, kissing my a** and treating me special for granite. I really miss all of that. Is there any hope to get my boyfriend to be how he used to be with me before our huge fight? Please help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 7, 2016 at 6:15 pm

Hi Andrea,

why not just try to be kind and happy even if he doesnt reciprocate it at first? Invite him to go out and then have fun

abc

November 6, 2016 at 1:00 am

hi amor, nice article!
just one question, i’m in 2weeks NC and he did texted me once just asking about how i’m doing so i ignored it. But then i’m just thinking, what if after 1 month NC he didnt contact me again? should i initiate to contact him first? wouldn’t it be awkward since i’ve been ignoring him all these time and suddenly come up? also what should i say for the first time? something like ‘sorry for ignoring you all these time?’

cheers!

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 7, 2016 at 10:22 am

Hi Abc,

yes, you can initiate contact.Check this one:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

Sierra

November 1, 2016 at 9:07 am

Hi, I left a comment on another article in this site, but there are a few things that comes to my mind again after I read this article. So 14 months together, 3 ugly months because we fought and things were just not right (both of us were pretty stubborn but we did try to save the relationship a couple times and it works). about three months ago, I was very confuse about everything so I began questioning whether I want to continue this or not, so long story short, he think that I already “changed” from what I used to be, and he keep saying “I want to be with the “old” you” but Idk why I messed up by saying if you can’t accept me for who I am then I think we both know what to do. But later after he broke up with me he came to me again asking for chance and I said I need to think more so he agreed and said okay it’s on you now, but I didn’t know that he “actually” think that this is already over when I want to tell him that we can start again and continue this.

So he think I’m agree to end the relationship when I know we both agree that I want to think first.

3 days later I contacted him begging like crazy but guess what he said. No. I clearly think its because he’s getting used to be without me or because in the past 3 months I admit I act quiet different compared to 4 months ago. But I was just very confuse about everything but my mistake, I didn’t tell him if I was confuse. And now he thinks that I am the one who end this.

Idk what to do right now because even it’s still like 4 days since i decided to begin the NC but I already have this urge to contact him again because he’s posting up a status on his account saying,” Walking Straight”. Idk what does it mean but Im pretty sure it’s to tell that “I already Moved on so don’t think I will get back to you again.” That thought really kills my hope but I know nothing about men’s mind so what do you think about this? Last night he liked a post saying “I trusted you , you lied to me” and “I’m a nice person so if I’m being an **shole you better ask yourself”.

Give me thoughts, maybe?

Sierra

November 4, 2016 at 5:00 am

How if I already blocked him? I already blocked him on Instagram but not anywhere else, but I unblocked him again, but he’s on private so none of us can check on each other life, but last time I posted something he liked my post ( I set my profile on public). I thought he’s checking up on me that time and feel pretty happy because he’s still looking for me (?)
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 6, 2016 at 1:05 am

If you’re not comfortable making your ig account public, you can post the same posts in Facebook too and then make that post public. That way even your non-friends can see it.
Sierra

November 2, 2016 at 11:18 am

I think he doesn’t know anything about the nc, I never mention it to him so big chances he doesn’t know anything about it. As far as I understand I need to cut all contacts with him (phone calls text messages, chats, emails ) But at one moment I also think about disappearing from him (?) meaning he can’t see my name appear anywhere (like liking timeline’s posts about quotes or such stuffs) because both of us was pretty active in social media like Line or anything. My sister also told him to block me if he has no feeling anymore to me but he didn’t do anything, it was me who blocked him on several social medias. But yeah, pretty much ignore him but we last texted each other 5 days ago (the day I beg for another final chance to him) the one when he ignored me, and if I didn’t text him first that time when I want to tell him that we can give this another shot, he wouldn’t text me. I guess that time it’s because he’s pretty angry and feel like he’s being “hung” since I need to think first and what I was trying to do is just to give both of us time to cool down but things just broke apart..
Anyway he’s pretty stubborn. Like he’s more stubborn than the most stubborn, so the idea of him not trying to reach out to me either during the nc or after the nc is quiet devastating.. idk if there are boys like this out there but this just confuse me.

Thank you for the reply anyway!
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 3, 2016 at 3:49 pm

you dont have to block him.. if you want, you can stop posting, that”s ok but it would be better to be active in posting again after a week…because that’s your way of showing you’re moving on
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 1, 2016 at 8:21 pm

HI Sierra,

I”m going copy paste my answer there here and to answer your question, don’t overthink about his posts.. Those are probably emotional posts..

Hi Sierra,

how does he know about nc? YOu two talked about it? What are you and his thoughts about it? What are your understandings about it? Is it that you have to ignore your ex after breaking up?

gladys

October 30, 2016 at 6:18 am

Hi I’m gladys from Indonesia,

I have been in relationship with this guy for almost 8months. The thing is we never officially declared it that we are in relationship, for about 7months we were in long distance relationship because I studied in UK and he works in Indonesia, and just about two months ago I’ve came back to Indonesia (mostly to see him) though I have to go back to UK for the graduation on this December.

Everything was fine and went smoothly, we met couple times and he did mention he is really serious and even talked about marry me. He also has introduced me to his aunt and brothers. However, suddenly he said he has enough and he felt he was not happy all these times , which breaks my heart so much.

I begged and said sorry many times. I asked him for another chances but he said no. He also knew that i have been in relationship for many times and he said I will find no trouble to find a new one soon. Thats not true, because honestly I want him to be the last one, thats why I was begging and telling him sorry everyday and i never did that to my past relationships. I feel so sad now. I stopped contacting him 6 days ago cos I think it was useless and he said he is a consistent man, who will never change his mind. My fault is, I once told him the same thing too, because I never get back to my ex. So it is a screw now.

The last time we contacted he said just to stop contact him and do him a favour to find someone better. It broke my heart so much that I felt I want to give up and never be in any kind of relationship again. Should I just stop contacting him or send a message first saying that I will not contact him again?

Thanks

gladys

November 5, 2016 at 3:33 pm

fyi, he is the kind of that ‘stubborn’ ex, that makes me actually really amazed to the fact that this NC method really works! however, i dont want to immediately think that he wants me back since he just simply asked about me..anyway, i’ll def follow your advice on improving myself and showing him that i’m moving on 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 6, 2016 at 11:38 pm

that’s good! Yes, you have to ignore his message because you’re still in nc..
gladys

November 5, 2016 at 3:28 pm

Hi amor! suprisingly after almost 2weeks NC, he just texted me and kind of asked that how’s everyting and he simply just want to know that i’m fine..he also ended with “all the best for you” which i feel like he just want to keep it short. I haven’t replied, cos i decided to do at least 21day NC. however, what do you think? should i reply cos i thing it’s kind of ‘positive’ text or should i just totally ignore it, cos i’ve read all the articles here that suggest just to ignore before the end of NC period? anyway thanks for the advice!
gladys

November 3, 2016 at 3:24 am

well we did fight several times, but in my opinion it was in normal amount and just for little things (such as traffic jams, being late, boring conversation, etc). Last time we fought bout the traffic and how I was being upset instead of being grateful that he drove for me (well i didnt ask tho) however, i realized i was being childish and said sorry, but then he said he had enough and just cant help the feeling of being so upset. I suspicious that he’ve seen another woman..but he said no, it just he stopped feeling special to me.. It’s weird cos in the beginning, he was the one that really excited and crazy over me, while I just felt..pretty normal. And the total 6months being ldr, we were fine..but just four times meeting in person, he already changed his mind? I just dont get it amor. Now I am almost in 2 weeks of NC and I tried to dissapear from social media too, however he posted some pics of him being fine and happy in fb. Tbh, this is too hard for me if i have to pretend to be happy too in social media, i am afraid he will think I am moving on and forgetting him?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 4, 2016 at 11:53 pm

that’s good that you’re in no contact already..be active in improving yourself.. actually that’s one of the common mistakes of some girls, them not wanting the ex to think they’re starting to move on.. Because that means you want your ex to think you’re still waiting for him which makes you like a chaser and wont help you get a restart
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 31, 2016 at 9:24 pm

Hi Gladys,

it would be better to just stop contacting him. Why was he unhappy?

Cati

October 23, 2016 at 7:25 am

Hi Amor, I was wondering is there any articles if your ex deleted you off a game, but you don’t have any social media and nor does he, thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 23, 2016 at 5:10 pm

Sorry! it’s a typo.. I mean treated.. do the no contact rule so you can think and reflect.. and this one is kinda like being deleted off in your common game..
EBR 048: My Ex Boyfriend Unfriended Me On Facebook…. What Does It Mean?

Cati

October 20, 2016 at 1:18 pm

Hi EBR team! 🙂 me and my ex split up a week ago, his doing, not mine. We were together just over two years. What happened was he lied to me about something he knew would hurt me and something he knew if he told me, it’d make us row. I had my suspicions, but when I confronted him about it, he denied it until I found out the truth. After that I was in tears, we eventually spoke about it and we was okay for the rest of the day and he was telling me how much he loves me, how much I mean to him, how I’m his reason to get up every morning and how he’d be lonely without me. The next morning, he got really angry at me saying I was being off with him and he can’t deal with my mood swings. I admit I was still being off with him at times, but that’s because I was still upset over the fact he lied to me. He kept saying horrible things like he doesn’t want to be with me, doesn’t want me here and that he wants me to go home (i was at his house at the time, we live 2 hours apart) and said if I don’t leave he’d get his friend to drop me home. I got my things and left and he sat there laughing. I personally don’t think I deserved this. He never text or anything to make sure I got home ok, but I started NC as soon as I got home and I’m on day 7 now. Do you think I have a chance of getting him back? 🙁

Cati

October 24, 2016 at 9:43 am

No problem, thanks for the advice 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 25, 2016 at 8:17 pm

You’re welcome!
Cati

October 22, 2016 at 4:29 pm

Hi.. I noticed today my ex boyfriend deleted me off a game we play 🙁 it’s been 8 days, why now? was he thinking of me or just moving on? 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 23, 2016 at 5:11 pm

Sorry! it’s a typo.. I mean treated.. do the no contact rule so you can think and reflect.. and this one is kinda like being deleted off in your common game..
EBR 048: My Ex Boyfriend Unfriended Me On Facebook…. What Does It Mean?
Cati

October 22, 2016 at 2:33 pm

Thank you for your reply. What do you mean by tested this way?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 22, 2016 at 11:22 am

Hi Cati,

I think there is, but use this no contact period to reflect if you really want to be tested that way

Karen

October 19, 2016 at 10:51 pm

I don’t know how to start NC.

My ex and I met at an event for our grad school and hit it off. We started dating right before finals but as soon as finals were over, he went home to the UK. The relationship fizzled and we went from dating exclusively, to dating openly, to not dating but being friends when he came back. He was here for a little while over the summer and we stayed friends, and then he went back to Europe when he found out that he would need to reapply to grad school. After continuing to talk, and having much deeper and more meaningful conversations than we’d ever had previously, he asked if I would try dating again. We dated long distance for a month, and then he came here for a month (to wrap up things like his bank accounts and his apartment and everything else, since he wouldn’t be returning for the school year as planned).

When he first arrived, things were great. We both saw each other as a potential permanent partner (strong friendship, strong attraction, similar values, goals, etc.). Unfortunately, he flat out refuses to have a long distance relationship (he’s had a couple in the past that all ended in resentment and disdain and he doesn’t want to risk the friendship that we’ve built). His idea was that we would break up until he came back next year to the city where we attend grad school. But I’m graduating this year and I will be going wherever I can get a job. I don’t know if I’ll be in the same city as him when he returns for school. I love him and I am willing to give long distance a try, but I’m not willing to wait around for a “maybe someday” five, ten years down the road when we happen to end up in the same place again.

We’ve talked over Facebook messenger every day since we met, including during the week since we broke up. I told him when we broke up that I would need time and space to readjust to a “friend” relationship (I basically told him I was going to do NC and then failed at it miserably). I don’t know how to restart that count now without suddenly not talking to him, which you specifically advise against. But I also want him to reconsider attempting a long-distance relationship.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 21, 2016 at 5:02 pm

hi Karen,

there’s no other way but to just do it.. As a last try, you can try saying you realized you’re not ready to be friends yet.. and then do nc

Ana

October 16, 2016 at 7:26 pm

Hi

As It is already mention in your guide that strictly internet relationship will not fixed by ur program. But still I need some advice . me and my bf was in relationship for 9 long years we didn’t cheat each other both of us live in two different countries. But this year he starts ignoring me so I searched ur program and start NC. My 3 weeks of NC complete but he didn’t try to talk to me.what do u think does NC work for me or not. Because we never meet personally.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 18, 2016 at 10:27 am

Hi Ana,

it’s not a real relationship if you didn’t meet for 9 years..

Mandy B

October 11, 2016 at 9:10 pm

Hi Amor,

I’d like some advice. I’ll try to keep this as short as possible. My boyfriend of 7 months broke up with me almost 2 weeks ago. He said that I am too temperamental & can be difficult. Also that the way I act is how his ex wife used to act. This is true, I am. But I had gotten so much better since being with him. And he only told me how much it bothered him about a month prior to the breakup. We had a really good talk at that time. Any other time he just said “it’s fine & I just need to relax sometimes”.

I had a particularly stressful week at work with an important exam I had to take 3 weeks ago. He basically ignored me that weekend & the first part of the next week. Then told me that he knew I would be stressed & he just didn’t want to deal with it and he knows that is selfish. He said he needed space & time to decide if he wanted us to move forward. The next night, though, I saw him at the soccer field where both of our sons play. He asked if he could come over that night, but wasn’t able to due to work. The next day (the day before leaving to go out of town with my 2 sons for 4 days) I asked if he wanted to meet for lunch that day since he was unable to come over the previous night. Or did he want to talk when I got back. He said it would have to wait because he had a lunch meeting at work. That night I text him and said “I planned on taking this trip to clear my head & think about things. But if you wanted to come over last night because you made a decision it would be nice to know”. 2 hours later he replied “Ok. I’m sorry to have to do this over the phone but I have to let you go”. I feel like I at least deserve more than a 1 sentence text message after 7 months of dating. I told him I was sorry he felt that way, that I wish things had worked out because I really do care for him. He never replied back & I started no contact immediately.

We are still friends on Facebook and he keeps liking my posts and pictures. That is super confusing. But my main concern is that I will continue to see him at soccer practice for our sons. How do I handle that?

Mandy B

October 13, 2016 at 12:39 pm

Thank you! That makes me feel better. : )
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 13, 2016 at 6:55 pm

You’re welcome!
Mandy B

October 12, 2016 at 3:29 pm

I apologize if this posts twice. It didn’t appear to go through the first time. I had a rough night last night. Based on everything I told you yesterday, do you think there is a chance that my ex & I might get back together? And should I take him continuously liking my facebooks posts as a good sign?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 13, 2016 at 6:24 am

it’s ok! Yes, I do think you have a chance and yes, him liking your posts is a good sign!
Mandy B

October 12, 2016 at 3:12 pm

I’m sorry, I had a rough night last night. Based on what I told you yesterday, do you think I have any chance of getting him back? We were really great together. Do you think it’s a good sign that he keeps liking my Facebook posts?
Mandy B

October 11, 2016 at 9:54 pm

Ok. Thank you for your help. : )
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 9:55 pm

You’re welcome!
Mandy B

October 11, 2016 at 9:48 pm

Ok, I will do that. I didn’t know if that would interfere with implementing no contact. It has only been 11 days since we broke up. On the off chance that he asks to talk or come over should I tell him no?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 9:51 pm

Oh, don’t talk about feelings nor the relationship.. Sorry, it wasn’t complete.. If he does initiate, tell him you appreciate him opening up, but you’re not ready to talk about those matters yet, and you hope he understands. And then leave it at that. If he asks to come over for you, tell him the same thing, just add that you need space because you need to heal.
Mandy B

October 11, 2016 at 9:40 pm

Oh, no! I explained that incorrectly I apologize. He has 3 kids from his previous marriage & I have 2 from mine. Another reason I can get a little stressed out, 5 kids all under the age of 8 is a lot to get used to. But I have gotten very close to his kids & our kids really get along. I meant his son & my son play soccer together. I will potentially see him twice a week for soccer practice/games.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 9:41 pm

Oh, ok.. Well, take that as an opportunity to show how much you’ve changed by looking your best and remaining calm civil.. that way, he can slowly see, that you are really changing..
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 9:26 pm

Hi Mandy,

I just want to make it clear. He’s really the biological father of your sons or he just agreed to be there for your sons? If he is the biological father, how long have you been back and forth with each other?

S.

October 11, 2016 at 6:45 pm

Hi Amor!!
Husband and i have been married 7 years. Two months ago he decided it was better if we separate and he moved out. I initiated a partial NC rule right after he moved out. A partial NC because we would still talk about finances etc… Two weeks into NC he sent me text and said he was grateful i was giving him space because its what he needed. I broke NC because i began to think he was forgetting about me and started to beg. Not long after that i moved out of our apartment because i couldn’t afford it on my own and moved back in with my parents several states away. Once again i implemented partial no contact he did try to reach out several times and because i wouldn’t respond to his messages unless they were for important reasons he stopped reaching out. He has been going out non stop basically having a party life. He has blocked me from all social media so i won’t see what he’s up to. He recently sent me a text saying he has filed for divorce and this silence between us has made him realize he no longer wants to be with me. I begged and pleaded him not to file for divorce. He says he has mentally checked out of the relationship and he is happy being on his own. I wasn’t finished with NC but it seems to have pushed him further away. Should i start NC again because i begged him to stay and not to file ? if so for how long. he says he has emotionally checked out if i keep doing the NC rule will he check out of the relationship even more? seems like he doesn’t want to know anything about me. Thank you for your help!!!!

S.

October 11, 2016 at 8:46 pm

You’re right… he is used to telling me what to do and i always go along with it for the fear of losing him.
The divorce was a threat before, but now he has filed. So yes i acted on it and tried to talk to him telling him we should take some time for ourselves and not make any big decisions. His answer was that again he has made up his mind and that he is actually happy being on his own.
and that he hopes that if im working on myself its truly for myself and not for him because there was not going to be an “us” in the future. at this point he’s like a brick wall no matter what i tell him he shuts me out .
i want to implement the NC Rule again. i just don’t know if giving him that space will just push him farther away!
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 8:58 pm

well, talking to him will not help either.. if he really made a decision, you would like contradicting that and chasing him..
S.

October 11, 2016 at 7:20 pm

He said that he has been emotionally checked out of the relationship because im jealous and its frustrating for him. He also says that there is no romance because i have gained weight throughout the years he told me many times that he would help me lose weight i would start to lose weight then would gain it back because i would feel comfortable with him again. He also said he wants to be free and doesn’t want anyone telling him what to do anymore. Since we have been separated i have lost over 20 pounds and going to therapy for my jealousy and to help me with everything else that has been going on. i have tried to show him my changes physically and emotionally but he says he has made up his mind and its to late to keep trying he has put a wall between us. he probably had his mind made up about divorce but i wouldn’t know. it could be his ego but he keeps saying he has emotionally checked out of the marriage and he’s done trying to make it work.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 7:48 pm

So, in short he lost attraction with you,hmm.. I don’t want to sound like I’m judging him but with what you said, it’s like he’s used to saying to you what to do, who to be, how you should be… Well, correct me if i’m wrong..

If that’s true, then his latest statement is just him being consistently like that.. It is more of ego.. It’s kind of controlling and demeaning honestly. Because, even if you didn’t do no contact, he probably wouldn’t have stayed as well.

But in a way, that’s good too… Because if he really didn’t care, he wouldn’t just told you to keep moving on..

But I do think you made a mistake of breaking it repetitively and the more you do no contact, the less the effect.

For me, you have to be strong now. You can’t let him to do that to you always. You have to take your power back.. And it’s really not the best move to act upon that threat from him.. You’re going to put yourself in the chaser position and he will continually see that he can easily make you follow what he likes you to do..

Maybe you need to talk first.. be candidly honest, agree that you do think you need to work on yourself but you also need time for yourself to heal… Because it’s not really very stimulating to keep talking to somebody who tells you he doesn’t find you attractive.. I’m not saying you should agree with the divorce but I think both of you need time to think about that first before doing it.. take time to be less emotional first..

If he still pushes for the divorce, tell him you need time and space before signing it and for healing from everything too.. Both of you have hurt each other unintentionally, so you think the best is to delay making big decisions and just take time being on yourselves only.. and you hope that he understands.. and then do a full 45 days no contact..
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 6:50 pm

Hi S,

why did he break up with you in the first place? So, does that mean that if you kept talking he wouldn’t have filed, and you would have gotten back together? Or he’s just saying this now, because of ego?

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